Ben Maher, co-founder/co-producer of Philly Sketchfest

5. “WEIRD AL” YANKOVIC goes viral. It was great to see “Weird Al” debut an EP’s worth of new songs in video form on the internet, and once again gain a whole new generation of fans as he continues to spoof popular music better than anyone else.

4. LOCAL SHOWS continue to spotlight the best Philly has to offer. The Philadelphia comedy scene continues to prove that not only is it filled with hilarious comedians, but that it supports its own better than anywhere else. Shows such as Chip Chantry’s One Man Show (with Special Guests), Bedtime Stories, Ministry of Secret Jokes, Guilty Pleasures, Hey Everybody! and more showcase the amazing talent Philly has to offer. (and props to the venues that put them on like Khyber, PHIT, Connie’s Ric Rac, etc.)

3. KENT HAINES on Comedy Central. National exposure for Philadelphia comedy, featuring one of our funniest and most intelligent comics? Love it.

2. PAT HOUSE INTROS featuring the various incarnations of John Kensil. Absolutely awesome, nonstop hilarious and I hope they never end. The only time I laughed more than this all year was…

1. BING SUPERNOVA at PHILLY SKETCHFEST late show, Saturday night. (go ahead and call me biased, but PSF lucked out to have this performance. It would rank in this spot no matter where it was) A mighty juggernaut of over the top, tear inducing, stomach cramping laughs. This was the funniest 15 minutes of comedy I have seen in years, and the crowd agreed. Mr. Supernova graced this show with his presence, and we are all better for it. Bing Supernova, we thank you.

Honorable Mentions:
The STATE on DVD! (Finally!) & CINEMATIC TITANIC selling out at the Troc!

Well, it’s that time of year – time for the Comic VS. Audience ‘Top Five’ lists! It’s like the AVNs of Philly comedy…with fewer tits and less clean-up…and no actual awards.

With such a great year in the Philadelphia comedy scene, the possibilities for a Top Five list were endless. Some of the topics I toyed around with were Top Five Oakland Quotes, Top Five Comics I was glad to see leave Philly (I don’t actually know five comics that left Philly this year, but I figured I’d just list five Conrad jokes) and Top Five Comics I want to see leave Philly*.

So, after twelve months of contemplating my list, I settled on the Top Five Newer Comics of 2009**. Some are more new to Philly comedy than others, but in my opinion, each one of the following had a breakout year on the scene.

1. James Hesky – From phone calls gone awry to masturbating on a park bench, James sums up my teenage years perfectly. James has a great grip on what it takes to be a stand-up comic. He’s constantly tweaking jokes, fixing the wording and performing the same jokes night after night to make them tighter. Also, I’ve seen him eat on stage. You have to respect a man who does his two favorite things at once.

2. David Ray – The instant I heard his Holocaust joke, I was a fan. I honestly think I cried the first time I heard that joke. Not only does David have a unique sense of humor, he has some of the most intelligent jokes I have ever heard. He is one of the few comics I can watch over and over again and still laugh at the same joke as if it’s the first time I heard it. David’s act can be summed-up in one word: Tonatiuh.

3. Mary Radzinski – Okay, so Mary’s been a stand-up for a little more than a year, but I had to include her on my list because both her stage presence and her jokes have skyrocketed this year. She crushed the prelims and semi-finals in Helium’s Philly’s Phunniest and it was a shame she didn’t make the finals. Her facial expressions, dry sarcasm and constant smile give her an act distinct from the rest of the Philadelphia comics. And one time, she let me crash at her place when I was too drunk to drive, and that was very, very nice.

4. Darryl Charles – Unfortunately, I have not seen Darryl as much as I have the other comics I mentioned, but that doesn’t keep him off my list. In the few times I have seen him, I was amazed at how comfortable he seemed on stage so early in his career. He’s engaging, he has great command of the crowd and most importantly, he has good, solid material. Not to mention that “MAN, SHUT THE FUCK UP!” may be my favorite quote of the year.

