The Colonel Radioshow

Suck It And See!

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 13 May 2012 11:11:01 +0100

Episode 149 with Sage and the Colonel - How do you do what you do to me? Suck it and see!

The Tewenty Seven Club. Lightweights only

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 14:50:01 +0100

Swinging England, Brian Jones and the otherlightweights, David Walliams in the Thames, redheads and the Royals, Cheggers in the trenches

Vapor Rooms, Formaldehyde And The Turner Prize

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 16:00:01 +0100

Men together in the Poplar Vapour Rooms... Pressing trousers... Lord Lucan... glory holes... the Colonel's outrageous plan on how to keep the Falklands safe... all finished off with some toilet trouble

Hung Up On Meat Hooks (don't do me like that!)

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 31 Mar 2012 18:44:01 +0100

Crabtree and Sage return with a new series! A journey into the darkness... Georgie Fame, Water Buffalo, homeless people, Rita Marley, ginormous erections, the Hallal pill crusade

Woggle Madness and Clutch Problems

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 18 Mar 2012 10:44:01 +0100

Pre series special - Woggle Madness and Clutch Problems

Great Expectations

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 18:00:01 +0100

Who is the Colonel's famous long lost great grandchild? Are Terry's better than Dirk's? What did Crabtree do to Mrs Haversham? Last in the series

Ayahuasca and Other Such Stories

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 19:10:01 +0100

Psychedelic exploring... up the Amazon in a dress... coming serpents... Claire Sweeney salivating in Jack boots... on being Anne Frank one evening 1945, with just her sister at her side... the horror! the horror!

A fluffy revolution

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 19:10:01 +0100

Experimenting with polar bears, cous cous, Mick McCarthy, revolution

Stop the clocks I want to get off - Mid series special

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 11:30:01 +0100

Midseries special from the Colonel and Sage

Christmas Special - Ebony and Ivory all in it together

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 12:00:01 +0100

Festive fun with the Colonel's Christmas Special - Ebony and Ivory all in it together... doing it for the kids

Crumbs of Crowley

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 21:38:01 +0100

The Colonel recounts time spent with Aleister Crowley. The dark arts, ducks, leather pants, Mike Yarwood and other satantic stuff and nonsense

Murder Without Conviction

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 19:02:01 +0100

We discover various high profile 'indiscretions' by the Colonel that links him with some of the most historical assissinationsof the 20th Century. In addition, a Scotsman is unfortunate.

Falling over with Miranda

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 19:42:01 +0100

Twisting with Sage and the Colonel... The despicably evil plan of the great inventor Otis Van Strapon, involving Miranda Hart and falling over. The Chinese, Stacia Blake and Liptons Tea??

You do the fighting, I'll do the talking

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 22:00:01 +0100

Rantsville - Archbishops, big society, the French, David Cameron the shit... the Colonel gets a bit wound up with them all

The fly killer runs a mock

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 10:37:01 +0100

Who are we? Blaming the wife, getting conned by the YMCA, Ku Klux Klan, inspecting hard drives and fisticuffs with the Angel Gabriel

Mein Cucumbers

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 16:33:01 +0100

This week Eva Peron, Muslim knock knock jokes, toffs and cultivating cucumbers

The art of seduction

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 18 Sep 2011 20:53:01 +0100

New Series! Sleeping with mothers. Standing and delivering. Anyone for tennis, diving or pool? And getting throttled by the Krays

Land of Hope and Gory

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 04 Sep 2011 19:45:01 +0100

I predict a riot... Series special with the Colonel, Ronnie Kray and the rest. Arse, skinheads, flagpoles, riots and looting gobstoppers. How to get a job at the BBC and how to hire a chimney sweep. At the end of the day, give them six of the best and have a cup of tea.

Episode Special - Hollywood Conspiracy with Wigs

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 20 Aug 2011 20:45:01 +0100

The Madame Tassaud’s Scandal, the Colonel’s role in the killing of Osama Bin Laden… what really goes on in the Playboy mansion. The joy of auto asphyxiation. How to make porridge… and how Ted Rogers helped out Al Qaeda

Suffragette Transparency

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 09:00:01 +0100

Hello Sailor! Been caught stealing... Compromising photographs of Prince Philip... did she jump or was she pushed? Getting it out in the open... Last in the series

Food and oil issues

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 03 Jul 2011 21:00:01 +0100

Starting from the bottom up with Ronald McDonald... who killed Victor Hugo? Sexual harassement in the trenches

Tales from Berlin

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 19 Jun 2011 22:30:01 +0100

The buggerer's buggerer, the trench wench, Ken Dodd's feather duster, Dr Who is compromised, dealing with the youth and being unkind to Israelis and who the hell's Max Miller?

