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Hook Up Hierarchy

Tue, 09 Feb 2010 15:00:00 -0500

Hook ups can range from something to do on a Saturday night to life altering greatness. Here is the hook up hierarchy, Level 1 being the highest.

Level 5: Hooking Up With An Ex
You got a case of the ex, sent a text, and shit went down, specifically you. Your friends harp on you for sticking a finger in an open wound, but at least you got some sweet action. You decided you are strong enough to hook up without getting attached. But now you are wondering if things will go back to the way they were. Oh shit, stop pining. Stop staring into the distance. No I don’t want to hear about how they were the one.

Level 4: Hooking Up With An Outlier
You go to a bar, hitting on standard selections. Typical conversations emerge: What do you study? What do you do? Do you like this song? Shots? Want to get out of here? But then you notice someone with braces. Or gray hair. Perhaps they are over 6”3 o or under 5”3. Either way, this person deviates from the norm. In a world of homogeneous hook ups, you will take the road less traveled, the territory less pillaged. Middle aged, borderline illegal, pick your poison, this person has an attribute that makes them a physical or intellectual outlier. They are the human equivalent to an elective, material you will never use again and selected for reasons of convenience, novelty and easiness. They add much needed variety to your sexual portfolio. You may or may not be a better person afterwards, but gosh damn it at least you did it.

Level 3: Hooking Up With a Hottie
You land a solid 9 or 10. All your friends agree they are physical perfection. Words like "wow" and "niiice" are elicited upon viewing them. This hot piece of ass makes up for all the people that doubted or rejected you. They may be your plateau, your hot person Mt. Everest. All you need to do is enjoy the view and not puke.

It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page! You're a great roommate, but the facebook pranks got kind of old. Sorry about inserting that line into the middle of your resume declaring your innocence of the crimes for which you served 3 years in state prison, I didn't think anyone would take it seriously. Chris H., Kalamazoo My roommate this past semester was a hateful, pathetic nuclear engineering major with a three foot long pony tail. She never bathed, shed her nasty hair everywhere, smelled, and went to bed between the hours of 8:30 and 10 pm every day of the week. If I ever got too loud at night, she would always wake up and "tell me to take my activities elsewhere", even if it was only 11. When i didn't comply, she stole my $100 calculator, took my food, broke one of my lamps, and never let me watch TV even if a game was on. All the while she would ignore me and do homework 24/7 unless I did something wrong. By the end of the semester this year, I had had enough. Notice a little trim to your hair? I cut about 6 inches off, but I dunno if you will notice. That's what you get when you leave your Rapunzel ass ponytail hanging off your lofted bed at 11 p.m. when your asleep. Claire Botner, Purdue My roommate freshman year moved out during our second semester because I didn't say hi to him three times and it was making his life unbearable. Go figure. Tim T., School Not Given My roommate is the kind of guy that takes steroids and spends every waking minute at the gym and he always has his ipod in and I barely talk to the guy. I always figured he would be listening to something heavy, the screen said ABBA. Andrew T. School Not Given Keep Reading

	Written 2010-02-08 16:00:00 by Jeff Rosenberg from 47 likes

Every non-sports fan knows the Super Bowl is about the commercials. And everyone knows that the measure of a good commercial is how memorable it is. Here are ten Super Bowl commercials from the past that achieved the goal of being memorable. Terribly memorable. #10 � CareerBuilder.com (2008)

	Written 2010-02-04 14:00:00 by Sports Pickle 8 likes

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