All I know is that on Thursday May 10th at 7pm, I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

And it felt damn good.

I was lucky enough to take part in something far bigger than my little story.

It was the collective heart of motherhood. And for a brief moment in time, I had the privilege of being witness to its beauty. In all its imperfect, messy, hilarious, and heartbreaking glory.

These are the stories, the heart of motherhood…

Head-over-heels in love with your rambunctious, daring, and defiant toddler.

Mothering and carrying on after a devastating miscarriage. Because to a toddler? It’s still Christmas.

Your tot’s broken bone that happened on “your” watch, forcing you to eat your own words and move past the inevitable guilt.

Struggling with crippling depression and knowing that taking your daily “happy pill” is more than a matter of choice, it’s your duty as mom to two young girls.

Not wanting to become your parents, but becoming them in spite of yourself when faced with explaining the why, what, and how of lesbian grandmothers to your daughter.

The heartbreak of failing at breastfeeding and overcoming that guilt and shame.

Saying good-bye to your teenage son as he boards that plane. For the first time. You, fighting back tears, quietly wondering what if I never see him again?

Then, there’s the hope, the need that one day you’d find that long anticipated letter meant just for you. Words from your own mother who passed away when you were just a child yourself.

Lamenting the day you told your college bound daughter to call whenever you need me. Then realize, that texting may just be the solution you need to get off that roller coaster ride.

Looking back through the lens of your own trials of motherhood and discovering how amazing, strong, and inspirational your mother truly is. Not the completely embarrassing one your teenage self had her pegged for.

Living in the actual mother ‘hood’ and being raised by all your “Mamas” has taught you many things. The most important one? Not to let anyone change who you are.

You might think everyone else does it all. But in reality, we’re all doing it. Living our lives. It’s messy, chaotic, and beautiful all at once.

These are the stories of motherhood that were laid bare that night.

Told with strength, courage, and a raw sense of humor.

The vulnerability was palpable.

Thanks to these two women, Kim Thompson-Steel and Kirsten Patel, this collective heart of  motherhood was on full display that night in San Francisco.

And my god, it was the absolute perfect antidote to all this TIME magazine cover non-sense.

Because the heart of motherhood? Has no time for sensationalism or judging. It’s too busy laughing, crying, and sometimes cursing during this incredible journey that is motherhood.

So, I’m here which means I survived Screen-Free week. As expected, I had the hardest time with it; my family handled it wonderfully though. And, yes, we put Big Brother and Little Sister to work. Thankfully, at 7 and 4, they still enjoy a little work in the yard.

Here’s the lowdown on what went on while unplugged…the good, the bad, and the eye-opening.

The Good

The kids were awesome. Honestly, they surprised us. We never once heard the dreaded, “I’m bored” or “we don’t know what to do”. They made it really easy on us and (gasp) found other things to do besides play on the iPad or watch one of their favorite shows.

Sure…most of our down time looked like this…

And the house seemed to be in a constant state of disarray, but whatever.

They read, played games, did crafts, played catch in the backyard, and amused us with their sibling antics.

The Bad

I went through Facebook and Twitter withdrawls. It was SOOO hard not to scan my feeds and see what was going on. Day one sort of killed me…but then it got better. I felt free from that constant pull.

I locked myself out of the house on Friday. I kind of blame Screen-Free Week. My mind was so relaxed, calm, and uncluttered…I sauntered out of the house, locking the garage door behind me…without my keys. What a fiasco that was. Good thing for great friends willing to pick your kids up from school in a pinch and a husband who promptly dropped everything to get home before I called a locksmith.

Oh, and thank god for my iPhone. My little hand-held screen came to my rescue. Ironic, really.

And then Saturday came around. The week was so busy with school, work, and afterschool activities, that we hardly missed our screens anyway. Saturday was another screen-free story. Big Brother had an early baseball game and Little Sister had swimming lessons. We were home by lunchtime and we were beat. I didn’t want to entertain and the kids were clearly wiped out but no way were they going to take a nap.

I caved. I called it their reward for doing so darn good during Screen-Free Week…movie night for everyone! It was awesome and relaxing. Still, I feel a little guilty that their reward was really code for “my reward” and “I’m just too tired to do anything else”.

The eye-opening

We had really been relying on various screens to get us through our days. I would routinely put on one of my kids’ favorite shows upon returning from work and school pick-up. I felt like it helped me and them to decompress and not immediately start in with the whining.

But you know what? There was less whining and less agitation this whole week. They found other ways to relax and unwind and I think they felt better connected to me because I wasn’t somewhere else on my computer. The various screens were definitely coming between us, I can see that now.

