Compassion

A Rude Awakening

2012-05-16T01:18:00.000-05:00

We are all born into this world naked and screaming. That’s just one of many experiences we all share as human beings, even if we don’t remember it. My wife and I were fortunate enough to witness this miracle first hand when our daughter, Izabella Luna, was born on April 18th. What a wondrous experience it was. But what a rude awakening it must be for a baby to be thrust from a warm, dark, safe environment, where all of her needs are met, to a bright, cold, unknown world full of lights, strange objects and unfamiliar sounds. All of the sudden, she is at the mercy of all these people who want to poke and prod her, dress her, bathe her, swaddle her. She experiences hunger, which must be a foreign feeling given that her needs have been taken care of in a warm cocoon up until now, and the only language she has to express herself is crying and screaming.

Well, this has been a rude awakening for me too. I naively thought that only unhappy babies cried and that our baby would be different. Boy was I wrong. The first several days and nights were a real wake up call for me. Not only do babies cry a lot, they cry at the top of their lungs, sometimes while kicking and screaming. I haven’t spent much time around babies in my life. In fact, you could probably count the number of babies I’ve held on one hand and have fingers to spare. Now, I’m living with one 24/7 and learning the art of baby whispering. Survival mechanisms, instincts and helpful advice have come into play, and we are all beginning to learn how to live with each other.

When she cries, and we’ve made sure her basics have been covered (i.e. fed, clean diaper, etc.), then I try to soothe her. It’s so amazing that this little being can scream like she’s being murdered for no apparent reason. It’s even more amazing when I can get her to calm down. Using the 5 S’s (Swaddling, Side/Stomach, Shhhh, Swinging, Sucking), and a few other tricks, I can usually calm little Bella down dramatically (even if that’s only for a few minutes).

Something amazing happens when a baby becomes calm after a crying fit. Once that relaxation switch is triggered, through what ever method, her eyes become wide and clear. She has awakened from a fit of confusion and frustration (or so it would seem from the observer’s point of view) to that of a wide-eyed and curious child who’s just taking in her surroundings. That’s a beautiful sight to see.

Another beautiful sight to see is the amount of joy that shines on the faces of those who look upon little Bella Luna. It’s so heartwarming to see my wife look into her baby’s eyes and smile as she tells her how much she loves her. It’s also beautiful to see my parents melt with joy when they hold her in their arms. Of course she’s also got me wrapped around her little finger. I wear her on my chest a lot, which calms her and allows us to do things around the house.

She has taught me (and continues to teach me) a new level of patience and humility. I’ve learned not to take her crying personally, and I’ve developed a sense of humor around behavior which could otherwise be very disturbing. I notice when I experience frustration and I let it go, over and over, knowing that babies cry and it is completely natural (as is feeling frustrated and helpless).

Acceptance is the key to survival, and Izabella is my newest and most powerful teacher (and loudest). She is four weeks old as I write this, so our journey has just begun. I have a lot to learn from her yet, but I am ready, willing and able. The shock of the rude awakening is passing for both of us, as she and I continue to adapt to her life outside the womb. As this dance of life continues, I fall deeper in love with her every day.

Much love to you and yours,
Trey

PS - It’s almost 2:30 am and I’ve spent the last hour or so trying to get her to fall asleep and stay that way. It’s like a game we play, and I eventually win ;)

Radio Interview on Conversations with Avant-garde Sages

2012-05-13T01:22:00.000-05:00

I was recently interviewed on Conversations with Avant-garde Sages. We discussed my new book, "A Seeker's Guide to Inner Peace: Notes to Self." Trip Overholt was the host, and we had a good conversation. Please visit their website to listen to the interview. If you are interested in ordering a copy of the book, it's available on Amazon.com in softback and Kindle.
In-Joy,
Trey
http://www.treycarland.com

The Never Ending To Do List

2012-04-13T00:28:00.005-05:00

Do you ever experience periods of overwhelm regarding the amount of things that need to be done? If so, you’re not alone. Lately I have had a lot of projects calling me in different directions. With a new baby on the way, a great deal needs to be done to prepare the house for her arrival (which is coming in a few days!). In addition to preparing for a new miniature resident, I have to keep up with my work. It’s the busiest time of the year for our business, and I have been struggling to keep up for months now. I work from home and set my own hours, which gives me the flexibility to do other things when called into action, but that also opens the door for my work to get neglected (hence the 200 plus email backlog I have). I’m also trying to find time to write and promote my new book (A Seeker’s Guide to Inner Peace: Notes to Self), as well as raise money for the upcoming March for Babies fund raiser. In addition to all of that, there are the typical chores of being a human (i.e. cleaning the house, mowing the yard, doing laundry, cooking, etc.).

I’m not telling you all of my woes hoping you will throw me a surprise pity party (though that would be kinda fun). I’m simply laying out an example of how work, chores and life can become a burden that obstructs our view of what’s right here, right now. For example, sometimes, when I walk the dogs outside, I will see a whole host of “to dos” around me. Instead of seeing the trees and flowers, I see all of the things I need to do, or would like to do. I see my long term plans for the landscape. I see all of the trees I need to cut and brambles that need to be slashed and burned, and I visualize how I would go about taking care of this type of deferred maintenance. That’s often accompanied by a sense of urgency to do something before it gets more out of hand, followed by a sense of futility because it can’t be done anytime soon. Then, I’m reassured by a sense of, “It will get done when it’s supposed to,” which is occasionally followed by a sense of doubt in that laissez faire attitude.

The mind can become a spinning top, grappling with its feelings of inadequacy until all I see is a never ending to do list around me. Instead of the beauty of nature, I only see things to do. When I catch myself entering that pit of despair, I become present to it. I acknowledge those feelings and allow them to be there. I then check in with my own sense of beingness. I remind myself that I have become lost in my head again and focus on what’s right here, right now, instead of what I think “should” be done. I remember that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing, at any given moment. In fact, I have no choice to be doing (or not doing) what I’m doing right now. This moment is what the Universe has intended for me, and no amount of self doubt will change that.

Once I’m present, and not lost in the past or future, I can then allow myself to follow a particular impulse to do something (or do nothing). Feelings of guilt may arise when I am doing one thing and feel like I am neglecting another, which I am experiencing right now as I write this when there are a million other things that need to be done before our baby is born (in a few days). What do I say to help alleviate that guilt? “I have no choice. This is what I have to be doing.” I suggest that when you’re answering a call to do something you enjoy doing, enjoy it rather than feel guilty about not doing something else.

Now, I feel pulled to do something else and will stop here. My wish for you is that you learn to identify when you are looking at a to do list instead of what’s really real. Pay attention to those feelings of guilt and overwhelm when they occur, and recognize them as your body’s reaction to your thoughts about what “should” be. Remember that your thoughts are only a reflection of your past programming, and are really not yours to control. You can’t control how or what you think, but you can decide how to respond to them when you realize they are causing you stress.

If you feel like you “should” be doing something you can’t do right now, surrender the idea that it needs doing (for now). Surrender to the reality of this moment. You can’t do anything other than what you are doing right now, so give what you do now your fullest possible attention. Marvel at the body/mind’s ability to function in the way it does. Marvel at its innate intelligence to perform the necessary tasks when called upon. Imagine that your “doing” is actually like breathing. You’re not doing it, it’s just happening organically as a continuation of the wave set in motion when you were born (or even before).

Enjoy all that you do because you have no choice but to be doing it.

Peace,
Trey

PS - I wrote this in four sittings over the course of about a week. Each time I sat to write, I was called to do something else. This is not a bad thing, it is simply what was. I do my best to follow my intuition and go with the flow, without sweating the little stuff. I can then witness how cool it is that necessary things get done.

Pure Potential

2012-03-18T21:20:00.000-05:00

As I’m sure you are aware, Spring has sprung forth and is giving life back to the plants and trees that have been dormant for the past few months. Insects and birds are fluttering about on warm breezes that just beckon me outdoors. Life’s potential to give birth to more life is in action, and I feel compelled to write about it.

If you believe in the Big Bang theory, then billions and billions of years ago there was nothing. Just empty space. In that space nothing existed except the potential for everything to exist. From that perspective, you could say that everything that could ever be, already existed in its potential, but had not started to manifest yet. Then, theoretically, something happened and manifestation began with a massive explosion.

The potential for everything we are today existed before manifestation began, and has continued to exist throughout time. Even before we are born, the potential for our existence is present. In fact, each individual’s potential to exist was present at the beginning of time. Potential is the one thing that hasn’t changed since before the Universe was born, and it is still that same unchanged potential today. Life is the substratum of pure potentiality. Anything can happen. Anything will happen. Anything is constantly happening. The possibilities are as infinite as the Universe and its billions of galaxies.

It’s amazing to think about just how possible everything is in our everyday lives. Did you ever dream you would be here, where you are, doing what you are doing now? Rather than get bogged down thinking about a less than satisfying life situation, just recognize that you could not have predicted this moment and all that it contains. Who you know, where you work, where you live, what you like, etc., could not have been predicted with any level of certainty when you were younger. All the unexpected twists and turns in your life have led you to this moment, and it’s impossible to know what future twists and turns there will be and where they will steer you. You can’t know with absolute certainty where you will be 10 minutes from now, much less 10 years from now. Imagine that! But the potential for you to be anywhere, doing anything, is here now.

There are many enjoyable stories about how one little twist of fate caused a domino effect of events that led to some totally unpredictable outcome. A movie called, “Sliding Doors” comes to mind, where we follow a woman as she runs to catch a train. The story splits and we follow the story of the woman who caught the train, and the story of the same woman who missed the train. The one little twist, which I believe was caused by bumping into someone and dropping something, caused that woman’s life to turn out totally differently than had she caught the train. Not to give away too much, but the woman who caught the train discovered that her husband was having an affair and left him to start a new life. The woman who missed the train did not catch her husband and ended up staying in the relationship.

The point of the matter is not to get caught up in the “what ifs” of how my life has turned out thus far and what it will be like in the future. After all, what has already happened was unavoidable and completely necessary. It can be fun to speculate on the endless number of scenarios that might lay in store for us in the future (or worrisome if you tend to have a more negative outlook on life). But the point of the story is to serve as an example of how each moment of Life shapes the next, and how totally at the mercy of Life we truly are.

Right now, in this moment, the only thing that’s real is the pure potential for anything to happen. Right now, Life is manifesting before your eyes, out of a sea of endless possibilities. Each moment is created anew, ever changing, with the exception of potential. Potential is permanent, but what it creates is always moving, always unpredictable, and always uncontrollable.

This can be a bit frightening to consider because most people would prefer to maintain some level of control of their lives. In a lot of cases we have some sense of security because we are able to make plans that seem to happen, which lulls us into a false sense of being in control. Inevitably, something happens to remind us that we are not in control, and that the future is unknowable. How could we foresee the future when the possibilities are limitless?