Colonel Gaddafi's pantomine horse

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 05 Jun 2011 18:30:01 +0100

The metaphysical power of the Aztec sausage, Charlie Sheen's strategy for Libya, the confusion over the Karate Kid, Brian Cox and Opera

The Tales of a Gay Romper Stomper

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 21 May 2011 17:15:01 +0100

John Galliano, Romper Stompers, tattoos, favouring Muslimists, kidnapping cats

Smoke Screens - Wikileaks

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 08 May 2011 19:15:01 +0100

Is wikileaks a smokescreen for a bigger stink? Is Prince Philip a deviant? Where is the clown with the bulge in his trousers?

Twin Towers, illusionists and film makers

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 23 Apr 2011 18:45:01 +0100

The Twin Towers conspiracy, hijra, Rogered Milliband and tightening nuts, all in a day's work for Crabtree and Sage

Oh The Good Life (until someone causes trouble)

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 10 Apr 2011 11:15:01 +0100

Sage is joined by both the Colonel and Ronnie... they discuss Bolshevism, hurting rabbits and Sting and William Hague's plan to steal from old people

Short Term Ice Dancing

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 22:15:01 +0100

Richard Keys and Andy Gray, man on man affection, all you ever wanted to know about corned beef and freeze dried haemeroids

Woe betide the eunuchs

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 13 Mar 2011 21:15:01 +0100

The Colonel returns with series 13. Peace in our time, paying for sex, double headed spying... the first goon show, shitting in holes

Stealing from Sainsburys

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 06 Feb 2011 14:05:01 +0100

Stealing from Sainburys and blinding the Police. Hitting people with guitars, pissing blood and hypnotising Court Judges... all in a days work for the Colonel.

Surviving Armageddon up Ben Nevis

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 23 Jan 2011 18:30:01 +0100

Who will best survive in a post-apocalyptic world? Sage or Crabtree? And which one will end up starving to death in Wales? Which of the oldies has the best sperm to re-populate the new world? Rubbing sticks, collecting mushrooms and Danny La Rue are all discussed as Sage and the Colonel discuss their prospects after armageddon.

Empire Building with Ron and Reg

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 19:30:01 +0100

Ronnie and Reggie Kray return from the grave discuss their future plans, which include pickling and Boris Karloff. Also, a message from Alvin Lindwall who discusses breathing in Hitler dust, cannibalism and why it’s all God’s fault.

Merry Christmas Everyone

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Fri, 24 Dec 2010 10:00:01 +0100

Get into the Christmas spirit with the Colonel, Sage, Ron and the rest of the team. The studio is filled with love as they discuss the Colonel's failed suicide bombing Son. Also, is the Colonel the real father of David Cameron's children?

Poking with a stick

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 12 Dec 2010 20:46:01 +0100

To poke or to blow up? The Vanstrapulater, sneaking into Heaven through the back door, Hitler or Gandhi?... Last in this series.

Erotic Pulsations

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 04 Dec 2010 15:18:01 +0100

The pulsating movements of Louie Spence... The Colonel launches an appeal for the victims of the recent great floods in Kingston Upon Thames... find out what did Ronnie Kray do to Duncan Bannatyne... Don't listen to this whilst eating...

Whoops

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 27 Nov 2010 19:18:01 +0100

Does the original version of the last supper prove that Jesus was either Australian or gay? What was Satan so upset about? Where did Michael Jackson put his finger?

God's punishment and other controversies

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 17:55:01 +0100

The Colonel airs his controversial views on Olympic training, religionist's views on punishing limp wristers, how to achieve a distinctive swagger with the 'walnut trick' and does God wear a wig?

Gurkha Issues

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 7 Nov 2010 15:55:01 +0100

A Frenchman on the run, banning Gurkhas, pumping children full of Jesus, phone sex with Bishops and Boris and his Johnson

The Pathfinders

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Mon, 1 Nov 2010 16:00:01 +0100

The sorry tale of Tiddler Terry, sat in a tree... also... Dawn Clench... Vince Cable's Hitler moustache and why Mugabe demands respect

The wrong end of the stick

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 23 Oct 2010 18:55:01 +0100

Boxing with Denis Healey, farting with Evelyn Waugh and wanking with Edith Piaf... all in a days work for the Colonel

While the Watcher watches you...