I was calmer and got more sleep. Enough said, right?

Moderation is still key. Saturday’s drawback reminded me that there are times when relaxing with a great movie is just plain awesome.

Changes we’re making

No TV or any other screen in the morning. We have enough trouble getting everyone out the door on time. I noticed a much calmer morning routine; and not having to remind Big Brother to get off the iPad and get dressed was really good for my sanity.

No screens in the car. Without the iPad or DSi for Big Brother and iPhone for Little Sister, our drives have been much nicer. Like they were before we introduced these portable screens. They actually look out the window and gawk at the passing train. Sure, we’re back to a million questions I don’t necessarily know how to answer…but I’ll take it! Long car rides are of course, the exception.

No more than 30 minutes of screen time on weeknights. They just don’t need it and bedtime has been so much better without it.

For me, no lingering on social media until my work (doctoring, writing, mothering, etc) is done. Which means until after the kids go to bed. This will be a challenge. But definitely a worthwhile one.

All in all, Screen-Free Week was a success. We may have broken a rule on Saturday, but sometimes…rules are meant to be broken, right? As a family, we are more in tune with each other and realize we may have been relying on our screens a little too much. What I love is that Big Brother and Little Sister genuinely seem proud that they accomplished this screen-free mission with us.

It brought us closer.

And that’s always good in my book.

Who else went Screen-Free last week? What surprised you the most about it? Ever thought about cutting back on your screen time?

So please, no need to start throwing your virtual pies at me.

But…I do have some fantastic news to share, I’ve been dying to share my latest writing project with you. Now…I finally can, in a muted fashion anyway. This long anticipated launch just so happens to coincide with my week of insanity going screen free. Not to worry, I’ll be screaming it from all social media rooftops next Monday!

So, without further ado…I’m so thrilled to announce I’ll be writing a weekly Dr. Mom on call column for the fabulous new site, allParenting. This new site for moms comes from the publishers of She Knows and aims to provide moms with everything they need to build and keep a healthy, happy, and well-rounded family life.

Go see for yourself how wonderful this site truly is. There are so many amazing writers working hard to provide you with current and relevant content that you care about. I’m truly grateful to be part of this fabulous team. While you’re there take a look at my piece on how to decode your child’s growth chart or why the kissing disease is more common in teens.

I’d love to hear what you think and let me know if you have any topics you’d like me to cover in my upcoming columns.

As for being day 3 into my media fast, please continue sending your positive thoughts and well wishes, we’ve still got 4 more days to go!

Signed,

Unplugged and wondering why.

No…this will be good.

It will be good.

I hope.

I’ve prepped the kids. They’ve had plenty of forewarning. No electronics, no TV, no computer. Just us.

I’ve asked them what they think we should do and apparently they have plans…

We’ll be playing endless rounds of Ring Around the Rosie, according to Little Sister.

Big Brother has his sight set on building a crystal tower. I don’t even want to know what that entails.

At any rate, this will no doubt be a challenge.

Don’t worry, I’ll be taking copious notes and will regale you with our triumphs and horrifying pitfalls upon my return.

Wish us much luck. Quite honestly, I think I’m the one who will take this the hardest.

I’ll be back the week of May 7th.

Here’s to unplugging for a while…have a wonderful week!

Don’t get me wrong, symptoms are important to recognize and investigate; but we also must take a step back from time to time and look at the big picture. From how much sleep your child gets to how much time she spends looking at screens (TV, computer, iPads, iPhones, etc), the big picture matters.

It matters a whole lot.

So, here are my 7 tips to maximize your child’s health:

1. Family Dinner: I’m a huge fan of the family dinner, for so many reasons. It’s the time of day everyone can slow down, sit together, and enjoy a meal. Realistically, I know that weeknights are rushed. From work to baseball games, swimming lessons, and dance classes…getting home in time to prepare a family meal and eat together can be challenging. So, it doesn’t necessarily have to be dinner. Any meal you can all gather for is great.

Use this time to talk, discuss playground politics, what art projects were made that day, and tell your kids about your day too! Got toddlers? I love this post about toddlers and mealtimes. I remember the days when the kids just had to eat by 5 pm…or else! Thank goodness, I’ve got some leeway now and I can usually hold everyone off until about 6.

Making family meals a ritual will increase connectedness to your kids. Sure, it may feel like pulling teeth sometimes just to get them to talk about their day; but don’t give up. Kids, teens, and adults alike will thrive on this family time. Plus, this is the opportunity to talk about and model healthy eating. Discuss with your children the value of eating a variety of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. Make any screens absolutely off limits at the dinner table.

