The Blowfly

Tony Abbott's great sense of humour!

noreply@blogger.com (Ian) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 00:00:00 +0000

This week The Blowfly finds himself completely at odds with Laurie Oakes and the rest of the Australian press gallery.

Tony Abbott copped a caning from the media regarding his remarks about the sunken Italian cruise liner. He wittingly brought it into the asylum seeker debate. He referred to it as ‘one boat they could not turn back.’

Laurie Oakes said that “the bloke just doesn’t get it.”

Hopefully Laurie and the media do not set the benchmark on what is appropriate , what is funny and what is not.

Blowflies often find humour in misfortune. Especially other people’s!

Tony Abbott has a wonderful sense of humour and, given the state of Australian politics, we need lashings of it regularly.

Tony has made The Blowfly laugh on many occasions.

Who could ever forget the television interview where Tony tried to explain the difference between the ‘truth’ and the ‘gospel truth’.

That was funny!

And then there was the interview with Kerry O’Brien where he tried to explain the details of his telecommunications policy.

That was hilarious!

But there is more!

“What housewives need to understand while they’re doing the ironing is that if they get it done commercially it’s going to go up in price, and their own power bills are going to go up every year when they switch the iron off.”

"I think there does need to be give and take on both sides, and this idea that sex is kind of a woman’s right to absolutely withhold, just as the idea that sex is a man’s right to demand I think they both need to be moderated, so to speak.”

Are you laughing yet?

“I am giving you the most definite commitment any politician can give that this tax will go. This is a pledge in blood this tax will go.”

“The only thing I wouldn’t do is sell my arse---but I’d have to give serious thought to it.”

To Malcolm Turnbull on climate change: “I know I’m a bit of a weather vane on this.”
Surely you are laughing now!

“….Jesus didn’t say yes to everyone. I mean Jesus knew that there was a place for everything and it is not necessarily everyone’s place to come to Australia.”

“….we just can’t stop people from being homeless if that’s their choice….”

On whether a national celibacy campaign would help counter the rise in teen sexual activity, sexual infections and pregnancies: “I think that it’s very important that we empower people to reject this kind of rampant sensuality.”

Now for the one that brings tears to your eyes.

“I think it would be folly to expect that women will ever dominate or even approach equal representation in a large number of areas simply because their aptitudes, abilities and interests are different for physiological reasons.”

I think we should leave the final word to the illustrious humorist George W Bush: "See in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda.”

The Blowfly could not have said it better.

2012: Kevin Rudd's thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Ian) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 00:00:00 +0000

The Blowfly invites you to suppose, for a few brief minutes, that you have committed hideous crimes against humanity in a previous life and in order to purge your otherwise perfect soul you have reincarnated as none other than Kevin Rudd.

As part of your pain and suffering you are a resident of Queensland.

But not only are you a Queenslander, you are also a ‘Queensland politician’.

Oh dearie me!

Other Queensland politicians have, and now include, such renowned figures as Joh Bjelke-Petersen and his wife Lady Flo, Russ Hinze, Wayne Swan and …………….Bob Katter, of course!

The term intellectual has never been associated with these names-----nor for that matter with Queensland.

So for that reason you were the brightest star on the horizon in 2007.

Queensland was hoping that you would rise far above the horizon and allow wisdom about it’s quirky ways and unique needs to be distributed via your then silver-tongue.

But just as you did with Wayne Goss, when the levers of power were available to you, there was a rush of blood to your head.

You bullied. You cajoled. You swore. You made lots of behind-the-scenes phone calls. You kept important people waiting whilst you attended to minutiae.

In short, you were a bastard!

But somehow you believe that Australia would be best served by being in the hands of a bastard like you.

You have been stoking the fires with a few strategic leaks.

You love stirring the pot---although you hated people stirring it when you were PM!

After all, besides jetting all over the world , meeting world leaders and participating in lots of earth-shaping discussions what fun do you have nowadays?

You scan the newspapers daily to find a new area that would benefit from your considerable expertise and experience.

Despite your deep and abiding interest in comebacks you refrain from telephoning Ian Thorpe to advise him on his efforts to win more medals. It’s Julia’s job to mix with sportspeople now she is PM. Your phone call might be construed inappropriately.

You have thought about telephoning Hilary Clinton to provide condolences about the video of 3 marines urinating on Taliban fighters in the lead-up to peace negotiations. But on reflection you feel that the Yanks have been urinating on us since before the Second World War. That would be hypocritical!

You have refrained from ringing the guy who received 75 lashes for blasphemy in a Muslim country because you realize that there but for the grace of God go you! Although you are a Christian, with your track record, you probably would’ve got 150 lashes if they’d heard your efforts.

You are disappointed that you weren’t given a chance to show your considerable diplomatic skills when the 3 activists boarded the whaling ship. But then you applaud yourself by justifying Japan’s back-down because they knew they’d have to deal with you.

So this is what you are reduced to!

Waiting for something to occur that you can bend your considerable intellect to.

The Blowfly recalls the words of Housman: "I do not know upon what subject he will next employ his versatile incapacity."

Tony Abbott's perspective on 2012

noreply@blogger.com (Ian) — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 00:50:00 +0000

The Blowfly wants you to imagine that you are in Tony Abbott’s shoes at the moment.

2012 has dawned.

This time last year you were confident that if you went at the Gillard Government with all your energy, spin and bluster you had a reasonable chance of causing a hung parliament to become ‘unhung’.

You did the only thing you really knew how.

You tried to scare the populace.

You travelled the country doing so.

But the sky still has not fallen down!

You also turned Question Time into a farce by moving all those censure motions.

And then right at the end of the year you experienced the ignominy of having Gillard, Albanese and company out-manoeuvre you in respect to Peter Slipper’s move to become the Speaker.

You know that Malcolm is beavering away quietly making himself look good.

You know that Joe Hockey and Andrew Robb are struggling to develop a budgetary framework that will accommodate all the promises you have made to repeal the carbon tax legislation and the MRRT.

In fact , coming up to the next election, you almost have to start from scratch regarding the costings of all your policies because of the promises and the commitments to repeal that you have made on the run.

In his regular blog former NSW Premier Bob Carr refers to this amounts to ‘the biggest transformation of Australian public finances ever promised by an opposition leader’.

And you know that in 2013 the Australian public might not fall for having the policy costings audited by a firm of accountants who were told not to review the assumptions.

You are also aware that your policy development process is being hindered by the need to appeal to the swinging voters. You are struggling to make sense of all the polling that your crowd is doing.

Like John Howard you are only going to release your policies on the eve of the election so that they don’t get too much of an opportunity to be shot down and scrutinised by the Government.

On another front there is the spectre of Kevin Rudd hanging over your head.
Although you were acerbic about an elected Prime Minister being deposed you do realise that, in spite of his popularity with voters, he was a megalomaniac who almost brought the administration of the nation to a standstill.

You are worried that there is talk of Gillard being deposed and Kevin getting a run again. If this happens you reckon you would be totally stuffed because Queensland voters would return to him.

You recognise the need to expend your energies very strategically between now and the next election.

If you push too hard on Gillard and cause her to blunder then the power brokers in the ALP might move to re-install Kevin.

If you don’t push hard enough then your own party is going to question your capacity to lead them after the next election.

You think to yourself: “I wish Margie was more like Janette Howard because I could sure use her advice right now”.

The Prime Minister's New Year's Resolutions: A Secret Insight!

noreply@blogger.com (Ian) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 01:30:00 +0000

The Blowfly has recently been curious about the thoughts of our Prime Minister as she faces 2012.

Although an atheist the PM still has her spiritual side and, she knows, like most others, that 2012 has special significance. She knows that 2012 is likely to be a year of huge change. Even though there are prophets of doom who cling to the Mayan calendar finishing on 21 December 2012 our PM is not inclined that way.

Recently The Blowfly was able to look over her shoulder in the lead-up the New Year’s Day while she was pencilling in her resolutions for 2012. Here is a summary, as best The Blowfly can recall.

