In Are goals necessary? I reflected that I have had mixed success with goal setting and in my career I have taken opportunities rather than following a clear plan - so why be “SMART”?

Do you have passion or desire? discussed the concept of a “road map” - all the rage in December - and looked at getting excited about making changes, finding passion or desire.

Do you have a dream - concluded goals are necessary, but insufficient. We need some inner drive or passion.

Why haven’t you set goals? did address the balance with arguments in favor of goals and reasons people don’t set them.

In Achieving goals with support I used the example of goal setting being like using a GPs unit. For the first time I mentioned how coaching, or using support, could be helpful to get us to where we want to be.

Recently I have been coached and I have been coaching someone myself – more of which some other time. A broad definition of life coaching that I had been using is

“unlocking a person’s potential to maximize their own performance. Its helping them to learn rather than teaching them.”
(Tim Gallway, quoted by Whitmore in Coaching for Performance)

I’ve recently adopted a broader definition – helping facilitate growth and change – as coaching is something that is happening all the time. As I argued in achieving goals with support a friend or family member may “coach” you and help you achieve or change, but do so through everyday conversation.

But it does come back to how you use goal setting. I happened upon a couple of posts by a frequent commenter on this site Maria Gajewski that describe her “compass approach” to goal setting. The analogy of a compass, rather than a detailed map, keeps with the principle that its important to know where you are heading. But it allows for the fact that it many situations, having detailed (SMART) goals neither works nor is helpful.

To quote Maria:-

By using the Compass Approach, you keep your eyes open to the world and are better able to accept opportunities as they come. You are also able to recognize when a slight shift in direction might actually be the crooked path that is faster than the straight line.

In terms of my 6 months a head, I could set myself SMART goals regarding my health and fitness - eg by 31st December I weigh 95 kilograms (hopefully kgs don’t mean much to most of you reading!) or I will compete and finish the Christmas 10k (road race) in under 60 minutes.

But rigid goals like these may be easily measurable, and I could write out steps to achieve those goals, but don’t take into account what else is happening in my life. For instance, my eldest daughter is home for the summer and is teaching me to swim properly. I also plan to buy a wet suit so I can swim outside in the summer months. Ironically I completed a swimming goal last year - swimming the 1.4 miles between two piers. But I have very poor technique, not able to “crawl”.

My wifes cycling partner is a about to move to France, so we are looking at starting Sunday morning cycle rides together. So my vision for the future has me engaging in a bigger range of physical activity - and enjoying it!! Heading in that direction I still need to check progress (”compass calibration” as Maria calls it) on a regular basis. But there is flexibility in the system.

Reading Maria’s post she refers to a book Goal Free Living that I hadn’t come across before. From what I can make out, the author Stephen Shapiro, doesn’t really recommend being “goal free”- he suggests being clear about what’s really important and focusing on getting the most out of the present rather than focusing foremost on the future. Or a “it’s the journey, not the destination” perspective.

So the book is about getting control of your life - not about being lazy or just going through life with no direction. Knowing where you are going, celebrating the progress, being open to take different paths, enjoying every moment in life and connecting with people. Stephen interviews many people along the journey he makes and their stories illustrate his theme, they live fulfilled lives without incessant goal achievement.

Adapting a model of future planning that suits you is very important for building self confidence. Never let your self esteem be determined by whether or not you have achieved a major goal that day. Don’t beat yourself up if you haven’t hit a particular target.

As Stephen says, its important to enjoy the journey. But a journey needs some sort of destination, otherwise you are just drifting. It is good for your confidence if you know where you are going.

top photo Meredith Farmer, bottom Alexia * on Flickr.com

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Today, I don’t consciously engage in the task of driving - likewise I don’t consciously think about how to tie up my shoe laces or walk (try thinking about how you walk and tell yourself out loud what to move!). Reflecting at my keyboard its quite frightening how we rely on our unconscious mind and embedded habits to propel a large metal box at great speed.

I have repeatedly touched on how much of what we do is habit. Our brains process millions of messages a day - putting most of our activities on automatic pilot makes us more efficient. If we did have to consciously engage in tying our shoe laces, or driving, then we would end up exhausted.

