Typically, by this point in the week, we’re either feeling very good about the progress we’ve made, or not so much.  So, what better time to take stock of where you are?  To understand the mid-week gut check, I have to first give you some information.

I keep all – and I mean ALL – of my To-Do’s in the task list of Outlook.  It doesn’t matter if it’s paying a bill, picking up milk at the store on the way home, or writing a proposal for a huge new client.  Whatever To-Do’s you have belong in this master list.  (Quick side note: My To-Do’s are noted as specific, tangible action steps, not projects.  Projects require multiple steps, and my brain may or may not know what’s actually next – in which case, I make no forward progress until I drill it down.  I learned this when I read, “Getting Things Done,” by David Allen, and I’ll admit, I’m a GTD-aholic.)

So, at the beginning (or end) of every week, I review the big task list, figure out my top A priorities (never selecting more than 5), and place them onto a separate sheet of paper (a sticky note, note pad, whatever), so that I can see them at all times on my desk (or even stuck to the cover of my laptop).  Next, I make sure I have time scheduled on my calendar to do these 5 items.  You MUST make an appointment with yourself (or whomever you need) to get these priorities on your schedule FIRST, before you set up any other meetings or any of the other distractions you’re going to allow to muddy up your calendar.  Know your priorities.

With that background out of the way, it’s mid-week gut check time!  On Wednesday morning, I look at my top 5 priorities and consider what progress I’ve made, what the next steps are, and what the “finish line” is for these items this week. The finish line may not be completion of the priority, but the milestone or progress I wanted to achieve.  If you do this on Wednesday, it gives you 2 to 3 whole days to right the ship if you’re off track – to bear down, to make tough choices (like cancelling or putting off meetings or delaying other To-Do’s), and to re-commit to what you will get done before Friday’s happy hour.

If I’m making good progress, I consider what might be a stretch goal to push further, what might put me ahead going into next week, and how I might actually gain some time on my schedule, so I can take what some people call a “break.”  And, I like my breaks.  I like knowing that I can take some time to unwind and feel satisfied with the progress I’ve made.  It helps me recharge for what’s next.  Each spurt of achievement and rest is the same as building muscle.  And this muscle of achievement, planning, focus, and rest is a muscle that can accomplish amazing things.

I thrive best when I have clarity – about what I’m doing, how I’m going to do it, and why I’m doing it.  I make sure my routines support this process.  Are you setting up your routines to support you?  Or are you just winging it?  Support comes in many ways – and setting up good habits and routines for yourself is one such system of support for which you don’t need anyone else.

Give yourself that support so you can — Live on Fire!

D. Luke Iorio, CPC, PCC, ELI-MP
President & CEO
Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

As a teenage athlete, leadership is not something that’s easily recognizable. Instead, players would stand out if they possessed a strong work ethic, had natural talent and skill, had the ability to motivate and encourage others, and got the job done.  Bundled together, to a more mature athlete and adult, this is leadership.

Being a leader isn’t something you choose; it’s something that you are, and it’s something that is felt and recognized by others. When someone possesses these qualities, it’s apparent, and it’s acknowledged when team captains are voted upon. The team collectively selects the person/people they look to for support, strength, and success. It’s at that moment, when you’re selected as a team captain, that you take on the responsibility  of being a leader for your teammates.  You have an obligation to work hard, perform under pressure, and lead by example.

As my athletic career progressed, I had the opportunity to play for many different teams, at many different levels. The competition was harder, the players were better, and everyone was the team captain from the previous team they had played on. Now, the entire team was comprised of team captains and leaders. As a team leader, you would expect to always be selected as the team leader. The worst feeling is to  be overlooked, or worse, to be lost in the crowd.  How do you select a team captain, from an entire team built of them?  The reality, and the beauty, of being a team leader is whether or not you’re voted to carry the title of “team captain,” you’re still a team leader.

Team sports taught me that, regardless of title, role and experience, there’s always an opportunity to be a leader, and to use your leadership skills. Leadership isn’t something you choose, it’s something that you are.  Everyone, at every moment, every play, and every second of the game, has an opportunity to lead.  Life outside of sports is no different. The opportunity for leadership exists everywhere.

Where in your life do you feel like you’re a confident and experienced leader? And where in your life do you feel like you’re not? How true is it, really, that you’re not a leader in that situation? Someone you don’t even realize is looking to you as a leader, and it’s your responsibility to lead in that moment.

