I didn’t plan to, but I ended up having a summer break from blogging. Yet again I’ve tinkered with the format, design and overall direction of where I’m heading. The bottom line is that writing this blog is always going to be a pleasure rather than a stress. I hope you continue to enjoy reading it.

Holiday from Stress, or a Stressful Holiday?

As I write this most schools in the UK have reopened after the summer holiday (or vacation).  My daughters don’t return to University for a few weeks and all three are currently enjoying themselves in hot foreign locations  on holiday.

Whilst holidays have always made a big hole in our family budget,  I have always been grateful that we have made the most of opportunity’s to go away on holiday as a family.  Its interesting how far out of our comfort zone we step sometimes when going on holiday. When booking up we are dazzled by the attractions that await, and don’t ponder on the stresses that are involved in getting to the resort!

How do you  Switch Off?

What has prompted this reflection on holidays is a recent article in the London Times * by former Government minister William Waldergrave. His point was that great leaders knew how to take “real holidays” – not just working from a different location. There are always those who think the world (or certainly their world) will fall apart if they take a day off.

Waldergrave argues that this ability to switch off, by going on holiday, was also part of being multi-dimensional:-

All the evidence is that the very great have curiosity, other interests, hinterland, culture – call it what you will – and though they may single-handedly rally the free world against Nazism or lead an army of foot from Greece to Afghanistan and back to Babylon, their minds have more than one track.

The above references were linked to Churchill’s love of painting and Alexander the Great debating philosophical issues with his teacher Aristotle.  Even at times of great crisis and where major decisions have to be made, great leaders find time to switch off.

One great cause of stress is feeling we “ought” to be attending to work rather than allowing ourselves a chance to switch off.  Apart from how effective we remain if constantly working with few breaks, ultimately we wear ourselves out and are no good to anyone.

The other side to taking time out away from a problem, is that we can return to it refreshed and with different perspectives. What was previously overwhelming us can now seem trivial.  What was once unsolvable can be dealt with quite simply.

* I like to link to sources, but unfortunately The Times now charge for their online access. Time to change newspaper!

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I have recently joined a new service called “Shy Networking“.  As a lifelong introvert, although I would no longer describe myself as shy, networking has never come easy. Likewise for one of the team behind Shy Networking, professional blogger Chris Garrett.

My main reason for joining was to learn how to network online, which basically I’m very poor at. Whilst I have learnt (the hard way) to network reasonably effectively face to face, I’ve not been able to carry that forward on the internet.

This is somewhat ironic, as theoretically it should be easier for a shy or introverted person to network where there is no face to face contact.  However, I’ve started to realise that some of the principles behind networking go deeper than just being able to cope with meeting strangers. Just because I can “do” face to face networking doesn’t mean I’ve been good at it?!

Brian Tracy

I recently saw a Brian Tracy video on the 10 essentials  for success. One of these was contacts – the number of people who know you in a positive way. He stressed never take rejection as a sign of lack of interest or take it personally – people are busy.

“Some will, some won’t, so what…  next.“

The more people you know, the more likelihood of the right person being there at right time. His key method to build contacts was to always look for ways to help. However, that’s easier said than done.

Time will tell if I can improve and build my network via Shy Networking and it proves worth the money.  But it has got me reflecting about networking,

here are my suggestions on what can help:-

Be prepared

Some early advice from Shy Networking is not to launch into a prepared “elevator pitch” or speech. However, you can expect somewhere along the line to be asked certain questions.  Like going for an interview, being prepared to answer those expected questions can give you confidence.

This isn’t the same as launching into a slick “pitch”.   It just giving some thought to what are the main things you want to put across that give someone else the chance to be interested in you.  Whatever job you do, or interests you have, they can be made to sound interesting or dull.

And part of the problem may be your reluctance to talk about yourself and what you do, to blow your own trumpet as it were. Whilst the most common advice is to be genuinely interested in others, you’ll never get anywhere networking unless you are comfortable talking about yourself and being at least a little bit interesting!

Learn to tolerate uncertainty.

This is a key to  self confidence in any situation. We cannot control our environment, especially in any situation where we are meeting new people. Recognise that feeling of anxiety as quite normal, view the event as an exciting challenge rather than major threat.

Look Good

Like tolerating uncertainty, getting into the habit of looking confident takes a bit of practice.  It goes beyond what you are wearing (important as that is) and into how you stand and walk. At least 70% (some give a much higher percentage) of our message is delivered by our body language.