When we’re born, we are born as pure potential. We are clean slates with no known future, with the potential to become anything. Nothing can be known and everything is possible. I’ve been contemplating this a bit lately now that we’re getting ready to have a baby. I’m pushing 40, which could mean I’m about halfway through my journey on this Earth. It’s been an interesting journey that I never could have predicted, and there’s no telling what the rest of my life has in store, much less the life of our daughter. Though it can seem like I’m not really “going” anywhere, as in the life situation seems to be in a holding pattern and upward mobility is limited, all I have to do is look at how much changed in the first half of my life to realize how much potential for change there is in the last half of my life.

They say having a child naturally starts you thinking about your own mortality because you have basically created your replacement (I read that in a magazine somewhere). It makes sense though, especially having waited until my mid-life to create a new life (so to speak). My wife is getting ready to give birth to a bundle of Joy with endless potential. Theoretically, I’ll get to witness how the first half of her life plays out. It’s only natural to wonder what she’ll be like. I don’t have any expectations, just wonder and curiosity. She could end up President, or married to an ex-con. She could end up never leaving her hometown, or travel the world and live in some far away land. She could be a great musician, or a teacher. It really doesn’t matter, and I don’t spend time thinking about all of the possibilities. Instead, I get joy out of just recognizing and accepting that unknowable potential exists for her (and for everyone else).

I invite you to sit with the idea of infinite possibility, without getting sucked into the specific hopes, dreams, aspirations, regrets, etc. Once you get that brief glimpse of that excitement over the “anything possibleness” nature of Life, let go of any desired outcomes and just know that from right now anything is possible. Feel what it feels like to know that endless possibilities exist, and feel what it feels like to trust Life’s ability to take care of you and guide you where you need to be. That may not be where you want to be right now, but where you want to be is constantly changing, while Life’s plan is unwavering.

Regardless of your age, you can end up anywhere, doing anything, at anytime, without you getting a say in the matter. If you can’t control it, why not marvel at it as it unfolds. Potential is constantly being realized and all you need to do to enjoy it is acknowledge it for the miracle that it truly is. Be present to it and let it do its thing.

Anything is possible.
Anything is probable.
Anything is inevitable.

Potentially yours,
Trey

Grandmother’s Eulogy

2012-02-29T23:19:00.000-05:00

Death is a mysterious gift. It brings loved ones together, by separating them from the ones they love. We’ve all been brought together today because of our love for my Grandmother, and all those whose lives she’s touched. Her passing is a gift. Just as her life was a gift. No one wants to think about their own mortality, but we all know we’re not getting out of this thing alive. A death in the family is just another wake up call, reminding us that we only have a short while on this Earth. The amount of time we have here can never be known, and death is nature’s way of reminding us not to squander the time that we have.

My Grandmother was fortunate. She spent 94 years here, most of which were spent in good health. My wife and I had a daughter, Stella Grace, who was not so fortunate. She was born on my Grandmother’s 92nd birthday, and only lived for an hour and 47 minutes. It’s amazing how many lives were touched by our little girl, despite her short life. One can only wonder how many lives my Grandmother touched in her 94 years. And I can assure you that both will continue to touch lives long after they’re gone. I know that every December 23rd our family will be celebrating the lives of two very special women.

So, if you’re sad, be sad. But don’t forget to be grateful. Be grateful for this gift of Life we’ve all been given. It’s so precious. I owe my life, at least in part, to my Grandmother. Had it not been for the birth of my Grandmother, my Mother would not be here today. Had it not been for my Mother, I would not be here today. And if I were not here today, my wife would not be carrying, what promises to be the most precious child to ever walk this Earth. Though I may be a bit biased.

Had it not been for the birth of my Grandmother’s parents, Ben and Susan Cunningham, many of you would not be here today either. And had it not been for my Grandmother’s death, none of us would be gathered here today. We have been presented with an opportunity to celebrate not only her Life, but Life itself. It’s a miracle to be here at all, and death is the most powerful reminder we have of how precious Life is.

So let us rejoice in this gift of Life we’ve been given, for it truly is a miracle. Let’s not live each day as if it’s our last. Let’s live each day as if it’s our first. Let life begin anew every moment of everyday, with a sense of gratitude for your mere existence.

I want you all to close your eyes for a moment. Take a deep breath, and slowly let it out. Now see what it feels like to be alive. Do you feel your heart beating? Do you feel your lungs breathing in and out? Do you feel your arms, legs, abdomen, head, face? What does it feel like to inhabit your body? Now take another deep breath and smile in gratitude as you exhale. That’s the feeling of Life that is ever present in all of us. The secret to opening the gift of Life is simply to see what it feels like to be alive. Feel Life as often as you can. It’s always feeling you.

In peace,
Trey

Smile for Awhile

2012-02-14T10:48:00.003-05:00

Did you know the muscles in the face are the strongest muscles in the entire body? I just made that up. But it sounds good doesn’t it? You may not be able to pick up a heavy object with your cheeks, but you sure can pick up a heavy spirit that way (which is often times much heavier). It’s pretty amazing really. The muscles in your face responsible for lifting the corners of your mouth to form a smile :-) actually have a psychological affect on you and the people around you.

There is a direct correlation between our body and our minds, and it works both ways. For example, look what happens when you think about an embarrassing event in your past, or something coming up that you are really dreading. If you sit with that scenario in mind for a moment, then check in with your body, you will probably find tension in certain muscles. You may have to pay close attention in order to pick up on that, but our bodies can’t tell the difference between what’s real and our thoughts about what’s real. It’s much more noticeable when you check in with your body while watching a suspenseful movie, but I digress.

I invite you to see what it’s like to manipulate the mind-body connection going in reverse (so to speak). Close your eyes and check in with your body. Just notice if there is any tension anywhere, and just allow it to be there. Tension is okay. Now, with your eyes still closed, smile gently to yourself :-) Notice your breathing as you smile. See how your body feels when you smile. Does it feel lighter? More relaxed? Take another deep breath while you smile and just feel what it’s like to have a smile on your face. It may make you smile more when you realize you are smiling for no reason. The sense of silliness of this exercise may feed on itself and make your smile even broader.

When ever it occurs to me, which is often times when I’m driving or feeling a bit tense, I smile to myself. I also find it helpful to smile at the little voice in the head when I notice it going round and round like a top that won’t stop spinning. We take our thoughts so seriously, which is the root of all tension. As Byron Katie likes to say, “Reality is always kinder than our story about it.” For example, can you be stressed out about something without thinking about it? Is there ever a problem before we think one into existence? Our life situation is only as serious as we think it is, and it’s always less serious than we think. The simple act of smiling takes the seriousness out of our story and replaces it with a sense of ease.

Eckhart Tolle suggests in his book, The Power of Now, that we not take our thoughts too seriously as part of learning to disidentify with the voice in the head. When we smile at the voice in the head, we take away its power over how we feel, which leaves room for us to relax. Relaxation makes us smile, and smiling helps us to relax. In the words of the famous Zen master, Thich Nhat Hanh, “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”

Say cheese :-)
Trey

Fear of Life

2012-01-15T01:46:00.001-05:00

As you may already know, my wife Shelby is pregnant again. Needless to say, there is a new air of excitement going around as this new addition grows in her mother’s warm and loving belly Yes, that’s right, it’s a girl :-). So far, the baby seems to be doing well with no noticeable health issues. She’s very active in there, too. Every time Shelby feels kicks and flips I can’t help but think about how crazy that must be. There’s a little human being in there flailing about, learning how to operate their tiny little limbs. It’s just miraculous. I’m getting to feel and see the movements too :-)

It’s been a little over a year since we lost our first little girl, Stella Grace, and we’ve found ourselves on almost the exact same schedule. Sprout (our nickname for new baby-to-be) is estimated to arrive on April 20, 2012, while Stella was estimated to arrive on April 17, 2011. Pregnancies after a loss tend to be experienced a bit differently anyway, but having the same schedule makes it seem even more special. After a loss, the innocence of what can go wrong is gone, and is replaced with the burden of knowing the myriad of things that do go wrong.

The loss of innocence can be painful, and may leave behind a permanent scar. It also leaves behind a changed perspective on life. In complete innocence there is no fear, and in a state of no fear there is peace. After innocence is damaged, fear is born. Fear wants to protect us from harm so that we may enjoy peace once again, but fear and peace can not coexist. A return to innocense will bring about peace, but past experience has told us that it is dangerous to allow ourselves to be that vulnerable again. We remember being hurt when we were innocent, and the mind can point to the painful experiences we’ve had when we lost innocence, thereby justifying the need for fear.

The mistake here is that fear would not have protected us from the pain incurred by a loss of innocense. Fear can’t really protect us from anything, except maybe peace. Though that makes perfect sense, believing it doesn’t make fear go away. Experience tells us that there is no end to the things that could potentially go “wrong” in any given life, before or after birth, which is why many of us live in fear of life, or, put another way, we fear living a life without fear. We “know” too much to be fully at ease all the time. So let’s look at what we “know” at the root of this fear.

Life is Scary.

You never know what’s going to happen from one minute to the next. Something bad always happens when I let my guard down. If I don’t worry I won’t be ready when the worst case scenario happens. If I allow myself to fully relax I’m putting too much trust in a life that can’t be trusted. Life has let me down so many times I can’t even count. I’m scared of not knowing what’s going to happen next. I’m angry that I can’t ensure things turn out the way I want. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to have to worry, or keep my guard up, but trusting life might jinx the outcome.

Is That True?

Pain is unavoidable in this life, but what if it’s completely necessary? What if our suffering is part of a master plan? What if this master plan has our best interest at heart? Is it possible to put trust in life’s plan? How does it feel to let down your guard and trust life? Sit with that last question and really experience letting your guard down about a particularly stressful situation. What does it feel like to surrender? Do you experience fear? Loss? Relief? Joy? Resistance? Do you want to cry? Laugh? Both? Just sit with that experience of allowing yourself to be completely vulnerable, without judging yourself or the situation. [I highly recommend Gina Lake’s book, “Trusting Life.”]

Looking Inside

An interesting thing about fear is that it typically has a bodily sensation that goes with it. When you are experiencing some sort of stress or fear, check in with your body to see if there is any tension. Once you locate it, direct your attention to that area of the body. Feel that tension and allow it to be there, fully. Give yourself permission to be tense. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any physical or emotional response that you have. Welcome it all and see how that feels.

At a recent satsang with Benjamin Smythe (http://www.benjamintsmythe.com), we were talking about the fear of life. Benjamin is known for traveling around with a large sign that says, “You’re Perfect!” He finds a public place to sit or stand and just holds the sign up to people walking by. He gets a wide range of responses, ranging from gratitude to indifference to anger. The thing is, he no longer cares what kind of response he gets. As he will tell you, his fear is gone (enlightenment has a tendency to do that to a person ;-).