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 14:32:01 +0100

Cat Stevens, split anuses, poor people and sausages, problems with permanent erections, how to make a slush puppy

Tourettes all round

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 10 Oct 2010 17:36:01 +0100

Problems with Philip Schofield's poppers, Piers Morgan runs a Mosque, the English Defence League has tourettes... Roger Agogo goes mad

When life gives you lemons...

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 26 Sep 2010 17:36:01 +0100

The Colonel returns with a new series... Secret lemonade drinking, The Duke of Wellington, hanging around lavatories, bloody Boris's pushbikes, trouble on the buses

Stalking Jennifer Aniston

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 19 Sep 2010 19:34:01 +0100

Walking on the wild side with Danny La Rue, stalking Jennifer Aniston with Dr. Legg, trespassing with Wayne Rooney and kiddy fiddling with the Pope... all in a day's work for the Colonel

Ron and Reg reunion

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 14:10:01 +0100

Before the new series begins, Ronnie and Reggie Kray enjoy a reunion. They discuss what a rubbish decorator Jackson Pollock was, cafes, Star Trek and Ron’s sexual preferences.

Royal Scandal Bank Holiday Special

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 14:10:01 +0100

A drunken Colonel witters about taking drugs with the Royal family, his plan to take back India for the Empire and putting chilli peppers up the Kyber pass. There is a delightful summer song about self love and then the Colonel spews all over himself.

Knob Brothers Q and As

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 14:10:01 +0100

The Knob Brothers, the very aged rockers, are in the studio discussing their days in the music industry... old novelty records, Joe Meek, groupies, the management style of the Colonel and the size of their knobs

Film Review with Jock Spalding

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 20:10:01 +0100

Sage’s attempt at a cultural film review has mixed results as Jock Spalding is invited to the studio to discuss Herzog’s Fitzcarraldo and Tarkovsky’s Stalker… then he gets his knob out and things take a turn for the worse.

Golden kangeroo balls

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 19:40:01 +0100

Marmite bagels, naughty Jews, limp wristed German sheep, the location of Lord Lucan and golden kangeroo balls... the chaos continues in the last in this series... special episode next week!

Give Mossad a call

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 15:25:01 +0100

Can Sue Pollard do the splits? Who does Sting think he is? What do Mossad want with Shane Ritchie? Are the Colonel's social policies too extreme? These and many other questions will be partially answered at best in this weeks episode... you can probably answer that last question yourselves to be honest.

Geri Halliwell and the Fanshaw Candelabra Story

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 20:00:01 +0100

The beautifully retarded Cheryl Cole and a case of mistaken identity involving Geri Halliwell and Fanshaw Candelabra... for the second week in a row - no one gets 'cut'

In Cold Blood

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 17:45:01 +0100

Truman Capote, Mick McCarthy, Fanshaw Candelabra and Ronnie Kray all join the Colonel and Sage in the studio this week, luckily, no one gets 'cut'

Saddam's Weapon of mass destruction uncovered

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 17:45:01 +0100

The Colonel recalls how he accidently started the Iraq War when inspecting Saddam's bunker... also - carving up Arabia and killing Jeremy Paxman

Caught with ya pants down

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 05 Jun 2010 17:45:01 +0100

Flashing at the Chilton enquiry, Bill Gates killing Germans, Peter Tatchell's soft spots, defending Quinten Crisp, offending the Irish

French and Italian issues

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 30 May 2010 22:42:01 +0100

A lonely little man from Clapham... Oliver fist... loosing sense of reality... talking sex and celibacy... shooting Italians in the backside... The naked flesh of Jane Fonda

The Colonel's hermaphrodite lost love

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 22 May 2010 17:31:01 +0100

Hermaphrodites are on the table this week as the Colonel reveals his lost love. Lady Gaga, Tarkovsky and codpieces are also on the agenda

Transvestite whales?