The downside is, we also get into habits that are unhelpful. I’ve recently been looking at some of our unhelpful thinking habits, and this is quite a recurring theme in building self confidence and self esteem. But we also have behavioral habits and routines that don’t help us. The classic is automatically switching on the television set when we get home, and wasting hours of our lives watching rubbish!!!

I’ve recently changed one of my habits. Traveling to and from work I was in the habit of listening to the radio. I’m sure many others do the same thing. Recently I discovered a device that enables me to listen to my MP3 player through my cassette player (I have an old car!). Now I listen to some great podcasts or motivational and self improvement talks as I commute to work.

Listening to the radio again (when my batteries went flat!) I couldn’t believe how banal and idiotic it sounded. So that was a successful change of habit. There is a relatively new school of thought with a long name - Framework for Internal Transformation (FIT) - that believes that changing our (behavioral) habits is a better way of facilitating long term change, rather than trying to change our thinking habits.

The FIT theory is based on all our habits being interlinked. So changing one habit or routine can have a knock on effect on a bad habit you want to change - such as smoking or over eating. Regularly (daily) making a point of doing things differently or trying something new helps chip away at those ingrained habits, making us more flexible.

One of the common factors in the unhelpful thinking is how rigid, how black and white, the different habits are. So I would go along with the FIT approach in that trying to make ourselves less rigid and set in our ways is going to be beneficial. I still think its worth challenging our thinking habits as well.

The bottom line is habits can stand in the way of change, of fulfilling our potential. New habits give you a new way of exploring and viewing the world, enhancing your self esteem and building self confidence. Worth a try?

I must confess my physical body does at times feel a bit ancient - something I would like to address - whilst mentally I feel quite young. But I got myself into a mess by being over confident and falling back into a habit of my youth - procrastination.

I spent the weekend working on my photography portfolio, which I need to hand in this week as part of my adult education course. I had taken all the photographs I needed and had done the practical work for the assignments - but I kept putting off writing everything up. I kept telling myself I was capable of doing the work, that it should be quite straight forward. But that doesn’t get the work done!!

Procrastination is related to time management and a lack of energy and enthusiasm for work. Why do we give in to procrastination? We have a natural tendency to avoid discomfort or put off tasks that are unpleasant - or tasks that seem overwhelming.

Another reason may be a fear of failure. Perfectionism and concentration difficulties are major issues which give rise to procrastination. In my case I didn’t fear failure and wasn’t being a perfectionist. I can hardly blame poor concentration, when I never actually did anything.

The problem was, I never started. I kept convincing myself I didn’t need to do it at that time. Often, it takes more energy to procrastinate than to get something done! Rather than keeping control of my photography project and setting myself ongoing tasks and targets, I just did the bits that I enjoyed (i.e. taking the photographs) and made no plans for doing the writing.

Rather than procrastination - bit of a mouthful - how about “lack of self discipline”. Ouch! Yep, the real reason is I just didn’t set aside time to do a fairly simple task, then spoilt my project my rushing it all at the end. I also messed up other plans I had for the weekend (such as celebrating my birthday and blogging!!)

The realization that procrastination itself is self-imposed is a big step towards your understanding that it’s a bad habit that can stick. Self disciple, like will power, isn’t something that is widely written or talked about. But without it, you’re going to have to rely on others to organize and push you to get things done. Which doesn’t help you’re self esteem.

Self Esteem Review

As there is no “Self Esteem for Dummies” (yet!) I have decided to partially fill the gap in the market. The first issue of my newsletter “Self Esteem Review” will be sent out later this week. For those of you who read my blog through the RSS feed, you need to visit my site to sign up for the free newsletter. The content will be different to the blog, including articles by other writers and reviews of other sites blog posts you may find useful.

Unhelpful Thinking

Several of my posts have focused on thinking - today I want to start looking at the link between how you feel and your thoughts. Ultimately, self esteem and self confidence are undermined by poor, unhelpful thinking habits.

