What you will learn

The tutorial is specifically aimed at those of you wishing to gain some knowledge in the front end coding and design of OpenCart.

The main thrust of the tutorial is to aid understanding of the template system in OpenCart – what each of the template files does and how each individual file correlates with the stylesheet.

The book is priced at £10 GBP: this will include full use of the template for commercial use, direct contact with me should you need some help with the tutorial, all the files required and of course the e-book itself.

Here is a screen grab of the Home page:

Contents

4. Introduction
8. Some Preliminaries
12. Screen Grab
13. Header
16. Logo
17. Search, Localisation and Currency bar
23. Localisation and Currency
27. The Navigation Bar
29. Breadcrumbs
31. The Left Column
32. The Category Module
37. The Manufacturer Module
39. The Featured Module
41. The Information Module
42. The Cart Module
44. Content
47. Products
50. The Login Screen
51. The Login – Screengrab
52. The Basket Screen
55. The Checkout Screen
56. The Create Account Screen
57. The Checkout Cart Screen
58. The Contact Screen
59. The Contact Screen – Screengrab
60. The Sitemap Screen – Screengrab
61. The Sitemap Screen
62. The Product Categories
64. The Master Product Category Screen – Screengrab
65. The Featured Links
68. The About Us Screen – Screengrab
69. The Information Links
69. The Guest Checkout 1 Screen
70. The Guest Checkout Screen – Screengrab
72. The Guest Checkout 2 Screen
74. The Footer
76. Conclusion

Purchase the book here.

Please feel free to e-mail me in advance if you would like further information.

With nowhere left to go the industry has started to dismember it’s products, disable features and present the vestigial remnants as added value products: what a sleight of hand! You really have to hand it to them. Can you imagine buying a bike without wheels? All the expense of a bike with none of the hassles…

Stuck for ideas, Apple has decided to lop functions off a laptop, severely restrict its use – proprietary software, DRM -  and call it an iPad. This combined with a free BBC advertising campaign paid for by public money raised from an archaic feudal tax system should see the Apple iPad do very nicely thank you.

As with all Apple products you can be sure that a month into owning their latest offering, half baked ideas, shoddy workmanship and cynicism, will make themselves all too apparent. They always do with Apple products. You know the sketch: to do A you need to buy B, to do C you need to buy D, and to do E you need to buy B and D. And so it goes, a never ending cycle of chasing your tail with Apple’s latest Tamagotchi. At the end of the cycle of despair they will then announce that they are discontinuing the product and invite you buy an extension of your despair and misery with their latest badly produced, dysfunctional and totally pointless product…, no doubt accompanied by interminable puffs from the increasingly irrelevant BBC trying to appear tech savvy.

…this is your special invite to check out our exciting new product. This latest release will empower you to make stacks of money – much more than what it costs you to buy it.

“Build Your Own Wicked WordPress Themes,” will teach you the secrets to succeeding as a theme designer, giving you the potential to earn a passive income of $25K a month…

Ask yourself this: if it is as effortless to make $300,000 per annum as Ms Szasz suggests, why isn’t she doing it?

This is a patently fraudulent claim (show me the evidence) and just further reinforces the general publics perception of the net as an unregulated market place populated by script kiddies and scam artists.

You know them; they love their iPod, adore their Apple laptop, aspire to an iPhone and think Dido has got soul. Ever ready with a cliche -  or worse, a stream of indecipherable pseudo intellectual drivel on subjects they have absolutely no grasp of.

Do not get me wrong, there are many spheres of business responsible for spawning human balloons; such as football management, marketing and let’s not forget politics; to name but three. As a consequence of this, the following list of cliches is by necessity an incomplete list.

1. Grow your business
   Marketing speak at it’s most grotesque. An invitation for you to perceive your business in simplified terms (horribly simplified) as a little tomato plant being lovingly nurtured in a nice warm and cosy greenhouse, where the only way is up. Except that it’s not; because only your marketing friends are in possession of the right fertiliser, and they are not giving it up easily or cheaply. Even manure has it’s price these days and you are going to need a lot of it. Have you ever tried to grow tomatoes? I think we both know they are more likely to wither and rot than thrive. Anyone discussing their business in these terms deserves all they get…. At least choose a more engaging metaphor.
2. “…we will architect you…”
   A little gem. One of an increasing number of ‘new media’ jargon words that has made an unauthorised transition from noun to adjective. Stuff your Oxford dictionary, the spirit of punk lives on.
3. 24/7
   When it comes to cringeworthy jargon, embarrasing buzzwords and linguistic distortion, the USA is up there with the best. They even do a thing called American English (whatever that is?). Anyway unless you are from the USA it’s 24 hours a day, seven days a week: and if you are from the USA, it’s the least of your worries but a good place to start.
4. New media
   This almost entirely meaningless noun is a favourite technology signifier much used by out of touch dinosaurs on the steam powered BBC World service. If you really must appear cutting edge and tech savvy steer clear of this cliche; unless of course you want to provoke indiscrete guffawing.