During the satsang I told him that I had some fear of life in me, and asked if I should go stand somewhere holding a sign like him. We all had a good chuckle, but then he asked if I had any fear at that moment. I admitted that I did have a little (sort of like a mild stage fright you might get if you were admitting a perceived weakness in front of a large group of people). He told me to check in with my body to see if I could feel any tension. I located some tightness in my thighs and my upper arms, and relayed that information. He congratulated me and invited me to completely allow that tension to be there. As soon as I did I started laughing. I was able to see through the fear. It was just an illusion. Benjamin explained that dealing with fear may be more easily dealt with on the physical level because the mind is what created it in the first place, and it’s hard to get the creator of fear to alleviate it.

So What?

How does all of this serve me in my current life situation, dealing with a potentially stressful pregnancy? One key is to take things one day at a time (remain present). During a recent event that caused us some concern about the baby, my mind became a fear monger of “What if,” scenarios. I could not shake the thoughts, but I could feel the tension being created in my body. The tension was not localized, and could be felt all over. This time noticing it and allowing it did not give me the same relief. What I did instead is recognized the thoughts as just thoughts, not reality. This enabled me to relax for brief periods, but I was unable to be fully at ease until we had our visit with the Nurse and learned everything was fine.

There will always be life situations like this that have the ability to engender fear. Accepting fear when it occurs (instead of resisting it) is very important. However, realizing that the root of the fear is believing our thoughts is even more important. Once that’s realized, the thoughts can be looked at impartially as part of the human condition, not as if they were true.

As I was writing this up I felt moved to write a poem.

The End of Fear

In the end, there was the beginning
A circle brought to life, only not to end
Where am I to go?
Trapped in eternity
Scared to stop
Scared to move forward
Unable to do either
Unable to do both
Where am I to go?
No where but here
What about fear?
There is only fear if you allow there to be
Turn your attention toward it
See if that fear is real
Electrical impulses given a four letter word is all that’s really there
Being trapped, unable to move or stop, are just concepts
The domino effect of belief ends in fear
Fear ends in the recognition of its origin

The Final Chapter (not really)

2011-12-26T22:25:00.000-05:00

I knew I wanted to compile a book out of my past writings a year or two ago, but felt like I really wasn’t quite qualified enough. I’m not some enlightened spiritual teacher, so I had to wonder if my words were really worthy enough to be contained in a book to be read by people who might be looking for the secret to inner peace, etc. Isn’t that like the blind leading the blind?

These limiting thoughts were delaying my decision to complete the book, in the hopes that one day I would be “enlightened” and be able to bring the book to a better climax, such as, “Then, it happened. My perspective shifted ever so slightly, and all became known. I realized that there are no individuals, and that we are all one. Part of a cosmic consciousness pretending to be human beings, etc.” What a great ending that would have made, right?

It finally dawned on me that I was holding back out of fear of what projected “others” might think about some guy writing a book about enlightenment without being enlightened. Who would read that? Not me. My “time” is too valuable for that ;-) When I finally recognized and acknowledged that old program of insufficiency running interference, I decided to push forward. There will be plenty of critics, but I think there will be a larger number of people who get something from reading it (at least I hope so). I know I sure did when I went back to read all of my old posts again.

Anyway, once I decided to finalize the book, assembly and proofreading turned out to be fairly time consuming. But the challenge I’m facing at this moment is how to end this thing. I’m going to continue writing, and have already written a few other things to be posted later. Since there is no end in sight, how can I just abruptly say, “Okay, that’s it for now. Stay tuned for the next one.” No, I have to come up with a concluding chapter that does this book some justice. Or do I? Maybe I could just say, “Well, this seems like as good a stopping point as any. The End.” That’s sounding pretty good about now.

Maybe I could find a way that leaves people hanging on the edge of their seat in some way, like those season finales on TV that leave you going, “Those bastards! They can’t just leave it like that!” That would be fun if it were that kind of book. Maybe my next book will be fiction and I can do just that. But where does fiction end and non-fiction begin?

Your life is like a work of fiction starring you, and it has all of the different plot twists, comedy, drama, and boringness that any movie that lasts for 80 plus years would have. We’re all pretending to be stars in our own movie, which features all sorts of guest stars. If you’re reading these words right now, then I’ve stopped in to be a guest star in your movie (Hi there!). When I go to the store, all of the other shoppers and check out clerk have become guest stars in my movie. But how much more fun would it be if you actually realized it was all just a movie? Then you could step out of it and enjoy it more fully. When you’re trapped in it, the suffering of the main character seems so personal and yucky. I invite you to examine what if feels like to be the watcher of your life as it unfolds, instead of being identified with your character. It’s just like any dream where you are actually all of the characters in the dream, instead of the lead actor.

Could it be true? Look around. Could this all be a dream? Could I actually be all of the characters in the dream and not know it? Has it all been scripted out since the day I was born, or is it being written and directed on the fly? Do I have any control over what’s going to happen next, or is the only power I have to step out of the dream and wake up? Most, if not all, movies have a happy ending. What if this one does too? Can I finally relax and not sweat the small stuff? What if recognizing that there is a happy ending creates a happy ending that never ends? Wouldn’t it be nice to live that happily ever after Now? Now is all there is, and that happy ending that never ends is concealed in that Now that never ends.

The End ;-)

PS

You are perfect! You are loved! You are here! What a glorious gift it is to be alive. Don’t squander it pretending to be something smaller than you are. Wake Up!

Teacher Resources

2011-12-24T22:51:00.000-05:00

I have included a list of some of the most helpful and influential spiritual teachers I’ve encountered below. They aren’t really in any particular order, and it is by all means not inclusive. There are many more teachers that I have encountered only briefly, but whose words have been helpful.

Byron Katie - What can you say about Katie? All I can say is read one of her books and see for yourself. Some may call her a self help guru, but she is just a beacon in the night inviting people to question their beliefs. “A Thousand Names for Joy” is hands down one of my favorite books, but her other books are great too.
    http://www.thework.com
    http://www.byronkatie.com

Eckhart Tolle - Eckhart is probably one of the most well known spiritual teachers in the Western world. His teachings have touched tens of thousands of people, and that circle of influence continues to spread. I think the reason for his popularity is that his pointers are simple and resonate with people on a very basic level. Just a glimpse of what life in the present moment is like is enough for people to want more presence in their life.
    http://www.eckharttolle.com

Adyashanti - I’ve enjoyed several of Adya’s books (i.e. “Emptiness Dancing,” “The Impact of Awakening,” etc.), but his website has a great deal of free audio and essays as well. I highly recommend checking him out.
    http://www.adyashanti.org

Gangaji - For me, Gangaji rounds out the top four of the most well renowned Western spiritual teachers. I enjoyed her books, “A Diamond in Your Pocket” and “You Are That,” as well as many of the writings and videos I found on her website and You Tube.
    http://www.gangaji.org

John Sherman - John was one of Gangaji’s students when he was serving time in prison (her prison outreach program has helped a number of people). All of his teachings are free through his website in the form of eBooks and webcasts. His message is as simple as the nose on your face – just look a yourself (figuratively). He has several websites that I recommend you check out. I also invite you to join the Just One Look email list to become a part of the inward looking movement.
    http://www.justonelook.org
    http://www.riverganga.org
    http://www.thefearoflife.org
    http://www.lookatyourself.org
    http://www.johnsherman.org
    http://www.silentheart.net

Katie Davis - One of my other favorite books is, “Awake Joy: The Essence of Enlightenment,” by Katie Davis. Her teaching approach is from the heart and points us back to who we are in our essence. She makes herself very available to people interested in awakening. I highly recommend you check out her website and blog, as well as the free videos she has to offer. Her husband, Sundance Burke, is also a spiritual teacher you might enjoy.
    http://www.katiedavis.org
    http://www.awakebykatie.blogspot.com

Gina Lake - Gina has written numerous wonderful books, and has a great deal of audio, video, and excerpts on her website. Her teaching is like a combination of Eckhart Tolle and Byron Katie, which is probably why I resonate with it. She is also very approachable for people with questions.
    http://www.radicalhappiness.com

Nirmala - Gina Lake’s husband, Nirmala, is also a spiritual teacher. His teachings point us back to the direct experience of Being in a direct, no nonsense way. I recommend you check out his website as well.
    http://www.endless-satsang.com

Jeannie Zandi - I had my first real heart opening experience during my first satsang with Jeannie. Her message is one of Love, Beauty and Surrender. Truly a lovely human being.
    http://www.jeanniezandi.com

Norio Xoximei Kushi - Norio is a truck driver by trade, who experienced an awakening while driving cross country. He points out beautifully how language is the root of our confusion, and how tangled up in words we’ve become.
    http://www.demystifyenlightenment.org

Scott Kiloby - Scott has a simple approach as well. He writes about overcoming suffering and addiction, as well as stepping out of the story we have mistaken ourselves to be.
    http://www.kiloby.com

Karen Richards - Karen is a wonderful young woman with a very large heart. Her invitation to investigate the nature of reality resonates with a vast number of people, and I recommend you check her out on her website and on Facebook.
    http://karen-richards.com

Karen McPhee - I highly recommend you check out the free guided meditations on Karen’s website. She was one of Eckhart’s students turned teacher, and has a very nice way of pointing people toward the present moment.
    http://www.livingnow.ca

Pamela Wilson - In listening to some audio of Pamela, I realized that loving the ego was actually more important than trying to get rid of it. She teaches us to embrace all of our so-called negative sides, and get curious about it all.
    http://www.pamelasatsang.com

Catherine Ingram - The thing I remember most about reading Catherine’s book “Passionate Presence” is the quote, “Just this.” It gave me a new felt understanding of what presences is all about.
    http://www.dharmadialogues.org

Bentinho Massaro - Bentinho is a very young man with a great deal of joy that he exudes in the rapidly growing number of videos he’s putting out there. Check out his website as well as You Tube.
    http://www.free-awareness.com

Benjamin Smythe - His message is simple, “You’re Perfect.” He has a great sense of humor about everything and is very reassuring about the fact that you can’t do this life thing wrong. Check out his quotes and videos.
    http://www.benjamintsmythe.com

Rupert Spira - Rupert uses the direct approach of experiencing what’s here, now. He has a lot of questions answered on his website, as well as video inteviews.
    http://non-duality.rupertspira.com/page.aspx

Though there are a whole host of teachers out of India, my studies have been with mostly Western teachers and I am only familiar with a few from the East. I can safely say that the words of the following teachers have been of great use to me. They are also some of the most well-known sages of the 20th century. They have all passed away now, but all of them have left behind a legacy that will continue to influence many generations to come. I’ve included some web sites to use as starting points, which have links to countless other sites out there for each. I’m sure you will find some powerful quotes that will resonate with you.

