Comments for Shrink4Men

Comment on The Narcissistic Woman’s Relationship Manifesto, Part 2 by ProgrammingDad

ProgrammingDad — Mon, 29 Apr 2024 18:13:33 +0000

One of the problems of being in a relationship with these types of women is that conventional relationship advice doesn’t apply and can even make the situation worse. (One thing I saw recently was “it takes 2 to tango”, and men need to own their part of relationship conflict, advice that would never be given to women in abusive relationships (https://www.drpsychmom.com/5-things-to-say-to-your-wife-when-she-is-mad/).

The irony is that dating advice is tailored toward these types of women. Now, perhaps these are the type of women who are disproportionally represented in the dating market. But this isn’t the type of relationship we should want.

But we have dating advice that will help you land a disordered woman, and then relationship advice that only works with well-adjusted women.

Comment on Ending a Relationship with an Abusive Woman by logsmithy

logsmithy — Thu, 28 Dec 2023 23:22:17 +0000

Seasons greetings!

Finally, my neurotic girlfriend is telling me we’re done! Yup! Long story short, she’s got a dad that drinks himself to sleep every night and is an ultimate “Taker” (Narcissist”) that typically constantly sucks the life out of her and others. I recently forwarded a text mesage about an arson report at the Walmart here in West Central Wisconsin to her and several friends, one being a mutual friend of her dad and her. This friend was with them when she recieved the message which was the news station’s FB page covering it. When her dad is drinking he’ll say the most atrocious things and when she said I sent her the news announcement, he blurts out that (I) “he’ just wants to get in her pants.” My girl friend texted me, pissed that I was sending “other women’ text messages, to say what her dad said and that she had warned me that “people talk”. This is my now ex girlfriend’s jealous rage she gets in to which I always say to her “I text and email a lot of people in my work and business everyday – is there a list of people I can’t talk to?” I told her her dad is an abusive drunk narcisist always shooting his mouth off and is an asshole. She came back with saying I need to stop talking smack about her dad…. now. I told her he’s a user / taker sucking the life out of her and no matter how hard she tries to make him happy and show love it’s never enough and won’t ever be until she stands up to it and don’t back down. I tell her she’s allowing him to treat her like shit and his stupid shitty remark that I was after his girl friend because I messaged her is him getting a jealous rise out of his daughter (follow?) Anyway, this morning she texted me to say she doens’t want to be my girlfriend anymore. Friends only. I’m 65 and she’s 50 and this sounded so jouvinile to me. I thanked her for standing up to her dad for talking smack about me – (which she never did). I’ve stayed out of the zany crazy that is her dad long enough. When the asshole is stood up to by her or he’s not being fed his supply, he disowns her and tells her to get out of his house – she’s doing same to me for my reaction to his vulgar comment that she wanted me to hear about – and, its not the first time. Been there done that. Crazy is crazy and always will be! I took her message this morning as being released from her drama and excuses for her behavior and her dad’s. I want to enjoy my retirement and not be bogged down into a going no where but up and down relationship.

Merry Christmas to me I reckon!!

Comment on So your Tinder Date Tells You She Has BPD by ProgrammingDad

ProgrammingDad — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 04:59:21 +0000

The attitude to absolutely sprint away from is along the lines of, “I just feel things so strongly, and sometimes my honesty is too much for other people (especially those who want to be fake or are emotionally weak) to deal with.”

Comment on When your Borderline or Narcissist Wife Tells the Couples Therapist She Feels Unsafe by dippers

dippers — Sat, 12 Aug 2023 21:27:55 +0000

This article came five years too late for me. But every word of it is true.

Comment on False Abuse Allegation Risk Factors for Men by Toto Leelost

Toto Leelost — Wed, 12 Jul 2023 05:14:50 +0000

Reading this makes me want to commit suicide. Your warnings are likely too late because men who are in the middle of this often are too confused to know what to do. They are trapped. It should be no surprise that the idea of trapping a men in marriage using these tactics could imply that these women may not just be borderlines, but feminists implementing a playbook. The more I think about what happened, I become more convinced that is what happened.