   ‘New media’ = old media. We are talking about a technology that is at the end of it’s life cycle – not the beginning.

   Once more. We are talking about a technology that is at the end of it’s life cycle – not the beginning. Think about this.

5. A big ask
   Favourite of football commentators. Even now I can hear their bland, droning, generic commentaries reverberating through my skull…ugh I feel queasy….  “the form book gets thrown out the window…” Groan…’he’s got that in his locker‘…
6. …bring it on…
   A phrase custom made for office boys and game show fodder wearing 3/4 length fatigues trying to sound edgy in the wine bar. Ask them what they do for fun and they reply; “jump out of aeroplanes…”. Work hard, play hard…yeeeeeah. There are no social circumstances in which this phrase could be considered acceptable.
7. “…right and proper…”
   Parochial opening response much favoured by minor politicians, particularly those belonging to the Scottish National Party: a cypher indicating that what follows is of no consequence and you might as well grab 40 winks.
8. Award winning
   As the number of meaningless awards increases, thus does their credibility decline. Ironically, even if you have won awards, the claim is so disreputable that it’s better not to mention it!
9. Multi-talented
   Imagine listening to someone tell you how talented they were. What would you think of them? A superfluous claim best left well alone. Let others be the judge.
10. Professional
    Another superfluous boast, much overused in web design. Clients and potential clients take this as a given. Meaningless! Leave it out.
11. Ubiquitous image of a female with blue tooth and welcoming smile
    I will not do business with any company that has this truly awful stock image anywhere on their website. Screams cowboys, well dodgy…. Enough said.
12. Web-site aka web site
    Website is one word. If I see this misspelled on a website I move on. If a web design company can’t get this right then what else are they not getting right?
13. Strategic partnership
    Perception altering jargon. What does this actually mean?
14. Fresh
    Fresh equals stale.  Another web turn-off. Find another adjective!
15. The Baskerville ampersand
    I agree it is a beautiful ampersand, however it is too often used to signify typography rather than a contextualised element within a typographical layout. There is a difference!
16. Competitive edge
    Imagine there were 10 businesses in the entire world. Each one signs up for the competitive edge package by the Acme Competitive Edge Company. Which one has the competitive edge?
17. Brand/Brands/Branding
    Whenever I see this word used in home page happy talk, I see an agency trying to talk the talk, but with hopelessly irrelevant jargon from the 1980s. People do not buy brands anymore: they buy narratives.
18. Hand crafted
    The extent to which a website could be said to be, ‘hand crafted’, is slight. This ranks along side ‘fresh’ as yet more empty market speak. Anyway, what if websites were handcrafted, why would that be of value? What’s wrong with churning them out on computers? The act of making with its notions of honest toil and time spent is a precious and asinine sentiment – more properly belonging to the prejudices of Victorian England.
19. …the elephant in the room…
    Might not be able to see it but I can certainly smell it and it seems off to me. Cringeworthy metaphor favoured by fakes pretending they want to confront reality…yawn: confronting fantasy is far more important. If you want to confront reality how about spending a week as a guest of the Mujahideen – fresh and bracing. Or we can just kick back and carry right on blathering about elephants in our rooms because we know that we are never going to have to deal with that little situation – unless of course you happen to be living in a mud hut in a Kenyan game reserve, in which case I would keep the elephant and I would keep the beast hungry at that. Nothing like an elephant on edge in a mud hut to keep the neighbours at bay….
    I did once, however, trip over a house spider in my front room cleverly disguised as a DVD player, but that’s another story…
20. W3C validation badges…