1. Keep making Tony Abbott look as though he is doing his job extremely well.
Her thinking here was quite simple. She recalled that one post-election analysis showed that if Malcolm Turnbull had lead the Coalition to the last election then the ALP would’ve lost. She knows she is onto a winner by keeping Abbott as the Liberal leader. She finds it galling to make Tony look good but she is a big picture person and the means justify the ends. As well she loves sparring with another home-grown Pom---- especially a Rhodes Scholar who believes in God!

2. Keep a close eye on Kevin Rudd
As nice as it was to see the levers of power removed from this megalomaniac she figures that he could still do some damage, especially if he has too much to drink and walks into a strip club. She started learning Mandarin but after a couple of lessons gave up because Tim couldn’t stop laughing as she practised some sample phrases with her slow nasal drawl.

3. Get to know what is going on in Bob Brown’s head
She realises that the Greens have made inroads into the hearts and minds of radical Labor voters and she would like to think she could lure some back with some radical policy initiatives----which don’t come naturally to her! As well she would genuinely like to understand what possesses gay couples to aspire to marriage. She’s still struggling with why heterosexual couples aspire to marriage.

4. Forge a more meaningful relationship with my new best friend, Barack Obama
Her thinking here that she finds him an adorable hunk and she would like to see more of him. She knows that the US is in deep manure economically. She is keeping her eyes open for some new technologies which she might be able to share with Barack so that the US could generate new revenues to stimulate their economy. And she realises the great debt we have to the US for Facebook, Twitter, Coke, Pepsi, Collateralised Debt Obligations, Goldman Sachs, McDonalds, KFC and rap-dancing. As well it’s a quasi apology for Rupert Murdoch!

5. Get a new speech-writer
She realises that her ALP Annual Conference speech was a shocker. She is hoping to find someone with a turn of phrase like Paul Keating’s but blended with a strand of Bob Hope’s humour. Andrew Denton was one who came into her head. As did Norman Gunston!

The Blowfly reckons 2012 should be a real hoot.

Top secret ALP strategy on climate change revealed.REPOSTED DUE TO RELEVANCE

noreply@blogger.com (Ian) — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 23:00:00 +0000

The Blowfly has discovered why the Gillard Government appears to be making such hard work of climate change.

The Government is secretly working on a number of other initiatives that, when they come to fruition, will place Australia at the forefront of green and sustainable energy technologies.

Other countries will be looking to Australia to meet their greenhouse emission targets.

Australian taxpayers and, particularly, big business think that the present pre-emptive strategy of going it alone will send jobs offshore.

WRONG!

This highly secret Government strategy will have jobs flooding into Australia. And we will need all the refugees we can get just to keep up with the demand!

It all started with Kevin. Kevin 747.

He appeared to have botched the show at Copenhagen.

But then along came Malcolm Turnbull who offered Kevvie a deal on getting the ETS through Parliament. Kevvie got all excited. You see , Malcolm is a business man. He used to work with Goldman Sachs. He knows all the tricks.

Malcolm suggested that the Government be seen to be going down the hard road---ETS, carbon tax etc---but really be siphoning off large amounts of R&D into a number of highly beneficial, strategic areas. Our new technologies could then be sold to the rest of the world. Australia would be sitting pretty, supplying technologies to the rest of the world to enable them to meet their emissions targets.

The Blowfly, during his recent forays into Parliament House, discovered some of the technologies that are being secretly brought forward.

Firstly there is ‘oceanpower’. This includes all forms of energy emanating from the oceans: tidal, waves, currents, temperature and salinity gradients (whatever they are). Several large wave/tidal farms are presently planned for our coastline (see www.oceanlinx.com).

Secondly there is ‘solar thermal’. This is where the sun’s heat is used to make steam or a very hot fluid. This is then used to turn a turbine and create electricity (see www.ausra.com)

Thirdly there is ‘geothermal’. Australia has enough geothermal energy to power our nation for at least 100 years from just one site in central Australia (see www.geodynamics.com.au)

Fourthly there is ‘solar thermal and ammonia storage’. This intriguing technology will allow renewable fuels to be generated and exported. Japan could be powered from solar energy collected from Australia’s arid areas (see www.wizardpower.com.au)

And then there is the ‘king hit’! ‘Muon catalysed fusion’. Currently a one gigawatt power plant burns 4.4 million tons of coal to operate for a year, producing many thousands of kilograms of carbon dioxide, nitrogen dioxide etc. The only fuel used in the muon catalysed fusion creation process is deuterium - a naturally occurring molecule abundantly available in sea water - and only 150kg of deuterium would be required to run a power plant of comparable size - without emitting any climate change gases. This requires 2 Olympic swimming pools of sea water. Dramatically reduced reliance on coal, amazingly inexpensive retro-fitting of existing power stations and the regional dispersal of power stations would follow (see www.starscientific.com.au).

At some stage just before the next Federal election in 2013 Julia Gillard will call a press conference and announce the grand plan. Malcolm Turnbull will be appointed as the Managing Director of the Australian National Energy Organisation. At the ensuing election the ALP will be returned with a majority of its own and the ‘hung’ parliament will be no more.

And Tony Abbott? Well Tony Abbott will simply be free to lead the Opposition to another 3 years in the wilderness dreaming up three word slogans and criticizing everything in sight.

Unlike climate, some things will never change!

The Big Issues facing the Opposition: How they're thinking in the engine-room!

noreply@blogger.com (Ian) — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 00:50:00 +0000

The Blowfly is aware that behind the scenes in politics there is a veritable army of hard-working, well-meaning people.

Let’s imagine that you are the husband and wife team who, very deliberately, pull the strings of Tony Abbott and the Liberal Party.

Peta Credlin is Tony’s chief-of-staff and Brian Loughnane is the federal director of the Liberal Party.

During the term of this hung Parliament they have been second-guessing the Gillard government and attempting to position ‘their Tony’ for PM.

Tony Abbott’s ceaseless forays into the heart of Australian businesses for the evening ‘news-takes’ telling the small business sector about the pending doom about to befall them with the introduction of the ‘Carbon tax’ was undoubtedly the result of Peda Credlin’s detailed and inspired planning.

Brian Loughnane has also been around for a while and he knows the ropes.

During the last election campaign he reportedly gave instructions ‘not to check the assumptions’ to the WA auditors who were assigned the highly important task of costing the Coalition’s policies. Subsequently Treasury found an $11 billion ‘black hole’.

One might imagine that the Liberal Party is a permanent talking point in their house.
Let’s imagine that on their fridge is a small white board. They use this to empty their Liberal brains of questions that they believe might be pertinent to the quest to get Tony behind the levers of power.

This is how The Blowfly imagines the white board might look presently:
1. If Malcolm becomes the leader before the next election will our ‘NO’ strategy work for him?
2. Should Tony stay on as leader will he be perceived as a total drongo if he continues with the ‘NO’ strategy?
3. When should we start developing some policies for the next election?
4. Besides the repeal of the Carbon Tax legislation and the Minerals Rent and Resources Tax what other ideas do we have for policy initiatives?
5. How might we ‘save face’ if we have to jettison the repeal of these should our polling reveal it would be beneficial?
6. Given we now have a $70 billion ‘black hole’ with all the commitments Tony has given, do we simply pray for a miracle?
7. How is it humanly possible to develop policies to cover this ‘black hole’ without alienating the swinging voters?
8. Should we factor in a new $1 billion hospital for Andrew Wilkie’s electorate for the next election?
9. What is the most politically advantageous position the Coalition can take on global warming?
10. Should we include John and Janette Howard in our planning group for the next election?
11. Should we persist with the censure motions at Question Time or should we invest more time in developing penetrating questions to ask the Government?
12. What should we advise Tony to do with Joe?
13. Where do we want to take this country?
14. Is that important as long as we win?
15. Is there enough champagne in the fridge for New Year’s Eve?
16. What do we have to celebrate?

The words of Sam Goldwyn drift into The Blowfly’s small brain: “We’re overpaying them but they’re worth it”.

The PM doesn't always get her way!

noreply@blogger.com (Ian) — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 22:00:00 +0000

Last week Julia Gillard and Tim were reportedly taking a well-earned holiday in some mystery location in Victoria.

With the help of the blowfly-telegraph The Blowfly managed to locate them. He can report to you, confidentially of course, on some of the goings-on.