Comment on Will My BPD Ex Be Different With the Next Guy? by cuatezon

cuatezon — Fri, 22 Jul 2022 18:22:44 +0000

I totally agree with everything here, and just add one piece on it. It seems once in awhile the Cluster B ex will meet their match, someone who is either a Cluster B/NPD/BPD and/or pathological and therefore its a synergistically sick relationship that they both seemingly on the surface relish, but in reality are as miserable as ever. Basically trash meets trash and stick together as they cant find any new (normal people) victims. I see this happen frequently. I am so glad Im not like this and not with someone like this.

Comment on How Do You Tell a Narcissist You Want a Divorce? by Seeingclearly

Seeingclearly — Wed, 26 May 2021 15:36:31 +0000

I informed my NPD ex of the divorce by having her legally served with papers while I was home with a few other friends. From that point on I completely avoided talking to her or responding to her comments, despite her desperate efforts to drag me into a fight or gaslight me. Recorded everything. The best thing to have is a solid prenuptial agreement (and make sure she takes it to an attorney, at least 6 months before the wedding). Thank God an attorney friend twisted my arm about this. He was probably more clear-headed than I and foresaw the eventual demise of this nightmare.
But that’s all hindsight.
I spent a year covertly collecting (and securing off-site) all financial records, tax returns, copies of her personal records, copies and screenshots of every nasty-gram she texted, posted on social media or elsewhere. I had some doozies that I could show my attorney so she wouldn’t think I was just another in a long line of people complaining about their spouse. I covertly started my phone recorder every time she began one of her disordered tirades with me or the kids. Enlist allies or adult children who witness the abuses and would be willing to sign an affidavit for the court.
If there are any notoriously vicious divorce lawyers in your area, go see them first even if you have to pay for an hour of their time. You may not wish to use them, but you have ‘conflicted them’ so your spouse can’t use them and they may share some insights about your situation and what they think your spouse will do. You may want to open a separate credit card account and banking account so your spouse can’t drain all the finances, leaving you without a ‘rainy day’ fund. Obviously, don’t try to hide money or assets from the court during divorce proceedings – that can backfire. Get your own private mail box well ahead of time and secure an off-site place to keep documents, statements etc. that come to your private mailbox. Don’t do anything illegal. Just take care of yourself and remember that this will be a war.

Comment on Narcissism, Professional Martyrs, Emotional Labor and Christmas by ProgrammingDad

ProgrammingDad — Sat, 19 Dec 2020 01:41:46 +0000

So she had a hit album, and so decided to follow it up with a holiday album, huh?

I didn’t want to read the article, but I’m guessing the rest of the family had not expressed any desire for the holiday cards to be such a production; correct?

Comment on Couples Therapy with Narcissists and Borderlines, Part 2 by jason

jason — Sun, 20 Sep 2020 17:49:55 +0000

The therapist for my BPD ex and I wasn’t very good and started by taking my ex’s side (by that point, my ex had her lies down in a very convincing way.) But one session, my ex slipped up and our therapist realized who she was and the counseling switched to helping me and that help kept me sane. That pushed the limit of the skill of the therapist, but at the time, her help was invaluable.

Comment on Trauma Bond vs. Healthy Bond: Emotional Intensity vs. Emotional Intimacy [Meme] by ProgrammingDad

ProgrammingDad — Tue, 16 Jul 2019 22:23:03 +0000

In reply to Dr Tara Palmatier.

Going viral right after I deleted my Twitter account….

Yes, I think this is how I got into trouble.

Because I didn’t have a lot of relationship experience, I thought this was how relationships were “supposed to” go. And that if I wasn’t “strong enough” to deal with emotional volatility, then I wasn’t but out for being in a relationship. That if I wanted someone around who was happy on (decreasing) occasions, I had to endure deep sadness and anger as well.

Lots of memes and trite phrases reinforce that — the awful MM quote I riffed off, “relationships are work,” etc.