    You know the ones, those little nasties at the bottom of websites. I know we live in an approval fixated world, but I’ve got to tell you guys they just say, school project; and I am not even going to mention the aesthetics of these things. Thing is, best practice is a given it should happen by default, it should be a habit and we should be able to get by quite happily without the approval that these little horrors confer. Of course this is just my opinion, I could be wrong….
21. Pro.
    When you see this word attached to a software brand put your hands in your pockets, speak to no-one and walk on briskly; your pockets are about to be picked!
22. Bolt-ons
    Bolt-ons are called bolt-ons for a very good reason: they are not coming off easily! In fact the only thing coming off easily where bolt-ons are concerned is the cash from your bank account. Tell me if I’m wrong.
23. World class
    This popular cliche sounds like the business – and as soon as I find out what it means expect to see it popping up all over my articles….
24. The perfect storm
    Currently doing the rounds at BBC Scotland. Who knows, this screwball metaphor might just be heading your way: sit back, strap-in and admire!
25. View larger image…
    …except that the larger image is the same size as the thumbnail…aaaaargh!
26. Made with real ingredients
    Yes folks this unique claim is currently gracing packets of Walkers crisps. But my question is: real ingredients as opposed to what?
27. Enquiry
    In the UK this is a gentle past time for two or more players. It is a game with no particular objective, the outcome being of little relevance. Most players warmly agree, it’s the taking part that matters. The subject of this polite past time can be mass murder, fraud on a grand scale or a bit of both. After this carefree trifle, players generally retire for a sherry and a good chinwag.
28. 3 easy payments of…
    Easy for who exactly? It would be a lot easier for me if I didn’t have to pay at all. Easy, how?
29. ‘Customer testimonials’
    Who ever thought adding ‘customer’ testimonials to your website was a good idea? How come there are no denouncements, no condemnations? How does a customer testimonial happen? Does a former client phone you up and beg you to allow her to say something great about your business, using a vocabulary from a developers handbook that she mastered especially for the occasion? I don’t know what marketing manual encouraged this nonsense but it has got to stop. Testimonials have no credibility, they are disreputable and profoundly insulting. Just stop it, it’s not funny anymore.
30. Solution
    Solutions here, solutions there, everyone’s got a solution. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of solutions, I want some problems because all these solutions are making me numb. If I wanted to be numb I would engage with a 70cl red solution from Spain.
31. Empower
    Profoundly patronising word, usually employed by people who want to divest themselves of their responsibilities to others.
32. Leverage
    Favourite of online marketeers and means anything you want it to mean. A staple of the waffler. I can’t read beyond this word once encountered.
33. Enterprise class
    Intergalactic solar wind.
34. 99.9%
    It’s the .1% that worries me….
35. Unlimited
    Keyword in the misrepresentation of ISP services – allowing the likes of Virgin to commit fraud with impunity.
36. Re-integrated
    Popular Orwellian verb in UK politics meaning: to force people to live in their least favourite place.
37. Eligible
    Are you overweight? Then you are eligible to sign up immediately to our entirely bogus weight loss programme….
38. Satisfied
    Just listen to what this satisfied shopper had to say….
39. Inspired by…
    Much used and abused by undergraduates and hair shampoo manufacturers. I think we will be the judge of that.
40. Parenthesis as design motif.
    The fetishisation of the parenthesis in many website designs should be outlawed. Used to signify typography rather than as a contextualised element within a typographical layout. There is a difference!
41. Counter terrorism tzar
    Title for a puffed up buffoon in Scotland who makes pronouncements on things he knows absolutely nothing about i.e. terrorism. Anyway I am far more concerned about the NEDs on my street.
42. Research shows…
    No. It doesn’t.
43. He didn’t have a save to make…
    No. That’s because the nice striker put the ball in the net 4 times and saved him the bother….