Learn to Relax

One of my problems was finding my voice got lost and I needed to shout to make myself heard. This wasn’t so much a problem with having a poor speaking voice, but a reaction to tension. Relaxation is the opposite body state to tension.

The more you practice simple relaxation techniques, the easier it becomes to make it your “default setting”. Quite often people don’t realise how tense they are. Tension can easily become a habit you slip into without your knowing it.

Nurture the Connection

Networking isn’t just about making connections, enduring the event, and then escaping.  To make it worth doing you need to be prepared to take things to the next level.

If you are at an event where you are unlikely to meet people again face to face in the near future, ensure you have some means of following up. That partly means securing an address (particularly email or Twitter) or number – usually via business card. But also leaving with some memory of the worthwhile connections you made and having some idea how to sustain the conversation.

This could be as simple as sending them a link to a favourite site linked to a mutual interest, or something else likely to be of interest to them. Don’t send them anything promoting yourself unless they specifically asked for it.

Have you any tips on how to network?

photographs by pasukaru76 and Matt from London on Flickr

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“If you don’t change your direction, you’re likely to end up where you’re heading.”  Chinese proverb.

Vote for Change?

In the UK we are in the throws of an election campaign.  The main opposition party, and favourites to win, have as their slogan “Time for Change“.  Its not unusual for politicians to promise change, and promote themselves as the agent of change.

What surprises me is why its considered a winning slogan – when generally speaking we all seem to hate change.  In our day to day lives we stick to ingrained habits – whether its what we eat, what we do, or how we think.

Desperately Seeking Something?

I recently saw an episode of one of my favourite television shows, “Desperate Housewives”. Like many locations in TV land they have more than their fair share of disasters and trauma; this episode was the post air-plane crash where several characters were in life or death (or life changing) situations.

The whole show was made up of flash backs and “flash forwards” – what would their life be like if….  Whilst these were big issues they were projecting, it was interesting to see that by scaring themselves with their “if…” projections the characters could make decisions.

The exercise can be equally startling and useful for any of us to do – but project with NO CHANGE IN WHAT YOU DO...

“What would my life look like in 5 years time, if nothing changes?”

It doesn’t have to be 5 years – chose whatever feels appropriate.  But remember to ask yourself after you’ve done it “Is this where I want to be?”

For most of us, change gets forced on us – such as being made redundant or some other crisis. Changing direction when not forced upon us appears more difficult. Even when we’re putting up with frustrating or less than satisfactory situations – until we reach breaking point. Its easiest to take the line of least resistance and do what we’ve always done, what we are comfortable with.

Honey We’re Killing the Kids

This was another television show I wrote about a couple of years ago in “what habits do you want to change?” Here they projected, in a quite scary way, what some children would look like if they continued their current poor eating and exercise habits.

Ethically somewhat dubious (what reaction would the kids get at school next day!) the programme, as ever, crammed change into a 3 week time frame. My thoughts then were:-

The idea of doing this sort of exercise is not to scare you or make you depressed. But the statement above ends “if my current habits don’t change”. If you like what you see, fine, don’t change. But if you don’t, the answer is simple – you need to make changes in your habits. Don’t do what they do on the TV show and make drastic changes in 3 weeks. Using problem solving to decide what changes you’d like to make, then plan how you you do them. Then – action.

The exercise in question being to project your own life as a way of reviewing your current habits and behaviours, as above.  Whether or not you set goals, are you heading in the right direction?

Do you have to wait for a crisis to make those changes? Of course not. And do you have to scare yourself silly with an image of what might happen if you don’t change? Again, no, and its not always going to be a motivator. Many smokers, drinkers and over eaters know the consequences of their habits, but chose not to dwell on this image.

But it can be a kick-start, if you are honest with yourself.  Only you can answer whether or not the direction you’re heading is where you want to be. And even if you make no changes, you’re still heading somewhere!

photo by somedriftwood on flickr

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Over the years, especially since starting this blog, I have collected quotations. Usually classified as “motivational” or “inspirational”, they pop up all over the place! Anything in particular to do with self confidence or self esteem I have copy and pasted into an ever expanding file.

I hope to have an ebook with my favourite 365 quotes ready in the next few weeks (having said that, I had hoped to have it ready last year!).  In the meantime I have tried my had at putting some of these quotes onto photographs, and in turn onto video.

In my motivational pictures post I did say I’m not keen on the very slick posters that are available commercially, and presumably adorn office walls. Whether I’ve gone the opposite way is up to you to decide!

Please give me feedback on what you think – are these videos inspirational or nauseating! Are quotes little more than catchy affirmations, that have little use?