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 16 May 2010 20:30:01 +0100

Martin Luther King, Transvestite whales, teenage pregnancy and why not to suck on used tampons

Sage in perverted mode - the new Series begins

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 09 May 2010 22:29:01 +0100

Fisters, twisters and lispers... The Colonel reviews the Knob Brothers new songs... bad language and questionable comments are unleashed

Vote Crabtree! - Election Special

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 02 May 2010 20:00:01 +0100

Prior to the new series of the Colonel's radioshow, we present the Colonel's Election Special - the Colonel outlines his policies and expresses exactly how he feels about Cameron, Clegg and Browntrousers

The Knob Brothers speak

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 20:00:01 +0100

Before a new series of the Colonel Radioshow kicks off we have the Knob Brothers memoirs... including Curdled custard, dirty books, dirty girls, quantum physics and Joe Meek the f**ker

Michael Jackson's new nose and other stories

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 13:00:01 +0100

Getting to the knob of the matter with Peter Sellers and his rubber nose, Lionel Ritchie and his penis, the Pope and his arse and Michael Jackson and his puppets... Last in the current series

Jealous of Jonathan Ross

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 20:03:01 +0100

Havoc in the studio, Mick McCarthy get cut, Jacques Kallis gets cut... there's talk of abusing Barry Manilow and the Colonel accusses Sage of professional jealousy

Freedom of Speechless

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 21:42:01 +0100

Should we grab Lord Mandelson around the neck, strangle the life out of him and feed him to vegetarians? Should we worry about Communists, Fascists and the Alabama 3?

Poetry Corner

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 13:42:01 +0100

A poetry reading descends into farce when the Colonel accuses Derek Pringle of raping Sage... The Colonel dissects the Bible and concludes that it is all bollocks.

Trudi Stings Gary Linekar

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 15:25:01 +0100

What happened when the Colonel is invited to a Tuscan orgy by Sting and Trudie Styler and the strange case of Gary Linekar and a bag of salt 'n' shake

The Death of Poetry

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 21:15:01 +0100

Episode 100! Jock Strap, Sage in poetic mood and never twist a fister.

Leg touching and limp wristed immigration

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 21:36:01 +0100

Leg touching in the cinema, Johnny Lydon the hypocrite, remarkably dressed Muslims, the Colonel outlines his immigration policies.

Colonel's Christmas Speech

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 21:10:01 +0100

The Colonel delivers his Christmas message to the Nation. Ronnie Kray accidentally spoils Christmas and then he spoils it again (by accident).

Colonel's Christmas Special

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 23:24:01 +0100

Tea bagging with The Queen Mum, pogoing with Prince Philip and the Colonel's special Christmas 'Peace' Mission to Afghanistan... next Thursday the Colonel delivers his Christmas message

Oh dear Sydney!

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 18:01:01 +0100

Fisting with the Pet Shop Boys, Ronnie's naughty tailer, a dead foot on the shoulder and re-cycling with Ronnie

Family values

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 19:26:01 +0100

Reggie and Ronnie oven gloves... A new Ronnie scam involving young boys selling household goods door to door... someone is going to get cut. Anybody want some Staminol?

Tax avoidance suggestions

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 14:25:01 +0100

Series 10 begins with Ronnie Kray... more tax avoidance ideas with the story of Philip Jenkins - Inland Revenue 'employee of the month' who ended up with a leek sticking out of his bottom.

Memoirs of the Knobs

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 18:12:01 +0100

Using Michael Jackson's nose, the abuse of Adrian Chiles and what did Cliff Richard rub into the bottoms of the Knob Brothers?

From humble beginnings to nothingness

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 08:47:01 +0100

Corrected mp3 link from previous!... sorry old chaps... The perils of rubbing Algipan on your Johnson... The Colonel introduces The Knob Brothers... tan chords and slip on shoes...the milking of Mark Lester

I believe I can fly

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 19:20:01 +0100

Welcome back Colonel!... Rosa Parks sat down so that Martin Luther King could walk, Martin Luther King walked so that Barack Obama could run, Barack Obama ran so that our children could fly like R Kelly... Are all the problems over now we have a black man in the White House? Last in the current series

Will Ronnie live again?

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 22:00:01 +0100

Final episode with Ronnie - including more tales of his protection racket in Purgatory with Ghandi, Frank Sinatra, Francis Bacon, Millets and Jesus... Ronnie finally gets his money. the Colonel returns from his tour of the USA next week!

Zeus in a headlock

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 22:00:01 +0100

The Krays plan their return to Earth by kidnapping Jesus, sticking him in the cupboard with Ghandi and blackmailing God... they plan to take over the bodies of the Kemp Bros.... failing that Ant and Dec... failing that, the Chuckle Brothers.