Shoulds
There is something called the “tyranny of the shoulds”. Here we set ourselves up by saying “I should” or “ought to….” It is as though you believe that you need to threaten yourself to achieve anything. Its like using a big stick approach to yourself:-

I shouldn’t eat that cake

I ought to practice for another hour

I ought to volunteer to help

I should have got all those questions correct

We feel a failure if we are unable to match our shoulds and oughts, and the emotional consequence is often guilt and frustration. Mentally we punish ourselves by more negative labeling - such as “I don’t deserve xxxxx as I should have……..” As a way of motivating ourselves its quite poor - a diet based on lots of “I shouldn’t eat that cakes” will lead to rebellion before very long!

When we “should” or “ought” about what others are doing it can also lead to frustration and anger. But its mainly the way we beat ourselves up that I’m concerned about. Practice saying “I would like to” rather than “I ought to”, and look at other ways to challenge this self talk.

Musts
A step beyond should is must. These again are ways of trying to enforce high standards on ourselves.

I must be hard working

I must get an A+

I must be the first to finish

Sometimes its difficult to know when we are “musting” ourselves, but the degree of emotional upset may be a clue. Musts, like shoulds, are a problem because they leave us with a sense of failure, or let a fear of failure stop us from starting. You can probably see the link with perfectionism.

With shoulds and musts, in the first place try to identify and catch yourself using this type of language. Turn musts into preferences, recognize the choices you have and the decisions you are making. Look towards the pleasure of success rather than the fear of failure.

All or Nothing
Things are viewed in black and white, either/or terms. For example, if your performance is not what you hoped for, you judge yourself a complete failure. If someone is upset with you over one incident, you think they can’t possibly like you anymore. Again, this can be linked in with perfectionism - if something is less than perfect, its judged a failure.

Life is full of gray areas. Practice thinking more flexibly and suggest alternatives to yourself. Remember what you think is just that - a thought. What you think may be far removed from reality.

Over-Generalisation
A single negative event may be seen as evidence for a never ending pattern of defeat or failure. You often use words like ALWAYS and NEVER. If a bird makes a mess on your car/auto you say “this always happens to me”. If you buy tickets in a draw or raffle and don’t win a prize you say “I never win”

Notice how often you say these words - practice thinking in terms of SOMETIMES.

Jumping to Conclusions
This is when we jump to negative conclusions even when there are no facts to support doing so. This has two forms:-

Mind Reading - You decide that someone is reacting negatively to you. This is especially likely if you have low self esteem.

The Fortune Teller Error - You assume things will turn out badly, and feel convinced that your prediction is an already established fact. You book more lessons having assumed you will fail your driving test.

In both of these situations - check, or find, the evidence. But in all cases, the first job is to catch yourself doing it. You may already have identified one habit that you display. Don’t beat yourself up about it - just gradually look at alternative ways of thinking or viewing a situation.
photo credit srboisvert

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”

Part of me likes the concept, its just that the products to me seem too slick - I cannot imagine these inspiring or motivating me. The fact that there is now good business selling “demotivational” products says that others prefer humor and honesty! For instance, a photo of the pyramids with:-

“You can do anything you set your mind to when you have vision, determination, and an endless supply of expendable labor.”

What brought this to mind was story in the news about a shop in Beijing selling “spirit bottles” - empty bottles with meaningful (rather than inspirational) sentiments written on them. The best sellers have been “courage for change”, “sense of security”, “great wisdom”, “tolerance” and “unconditional love”.

Apparently sales have increased dramatically since the recent earthquake, leading to some concern that this is exploitation or a confidence trip. I cannot see that, as its quite clear that people know they are buying a bottle, filled with nothing but air, with a fairly simple label - anything but slick!

Management guru Charles Handy was successful at using images and metaphors to translate conceptual ideas into things people could understand and relate to. Since reading a Hungry Spirit I keep a white stone on my desk - as he does. It symbolizes the journey towards self knowledge:-

It means that if I “prevail,” I will, eventually, find out who I truly ought to be, the other hidden self. Life is a search for the white stone. It will be a different one for each of us. Of course, it depends on what is meant by “prevail.” It means, I suspect, passing life’s little tests, until you are free to be fully yourself, which is when you get your white stone.