2.  Get outside: Get the family outside everyday. Kids need and thrive in nature. They also need one hour of heart-pumping physical activity per day. So, grab those bikes and helmets and just go. Being outdoors is really therapeutic. For everyone. So whether it’s an after dinner walk or a mid-day park session, make it a priority. I can’t tell you how much the outdoors has saved my sanity when I had a fussy baby, whiny toddler, or when I myself was particularly grumpy. An instant mood lifter indeed.

3.  Don’t smoke: Exposure to second-hand smoke has real health consequences for children. From recurrent ear infections to triggering asthma attacks, second-hand smoke is neither good for you or your kids.

4. Vaccinate: Receiving the recommended vaccines for your children is the cornerstone of preventative health in pediatrics. With recent Measles and Whooping Cough outbreaks, we know how important vaccines are in preventing potentially serious diseases. Make sure your child is up-to-date and that includes your teens and yourself. It’s so important to discuss any concerns or questions you  may have with your child’s doctor. Work together and keep the lines of communication open. I love this Q&A regarding the current vaccine schedule and timing of vaccines.

5. Limit screen time: Television isn’t the only screen we have to monitor these days. It is extremely important to keep total screen time to less than 2 hours per day for your children. Do your best to have a no screen policy for the under two set. Know where your teens are online, because they are online…so you should be too. See this recent study on background TV and aim to just keep it off when no one is watching.

Have a “no screens” in the bedroom or at the dinner table rule. This includes phones, iPads, and handheld gaming devices.

Our family is definitely struggling with trying to find that balance. We all love our different media. I often set timers to remind everyone when it’s time to move on to another activity. Plus, we’re going Screen Free next week. Hold me.

6. Sleep matters: If you are able to put one thing at the top of your parenting to-do list, this should be it…get your kids to bed on time and make sure they’re getting the rest they need. Of course, this goes for us parents too. Sleep deprivation has long lasting and detrimental health effects on children and adults alike. From decreased attention to weight gain, getting the right quality and quantity of sleep matters. See this post on the interlink between sleep disruption and ADHD.

So please, create consistent and calming nap and bedtime routines…from babyhood through teenhood. These good sleep habits will have huge positive impacts on your child’s physical and emotional health.

7. Time for you: No doubt you’ve heard this countless times before…but make time for you. Whether it’s 20 minutes on the elliptical or a 20 minute coffee break with a good book or a good friend, your health matters too. Find something everyday that brings you joy and satisfaction and make it a habit. Your family will be gifted with a happier and well-rested Mama.

So, there you have it…my big picture of children’s health. Things you don’t need a prescription for; but if you can incorporate them into your daily routine, they will pay off big time. And, don’t worry…some days I only accomplish 50% of this list, some days I reach 100%. Remember, it’s all about the big picture.

Like tonight, our family dinner is a no-go since the hubs is traveling and Big Brother has evening baseball practice. It’s okay…there’s always tomorrow.

I take comfort in knowing that today I’m doing my best and…there’s always tomorrow.

Is he hungry? In pain? Does he have a dirty diaper?

Does he just need me to hold him, talk to him, or let him be?

We go through this mental checklist within seconds as we gently rock our babes, safe in the confines of our warm and loving embrace.

But, what if the crying continues…and continues…and continues…for hours on end?

It’s heartbreaking, demoralizing, guilt inducing, and downright exhausting.

I vividly remember one particularly exhausting and demoralizing day with my newborn son. I had already become accustomed to him needing my arms 24/7. He was happy, as long as he was there. Taking showers, eating with two free hands, and going to the bathroom alone were luxuries of the past. I had come to peace with it. Mostly.

Then…there was that day. The exhaustion caught up. He was particularly fussy, and I really wanted a shower. All my attempts to place him in his bouncy, his bassinet, or his crib were met with red faced wails. He had been fed, changed, cuddled. I had already ruled out any potential causes for his increase in crying episodes such as food sensitivities or reflux.

I was at a loss. He was just crying. And in spite of my swaddling, swinging, and offering of the pacifier…he continued to cry. As I carried his tiny swaddled body down the stairs, I could feel my body tensing up and my heart pounding in my chest. I abruptly turned right back around, walked into my room, placed him safely in his bassinet, and walked away.

I even closed the door behind me.

I could breathe again. I went downstairs, lay down on the couch, and took several slow, deep breaths.

After what felt like eternity (in reality, less than 5 minutes), I reentered my baby’s world eager to help and hold him once again.

So, when I read this post by a mom wishing someone had told her it was okay to let her baby cry, it broke my heart.