Threatening Jesus

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 15:00:01 +0100

Ronnie Kray is still back from the dead, revealing more of his adventures in purgatory... shooting Jesus... nicking the head of John the Baptist and admiring the Prophet Mohammed's large sword...

Threatening God

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 15:00:01 +0100

Madness in the studio as the spirit of Ronnie Kray continues to control the body of medium Josie VanStrapon... Ronnie continues his tales from purgatory, explaining his extortion racket on the River Styx, why he had to 'cut' the Charon and why he had to threaten God

Live Seance

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 15:00:01 +0100

Spooky... The spirit of Ronnie Kray is summoned during a live seance with Sage. Ronnie's constant threats to 'cut' Sage are interspersed with frightening tales including the sewing up of Cliff Richard's Anus and Gandhi's sexual prowess in the afterlife.

Kipper ties as a force for good

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 11:00:01 +0100

The Colonel is on tour in the US so Mick McCarthy visits the studio. Sage struggles with this high tempered 'mans man' with his kipper tie obsession. Discussions include his fallout with Roy Keano, Mick's mother, River dance training and (of course) kipper ties as a force for good.

Cock on air

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 11:00:01 +0100

Religion, tickling Gerry Halliwell's trout and corrupting East End tailors... The Colonel is off on tour in the Americas or is it Russia so Sage and Crabtree have a goodbye sing song. Finally, we listen to a recording of Ronnie Kray from Broadmoor who dedicates a poem to the Colonel.

The mad axmen

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 11:00:01 +0100

Tales from the old East End as the Colonel recalls his nightclub days with the Kray Twins, Sid James and Barbara Windsor including the astounding tale of dead men in shoulder pads. Also on the table - nipple tweaking, Chelsea Pensioners and darts

Ronnie Kray's Flat

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 11:00:01 +0100

It's be kind to Featherlite week... The Colonel is convinced Billy Connolly has become a priest and he recalls his curious visit to Ronnie Kray's flat... featuring Charles Hawtrey and man on man action

Mick Bloody McCarthy

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 11:00:01 +0100

Mick McBloody McCarthy makes a guest appearance on the show. Lawrence Olivier shooting ping pong balls from his back passage and Bald patches in the pubic area

Salt beef and foot fetishes

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 11:00:01 +0100

Candyfloss, cheesecake and orgies - the Colonel's vision of Utopia unveiled. Cherie Blair gets a tongue lashing and entertaining fuckwits

J-Lo's knickers

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 11:00:01 +0100

More preposterous tales as the Colonel continues his investigations into the Pubic placements... Keith Chegwin, Ben Affleck, Boris Johnson and J-Lo's knickers are all implicated

Who is the Pubic monster?

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 11:00:01 +0100

Tales of strange goings on at the Beeb and Channel 4 with deliberate pubic placements being left in toilets. Who is Pubus Errectus, the creature that haunts the Colonel's dreams? What horrified June Whitfield in the canteen and what links Davina McCall, James Nesbitt, Noel Edmunds and the Krays twins?

Large proboscises

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 11:00:01 +0100

Before Series 9 starts we have some candid conversations: Sarah Jessica Parker and large proboscises, Yosser Hughes, Andy Peters and finally - what highbrow discussion would be complete without mentioning rimming

I blame Ringo Starr

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 11:00:01 +0100

Who's the better dictator - Robert Mugabe, Idi Amin or Simon Cowell? Does God get angry when the Colonel masterbates? The story of Viceroy Vickers.

Pouring petrol

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 23 May 2009 11:00:01 +0100

The Colonel (antagonist extraordinaire) is at it again with an eclectic range of topics - pouring petrol on George Clooney, mocking the luck of the Irish, playing Fagin and a very odd story about Demis Roussos

I was Ronnie Kray's driver

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Thu, 14 May 2009 11:00:01 +0100

Was Hitler visited by the Angel Gabriel? Is China a piss soaked tramp? Why are hairy idiots allowed on TV? And will the Colonel ever get to discuss his time as a driver for Ronnie Kray?

