There once was a time I’d borrow my family’s film camera and shoot endless rolls and have my mother angry at the cost of printing them for me. I’d arrange them in albums, full on with captions, and when my friends came over, we’d look at them over and over and over again until our faces hurt from smiling at moments locked on 4×6’s forever. My creativity can now be sold in a store near you. And it can be sold For you. Customizable to everything you want and everything you need it to be for you.

But what about me? What’s left for me when now all I have time for is for everyone else? Better to be the one woman show big boss ricky ross than to have to report to anyone else. Except I’ve been on my own self development tip for awhile. Kinda taxing to be paving the way for a minute. My work follows me home and I constantly battle within myself — resisting what I need to do for everyone else to fit in what I want to do for myself… only to end up feeling guilty for it because I didn’t do what I “needed to do today”.

What I need to do is find a new way. What I need to do is get creative about my circumstance. What I need to do is have a new outlook. What I need to do is stop worrying about the world that is watching that I’ve suddenly become conscious of. My dad used to tell me, “You have a lot of influence on the people around you. What are you being a stand for?” I don’t want these eyes because I feel the pressure. I don’t want these assumptions that there are judgements. I don’t always want to be the leader. I don’t want to always be the girl who’s doing shitloads and ‘makin it happen’. What exactly is ‘it’ and what’s happening?

Who cares about the grind and the hustle and the city mentality. Can we use some new verbs please? Can we go back to the bare essentials? Can we be real about our intentions? Can we have ones that are for the betterment of others and not for the ‘hits’ or ‘trending topics’ or the top of everyone’s ‘mini-feed’? Can the capitalists stop monopolizing on every outlet of freedom and expression we have? Can the corporate suits stop trying to find a way to make things cheaper and faster at the expense of our planet, our people, and our happiness? They’re successfully creating a generation of apathetic youth who take self-portraits through bathroom mirrors exclaiming ‘YOLO! YOLO!’ when the most daring thing they’re really doing is sharing a Youtube video.

I’m just me. Extraordinarily Me. I wasn’t born too far off from when the digital boom hit hard… but I lived early enough to know what analogue is. In a way… growing into and out of and onto… is kind of leading me back to where I started. Psychologically, we all think it was better then than it is now.

I know this platform for change is a powerful one. It is something I will be part of. I feel it in my gut. I’ve felt it far back as long as I can remember.

But right now, today… I feel this. I feel like going back to all my creative roots that were outlets of expression for just Me. With the intent of only Me, and the future Me. I’m going to take film photos and print them. Make albums that me and my friends can look at time and time again. I’m going to get a sewing machine and re-work and recycle, I’m going to wear the fruits of my labour and creativity. I’m going to ride my bike far away from the city and have bonfires and swim in clean water and breathe fresh air. I’m going to move my furniture around, reduce my physical possessions, finish all my unread books in a park and let my boyfriend finally teach me how to dance in a way I’ve always wanted to surrender my inhibitions.

So… to whoever is out there, reading this, as conscious as I am of you, I put my heart out there so that you can remember it’s okay to do the same. It’s more than alright to live for You. In fact, it’s what makes it all worth it.

xoxo. Stay chuned for The Ceremony and Reception!

Isn’t she gorgeous? I’ve always thought so. Tiff is such a beautiful soul inside and out. We first met a few years back during a photo shoot we did with The Main Ingredient party, and since then we’d always run into each other either at TMI parties, at different dance events, and just around the T.O. hood. It was such a pleasure to be asked to shoot Behind The Scenes photos for her wedding day! I’ve never shot a wedding before, video or photo wise, not my thing that I like to agree to… but for Tiff, considering she wanted to take me on under the premise of what I do best — catch moments, I was soooo down. Her hubby and I have only ever met once, so I didn’t know too much about him, but after just the short hour and a half I was capturing her and the bridal party getting ready, I could tell that they were something special… you know, the type of partnership you’ve always wanted, didn’t know if it existed, and then by way of the Universe, finally attracted it into your life. Two individuals who are constantly seeking consciousness, betterment for the environment, and sharing that passion with everyone who comes their way… Tiff and Dan are two humans who have definitely inspired me with their passion, love, and also their love for each other.

