I propose that there are 3 roadblocks keeping most executives from becoming remarkable leaders:

1. They don’t know what soft skills are needed
2. They don’t know why they are so important
3. They don’t know how to develop these skills

First, do you know what soft skills you need to be a remarkable leader?   Which ones will make you stand out from the crowd?  In the past few months, I have been hosting teleseminars to cover the soft skills that are required for your rise as a leader.  If you want to catch my last teleseminar this Thursday, we will be covering 8 more ingredients to make yourself into a remarkable leader.  Sign up here for the teleseminar!

Second, do you know why these soft skills are important?  Let me be frank about this….you will have a very difficult time becoming a remarkable leader if you are missing any of these skills.  It’s not ok to be missing any of them, and it is possible to develop them.  We will cover the reasons why each of the soft skills are important in the teleseminar.

Third, do you know how to develop these soft skills?   You have 2 choices….you can develop them on your own or you can get an executive coach to help you get there.  That’s what I do and it’s my passion.

If you are a woman leader, learn more about the soft skills that are mandatory for remarkable women leaders in my upcoming teleseminar, “8 MORE Proven Ingredients to Make Yourself into a Remarkable Woman Leader”.  If you want to develop these soft skills in 2011, I am now taking applications for my Women on the Verge of Remarkable Leadership program, which starts on February 8.

I know that this was true with me. I started out in my career as a mainframe programmer and spent many fulfilling years as a team member on various software development projects. However, as I was promoted into manager and director roles, I noticed that I was being promoted because I was a good software developer…not because I was a great leader. At the time, nothing existed that would teach me the soft skills that I needed to be a remarkable leader. In fact, I didn’t even know what the skills were that I needed. This was a big issue for me, and I had to struggle to learn what it took to be a great leader on my own. Thankfully I did well, but I think I would have skyrocketed to much higher positions if I had known then what I know now.

What skills do you need to become a remarkable leader? Do you have a plan to get there, or are you just waiting around for the next promotion?

If you are a woman leader, learn more about the soft skills that are mandatory for remarkable women leaders in my upcoming teleseminar, “8 MORE Proven Ingredients to Make Yourself into a Remarkable Woman Leader”. If you want to develop these soft skills in 2011, I am now taking applications for my Women on the Verge of Remarkable Leadership leadership executive coaching program, which starts on February 8.  Make your plans now to play an active role in your leadership development in 2011.

My colleague Christina Haxton, who is also an executive and leadership coach, is working on a research project to identify fail points in leadership training, as well as common issues and opportunities that face senior leaders today across industries, particularly (but not exclusively) CEOs, COOs, VPs, Presidents & Directors.  She will be comparing those leaders who’ve been hired or promoted to this position within the past 18 months with those leaders who’ve held their position for longer.

Would you be interested in contributing to her research project?

Click here to help out by participating in a quick 9-question survey.  To thank you for your time, Christina will be compiling a report of the results of the survey. She will also reveal the results of the survey on a free teleforum, inviting all of the executives who participated.

Exciting research from the University of Konstanz in Germany by Peter Gollwitzer has found a simple way to triple your likelihood to succeed with achieving goals.  In this study, Konstanz observed that there are 4 phases of goal attainment:

1. Predecisional - before you make the decision to achieve objectives
2. Preactional - before you take action to accomplish goals
3. Actional -taking the action
4. Postactional - after you take the action

Do you know what the hardest step is to take?  Between the Preactional and the Actional phases.  This is the critical moment when you take a goal and choose to move forward with a specific action that makes the goal attainment more likely.  Gollwitzer discovered that you can use a simple technique called “implementation intentions”  to help people stay focused on their goal, but also allow them to take action on things they might have missed because they were engrossed in another task.  Implementation Intentions have been proven to triple your likelihood of success in achieving objectives.

To use an implementation intention to begin to take action on a goal, say this sentence to yourself:

When I encounter [a specific situation (e.g. thought, person, visual cue)] I will do the following thing [behave a certain way, say a certain thing, think a certain thought] so that I can achieve [the goal].