Sri Ramana Maharshi - The Father of Self Inquiry himself. All paths lead here. “Who am I?”
    http://www.nonduality.com/ramana.htm

Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj - The original stand as Awareness man. “I Am That.”
    http://www.nonduality.com/nisarga.htm

HWL Poonja (Papaji) - Known for saying, “Call off the search. Stop. Be still.”
    http://www.avadhuta.com

David Hawkins - I owe David a big thank you for the guidance I needed when I first started looking for answers to life’s big questions. His book, “Power vs. Force” was the first book I read on enlightenment, and it really cracked open my mind. I was hooked, and read all seven of his books (he has written more since then). I also joined a Hawkins discussion group, met lots of great people, and eventually found all of these other great teachers. I drifted away from his teachings after discovering Tolle, and never really looked back. One of the faults I found in David’s teaching was that he made it seem as if obtaining enlightenment was damn near impossible (and very painful). It also seemed to me like David’s writing was becoming more unnecessarily political, which is when I knew I had gotten all I could get out of his teachings.
    http://www.veritaspub.com

There are several other websites that serve as reliable resources for people wanting to find out more about different teachers. Though this isn’t an all inclusive list, I am familiar enough with these sites to recommend them. Just like any other search, one page leads to another, and another, and you always find just what you need at just the right time.

Satsang Teachers - I have to recommend this website because it led me to discover several lesser known teachers that I probably never would have found otherwise. There are a rapidly growing number of teachers out there, and this site is designed to be a calendar listing for all of the ones that are currently active. I can’t vouch for all of the ones listed, but I know at least a dozen of them from personal experience and am reassured that they are doing some sort of screening before listing them.
    http://www.satsangteachers.com

Here are a few other sites of interest. If you have more teachers to recommend or resources you would like to share with others, feel free to write a reply comment to this blog post.
    http://www.nonduality.com
    http://www.stillnessspeaks.com
    http://www.nevernothere.com

Tis the Season to Be Jolly (or Not)

2011-12-10T18:30:00.000-05:00

In preparing for the holidays, we’ve been putting up decorations, lights a tree, etc. We didn’t do much of this last year because of my wife’s health and the pregnancy related complications leading up to Christmas, so it was important for us to get some of this done early this year. Shelby decided she wanted some outdoor ornaments (some lighted balls), which proved to be hard to find. We went to half a dozen stores looking for just the right thing, but we never found what she wanted and ended up buying the materials at a craft store that would come close to replicating it.

During this shopping excursion, which seemed to last many hours stretched over two days, I found myself being negative and feeling a bit put out by having to drive around town and browse stores during a busy holiday weekend. I was trying not to complain, but I felt like I had been taken over by this entity of unhappiness and couldn’t snap out of it (often referred to by Eckhart Tolle as the pain body). I would periodically become aware of my unconsciousness, but it didn’t do any good. In fact, noticing my unconscious behavior seemed to frustrate me even more. I was negatively judging myself for being negative, and the vicious cycle of judgment had begun.

There I was, the guy who likes to write about how perfect things are, and how all suffering is self-induced, etc., and yet I seemed stuck in a stereotypical male role of following my wife around a store with my hands in my pockets, feigning interest in things she pointed out, hoping that it would be over soon. The underlying dis-ease came from a desire to be somewhere else, and the desire not to spend too much money on this project (a good example of how desire is at the root of all evil ;-). I could periodically see myself in that disgruntled role, implying that there was at least a glimmer of consciousness shining through, but not enough to break free of the spell.

When I checked in with my body, I noticed I was feeling fatigued and wondered if my physical state was contributing to my psychological state. Which came first? The physical dis-ease or the psychological manifestation of negativity? While I was looking for something to blame for my bad mood, I remembered a quote from A Course in Miracles, “I could be seeing Peace instead of this.” I knew from past experience that this was true, but I couldn’t see it in this particular circumstance.

I finally had a moment of clarity and remembered that acceptance of one’s own resistance is necessary when you find yourself in a situation that seems unacceptable. I would usually associate this measure (of accepting one’s inability to accept something) with a much more serous life situation, such as great suffering, illness, etc., rather than a trip to a busy shopping center, but to each his or her own.

Upon this re-realization, I reassured myself that it was completely okay for me to feel stressed, bitchy, etc. In effect, I forgave myself for my own non-acceptance (and for being a bit of a jerk). After that it felt like a weight had been lifted. I was able to relax a bit simply by being okay with my own resistance, and, interestingly enough, when you’re okay with not being okay, everything feels okay :-)

This re-discovery of the power of acceptance didn’t occur until near the end of our shopping excursion, and a nice scenic drive home helped round out what was an enlightening day of doing things that I didn’t want to do, but had to be done. I share this with you, knowing that it may damage your opinion of me, in hopes that it may help you get through the holiday season in One Peace.

The Underlying Should

2011-07-11T23:32:00.000-05:00

My wife and I started attending a perinatal loss support group not long after we lost our daughter, Stella. It has been quite helpful to share our story with others and to hear what others have been through. I was amazed at how common infant loss really is, whether it's in the form of miscarriage or still birth or some other form death before a child's first birthday. The statistics are quite humbling, and it's safe to say that you know someone, or know someone that knows someone, who has experienced a loss of this nature. People just don't talk about it, which is why support groups, both online and in person, are so helpful.

In one of our discussions at a recent support group meeting we were talking about interpersonal relationships, and one of the men said that he didn’t like to be “should on.” When he felt like someone was telling him how he should feel, or what he should do, he would tell them, “Don’t should on me!” I’ve known for some time that “should” was a word to watch out for, but I was glad to hear someone else acknowledge it.

“Should” is often used in a way that implies we know how things are supposed to be (“supposed to” is another way of saying “should”). This implies that we know how life should be unfolding in any given situation. We get upset or experience some form of frustration when we're wrong about things, which is why we never really allow ourselves to admit when we're wrong. Instead of accepting being wrong, we declare our rightness by saying things should be different in order for them to be right, or at least meet our vision of what's right. So, you could say that no one is ever wrong about anything and that it’s the world that’s wrong, which explains a great deal about human conflict -- both internal and external.

Though “should” usually comes from a place of “I know best,” it doesn’t always come across as negative. It can be as innocent as, “You should try some of this pie,” or some other type of invitation, or positive encouragement to join in something someone thinks you would enjoy. But it can be a slippery slope to more negative things if you decline an invitation but are continually pressured, or made to feel bad for declining. A slight shift can also turn an invitation into a suggestion with negative undertones, like, “You should really stop eating pie.”

As you can see there is a gray area, and the person being "should upon" could easily feel like a victim regardless of the intentions of the "shoulder." However, most people are well-intentioned since they think they're right about everything. They are just innocently trying to make everything else right that they see wrong, or make everything the way it should be. Makes sense doesn't it? After all, that's what we’ve been doing all along.

The bottom line is that the word "should" is usually at the root of all mental or emotional suffering. Look at any aspect of your life that makes you feel angry, sad, frustrated, etc., then look for the "should." When you feel a negative emotion, it typically means that something is wrong, as in something out there doesn't mesh with the way things are supposed to be.

The root “should” will take various forms. “He shouldn’t have said that.” “She should treat me better.” “He should be more understanding.” “I should have reacted differently.” “I should be able to afford nicer things.” In the context of our recent loss, the underlying should would be, "My baby should not have died." It all boils down to one central theme, “Things should be different than they are.” The effects of a “should” range from mild frustration to deep sorrow, but you can always find a “should” where suffering is apparent.

How can I stop shoulding on myself and others? I can notice it. I can look for it when I feel upset and question it. Is it true that this or that should have happened or not happened? How did I get to be all knowing enough to decide what should or should not be? I can’t possibly know the reason behind things that happen, and I can second guess them to death, but it just leads to more suffering. I’ve found that it’s much more helpful to recognize that “what is” could not be otherwise. Acceptance of “what is” is the only antidote for compulsive shoulding, and is also the key to peace. Acceptance is a way of saying, “Things are exactly as they should be, whether I can see any logic to it or not.”

Be careful not to should on yourself for shoulding. That just leads to circular frustration and is a form of not accepting your own habitual tendencies. In other words, don’t think that you should be more accepting than you are. Just notice when a “should” appears and look at it without judgment. Gradually the “shoulds” will become more apparent and cease to arise as much, or at least lose their power to cause suffering.

When it comes to relating to others, watch for “shoulding on another shoulder.” In other words, when someone else tells you what you should or should not be doing, and you say, “Don’t should on me,” it’s another way of telling them what they should not be doing. By all means, feel free to call someone out if you feel so compelled, just notice that you are matching their “should” with your own. Another option in that situation is to notice that they are doing to you what you have been doing to yourself and others all of your life: acting out of habitual tendency. When you notice their “should” without judgement or “counter-shoulding,” conflicts (internal and external) quickly subside along with the negative feelings that typically arise when you are being “should upon.”

You can’t do this life thing wrong, but you can live with more peace when you get tired of suffering. So, consider this to be a polite invitation to see what it’s like without “shoulds.”

Be well,
Trey

Stella’s Life

2011-01-08T18:32:00.000-05:00

My wife Shelby was admitted to the hospital on December 20th after she started feeling chest, back and arm pains. Since she was 23 weeks pregnant, we called the OB on call who confirmed that we needed to come to the hospital for some testing. She was diagnosed with HELLP syndrome, where the blood platelet count drops and liver enzymes rise to dangerous levels. Two different OB/GYNs we had seen in the past confirmed that they needed to “take” the baby in order to save Mom. They also told us that our little girl was too small to survive outside of the womb. By now she was about 3 weeks behind where she should have been size wise and too small to be “viable.”

We found out earlier in the pregnancy that she had a congenital heart defect, which was determined to be very operable with good chances of survival. We had also been told that she would most likely have Down syndrome. Though all of that news was absolutely devastating at the time, we took things one day at a time, and gradually came to grips with the prognosis. Despite all of our worries about the future of our child, we were looking forward to welcoming her into this world with love and kisses.

On December 23rd at 5:43 p.m., Shelby give birth to our baby girl, Stella Grace. But this didn’t happen on its own. It took several days and different methods of induction to finally bring about contractions. Stella just didn’t want to come, which made things that much more painful. The pain of dragging out the inevitable took its toll emotionally and physically. Shelby was subject to constant blood draws, blood pressure checks, and temperature monitoring. Her arms were black and blue from all of the needle sticks and IV ports. Since Shelby’s health was stable, all we could do was wait.

When the time finally came, Stella came quick. The doctor had just finished an exam, indicating that Shelby had finally dilated to 3 centimeters (they thought she needed to be at 5). The doctor and the nurse were on their way out when Shelby cried out that something was wrong. They seemed to think she was just having another contraction until her water broke and a little pair of legs poked out. As I stood there watching in a state of shock, the nurse and I helped her lay back. I held one of Shelby’s legs and the nurse the other, while the doctor started assisting in the birth, and Shelby started pushing.

As I watched, I remained calm and kept reassuring Shelby that she was doing great and that everything was going just fine. In reality, I was scared of what was about to happen, but I knew deep down that it was going to be okay. I tried to convey that trust to Shelby by smiling as she kept pushing.