Its worth reading the full extract, as it doesn’t make a huge amount of sense out of context! But the point here is that a simple white stone - with no writing on - can convey meaning to someone if they have given it a personal meaning at some point.

I’m sure you have heard a piece of music on the radio or television, that for you is linked to some event or person in your life. Just hearing the opening bars can rekindle emotions and images in your mind - good and bad.

When you find a good quote, saying, speech, affirmation - anything that inspires or motivates you - there are many ways of keeping that thought to the fore. I have written about affirmations before, and personally use software to reinforce their message. But you can link anything you want.

For example, you may have the following affirmations:-

I am strong and calm; I am a very confident person. I maintain my self confidence at all times and places. I am totally confident in my capabilities, expertise and know how.

Personally, I wouldn’t put a poster or picture on my office wall with that written on it. But I may create a personal paper weight - a piece of rock, wood, anything - or have a photograph (or screen saver) that I have linked to those three sentences. Create your own positive meanings in the things around you.
photo credits:- top aloshbennett bottom aaronmerrell

Oprah had an interesting take on failure - she redefined it:-

“I do not believe in failure. It is not failure if you enjoyed the process.”

Looking at some of my recent posts, a fear of failing can be another interpretation of the problems. With perfectionism for example, a person sets their required standard high - and anything less than 100% achievement of that target is a failure. There are no shades of gray.

If we lack confidence in our ability to do something, our thinking can revolve around whether we will fail or succeed. Failure enters the equation, rather than say “mistake”, when the stakes are higher. Usually with the fear of failing we can imagine unpleasant consequence, rather than just inconvenience.

These fears can have their roots in childhood, like most of our negative thinking habits. Being punished, criticized or embarrassed by parents or peers can live on in our memory - to be resurrected as a “consequence”if we get it wrong again.

So a “fear of failure” can be looked at as another anxiety led fear - such as any fear about what others think. My response is to start facing that fear and getting used to the uncomfortable feeling that is generated when you try. Anxiety generates physical symptoms that we all experience, especially when we step outside our comfort zone.

Returning to Oprah speak, her other quote was:-

“Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire. This is your moment. Own it.”

Is this just psychobabble from someone talking from a lofty perch - however hard she worked to get there? History is littered with figures whose later success was preceded by failure and rejection. This video highlights a few

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6hz_s2XIAU

No one wants to fail. No one enjoys failure. I’m sure Thomas Edison would have been more than happy if his early experiments worked - or The Beatles had they been signed by Decca! The difference between those at the top and the rest of us is whether we persist after failure - how desperately we want to achieve something.

We’ve no evidence if those in the video ever considered themselves failures at the time. Someone can view themselves a failure for not achieving what others would consider insignificant targets. Continuing to fail something, however small, doesn’t necessarily make it an easier pill to swallow. It could deepen someones low self esteem.

Some people can be very high achievers in their chosen field, but can consider themselves failures because they didn’t get the ultimate prize they were striving for. An athlete getting a silver rather than gold medal, a team losing in a final, reaching the board of directors but not Chief Executive.

Whether you see yourself as a success or failure, its up to how you define the terms. Whilst I don’t really agree with her quotes in full, I’m with Oprah on one point. I don’t believe in failure. If any act leads to us considering ourselves a failure, it will only undermine our self esteem.

We may “fail” or not reach a set standard at certain activities along the way - with exams, driving test, interviews. But that doesn’t make us a failure.

Unfortunately, in this day and age of being over worked and under valued, the approval of others may be slow to happen. Saying “well done” or “thank you” doesn’t seem to common language in modern society - and how often do you say such things to others?

Being self critical is an easy habit to get into, and forms the basis of our needing approval from others. The root of our self criticism is usually being at the receiving end of criticism from others as we grow up. I like the expression that “criticism is negative feedback badly delivered”. Constantly receiveing messages like “you’re too slow/stupid/bad/ugly/…” etc leads to us believing that this is a reality.

