Give Me Attention Now

nothing to report

noreply@blogger.com (Cold Bacon) — Sat, 11 Aug 2012 21:26:00 +0000

there is really nothing significant new to report. i live in brooklyn.

got new job

noreply@blogger.com (Cold Bacon) — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 19:29:00 +0000

academic appointment. yup. like we care.

and he is about to move again

noreply@blogger.com (Cold Bacon) — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 07:22:00 +0000

yup.

and it did

noreply@blogger.com (Cold Bacon) — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 00:02:00 +0000

he did. he finally did it. he now has moved. he was in one place. now another. moved.

it had to happen

noreply@blogger.com (Cold Bacon) — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 20:41:00 +0000

cold bacon decided he had to move. before the storm. the storm was coming. and he had to do it. it was beyond anyone's capacity to--wait, a song:

Why are you so near to me?
For they will come after us.
This other one
Who came very close
Caused me to boil.
It would be better if you
Got farther away.
And what is your name?
I'm going to be sleeping here on a bed.

I asked her,
"Where are you going?"
She answered me, saying,
"I go deep into the eastern forest."
That is what she told me.
By the way,
Another truth is that a stone can talk!

noreply@blogger.com (Cold Bacon) — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 18:13:00 +0000

oi vey

noreply@blogger.com (Cold Bacon) — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 17:31:00 +0000

another day. more sunshine. sigh.

cold bacon's life

noreply@blogger.com (Cold Bacon) — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 19:17:00 +0000

is more boring than yours. does this make you happy?

some guy just rang the door bell

noreply@blogger.com (Cold Bacon) — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:44:00 +0000

which cold bacon did not answer. it's been a long weekend. and especially a long night. it was like he was young again, except he wasn't. and so there is much headache, and confusion and probably lead too, but in places i don't know about, so maybe it doesn't really matter anyway. and there is fear, great fear over the state of things, especially the things cold bacon has to do today, or at least, this week, maybe, someday. surely by winter. anyway it's all bad. and it's not going away and it's not getting better and fuck if cold bacon is going to answer the god damn door this morning. no, really.

there are those times

noreply@blogger.com (Cold Bacon) — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 21:21:00 +0000

when cold bacon does not receive the proper amount of emails in any given few minutes. it is during those times that cold bacon sometimes takes his sweet leave from the email place, and goes to another place where he lies down on a large white pillow. after a period of about two hours, he arises, and goes to the bathroom, as fate would and does seem to every time now, have it. then, at this point, he is ready. a small angel begins playing clarinet in the key of c minor. and his return is afoot. he enters the room. more clarinets. he walks over to the email place. he plops down. in the big beige chair. and behold, as if someone had magically sent them, emails, dozens upon dozens of emails, waiting. just waiting. each and every one of them delightful. sent and received quite naturally. and not because of threats issued. or warnings. or any manner of tricks used in the establishment of fear and anxiety. and subsequent action. we are all on the white pillow now. we shall all soon forget everything. today is all of our birthday.

oh my god that's not what i meant

noreply@blogger.com (Cold Bacon) — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 19:33:00 +0000

you people are terrible. my god. he would never do that. speak of people in terms of this flavor or that flavor. go through phases where one flavor seemed better than another, and form opinions, and generate small semi-interesting anecdotes, which could then be told, to whomever or whatever was on the other end, at some later time when everything had, well, blown over, so-to-say, generationally. and such histories would now be simply called things like honest or refreshing and not lascivious or disturbed or creepy or crawly or two-fingered pete and his toe thing, and stuff like that. no. he would never do that. when cold bacon says he had too much of that brown sugar, he means he had too much of that brown sugar. and that is ALL he means.

cold bacon had way too much of that brown sugar

noreply@blogger.com (Cold Bacon) — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 15:20:00 +0000

last nite. yeah i think you know what i mean.

the new arrangement

noreply@blogger.com (Cold Bacon) — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 15:52:00 +0000

the other day cold bacon looked down at the usual place for the box that is for receiving mail. instead of the box, what he saw was a large orange pumpkin. the box for the mail was now behind the pumpkin. it is with no particular feeling either way on the matter that i report all of this to you, but as this is what happened, i thought it best to simply give you the facts and let you have your own reaction, whatever it may be. let me recap. there is a large pumpkin next to the brown, wooden door, or i should say in between the two brown wooden doors, each belonging to one set of tenants, or tenant, as is the case for cold bacon because there is only one of him and several of them. all of this is happening on the old red porch. once again, it is behind the pumpkin where one would find a small wooden box, which may or may not have anything in it; i don't really care, as it would more likely be cold bacon's mail and not mine anyway. surely i have mentioned cold bacon's neighbors are in possession of a small daughter who is at least five and probably six, not that i much care as this is the daughter of cold bacon's neighbors and not my own neighbor's daughter, about whose age i care deeply. one more time, just to be clear. large pumpkin. small wooden box. daughter. recent hurricaine. much debris.