It was a breach birth in which the feet and body came out first, and the umbilical cord was wrapped around Stella’s neck making her head a bit harder to come free. After some delicate coaxing, the doctor finally got the baby out. The doctor cut the cord, wrapped up the baby and put her in Shelby’s arms. I knew our little girl was either already dead, or only had a short time to live, so we just started caressing her and talking to her.

The nurse listened with her stethoscope and told us that there was a heartbeat. We just stroked her, and cried, and smiled at each other as little Stella laid on Shelby’s heart. She was tiny, only 9.8 ounces, but fully formed. She gasped for air a couple of times, which just broke our hearts more. We knew her lungs were not formed enough to actually breath, which is why they told us there was no chance of survival. She moved her tiny little arms, once to grab Shelby’s finger, and another time to put her own thumb in her mouth. She was too precious.

Our parents were all in the room and got to touch and talk to Stella as she laid on Shelby to keep warm. Another check of the heart by the nurse indicated the heartbeat was very faint. We cried and smiled and stroked her little head some more as the minutes ticked by. We took several pictures to capture the moment as best we could. Finally, at around 7:30 pm, she was pronounced dead.

At that point we requested that they do the same thing they do with living infants, so they took her weight, measurements, and footprints. They dressed her in a dress we chose from their selection and took some more pictures. We finally decided enough was enough and they took her away. I have to say that the nursing staff was so wonderful. It made a very difficult situation much easier. These women put the “care” back in “Healthcare” and I admire their level of compassion.

It was an emotionally and physically exhausting experience for us all, but especially Shelby. She did so great. She was such a wonderful mother even though she had such a short time. She made sure Stella stayed warm as best she could, and made sure she felt loved as long as she could. I only wish it could have been longer.

Shelby was finally released from the hospital on Christmas morning. Leaving the maternity ward empty handed on Christmas was a tough thing to do to say the least. The walls were covered with pictures of beautiful little babies being held by adoring parents. It was as beautiful site as it was painful.

So now we’re learning to deal with the pain of a love lost. Shelby’s pain is understandably greater since she was the vessel for this life. She loved being pregnant, feeling the tiny movements and kicks that I could never really feel. I do my best to comfort her and love her, though I can only imagine how deeply her heart aches to have Stella Grace back in her arms.

Love was brought to life that day, if for no other reason, to show us that Love is eternal.

(See the full details of Stella’s memorial service)

The Miracle of Life

2010-11-11T01:38:00.001-05:00

I am pleased to announce to the world that my wife Shelby and I are expecting. By that I mean that she’s pregnant with our first child, who has an ETA of April 17, 2011. Needless to say, this a very exciting time for both of us. A miracle is unfolding as we speak :)

To be honest, I never really had any interest in kids up until a year or two ago. Before that, I thought all of my friends were crazy for wanting them. I saw procreation as something that people were just programmed to do, and I didn’t feel that same software running in me. But, as I started realizing that the secret to life’s beauty and perfection lay in the eyes of innocence, I started paying more attention to children, especially infants, and how they view this world. That was the kindling that started the flame of interest.

When you look at a wide-eyed baby staring at everything around them for the first time ever, it can give you an appreciation for the miracle of being present only to this moment, in all its glory. They see everything without a story, without judgments. They are born free from preconceived notions and beliefs, and completely open to what life has to offer (that doesn’t necessarily mean they like everything it has to offer). Infants have no fear of gaping at other people, or doing other things that adults tend to be embarrassed by, because they are ego-less beings. Babies are like little Buddhas, staring through untainted eyes, inviting us to do the same if we are willing.

As my appreciation for infants deepened, my desire to have a baby increased as well. It was like my biological clock had finally started ticking, and my wife and I started seriously talking about having a baby for the first time in our almost 20 year relationship. It was finally time.

Once the magic stick appeared with a pink plus sign, we were both excited, but it didn’t seem real until our first real Doctor’s appointment, where we got to see a little dancing being on the computer screen. Here was this tiny little organism that would one day be a human being.

That’s when I started visualizing holding our child for the first time, staring into its all knowing eyes, while I cry tears of joy at what a beautiful miracle this Life is. How magical it is to be able to create life. It’s something I always took for granted until it dawned on me how magnificent it really is. Life has been giving birth to Life since the beginning of time, and I never really appreciated it until now. I now understand why they refer to babies as little Bundles of Joy, because that’s exactly what they are. I tear up just thinking about seeing him or her smiling for the first time :)

It may seem to go without saying, but everyone you see around you was a tiny little Bundle of Joy at one point (technically we all started as tadpoles, but that’s neither here nor there). Imagine that! Every person that you meet is still that same innocent baby all dressed up in a mask. We start weaving our identity masks at young ages, and have them well crafted by adulthood, but nothing underneath has really changed since the day we were born. If you really take a close look at a stranger or a loved one, you can see the child in them, hiding under that mask. When you set aside your own mask, and look at the world through the eyes of the child you once were (and still are), you can see the innocence of others reflected back at you. It’s almost as if our mask creates theirs.

I’m ready for little baby Boo (our nick name for him/her) to show me the way to unmasked Love, though it’s hard to imagine not breaking down into tears of joy each time I look into those eyes. As you can probably tell, I am very excited about being a father (it still sounds kinda weird to say that), and I’m glad we waited until we were older to have a child because I needed to feel this sense of gratitude in order to be the best possible parent.

I could write for hours on this subject, but let me just end by saying, “Here’s to the miracle we call Life and all the Love it has to bring.” <3

In Peace and Love,
Trey

Your Body as an Antenna

2010-10-23T22:45:00.001-05:00

Close your eyes and visualize your body as an antenna, picking up invisible waves of energy from the environment around you. Feel the vibrational frequencies permeating your body. Do you experience a tingling sensation? Listen as your ears pick up sound waves coming in from all directions. Feel those same sound waves entering your body as well. Bask in the vibrations.

Feel the aliveness in your body as it breathes in air and expels it. Feel the body where it touches the chair you are sitting in. Stay with the sensations that are constantly being felt in the body. Give your full attention to the bodily sensations.

Do you notice that the mind goes quiet as you do this? Many people say they wish there was an off switch for the mind. Well this is it. You can’t give your full attention to your bodily senses and think at the same time.

Check back in with the sensations being received by the body. The head is the part of the body that receives the most sensations, like the top of an antenna. It hears, sees, smells, tastes, as well as feels.

Close your eyes again and check in with your head, the most sensitive part of the antenna. Listen to the sounds ~ Feel the face ~ “Look” at the empty space between your ears where the brain is located. Do you feel the alive emptiness of your head? It’s quiet in there even as it takes in sounds.

Focus on that silent, empty space inside your head. Focus on the silence underneath the sounds. If thoughts interrupt this silence, focus your attention on the silence underneath the thoughts, and on the silence which exists before and after the thoughts. Does this empty space in your head have any boarders? Keep your eyes closed and notice if that empty silence actually expands beyond the space between your ears. It’s all around the body, as well as within.

With your eyes open, look around and receive the visual input of the things around you. As you look around, wonder to yourself what it is that’s looking through these eyes. Look at the words on this page as if they are nothing more than shapes. These black characters are being seen by something. What is that something? Is it that same empty space behind your eyes? Focus your attention on that space as you read the following:

Space is behind my eyes.
Emptiness is looking at these words.
Is this what I am?
These words are being experienced, rather than read.
They are being felt as they enter the body through my eyes.
One ~ word ~ at ~ a ~ time.
With eyes closed, experiencing continues.
There is only this.
Silent experiencing.

Enjoy the peace that is available simply by paying attention to the experience.
Trey

Inescapable Here

2010-09-19T17:33:00.001-05:00

I’ve always been here.
Never to be anywhere else.
I can’t get away from here.
I try to be somewhere else, but I’m still here.
I leave and yet here follows.
I’m momentarily lost. Where am I?
I’m still here I just wasn’t looking.
I can’t get out of here. I can’t escape here. I’m eternally here.

I always thought I was going somewhere.
Now I know I’ll never get there.
Here is the only place on earth, and everything happens here.
Where else would I want to be?
Where else could I be?

We’re in the same here.
Together and here.
That’s where we’ve always been.
You seem to be way over there, but you’re still here.
Even when you’re not around, you’re still here.
My here, your here, our here, only one here.

Where is here?
Here is where I am laying in bed.
Later, here is at the market.
Then, here becomes a dentist’s office.
Here seems to be changing constantly.
Here I’m sitting cross-legged, here I am standing, here I am walking.
Every moment here seems to be somewhere else, but here never really changes.

Here, present, now.
Nothing not here.
Just here.
Just this.
Only here.

Trying to Make Sense of It All

2010-09-12T09:01:00.002-05:00

Hey Guys,

For many of us, Autumn is approaching as the northern half of the planet begins to seemingly tilt away from the sun. The Fall Equinox is about a week away, and change is much more noticeable as days shorten, temperatures cool and leaves begin to fall. Change is constant, but one thing remains the same, and that reliable constancy is what most of us are all looking for in order to feel safe and secure.

I’ve written a bit about how we tend to go about finding that one constant truth a bit before, but this writing came out of a recent discussion regarding the analytical approach to truth seeking. Being a very analytical person myself, it was fairly easy to analyze the process of analysis ;)

Definitions:
Reduction - Latin - To lead back, or bring down the size, quantity, value or intensity of something

Deduction - Latin - To move away from, or infer from a general principle

Words at their very basic level are vibrations of the vocal chords that we ascribe meaning to. Each vibratory noise has a definition, typically one that has been agreed upon by those in a given society who speak a common language. If you believe in evolution, then it’s safe to say that millions of years ago words began to form as a necessary part of human survival and development. As the human species began to migrate, so did different languages. I have no idea how the evolution of languages (much less dialects) really happened, but it is certainly a fascinating area to explore.

An interesting thing about language is that most words not only have an accepted dictionary definition, but are also accompanied by a mental image. That mental image usually varies from person to person, and is unique to his or her upbringing – cultural, parental, educational, etc. From that perspective it could be said that no two people “see” anything the same way since everything we see or experience is filtered through, and interpreted by, our personal grasp of language. For example, say the word “tree” and a mental image pops up of something, whether it is a generic tree or a specific tree, its setting is going to look different from the image that comes to mind for anyone else. As far as I can tell, the same is true for most words in our language.

So, what does this mean? It means that we are all seeing the world as one big run on definition, which we tend to assume is the same as everyone else’s run on definition. Then, when we encounter someone who has a different definition of something, we think they are wrong. Why wouldn’t we? After all, we have spent our entire lives determining which definitions are true and which aren’t by using language to define the world and ourselves.

How did we determine what’s true and what’s not? How did we go about figuring out this whole ball of wax? I would suggest it’s been through a process of reduction and deduction. First, we reduce the Universe into manageable concepts. It seems too much to take in as it is, so we organize it using words and categories, which formulate the foundation of our beliefs about the world. Instead of seeing shapes and colors, we learn to see things as distinct objects with names and characteristics. This starts when we are very young as our parents introduce us to the world we inhabit, and it is absolutely necessary for our growth and survival.