For example:

• “When I walk into a meeting, I will look each person in the eye and make some form of contact with them so that I can improve my relationships at work.”
• “When I look at the picture of Susan on my desk, I will smile and relax my body so that I can reduce my stress levels.”
• “When I see the candy dish on Carol’s desk, I will keep on walking so that I don’t stop and help myself to sweets I don’t need.”
• “When I see my running shoes, I will put them on and go out for a jog so that I will lose 20 pounds.”
• “When someone comes to me with a problem, I will shut my mouth, listen and then ask them 3 questions so that I learn how to coach instead of telling them what to do.”

Try out implementation intentions at work and triple your chances of achieving your objectives!

1. List how the idea benefits the company
2. Show how the idea can enhance your boss’s position
3. Describe how the idea relieves a pain that your boss currently experiences
4. Illustrate how the idea solves a nagging problem for the company
5. Detail how the idea saves money, makes money, or both
6. Compare how this idea is easier to accomplish, cheaper to carry out, and more cost-effective than competing ideas
7. Use precedent to bring up a situation where your idea has worked in the past under similar circumstances
8. Show the evidence to support the claims of your idea
9. Describe how you have minimized risk of failure for this idea
10. Ask your boss for suggestions on how to improve the idea

As you can see from the 10 tips, you will be taking the focus away from YOU and putting it on the COMPANY and YOUR BOSS.  It is critical that you include tip #10 and ask your boss for input on your idea.  Once your boss gives input and adds to the idea, it also becomes their idea and they will be more likely to buy-in to it.

To make this easy to implement, take a sheet of paper and write the name of your idea at the top of the page.  Below that, draw a 2-column table with 10 rows.    In the first column, list the 10 tips from above (e.g. benefits the company, enhances my boss’s position).  Use the second column to come up with what you want to say about your idea….how it benefits the company, enhances your boss’s position, etc.

Use this sheet as talking points when you go and speak to your boss about the idea.  When you present your idea with the focus on how it benefits your company and your boss, you are using your powers of persuasion to improve your chances of your boss understanding, buying in, and saying “yes” to your idea.  This is what “managing up” is all about.  As you are trying this new approach, think about what the difference is between using these 10 keys and the method that you previously used.  What is the difference in your boss’s reaction?  What are the keys that he most positively responds to?  Is there any key that he reacts to negatively?  Use this information as you continue to build your powers of persuasion and influence at work.

The easiest and most common choice is to tell the person what to do. This often works in the short term, but it keeps your direct report dependent on you, doesn’t allow them to think or develop their decision-making skills, and doesn’t increase their awareness. After they take the action, they will come back to you asking what to do next.

An effective leader will coach his/her direct report on how to make the decision. To do this, here is a list of 21 coaching questions to put in your leadership toolbox that you can ask your direct report to get them to make better choices and decisions:

1. What tools can you use to make this choice?
2. What facts do you need to make a better decision?
3. Who do you need to talk to before making this decision?
4. What worries you the most about making this decision?
5. How can you expand what is possible?
6. For this decision, do you need to listen more to facts or to your intuition?
7. How well do you listen to your intuition?
8. What is an example of a time that you listened to your intuition and you made the right decision?
9. What is an example of a time that you focused on the facts and you made the right decision?
10. What happens to your decisions when you are overwhelmed?
11. How can you focus yourself now to keep from being overwhelmed?
12. What is a mistake that you have made that you can apply to this decision?
13. What have you learned from one of your successes that you can apply to this decision?
14. What is scary about this decision?
15. What will keep you from making a poor decision on this?
16. How do you communicate your choices?
17. What is one decision you can make to get things going?
18. What is the best choice for you right now?
19. What can you choose that will make you freer and lighter?
20. How will you gather and analyze the facts to make your decision?
21. Do you have a choice?