Because here’s the thing about babies and crying: we know all babies cry. Some cry more than others…for hours on end. Some we diagnose with colic which is really just a diagnosis of exclusion, meaning there’s nothing wrong with the baby, he’s just a sensitive little soul (as I like to call them) who needs some time adjusting to the outside world.

Some do end up having food sensitivities or reflux and once addressed, crying may greatly diminish.

But what about these sensitive little souls? Who cry, and cry, and cry in spite of all our best soothing techniques. In spite of the 5 S’s…which I loved, by the way.

For these babies, parents really do need to know that this period of excessive crying is actually normal between 2 weeks of age to 3-4 months old. This is explained so well by Dr. Ronald Barr, a developmental pediatrician who came up with the term, The Period of PURPLE Crying. PURPLE is an acronym to help parents understand this developmental stage in their baby’s life that can lead to excessive crying.

The other thing moms and dads should know: it’s not your fault. You are not a bad mom. Your baby is not a “bad” baby, he’s just sensitive, remember? This doesn’t mean that all that crying doesn’t weigh heavily on your heart. It does, no matter how calm and understanding you are.

So please, above all, remember this…yes, it certainly is okay to place your baby in a safe place, walk away and regroup when you’re in the midst of an intense crying jag. It doesn’t mean you love your baby any less. You are not damaging your baby. Take a few moments for yourself and come back to your beautiful little sensitive soul with a full tank of love and patience.

April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. In efforts to increase awareness about crying in babies and reduce the incidence of shaken baby syndrome, The Period of PURPLE has launched a Click for Babies campaign.

Spread the word. Support a new mom.

I mean, I have always been very intentional about our kids and TV viewing; and up until this past Christmas no one owned any handheld gaming device or iPad. My iPhone is still relatively new to me and I never seemed to mind not knowing what was waiting for me in my inbox until I got home.

Fast forward a few months and our family has officially entered the 21st century.

We are in it deep. Screens surround us. We’re connected wherever we go.

The convenience and immediacy of it is amazing. Don’t get me wrong. There is no going back. But, I’m struggling to find that balance. For sure. And, the fact that I have to set timers for my kids so they know when the iPad must be closed, or when it’s time to stop watching hulu on my iPhone…I know we’ve drifted off course somehow.

And I’m no better. Checking facebook, twitter, and my e-mail whenever and wherever…it’s addicting.

Sure I have some hard and fast rules for our kids like no TVs or screens of any kind in the bedroom. The dinner table is absolutely off limits to any electronic device. We aim to limit total screen time to no more than 2 hours a day and are big believers in commercial free and age appropriate programming.

Some days we come out ahead, and some days…well, turning on the tube/iPad/computer/iPhone is all I can do to sneak in some exercise or make dinner in peace.

I’m definitely a huge believer in moderation.

Still…I can’t help but think this little family of ours needs some media detox. I’ve been starting to feel that pang of connected but disconnected. And anyone on any type of social media space knows what I mean when I say that.

So, when I heard about Screen-Free Week coming up on April 30th, the hubs and I thought this would be the perfect time to do just that.

Media detox.

Quite honestly, the thought of it gives me palpitations. I don’t want to. But I do.

When I broke the news to Big Brother, I’m not kidding…his eyes filled with tears as he asked incredulously…for 7 whole days?!?

Yeah…we need that detox.

Little Sister was more concerned about  missing her beloved Doc McStuffins for a whole week and who can blame her? I love that show too.

What I hope to find at the end of that week is clarity. Though I have a feeling I already know what I’ll find.

Time.

Time to go on after dinner walks. Time to play some board games and read books. Time spent in the backyard while I make dinner. Time talking in the car instead of Big Brother on his DSi or Little Sister on my iPhone.

So as much as I’m dreading this upcoming screen-free week that will start two weeks from today…I know it’s exactly what we need to get us back on track.

Because all the connectedness in the world won’t mean much to me if I’m disconnected from those I love the most.

What’s the longest amount of time you’ve gone dark for? Do you think you and your family could do Screen-Free Week?

Our kids were in heaven.

Not only did they get to spend most of the day outdoors, they were surrounded by cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents.

Honestly, we couldn’t have asked for a better vacation.

And I loved watching them…the kids. Seven of them, ranging in age from 4 to 12 years old.

The beautiful thing about kids and the great outdoors is exactly this:

They can stay outside forever. And I’m not kidding. Forever. “When it gets dark” is still too early.

They don’t whine, complain that they’re bored, or shout “stop touching me!” The only slight disagreement I ever heard was about who had the biggest walking stick.

Their legs never stop running/climbing/jumping/skipping. Well, save for 20 minutes of my uphill hike with Little Sister in tow who was “too tired to walk mom”.