The Bridal Party, Ceremony, and Reception to come, stay chuned for the next parts…

[the g-ride]

After cuttin’ it close with finishing up a video for class and then booking it to pack quickly and hop on the subway to the airport, I was greeted at YYZ by my sissy Brit, who got me to my flight as quickly as possible. I’m getting pretty good at packing quicktime, I must say. With only 4 hours of sleep under my belt, zonking out on the 4.5 hour plane ride came to no surprise. I am notorious for being able to fall asleep anywhere, just one of the many perks of being a small human.

The plan was to begin with hometown central — Vancity, and then make my way westwards. It had been 7 months since I was home last summer, and I knew that the homecoming greeting I’d receive would be nothing short of wonderful. I’m lucky that I have friends and family who are always stoked to see me whenever I come back for a visit. It’s a totally new experience to visit Vancouverite as a now Torontonian. The things I like and am into now were not the things I was into before… Vancity I see with a completely different new set of eyes.

My old broski Chris scooped me from the airport and brought me back home to a bangin’ Mama Loro filipino dinner of lumpia, panko breaded prawns, and of course rice. Gotta love Moms cookin.

[Panko Breaded Prawns]

[My broski on that lumpiang shanghai steeze]

[This is my beautiful Lola! the only grandmother I have left:)]

[My mom and I both gave our high school valedictory address.]

[I was born with an afro. Didn’t you know?]

[My 18th Birthday Debut — Cotillion pictures!]

[The hottest day in Vancity. Best Cotillion dancers eeevverrr.]

[Yes, costume change! My escort, Tim and I, and our epic Star Wars introduction. Lol.]

[Oh my god, they created me!]

[The folks and babybroskiii Chad]

[My faja. He’s a nut.]

After dinner one of my childhood best friends, Nathan, came over and we rolled downtown to check out my boy Jolin Ras who spins on Thursday nights at The Granville Room. Aside from the fact that a beer cost me almost 8 dollars, I loved the vibe of Granville Room. Exposed brick, chillin vibes, and of course, dope music — facilitated my Thursday night mood.

[Nathan aka Tan Tan and I.]

Jolin and his crew Raw Mind Movement (more than just a collective of Bboys who get down with each other, but get down on that raw mind tip) along with a few other homies came through to enjoy the night. It had been a minute since I say Ryan and Yong, who, along with Jolin, came to stay with me during Manifesto Festival last year. That trip where they traveled across Canada on a Greyhound bus for 3 days to come to Toronto and check the hip hop community… was definitely one for the books. It changed their perspectives on everything. Toronto was that trip for them.

Needless to say, we cool like that, and it was mad dope to see them again.

[Jolin Ras, my friggin brother from another mother, yo.]

[Ryan Narita, dope film photo documentarian. Check him.]

Next stop on the Granville strip — Jo Rich’s. It’s Thursday night, how could I not go and say whattup to my dude Mike Alcantara who runs one of the most hectic parties in Vancity… on a Thursday night! Lawd, it was packed. Upon arrival I had my hand stuffed with more than enough drink tickets. Shots were in order c/o one of my most favorite friends in the world — Adi aka Adlib of The Boombox Saints.

Honestly… I ALWAYS have wayyyy too much fun with that guy. Cracking up over making the most ridiculous inside jokes in filipino accents, and doing some seeeerrious dance moves in the circle. Hahahaha. We have too many memories of going out in Toronto and Vancity and having awesome party times. Nights with Adi are guaranteed wild — gotta love it.

After Jo Rich’s, at the brink of inebriation, we met up with my boy Mike Rodriguez. One of the dirtiest filmmakers in Vancity. I’ve seen this guy go from buying his first camera, to applying to school, finishing, and making his first film. I’m so proud of him, and humbled that we’ve become such great friends over the last couple years. That’s for real. Check out his shit here: MR Productions, Eighties Union, dun kno.

We rolled to the most expensive chinese restaurant I’ve ever been to. I swear… I think we really paid for the experience to sit underneath the giant chandelier. Black Bean Beef was actually Beef N’ Broccoli (with black beans in it) but eh… all good… they just screwed up one of my most favorite dishes in LIFE!! Hahha. Just kidding.