Through the use of these coaching questions, you are developing your direct report’s decision-making and planning skills. You are also increasing awareness of the obstacles that are stopping him/her from making a decision. These roadblocks may be real or imagined. That doesn’t matter because the real issue is to uncover all of the roadblocks so that the person has a clear path to take action.

So here’s my question to you: What 2 steps can you take today to begin coaching your direct reports to make better decisions?

The easiest and most common choice is to tell the person what to do. This often works in the short term, but it keeps your direct report dependent on you, doesn’t allow them to think or develop their decision-making skills, and doesn’t increase their awareness. After they take the action, they will come back to you asking what to do next.

An effective leader will use interpersonal communication skills to coach his/her direct report to take an action. To do this, here is a list of 15 questions to put in your leadership toolbox that you can ask your direct report to get them to take action:

1. How do you want to move forward on this?
2. What do you want to complete by next week?
3. What will get you moving on this project?
4. How can you overcome this obstacle?
5. What is keeping you from acting on this?
6. What are your next steps?
7. Are you willing to commit to finishing this?
8. What will get in the way?
9. What IS getting in the way?
10. How will you prioritize this to-do list?
11. What is the most important thing to do to successfully launch this project?
12. What can you do to make this happen?
13. What strategy do you think would work best?
14. What are you willing to do and by when?
15. What 2 actions can you take to begin moving on this?

Through the use of these coaching questions, you are developing your direct report’s decision-making and planning skills. You are also increasing awareness of the obstacles that are stopping him/her from taking an action. These roadblocks may be real or imagined. That doesn’t matter because the real issue is to uncover all of the roadblocks so that the person has a clear path to take action. Finally, you are increasing employee motivation because you are empowering your direct report to explore options and make decisions.

So here’s my question to you: What 2 steps can you take today to begin coaching your direct reports to take action?

Being in the present moment, or “being present”, is a interpersonal communication skill that is critical for effective communication and should be in the toolbox of all effective leaders. If you need to improve your ability to be present in conversations, try out these top 7 keys to being present with other people:

1. Focus on your breath. Be conscious of the pace and the sound of your breath. This in itself has an amazing capability of calming you down, slowing your breathing, clearing out the clutter in your mind, and focusing you on your immediate surroundings. Try this out especially in the seconds after you sit down and before a meeting starts.
2. Focus on what’s right in front of you. Focus directly on the person or group that you are speaking with. Don’t let your eyes wander to the window or to people that are passing by.
3. Turn off or block out distractions. Turn off your cellphone. If you are in your office, forward your phone and close your email. Close the door.
4. Leave personal issues “outside the door”. If you are going into a meeting, this is a great trick to quickly get present. Before you go through the door, think about all of the things that are racing through your mind, such as errands you need to do, an argument you just had, or another project you are working on. Pretend like these thoughts are tangible. Envision yourself placing these thoughts on the ground outside the door. Say to yourself, “I’m going to leave you [the thoughts] here. I’ll pick you up when I get done with my meeting”. Then go through the door with a clear mind and with your issues outside the door.
5. Make eye contact. If you are in a meeting with a group of people, practice making eye contact with each person in the room multiple times, regardless of whether they are speaking. When someone speaks, ensure that you make eye contact and concentrate on what they are saying.
6. Reframe what the person is saying. Reframing is when you restate what someone says from your perspective. This allows them to verify that you correctly heard them. You can use some of the following phrases to reframe: “What I hear you say is….” or “So let me see if I got this right….”.
7. Resist the urge to come up with an answer. Act like your mission is to collect information and digest it. This will prevent you from thinking about an answer when you should be listening to the speaker. Just listen.

Practice these 7 keys during your next meeting or conversation with someone. Be aware of what takes you away from the present moment and use the tips to bring you back. By honing your ability to be present you will be building your effective communication skills.

First, grab 5 sheets of paper and write a Top 5 Question (see list below) at the top of each paper.   Leave lots of room on each page for the feedback you will get.