Hi, are you currently recruiting for any positons in graphic / multimedia design?

We were so impressed by the effort that this young man had made that we made him an immediate offer of a £40K starting salary plus brand new Honda Civic. We knew that in order to secure his services we had to offer a very attractive package as we would no doubt be competing with other agencies.

This sparkling prospect showed some of the spirit said to be lacking in the Scots today. He put his Playstation on pause, got off his backside and took at least 20 seconds to fire off a killer email. For a 20 second time investment he has profited handsomely.

As for the rest of you…

Apply in writing. There should be a cover letter, a CV and a CD/URLs of work. If you are just out of University there should be evidence of real world engagements balanced with a portfolio of responses to course based briefs. Oh, and use a spellchecker!

Take a room with a green door. Take ten people and ten chairs. Arrange the chairs in a line parallel to the green door. Invite each participant to sit on a chair facing the green door.

Now ask each participant in turn what colour the door is.

Most will say green perhaps one or two may say specifically what colour of green.

Ask each in turn what they associate the green door with and no two answers will be the same.

The meaning and connotations of the green door are not as stable as we first imagined. Individual experience has built in new connotations, new significancies – new meanings – new narratives.

If the meaning of the subject in advertising is inherently unstable how can we be sure the message is received as intended?

This is the problem with advertising.

Like Jack Kerouac. I have read most of his books but the one that really left an impression was Dharma Bums. I remember reading this book as a teenager when I stayed on Kersland street in a brown stone tenement just off Great Western Road in Glasgow’s west end. It fizzed with Zen insights in a way that really excited and inspired.

Like Don Van Vliet aka Captain Beefheart. Trout Mask Replica was a revelation to me as a young musician. I had never before or since listened to an album of music so intensely or so incessantly. I just could not stop listening to it and wanted to emulate it completely. Don Van Vliet – a true genius.

Like the tantalising work of Robert Motherwell.

Like William Burroughs…like Tom Waits….

The list could be enormous.

I also promised myself that I would make every effort to keep the academic in me at bay – keep things light.

However I have to admit that as time goes by the academic in me is growing increasingly impatient with some of the nonsense I have read: in particular from the american design/ad/marketeering contingent of the internet.

Recently Steve Jobs in an open letter claimed, among other things, that Adobe Photoshop was the number one reason for Mac crashes. I have no doubt he has a pile of crash reports to prove this. (what about the people like myself who never submit crash reports?*) Yes Photoshop does place a hefty strain on the Mac CPU, however I think Mr Jobs will find that Mac OS X onwards cannot get on with itself let alone third party software.

Remember the transition from G4 to G5? Those kernel panics were nothing to do with Photoshop and everything to do with rushing yet another piece of Apple technology to market way before it was ready. Remember those first iPods? Terrible sound and criminally poor batteries.

It has always been Apple’s philosophy to experiment on the consumer entirely at the cost of the consumer.

When I taught at the University we had various suites fully equipped with high spec Apple machines running software such as Final Cut Pro. There were many problems with these machines and the software – proprietory software.

When I taught at the college the computer suites were entirely PC based. I had no problems with these machines. They were pretty much running the PC versions of all the usual design software. They were fast and seamless.

A lot of people own Mac technology simply to own and admire. Fair enough. However do some real work with a Mac with some serious software and its shortcomings soon become apparent. At Yellowhammer the Macs have to have complete system reinstalls regularly. The PCs however just keep on working.

Now it may sound as though I am down on Apple and all for PCs. I am neither. I use what is necessary to do the job. I have no allegiance or loyalty to either.

I refuse however to allow a cynical marketeer such as Mr Jobs to shape my perception of Apple technology.

*I have always viewed submitting crash reports as a bit like praying…

So what is the The Google font API?

The Google font API allows you to use the fonts of your choice in your website design – provided they are included in the Google Font Directory.

The pros: It’s free and works seamlessly.

The cons: Fonts are generally poor and were not originally intended for screen display.

However you might get lucky like I did and find almost exactly what you were looking for.

This is an interesting development. If Google decide to pursue this aggressively and add real quality fonts to the Font Directory then this could clearly have a catastrophic impact on some if not all of the @fontface premium service providers.

Who knows where this will end up.

The content of these websites is usually a hotch potch of visual fetishes, half-digested ad/marketing drivel borrowed from other web design sites and a liberal peppering of boasts about beautiful CSS/XHTML…blah blah. When you consider that ad/marketing speak is generally devoid of anything meaningful in the first place you can begin to appreciate just how grotesque it can get second hand.

Now correct me if I am wrong, but I don’t imagine too many design agencies work for other design agencies? So what possible reason could there be for this piss poor ad/marketing decision? Is peer approval more important than earning a living?

Potential clients i.e. real people, don’t know what you are talking about guys. Glenda from the hair salon thinks Css is the sound her hair spray makes. Debbie the decorator thinks XHTML is a sexually transmitted disease, and Peter the plumber thinks Ajax is a pan scourer. (since this is a family show I wont say who jolly Jimmy thinks JQuery is!)

Have you ever noticed that politicians when asked a direct question generally reply by reciting some policy of what the course of action should be ideally and in the abstract, rather than say what they are actually going to do directly. In effect saying absolutely nothing.

Does your website promise all manner of miraculous things for your clients or potential clients? Then why did you not do those miraculous things for yourself on your own website?

As a potential client that is the question I would be asking.