Also as a result of about 2 years in the gym without training my legs, it’s now got to the stage where I play about half an hour of football and my bloody hamstrings are feeling so tight it’s untrue.  How I’ve not done some serious damage is beyond me

Shearer wheels away after scoring yet another goal

Jonas celebrates his wonder goal against Barnsley

According to what I’ve read before, Premier League rules state that you’re not allowed to cover up your face when you score a goal, so he was never allowed to celebrate like this last season.  stags also won 4-2 altho that result was overshadowed a little by a “supporter” throwing his season ticket at the manager as he walked off at half-time, with Stags winning Some people   That afternoon we booked tickets for Doncaster vs Newcastle United away on 23rd March.  Another chance to sample the atmosphere of The Toon Army away from home, and I can’t wait!

Sunday morning came and I was a little more apprehensive as normal about the forthcoming game, with it being against the club I played for over the last 2 years.  R & K had been on an amazing run, which has taken them to Semi-Finals in both League and County cup, and unbeaten in the league so far.  In a way I was gutted to be on the bench, but it was a fantastic performance by our lads, as we ran out 4-0 winners.  The lads never stopped running and hassling the opposition and it seemed after beating us 6-2 at our place, that maybe they were expecting it to be an easier game.  Sean and John had amazing games, and I think John just pipped Sean for MOM.  Claire was gutted as her game was called off YET AGAIN! So she called into the pub after the game with me and some of the lads.

This is all thanks to my dear workmate Crit who for some reason popped upstairs and started singing this song.  Cue an hour of this one song on repeat stuck in my head

This is another song that if I hear it in the morning on Galaxy when my alarm goes off I’ll find myself singing it all day bloody long.  I had Rachel singing it earlier, when I was humming it to myself without realising

Heard this song a while back, and it’s the most played on my IPOD at the minute.  Just can’t seem to get enough of it, and I think this song is where the previous song ends up coming into mind.

This is another if I hear it first thing then it’s in my head for the whole day!

The Lost Symbol

It got to the point after reading The Da Vinci Code thatI started googling and becoming interested in the Knights Templar and their causes, and I’ve done the same with this book, with it being based arouns the Freemasons.  Anyway enough from me for now

It was certainly a long day, which started as early as 12:45pm when Pete came to pick me up so we could meet John in the gym ready to get the pump on ahead of a very crazy night in store.  Pete and John were commenting on how little a costume we actually had compared to the rest of the lads, and I could feel the anticipation to just get sorted and head out for the night. Got round to Scott’s not long after 3 and Will, John, Simon and Dawson were already there.  We checked out the costumes and my mouth literally dropped to the floor! “We’re going out in THAT” was pretty much all I could muster at that moment in time, as Dawson adjusted his costume a little.  Once Northy had arrived we all converged on the kitchen ahead of the Centurion drinking game.  It won’t sound a lot, but having taken part in it I can confirm that it’s very very difficult, and Scott never made it to the end without throwing up

Centurion, also known as Century Club, Century Challenge, One-Hunzy-Hunzy, Chicken of the North, Hundred’s Club, Power Hour and Century Clock in North America, is a drinking game. Although there are variations in the rules, a basic premise remains; drink one hundred shots of beer or cider in as many minutes. Depending on the size of the shot glass used, either 2.5 or 3 litres of low volume drink such as cider or beer is required.

The first 10/15 minutes or so fly by, but after then you can start to feel the gas building up in your stomach.  To make his Strongbow taste better, John got Dawson to drop some Strawberry nesquick powder into his large bottle, and gave it a good shake.  In the mean time, Dawson, Simon and Northy had reverted to using this strange tasting concoction that involved schnapps, rum and god knows what else.  It looked like muddy water, but when you sampled it you could taste the peach.  Once the game had finished I was feeling a little worse for wear, and given it was about half 7 we decided to take a slow walk into town, via our first pub, which was pretty much over the road from Scott’s.  As it was both John and Scott’s birthday someone (Woody I think) brought them a drink which I’d had before for Maddsys birthday party last year.

Me at Scott's House

Dawson, John, Simon and Will (Simon with Black Vest on)

Northy and Pete. Don't ask what Pete's doing to the dog tho

A cement mixer is a shot drink. It consists of:

• 1 part Bailey’s Irish Cream
• 1 part Lime juice (lemon juice may be substituted)

The drink is traditionally ingested by taking the shot of Bailey’s, holding it in the mouth, then sipping the lime juice and swirling the two around the mouth. The drink may also be combined as a layered shot, as the lime juice is less dense than most brands of “Irish Cream”. The acidic lime juice causes the cream-based Bailey’s to curdle. The curdled Bailey’s does not taste sour, but it does rapidly gain viscosity and stick to your teeth, reminiscent of cement.