As we reduce the world out there into digestible ideas, we use those ideas to learn more about how the world works, and how we fit into it. In order to do that, we make deductions based on a combination of our acquired concepts and experiences (i.e. everything we have ever said, done, read, heard, seen, etc.). We combine our definitions with our experiences, and use them to determine what the world is really about. It would seem we are hard wired to desire knowing the truth, even if it’s only a relative truth.

Therefore, we reduce the whole into parts, then deduce or infer from our knowledge of those parts in an attempt to know the whole. So what happened to the whole that we had to reduce to find out what’s true and what’s not? We stripped it of its wholeness, then rebuilt it using words that someone handed us with attached definitions, which we assumed to be accurate. It’s still whole, we’re just not seeing it that way any more. We’re stuck seeing our interpretations of it.

So, if our desire to know the truth is indeed instinctual, we go about trying to find the whole again (i.e. truth) with our filtered and diluted deductions about the world. We’ve broken it down, then built it back up, but can never completely rebuild it. It’s like a jigsaw puzzle of the Universe where pieces are missing – we are constantly running into gaps as we try to rebuild it.
When we run across an area where a piece is missing, we either fill it in by deduction (cutting a piece to fit), or just forget about it and leave it blank. But, no matter how hard we try, we’ll never get an accurate view by using what we’ve learned. That’s why it’s said that discovering the truth involves unlearning what we think we know, and a surrendering of our preconceived ideas, beliefs, and opinions.

Our ability to parse environmental data and extrapolate that information to reach certain conclusions about the inner workings of the world is a wonderful gift. The mind is a very powerful tool, and all you have to do is look around to see examples of how well it has served the evolution of the world we live in. All of the modern technology we take for granted (i.e. the wheel, indoor plumbing, electricity, atom bombs, iPods, etc.), we owe to the incredible power of the mind. But it’s important to realize that it has an equally destructive side to it that has resulted in hundreds of years of war and suffering.

However, if you look you will see that most of the mind’s energy is wasted on trivial matters: dwelling on past conversations, speculating on future encounters, wondering what others think of us, passing judgment, singing a song you can’t get out of your head, etc. Here’s a quote from Gina Lake’s book “Radical Happiness.”

“We need the mind to function, but it is also full of useless and incorrect information – conditioning – that passes as facts. We need the aspect of the mind that allows us to do mental work, but we don’t actually need the egoic mind to function. Self-realization entails a certain mastery of the mind that includes being aware of our thoughts and being able to discriminate between ones that have some truth and usefulness and ones that don’t.”

Finding the truth involves finding who we were before we “knew” everything. That’s why the present moment is the key. Without past everything becomes new again, just like when we were infants looking at this world in a state of awe. Katie Davis says it well in her book “Awake Joy” – “When you are free of past mental images, you recognize that the world is created new every moment that you become aware of it.”

That new and mysterious world is staring you in the face 24 hours a day, and has been all along. Do you want to see it for what it truly is? You have to be willing to set aside everything you hold true. Drop all of your labels and look at what’s in front of you right now.

Peace,
Trey

P.S.
Here’s a parting quote from Eckhart Tolle’s book “Stillness Speaks” – “When you perceive without interpretation, you can then sense what it is that is perceiving. The most we can say in language is that there is a field of alert stillness in which the perception happens. Through “you,” formless consciousness has become aware of itself.”

Spiritual Correctness

2010-07-30T00:14:00.002-05:00

I hope you all are doing well and enjoying the Summer heat. Enjoy it while it lasts ;)

I've been sitting on this blog post for a while now. It's created a bottle neck effect on the other ones that want to push through and be shared, so I had to get it off my chest, so to speak.

I have found myself at a bit of a crossroads lately. I’ve written quite a bit on the subject of “enlightenment” over the last few years, much of it representing where I envisioned readers to be on their own path, which has also reflected where I have been on mine. However, I have tried to avoid certain ideas that might turn some people off. As I ran across quotes and insights, each one was instantly judged based on how useful it would be for my projected audience. As time went on, I found myself revising my writing more and more to make the message more palatable for the potential readers in my mind. All of this has become much more noticeable of late, which makes me think I used to be less concerned about how my message was received than I am now.

The Internet has increased the exposure of my writing, and its potential circle of influence and exposure. The potential audience has now diversified and left me a bit uncertain as to who will be reading these words. Will it be spiritual adepts, teachers, critics, or will it be the curious and beginning seekers (which seems to be mainly who I have had in mind when I write)? Is it possible to write something that resonates with everyone? Whose needs am I trying to appeal to anyway?

Up until now, I have had a “known” audience of about 90 people on an email list comprised of friends, family, and acquaintances, plus a blog. So, I have written with many of those people in mind. Now, there are online discussion groups popping up all over for Truth seeking people and those interested in enlightenment. There are a lot of people out there, such as myself, who have a very firm grasp on the ideas surrounding enlightenment. They have it all figured out on an intellectual level, have had a few awakening experiences, and want to tell people how it is. I’m no different, but I am not one to debate another on what’s true and what’s not (at least not openly ;), but that’s what I have seen in some of these online discussion forums.

There are those people drawn to these discussion groups wanting more insights from fellow seekers or teachers. Then there are others who seem to have all the answers, while others who disagree and point out inconsistencies in what someone else has said. Ultimately they are all saying what’s true for them and disagreeing with someone else who doesn’t see things the same way. In many cases it’s a philosophical debate over semantics among egos about Oneness.

After seeing this a couple of times, I decided these groups weren’t for me. Obviously there is no harm in a friendly debate, which is what these tend to be. But if I don’t resonate with what’s being said on a deep level, then it’s just brain candy and fodder for the ego. Having said that, I have benefitted from this ego fodder because it has pointed out my own judgments I have about people, but that’s a different story.

I have found online discussion forums that are a bit more structured, which involve an actual teacher answering questions, that serves members well. A spiritual teacher who is willing to foster and facilitate online discussions is a wonderful thing. Not only is it enlightening, but it prevents endless debates from arising, and actually points readers toward what lies underneath the words.

As for me, there is nothing I can say that is actually true (except for maybe what I just said). However, I am finding myself projecting out my own insecurities, being careful not to say something that an imaginary spiritual critic might take issue with. Basically, my ego is trying to protect itself from criticism by censoring what it says. The increasing tendency to revise is how its desire for praise is manifested. This is very interesting to notice and acknowledge, so I felt compelled to share it.

Of course, this idea filtering has been going on all along, I just happen to be noticing it more and more these days. Much of what I have written has been written with specific people (or types of people) in mind, and my perception of how my message would be received by those people based on my story of them. I have avoided using many terms and phrases that I thought might alienate those with only a mild curiosity, or those who still have firm beliefs. I would prefer to tone it down a bit rather than cause a mind to close down by stepping on a sacred cow (so to speak).

My intention has always been to spark interest in those who have accepted simply being content with life, rather than search for that unadulterated joy that’s at their fingertips. That joy is what we are all searching for, and I want everyone to know that it is attainable at this very moment. This is something that everyone should know.

Now that I am becoming connected with more and more people via Facebook, I am feeling a bit more pressured to watch what I say. There is great potential here to reach hundreds of people with tiny bits of wisdom that might resonate with someone who had no interest in the idea of enlightenment before. I think the key is not to make broad sweeping statements as an authority figure (i.e. “This is how it is.”), but instead scatter ideas or questions that might spark interest.

It’s yet another example of how I have been living my life. I find my actions governed by what I think “so and so” will think about such actions or words. It’s been that way all along and I’m seeing it for what it is more clearly now – protection of the ego. At this point I feel it’s time to be a bit more free with my words, with less concern about how the imagined world perceives them to be. I can learn more about myself by seeing the “me” in “you” anyway ;)

Peace,
Trey

A Dream Come True

2010-02-06T23:52:00.002-05:00

Here's something I invite you to ponder.

What if this moment was what you had been hoping and praying for all of your life? No matter what you are doing, whether it be taxes or walking the dog or looking at a computer screen, imagine what it would be like if this was your dream come true. Don’t get hung up on the skeptical thoughts, just feel what it feels like to have your hopes and prayers finally be answered. What does that feel like? Experience it fully and deeply – This is it! I finally made it! It’s what I have always needed! Allow yourself to smile :-)

Pause to feel it........

I suggest you do this periodically throughout the day. When you are feeling a bit bored or frustrated, stop and imagine that you have finally achieved your life’s purpose. Sit with the feeling for a minute – This negative situation is actually what I have always wanted, but I decided to call it negative for some reason. This situation is the perfection I’ve been seeking all of my life. My life is now completely fulfilled.

Notice how the mind says, “Yes, but I don’t want this. This is a lie.” It may think what you’re experiencing is painful, or wrong, or mundane, but what if your mind is actually what’s wrong? See what happens if you ignore your doubts and concentrate on the feeling of, “Yes! This is what I have always wanted! My whole life has led up to this incredible moment!” Remember to smile and breath a sigh of relief. Laugh if you feel like it :-D

Pause to feel it........

That feeling you feel of fulfillment and joy and peace is actually available to you at anytime. What brings it about is not the situation, but the acceptance of the situation as being the necessary unraveling of your life situation. This peace sets in when you finally give up your desire to be at peace. You are always at peace, but you’re too busy searching for it to notice.

When the seeking subsides, peace and joy can finally shine through. This is actually your true nature, and you can experience it every moment of everyday if you are open to it. All you have to do is realize that all of your dreams have come true. As you do this more and more, the gratitude that comes from that realization will begin to creep into your daily routine because it wants to be free. It wants you to notice. It wants you to realize the joy that you already are, and have always been.

In gratitude,
Trey

Why Ask Why?

2010-01-31T12:06:00.001-05:00

Over the past few years (since around 2006 or so), I have been in an off and on state of mentally describing my discoveries on the topic of enlightenment, or awakening, or self-realization, or whatever word turns you on the most. I have found that as I begin to see through the illusory nature of the world, I begin to mentally talk about it. The mental movement comes from the idea or feeling that “This must be shared,” which is something I’m sure I’ve shared with you before.

This compulsion to share can be frustrating if looked as a mental distraction that perpetuates the ego, or it can be seen as a gift in disguise. Something has been driving me, to share these things with everyone I know. Mental notes to describe insights happen anyway, so why not just accept it and share them? They obviously want to be shared.

On some level, this sharing has been my life’s purpose for some time now. However, I’m not really the one doing the sharing and they’re not really my words. I am a pawn in the game of life being used to help other pawns realize their true nature. But that’s easy to loose sight of when you are still grappling with ego, and so the story of being the doer continues.

Recently it occurred to me that my desire to share insights with others might actually be a veiled form of resistence, or a desire for things to be different from the way they are. My desire would be for “my” words to intensify “your” desire to awaken. “I” desire for “you” to be different from the way “you” are (i.e. more enlightened). However, by doing The Work on this idea it becomes obvious that it’s actually “me” that I want to be different. After all, “you” are a mirror of what’s going on in “me” and are reflecting my own non-acceptance of who I am.