The Blowfly managed to penetrate deep inside the Prime Minister’s holiday boudoir.

You can just imagine me can’t you? Perched on the bedhead awaiting the first opening of eyes. Waiting for a little action to start.

It had actually been a rather disturbed night with Tim and Julia both calling out things in their sleep.

Once I heard Tim call out something about “ I’ll save you from the fashion police Julia. I’m a hairdresser.”

And later in the night Julia was a little restless and she sort of exclaimed “No Kevin! You can’t have it. It’s mine and I’m not letting go yet. If anyone is going to get it then it will be Bill. He’s my little helper now!”

But then peace emerged and both slept fitfully until the willy-wagtails starting announcing the dawn.

It was Julia who stirred first.

Her eyes fixed on Tim who was still away with the fairies.

Your little antennae went up so you could tune into her thoughts.

“Isn’t he a hunk?.......and he loves me so much………..how am I going to tell him that I’m not going let him write any more speeches for me………that one at the ALP Conference was a disaster…………..it sounded like one of Kevin’s............ Tim will just have to content himself with fiddling with my hair………..and he does that so well!.............Maggie Thatcher eat your heart out……….”

Then Tim stirred and they looked at each other with those adoring eyes.
Then Julia started giggling.

“What’s funny?” said Tim

“I was just thinking about a joke Barack told me about Bill Clinton. Barack told me that they interviewed 10000 American women about whether they would have sex with Bill Clinton. 86% said ‘Never again!’”, reported Julia as she lovingly touched his brow.

Tim guffawed. “Red-heads are such a hoot”, he thought.

They continued to gaze into each other’s eyes.

“What do you want for Christmas, Jules?” he whispers.

“Do you want a Chinese hit-man to take Kevin out?..........a sex-scandal to embroil Tony Abbott?……….an identical twin for Craig Thomson?……….a Dale Carnegie course for Wayne Swan?……..another Liberal like Peter Slipper?..................a miraculous new source of energy that means you won’t have to proceed with the carbon tax?...................Gina and Twiggy to come out and support your mineral resources and rent tax?.........or do you just want……………….MEEEEEEEEEEE?”

“Oh Warney, Oh Warney you’re such good fun. Did you get those blistered fingers by putting your hand on my bottom?” she laughed.

“Why don’t we get married Tim?” she whispered softly.

“You know the answer Jules. We’ve had this discussion before.”

“We have such a gay time when we are together and you’re dead against gay marriage!”

“Why don’t you take me seriously, Tim? It would set a good example for the populace?”

“Jules, I’m a hairdresser. Give me a break! How can I take anything seriously?”

The Blowfly hopes your holidays are more productive than the PM’s.

Malcolm Turnbull's Dilemma.

noreply@blogger.com (Ian) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 23:00:00 +0000

The Blowfly would like you to put yourself in the shoes of one Malcolm Turnbull, Federal Member for Wentworth and shadow Minister for Communications and Broadband.

It is just over 2 years since the spill motion against you and you lost the leadership of the Liberal Party.

You lost 42 votes to 41 to Tony Abbott. Peter Slipper is now the Speaker. He reckons he voted for Abbott. That makes it 41 votes each.

You were the managing director of Goldman Sachs operation in Australia before you went into politics. You sold your stake in Ozemail for $60 million in 1999. You have been listed in the BRW’s Rich 200 list for a few years and are the only sitting politician to have that honour.

You have recently been on a diet and you are looking mean and lean.

You are playing the waiting game.

As you survey the political landscape looking for a chance to advance your ever-present interests you ponder the lot of some of your colleagues.

You look at the job that Hockey and Robb are doing and you roll your eyes. And then you roll them again. And again!

You ponder how the Coalition got out of economic-jail at the last election simply by losing it.

The $11.5 billion black hole in the election promises costings has now been stretched beyond all means. The Labor Government is struggling to reform the economy----but succeeding none-the-less!

And the black hole has been exacerbated by your own Leader who has not only promised to repeal those reform measures but has committed to keeping much of the new income streams for the populace. Most economists now say that the black hole is in the vicinity of $70 billion.

You remember reading an article recently which described the discovery of a black hole ’10 times the size of our solar system into which billions of suns have vanished like a guilty thought.’ You think you may know of a similar black hole.

You wonder if the strategies presently pursued by Tony Abbott will amount to anything at all.

You wonder when your colleagues are going to be sufficiently fearful of Abbott’s leadership that they might tap you on the shoulder.

You were always one to think big!

But if you can’t be Leader you want to be Treasurer.

And sometimes when you are in a darker mood you wonder whether Tony Abbott will have the courage to approach you to be the Shadow Treasurer. You know you could whip Wayne Swan .You know that you could help steer the Coalition to victory. And Hockey would eat your dust!

After all you live in Vaucluse. You have manners. You have found Catholicism. You know how iPhones work. And, even better, you have strong links into Goldman Sachs. They run and finance the world and you could be useful to them. Even more important than Mark Arbib is to the US!

But really! Would you want to serve as a Treasurer to ‘Prime Minister’ Abbott?

Could you really hack his political hypocrisy?

Oh dear me, what is a silver-tail to do?

A Dream of Two Political Hypocrites

noreply@blogger.com (Ian) — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 23:00:00 +0000

Being a spiritual little insect The Blowfly has been trying to take more notice of his dreams as a source of wisdom and guidance.

Let me share with you a dream I had a few nights ago and see what you can make of it.

I was buzzing through a dingy little alley and I saw a light through a window. I stopped and looked in. There was a meeting in progress.

Tony Abbott and Kevin Rudd were sitting in the front row.

The chairman called the meeting to order and welcomed all attendees to the regular monthly meeting of Political Hypocrites Anonymous.

Tony Abbott was the first to speak.

“Hello”, he said, “I’m Tony Abbott and I’m a political hypocrite.”

“Last week I sought to woo the votes of small business owners.”

“During 2011 I visited over 130 businesses across Australia and became convinced that setting up a new deregulation taskforce to slash red tape would lighten the load on small business owners.”

“I appointed Senator Arthur Sinodinos, former chief of staff to John Howard, to head up a deregulation taskforce to save the economy $1 billion a year. Federal Labor has introduced a damaging compliance burden on Australia’s companies.”

“I proposed that the Coalition would reduce red tape by measures such as allowing small business owners to shift some of the responsibility for superannuation to the Tax Office and administering its parental paid leave scheme through an arm of government.”

“Most of you will see how big a hypocrite this makes me.”

“In respect to red tape, the biggest burden for business owners is the GST regime. Just ask any small business owner!"

"And this was introduced by the Howard-Costello Government----of which I was a Minister!”

“And not only was it introduced by Howard, but it was done after he had previously said he would not introduce it AND it was initiated by Howard unilaterally. He did not consult his Treasurer.”

“And no-one really believes that handing over administration of anything to government will reduce red tape.”

Tony then sat down and Kevin Rudd stood up.

“Hello I’m Kevin Rudd and I’m a political hypocrite,” he said without batting an eyelid.

“During the week I called for greater internal democracy in the ALP.”

“Most of you know the way I ran the country when I was PM.”

“I focussed power within my ‘gang of four’ and side-lined Cabinet as a decision-making body. Ministers found it hard to get to see me. My own department became a bottleneck because I wanted to control everything.”

“I have called for the ALP national conference to be ‘a genuine public contest of ideas’. Yet, the only national conference held while I was PM, in 2009, was the most sterile in the party's history.”

“By my order, not a single vote was allowed on the floor. Rank-and-file participation in pre-selections was severely depleted. A star chamber comprising key factional bosses within the national executive presided over pre-selections in key seats.”

“Most of you will understand immediately how big a political hypocrite I am.”

He then sat down.

Can anyone interpret the meaning of this dream for me?

The Labor Government: Possessed of more mongrel than I thought!

noreply@blogger.com (Ian) — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 23:00:00 +0000

The Blowfly finds that some of the most enjoyable moments are spent on the Speaker’s shoulder in the lower house of Federal Parliament.

He has not been oblivious to ‘our Harry’ becoming increasingly despondent and the tone in his voice becoming more disparaging. How many times can one utter the word “Order”? In different tones?