1. If you had my job, what’s the first thing that you would do that you don’t think we’re doing yet?
2. What do you need more of from me?
3. What do you need less of from me?
4. What is it that I’m doing that you would like me to stop doing completely?
5. What is it that I’m not doing enough of that you’d like some more of?

Second, write a list of your direct reports and think about how you will meet with each one to ask these questions.  Do you want to include it in your upcoming 1-on-1 meeting?  Do you want to just stop by their office and informally ask for feedback?  Figure out what will work best in your environment to get the highest quality feedback.

Third, go and do the interviews!  At the beginning of each conversation, let them know that your goal is to improve your own performance as their boss.  You want to find out what you are not aware of that you can make positive changes.  Tell them that you respect their opinion and you really want some honest feedback.  Show them the 5 sheets and start asking the questions.  Do not write their name on any of the sheets.  This shows them that you are more interested in the content of the feedback and not about the source of the feedback.

Fourth, take some quiet time to read the feedback, digest it, and make a prioritized list of what changes you want to make.   Resist any urges to deny or argue any of the feedback.  Remember that you asked for your team’s perception of you.  Their perception will not be the same as yours, but it is what counts.

Fifth and finally, communicate to your team what you heard from them and what you are going to do.  They will appreciate this.  Ask for their help in making your changes happen.  Ask them to give you feedback as you begin to make your changes.

Some cautions and advice about asking for quality feedback from your team:

• Keep your emotions out of the process
• Don’t label any of feedback with a person’s name
• Have an attitude of “I’m looking to improve” and “I am grateful for your feedback”
• Make sure that you act on the feedback and communicate your actions
• Plan to repeat these feedback interviews regularly (every quarter or 6 months)

Ok, now go do it!  And if you stumble, well, you know where to find an executive coach.

My question to you as a leader is this…..how can you be proactive in decreasing these workplace irritants?  What would be the impact if you showed this survey to your team and engaged a discussion on how everyone (individually and as a team) can make changes to create a happier and peeve-free work environment?

If you have additional pet peeves, please add them as a comment!  Enjoy reading the survey results below…

ATLANTA, May 5, 2010 – Employees would rather deal with gossiping co-workers than with colleagues who have poor time management skills, according to Randstad, a leading staffing firm and workforce solutions provider. The company’s new Work Watch survey, conducted by Ipsos Public Affairs among more than 1,000 employed U.S. adults, revealed the top three workplace pet peeves to be: people with poor time management skills (43 percent), gossip (36 percent) and messiness in communal spaces (25 percent).

The results show a slight, but interesting, shift in employee sentiment on this subject since the last time Randstad conducted a similar survey on workplace pet peeves in 2007. In that survey, gossip ranked as the biggest workplace annoyance, followed by others’ poor time management skills and messiness in communal spaces.

“The economic occurrences of the past 18-plus months seem to also have impacted what annoys people at work,” said Eileen Habelow, senior vice president of organizational development for Randstad. “Whether it is budget cuts or staff layoffs, employees are being asked to do more work with fewer resources, which directly affects how they view their time in the office. Employees are looking for ways to increase their value at work, so it would only make sense they would be a bit bothered by coworkers who they believe are having an impact on their time, and, possibly company productivity.”

Other workplace pet peeves making the 2010 list include: loud noises (21 percent), potent scents (20 percent), overuse of personal electronic devices in meetings (15 percent) and misuse of email (12 percent).

Since the original Randstad survey on workplace pet peeves was conducted in 2007, social media use, whether for personal or professional reasons, has exploded onto the scene. Additionally, America experienced a presidential election and a recession, each spurring a number of political hot button issues. These events prompted Randstad to add two additional choices for respondents to consider when identifying their top workplace pet peeve. Interestingly, social media use and political conversations didn’t rank in the top six selections of respondents pet peeves. A comparison follows.