From that perspective there seems to be two movements going on – there is the desire for you/me to be different, as well as a compulsion to share things that might make a difference. Which comes first? Is it possible that the compulsion is always happening and that I am imposing the idea that it might be happening out of a desire for change? Or, do I want change so badly that I am driven to pass on pertinent information in hopes of bringing about that change? Are they really separate? Does it matter? Either way Life is living me and this mental dialogue is another way in which the mind likes to do what it does best – analyze the hell out of things.

I can spend my time trying to find answers, or I can spend my time trying to find the truth. The truth is that which has no answers. The truth is that which can’t be put into words. It’s the desireless state of full acceptance of what is. It’s unconditional love. What’s going on in our lives is exactly what needs to be going on in our lives. The life situation is an ongoing invitation for us to wake up out of the dream of being trapped inside a body with all of the problems that go with being trapped inside a body. Acceptance, not analysis, is key to self-realization.

With the idea in mind that everything happens a reason, there is a natural tendency to look at things that happen and search for specifics as to what it is life is actually trying to tell me. The situation can be looked at under a microscope for traces of answers that will satisfy the mind, or simply accepted as part of the play of life. So, why ask why, when you can ask who am I?

Peace,
Trey

It All Starts With Mindfulness

2009-12-26T22:14:00.001-05:00

I took a bit of a break from writing between March and November. I felt a need to wind down a bit. That’s due in part to a feeling of, “What more is there to say?” Anything I said would just be a repeat of something that’s already been said. But I have benefitted greatly from re-reading the same thing at a later date, as well as reading the same thing stated a different way. Plus, technically there is nothing “new” about anything I’ve said so far. So, I decided to start putting ideas on digital paper again and ended up at the beginning again – mindfulness.

If you want to live a better life, filled with less stress and anxiety, it’s really quite simple. It all begins with mindfulness. The ability to notice what’s going on in the mind and body is crucial, and also takes practice. We can’t really control our thoughts because they have a mind of their own (no pun intended). What we can do is take a step back from our thoughts and witness their redundant, incessant, and often trivial activities.

Anyone can notice what thoughts they are thinking at any moment in time just by “looking.” One way to start out might be to deliberately think thoughts, or mentally recite something while you watch the thoughts happen. There are your thoughts, and here you are, witnessing them. I recommend you do this as often as possible with your everyday thoughts since mindfulness creates a solid foundation for a better life.

If you want to take mindfulness to the next level, you can “look” at who or what is witnessing these thoughts. “Who am I,” is the basic question to ask over and over again, while continuing to direct your attention toward the witness behind your thoughts. However, that is a topic for another discussion, and I think most people start out just practicing mindfulness on a more personal level, focusing attention on their life situation.

On that more personal level of mindfulness, you can really learn a lot about yourself when you watch how you think in different situations. I have found it immensely helpful to have read books by Eckhart Tolle and Byron Katie because they have helped point out specific repetitive thought structures that most of us have going all the time, as well as their adverse affect on our state of being. In fact, I wouldn’t even know that these thoughts were going on, much less that they were at the root of my problems, had it not been for these great teachers. Simply knowing that thoughts prevent us from seeing the beauty all around is an idea that encourages us to get out of our heads and to wake up.

There are a few basic kernels of wisdom that I have found helpful to keep in mind while being mindful. I am not my thoughts. I can’t control my thoughts, but I can observe them. My thoughts only represent my past conditioning. When I feel worried, I realize that I am mentally living in an imagined future. Life is my mirror, and when I think negatively of another, it is actually me I am thinking negatively of. I forgive easily and forget quickly.

If someone lashes out at me, rather than react, I try to notice what thoughts or emotions are triggered. In most cases, no reaction is better than any action at all. I recognize that I am not the cause of their upset, nor they of mine. Past conditioning and mental stories are the actual culprits. When I do notice resentment, I bring myself back to the present moment, realizing that, in reality, the past never really happened. I am the only one keeping it alive with my thoughts. Plus, since no two people see anything the same way, the past I’m feeding is completely different from that of another.

Feelings of conflict or stress can serve as a reminder to notice what thoughts are doing to me. Since negativity always stems from some sort of judgment, it helps to mentally do The Work (by Byron Katie) throughout the day. When I find myself lost in compulsive and repetitive thought, I notice the frustration that can cause, then try to bring attention back to what I am doing at this moment and give it my full attention.

The thing I’ve noticed about being mindful, and the knowledge I’ve gained from looking at my reactive nature, is that the movement of mind is very subtle. My ability to notice when I feel defensive has improved dramatically, and there is much less stress and conflict in my life. But, this can make it more disturbing when conflict does occur. A feeling of frustration or disappointment is often present after a stressful moment has occurred. A feeling is like a hidden thought that is not in words but felt in the body, and is sometimes more difficult to notice. If investigated, I find that this negative feeling might stem from thoughts like: “I should know better,” or “ When will I realize that my thoughts just a result of past conditioning?” or “ Why can’t I recognize that I am the only cause of conflict in my life?” or “ When will I be free of compulsive thinking?”

All of these questions are simply forms of self-judgment that can carry us away into a story of lack and insufficiency if left unchecked. It helps me when I notice these thoughts or feelings of self-judgment to remember the necessity of all things. For example, it is necessary for me to feel or experience such thoughts in order to point out hidden pockets of resistance. It is my challenge to be made aware of my resistance to what is, then accept what is (even if I am accepting my own lack of acceptance). What I experience is what I need to experience, even if it doesn’t feel all that pleasant. Accepting one’s own failure to live up to some mind created standard is a practice that grows easier with continuous self-observation. As a result, failure is seen as success in spotting the falseness of the mind created standard.

This is all part of a gradual Awakening. Life just gets better as we release old habits and ways of thinking. The past we drag around with us seems to get heavier as we go, but it has always been heavy. We are just starting to realize just how heavy it really is. Mindfulness is at the root of lightening the load.

Peace,
Trey

Happy Thanksgiving

2009-11-25T03:43:00.001-05:00

I hope you all are enjoying the change of the seasons. As the leaves fall, the sky gets larger, the nights grow longer. The stars seem brighter and more prevalent, and the outside world becomes more still as the birds and insects disappear. An exciting change is in the air.

Thanksgiving is also upon us. This is one of my favorite holidays because it serves as a reminder to look at all there is to be grateful for. I am grateful for my family and friends, for their love and support. I am grateful that I have come to see how much love there is in the simplest act. I am grateful for this beautiful planet we inhabit. I am grateful for technology that has enabled me to connect with so many people from my past and present.

At the most basic level, I am grateful that I exist. What a miraculous gift! How is it even possible to express enough gratitude for my pure existence? I am also grateful for all of the great teachings that have come into my life, which have led me to appreciate all there is. Everywhere I look I can see things to be grateful for – if I look close enough. I would like to encourage all of you to look at all of the little things there are to be grateful for as well.

Many of us have mixed feelings about coming together with friends and family over the holidays. Some are eager to reunite, and some are a bit reluctant (or a combination of both). It can be a time of stress when it comes to preparations that need to be made. We want everything to be just right. We love it when things go our way. But things don’t always go the way we want, which causes stress. I encourage you to recognize when this happens and be grateful that things are always going exactly the way they are supposed to, whether it coincides with our plans or not. Gratitude is the greatest stress reliever.

If the casserole gets burned, or the turkey gets overcooked, or someone forgets to bring dessert, be grateful. Things have gone exactly as they are supposed to and you’ve been given a great opportunity to realize and appreciate that. If disagreements happen among family members over politics or other family matters, another opportunity for growth has arisen. Once you realize that life could be no other way than it is right now, true forgiveness can occur. When we forgive, gratitude is a natural byproduct. This gratitude stems from not having to bear the heavy burden of resentment and anger. If we recognize that we are acting out of anger or frustration, we can then forgive ourselves and experience the gratitude of being forgiven.

As I was writing this, an Eckhart Tolle quote crossed my path. “Forgiveness happens naturally once you realize that your grievance serves no purpose except to strengthen a false sense of self (ego). Forgiveness is to offer no resistance to life – to allow life to live through you. The alternatives are pain and suffering, a greatly restricted flow of life energy, and in many cases physical disease.”

To truly forgive is to rid yourself of the burdensome weight of the past. Holding on to the past – whether that be 5 minutes ago or 5 years ago – will only lead to more suffering. To forgive and forget is to bring attention back to the only moment we will ever have: Now. Be thankful for Now by recognizing it as the one thing that matters.

Happy Thanksgiving,
Trey

Powerful Pointers

2009-03-11T22:32:00.002-05:00

Ever since I discovered the idea of enlightenment a couple of years ago, I have felt compelled to find out as much as I could about it. I have been a researcher of sorts, taking in all of these things compiling them, sharing them with others, etc. My intellectual comprehension has continued to deepen, as has my experiential understanding. What I have found quite useful is reading certain things that resonate with me multiple times. I have found that I am not always present enough to hear what is being said the first time. In effect, I may not be ready to hear this now, but may be later. The other benefit to continuing to read about such things is that it serves as a constant reminder to look deeper. Otherwise, you read a book about enlightenment and say, “Well, that’s interesting,” and then leave it at that.

However, it seems to be that we all want the same thing: a sense of peace that is not determined or affected by what the world throws at us. We all want to be happy. So, it seems in order for us to do that, we have to be able to be completely at peace with who we are. How can we be happy when we are playing a role, trying to please others? Why can’t we just be ourselves and not care about pleasing others? What if being ourselves is all it takes to please others? Then we must first recognize who we truly are beyond the roles we have played all of our lives.

Along my personal journey, I have picked up various pointers that have resonated with me. Pointers are wonderful tools that help guide the mind toward what we truly are. We, in effect, use this mind to search for ourselves, but can’t rely on it to understand what we are looking for. Intellectual understanding is great, and I think is a necessary part of finding yourself, but eventually those mental concepts become a hindrance and have to be put aside to make room for the actual experience of what is true.

The pointers I have provided below have helped me bring about the experience of understanding rather than the mental movement of understanding (though both seem to happen). I invite you to experiment with them on your own to see what happens. Try sitting with one pointer, or one sentence of a pointer for a while rather than just give it all a once over and forget about it. You may find that some of them work some of the time and not at others, but I recommend try them all over and over. It might be helpful for you to copy and paste them into a document you can print out for future use, or write some on post it notes to place around as reminders.

Lately I’ve found that the most simple, yet profound, pointers are those that just tell you to look at yourself. In fact, according to John Sherman, if you simply look at yourself as often as you think of it, you are guaranteed to find what you are looking for, which is what you have always been and didn’t realize it ;)

Pointers:

When needless thoughts arise and you notice them, turn them into gibberish or replace them with blah blah blah. Witness the thoughts as they turn into meaninglessness and disappear into silence.

