Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me Capitalism. Your mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the People. The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense.” So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.” The father says, “Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.”

The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.”

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?”

For the last installment of Booze Reviews Platinum, I have saved the best (and most expensive) of my beers–the St. Bernardus Abt. 12. This is a Trappist abbey ale brewed in the small monastery town of Watou, Belgium. This is a dark, rich beer that has a full flavor (and clocks in at over 10% ABV) without the overbearing molasses taste of something like the SBC Russian Imperial Stout. It’s much smoother and easier to drink than most beers in its class. In fact, I enjoyed it even more than Spaten Optimator, my previous favorite high-alcohol beer. It should be poured into a goblet-style glass and consumed slowly (especially if you’re planning on driving anywhere for a while). Also, it comes in a bitchin’ 750ml bottle with a champagne-style cork and cage and a smiling monk on the front.

The only problem with this beer is its price. At $11 for the 750ml bottle, it is for most of us a rare splurge. But if you happen to have an extra few bucks, and a liquor store where this is available, give the St. Bernardus Abt. 12 a try. It’s one of the best beers I’ve ever tasted, and worth the money.

The Sacramento Brewing Company is a pretty solid microbrewery in, you guessed it, Sacramento, California. Their Russian Imperial Stout, according to the label, has won a couple of awards at various brewing competitions. Personally, though? Not my thing. It certainly lives up to its name–this is a hell of a beer, clocking in at 8.1% ABV and pouring like molasses, with a dark brown head. I made the mistake of pouring it cold at first. When cold, this beer tastes utterly too sweet, like a Spaten Optimator with a cup of corn syrup dumped in. But allowing it to warm up a bit, to about 50-55 degrees, made it quite a bit better. It’s a good beer to sit and sip, and since it comes in a 22 oz. bottle you’ll be sipping for a while. Served at the proper temperature, I’d drink it again if it happened to be available, but it’s not something I’d order on a regular basis or pay a whole lot of money for. If you’re into extremely rich, stout beers, give it a try, for the sweet-looking label if nothing else. Otherwise, let this one be.

Tomorrow: The final installment of my expensive-ass beer reviews.

She phones Tony Blair and says, “Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?” Tony Blair responds ,”It’s me, ma’am.”

“Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir,” says the Queen. She hangs up and says, “Did you get that, Mr. Bush?”

“Yes ma’am. Thanks a lot. I’ll definitely be using that!”

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he’d better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, “Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me.”

“Why, of course, sir. What’s on your mind?”

“Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, “Can I think about it and get back to you?”

Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. Helms immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

“Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”

Powell answers immediately, “It’s me, of course, you dumb cracker.”

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, “I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It’s Colin Powell!”

And Bush replies in disgust, “Wrong, you dumb shit, it’s Tony Blair!”

Now this is a good dark wheat beer! Similar in style to the Ayinger reviewed earlier this week, but slightly darker in color and with a fuller flavor. Still smooth, as good wheat beers usually are, but it tastes more like a real beer. Also, at $2 for a 500ml bottle, this was the cheapest of the beers currently under review. This one should not be missed. Whether you’re a novice beer drinker looking to move away from Corona and Heinekin, or a beer lover in the mood for a good wheat beer, the Franziskaner Hefe-Weisse Dunkel will suit you wonderfully. Enjoy!

Bush interrupted, “Well, that’s normal, isn’t it? I thought everybody had two sides to their brain?”

The doctor replied, “That’s true, Mr. President. But your brain is very unusual because on the left side there isn’t anything right, while on the right side there isn’t anything left.”

Downtown Brown is a light brown ale created by the Lost Coast Brewery of Eureka, California. It’s quite smooth, but also has a full taste–similar in some ways to Newcastle and other more well-known brown ales. It’s got hops, but not so much that a novice beer drinker would find it too bitter. All in all, an excellent, well-round microbrewed ale. And the bottle art is pretty awesome, too. Pick some up if you can find it where you are.

Ayinger Ur-Weisse is a Bavarian dunkel weizen (dark wheat beer). It is brewed in the traditional German style, heavy on the barley but not too hoppy. This leads to a smooth, creamy taste. Overall, Ayinger’s dunkel weizen is a good solid beer, and would probably go great with some bratwurst or schnitzel.

However, there is a downside. This is a rather expensive beer, at least in the United States, and while it is good it is not the best of its kind. Thus far my favorite dunkel weizen is made by Augustiner, although I also purchased a Franziskaner dunkel weizen which will be reviewed later this week.

Bottom line: If you see Ayinger on sale, pick some up. It’s a good beer by any standard. But given the price I purchased it at, there is better for cheaper.