After sitting on his shoulder for all these years The Blowfly became rather fond of Harry and was deeply impressed by his patience.

Harry has been sorely tested. Especially during this hung Parliament!

You could feel him shudder each time Tony Abbott paralysed Question Time by moving his infamous censure motions. 32 have now been moved.

You could feel him cringe each time Christopher Pyne rose to make a point of order.
You could feel him laugh inwardly each time Joe Hockey rose to make an economic point.
Recently, as The Blowfly surveyed the Parliament, he pondered the question:

Which side has the greatest sense of mongrel?

On the left is Her Majesty’s Opposition.

Its leader seems bereft of policies. But Christmas is coming and as Anthony Albanese reminded us, with any luck, “Santa, hopefully, will bring Tony Abbott some policies.”
Abbott leads what has become known as a “Noalition”.

He has maintained a pugilistic approach to his job and has seemed oblivious to his hypocrisy. Recently he praised the strength of Australia’s economy whilst in the UK but upon a return to our shores resumed his line that we are in deep trouble. Last week he praised ‘our Harry’ in one speech but then demeaned him minutes later by saying he had been part of a ‘squalid plot’.

Despite the haranguing behaviour of the Opposition, the taunts, the censure motions and the slagging, the Government has still managed to get 254 pieces of legislation through the Lower House.

On the right we have the Government.

Lead by Australia’s first female Prime Minister it has often seemed to be in trouble.

But recently we have seen several major reforms passed. The Carbon Tax and the Minerals Resources and Rent Tax. Both have been the subject of a solemn pledge by the Opposition that, upon assuming Government, they would be repealed.

Both have been neatly packaged up by the Government into a picnic basket containing many goodies for the electorate. At first look these simply seem like sweeteners but on closer inspection they have presented any Coalition assuming government with a delicious array of budgetary dilemmas.

Already facing a $70 billion ‘black hole’ with its present policy settings a Coalition would need to make huge cuts to spending to embrace fiscal responsibility.

Approaching the next election this will be one of the key issues.

And they can be sure that the Government will give them curry.

One can only imagine the dread that Andrew Robb and Joe Hockey feel at the task ahead of them.

The Blowfly has concluded that, after the events of last week, where an extra vote was clawed from a hung Parliament, there is no doubt that the Government possesses an exhilarating sense of mongrel
.
That augurs well for their progress!

Obama: That 'damn Yank'!

noreply@blogger.com (Ian) — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 03:53:00 +0000

Deep in his little insect-heart The Blowfly is wary about President Obama’s recent visit.

Part of it is jealousy!

With all that lovey-dovey stuff going on between our Julia and the President , The Blowfly suddenly realized his place in her life.

The Blowfly has been very close to Julia on many occasions, bathing in the glow of her perfume and getting his sticky feet into that red hair. But last week it was simply impossible for The Blowfly to get past the SWAT teams.

It was a ‘damn yank’ who stole her heart.

During World War 2 local males used to complain about the Yanks being here. It was said that they were “over-paid, over-sexed and over here”.

Winston Churchill also remarked during World War 2 that “with friends like the Americans, who needs enemies?”

No doubt Darwin will grow into a thriving recreation destination for the US servicemen and women who will be stationed in the Northern Territory. That will be a plus. And many Australian men women will meet and fall in love with those servicemen and live happily ever after.

As well, The Blowfly, in his nightly foray into the garbage bins underneath Parliament House, will feel very secure because we have the Americans on our side. He will only have to worry about other flies not about intruders from overseas.

However The Blowfly realizes that American presence is a two-edged sword.
America has also given us Lehmann Brothers, Goldman Sachs and McDonalds. Not to mention Coca Cola, Mars Bars and Santa Claus.

You only have to drive through regional Australia to see the implications of multiple McDonalds in the larger centres and on the freeways. Local cafes and food places have been dealt a crushing blow. But that is progress!

The global financial crisis was given to us with the compliments of Lehmann Brothers and Goldman Sachs who dreamed up all those fancy financial instruments as a way of keeping their revenues up and transferring risk to other unsuspecting people in the economy.

At the time there were undoubtedly many financial jocks who thought that these instruments were the products of superior minds. It was no doubt seen as progress.

More recently we have seen the advent of Facebook and Google. These are seen as progress too! But they are also a rich source of information about the plethora of human-beings on this planet. The CIA , government agencies and banks are rubbing their hands with glee. One would not want to be too concerned about privacy.

The technology that was used to capture Osama Bin Laden is also the technology that human-beings are embracing to kick our financial and social systems to new heights. Progress?

So when we appear to be drawing closer to the United States of America The Blowfly asks to be forgiven for being a little reticent.

The Blowfly is reminded of the words of former Labor leader Mark Latham’s description of the Coalition’s support for the war in Iraq.

"There they are, a conga line of suckholes,” he said.

Unfortunately Obama’s visit has simply reinforced how similar both sides of politics are in Australia.

The Independents are the saviours of the National Party

noreply@blogger.com (Ian) — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 23:00:00 +0000

The Blowfly was delirious recently and started pondering the future of the National Party.

Delirious because many political pundits believe the Nationals have no future-----due to the rise of the Independents in our hung Parliament!

The Independents have, in fact, had the reverse effect on the National Party.

They have guaranteed the National Party’s future! Bear with my thinking on this one.

Let’s assume that you are a National Party ‘hack’ in Tony Windsor’s seat of New England.

You thought that Ian Sinclair was God-incarnated. Your father had a photo of ‘Black Jack’ McEwen on the mantle-piece and he would genuflect before it on his way to bed each night.

But more than a decade ago an Independent took ‘ your’ seat.

You can still remember that election night. You went to bed crying. You were afraid the sky was going to fall in.

This was no ‘normal’ Independent either.

‘Normal’ Independents are indifferent about their political allegiances. They simply want what is best for their constituents no matter which side of the political spectrum has the levers. They wear no political allegiance and can badger each side of politics on the basis that, one day, their vote might be needed.

Windsor, however, was a ‘disaffected Nat’.

This Independent hated the National Party because they had done him in the eye. This hatred was reciprocated absolutely by members of the party.

Then one day this Independent found himself in a position of influence in a hung Parliament. You had hoped that, with soil on his boots, he would give Tony Abbott the gong. You were wrong and again you went to bed crying.

He then committed treason. He voted for a carbon tax.

Not that it was going to affect you much! But Tony Abbott said the sky would fall in (and he is an honorable man) and so did your other main source of information about the world, Alan Jones (who is also an honorable man).

Your red-necked mates were similarly alarmed! They relied on the same two information sources.

But then the ghost of ‘Black Jack’ McEwen appeared to you in dream and urged you to muster the troops. Branch meetings started filling up again and enthusiasm for getting rid of this heathen, Windsor, was high.

And help came from an unexpected quarter. Windsor himself!

During this term in the hung Parliament every man and his dog wanted to ‘see Tony’ and curry his favor. He was, sadly, human. He could only cope with so much.

Windsor’s communication with his electorate slid. Phone calls were not returned. Letters and emails were not answered. Even from his campaign team! He didn’t turn up at sheep sales and never shouted the bar. He resisted talking to those who disagreed with him.

Those who were disenchanted with the previous National Party member began to be disenchanted again with the Independent.

And, like John Howard, Windsor seemed totally oblivious to the need for succession planning.

So the Independent ‘brand’ was destroyed by one of its creators.

The Blowfly recalls the words of Adams: “Success has made failures of many men.”

Abbott's moral dilemmas

noreply@blogger.com (Ian) — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 22:30:00 +0000

The Blowfly is continually bemused by the doggedness and tactics of the Opposition leader, Tony Abbott.

During the week The Blowfly stopped for a few fleeting moments to ponder the contradictions that Tony Abbott has built, and is continuing to build, for himself and his Coalition.

The moral dilemmas are simply delicious.

Somewhere deep inside that Catholic head there must be the most comprehensive array of conflicting thoughts.

Firstly there is the moral dilemma of having to say NO to every single initiative that emerges from the Labor Government.

His Jesuit-influenced upbringing will be telling him that all things are possible if he sets his mind to them. So, personally, he desperately wants to be PM, but the route he has to take is to repudiate everything that that Labor puts on the table.