What’s more real, the thoughts in my head, or the fact that I am here? Check in and see.

Simply look at yourself. Not in the mirror. Just look at yourself. Ask yourself, “Who am I?” and follow your attention inward, as if your point of focus has rotated 180 degrees.

Look at who you think you are. Look at your mind made image of yourself, how you see yourself, how you think others see you. What is really there?

Point your finger around at different objects, looking at what it points at along the way. Then point the finger at your own face. Look at what it is pointing at.

Who or what is looking through my eyes? Close your eyes and “look” (or focus your attention) at what’s right behind your eyes.

Focus your attention on your inner body. Feel the life underneath your skin. Feel your breath.

Be still and notice the stillness around you. Listen to the silence underneath the noises you hear.

Focus on the empty space around you. Look around and become aware of the space that encompasses everything.

Think about this: Nothing ever happened. Everything in the past is just your imagination.

There is just this. Just what is in front of you at this moment. The only thing that really exists is just this, only this. Right here, right now.

Look at things for the first time, as if you had never seen them before. Drop your stories and labels and just look through the eyes that don’t know anything. What was it before you knew what it was?

Let it (everything) be, just as it is. Look at the simple isness of it. See it only for what it is. It is simply here, just here, in your presence, and you are aware of it being present.

Look at your hands as they manipulate things. Watch them as they move around with their own innate intelligence. You don’t need to control them, they know what they’re doing. What will they do next? Just witness.

You are not the doer. See what it’s like when you stop pretending to be in control. Just let the body lead the way and see where it takes you.

I am ALWAYS right here. I am, and always have been, aware of my own existence, my here-ness. I am never not aware that I exist. In every circumstance, I am always aware of the space that I am in. The one constant, never changing fact is that I am aware of myself. I am totally conscious (aware) of being here (present) where ever I am. I see that I exist even when I am unaware that I am aware. “I am” even when I don’t know “I am.”

Look at a past memory. What was it that was there witnessing it? What hasn’t changed since then? What has always been there, where every you have been, what ever you have done? You. Your simple “you-ness” has always been present at any given point in your life. Quietly watching your life unfold.

What if this same witnessing presence that looks through your eyes is the same witnessing presence that is looking through everyone else’s eyes? Look around at others as if your witnessing presence is actually the same presence looking through their eyes. In effect, take your awareness and wrap it around behind the eyes of others. The only difference is your outward appearance and your past experiences. You may have different thoughts, but that which is always here for us (our witnessing presence) is the same for all of us.

If I’m asked, “Are you enlightened yet?” I would say, “Yes. I always have been. I just haven’t fully realized it yet.”

Driving (or walking) Meditation:
As you drive down the road (highways and byways where there is not stop and go traffic is best), focus your eyes a slight bit higher, or lower, or to the left or right of where you would typically look. As you do so, open up your field of vision so that you are focusing not just on what is in front of you, but also what is in your peripheral vision. Expand your view so that you are taking in more of the scenery all around rather than just what is right in front of you. Experiment by looking around at different points in front of you (i.e. a little to the left of center, a little above center, etc.). As you do so, remain aware of your peripheral vision. You can simultaneously be aware of what is in front of you and what is all around you. You can enjoy looking at the sky as you drive down the road just with a slight shift in your perspective. Even the lines painted on the road are more alive when they are noticed. Take it all in. Be aware of it.

As you do this, notice if you feel any tension in your body. Relax into it by taking a smiling breath. This is life. It’s always all around you even when you don’t notice. Don’t be afraid to look around when you drive. You don’t even have to turn your head to do it. Surrender to the fact that you don’t have any control over your fate when you get in a car (or in any other circumstance for that matter). There’s nothing to fear if life is giving you everything you need to experience to bring about your own fulfillment. In short, you’re not driving, you’re being driven. Since we’re all on a hunk of rock that’s spinning a thousand miles per hour and hurtling through space at half a million miles per hour, why not sit back and enjoy the ride?

25 Things

2009-03-10T23:31:00.000-05:00

An interesting little Facebook note came my way asking me to write 25 things about myself and pass it on. I felt that it was an opportunity to share some teachings with people who might never have been exposed to such ideas. It’s mostly a summary of things I have picked up from Eckhart Tolle and Byron Katie. So, here is what I originally wrote (I later went back and made it more of an autobiographical note as the instructions suggested). I will take these ideas to a deeper level in my next post.

1. I like collecting seeds of wisdom and sowing them around the world in an attempt to make it a happier, greener place to live. Take only that which resonates with you and forget the rest.
2. You are not the thinker. Your thoughts are not who you are
3. You are totally at the mercy of life. You don’t live life, it lives you.
4. Believing your thoughts eventually leads to suffering (i.e. boredom, discontentment, complaining, frustration, anger, etc.)
5. Let everything be just as it is, without mental labels
6. Now is all there ever is. Everything happens, and has happened, in the present moment. You are, and always will be, present.
7. Your thoughts create a veil of stories and labels that prevent you from seeing what life truly is
8. Give your fullest attention to what you are doing right now as often as you can
9. Pay attention to the feeling of your inner body, or your breathing, as often as you can
10. Listen to the voice in your head as it talks about everything around you. Know that those thoughts are simply part of your past conditioning and are not who you are. Do not judge yourself for having them. Just notice.
11. Who are you really? If you set aside your mind made identity, what’s left?
12. Everything you have ever experienced was necessary to bring you to where you are now, which is exactly where you are meant to be.
13. Who would you be without your story, without your name, without your history?
14. Look at where your hands are right now. Look at how you are sitting. Did you plan that or was it just a happening?
15. There is my business, their business, and God’s (reality’s) business. If you are in someone else’s business you are not living your life.
16. All of your judgements toward others are actually about you. When you judge someone, look to see if you can find an element of that judgement living within yourself.
17. Everyone, including you, is doing the best they can given their present state of consciousness. If you had lived their life, you would be acting in the same way they are.
18. All war, on a personal and collective level, stems from believing your thoughts to be true
19. What is, is. You can argue with it or accept it.
20. If you can witness your thoughts, then you are obviously not your thoughts. You are actually the witnessing presence behind those thoughts.
21. Pay attention to the empty space that contains all things.
22. Pay attention to the silence underneath the sounds, the silence between words or thoughts.
23. Look at the things in this world as if it was the first time you had ever seen them, as if you had no previous knowledge of what they were. What was it before you knew what it was?
24. Ask yourself “Who am I?” and direct your attention inward. Don’t look for and answer with the mind, just focus your attention at the source of the question. Who is it that asks the question?
25. The story of who you think you are is what prevents you from seeing your true nature as consciousness itself. Awareness is who you are. You have never not been aware.

Martin Luther King Day

2009-01-19T18:38:00.001-05:00

I would like to wish you all a happy and joyous Martin Luther King day. WNCW played his "I have a dream" speech on the radio earlier, and I was moved to tears. The presence and passion that this man exuded shaped this country in ways one could only imagine. His fearless fight for unity and justice through peaceful means served as an example of what life is truly about: Love.

Our nation has come so far in the last 40 years, due in great part to Dr. King and his connection with God. Now, his dream for this nation is taking a giant leap that could not have been imagined possible just a few decades earlier. Tomorrow, for the first time in history, a black man will be appointed President of the United States of America. These are truly historic times.

This, too, is why we are all here. We are that change. We are that unity. We are that love. We are that fearlessness. We are that God. We are here to awaken to the truth of who we are, and bring about the same unimaginable change that will save the world, even if we have to die to do it.

In the meantime, feel that gratitude that has allowed us to be alive at this moment, to be present as witnesses to what love can do to change the world.

In peace,
Trey

Let it Be

2009-01-04T18:16:00.001-05:00

Hello all,
I hope your new year is off to a great start and feel certain that this will be your year to shine. I wanted to pass this note on to those of you you might find it helpful in some way. Be well.

This could be considered a follow up to my previous post (And the Story Goes On), but I am beginning to fully realize, on an experiential level, the profound simplicity of the words, “Let everything be as it is.” This is something repeated by Eckhart Tolle and is also referred to as “accepting what is,” or accepting the “isness” of the present moment. I knew what it meant intellectually, and have been heeding this advice for a while now, but just recently experienced the meaning of the words more deeply. Despite the seeming redundant nature of this realization (based on previous experiences), I am slowly internalizing these pointers for what they are, due in part to continuous and repeated exposure.

In this particular case I was peeing in the toilet and as I looked down I dropped the story of what a toilet was and looked at it from the present moment perspective, as if I had no past reference to tell me what a toilet was. I just let it be as it was. As I did so the pure simplicity of its isness shined through. It had no name, no story, it just was present. I became simultaneously aware of the one looking at the toilet and thoughts subsided. The toilet was still a toilet, but I just let it be completely as it was, in its natural state of nothingness, as in no name or description. It was simply a never seen before object. It was just a presence, or something here, now. (BTW - I was still able to close the lid, flush, wash my hands, etc., but those actions took place without my needing to do anything, and I was able to just enjoy witnessing each step happen.)

It seems so simple to just let something be as it is, dropping the story and just accepting what is present as an indescribably mystery, as nothingness. That is, in essence, what it is. The word essence is one of those terms I had a mental image of, which meant I was missing the literal meaning of it. Essence for me conjured up the idea of some luminous core. But in simple terms, essence is just the simple or basic substance of something (you might want to look it up in a dictionary).

A toilet is, in essence, a molded ceramic object. But it becomes even more simple than that when viewed from a present moment perspective. It is, in essence, just some nameless thing with a certain shape and texture. But at the deepest level, when you are so present you have no past reference at all, it just is.

This slight shift in perspective is what it all seems to be about. Take any object and look at it. Remove the idea you have in your head about what it is. Look at it as if you have never seen it before. What is it? If it has no name, no known purpose, no labels, what is it you are looking at? What is it, in essence (or on the most basic level), that you have in front of you? Let it be there, just as it is, nothing more, without trying to figure it out or describe it.

For me, what “it” is becomes much more clear. It takes on a richer texture, a new vividness, and an aliveness all its own. Then, it can’t even be said to be an object, because what is an object? It just is. It is just as it is. Nothing more, nothing less. The innate beauty is available for viewing and experiencing when thoughts are removed from the equation. Thoughts about “it” cloud the simple isness of what it is. Its presence (or here-ness) is all there really is to it, but it is a wonderful thing to see.

Taking all of these terms and pointers in a more literal sense cleared things up for me. However, I have to say that becoming fully present is still not easy for me to do very often (sometimes it’s easier than others). It takes a willingness, or one could say a determination, to see what is for what it is. The mind likes to step in and describe or instruct, but thoughts too can be viewed in this same simple way. They are present and can be viewed as what is in this moment, especially when you view them from the perspective of not being “your” thoughts, or not taking them personally. This creates some space between You (the witness of the thoughts) and your thoughts, which makes them less likely to suck you in.

In short, you can change your perspective and change the world.
In peace,
Trey