Once again Scott ended up with his on the floor, and as he was in the toilet cleaning himself up we proceeded to head into town chanting “Where is Scott”.  This got a bit too much for some people working in one of them mini Sainsbury’s down the street, who came out to see what the hell was happening in their quiet part of town, to be met by around 15 centurions, banging their swords against their shields.  God only knows what they could have thought about that.  Even a few people driving their cars saw the funny side, as 15 lads drew their swords and started chanting “HA-OOH! HA-OOH! HA-OOH!” stopping them in their tracks.

On our way into town

On the Market Square in town

Having had a decent reception in the first pub we went into, we soon headed into Saints bar which meant a trudge through the middle of Mansfield.  By now frost bite seemed to have taken hold, as it was bloody freezing, and 5 of us had nothing more than a cape to keep us warm (well Simon did have his vest to help I suppose).  Isn’t it amazing that when you’re dressed up you seem to see so many more people on a night out that when you’re not Certainly seemed the case with me bumping into old friends from Rainworth along with Troy, Tibbzy and some of the Maxxd lot.  I seem to remember most of the night, until around half 10ish, when I know me and Pete wandered off into Liquid, but from there I know we went into the Late Lounge, but that’s you’re lot.  I know Caz had been out, having seen photos of John later that night, looking dead, but it took me about half an hour to negotiate the busy streets of Mansfield, when it was about -3 at some god forgiven hour (about 1ish I think) I then proceeded to climb over Claire’s car.  Once in the warmth, safe sanctuary of my house, I soon made my way into bed, and that was it.

In Wetherspoons

Waking up the next day, I was due to go play football, I placed one foot on the floor, and felt fine.  I looked across and was asked if I felt ok.  Not too bad I said until I’d swung my other foot onto the floor in which case I just fell back on the bed.  I was then VERY VERY ill for the rest of the day.  It’s safe to say that since that night I’ve not really done much, as I had a 48 hour hangover from Johns birthday.

I did go for a meal with some of my mates on the Friday before my 30th, and altho people dropped out like flies (from 10 to 6 in the space of an hour) I had a great time.  The food was great, and me and Maddsy polished off a bottle of Red Wine, before the car was dropped off, and we went to meet John, Day and Michelle in town. I’d not recognised Michelle till she started talking about my mum and work, and that’s when it clicked as to who it was Had a great night, apart from one little moment when Caz came across to see John and a certain someone followed and started bouncing around chatting to Day.  I made a quick exit only to get a text off John 5 minutes later saying they’d gone.  I didn’t feel any different in the morning (altho a little hungover maybe) but the following day after playing football I felt like shit.  My hamstrings were battering, and I found it difficult to even walk for abit.

My beloved Newcastle United are still topping the table despite a little slump in away form.  We’re still smashing the goals in at home and have the last remaining unbeaten home record.  Also something I never through I’d hear is the fact that we have the meanest defence in English football On Friday (before this weekends game) we conceded a goal on average every 131 minutes.  Must show the difference in quality from the Premier League when I’m sure we averaged a goal against every 31 minutes .

I think old age has finally caught up with me as it’s taking forever and a day to recover from any physical exertion

Talking of annoying adverts or mini videos how bad is this following video

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife… A guy who purchased
his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked
my
interest…
The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little
something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer.

The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no
long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time
to retreat to safety….??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.

loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the
button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I’d
get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the
prongs.

AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is
on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that
it couldn’t be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
(trusting little soul)while I was reading the directions and thinking
that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving
target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a
second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But,
if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself
against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as
advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses
perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand,
and tazer in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient
your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms
and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would
purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of
water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the
batteries.

All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring about 5″
long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy
AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, ‘no
possible way!’

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best …
I’m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
side so as to say, ‘Don’t do it stupid,’ reasoning that a one second
burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad. I
decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I
touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and …

HOLY MOTHER OF.. . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE ….!!!

I’m pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up
in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the
fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples
on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under
my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs!

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging
to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an
attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the
living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to ‘mug’ yourself with a tazer, one
note of caution: there is NO such thing as a one second burst when you
zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged
from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three
second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can’t be sure, as time was a relative thing at
that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and
surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The
recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it
originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still
twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my
bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.. I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for
sure, and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above
my head, which I believe came from my hair. I’m still looking for my
testicles and I’m offering a significant reward for their safe return!

P.s… My wife can’t stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift
and
now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!

Hope to have a decent blog post after this weekend! IT’s gonna be an EPIC and VERY VERY MSSY one thats for sure!

This is SPARTAAAAA

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Last nights CSI Miami was good, and I can’t wait for both the start of the CSI New York on Jan 9th and the next season of CSI Miami in the new year! Along with hopefully another season of the Mentalist, NCIS’s latest season on FIVE and Flashforward.  Quite a list of very good tv shows there

A man known as Mr Christmas, who has eaten Christmas dinner every day for the last 16 years, has lost three stone after a halving his portions during the credit crunch.