the mail from three days ago

noreply@blogger.com (Cold Bacon) — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 17:24:00 +0000

cold bacon did not collect the mail from three days ago. it's still sitting there in the box. but since that time two days have passed and no further things have appeared in the box. cold bacon will wait until there is more in the box.

the mail

noreply@blogger.com (Cold Bacon) — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 15:02:00 +0000

cold bacon collected the mail this morning. the mail from yesterday. in the small wooden box, which had been happily placed on the ground by the door just a few months before. the box is really nothing special at all, not even stained or varnished or anything. just a little five-dollar box from an office supply store. it was only meant to be temporary, but as happens so often, there comes a point at which one can no longer deny that the first draft is indeed the last, especially with mailboxes. not far from all of this not-so-important still life, lives a little gecko lizard who makes regular appearances on the steps leading up to the porch, which serve as his off-stage waiting place. this is where he goes over his lines, meets with admirers and does all those things which a gecko does when he is in between acts.

dispassionancy

noreply@blogger.com (Cold Bacon) — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 14:56:00 +0000

if people knew what cold bacon, supposedly the bringer of happiness, had gone through, the anguish and tragedy he had to overcome to manage to capture that light which has never left him, if people knew all that, they would also realize that this happiness, this light, this dispassionate wisdom which seems to be his, are sometimes well-deserved, given the severity of his trials.

cold bacon went outside

noreply@blogger.com (Cold Bacon) — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 17:36:00 +0000

then he went right back in, after about ten seconds. it was way too fuckn' hot. give him a break. what kind of bullshit was that. my god how could it be hotter. what the fuck.

dead dead dead, finally

noreply@blogger.com (Cold Bacon) — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 19:14:00 +0000

i regret to inform you all that cold bacon is dead. well, actually regret is probably not the right word. let us just say i am informing you that cold bacon, the person who previously wrote this blog, is dead. this means he will no longer be writing any more entries. but blogs must go on, apparently. someone must continue to post entries and that task has fallen onto me. why? because i am the one who killed him. of course, he had it coming. he should have known better than to punch people in the face. at least not in texas, where concealed handguns are the norm. and since i am normal, i had to shoot him. i won't go into any detail, but actually it wasn't any kind of sudden bang-bang-done type of thing, like you've probably already assumed. unlike most of the people i shoot, who die quickly and obligingly, this was pretty drawn out and awful. it took several shots for him to even start dying. of course it was all his fault. he kept jumping around, trying to avoid his fate, like some ancient Greek idiot. so i kept hitting him in non-vital places. i just kept shooting and shooting. blood spewing out everywhere. left arm, both shoulders, couple in the stomach. anyway, as he lay dying, he said what i did was understandable if cruel, and that he felt the least i could do would be to continue his blog. he said something like "i might be dead, but the blog, the blog must live on." then something about vladimir putin. then pushkin. or maybe he was saying pushcarts. i'm not sure. then silence. anyway, i respect the part i understood, of his mumblings, the part about blogs. or wait, was he saying dogs? the dogs must go on? anyway, just in case he was saying the blog must go on, i'll give it a go, at least until i can find someone else to take over. i will do my best to maintain the spirit of the blog. in that vein, i will be writing about him, as if he were still alive and kicking. perhaps it will be as though he is even more alive than before! but it will be in the third person. the troggs? but they haven't played a concert in forever? whatever.

i'll validate your face

noreply@blogger.com (Cold Bacon) — Tue, 27 May 2008 22:17:00 +0000

with my fist.

i'm back

noreply@blogger.com (Cold Bacon) — Thu, 22 May 2008 13:38:00 +0000

but am i really?

i have a small sun burn

noreply@blogger.com (Cold Bacon) — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 14:49:00 +0000

it's ruining my existence. i don't know who to blame.

i just had the usual breakfast

noreply@blogger.com (Cold Bacon) — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 14:25:00 +0000

for breakfast.

i need a day off

noreply@blogger.com (Cold Bacon) — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:29:00 +0000

clearly.

i'm awake

noreply@blogger.com (Cold Bacon) — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 13:04:00 +0000

o i've been awake for a long time already.

i'm going to eat so much ice cream tonite

noreply@blogger.com (Cold Bacon) — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 00:50:00 +0000

you don't even KNOW.