Most of all, leave your favourite quote. Please.

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I don’t know about you, but I dislike the word failure. It’s very negative and, to me, sounds quite final. However…

Failure and rejection won’t kill you. You may think that it does and it may feel like it almost will just after it has happened. But it won’t. Instead it makes you stronger. It makes you more confident in yourself.

That’s a quote from Henrik Edberg on his ever successful Positivity blog.  Coincidentally I linked to him the last time I devoted a post to the topic – Overcome a Fear of Failure.  On that occasion Henrik had been quoting Oprah; this time he has 10 great quotes and argues that by failing you build an inner strength and grow as a person.

Do we have to learn from failure?

I‘ve also been drawn to another blog post on the topic, this time by Dragos Roua, who says

I started a personal development blog because I know every imaginable thing about failure. I’ve been there so many times, I can’t even remember. I had failures in business, I had failures in personal and social relationships, in school, in my job (back when I had one) and, generally speaking, wherever you’ll find a consistent life niche, you can bet all your money that I had at least one major failure there. And you’ll win big time.

In his post, Learning from Failure, Dragos sets out his 6 stages of personal development – very much based on learning from the lessons of failing. I did suggest in a comment on that post that you’d need events to be pretty big, as in his examples (e.g. business failure) to have this sort of effect.

Perhaps my problem is I’ve never suffered such life events. My life hasn’t been a bed of roses, but my early problems from a lack of confidence meant I avoided things. I didn’t suffer the angst of rejection or a broken heart, because I didn’t have the nerve to speak ask any girl for a date until I got lucky and met my wife, in my mid twenties!

But last week I effectively failed 4 young adults. I interviewed them for a job which they were all keen for, well suited and generally interview well. But there was only one post and the job went to the 5th candidate who ticked more boxes.

Did they gain confidence from the experience, come out stronger as Henrik suggests? From speaking to them afterwards to tell them they were unsuccessful, absolutely not. I cannot imagine how being told there is someone better than you would ever be confidence building.

Does Unsuccessful = Failure?

In Overcome a Fear of Failure I said

No one wants to fail. No one enjoys failure. I’m sure Thomas Edison would have been more than happy if his early experiments worked – or The Beatles had they been signed by Decca! The difference between those at the top and the rest of us is whether we persist after failure – how desperately we want to achieve something.

That quote does miss one important point. At some point people do give up.  The Beatles and Edison ultimately succeeded because they had talent that ultimately paid off.  Many bands try for years to get recording contracts – but will never get one because they are not good enough or not creating what people want to buy. Likewise people have all kinds of crazy inventions that don’t have the significance of the light bulb.

Definitions of failure effectively put it as the opposite of success, being unsuccessful. However, failure is a far more emotive word. It does imply an ending. When I spoke to the interviewees above, I said they had been unsuccessful – not “you’ve failed”!

Don’t be afraid of  making mistakes or not getting what you wanted (being unsuccessful) – recognise these things will happen from time to time if you step outside your comfort zone. And stepping outside your comfort zone, learning to cope with the feeling of uncertainty that this brings, is one of the key ways to build self confidence.

Do we need to fail?

Several of Henrik’s quotes suggest that overcoming failure, and not giving up,  is part of being successful. Another such quote is from Thomas Edison himself:-

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”

I have to say I don’t agree with him. Part of being successful is being able to reflect and learn; to be able to plan, gather information and make good decisions. Yes, knowing what you want – having goals – is essential. But knowing when to adjust them in light of experience is as important.

“Failure is not a single, cataclysmic event. You don’t fail overnight. Instead, failure is a few errors in judgement, repeated every day. ~ Jim Rohn

I don’t think the concept of failure is useful in personal development. At worst it will lower self esteem, rather than raise self confidence.  But what do you think? Do you think its is an essential stepping stone, without which success has no foundations?  And do you agree with Henrik, and think it does build self confidence?  Please comment below…

photo by meddygarnet on flickr

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I’m quite sceptical of anything suggesting a route to happiness. I have often suggested techniques that might help, such as expressing gratitude on what is good in your life.

“Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.” J.S.Mill

And last week I discussed in Lets Celebrate that happiness can be a result of the  good experiences we accumulate. Celebrating being a great opportunity for a happy experience.