Andy Park estimates that he has ingested nearly 118,000 sprouts and around 5,000 bottles of Moet champagne since his Christmas obsession began.

Every morning since July 14 1994 the father-of-one has breakfasted on mince pies and sherry, before eating a roast turkey lunch and watching the Queen’s Speech on video.

But since January the 45-year-old divorcee has slashed the size of his plate to keep his devotion to Yuletide going in the recession. The self-employed electrician – who insists he had celebrated Christmas every single day since 1994 – believes he is one of the few people to have benefited from the downturn.

More on the story HERE

Another groan is at old Mansfield Town FC legend Bobby Hassell, for snatching an 88th minute goal thus breaking our winning run of 7 games on the bounce! DAMN YOU TO HELL MR HASSELL. Suppose it wasn’t as bad as this game…

Hannover were instrumental in their own downfall in losing 5-3 away to Gladbach after scoring three own goals.

Karim Haggui’s blunder on 15 minutes gave Gladbach the lead and Rob Friend made it 2-0 on 22 minutes moments after he had been denied by the crossbar.

The visitors’ Arnold Bruggink was denied by the post, and the hosts’ Michael Bradley hit the bar, before Didier Ya Konan pulled a goal back for Hannover on 36 minutes.

Constant Djakpa’s own goal and Bradley’s drive put Gladbach in cruise control before Ya Konan scored his second of the game on 69 minutes.

Ya Konan was then sent off for picking up a second yellow card and Hannover pulled it back to 4-3 through Christian Schulz three minutes from time.

However, Hannover’s hopes of an unlikely comeback were thwarted in stoppage-time when Haggui put the ball through his own net for the second time in the game.

From the Sky Sports Bundesliga weekend write up

Reminds me of my days playing for Rainworth Colts when we used to be on the wrong end of 10/11 goal drubbings   This is how odd the Royal Mail is over here in the UK.  CarolAnne sent me a christmas card from herself, and one that Kieran made.  I got the one Kieran made on Friday, yet somehow the other card has missed the Saturday AND Monday post.  When both were sent from the same place at the same time.

Must say Happy Birthday to Miss Burrows who’s getting old today Nowhere near as old as me mind.

It’s safe to say I blame the current CSI Miami advert on FIVE for this.  It’s the season finale of CSI Miami, and this is playing through out the advert.  Have heard it many times, including in Blades of Glory, but rather than the Andrea Bocelli version I’ve plumped for the Katherine Jenkins version.  Just sets me off in goosebumps when the volume is turned up

WOW! I have just noticed that this is my 1000th post

Dear John,

I hope you can help me.  The other day, I set off for work, leaving my husband in the house watching TV.  My car stalled and then it broke down about a mile down the road, and I had to walk back to get my husbands’s help.  When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes.  He was in our bedroom with the beighbour’s daugther! I am 32, my husband is 34 and the neighbours daugther is 19.  We have been married for 10 year.  When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted they had been having an affair for the past six months.  He won’t go to counselling, and I’m afraid I am a wreck and need advise urgently.  Can you help please?

Sincerely, Sheila

REPLY

Dear Sheila

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine.  Start by checking thath there is no debris in the fuel line.  If it’s clear check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires.  If non of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps,

John

- Forwarded by Steve Sanderson, Gilbert S.C.

We all found that quite funny (the lads anyway).  Hope you all have a good Friday

RIO DE JANEIRO (Reuters) – Robbers took advantage of Brazil’s passion for football to steal about $6 million (3.7 million pounds) from a cash delivery firm, as the nation was transfixed on championship games, media reported on Monday.

Police suspect the thieves tunnelled into the firm’s building in Sao Paulo and waited until Sunday afternoon, when the final games of the national championships were played, to break in and steal more than 10 million reais.

A security guard working at the firm on Sunday reported hearing loud noises but thought they were from fireworks lit by excited football fans, the Globo news network’s web site reported Sao Paulo police as saying.

LINK to rest of the story

I imagine during the World Cup would be a good time too

Back on the Nytol, so fingers crossed that it will help me start to get my sleeping pattern back.  This last week or two I’ve found myself waking up at 1am, 3am and 5am, and seem to just nod off rather than having a proper sleep Here’s hoping.

So I had a spare few minutes and came across similarminds.com and did one or two of their tests.  Here’s the results I got:

You Are Conscientious

You’re all about rules and structure, as long as they make sense. You strike a good balance between planning and spontaneity. You leave the less important aspects of life to chance, but you’re responsible when you need to be. You enjoy being organized most of the time, but a little chaos is fun too!

You Are 72% Vain

You’re a little vain, but you also work hard for your good looks. Just remember, everyone knows you are a total hottie. You don’t have to remind them.