Peeves About Time Management
So what, exactly, do employees find most annoying about colleagues time management practices? The survey revealed that 22 percent of respondents listed people who take excessive breaks – long lunches, smoking breaks, online surfing – as their chief aggravation. After that, “pet peeve parity” kicks in as roughly one in ten workers named the following as their top time management frustration:

• people who abuse sick days (11 percent)
• meetings without agendas or structure (11 percent)
• meetings that cut into personal time, including starting before or ending after traditional work hours (10 percent)
• meetings that start late or run over (10 percent)
• people who are distracted on their Blackberry or who text during a meeting (10 percent)
• people who consistently miss deadlines (9 percent)

Not surprising, employees under age 35 were more likely than those who are older to say that their biggest time management pet peeve is when meetings cut into personal time (16 percent vs. 7 percent). However, 13 percent of respondents say that none of the above pet peeves bother them.

Social Media Impact
With only 12 percent of respondents saying that personal use of social media sites in the workplace was among their biggest pet peeves, it’s reasonable to say that this activity has either become a part of the “everyday” at work or that companies are now cracking down on social media use through formal policies. When asked what was most annoying about people’s personal use of social media during work hours, the top two responses were the amount of time wasted that should be spent on work assignments (28 percent) and when it causes users to ask others for help with their workload or responsibilities (20 percent). “This makes sense as both of these activities could impact a worker’s ability to manage, or not manage, their time,” added Habelow. “Just as telling is the fact the survey also found that 27 percent of respondents don’t have any concerns over people’s personal use of social media during work hours which again could be because of workplace policies or general acceptance.”

How Pet Peeves Are Being Addressed
Just as workers have a variety of pet peeves, they also tend to deal with them in different ways. In most instances, employees say that they typically deal with their pet peeve by saying something directly to the person involved (29 percent). Additionally, the survey found that very few opt to directly email the person (2 percent) when dealing with their pet peeve. The next best way for most workers to deal with or respond to pet peeves is by venting about it to co-workers (19 percent). Only 9 percent say something to their boss/supervisor and even fewer, 1 percent, leave an anonymous note or vent on a social networking site. Interestingly, more than a quarter of respondents (27 percent) stated they ignore the situation completely.

Additional findings from the survey included:

• Workers under 35 are more likely than those 55 and older to say that loud noises (25 percent vs. 16 percent) and political conversations (15 percent vs. 8 percent) are pet peeves
• When it comes to email pet peeves, forwarding chain emails and jokes topped the list (19 percent)
• Women are more likely than men to be annoyed by unnecessary “reply alls” (15 percent vs. 10 percent)
• Workers aged 18-34 are more likely than workers 55+ to be bothered by people who ask a question that was just answered in previous email (12 percent vs. 3 percent)

Abbreviated Survey Methodology
For the survey, a national sample of 1,037 adults aged 18 and older who were currently employed from Ipsos’ U.S. online panel were interviewed online from April 13-16, 2010. Weighting was then employed to balance demographics and ensure that the sample’s composition reflects that of the U.S. adult population according to Census data and to provide results intended to approximate the sample universe. A survey with an unweighted probability sample of this size and a 100% response rate would have an estimated margin of error of +/- 3.1 percentage points 19 times out of 20 of what the results would have been had the entire adult population of employed adults aged 18 and older in the United States had been polled.

About Randstad US
Randstad US is a wholly owned subsidiary of Randstad Holding nv, a $17.7 billion global provider of HR services and the second largest staffing organization in the world. We play a pivotal role in shaping the world of work, leveraging the true value of human capital for the benefit of our clients, candidates, employees and investors.
More information is available at the company’s website, http://www.randstad.com/.

About Ipsos Public Affairs
Ipsos Public Affairs is a non-partisan, objective, survey-based research practice which conducts strategic research initiatives for a diverse number of American and international organizations, based on public opinion research. They are the international polling agency of record for Thomson Reuters, the world’s leading source of intelligent information for businesses and professionals. To learn more, visit: http://www.ipsos-pa.com/.