Ten Steps to Happiness

In my post How to Find Happiness I touched on the 10 things you can do that will make you happier. This list came from research within  a BBC show on happiness:-

Plant something and nurture it
Count your blessings – at least five – at the end of each day
Take time to talk – have an hour-long conversation with a loved one each week
Phone a friend whom you have not spoken to for a while and arrange to meet up
Give yourself a treat every day and take the time to really enjoy it
Have a good laugh at least once a day
Get physical – exercise for half an hour three times a week
Smile at and/or say hello to a stranger at least once each day
Cut your TV viewing by half
Spread some kindness – do a good turn for someone every day

The Ultimate Guide to Health and Happiness

So  I believe there are things you can do to improve your likelihood of being happy.  But when someone produces a manual called “the ultimate guide to health and happiness” the old sceptic in me rises to the surface.

The introduction promises:-

“The Ultimate Guide to Health and Happiness offers an invaluable collection of advice, hints, tips and easy to follow exercises that will benefit anyone experiencing personal crises, relationship difficulties, suffering from a low self esteem or simply wishing to maintain good health and a positive attitude.”

The author Jennifer Summers writes  well and is very readable. Whilst  a bit long at 155 pages, it is easy to navigate and use selectively if you wish.

Its very much a manual, making good use of the ebook format so you can print off work sheets and exercises as you go. Unfortunately many self help type books are still organized and printed in a format similar to novels. Consequently, they are read “like a novel” from start to finish with no stopping to put into practice what is being suggested.

This happiness toolkit offers a combination of over 60 principles and exercises that will allow you more insight into what you are feeling, why that is and what you can do to change it. Like my blog, it looks at positive thinking, expressing feelings and exercises to build self esteem such as praising yourself. Whilst you don’t have to do any of the exercises if you don’t want to, you are very much left feeling that to make the changes desired, you need to act!

The Eastern approach that underlines some of her ideas may not appeal to everyone. Having a Chapter entitled “Lower Your Expectations” may clash with the aspirational, acquisition driven lifestyle that most of us seem to live. Quotes of Taoist wisdom come as a welcome relief.

The middle section, where Jennifer gives an overview of yoga, tai chi and meditation, is not something I have neither expertise nor great interest. However I know people have found great benefit from meditation in particular, and I recognise its time I opened my mind to these techniques.

“My mind watches over my body, Whilst my body protects my mind, And my spirit engulfs us all”

Jennifer Summers

As I implied above, if this ebook was purely about happiness I wouldn’t be so keen. But its more of a guide to improving the quality of your life (and hence your happiness) by breaking down and improving some of the component parts.

I purchased The Ultimate Guide to Health and Happiness about 3 years ago. Some exercises I have found very useful and have used in my therapy and coaching work, plus I do them myself.  There have been one or two I have “borrowed” when writing this blog!

Its hard to measure if I’m happier, but I feel its another “piece in the jigsaw”. And if it hadn’t been useful to me, I certainly wouldn’t promote it.  Like most ebooks it has a 60 day guarantee, so if you don’t find it any use you can get your money back (and keep the bonuses!!). Click here to visit the  sales page.

photo by Robert Snache on Flickr

* Please note, as I discuss in my about page and disclaimer, I get a commission from purchases made through the affiliate links on this page.

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We manage to fill our calenders with numerous opportunities to celebrate. Sometimes to mark personal achievement, milestones such as birthdays, or national festivals. But does celebrating make us happier?

Last month following an unexpected and dramatic win over Scotland, the Welsh rugby team celebrated their victory at their team hotel. Unfortunately for one player, Andy Powell, celebrations went a bit too far. He was arrested driving a golf buggy three miles from the hotel and failed an alcohol breath test. He has since been suspended from the Welsh team…

So how do you celebrate? Do you go out on a bender and end up engaging in dangerous behaviour that ruins your career and makes you the laughing stock of the country?!

Festivals we Celebrate

In We all Need to Celebrate I wrote about some of the different ways we celebrate different national or even international festivals.

Bonfire night, or Guy Fawkes night, celebrates a failed attempt to blow up the Houses of Parliament (our seat of Government) and the King of England in 1605. You could argue that Guy Fawkes, the plot leader, was an early terrorist and wonder at how different life may be today had he succeeded! When I was a child I loved Bonfire Night because we celebrated in our back garden and let off fireworks at will. Today, because of many serious accidents (to children in particular), Bonfire Night is mainly celebrated at organised displays (which I find very boring!)

Other festivals have either quite bizarre roots or involve very bizarre behaviour! Hallowe’en – celebrated in many countries – is perceived as a pagan festival of the dead, although it has its roots in earlier Christian festivals.