In the Parliament his language is so dreadfully negative that one can only relate the experience to the bully in the schoolyard who continually tells you what a drongo you are.

Just imagine walking around the playground and telling your peers that everything they were doing was wrong and was going to cause the sky to fall in.

It is also a moral dilemma for any human being that seeks to be a national leader to say No to every initiative that someone else proposes. (If Cecil Rhodes had known that a scholarship in his name was to be used in this fashion then he might well have directed his will to other causes).

Leadership is about developing ideas up and preparing the roadmap for the trek ahead.
There is also a moral dilemma in the example he is setting for Australia’s future leaders.

At a time when Australians are desperately trying to convince the younger generation that we can build a better future , that we must re-invent ourselves and our economic base we have a potential Prime Minister who is being referred to as ‘tear down Tony’ because all he can abide as a policy initiative is to remove what a Labor government has put in place.

The younger tech-savvy generation see in Tony Abbott’s approach to the NBN a simple denial that technology can advance our society and keep us competitive with other nations such as Japan, China and the US (Silicon Valley US, that is, rather than Cleveland US).

Then there is the moral dilemma in the poker machine issue. On the one hand we see the supermarkets dominating this space through their ownership of hotels. So Tony stands up for them. But the battlers who have gambling problems are expected to rely on counselors to protect them from themselves. Liberal values are not able to be extended to deep social issues apparently. Except of course in Malcolm Fraser’s day or in Sir Robert Menzies day!

And Tony has now given his blood oath to repeal the carbon tax and many other Labor’s initiatives. You can just see him after his first 100 days in office doing a stocktake of all the legislation he has been able to repeal.

That a potential leader should consider shedding blood to preserve the past , and the interests of the old world order, is the greatest moral dilemma of all!

Voting Independent! It seemed a good idea at the time!

noreply@blogger.com (Ian) — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 23:00:00 +0000

The Blowfly was amused during the week to hear that the polling in Tony Windsor’s seat of New England and Rob Oakeshott’s seat of Lyne was not so encouraging. In fact it was downright discouraging and at least Rob Oakeshott is probably a goner!

Let’s put ourselves in the shoes of someone who has voted for an Independent for the first time and see how it looks and feels.

Your parents probably discussed their political views around the kitchen table and you absorbed the vibrations of either the left or the right. And also the left or the right of the left or the right.

“In Menzies’ day”, your father would’ve said, and you simply absorbed his thinking without too much analysis because it wasn’t really encouraged.

One fine day, if you are in New England or Lyne, you become aware that there is an Independent presenting himself as a candidate.

You scratch your head because this causes you to start thinking-----and that hasn’t happened for a while!

You conclude that this is a pretty good idea because, frankly, the political system now stinks and you can’t really work out the differences between the 2 parties. Graham Richardson is starting to turn on his own party and Malcolm Fraser is turning on his. Politics is not like it used to be!

And the Nationals are hopeless. They don’t really know the depths of your despair in the bush and they always do the bidding of the Liberals.

And the Labor Party are a pack of mongrels who don’t know a thing about the problems of the bush either.

You weigh up the pros and cons of voting for an Independent and after 2 minutes of deep consideration and a few middies you experience a rush of blood to the head.

For the first time you decide to vote for an Independent.

Election day comes and your Independent wins. You are ecstatic that you can now look your candidate in the eye and say that you voted for him.

Not that you ever look him in the eye much. You don’t really mix in his circles.

Then you start to have some misgivings.

A hung Parliament occurs and for the first time in your lifetime Independents hold the balance of power. Their moment has arrived!

Unfortunately a little too much thinking seems to be going into this exercise. Certainly more than you are used to! Or expected!

Then shit really happens!

Rob Oakeshott makes his 17 minute speech and suddenly you realise that these 2 bastards have done you in the eye.

You don’t really appreciate that the only thing that your Independents are concerned about is what is good for your electorate.

These blokes are taking their role far too seriously for your liking and how can they support a carbon tax? Tony Abbott says the sky will fall in if a carbon tax comes in and he was one of John Howard’s favourites so he must be a good guy.

12 months later the phone rings and someone from a polling company asks you a number of questions.

Are we really surprised at the polling?

Malcolm Turnbull's guardian angel is on the ball!

noreply@blogger.com (Ian) — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 23:00:00 +0000

Let’s imagine for a moment that you are Malcolm Turnbull’s guardian angel.

Life has been rather challenging for you of late.

You have been trying to guide Malcolm to fulfill his life’s purpose but it seems to him that he is really up against it. You perceive that he has retreated into his shell a little!

You had him on a roll a few years ago when he was leader of the Liberal Party.

Not only had he been able to instil some intellectual rigor into the economic debate but he had shown unprecedented leadership by negotiating a bipartisan approach to an emissions trading scheme with Kevin Rudd.

But then the Old World Order got at him. And the business lobby! The forces for capitalism!

This caused Malcolm to have second thoughts about his whole life.

He had previously viewed himself as part of the Old World Order-----and, for that matter, a member of the business lobby.

He was, after all, a self-made squillionaire who had risen to wealth utilising good connections, a sound intellect and the new opportunities afforded by the internet.

And he had also done the bidding of Goldman Sachs!

How close could a parliamentarian have been to the Old World Order?

But by some strange quirk of destiny the forces of capitalism and the business lobby decided that their interests could be best expressed through a Jesuit-influenced, Catholic Rhodes Scholar with a reputation for pugilism and being a disciple of his former Liberal leader, John Howard.

The Old World Order thought that such a background would mean an unparalleled devotion to resisting change and retaining wealth in the hands of those who already possessed it.

Malcolm, bless his soul, was confused about the end game.

You, as his guardian angel, knew that a carbon tax was going to rearrange the wealth in our society, create employment and stimulate innovation.

You also knew that Alan Jones and Andrew Bolt and all the nay-sayers would just view this issue in terms of climate change and that we were a small nation and could make no difference etc etc.

But the boys (and girls) in the higher realms are always trying to work miracles and open things up for future generations.

So, with the powers vested in you by the archangels, you have been adroitly guiding Malcolm towards his destiny.

You have helped him lose weight and keep his counsel on his real thoughts until the big moment arrives.

The moment when the populace, ready for a change from Labor, is almost certainly going to vote in a Coalition Government.

The moment when the business lobby sees their best interests as served by changing our economy over to cheaper and cleaner energy sources.

The moment when the New World Order seeks a leader for the future.

The moment when , standing in front of a television journalist uttering senseless three-word slogans in a policy-free zone, Tony Abbott pulls out 2 big shotguns and shoots himself firmly in both feet for the evening news-viewers of Australia to see for themselves.

Being a guardian angel is such rewarding work. But you have to be patient!

The Carbon Tax is now firmly in God's hands---as it always was!

noreply@blogger.com (Ian) — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 23:00:00 +0000

The Blowfly is sometimes prone to delusions of grandeur.

From time to time The Blowfly imagines that he is God.

As God, not only have you created the Universe but there is a little planet called Earth which you are particularly proud of.

It is at an interesting stage of development. You managed to give them a kick along in their development some years ago by sending some envoys from a more advanced species in the Cosmos to build a few pyramids and a Sphinx and then, later on, crashing a few flying saucers in the US and allowing the technologies to be disseminated.

Because you are God you get to indulge yourself in substantial recreation.

Your favorite pastime is creating hurdles for human-beings to jump over.

When you were creating Earth you built in a self-organising system with the climate. It adjusts itself to whatever is happening. The occupants have time to adapt. Sometimes you intervene. You couldn’t really see where the ‘dinosaurs-thing’ was going so you sent a comet to obliterate them.

You are fascinated at the tensions the climate is causing mankind but you are on track with your grand plan.

As a thinking God you created several free sources of energy.

Solar for starters-----that’s why you put the sun there! And geothermal, the oceans, and more recently, muon-catalysed fusion.

The human race somehow got bound up with fossil fuels but you have been encouraging them to move to the free sources. This will cost them less and there is an infinite supply. A century ago you sent Nicola Tesla to provide free energy but Thomas Edison and the capitalists got him.

