As we all know communication can be a movable feast, albeit with ones foot in ones mouth, however isn’t the message the sum of the parts?

For example parents think their  children can get their message across quite succinctly when they need to with out the whole Thesaurus . Mind you the communication can collapse when the message from the parent falls on deaf ears.

In our experience the emotion behind the message and the emotion of the recipient is essential for effective communication.

 If you are sitting listening to someone eloquently drone on in a bored “I’ve said this many times before” voice as a listener you can quickly tune out. On the other hand if you are listening to some one who is passionate about their topic and they get the odd word muddled we still  ’get it’.

Of course all this depends on how the receiver prefers their messages…there is always the odd one who is happy with the bore as long as their PowerPoint presentation is full of obscure interesting research and they can read and then tune out.

Thank goodness for people with passion!

Recently a client was in a final interview and planning to make a senior  job offer to a highly suitable candidate.  Everything appeared to be going well, except that my client suddenly  became aware of a growing sense of uneasiness about the preferred candidate.

Follow up on that intuition

 They had conducted extensive interviews with the person; the referees were all glowing; when my client checked back with the rest of the recruitment panel they couldn’t understand his sudden wariness…but unease it was. Should he insist on pulling back, when up till then everything had checked out well; or should he trust their thorough process?

We discussed what had  happened at the two or three points when he got his gut feel. The comments were: ‘Oh, there was some  slightly negative body language in the candidate that didn’t align with what was being said…nothing much really…’  ‘Later on, I guess I just wondered whether the candidate would be as committed as we thought.  I don’t know why’  

We could call that unease ‘intuition’, but was it?  Gut feel or whatever you call it, I have learnt in positive and negative ways the value of trusting it.  Some years ago a searing recruitment experience decided me that if I ever felt a deep unease that didn’t relate to the evidence, I would at least carefully follow up on that unease.  In my coaching of a very wide range of people, I have found awareness of my intuition to be a very reliable indicator of what is really going on.

 I am very suspicious of ethereal versions of ‘intuition’.  I suspect so-called ‘intuition is just a bunch of minute clues that only we pick up subconsciously – then they build until we notice them as intuition. For more explanation of this, check out: Lifehack.  

If we define intuition as ‘perceptive insight’,  there some useful things for a practical person to tune into:

1. In an intense discussion, we unconsciously pick up very subtle changes in facial expression, skin colouration and nuance of tone.  These are only minute clues until they cluster around a stronger general impression that we then experience as ‘unease’.  Don’t jump to conclusions, but trust the feeling and follow up on your concerns.
2. When you notice a gap between the message communicated in the body language and the message in the words, look carefully at that gap. There are a lot of unsubstantiated claims about the messaging in body language, but research warns us to be alert around this type of misalignment.
3. We also bring to the communication our experience in similar situations.  A relevant but past experience might be almost forgotten yet still trigger an alarm bells in the present. When we think about it afterwards, we will usually remember exactly what that experience was…and its lesson!

Obviously you have to observe the other person very carefully. The weird thing is though, that  to develop your perceptive insight, you have to listen very carefully to yourself.  Be  very alert to your own reactions.  Trust them. Don’t jump to conclusions, but do follow up on your instinct, by asking questions.

 There are some really good tips on listening to your own awareness at a blog with the appealing name of: hellomynameisblog  

So what happened in client’s case?   He decided to insist that the panel take the time to check up on his concerns. Having taken legal advice, they went back to the referees and that turned out to be a very good move.  Put briefly: They re-advertised!

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Well its Matariki now the Maori New Year and as it is in the middle of our very long wet and cold winter maybe its time to make some resolutions and call them choices.

We all can make choices .Whether it is to take a breath and count to ten before we say things that are best not said. or perhaps its time to make the choice of saying what does need to be said -the courageous conversation. And we can always make the choice to enhance our skills and develop our potential -find out what we ‘can do’ rather than what we can’t.

It is a great time to change just think of it as your new New Year-Matariki.

The conclusion I have come to is relationships and good old fashioned communication. A board may set the policy and direction to guide and govern a school or any organisation for that matter. However it is the Principal or Chief Executive (in the case of a school they wear both hats) that has to make it work. So therefore the relationship between the CE and the board (particularly the chair) is critical.  If like me you are a new chair or board member – a useful place to start is to focus on creating a strong relationship with the Principal. Their enrolment in your plans and ideas is key!