5. Bing Supernova – When I was a kid, I wanted to be just like Bing Supernova, Just. Like. Bing Supernova. But who is Bing Supernova? A prophet? An oracle? One thing we do know is that he’s a mystery. I don’t know if people know this, but Bing made appearances years ago performing under brilliant pseudonyms such as Allen Iverson, Donovan McNabb and Santa Claus to disguise his legendry. But in recent months, Bing (as himself!), has been performing all over the area with an act so genius – so epic, I don’t know if us stupid retards even understand it.

* See: Top Five Newer Comics of 2009

** See: Top Five Comics I want to see leave Philly

Tabitha Vidaurri, The Sixth Borough

5.) Seeing the fabulous all-female improv group Children of a Lesser God open for Tim Meadows at Second City with Emily McGraw and Meg Favreau this summer during our Chicago trip. The show was hysterical, and we had a romantic tapas dinner beforehand.

4.) The January edition of Steal This Show at Connie’s Ric Rac. It was during what had to be the coldest night of the year, and the heat was broken. The audience huddled around space heaters and the comics were bundled up in coats and scarves during their sets. Brian and Paul of Secret Pants played a special edition of “Bush or Batman” with Corey’s parents, and Corey was wearing a skin-tight Star Trek jumpsuit the entire time. But really, just another typical night at the Ric Rac.

3.) Philly Sketchfest. Yes, this was recent, but it really was one of the most fun shows I’ve ever been a part of. I am a big fan of the joke told by our host, Bing Supernova, that goes “I love to masturbate on Sundays, which is why I was fired from Dairy Queen.” Allegedly there was a girl texting in the front row, but I thought the audience was pretty great. They were certainly shitting their pants with laughter during the Feeko Brothers’ set, which was good, because the Feeko Brothers were rubbing fake poo on their faces. (Thank you Dave, Matt and Ben and everybody else who put together Sketchfest, it really was a hoot.)

2.) BONERAMA! The all-female comedy show at The Shubin Theater in July. Meg Favreau did most of the work, while I danced to The Go-Go’s and told werewolf/period jokes. It was so great to watch standup by Mary Radzinski, Carolyn Busa, and Katrina Ohstrum, and to see charmingly deranged characters by Alexis Simpson and Jaime Fountaine. We had a classic Meg and Rob sketch explaining how to have sex, and the show ended with being touched, literally, by Kristen Schier as a crazy, amazing clown. What can I say? Girls just want to have lunch.

1.) The Kids and the Hall’s new series Death Comes to Town. Not only did we get to watch behind the scenes footage since the show’s inception, but the trailer provides evidence that the Kids have not lost their edge, if anything, it looks like they’ve gotten even more diabolically funny with age. The God of Comedy has answered my prayers, and not surprisingly, he is Canadian.

Honorable Mentions: Going to the Exhumed Films 24 Hour Horror Marathon with Rob B. and Doogie, karaoke with the Secret Pants gang, and the beautiful, ever-changing enigma that is Pat Kelly’s butthole.

Tommy Papa, stand-up

1. CvA podcast of The Legendary Wid and John Kensil. It was great to hear their personal stories about the Philly comedy scene years ago. We bitch about the amount of stage time now; I can’t imagine what they went through. Also, hearing them berate Pittsburgh was a bonus. Pittsburgh is like a giant outdoor WalMart. It makes Quakertown look like a metropolis.

2. A Summer at Chucky Cheese by Gregg Gethard. All of Gregg’s stories are great, but this was my favorite because of my personal experiences with this creep infested funhouse. “This is how I ended up, holding a mouse head in a filthy utility closet, getting yelled at by a girl whose only talent on earth was the ability to blindly flip the radio dial from KISS FM to HOT 97 while going down on a 28-year-old cement mixer/numbers runner in the front seat of his fire red Camaro.”