And language like “don’t do that” “why did you….” “you shouldn’t have” “you always” “you mustn’t” “you always” doesn’t exactly help a child feel good about themselves. Every expression is a sign of disapproval, so its not surprising we grow wanting that approval from others.

“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.” Mark Twain

Comparing ourselves to others is another way we end up being critical of ourselves, as we usually find ways we don’t match up. This perpetuates our own self disapproval. If you must compare - find positive things where you are better than others. Even if you find yourself with role models you are trying to emulate, there will be aspects of their personality, perhaps particular skills or attributes that you already have but they don’t possess.

Identify situations where you find yourself seeking the approval of others. Is it with particular people - boss, parent - or in particular environments - workplace, home, social? Is there any reason you can identify why this should be, why you’re leaving yourself vulnerable to their moods and frustrations?

Whether or not you can find reasons for your seeking approval, start getting in the habit of getting approval solely from yourself. As you find yourself automatically deferring to others opinion of you, catch that thinking and challenge it. If you have deep seated fears of rejection or abandonment you may need to seek professional help (such as a psychologist or counselor) if you have difficulty challenging these thoughts yourself.

One easy way to challenge such thinking, is to remind yourself that most people are quite self centered. In the same way you spend most of your time full of self talk, worrying about you, other people are not as concerned about you as you think. They’re mostly concerned about themselves.

The bottom line, whilst you’re worried about others opinion or approval of you, they probably haven’t given you any thought at all. Like you, when they’re thinking about other people, it’s mainly in relation to themselves. None of us know what anyone else is thinking. Whether or not they’ve even noticed you or what you have done, you may never know. So why beat yourself up about it?

“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.” Mark Twain

Another technique, which I have written about recently in self esteem building, is to get in the habit of approving of yourself. Keep reminding yourself what you’ve done well, what you are pleased about that you have done.

The “portfolio” technique is something many people now have to do for courses and professional competence. Keep a file or folder with reminders of what you have done and achieved. Its easy to forget the things that we’re good at, perhaps things we do automatically without a second thought. You may find it helpful to ask a friend to help you at this.

Another technique is to use positive affirmations. I have previously written that I use affirmations to reinforce character traits - such as confidence - rather than to gain material possessions (as fans of the Law of Attraction suggest). Use affirmations to reinforce your approval of yourself - what you like about you.

“Blogs get people excited. Or else they disturb and worry them. Some people distrust them. Others see them as the vanguard of a new information revolution. Because they allow and encourage ordinary people to speak up, they’re tremendous tools of freedom of expression.
Bloggers are often the only real journalists in countries where the mainstream media is censored or under pressure. Only they provide independent news, at the risk of displeasing the government and sometimes courting arrest.“

Handbook for bloggers & cyber-dissidents

Having belonged to Amnesty International for around 30 years, and been “active” in various capacities for most of that time, I felt I couldn’t ignore the “Bloggers Unite for Human Rights Day“. This is joint action by Amnesty International and BlogCatalog, to encourage Bloggers worldwide to blog on a human rights issue on May 15.

And there are many things we could chose to blog about. The most obvious in the context is the case of Shi Tao, a Chinese journalist, serving a ten-year prison sentence for sending an email to the United States. Yahoo provided information to the Chinese Government that led to his imprisonment.

China currently holds the world record for the imprisonment of journalists and cyber-dissidents - and its record on human rights generally is pretty appalling. Of course, they promised to improve things before the Olympic Games in Beijing.

Perhaps we should write about Tibet! Or send a Mothers Day message to the many Chinese mothers who are still seeking justice for what happened to their children at Tiananmen Square in 1989.

But how can we not mention that one of the worst atrocities and abuses of human rights in the world today is taking place in Darfur, Sudan. The conflict in this country has led to the worst human rights abuses imaginable — the systematic and widespread murder, rape, abduction, and displacement of peaceful citizens.

Or closer to home, the continued illegal detentions at Guantanamo Bay - where the US Government continues to hold detainees beyond the reach of US or international law. Or USA citizen Emanuel Zeltser, who was detained when he flew in to Belarus on 12 March. He has been denied urgent medical attention and reportedly beaten and tortured.