In deciding how hands on to be with day-to-day operations - discuss this together and work out how best you can support and guide as a board – especially when you have an effective and high performing person in the role of CE/Principal. Check in on a regular basis to ensure the Principal/CE is comfortable that you have the balance right.  Ask the question – “What could we (the board) do more of or less of to help you be effective in your role?” Is a good place to start in ascertaining this.

I would also recommend the value of seeking the input from those who have expertise governing in your industry. My colleague Lee Wilkinson provided a referral for school board governance on her last post.

• Ask yourself regularly – Who do I look up to in the way of role models? How important is this to me?
• Don’t rely on others to help you achieve your goals – instead remind yourself that you are the key to making it happen!

He went on to achieve all his goals without the support and encouragement of a mentor and wowed us all when he presented the above learnings and the wisdom he had gained through his own reflection.   

Note: Project K is a youth development organisation working with 14-15 years old with a focus around maximising potential.  My association with Project K is in the role of a mentor – working with students for a 12 month period to support the in goal setting and achievement. For more information on mentoring in your area visit www.projectk.org.nz

Made to Stick

The authors are brothers.  Chip is a Stanford professor who researched and taught what made ideas stick.   Dan worked in the field of educational publishing and thus need to find out what makes great teachers great.  They realised they had both been focused on the same question: Why do some ideas succeed while others fail?

The result of their work is their book ‘Made to Stick’ and the ideas are enormously useful for presenting as well as many other fields. They have a blog at: Heath Brothers

They pin down six key principles of ’stickability’ and every single one is relevant to making your presentation engaging:

1. Simplicity: We need ideas that are simple but also profound – this is why the Tui ‘Yeah Right’ ads caught on so well.
2. Unexpectedness: We need to generate interest and curiosity: The Air New Zealand body paint ads are a case in point!
3. Concreteness:Ideas need to be conveyed in very concrete terms so they mean the same thing to everyone.  The concreteness gives us a hook to hang the ideas on. Years ago I was very thrilled that my son’s general knowledge when I discovered he knew the capitals of nearly all the states in the US.  It was only later I realised that actually he knew all the ones that had good basketball teams, but  none of the others! The concrete fact of basketball enabled him to easily memorise the city names.
4. Credibility: People must believe the idea. Sticky ideas are credible, but people don’t like lots of facts.  Something that appeals to our idea of common sense seems to work well, even if  it is wrong!  Fears about the risks of vaccination fall into this category.
5. Emotions: We must get people to care about our ideas.Obama’s presidential nomination speech tapped into an emotional surge of hope with the famous lines: ‘Yes we can!’
6. Stories: We need to get people to act on our ideas. Stories get us prepared to respond quickly and effectively. Stories are a major source of motivation for people in every walk of life. Stories can do 1-5 above as well as #6!

By the way, if you are on a school board, Lesley Moffatt provides excellent training and consultation for people working on school and other community boards. She has a blog at: Onboard with Lesley Moffatt

I found this link via Ellen Finklestein’s useful PowerPoint Tips blog

“Wow”, some people said, “How lucky. You have another week in London.”  I totally agree that having another week in London sounds great., however when you have planned to return and you have clients waiting for you, it isn’t so good.

We do a lot of work with organisations going through transformation, so we have learnt a lot about how people best manage themselves during change. For example, we understand the premise: ‘Manage what you can and don’t worry about the rest’

Aha! While the mind can rationalise, the heart, sometimes lets you down. I found it difficult managing when there was no reliable information, so that we didn’t know hour by hour whether we would be able to fly home. 

The news media gave dramatic accounts of the volcano.  It covered  information about previous eruptions and how it could be weeks or even months before it would be safe to fly.  Finally we got good reliable news that we could leave in two days and the relief was enormous.

In hindsight what have I learnt about managing myself during uncertainty?
Firstly it is hard to be logical during change, especially if there are no facts. It is essential that lines of reliable communication are available for all staff
The media like to make things as dramatic as possible; gossip moves in nanoseconds and both are often very wrong.

In future when I’m working with people who are in the middle of change and not in control of it, I will remember my own feelings of helplessness and stress. I will remember that I experienced them until the true facts emerge.  It made me realise   the importance of good communication.