Teabagging the Prime Minister

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 03 May 2009 11:00:01 +0100

Which Prime Minister enjoys teabagging whilst whistling? What is stamp licking? Who forages on Wimbledon Common like a perverted Womble? Why is stabbing so in vogue and who can we blame? All these pastimes of the good and great are discussed by the Colonel and Sage in this episode

Lewd subject matter

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 11:00:01 +0100

The Colonel returns with more dirt and libellous accusations involving Lenny Henry, eating ice cream with Robert Mugabe, chicks with dicks or blokes with tits, necrophilia with the illuminati and more talk of bottoms

Holiday Episode

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Thu, 2 Apr 2009 11:00:01 +0100

Special holiday episode... Sage and his shorts are off to Bangkok for a couple of weeks 'relaxation'and The Colonel cannot be left alone so the show will return in two weeks... meantime, here's a short chat about French letters, Ronnie Kray, a cure for 'gay', golfing and (of course) fisting

Transvestite Dancer

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 11:00:01 +0100

Did Alicia, dressed as Grace Jones, hit Russell Harty on the Lily Allen show? Why is Jeremy Clarkson upset with Michael Jackson? Is Vernon Kay the future? Where is the clitoris? Find the answers to these burning questions in the latest episode of the Colonel Radioshow

Gloryholes

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 11:00:01 +0100

Who the hell is Cherie Blair? Sage gets dunked in the canal and gets his mohair shorts wet. Scope darts, the Cornish dialect and the aristocrats

Guess the smell with Ewan Mcgregor

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 11:00:01 +0100

Assinating Ewan Mcgregor, Easy Rider sabotage with Dennis Hopper, Nelson Mandela collaboration with the Prodigy, Prince Albert cock ring retrieval device and why the Colonel is unlikey to get a knighthood

Turkish baths and bendiness

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 11:00:01 +0100

Derek Pringle's poetry corner, turkish baths, Geldof's goat children, Sergio Crease the Scope Hero and the dislike of bendiness. Also; the strange case of the clone of Ian Hislop... or is it a surgically enhanced Robert Maxwell?

Killer Puppies

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 11:00:01 +0100

Illusion and nonsense from the Colonel: Killer puppies, insulting Chris Martin, the fine line between Gandhi and Hitler, insulting Islam extremists and also the Colonel tells some jokes

What a cock up

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 11:00:01 +0100

Shitting in ditches with Henry Kissinger, tents for the homeless and other preposterious tales from the Colonel and company

Who is Sir Robert Trouser?

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 11:00:01 +0100

Who is the mysterious Robert Trouser? Was there a conspiracy to convince the world that Lady Diana was attractive? Who has Paul Gascoigne in a headlock and who are Stephane and the Kiddiewinkers?

The Gary Glitter incident

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 11:00:01 +0100

Gary Glitter's possible clone, prophetic testicals, flirting with featherlight and Margaret Thatcher are all topics in this chaotic episode

Soapsuds and Jockstraps

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 11:00:01 +0100

Series 8 begins with talk of a room full of young men, medieval buggery, fatwa inducing claptrap and Boris Johnson on his Raleigh racer

Happy New Year

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 11:00:01 +0100

A Happy New Year message from the Colonel with Ronnie Kray, Mick McCarthy and idiots from TV

Homemade Condoms

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 11:00:01 +0100

Homemade condoms, Helen Mirren in Caligula, Harold McMillan exposed, Gin Lane, Crack Alley and obesity as an infectious disease

Unnatural Kinks

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 11:00:01 +0100

Bankers, wankers and Bono... the Colonel says something stupid about Right Wing Conspiracy Theories about the London Bendy Bus

The smoking ban, personal freedom and cheese

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 11:00:01 +0100

I love cheese, Roy Castle and the smoking ban, Sven the Swede, getting high with Russell Harty... Tom Cruise the fanny plunger, sharing a cell with Jeffrey Archer

Goats, Popes and Necrophilia

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 11:00:01 +0100

Half man half goat? Marching into Poland and the story of Maggie May

Illuminati - Squeezing the truth out

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 11:00:01 +0100

Is the late Robert Maxwell really Ian Hislop? Is the real Ian Hislop going to be fed to the Illuminati? Is Rick Waller Ronald McDonald?

Liberals Jockstrap

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 11:00:01 +0100

New series begins with a short introduction and message of hope from The Colonel and Sage!

HERE IS THE NEWS

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 11:00:01 +0100

Celebrity News Report as read by Ian Thespian

The Colonel Attacks!