Alison Graddock, CPC, ELI-MP
Marketing Assistant
Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

As coaches, we know great questions are really the key to the success for which we’re all looking. One great question to ask ourselves, when we’re looking at our belief system, is, “What is the opportunity here?” We benefit from realizing that there is a significant difference between confidence and self-esteem. Unless we change our esteem – the self-talk in our heads, the things we say to ourselves, the way we feel about ourselves – we won’t be uncovering what’s really going on, i.e., the energy that’s inside of us.

If we want to change our lives, if we want to change our results and figure out that formula for success, it’s not about simply changing behavior. Behavior will get us part of the way. It will help us create faster change, but, that change will not be sustained. We actually have to change the underlying belief system that created those old habits in the first place. If, through the image in the mirror and through our own eyes, we’re still seeing that old person, and we’re not seeing that new person whom we’re creating, the old habits are going to come back. It’s just a matter of time.

To change our belief system, we must stop pretending and stop lying to ourselves. We’re amazingly skilled at rationalizing our situation. Human beings have a gift for being able to rationalize themselves into any type of success or rationalize why something didn’t work out for them. A question to ask ourselves is, “Just what am I pretending not to know?” We must become more self-aware of those things that we’re pretending not to know – that is, to question ourselves serves as one of those reality checks.

We must ensure we call our own bluffs, because we have that amazing gift of being able to rationalize our thoughts and behaviors, and tell ourselves whatever stories we need to in order to support our own self-esteem.  And, at times, the best thing that we can do is to step back and say, “Hey wait a minute; what’s the reality here?  What’s really going on?”

The feelings that surface are the signals of what’s going on inside us.  If we’re not recognizing those, and we’re not accepting and honoring those – if we’re smothering them with an addiction or we’re covering them with something that’s distracting us from what’s really going on – that signal of resistance, which is connected to our pain, is gonna be transmitted to everyone with whom we come in contact.

Stop pretending; stop lying to yourself.  A question I love to ask myself is, “Just what am I pretending not to know.”  When we’re honest with ourselves and say, “Cut the BS; what’s really going on with myself?” It’s almost like we can, at least, own up to the fact and understand that, if it’s not at the level at which you want it, you’re not there, and it doesn’t matter if things are good enough or you’re just getting by or even if you’re doing exceedingly well in any area.  If it’s not at the level at which you want it, you deserve to take a look at where you want to go. And that’s not an easy thing to do, especially with yourself.

Live on Fire!

D. Luke Iorio, CPC, PCC, ELI-MP
President & CEO
Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

Are you 100% committed to your success?  In order to achieve success, it’s critical to be committed, to be passionate, to be available, and to give all that you have.  To be successful, we need to develop and control our attitudes.  The only thing that stands between us and the kind of life we want is our willingness and faith to believe that what we want is possible.  It’s the attitude and belief that we can make it all what we want it to be.  Or, there’s the alternative: We can sit back and wade in the muck, mire, and yuck of life.

If we want to accomplish our goals, it’s not the thought, “I have to do these things,” or “I need to these things.”  Rather, it’s a powerful change and a powerful energy shift that we create for ourselves when we commit our focus on that place of want, as opposed to that place of need.  It’s this change of focus that can propel us to go further, when creating the change we want.

During a recent eFactor, Evie DePiazza described her 212 degrees rule.  The 212 degrees rule is giving the extra degree.  At 211 degrees water is really hot, but at 212 degrees it boils, and that one degree is the difference.  It’s the difference that changes hot water into boiling water, which makes steam.  Steam is energy, and with that one extra degree, that steam can power a locomotive.  The energy of our success comes from exerting that one extra degree.

The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is just that little extra effort.  It’s breaking out of the ordinary to do those small extra things; but, at times, it’s those little extra things that many people won’t go out of their way to do.  And then, all of a sudden, those little extras turn into very big extras, and you step into that realm of extraordinary power.

If you’re going to enter into any activity, you better do it with commitment, because it’s going to be so much more rewarding when your heart and soul are part of it.   Once you step out of the ordinary, step out of your actions, step out of your comfort zone, and step it up to extraordinary, you will see what happens.

So where do you want to be?  How do you want to be?  The choice is yours.

Live on Fire!

D. Luke Iorio, CPC, PCC, ELI-MP
President & CEO
Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

There’s a million “What ifs” you could pose in any moment, and the point isn’t to come up with an exhaustive list.  The point is to explore at least a few more options than the first one or two that come to you.