And personally I had thoughts of writing about the death penalty - the ultimate form of State inflicted torture - cruel, inhuman and degrading. It is irrevocable and can be inflicted on the innocent. It has never been shown to deter crime more effectively than other punishments.

Cyclone Nargis - appalling human rights catastrophe

I won’t be writing about any of these stories on May 15. Instead, I’m writing today hoping you will take some action. I’m bringing to your attention an appalling human tragedy that has been unfolding over the past week - that can’t wait until Thursday.

On 2 May 2008 Cyclone Nargis ripped across the coast of Myanmar (aka - Burma), bringing misery & devastation to tens of thousands. The United Nations estimates up to 100,000 may have perished and a rough figure of 1.5 million may be affected - as many as 6 million people live in the Irrawaddy Delta that bore the brunt of the storm.

Governments around the world have united to send aid to the stricken country - but most of it sits on runways outside Myanmar without permission to fly in. Planes that have been allowed to land are then seized and foreign charity workers have been unable to distribute the supplies.

What is even more absurd, the military junta is continuing to hold a national referendum on a new constitution despite the country facing this natural disaster and catastrophe. Meanwhile starving survivors are trying to find food amid waterways lined with the rotting bodies of the dead.

The normal reaction - if any - to world disasters is to send money to aid organizations working in the region. At present the military junta is paying lip service, saying they are willing to accept aid “from any corner” - but to date being reluctant to let it in. I want you to call on the government of Myanmar to distribute humanitarian aid to the victims of Cyclone Nargis.

If your country has a representation from the Myanmar Government - i.e. an Embassy - let them know your feelings. Write, fax, phone, email a polite message urging them to let international aid be allowed into their country. Amnesty International USA has a pro forma letter you can email to the US Ambassador - you just add your name & address and press a button. You don’t even have to be a US citizen.

But it should be very easy through the search engines to find the address of your local Embassy (although probably harder to find an email address). And whilst their is a need for urgent action now, this isn’t a problem thats going to be resolved in the short term - so don’t be afraid of snail mail. You can always copy & paste the USA Amnesty letter and adapt as you wish.

There is also a campaign to get the United Nations Security Council — the only body at the UN that can pass binding resolutions - to take action that would allow the international community to send aid to Myanmar whether the Myanmar regime likes it or not. There is a pro forma email you can send to the UN Secretary General.

A final point, if you do want to donate to a charity to help, I’ve sent money to Thirst Aid. From my research they’re a well established, bona fide organization within established links with Myanmar. They have worked inside the country for a number of years and they have a well-established network to get out fresh drinking water - which will be crucial over the next few weeks.

I’ve come across this interesting test that gives you a rating (%) of how much of a perfectionist you are. But most of us know whether or not we are perfectionists, and whether or not it you feel its an asset or hindrance.

There are differing theories as to where perfectionism comes from, some suggesting that there is a genetic component as it tends to run in families. But equally the behavior of parents towards children has a huge effect. If parents are strict, disciplinarians then children learn to fear making mistakes.

If a child only receives love or attention when successful - such as getting top marks in class, they will strive towards perfectionism in adulthood. To be loved, they have to be perfect. And a child who learns either an authoritarian style of parenting or this “conditional love” may well continue with it when dealing with their own children.

Where nature or nurture, I’m not arguing perfectionism is all bad. It can drive high achievement, separating those that win gold medals from those that finish down the field. Recently I gave the example of TV chef Gordon Ramsey, whose bullying behavior can be linked to his own perfectionism, which he expects of others. But he is extremely successful - and very rich!

However, its a myth to say you have to be a perfectionist to succeed. Likewise its perfectionism that gets the best result. Here are some ways to start tacking perfectionism:-

1) Treat yourself as you would a friend. Especially if you impose impossibly high standards on yourself, but not others.

2) Don’t set yourself goals that are unreachable. This creates a vicious circle of blaming yourself for not being good enough when you fail to achieve the goal - and then set further unrealistic goals (saying you must work harder as thats why you didn’t succeed before).