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 11:00:01 +0100

The Colonel attacks! Surprise reprise: Last in series 6 - Corporate semen and clandestine cannalbalism with beefy's bouncy burgers

Desmond in a Tutu

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 11:00:01 +0100

A turd in a box is still a turd in a box... force feeding poor people crap food with the humourist Gordon Brown... plus Sage and the Colonel sing the Beatles

The wonderful Heather McCartney/Mills and other tales

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 11:00:01 +0100

Did the Colonel start the Second World War? Did the Colonel steal the World Cup? Does the Colonel believe in God? All this plus the wonderful Heather Mills clearing landmines.

Did Princess Di have a third son?

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 11:00:01 +0100

How Jimmy Hill was responsible for the break up between Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt. Also; the mystery of Princess Di's third son and the corrupt Chin Society, whos members include Jennifer Aniston, Bruce Forsyth, and their plot to take over the world.

Royal Prostate on Ebay

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 11:00:01 +0100

Stephen Hawkins and Davros the traffic wardens, signed Royal prostates on ebay and torturing Vernon Kay.

Softening extremities

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 11:00:01 +0100

The male birth, wrestling Cliff Richard for the prize, Red Ken's World of Wonder

Peeling testicles

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 11:00:01 +0100

Peeling testicles, money, power, fame and unprotected bottle sex, Bono and retards on tv

Naked Berzerking

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 11:00:01 +0100

The Colonel is in love and is naked. Topics on the table today include inciting riots, berzerking on buses and the unfortunate display of Mrs. Webb's gash

The Disappearance of Brian May

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 11:00:01 +0100

The strange case of the disappearance of Brian May. Starring Steve Irwin, Hugh Hucknall, David Furnish as a Royal Corgi and Ben Affleck. Guest starring George Michael

Apologies to the Pope

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 11:00:01 +0100

The Colonel's great vision of The Vernon Kay Puppet Show will alas never come to be due to the passing on of Jeremy Beadle. How Robert Maxwell never learnt to swim and why the real Ian Hislop is incarcerated at the North Pole. All of this and much less more in the first of the new series of the Colonel's dubious memoirs

The Phantom Returns

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 11:00:01 +0100

Who is the Bum Bandit of Westminster Bridge? The Colonel interviews his brother to get to the bottom of this disturbing saga.

World Wide Wank

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 11:00:01 +0100

Weekly comedy podcasts from Colonel Crabtree Smythe... preposterous tales involving the famous, infamous and imaginary.

Kill Em All!

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 11:00:01 +0100

Weekly comedy podcasts from Colonel Crabtree Smythe... preposterous tales involving the famous, infamous and imaginary.

Scientologist cults

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 11:00:01 +0100

Ron Hubbard and the hollywood cults are on the agenda today... dancing naked, selling your soul to the corporate 'man'

Who stole Kevin Costner's tights?

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 11:00:01 +0100

The Colonel explains his mad visions for profiteering from the melting icecaps... Who stole Kevin Costner's tights? Lesbian sex fests at Wimbledon and how the Colonel contributed to the downfall of Tony Blair

Goosed by a goosestepper

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 11:00:01 +0100

The Colonel's been reading the Daily Mail again and talks of sexual thrusting, fear of flowery types and the odd bit of prodding. He also recalls his African adventures and the time he was molested by a High ranking Nazi.

Heather McCartney's missing leg

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 7 Jun 2008 11:00:01 +0100

Ninja tricks, Sergio escapes, ballet dancing and the tale of Heather McCartney's missing leg.

Never play darts with Hitler

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 31 May 2008 11:00:01 +0100

Chaotic scenes ensue as the studio is invaded...The Colonel explains why Hitler embarked on his campaign of mass genocide... Extreme method acting...Offers of amputation and Ian Hislop.

Amused to the point of disgust

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 25 May 2008 11:00:01 +0100

Amused to the point of disgust. The Colonel's feud with Stephen Hawkins continues and explains his plans to send Hawkins and Phil Spector into space.

Evangelical sniper

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Tue, 20 May 2008 11:00:01 +0100

A sniper tries to take out the Colonel, Chic Sikhs, Chris Martin, Frank Lampard's thumbs and why we allow the Scottish to play tennis

Licking Balls

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 11 May 2008 11:00:01 +0100

The Colonel returns... Sage is sporting shorts and Crabtree is in silk... What exactly is the relationship between Dale Winton and the President of Iran? Also this week... beating and whipping, celebrity chefs, Mr. Blobby, fat people and fondling

NEWS FLASH: J-Lo to be skinned alive

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 11:00:01 +0100

No Colonel this week: Instead we have this special Celebrity News Report read by Ian Thespian