They don’t need toys. They have sticks, rocks, dirt, water, snow…you name it…nature has them covered.

They work together. Helping each other up rocks, picking out sticks for each other, and the older ones watching out for the younger ones.

They take risks. From rock climbing to crossing fallen trees over flowing creeks, kids like to test their limits. Admittedly, I had to hold my breath (and my tongue) a few times. It’s always a fine line between giving them some room to explore and making sure they don’t fall off a cliff or something.

Little Sister sure put us to the test when she insisted on crossing one of those fallen trees. The drop may have only been about 5 feet, but to the hubs and me it may have well been 100. She confidently and without hesitation set off across that tree trunk with the hubs following close behind practicing “touch supervision”.

She made it safely across, I could breathe again, and she was so proud.

And it’s for all these reasons that kids need to get their daily dose of the great outdoors.

They absolutely need it.

We do too.

It reminds us that less is really more, that being unplugged is SO good, and that we (I) need to relax and trust our children when it comes to taking some risks.

The great news is, we don’t need to be in Yosemite to do all these things.

All we need to do is simply open our front door, get out, go, and get muddy. Because kids do nature right and it really is their most perfect playground.

So, here’s the lowdown on babies and spit up.

The first thing to know is we pediatricians refer to baby spit up as reflux. When parents first hear that term (reflux) they automatically think acid reflux and are confused because isn’t that an adult condition?

Let’s talk about reflux in babies

Reflux in babies is physiologic and presents as spit up. It is extremely common in newborns, particularly in premature infants. About half of all newborns up to the age of 4 months will have reflux and the numbers are higher in premature babies. This is simply a “mechanical” issue in babies where the lower muscle of the esophagus is “relaxed” and allows a backflow of breastmilk and/or formula. Most babies will grow and thrive throughout it all and will outgrow this “spitting up” phase by the time they reach 1 year (it’s much sooner for most babies).

We refer to babies who grow, thrive, and are otherwise unruffled by this spitting up as “happy spitters”.

Taking some “reflux precautions” such as keeping baby upright for 20-30 minutes after feeding, offering baby smaller and more frequent feeds, and burping often will ease this reflux. Ultimately, time is the best treatment for these happy spitters as the muscles of the lower esophagus strengthen and mature.

When it’s more than just spit up

Some babies will have more severe reflux. They may cry and grimace with the spit up and/or they may not be gaining weight. In these babies, an evaluation of the degree of reflux and/or a trial of anti-reflux medication may be in order. If your baby is formula feeding, her pediatrician may even recommend thickened formula to reduce the amount of spit-up.

Another red flag is if your baby’s spit-up is projectile or forceful. If this forceful spit-up (vomiting) occurs frequently after feeding, your baby’s pediatrician will want to rule out a condition known as pyloric stenosis.

Although rare, pyloric stenosis will not go away on its own. If your baby’s pediatrician suspects this, an abdominal ultrasound will be ordered. If present, surgery is needed to correct this thickened muscle at the junction of the stomach and small intestine.

A word on colic and reflux

Oftentimes an infant who presents with symptoms of colic may also have significant reflux exacerbating those crying jags. Be sure to mention any spit-up to your child’s doctor if you’re in the throes of colic. Treating and relieving moderate to severe reflux may improve the symptoms of colic greatly.

Bottom line: Most babies will have some degree of reflux. The good news is, most of them are happy and thrive throughout it all. For these babies, time is the best treatment.

Did or does your baby spit up frequently? What questions do you have about babies and reflux?

It’s something I haven’t written about yet, as recalling that moment still hurts my heart.

But I know now it was a necessary part of growing…for all of us.

So, I sat down and wrote about that moment, when my heart was breaking, growing, and filling with more love…all at once.

It’s the story of how we transition from baby #1 to baby #2.

I would love it if you would stop by Natalie’s place and read Growing Pains of the Heart. Here’s a little preview…

He was so sad.

His two year old self, completely engulfed by the grief, the confusion…the sadness.

I, as a new mom of two, was just barely surviving.

Exhausted. Completely swallowed by it.

I did not see him.

All I could see was a newborn who needed me.

Breastfeeding, pumping, preparing bottles, diaper changes, and sleeping in 3 hour increments….why couldn’t my two year old, newly crowned Big Brother see that?

…click here to continue reading Growing Pains of the Heart

*P.S. Look at Big Brother and Little Sister in that photo from those early days. Yes, we all went through some growing pains, and we’re all better and have more love to go around for it.*

How did the transition from baby#1 to baby#2 go for you?