Eileen
Dedicated Elementary Teacher Overseas (in the Middle East)
elementaryteacher.wordpress.com

This is MUCH improved, but still needs some cutting.

Cut out everything before “My calling in life is to be a teacher…..” Why? Because this is a statement of YOUR philosophy, NOT White Spirit, NOT C.S. Lewis.

In number 4, reword MUCH shorter–ALL points into ONE clear sentence.

In 5, keep point b (expanding it slightly) and cutting out all other parts of 5. Get it into ONE clear sentence.

Eliminate 6, while true, it is redundant.

You’ve made excellent progress here. Tighten it up more. If I were a student, this statement would make me WANT to come to your class (unlike the long, more wordy, previous version).

Eileen
Dedicated Elementary Teacher Overseas (in the Middle East)
elementaryteacher.wordpress.com

“In addition to teaching the Grade 3 subject matter, my classroom philosophy is to make learning FUN, as well as to teach children that we all must RESPECT each other. I’m there equally to help children solve their interpersonal problems, and lead BETTER LIVES.”

My point is that ANYTHING ELSE I want to talk about (the syllabus, my classroom discipline policy, class discussions, whatever, WILL FIT with the above topic sentence in various SHORT paragraphs below that, yet I have not OVERWHELMED my reader.

Eileen
Dedicated Elementary Teacher Overseas (in the Middle East)
elementaryteacher.wordpress.com

Before you go any further, I have two overall impressions. It’s still FAR too wordy (not knowing your audience for this statement) AND I think you have not clearly defined your audience for this paper. I’m sorry to sound so critical, but you are losing your reader’s attention (overwhelming your typical reader). You need to FOCUS it. Let me help:

WHO is your audience?

For each of the following audiences, the statement should be written differently. Think of it as a resume. It you were applying for a math job in a corporation, you would write one resume. If you were applying for a math job in a university, you would write a differently-slanted resume.

Is your audience other MATH PROFESSORS, or COLLEGE ADMINISTRATORS?

Then maybe it’s about right. Is your audience STUDENTS? Is your audience PARENTS? I’m guessing this is the case (students and parents).

IF it is indeed for EVERYBODY, I suggest two DIFFERENT papers–a short, to-the-point statement (no more than three main paragraphs covering the three most important points), that follow from a main thesis statement of one sentence or two.

For administrators/other math professors, prepare a statement as above.

I was put in the same position two weeks ago when I had to introduce myself by email to a new assistant I will have this year, but whom I have never met. I was about to send him a very wordy description of all of my goals and objectives, when I realized what I needed was a ONE SENTENCE SUMMARY of my entire teaching philosophy. (I think you need make a one-sentence statement for yourself (two sentences at most), to clarify all your goals into one overall sentence. Yes, you CAN do it! Here’s my example: ” My classroom philosophy is to make learning FUN, and to teach children that we all must respect each other. In addition, I’m there equally to help children with living BETTER LIVES.”

Now think of the Journalistic style in which a newspaper article is written (different than normal expository writing, but calculated to not lose the reader’s attention). ALL of the essential facts are in the short first sentence or two. Each subsequent paragraph expands on those ideas.

Well, keep these thoughts in the back of your mind, and good luck. After all the point of WRITING a statement like this is to entice your readers to actually READ it, to be PULLED INTO it, and not to have them say, “OK, it’s a bit long, where’s the main point; OK, I’ll put it down and read it later when I have time,” and then that time never arrives.

I’m sorry–I hope I’ve helped you, and not discouraged you.

There’s nothing wrong with your content, but in my opinion, long paragraphs of expository writing are not appropriate for this sort of document, in which readers are going to be trying to skim for “the main points.” If you can entice them with your main points, they will go on to read your more detailed explanations.

Best regards,
Eileen
Dedicated Elementary Teacher Overseas (in the Middle East)
elementaryteacher.wordpress.com

My personal advice would be to put on a last post at the $8 site saying that ALL future posts will be on the WordPress site, so anyone who goes there can make the switch.

Eileen
Dedicated Elementary Teacher Overseas
elementaryteacher.wordpress.com

Looking back several years later, I think the main reason for this policy was because there was a very lazy teacher/administrator who both had some religious objections to modern scientific developments, AND who did not want to supplement his own lessons with outside material. The teachers who did, I believe now, were making him “look bad.” As soon as that teacher/administrator left the school, this policy began to be ignored, slowly at first, and then completely.

In the example above, I feel there is some piece of information that is unknown to us as outsiders, which has to do with the feelings, experience, or personality of the administrator (Mark M.) He might be a lot more concerned with something like being a popular ADMINISTRATOR (doing everything to soothe “complaints,” as opposed to placing student understanding FIRST). Unfortunately, we can’t get inside his mind from this information.

Eileen
Dedicated Elementary Teacher Overseas (in the Middle East)
elementaryteacher.wordpress.com

Ultimately, when asked what I want to do with a math degree, I always say I want to ‘be an academic,’ but this is just one of what’s becoming a multitude of reasons I’m afraid I either won’t make the cut or will get locked out when I do.

I won’t go into why in such short space, but I blame the mindset of industrialized America for a lot of this kind of disastrous thinking.

Thanks for getting the word out on this, Robert– I hope someone in a position to affect change sees it.