[The Mike Rod, yo.]

The night ended with ongoing laughs over our filipno impression of Rick Ross, and a big fat smile over my face. I love coming home to such a warm welcoming, ones that continuously top the previous one.

Watch this dumb video of Adi and I foolin around. And then listen to ‘Stay Schemin’ by Rick Ross. You’ll get it. And if you don’t… no laughing for you, I guess. Bahahaha.

Stay Chuned for more. Vancity, I appreciate the love. One.

[Rev up the engines. It’s go-time.]

It all started because my roommate, soulmate, sister, best friend Brit Sirianni (of April Management/First Lady of DSTRY) made mer her WestJet companion… meaning… I get to fly literally, for the cost of pennies. It’s incredible! More than it being about me being able to fly to my hometown Vancity and say whattup to my folks whenever I want… I wanted to do something very special with the opportunity. Thus, being in the development stages of a new project that will soon be released and that I’ll be working on all throughout the summer.

This project is enabling me to do exactly what I love doing — exploring the music, arts and culture communities of all these different cities in Canada. Part of the development of this project which is so necessary… is just research. Going and immersing myself in the culture of these cities. How can I expect to share their stories if I don’t know the people who are the center of them? I simply went with the pure intent to connect, establish relationships, and build upon that connection.

I met the sickest people who are doing things in their communities that uphold the culture they have in their cities. From Vancity, Calgary, Winnipeg and (what was supposed to be Halifax became) Montreal, I saw the factors that influenced their character — for all their strengths and weaknesses. It was a unique experience in every place I went. I’m excited to come back in the spring/summer months and capture more of that, and bring back those stories… I’m stoked for you to learn about the artists I’ve met and will meet, and hopefully one day you’ll have the opportunity to connect with them if you’re ever in their city, and vice versa.

The exchange starts now.

First up, Vancity….

[Headed for the vanishing point.]

Before I even begin to set the stage for what I experienced during my past reading break where I flew across Canada for what I was mad hashtagging as the “#LOVEHARDTOUR” — I need to fill you in on what has inspired this post. Simply put, I don’t share anymore. I just had this long awesome parlay session with one of my dearest friends (who worked with me as one of Manifesto’s Doc Team Directors this year), Jon Riera, about how us doing our art as our main source of income, has made us forget why we fell in love with it.

We end up feeling tired all the time and resistant to these shoots because we stopped doing the ones that were just for ourselves and the sake of our creative sanity. Sharing, especially over this platform, is something I once loved doing… I used to blog everyday. Being busy cannot be my excuse anymore. This blog isn’t about shameless promotion, especially for other artists and their events… it’s about support, it’s about this being my art form in and of itself.

I’ve taken a long hiatus… but I think I’m ready for Lovehard 2.0. It’s going to be a lot bigger than me, that’s for sure.

You’ll get my thoughts and experiences in doses. Stay close. Love.

And they say Ottawa isn’t poppin’… truth is, behind the strip malls of commercially driven establishments, as far as the eye can see, lies small gems of passionate independence. Places like Flavor Factory, a new dance studio space and the only studio space of it’s kind, geared towards street dance and supporting events within that community. I found myself hanging out there last Saturday night, in lieu of the momentous reunion of the Fresh Format bboy crew, who all reached down from Montreal, Ottawa, and even as far as from out west in Alberta.

[Creeasian on the decks!]

It was really refreshing to be an observer amongst a new collective I have never interacted with before. There’s something about group dynamics that intrigue me: how they get down, the types of inside jokes and humor they share, what kind of energy they exude and exchange amongst each other and how that comes out in the character they portray as a collective. Fresh Format is… exactly that — friggin’ FRESH. 11 B-boys, with that flavor and attitude that culminates the chillin’ west coast, effortless type of vibe, and the Quebecois-French mentality of mastery in taking the time to do things… and to do things WELL. In Toronto, we call that shiet Propa Tings!