Otherwise, we risk unconsciously rushing forward and repeatedly making similar choices, which don’t lead us to where we really want to go.  It’s interesting how quick we are to jump into action at times, especially under stress, because we just want to get through it.  We may nail down a next step and even take it, but how well does it lead to where we really want to go?

So, slow down for two minutes, ask some “What ifs,” and you’ll save a lot of time down the road.

And, remember, “What ifs” don’t achieve a lot unless they’re backed up by a decision.  Use the “What if” questions to get a list of options, weigh those pros and cons of the options, and then make the best decision you can.  Follow that decision with, “What’s next?” – meaning how will you specifically move this forward; i.e., name your specific next step(s).

Dream with “What If” and make it happen with “What’s next”!

Live on Fire!

D. Luke Iorio, CPC, PCC, ELI-MP
President & CEO
Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

Balance is like a lava lamp - gel on the inside of the lamp flows slowly to the side to which you tilt it. While we all would like to think that balance means having all aspects of our lives in equal proportion, the truth is, balance is more like focusing a little here, and then a little there.

Balance should be seen from a grand perspective, not in a snapshot of your life. In the long haul, life includes both pain and pleasure, joy and grief, and every other experience you can have. Instead of judging each moment as good or bad, remember that balance means flowing in one direction at a time. Have faith that there is order in what may look like chaos, and you’ll take a huge step towards appreciating all that life offers you, and an even greater step towards appreciating all that life offers you, and an even greater step toward abundant happiness.

—Bruce D Schneider, MCC, PhD
Founder, Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

(Today’s blog is excerpted from iPEC’s self-mastery personal development program, The Law of Being.)

When we receive new information, feedback (and even feedback that isn’t exactly what we want… ever gotten that?) or a new idea that’s thrown our way that directly challenges how we typically or always have done something, our first thought is to resist – to justify our view or way of doing things.

However, since you already know that script by memory and can recite it quite well on cue, I encourage you to instead ask, “How might we do this?”

Seriously, take that challenging idea or the feedback to do things differently.  Clarify it, if need be; make sure you fully understand it and where it’s coming from and why, so that you can think it through and ask, “IF we were to do this, how might this work?”

Most people are afraid to think through a new idea in this manner because they assume others will perceive them as agreeing to, or accepting, what the other person has said and, may then have to move forward on it.  This isn’t the case at all.  This is just about thinking something through.  Now, you may have just read that and are about to say, “Well of course that makes sense; this is simple, who wouldn’t do that?”  Well, the truth is: most people.  Most people can build their resistance wall in 0.2 seconds and do not want to be misconstrued as “agreeing” with the other person.

So then, name your intention.  Say “Hey, I’m not sure if I agree with you, but let’s talk this through.”

This is part of fully understanding anything – considering what it would look like, how it could come to fruition, and what might be accomplished.  Now, you have more information to decide if it gets you to where you want to go and may even be a better path than the one you’ve chosen.  And, better yet, what happens most of the time is that the new idea isn’t quite on target, but it sparks a conversation into which two or more people dive and find a new way that really does work a lot better.

To make a decision, you need to think through where that decision leads.  You need to follow through the course of action and events that will reasonably follow that decision.

In considering “how might we…,” you give yourself more options, and then the decision you make is one you can completely commit to, engage in, and be resolved with to follow through.

Live on Fire!

D. Luke Iorio, CPC, PCC, ELI-MP
President & CEO
Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

If you realize this, when you are up, you can fully appreciate the  moments of pure pleasure. Instead of being disappointed when your great mood doesn’t last, you know that not only won’t it last, but it’s not supposed to, and so, you can appreciate it while it does.

When you are down, you also know that it won’t last, and because of that, you can weather the low. If you are really down, know that your natural balance will soon bring you up. If you want to look at it from a very high level perspective, you can now appreciate the downs, for each of life’s experiences are opportunities to experience all gifts that life brings us.

—Bruce D Schneider, MCC, PhD
Founder, Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

(Today’s blog is excerpted from iPEC’s self-mastery personal development program, The Law of Being.)

What are the types of egos?  There is the weak ego, the strong ego, and, eventually, no ego.  People often ask, “Isn’t a strong ego bad?”  There’s nothing bad or good about any of this.  But, when we talk about ego in our work, we’re really talking about a weak sense of self.  That is, a weak ego, or a weak sense of self, compared to a strong sense of self or a strong ego.  Then, eventually, when you transcend the ego, there is no sense of self, and you remember your true nature of oneness with everything.