In one country on Planet Earth, Australia, you have created a delicious situation to start the whole process of moving to free energy.

You have a warped sense of humour and you decide that this is an opportunity for personal amusement.

Firstly you set up a hung Parliament. You figure that if Australia can get a carbon tax through a hung Parliament then many other countries will follow suit.

To get the symbolism right you line up the 2 sides.

On one side are the capitalists, the business lobby, the Catholic Church, latte-sipping do-gooding lawyers and shock-jocks.

These are pitted against the workers, the unions, latte-sipping do-gooding lawyers and the environmentalists.

Then you give the Baton to a woman. A red-headed, unmarried ‘living in sin’ woman!

And finally you give the role of Opposition leader to a Catholic who had previously trained as a priest. With the Jesuits!

See the delicious symbolism here?

You cannot restrain yourself from laughing every time you think about it.

The day comes when the bills are passed.

Your red-head excelled herself by providing a national photo opportunity by kissing her nemesis, Kevin Rudd.

But the ‘mad monk’ excelled himself too! He gave a ‘blood promise’ to repeal the carbon tax. A ‘blood promise’!

The theatre of the moment was not lost on the populace--nor the media.

But as God you simply smiled a knowing smile.

You know that once human beings get used to free energy sources they won’t go back to fossil fuels.

What will our youngest MP be thinking about the Parliament?

noreply@blogger.com (Ian) — Sun, 09 Oct 2011 23:00:00 +0000

The Blowfly would like you to imagine that you are the youngest member of the House of Representatives.

Your name is Wyatt Roy and you came into this Parliament in August 2010.

Born on 22 May 1990 you sit firmly on the cusp between Taurus and Gemini.

You had to wait for Tony Abbott to perform his negotiations with the Independents before you found out whether you had scored being in government on your first throw of the dice.

You were a little crest-fallen initially when Julia won through but you consoled yourself by saying that it was more than you really expected at your age.

There is sparkle in your eyes and altruism in your heart.

You like a little fuss being made of you from time to time and the Liberal Party seems to think that you are a piece of good news in what was an otherwise disappointing election.

The new Parliament gets into full swing and your learning curve is almost perpendicular.

The first thing you notice is that people take this game very, very seriously.

Your Leader, “Mr Abbott to you son”, seems to be really miffed about not getting the gong. You notice that sometimes he wears this strange smile on his face. At other times he seems to be a sort of robot uttering three word slogans.

And in some ways he turns your world upside down!

You thought that if you set your mind to anything you could do it. After all you are a walking example of this credo. But Mr Abbott seems to be so negative!

And you had not realized that if a carbon tax were to be introduced the whole Australian economy would be totally decimated.

You are old enough to remember John Howard and you seem to recall that he went to an election with a policy to introduce a carbon trading scheme. He got knocked off by Kevvie ! Kevvie didn’t seem to think such a scheme was going to ruin the country nor did that nice man Mr. Turnbull. You wonder why that nice man got rolled by Mr. Abbott.
Last week on Twitter you noticed those rumors going around about the leadership of your party.

Because you have only been in Parliament for such a short time you don’t really know whom to trust.

They all seem to be nice to you. Mr. Hockey seems like a good bloke. Mr. Robb too. You do wonder about Mr. Bernardi. He seems like he’s on steroids. You have trouble looking Mrs. Bishop in the eye but someone tells you that all people from WA are like that.

In your maiden speech you quoted the late Jim Killen: “In the deliberations of this assembly I cannot as yet be guided by experience. I can only be guided by plain good intentions.”

You find yourself wondering whether good intentions will be enough to see you through ‘this place’.

You recall the words of your father when you were a boy. He told you that anyone could become Prime Minister. Your father seems to be right on that one.

The Coalition's economic Shadow

noreply@blogger.com (Ian) — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 23:00:00 +0000

The Blowfly asks that you imagine a previous life.

You were a Roman emperor used to a life of gluttony, being eternally right and experiencing excess to the full.

The Universe has now invited you to be born again and, specifically, to learn humility.

You choose the life before you carefully.

The second of August 1965 seems like a nice day.

You are born of Armenian and Palestinian parents in North Sydney. You have 3 older siblings , attend St Aloysius College and the University of Sydney where you gain an Arts/Law degree. You become President of the SRC and then move into banking and finance before becoming the Director of Policy to the Premier of NSW before entering politics.

You choose politics because it will provide the greatest opportunity to learn humility.
Your first major opportunity comes when John Howard appoints you as a Minister and then you are appointed to Cabinet as the Minister for Employment and Workplace Relations.

You regularly sharpen your wits by appearing on Sunrise with Kochie and Mel and the new shining light of the ALP. He is tough going and while you can see right through him, many Australians can’t.

The ALP’s new messiah goes onto win the election and you start to learn humility----but not before you’ve learned about endurance and muscle pain by walking the Kokoda Trail and then Mt Kiliminjaro.

In due course your leader is Malcolm Turnbull. His style basically suits you. He is a big thinker and he encourages you to do like-wise.

Then shit happens. Tony Abbott becomes the new Opposition leader.

It is a two-edged sword for you. You are now the Shadow Treasurer. It is almost what you’ve always wanted. But you still don’t have the levers of power in your hands. You are now learning about patience----and, oh, economics!

Then Tony Abbott tells you that the only way an Opposition can behave is to disagree with the Government on every damned issue, say ‘No,No,No’ and talk a strong economy down.

You try to get into the swing of this strategy but you struggle and people start to question your economic knowledge. You learn even more humility.

The day comes when you make the most embarrassing gaffe of your career.

Wayne Swan has been named Euromoney magazine’s Finance Minister of the Year. You think he is a total tool. Anyone who comes from Queensland is a total tool---except Bob Katter of course! Oh----and Barnaby Joyce!

You ridicule Wayne Swan in Parliament by drawing attention to the fact that other recipients of this award were from Pakistan and Nigeria.

Unfortunately you have not done your homework.

The Pakistani executed a far-reaching program of economic reform which, for several years, made Pakistan second only to China in terms of economic robustness. Later he served as Prime Minister for 2 years.

The Nigerian negotiated a large debt write-off for her country, and subsequently served as managing director of the World Bank for 5 years, before serving as Finance Minister again.

Now you will understand why ‘being Joe Hockey’ really sucks!

The Blowfly suspects that if there are more opportunities to learn humility this Shadow Treasurer will somehow find them.

Spiritually, Labor's situation is perfect!

noreply@blogger.com (Ian) — Sun, 25 Sep 2011 23:30:00 +0000

The Blowfly is a spiritual little insect and always looking for the hidden meanings in the events of our everyday lives.

Most voters will be on one side of the spectrum or the other.

They will be thinking either that Tony Abbott is the great saviour from the likely cataclysm of the carbon tax and the sky subsequently falling in OR on the other side of the spectrum there will be those who think that Julia Gillard is trying desperately to make ‘apricot jam out of chicken-manure’. Some will recognise that she rested the leadership from a control-freak who spoke Mandarin to the Chinese but who shouted obscenities to anyone who got in his way. But others will say she bought it on herself. She should’ve stayed at home in the kitchen and not cared about the future of our country.

Those who think that Tony Abbott is the great saviour are prepared to forgive him for floating in the breeze on most issues, making little sense on asylum-seekers and, worse still, thinking that being on the same platform with Alan Jones regarding the ‘convoy of no significance’ will somehow make him look more intelligent and sincere.

But then there are the swinging voters in the middle!

These are the ones who are genuinely making hard work of this situation.

These are the ones who sometimes watch Question Time. They are appalled at the behaviour and language of the Opposition. They see an Opposition leader who is always smiling a smarmy smile and making the most abominable and aggressive accusations-----much like the ones that they saw in the school-yards when they were in primary school!

They see a Prime Minister who is desperately trying to be civil against overwhelming odds. Her eyes look tired. Her spirit seems somehow to continue although she cannot take a trick. Her carbon tax has dented her reputation because she was accused of lying when she simply changed her mind to fit the circumstances she found herself in.

So as a spiritual little insect The Blowfly has started to ponder how he might advise the Prime Minister if he was, per chance, appointed as her spiritual adviser. Sort of like a Deepak Chopra or Dalai Lama of the insect world!