[The video stylings of Cee]

[The First Ladies of Fresh Format — Aileen, Julia and Lyndsey]

For the reunion, B-boy Lost Child organized a video shoot with two dope videographers, Cee and Yves, with myself taking some behind-the-scenes pictures. It was a goooood time, yo, being in the energy of people feeling super stoked to see each other after quite some time, some as long as three years ago! From the way Lost talked to me about his crew, I knew the night would go down organically, and the shoot was going to be something we’d all have a lot of fun with.

[Bboy Lost Child]

[Zig]

[Elon]

[One of the best poppers I’ve ever seen.]

[Raul]

[Kamikazee]

[Raul’s fresh leather vest]

[Creeasian]

[Aileen]

[Julia aka B-Lady Jussik]

[Torpedo]

[System]

[Monsta Pop on that berry steeze]

[Sancho, power monster.]

[One of my fave photos of the night]

But really though, who woulda thought we’d end up spending the entire night inside this random irish pub in the same strip mall joint, with Saturday night DJ and Kareoke?! Our initial intention to drop by for some pub grub and be on our way to downtown to a club quickly switched gears as we were all enchanted by the Kareoke DJ’ing of this young, 20-something year old heavier-set woman, with gel slicked from root to curl, rockin’ a dry-fit t-shirt with the Kareoke company logo  stitched onto the shoulders. She was quite the character, lemme tell you. Hahahaha. The girl kicked back a few shots by her lonesome and killed the mic with some Sheryl Crow. Seeeeerrrious!!

But there was nobody else badder than Lyndsey and Julia to set the stage with some Salt N’ Peppa to introduce us to what was about to go down that night. I grew up total city life steeze, so you can only imagine how this was all quite the spectacle to me that like 15 of us “hip hop kids” took over this small-town bar and enjoyed ourselves thoroughly with DJ & Kareoke night at Conroy Irish Pub. It was honestly… one of the best nights ever.

Much respect to the Fresh Format Fam for letting me be part of it. I hope you all like the pics I took from the shoot! Check em out below:

LOOKING FOR: A part-time production assistant for LOVEHARD (my video/photo production company and blog).

Do you love hip hop music, arts and culture? Do you want exposure to these kind of events and artists? Are you organized and can word doc/excel it up? Are you a jack of all trades? What are your skrills? Can you shoot/edit/graphic design/web develop/blog (wordpress)?

Sometimes there’s money involved, sometimes there is free inebriation and access to dope shows/parties. Regardless, the experience is GUARANTEED goodness if you’re eager and excited to soak it all in. You must be 19+.

If interested, please email char@Lovehard.ca with your resume, your goals (life & career), and why you love hip hop and who you listen to!!

Deadline to Apply: Thurs, Feb 2nd, 2012.

[TFHOUSE at his last show of 2011. Sneaky Dees, if you were there, youuu knowwwww]

What a frickin’ year for TFHOUSE and the DSTRY team. We went from Teddy’s show at Nocturne where he performed hits from his On My Way mixtape, to Teddy opening up for MacMiller in July for like 5000 people, to Teddy opening up for Wiz Khalifa on September, then The Weeknd in London, ON, and then him closing off the year with his show OUTRO SUPERIOR at Sneaky Dee’s. What an amazing run!! I couldn’t be more proud of the fam, especially my sister Beetle Brit, aka April Management — TFHOUSE’s manager. They really did the ground work this year in order to prep themselves for what’s to come in 2012… and if my intuition is correct, it’s about to get reeeaaallll hectic.

The show was SO ILL! All hands were on deck from the fam — Beetle Jenn and Fulfy holdin’ down the door, Mensa and Aphillyaded on the 1’s and 2’s, Eyeamtheo, KnowTomo, Jay Isip of Extension Jewelry, Redventura, Vincent Grey, myself and the Frstldy aka Beetle Brit aaallllllll holdin’ down that night. Not to mention the show was co-presented by Hustlegrl, Pardon Le Dopeness, and the friggin Weeknd camp were all in the building!! Teddy kills every single performance, and he also introduced a new track off his upcoming mixtape — Young Desperado. I can’t wait. I can’t waaaaaaaaaait for the release.

Check the flicks for what you missed. Take note that you’ll never want to do that to yourself again!