I only read yesterday that the annual Cheese Rolling in Gloucestershire has been cancelled – apparently on crowd safety concerns! As you might guess from the video, quite a few competitors get hurt.

It seems the popularity of the event (which dates back to at least the nineteenth century)  has led to its current downfall – thousands of people coming to watch. Chasing a “specially made” 8lb cheese down a hill doesn’t exactly get me too excited, but then the combination of “speed” and “out of control” tend to make me ill, rather than happy.

Happy Birthday

Many celebrations, such as birthdays and Christmas,  involve giving gifts. But we also try to mark with some sort of experience – eating and drinking frequently being involved!

As I mentioned in my newsletter, A belated happy 50th birthday to Tony Robbins. Nice of him (or perhaps his marketing team!) to send me an email letting me know this, and how I can also celebrate and “unleash the power” within me at the same time. I passed.

Tony was born on February 29th 1960, as was my sister Susan. Both have had only 12 proper birthdays to celebrate. Susan did not want to make a fuss of being 50 and unfortunately doesn’t have a “list” of admirers like Tony.  Fortunately (unlike a previous year!) her husband did remember and she both received a present and celebrated by going out for a family meal.

Enjoy the Experience

The attraction of the festivals I have mentioned is they all involve an experience unique to them.  To participate, even as a spectator, gives you an experience you are not likely to get any other day of the year.

Research has shown that spending money on experiences has a far greater positive impact on happiness than spending it on material goods.  Whilst the impact of a new item soon fades as they become rather shabby, we remember the good parts of experiences, tending to filter out being stuck in the car park afterwards.

And quoting Richard Wiseman again

Experiences promote one of the most effective happiness inducing behaviours – spending time with others. Sociability may be part of the experience itself, or might happen when you tell people about the occasion afterwards.

If you are going to spend money on material things rather than experiences, then a celebration encourages you to spend it on other people.  And yet again research has demonstrated that people report feeling happier having spent money on gifts for other people rather than themselves.

Mothering Sunday

I complete this having just taken my mother and mother in law out, with my wife, for a meal.  Its the first “Mothers Day” we have celebrated without any of our own children (who all remembered to send cards!). Again it was a nice experience and I’m sure for all of us more long lasting than the flowers that tend to be exchanged.

The hotel we went to was the same one we held our wedding reception in, almost 25 years ago. I need to think of some way to celebrate that, perhaps a bit different to going out for a meal. Any suggestions?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on how you celebrate, and is it a recipe for happiness?

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Can you feel good, feel self confident, even if your clothes are rather shabby?  There is the argument that you should be proud of yourself no matter what you are wearing. Clothes should be a nice "finishing touch", but ultimately its the person underneath that either shines with confidence, or shirks in the shadows.

To some extent it does come down to your attitude to what you wear. If you are financially hard up and aware that the clothes you are wearing have seen better days, then you will be self conscious and that awareness will affect you.

An easy "unhelpful thought" to slip into is mind reading. We imagine others are having critical thoughts about us, ripping our clothes to shreds in their minds and ridiculing us for what we look like – even tough we have no idea what other people are thinking.

Alternatively, some people are oblivious to the opinions of others and feel confident whatever they wear.  There are highly successful people don't give a damn about appearance or fashion, feeling good about themselves whatever they are wearing.

The Donkey Jacket that Wasn't

Some people can look shabby in even the most expensive clothes. A famous British politician, Michael Foot, died this week at the age of 96. A one time leader of one of our main political parties, he had many achievements to his name. Yet, sadly, every obituary flags up that he was lampooned and highly criticised was wearing a "donkey jacket" at a memorial service and

"looked more like an Irish navvy than a party leader".

This happened nearly 30 years ago, and ironically the coat he was wearing wasn't a donkey jacket (a type of coat worn by labourers) but a new, expensive coat that shouldn't have generated any criticism at all.  The problem was,  Michael Foot  had the gait, posture and general physical stature that always made him look somewhat shabby.

Whatever he wore, he never looked the part of a statesman, a great leader.  Yet when he spoke, he was one of the best orators this country has known!

An Englishman Abroad

Another interesting person was Guy Burgess. Infamous as a spy who defected to the then Soviet Union in 1951.  Seven years later he made contact with actress Coral Browne who was touring the country with the Royal Shakespeare Company. He persuaded her to measure him up and arrange for his tailors in London to make him some new suits.

This true story was wonderfully dramatised in a 1983 film, An Englishman Abroad.  I saw it on television again a few months ago and what stuck so vividly in my mind was how the rather pathetic, alcoholic figure of Burgess was transformed when was able to dress himself in elegant suits. Parading around in a country where everyone else was by default "shabby", you could see him suddenly filled with self confidence and stature.

