However, all my feelings about Twilight recently changed when I saw the trailer for the new movie New Moon and realized that the rumors were true: Fox McCloud from Nintendo’s popular StarFox video game series is guest starring:

Don’t believe me?

Still don’t believe me?

In all seriousness, this “werewolf” looks absurdly harmless. And as you may know, the director of New Moon also directed the smash flop The Golden Compass. And, the economy being how it is, I’m sure we can all understand recycling the same horrible CGI wolf models from The Golden Compass.

Am I the only one calling shenanigans on the fact that the kid’s movie Golden Compass has scarier wolves than the teen-centered New Moon? Perhaps teen girls are more prone to shit-in-the-pants when they see something scary?

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I’m going to explain to you how you can save money in two ways: filling out unit condition forms in detail and writing an effective dispute letter if you do get charged for something.

Spend more than 10 minutes filling out your unit condition form…

…unlike me when I first moved into The Village at Science Drive (here’s a post about why you should NEVER live there, by the way). Let’s take a look at The Village’s Unit Condition Form:

I hastily spent 10 minutes going around the apartment notating what I thought was “not OK” (I found a whole 9 things—my naiveté will be more apparent in a few paragraphs). I didn’t think it was too important since the University of Central Florida never seemed too strict about those things when I lived on campus. Also, to be completely honest, I figured that by marking “OK” it literally meant “OK”: the item is in OK condition—not perfect, not great, just OK.

That was not the case.

Filling out forms is easy; paying for things you don’t want is stupid.

So, my 10 minutes of work quickly turned into a few hours of work when I received a certified letter in the mail citing various charges that I was responsible for (including the charge to send me the letter via certified mail, the hell?)

I’ve written more letters to The Village (sounds like a cult) than I care to care about—broken air conditioners, stolen equipment, defective locks on doors, and probably more. If I had any hope of getting my money back I knew this letter had to be perfect. So, I wrote a really dense, professional, and intense letter (read it by clicking here). They ended up refunding me all of the money, but I guess they could have just as easily not.

I treated my new apartment’s Unit Condition Form like a crime report from C.S.I. (Do they have “crime reports” on C.S.I.?)

Okay, so I got my money back. But writing a letter takes a lot of time and there’s no guarantee that it’s going to work. Filling out a form takes a lot less time and it’s a pretty good safeguard against you being charged for things you didn’t do. Take a look at my C.S.I. Unit Condition Form for River Park Apartments:

As you can see, I marked as many things as I could find and, believe it or not, I didn’t fake anything—I simply took the time to really look at everything.

I would like to mention, however, that being vague on the form isn’t illegal and it definitely works in your favor, e.g., “dirty” instead of “wall has one black mark,” but I wouldn’t lie because there’s a chance that they may come out and look.

In summary, as my 5th grade teacher would require me to say…

…here are three key things that I think you should take away from this blog post:

1. Actually fill out your unit condition forms, in detail.
2. Be vague when it comes to certain things so you can stretch your words to cover potential issues that could be argued against you.
3. If you do get charged for something, make sure you do NOT passively hand over money to your apartment complex. It’s their job to charge you. It’s most college students’ job to ask their parents to pay for it—or so it was before this blog post, right? Don’t be most college students. Write an effective letter to change their mind (these aren’t the charges I’m paying for…)

What do you think about these forms? Do you ever fill them out? Have you ever had a problem with an apartment complex or landlord trying to keep your security deposit or charge you for absurd things? Let me know in the comments.

Also, remember to subscribe to my RSS feed or by email so you can get instant updates to my new blog posts. I’ve seen a recent spike in the amount of subscribers, which is awesome!

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1. Block Fucking Stupid Applications: When Facebook began introducing applications it was both wonderful and frustrating. Let’s face it: we’ve all been bitten by zombies on Facebook at least once as well as seen some of our friend’s Facebook pages literally littered with trashy applications. Word to the wise: we don’t care which Disney character we are anymore. That’s sooo LiveJournal. The “Block Fucking Stupid Applications” feature would do just that, automatically block all fucking stupid Facebook applications.
2. The ability to Hate status updates: When people post status updates you have the option to “Like” them. But sometimes I don’t like them. Sometimes I hate them. And I want the power to tell everyone that I hate them.
3. I think I’m Always Busy That Day: One of Facebook’s best and most abused features is the ability to create and invite people to events. Most of the time when I select “No” for an event I’m thinking “No, and I’ll never attend an event hosted by this person, ever,” and I know I’m not the only one. Half of the time I don’t even know what the event means. Clicking this new and improved fourth button would show you as not attending the event and auto-decline future event invitation from the person who invited you.
4. People You May Not Want to Know: This feature is without a doubt the feature that I crave the most. Facebook already has a “People You May Know” feature. This feature would display the exact opposite results by showing you which friends you interact with the least on Facebook. Ideally, it would also tell you why it’s suggesting you shouldn’t know them.

What do you think of these features? Would you use them? Are there any other features you wish existed but don’t? Let me know in the comments.