Psychic false teeth

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 11:00:01 +0100

Did Delia Smith spike the Colonel's egg sandwich? Did Robbie Williams kill badgers? Did Louie Walsh headbutt a dolphin? Why did the Colonel steal the psychic false teeth of Cliff Richard's Mum? Last of the current series

Wu Tang Clan in tights

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 11:00:01 +0100

Ever seen the Wu Tang Clan in pantyhose? Is Jimmy Tarbuck the Loch Ness Monster? More illusion, confusion and self delusion with The Colonel

Plastic vaginas

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 11:00:01 +0100

Who eats porridge out of a plastic vagina? Is Tom Jones black? Is shit acceptable? These questions and possibly many others are answered by listening to this Episode of the Colonel's memoirs

Gandhi loses his temper

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 11:00:01 +0100

The Colonel gets attacked by Gandhi, kidnapped by Cliff Richard and suffocated by a sandal. There's Catholic skullduggery afoot, dead relatives through the post, invasions by shadows, sore bats wing and a load of bollocks... what else could you possibly desire?

Beefy Botham eats an umpire

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 11:00:01 +0100

The Colonel is in his usual lunatic mode... KKK bus drivers, Beefy Botham eating umpires... and of course, rectums are all on the agenda

Pictures of Penises

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 11:00:01 +0100

Kaki shorts, pictures of penises,finding solace in Charlotte Church's mum and trouble with traffic wardens are just some of the topics exposed by the Colonel this week

Bizarre Celebrity fishing trip

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 11:00:01 +0100

All hell breaks loose with fishing adventures in the outback with Steven Irwin. Find out how did Abu Hamza loose his hands and which Hollywood star was caught shoving a deoderant can up his tradesmans. Todays finale is the Conlenel's rendition of 'Moon River'

Training Mosquitos

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 11:00:01 +0100

We start with a sore penis, then move on to hot potatoes, attacking children, training mosquitos to bite extremists and we hope against hope that Ronan Keating will never sing again

Stealing Bono's Trousers

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 11:00:01 +0100

Is Bono a veal eater? Is Jim Morrison dead? Is there something nasty in Sage's woodshed? Beefeater hats?... Sandal confusion, suicide bombers, Chopper Harris, de-materialisation, Houdini... and of course, more fingers up rectums

Beware the sausage!

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 11:00:01 +0100

Series Four begins with sausages! A brief history of the sausage in art, warfare and revolution! Also, Van Gogh, Nazis... egotistical foxes...

Poor parenting skills

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 11:00:01 +0100

Bed wetting hoodies, namby pamby public school liberal facists, two sugars please...

Violating giant puppetry

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 11:00:01 +0100

More highly inflammatory rambling tales from our beloved Colonel... The Michael Jackson saga continues

Jackson Clan and El Rabbito

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 26 Jan 2008 11:00:01 +0100

A miniturized mad scientist is injected up the bottom of Michael Jackson... life sized puppetry and other unbelievable tales from our dear Colonel

Leatherclad nipple tweaking

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 11:00:01 +0100

Skulduggery afoot as the Colonel uncovers the links between leather clad nipple tweaking Richard, breast displaying Judy and the Al Qaeda network

Britney Spears

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 11:00:01 +0100

Britney Spears, the nipple tweaking Prince, large ladies and Himmler's affection for funky chickens

Pillow talk

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 11:00:01 +0100

Sage accuses The Colonel of racism, homophobia and pillow talk

Hellfire Club

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 29 Dec 2007 11:00:01 +0100

The Hellfire Club of Decadent Dalliances

Hairless balls

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 01:00:01 +0100

The Colonel retells his adventure with Van Strapon in the Belgium Congo... plus STDs, Cocaine, Jesus the Christ, time capsules, Maggie Thatchers heart, hairless balls, smaller persons...

Ugly babies

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 15 Dec 2007 21:00:01 +0100

Reincarnation... Ugly babies and the fiery furnaces and snooker loopy nutters

Manginas

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Sat, 08 Dec 2007 21:00:01 +0100

We all need redemption... the Colonel continues with Mark Twain, Steve Davis, Pakistan, prison, manginas...

sampler

George Dudley Josh Tobin — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 12:48:23 +0100

A compilation of some of the funniest bits from the Colonel's first 10 radioshows. In these comedy interviews with Sage McCorkadale he discusses his involvement in some of the most interesting and bizarre events in history. Be patient...watch the skies...