The Blowfly would start by expressing honour that had been called to serve a redhead. They are special!

The Blowfly would tell her that the situation is perfect for her skills and demeanour.

ALP Governments have always prided themselves on being reformers.

The Blowfly would tell the PM that she should forget about the turkeys taunting her across the dispatch boxes and simply go for broke.

She, after all, has nothing to lose.

She could start to set a new standard for behaviour in the Parliament. Don’t play Tony Abbott at his destructive and embarrassing behaviour. Don’t bite back. Let it flow over her head. Let him demonstrate the true extent of his personality.

The swinging voters would them come to understand the wise words of Tony Windsor when Tony said that he wasn’t inclined to ‘inflict Tony Abbott on the Australian people’.

The 2 Amigos: Rudd and Turnbull: Thorns in their Leader's sides!

noreply@blogger.com (Ian) — Sun, 18 Sep 2011 23:30:00 +0000

The Blowfly has heard a lot about ‘pairs’ lately.

Tony Abbott won’t grant them except in extraordinary circumstances. It is all part of his push towards a ‘quieter, gently polity’.

But there is one pair that he can do nothing about.

One pair that is troubling their leaders simply because they can’t be bought.

They are simply thorns.

Thorns because of the size of their egos.

This pair will simply not go away no matter how much their parties want them to.

A pair who, although on opposite sides of politics, are joined by their striking similarities.

Their successful wives, their needs to control, their arrogance, their charm (when it is imperative) and their capacities to master the detail of an issue.

They also have a capacity to say ‘sorry’.

One advised John Howard to say ‘sorry’ (before Howard lost the election) but was ignored.

The other made it one of his first acts to say ‘sorry’ to the indigenous people of our country.

Both were poor listeners.

One in respect to his ministers and advisers. The other in respect to his peers during the push for a republic and then again in respect to a response to climate change.

Both were enamoured of an emissions trading scheme and one was prepared to undertake bipartisanship to see it through the Parliament.

Both paid the price!

One because he had supported the other and the other because he faltered in getting it through.

Both were ditched by their colleagues in their respective primes.

Now they both sit in the wilderness.

They licked their wounds initially but now they sit patiently waiting for their turns to come again.

They are still possessed of their charms (when imperative).

They are still possessed of huge intellectual capacities.

And they have learned valuable lessons.

They are both ready to lead their country. Both are more popular than their leaders in the opinion polls and both have adopted a modesty that is exemplary.

During this last week one of them even told the media that the rise of the other was inevitable.

One took himself off the speaking list on the carbon tax debate and asked that we make nothing of it. But we know why he did it. Don’t we? He knows that we need a carbon price so that we can move to an emissions trading scheme.

The other is nursing a new heart valve and is looking really chipper. So chipper he is making his colleagues feel slightly edgy.

One has lost a lot of weight and appears to be leaner and meaner than ever before. We know why he has lost the weight don’t we? When you are preparing for battle you need to be fit.

So what is to become of Kevin Rudd and Malcolm Turnbull?

While it would be disastrous for Rudd to have the levers of power again Turnbull would be an interesting experiment in leadership.

The Blowfly recalls the words of Lichtenberg: “Human life falls into two halves, in the first, we wish for the second to arrive, in the second, we wish for the first to return.”

It is possible that both are in the second.

Tony Abbott wins at last:In a parallel Universe!

noreply@blogger.com (Ian) — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 23:30:00 +0000

The Blowfly is an experienced time and dimension traveller---as many of you will know!

What you will not know, unless you are Stephen Hawking’s apprentice, is that on the day that Julia Gillard was able to negotiate her way into Government in our hung Parliament, Tony Abbott, in a parallel universe was able to become Prime Minister in a similarly hung Parliament.

To do this he had to sell his backside----as he put it

Now when you sell your backside you are not yourself for quite a while afterwards. It hurts in a delicate sort of way! And you feel the subtle pain for some time!

As Tony Abbott was to find out! Many of you would say----“It could not happen to a nicer bloke!”

But there were some politicians, especially Independents, who, as in this dimension, wear smiles similar to those on the Cheshire cat in ‘Alice in Wonderland’.

Andrew Wilkie got the billion dollar hospital for his electorate in Tasmania, for instance. And his poker machine reform!

Poker machine reform did alienate the Coalition from the club movement but since most of those who frequent clubs are ALP voters anyway it didn’t impinge on the Coalition too much.

It was a bit of a mixed bag for Tony Abbott in the policy area. His propensity to say one thing and do another did not cease when he assumed the mantle of Prime Minister.

He also had to wrestle with his ‘black hole’. Not the one he had sold to get into office but the $11 billion deficit found by Treasury just before election day.

He had to break a few promises in order to get his budget in order---but what the heck! And this made it harder when the Queensland floods occurred. The Coalition’s financial situation was quite finely balanced and they also had to use a ‘levy’ to fund the abnormal expenditure this natural disaster cost the nation

And then there was the asylum-seeker issue.

Initially Abbott said that the captains of the Australian vessels were to ring him for a decision when each boat was engaged. However after a few early morning calls he soon delegated this to his Minister, Scott Morrison. After the Minister received a few early morning calls from border control captains he then delegated it to the head of his Department.

Then the Abbott Government was confronted with the Christmas Island tragedy when the asylum-seeker boat crashed on the rocks and broke up.

Not long after that some well-meaning lawyers launched an appeal in the High Court against processing at Christmas Island and succeeded. It was a bitter blow to the Abbott Government because the legislation previously drawn up by the Howard Government was found wanting.

And Tony Abbott could afford to be a gentleman in the Parliament. He was, after all, the Prime Minister. He had got what he always wanted. He could afford to keep his commitment to a ‘gentler polity’.

Some of you wont believe in parallel universes or that Tony Abbott is capable of delivering on his commitment to a ‘gentler polity’.

But The Blowfly can look you in the eye and tell you that it is indeed the ‘gospel truth’.

Julia Gillard's set-back: Is it the start of a fairy story?

noreply@blogger.com (Ian) — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 04:06:00 +0000

Once upon a time there was a little red-headed 'pommie' princess who became Prime Minister of Australia.

For her sins in a previous life she was burdened with a hung parliament. And rather than being blessed with a handsome prince she was confronted with a pugnacious take-no-prisoners Opposition leader who had offered to sell his backside for her position. She, however, prevailed.

Hung parliaments are notoriously difficult to manage and so it proved for our princess.

In order to gain working support in the hung parliament from the Greens she had to break an election promise regarding a carbon tax.

Her popularity plummeted in the opinion polls.

The High Court then kicked her in the guts over asylum-seekers. But it was a blessing in disguise!

She had been kicked in the guts for the very last time.

Over the dispatch boxes in Parliament, in an about-to-be-aborted Question Time, the eyes of the Prime Minister and the Opposition leader locked for what seemed to be an eternity.

They had previously flirted. But not that day! And not ever again!

They say the eyes are the window to the soul and so it was that day.

She saw the anger in him, the burning rage of being pipped at the post, the ignominy of Opposition. The Mad monk was indeed mad!

As she witnessed the flames burning in him the images reflected on her soul like a magnifying glass.

They ignited an ember inside her.

“Stuff you”, she thought, “stuff you all!”

Like a butterfly from a cocoon the real , real Julia emerged for good . The authentic Julia. The one the true believers had hoped for. The one Bob Hawke would swoon over. The one Paul Keating would worship forever. The one who turned Graham Richardson from a Labor back-stabber to a renewed zealot and supporter of the working class .

Australia got their leader. The one they sorely needed. The one they so dearly deserved.

Cabinet meetings became rather robust as she became the defender of Labor values.
Onshore processing of asylum-seekers was resumed immediately.

Tony Abbott’s offer of bipartisanship was seen for what it really was-----an extension of the fertile, opportunistic mind of John Howard to win an election in a time when terrorism was in the hearts and minds of the populace. The number of refugees lifted from 12000 to 50000.

She told the Australian people that of the 6 billion people on the planet it was reasonable to expect that 500000 or so would be displaced annually and,after all, Australia had been built on post war migration---herself included! And the Opposition leader too!