3. Bing Supernova. After witnessing the impact of Fast ball pitcher Bob Gutierrez, Bing is proof there is room for more unique and refreshing characters in Philly. In one appearance, after a successful one liner about “a colored fella,” Bing abruptly cuts off the audience laughter by shouting, “Shut the fuck up!” I almost popped a rib.

4. Laff House vs. Luke Giordano. A woman making her stand up debut and invited her entire workplace to the Laff House on Wednesday night. Luke had the pleasure of following her. By the time he got to the stage, the group of women, (who closely resembled the thug cast of The Wire) were chest bumping and being disruptive. Luke’s first attempt was to politely ask them to have respect for the other comics and be quiet was immediately shot down by the ring leader when she stood up, pointed and hollered out, “Ooooh, die we hurrrrt his feeeelinds?!” Chest bumping again engulfed the room as Luke chose to bit his tongue and walk off rather than riot. Thank you for saving us Luke.

5. Jersey Shore on MTV. I’m half Italian. This show makes me wish I was 100% Scottish. Really? These Jersey scumbags are an accurate representation the Italian culture? That’s like going to the Mayfair section of Northeast Philly to discover the best the Irish have to offer. You won’t find culture, just alcoholic contractors with clover neck tattoos that are highly skilled in domestic violence. Bonus: The guys on the show aren’t capable of eating with their graphic tshirts on, and NJ “girls” are so exposed to steroids it’s become a top character trait. Also, “Snookie” the slutty chunky dwarf built like an egg roll, gets punched in the face by a Male high school teacher! I love you NJ.

Geston’s Cigar Store Figurines brings you the third installment of Where’s My Butthole, a Detective Richard Spoolding Mystery. Featuring your favorite gumshoe, Dick Spalding as Detective Richard Spoolding. Costarring Jim DeLancey as Spoolding’s right-hand-man, James DoLuncey, and the lovely MJ Flanigan as Spoolding’s secretary and main squeeze, Mary Jane Flonnigan.

Where’s My Butthole is NSFW and may contain offensive material. Hey, the 40’s were a different time.

Written by Dave Terruso, performed by Dave Terruso and Matt Lally of Animosity Pierre (profile) and edited by Dave Walk. Animosity Pierre will be performing tonight at the Philly Sketchfest [show info].

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Sorry ladies, but the host of the monthly show Ministry of the Secret Jokes, Doogie Horner (profile), is taken and he’s getting married! But come out tonight to Fergie’s Pub (1214 Sansom St.) to celebrate with a free edition of MOSJ starting at 8PM. There’s tons of stuff lined up: the comedy duo of Roger Weaver and Mike Rainey, the lightning accordian of Amir Gollan, Fastball Pitcher Bob Gutierrez, Female Divination Game: What’s Wrong? (no idea what this is), Worst-Man Speech Competition and the one and only Legendary WID doing a set.

Traditionally females aren’t allowed at a bachelor party, but Doogie is allowing them if they dress like dudes: “hair hidden under a hat or wig, and please wear a mustache, or don’t shave for a day or two. Any women who look like girls will not be admitted!” So take that, ladies!

Secret Pants will be performing in the Philly Sketchfest Friday night at 10PM with New York’s Chris and Paul Show [show info].

The first group go by the name Bad Creations and are made up of three stand-up comics, Darryl Charles, James Hesky, Monroe Martin, with Lori Dean. Their sketch, “Storytime with the Israelites,” brought down the house with a Dr. Seuss reading and some audience participation.

The other group performing in the fest are The Dependable Felons, made up of Matthew Meyer, James Chupka, Adam McKinley, Bern Podcasy, and Dan Gallagher (though Dan was not in attendance). Here’s their video of two sketches: an interrogation scene and The butcher, the baker, The candlestick maker in a tub.

And although they didn’t win, the duo of McClosky & Myers are worth showing because, last name group names are always good idea and their sketches about apples and teeth (I think?) were funny: