And we can spend a lot of time and energy living in the world of hate. It ruins our soul and our health. It even ruins the good relationships we still have with others.

So why is it that we choose to hate when we know it is so destructive and toxic?

I believe it is so that we will not be faced with the emotion that hate it actually covering up — hurt.

There is so much hurt in the world today. Just turn on the news and you will be faced with so many real examples of hurt. It can all be very overwhelming if you think about it.

Don’t get me wrong, there is a lot to hate. But I still believe the genesis of that feeling comes from us being hurt.

The problem is that it is easier to hate than to admit you have been hurt and deal with those feelings. By hating, we push those painful feelings aside and don’t deal with the real issue. The issue that we may have gotten our heart broken. Or that someone has left us by dying. Or that someone doesn’t want to be in our lives anymore.

The problem is we don’t quite know what to do with this pain so we channel it into hating versus healing. And we think that is OK. But it isn’t.

Hating is destructive. It leads to drug and alcohol addiction, eating addiction, spending addictions. And so much more. We live in a society with broken people just trying to avoid dealing with hurt.

Here is what I propose. What if we stopped hating and started embracing the hurt we feel? Started dealing with why it hurts and then start working through it versus around it?

What would happen to our emotional, physical and spiritual self if we allowed that healing to take place?

Can you see it? Can you try it?

And darn it, when my mouth and brain go to battle on what to say, my mouth oftentimes wins. And nothing good comes from that victory.

Has that ever happened to you? Have you ever lost the battle between your mouth and your mind?

We all have that adversary. That person that brings out the worst in us. The one who darkens the doorstep to the place that houses our hearts. The one that has to put others down in order to validate who they are. It could be the boss at work who constantly rides your performance for no reason at all. It could be the family member you have never gotten along with and who, every holiday, eggs you on until you eventually explode. Each of us has “that person” who makes us feel inadequate or unworthy.

As adults, we should know better than to engage with these individuals. But as emotional beings, we often do. And that usually results in us spending days trying to pick up the pieces and repair the damage for allowing it to happen. Not just because what they say is hurtful; I don’t doubt that it was. But because we have reacted to them in a way that doesn’t reflect who we truly are. Our reactions make us feel no better than them.

Have you ever been in this place? Even if your adversary is someone you want out of your life, their words can still hurt. Expect it, and then accept it. Then look for ways to either turn that relationship into a healthy one or find a way to release that person from your life for good.

Because when you do you will know that you have taken back control of your mind and your mouth. And on that day, your mouth will sing out a song of praise for that victory.

And that is what should be coming out of all of our mouths.

This can be tricky. You see, it can feel odd to classify people as good, bad, high maintenance or low payoff. But if we really want to run successful and productive teams – we need to do just that.

So we set about creating the four categories of team members. Here they are:

1. High payoff, low maintenance team members
2. High payoff, high maintenance team members
3. Low payoff, low maintenance team members
4. Low payoff, high maintenance team members

Let me explain further.

Your high payoff, low maintenance team member is your superstar. These are the individuals that perform at a high level without much hand holding. They are the leaders in your organization. The ones that will step up and reach every goal you give them, without having to remind them what success looks like.

Your high payoff, high maintenance team member is just one step down. They are performers as well, but sometimes they can wear you out a bit with the amount of attention they need. Sometimes it is just that they need validation constantly or they like to be praised for a job well done. Don’t fret — these team members are highly productive and valuable as well, you just have to learn what motivates them and continue to provide what it is they need.

Your low payoff, low maintenance team member may not sound too appealing – but very well could be. They are your worker bee employees. They may be proactive or even quick at their job, but they will do what you ask and do it without much complaint or hand holding needed. Every team has them, and every team needs them. Just set up your expectations for what they can do beforehand so you don’t get stressed about them not being superstar achievers.

And then there is the last category.

The low payoff, high maintenance team member. Sit down and evaluate this person’s past performance and their future potential. Then develop a plan to either train them, coach them up or manage them out.

So, what is your team made up of? Each category requires a different plan to coach, incentivize and develop them properly. Make sure you spend time on each so you can get the most out of your team.

Leaving a situation that no longer honors you as a person is heroic.

Changing everything that you have known for years and years is – well – terrifying.

But inevitably there comes a time in our life that we get thrown a curve ball and we are forced to either duck, move or take one in the shoulder.

I just so happened to have moved, but I am now completely in a new land I have never been in, and no one has come to greet me and show me to my room.

So, what to do.

The only thing you can do — you adapt.

Adapting can be hard, especially if you have stayed in a situation for so long that you don’t know how to live any other way. Even if that place you are leaving was bad, it was still your place and it felt comfortable. But sometimes comfortable just isn’t enough.

But what I am learning, in such an odd and joyful way, is adapting can be an adventure.

I am realizing what life is all about. I am spending time with people I wasn’t making time to be with before I made the change. I am visiting places I have never seen before. I am eating more and exercising less than ever. And you know what – I feel great. And you can, too.

Don’t be afraid to make a decision to change your situation and push that little monster called fear to the back where he belongs.

It is scary, there is uncertainty, but the truth is you will never have more time than you do right now.

How are you going to spend it?

The only thing I could say to myself was this…

Maybe the world won’t be changed by me, but those in my world will be forever changed by what I have to offer. By my willingness to give all I have to those in my life. By loving them, by sharing my resources, by being devoted to those very people. I hope to be the person who helps them get the life they want.

I came across a Franciscan Benediction that says:

“May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and turn their pain into joy. May God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in the world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.”

The world can seem big sometimes. But the fact is, our world is smaller than we think. We have the opportunity to help. To make a difference. To really matter.

So, “How will you change the world?”

All you have to do is choose to make a difference, and a difference will be made.