She reminded them that in 1954, Sir Robert Menzies, the founder of the Liberal Party of Australia developed the notion that Australia had an obligation to accept its fair share of refugees.

She became the hero of the Labor Left. She welded in the support of the Greens for many parliaments to come.

And there were no more hung parliaments.

As she developed the differences Australian voters became blessed with choice.

We were again, in Donald Horne’s words, THE LUCKY COUNTRY.

And all because a Mad Monk got up a redhead’s nose!

More irony in Australian politics might make it bearable

noreply@blogger.com (Ian) — Sun, 28 Aug 2011 23:30:00 +0000

The Blowfly found that the most entertaining feature of last week’s political events was the revelation that Bob Katter’s half brother was gay.

He came forward after the colorful north Queensland MP appeared at an anti-gay marriage rally.

This got The Blowfly thinking.

Politics has become so vitriolic in this country because of the hung parliament and the pugilistic Jesuit-type tactics of the Opposition. Most of the population are looking for light relief.

The Blowfly realises that God is a busy entity but he wonders whether He/She/It would serve humanity’s best interests by giving us more irony in politics.

This, at least, would make Australian politics more bearable.

Here are some scenarios that The Blowfly hopes might come to fruition in order to lighten our loads a little.

Hope 1. Julia Gillard’s long lost half sister turns up in the ‘old country’. She is a Quaker, runs a successful wedding planning business and has been married for over 30 years. She speaks the ‘Queen’s English', is blonde and can cook.

Hope 2. Tony Abbott’s half brother is a visionary thinker and community builder for the Uniting Church. He talks gently to women, is IT savvy having 3000 Facebook friends, has never told a lie in his life, has never thought of offering his backside to get what he wants and is a member of the Greens.

Hope 3. Joe Hockey’s half sister is an economist and personal trainer. She makes sense when she talks on economic matters. It just so happens that she is also Andrew Robb’s half sister and David Koch’s niece.

Hope 4. Julie Bishop’s half brother was found wandering naked in a cave near Esperance in Western Australia. It appears that he was raised by a family of stray cats. He can’t remember his sister escaping from the cave when he was 5 months old. Now you know where ‘the look’ comes from!

Hope 5. Craig Thomson’s long lost twin brother turns out to have an identical signature and has an abnormally high sex drive. He turns out to have stolen his Parliamentary brother’s identity and credit cards. Unlike his brother, who chaired the Parliamentary Economics Committee, he had time to visit brothels at all hours. Craig has bailed his half brother out previously but it cost him a fortune in legal fees.

Hope 6. The search for Malcolm Turnbull’s half brother took an unusual turn. He turned out to be Mike Quigley, the CEO of the National Broadband Network company. This was one of the reasons that Malcolm could not bring himself to tear it down. His half-brother’s half brother presently runs Goldman Sachs. This was a motivation for Malcolm’s policy position before the Old World Order got him.

Hope 7. Penny Wong’s half brother turned out to be Irish comedian Jimeon. Both of them are still getting used to the idea. DNA tests are being performed.

The Blowfly also remembers the words of George Bernard Shaw: “My way of joking is to tell the truth. It’s the funniest joke in the world.”

And so it is with Australian politics!

Is the Union movement stupid?

noreply@blogger.com (Ian) — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 23:30:00 +0000

The Blowfly has been pondering a very serious question during the week.

Barry O’Farrell and Ted Baillieu have both been told by their Treasuries that their respective state economies will both suffer substantial job losses as a result of the carbon tax.

The Blowfly recognises that the path to wisdom can be more about asking the right questions rather than having answers. So he spent some time framing the question. But in the end he concluded it wasn’t rocket science.
The question is:

“Is the Union movement stupid?”

When you’ve been born of a maggot you can’t claim to be clever. But you make the most of whatever brain you do have! So here goes.

In NSW the union movement, fearing the loss of 3000-4000 jobs if the power grid was privatised , rallied the troops at the appropriate levels and managed to get rid of Morris Iemma, the then Premier. He’d faced up to the serious problem that NSW faces------by about 2014 the State will start running short of electricity. He showed leadership and paid the price. So, subsequently, did Labor! They lost Government in a landslide.

Are we then to assume that the highly-paid and mostly (these days) highly educated union leadership has blindly accepted re-assurances from the Federal Government that no jobs will be lost?

Even if they are the old-fashioned ‘tough-nut’ union leaders they still don’t seem to The Blowfly to be the type of people who accept just any answer-----they want convincing answers! They are not shrinking violets.

The union officials seek convincing answers because they know that they are going to have face up to their members and explain to them whatever course of action they decide to pursue. The members have to feed their families, pay their mortgages and see their daughters’ weddings paid for. That is all heavy stuff.

So The Blowfly reckons that when the Gillard Government displays leadership regarding the adoption of clean energy, on the pretext of stabilising global temperatures, the Government had better deliver on its promises because the union movement stands to lose everything.

Everything!

Political power! Members! Member’s funds! Leverage!

So is the Union movement stupid?

What is the game they are playing?

Tony Abbott says the sky is going to fall in. Businesses will be decimated.

The Conservative side of politics says that this is not a good time to introduce a carbon tax.

This implies that there is a good time.

And we must not forget that the Conservatives do agree with climate change. It just that they are not committed to doing anything about it. Because they have concluded that they are powerless.

But the unions must feel otherwise.

Could it be that they are looking after their interests?

They don’t want their members to be at the economic mercy of the archaic-thinking capitalist-pigs who employ them.

They are leading from underneath.

They want their members to have a better future.

The union movement has a lot riding on this.

The Blowfly, a simple insect, concludes that they know exactly what they are doing.

Tony Abbott: Australia's political weather vane

noreply@blogger.com (Ian) — Sun, 14 Aug 2011 23:30:00 +0000

The Blowfly would like you to imagine that you are a weather vane atop a reasonably good house in any suburb in Australia.

When the wind blows in a particular direction you turn with it.

When the wind doesn’t blow, you find yourself directionless.

Now let me stretch your mind a little further.

Let’s imagine you are a good Catholic weather vane.

Yes, I know, a weather vane with a personality! That’s a huge stretch! But just bear with me for a while.

As a good Catholic weather vane you believe in miracles.

One day during a thunderstorm you were hit by lightning and your brain appeared. And your eyes started working.

You’ve lived a rather charmed Catholic life. Initially your catechism was a stretch for your new brain but then you progressed to being a little choir-weather vane and the singing really agreed with you.

You managed to avoid all the hoo-haa regarding paedophilia because they couldn’t reach you.

From your position atop the house you are in a prime position to watch the passing parade.

One day, during another thunderstorm, you suffer a further lightning strike and you find that you start having some thoughts about-----wait for it---- politics! Australian politics!

After the second miracle you come to realise that you are the chosen one----a very special weather vane!

As the chosen one, a weather vane with a brain, you did wonder why it had to be a political thought you had first.

Why wasn’t your first thought about love, sex or the paranormal. Or even, perhaps, quantum mechanics----------but politics?

What sort of weather vane are you destined to be?

A political weather vane of course!

One that reflects what the electorate is thinking. One that reflects a direction that might win government.

You watch the passing parade with renewed interest.

You see politicians come and politicians go------Hawke, Keating, Howard, Howard, Howard, Rudd and now Gillard. And of course-----Abbott!

On some occasions several winds even blow in opposing directions at the same time. This causes some difficulty with your pivoting mechanism.

Mostly these difficult winds blow from opposite sides of politics.

But every now and again opposing winds blow from the same side of politics and you love seeing the little eddies that they create.

This occurred recently.

One strong wind was blowing for the rights of farmers over their precious, highly productive farming land in northern NSW and Queensland.

From the opposite direction was blowing another strong wind. This said that mining companies have rights over that land so as to mine the goodies underneath-----especially coal seam gas!

These winds really test your pivoting mechanism. You really don’t know which way to turn because both these winds are your supporters and this could divide them coming up to the next election.

That would make the carbon tax seem irrelevant as a political issue!

As a weather vane you just do not know which way to turn.

Now, just at this critical moment, let’s imagine that you are Tony Abbott.

But, forgive me if I repeat myself!