Many people who act out or try to portray a sense of superiority, actually do have a weak sense of self. People who are confident, who have the stronger ego, don’t need to do that.  A person who has a weak ego doesn’t have a lot of confidence or self-esteem.  They can feel like they’re ineffectual and worthless.  Or, they can do the opposite and act out and portray a sense of superiority.  Either way, that’s still a weak ego.

A person with a strong ego – a person with more confidence – is someone who identifies with a personality type that works for them.  This is someone who feels better about themselves – someone who has identified with themselves; but, not to make themselves feel superior than other people. Eventually, of course, no ego means one has eliminated that sense of individuality, altogether, and sees the whole and you, as part of it.

It’s not necessary to leave the ego behind, but, if you didn’t have one, then you’d stop judging other people, and, more importantly, you’d stop judging yourself.  You’d be more accepting of yourself and others.  So, how do you live with the ego?  Well, be the participant and the observer at the same time.  So while you’re participating, watch yourself.  Don’t judge it; watch yourself.  Have a belief system that works for you and test it against love… test it against the only truth in this world.

The ego is all about the past.  It’s about the things you’ve learned, the things you know to be true, the things you’ve experienced, all the little voices in your head from your parents and teachers and everyone that you’ve ever spoken with.  That is what really forms the ego, and, so, the ego is who you were – not necessarily who you are in this moment.  When you can transcend the ego, even for a moment, then you can make a conscious choice, one that resonates with your true self, one that resonates with love.

If you’re thinking, “Well this sounds like an almost impossible task, to move past judgment, to move past ego,” remember: Just do it once.  Maybe one time next week, instead of reacting and getting into that conflict… instead of trying to defend yourself… instead of trying to make the other person wrong… instead, one time, just observe.  One time, just think, “Stop!”  Stop and say, “What’s really going on here?  Why do I think this way?  Why am I acting this way?  Where did that come from?” Recognize that it’s not the true you – it’s the learned you and what you learned doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the truth.  In that moment, choose based on your values, based on your heart, based on whatever belief system that you have.  But if you can, at least, choose it consciously and even ask yourself, “How conscious is this choice?  Is this something that I’m thinking about right now or is my past dictating this decision?”

If you can do this from a conscious perspective, you’re going to have more energy, and it’s going to work out better for you, because it’s not going to be driven by the fear, the doubt, the worry, the anger.  All those things are from the past.

Live on Fire!

D. Luke Iorio, CPC, PCC, ELI-MP
President & CEO
Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

Respect.  It’s a very common value among many people from all walks of life.  We want to be respected for who we are and what we contribute.

And “respect” is one of the values that I see at the center of the vast majority of conflicts.

People largely define respect as something they are or are not receiving from someone else – it’s literally being defined as something separate or external to yourself – meaning it’s completely out of your control.

Respect is also defined in terms of criteria as to whether you feel others have valued or honored you.  That criteria could also be seen as a list of ways that you judge other people’s actions and intentions.

We talk, relate, work, and socialize with others, all day long.  And during times of stress or challenge, we or “they” may not take the time to polish up every conversation or thought, something doesn’t go as planned or is misconstrued in conversation, and then… here it comes… wait for it… “They disrespected me!”  And the wall goes up, and openness goes out the window (which is then slammed shut because, hey, you’ve been disrespected.)

People usually do not intend to disrespect others – they intend to respect themselves and their values; just as you respect your own.

Consider what you really value when you think about respect or honor (or feeling valued).  Most people are looking for understanding (and to be understood), to be able to speak up and be heard, or to have their perspective be truly considered.

Consider what it would do for you if you re-wired your value around respect and, instead, said that you had a value for understanding.  How would this value show up in your life, work, relationships, and communication?  And, most importantly, in times of challenge, miscommunication, negotiation, even conflict, what would be different for you in how this value of understanding shows up (as opposed to how the value of respect formerly showed up)?

Live on Fire!

D. Luke Iorio, CPC, PCC, ELI-MP
President & CEO
Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

PS> A reminder… Living on “Fire” is driven by knowledge, consciousness, and wisdom.  It is not about being burned up by our interpretations or the limitations that we box ourselves in by – even when those limitations are masquerading as values.