Remember to subscribe to my RSS feed or by email so you can get instant updates to my new blog posts.

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“Lake red.” There are two problems I have with this:

1. You can see on some of the other pencils that those color names are perfectly normal: violet, blue, pink, light blue, etc. Why is one suddenly called something crazy?
2. Lake red? Lakes aren’t red. That’s like saying “grass blue,” or “blood yellow.” This probably wouldn’t be such a big deal if it were called “red sea,” but it isn’t.

The lesson here is that no one should be using Prang unless they know their colors really well—children beware.

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During the school year I think I cleaned more—when I was supposed to be editing my film—than I had in the past year. I’d sit down to edit and hey, this desk is really dusty and it’ll only take a minute. Often times it’d become such a distraction I’d have to force myself not to clean. Hello. I’m Jesse and I’m crazy.

But when I don’t have important things to do I find that cleaning is also very relaxing. It’s the one time when I can set my brain on autopilot: what errands do I have to run? what people do I need to call back? anything else? That way I can stay active and think about what I need to do. Sitting around and doing nothing is the WORST which is why I absolutely hate being sick because you pretty much have to do nothing. I guess you could say that I’m not a “stop and smell the roses” type of guy and more of a “here they come, better get a good smell ’cause we’re not stopping.”

Cleaning is easy but time consuming. A lot of people think that it’s a waste of time (all of my previous roommates, for starters). My mom always kept a clean house and my dad is an absolute clean freak, which is probably where I get it from.

Also, cleaning and organizing are very different (though I do enjoy both). Cleaning is spraying 409 on the counter and wiping, doing the dishes, dusting, etc. Organizing is filing, rearranging, optimizing. I wonder, however, if putting things back where they go falls under cleaning or organizing. People often say, “I’m just cleaning up” and they’re folding blankets, putting books back, putting DVDs in cases, etc. It really is more organizing because those things aren’t “dirty” and therefore you can’t clean them.

Sometime soon I really need to start organizing everything for my move to Los Angeles. I bought one of those 300 DVD wallet things so I can put all my DVDs in there instead of taking all the boxes across the country. My compulsive side isn’t going to like not being in constant alphabetical order.¹

I’m also trying to wash dishes immediately after I use them now. It takes more dedication but it is so worth not having the dish-wash-pile-stack.

1. If I buy something new I’m going to have to put it at the end unless I want to constantly reorganize the wallet, which I don’t.

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Here’s why I feel that I have to explain where that quote comes from: I was late to class a few weeks ago and had to run to get there on time (the fact that once I got there people were waiting outside the class for the professor to arrive is beside the point). While I was running past various people on campus I was in shock at how not one of them said “run, Forest, run.”

I wonder why no one said anything. Perhaps it just got old? Or does no one know who Forest is anymore? JENNAYYY.

Running is awkward. Marathon much? Triathlon? Who are you? And I think that’s why people feel the need to say something when they see people running. Whether it’s “well he must have some place to be!” or “when you’ve gotta go you’ve gotta go,” saying something when someone is running is the awkward silence equivalent to saying,  ”…awkward.”

Ironically, most awkward silences are created by the act of saying “awkward” rather than the silence itself. I wonder if running is the same. Regardless, I don’t feel like Tom Hanks anymore (score).

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I realized that the final cut need to be much shorter and move much faster and these scenes are long and slow-moving—and I love them. There are wonderful subtle moments in the birthday party scene and amazing over-the-top moments in the commercial.

Let me know what you think in the comments.

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I’m moving to Los Angeles (Loce Ahng-hail-ais) in August to become a famous movie director. Once I arrive, I estimate that it will take six to seven hours before I’m famous.¹ I’m moving in with three amazing people, though one of them doesn’t have a Gmail account (yet). Our journey will be four days long and I’ll be cramming my iPod with as many podcasts as possible. Grammar Girl’s Quick and Dirty Tips, for sure.

Even though college is over I’ll keep posting here over the summer, keeping you updated on my life and eventually my move across the country. I always love reading stories of people trying to figure out what they’re doing with their life and now I’ll finally have some stories of my own to share. If the whole “get famous in six hours” thing falls through (unlikely), then I’ll take whatever work I can as I try to become an editor. I think that’s my thing. But who knows. In 7th grade I wanted to be a news anchor (I’m telling you, 7th grade is the WORST).

And I know what you’re thinking: if you’ve graduated from college, then how is college a movie anymore? Good question. And no good answer. Maybe collegewasamovie.com? reallifeisamovie.com? I don’t know. I’m not sure if the isamovie.com brand still makes sense anymore. It’ll be something I’ll be thinking about over the summer. If you have any ideas, I’d love to hear them. Unless it’s jessechapman.com. It’s already registered to another Jesse Chapman—here’s a screenshot from today:

And if you don’t believe me you can see for yourself. Maybe one day Jesse Chapman will give Jesse Chapman that site. That will be a wonderful day.

1. While that estimate may seem long, I’m figuring in traffic.

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