Self Confidence from What You Wear

OK, so it was a dramatisation. But to me  still an accurate illustration of how wearing "the right" clothes can transform how you feel about yourself.  It may not make a difference for everyone, and (as with Michael Foot) may be only part of the equation.

One habit I have changed, to good effect, is stopping dressing down at weekends. I'd never been a great one for paying too much attention to clothes, and tended to slob around in very scruffy clothes when not at work.Trouble was, this ultimately was reflected in my behaviour and how I felt. 

After being dragged out shopping by my wife I made a conscious decision to look reasonably smart and take a bit more care about my appearance. If the weekend has purpose, why not dress that way (I should add I'm not the sort of person who spends much time gardening, decorating or generally getting dirty at weekends if i can help it!)

Does what you wear make a difference to you, or does your confidence remain consistent whatever you wear?

photo by cod_gabriel on flickr

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The best time to appreciate something is when you suddenly lose it. Having been ill the past week with a flu type virus I’m suddenly aware how much I’ve taken my health for granted. Suddenly being incapacitated and in pain, lacking motivation to do anything much except feel sorry for myself, it hasn’t been a great week!

The question of gratitude has arisen a few times recently. I was reading Debbie Bills’ lovely blog The Happy Maker, where in her recent post she listed 25 things she was grateful for. Not all were what you’d expect:-

I am grateful for my vacuum cleaner.
Have you ever tried to sweep carpet before?  No, I have never had to try that one, but I have had to vacuum on my hands and knees before, because the upright part didn’t work.

What lists by others can do for you, is shake up your own thinking. Recognise that you have so much to appreciate. Particularly when  going through a rough time (like being ill!) you can forget about what you have to be grateful for.

Gratitude Works!

I have just finished reading a tremendous book, 59 Seconds by psychologist Professor Richard Wiseman. He has written several other “popular” psychology books, one of which The Luck Factor I discussed at length last summer. Among other things, it demonstrated that “lucky” people think and behave in ways that increases their chances of creating, noticing and exploiting chance opportunities.

In 59 Seconds, Wiseman sifts through available research to try and separate fact from fiction in the various areas of self help:- happiness, motivation, stress, relationships, etc. Partly trying to expose myths, he is also trying to present ideas that work and suggests ways to incorporate them into daily life.

In the Happiness chapter he does discuss the problem of how our senses gradually get used to constant stimuli, to the point that they vanish from our awareness. For example, our awareness of a pleasant smell  (freshly baked bread) will fade, unless we leave the room and re-enter.

Like the fresh bread smell, our gratitude for what makes ourselves happy will fade:-

Everyone has something to be happy about…. However, as time passes, they get used to what they have and, just like the smell of fresh bread, those wonderful assets vanish from the mind.

As he does throughout the book, Richard Wiseman finds a piece of research that looks at whether deliberately reminding ourselves of what we have has any effect on our happiness. The research, by psychologists Emmons and McCullough was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 2003:- “Counting Blessings Versus Burdens: An Experimental Investigation of Gratitude and Subjective Well Being in Daily Life.”

Write Things Down

The essence of the experiment was that 3 different groups wrote down different things each day – one writing down 5 things they were grateful for. At the end of the experiment (its the nature of the book that only sketchy details of the experiment are described, as so many experiments are covered), compared to the other groups:-

“…those expressing gratitude ended up happier, much more optimistic about the future, physically healthier and even exercised significantly more.”

What is also interesting, and related to this experiment, is the act of writing as opposed to talking or “imagining”.  The subjects didn’t just remind themselves by talking to others, or recalling in their head, they wrote things down. Richard Wiseman again:-

From a psychological perspective, talking and writing are very different. Talking can be somewhat unstructured, disorganised, even chaotic. In contrast, writing encourages the creation of a story line and structure that help people make sense of what has happened and work towards a solution.

Unfortunately, people tend to view writing as hard work. Even if they are going to be the only person to see what is written, many,  in my experience can be very reluctant to write things down.  But in several other experiments that are discussed in 59 Seconds, writing things down is an important part of the successful equation.

I will return to other aspects of Richard Wiseman’s findings from 59 Seconds and what helps with self confidence and other aspects of self help in future posts. But with the focus on gratitude, I must end with one of my favourite quotes:-

“I cried because I had no shoes, till I met a man who had no feet.”

Photo by sporkist on Flickr

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