3) If you accept perfectionism is undesirable and undermines your self esteem start writing down the self defeating thoughts that fuel this behavior. Then start challenging the negative thoughts. When you find your self talk full of “I must”, “I have to”, “I need to” - ask yourself why. Look at alternative ways of viewing the situation - combine with thinking how you’d advise a friend.

You may want to write out positive affirmations that reinforce this message

“xxxx will never be perfect, but its still very worth doing.”

“I am capable of doing a very good job, trying to be perfect undermines my performance.”

“I set myself goals that are achievable”

“I will do my best - doing my best is good enough”

“xxxx won’t stop liking/loving me whatever kind of performance I put in.”

4) Stop yourself from doing things that perpetuate perfectionism. This mainly centers on repeatedly redoing something because its not quite perfect. Give yourself cut off times or limit yourself to rewrites/checking.

Making mistakes is how we learn and develop.

“Assert your right to make a few mistakes. If people cannot accept your imperfections, that’s their fault.”

a quote from David Burns, who also said

“Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make you a far happier and more productive person.

The worst thing of all is avoiding doing anything at all, to put off or procrastinate. Again, this is linked with unrealistic goals or how you see the task. Make small, realistic goals - break down tasks until you find something you can undertake. Focus on the journey, the process, rather than getting overwhelmed by the end result or goal.

Image via Wikipedia

“It may be of comparatively little consequence how a man is governed from without, whilst everything depends upon how he governs himself from within. The greatest slave is not he who is ruled by a despot, great though that evil be, but he who is the thrall of his own moral ignorance, selfishness, and vice.” Samuel Smiles Self-help 1859

I recently came across what must be one of the first ever self improvement books. “Self-help” by Samuel Smiles was first published in England in 1859, but was widely translated and sold in thousands worldwide.The book largely chronicles the lives of remarkable people, making much of how ordinary they were at birth. They achieved great things through perseverance and dedication, toiling away through hardship and unremitting hard work.

For example, after about sixteen years labor – during which he burnt his furniture to keep his furnaces going! - Bernard Palissy managed to create enameled pottery.

“These sixteen years had been his term of apprenticeship to the art; during which he had wholly to teach himself, beginning at the very beginning … But he never rested satisfied with what he had accomplished. He proceeded from one step of improvement to another; always aiming at the greatest perfection possible.”

Image via Wikipedia
Still in the nineteenth century, Orison Swett Marden founded Success magazine in the USA. He also wrote “Pushing to the Front”, published the year after the stock crashes and general panic and despondency of 1893. According to W.Clement Stone, Pushing to the Front was instrumental in

“changing the attitude of an entire nation from negative to positive. And that influence was felt throughout the world. He demonstrated that a burning desire can generate the drive to desirable action that is imperative for great achievement”

Orison Swett Marden, like Samuel Smiles, was big on character – to him the cornerstone in building and maintaining success. He felt building a “noble life”, being of true integrity and “well rounded” character counted for more that a ruthless pursuit of money. To him someone who sacrificed everything (family, reputation, health) to make millions was an utter failure.

“The golden opportunity you are seeking is in yourself. It is not in your environment; it is not in luck or chance, or the help of others; it is in yourself alone.”

Times have changed – certainly Samuel Smiles would be shocked that women have the vote, let alone lead remarkable lives! But are their messages still relevant?

Brian Tracy, perhaps a modern day equivalent of Marden and Smiles, uses similar arguments to them when talking about self esteem. A simple definition of self esteem being how much you like yourself. If you like yourself, if you are emotionally in a positive state about you, then it follows you are going to be more efficient in your work. Equally if you start with doing your work well, you like yourself for doing so.

That may sound simplistic, but look at it another way. If you direct your energies at doing a good job, working really well, doing the best you can – how do you feel afterwards? Don’t forget, the quality of the work you do is something that should be within your control. Knowing you have done something well, whatever else is going on and whatever others are saying, should give you a positive self image.

So you can focus on just getting good at what you do, and getting better at what you do and your self esteem goes up and your image improves. You have more energy. You feel happier with yourself. The more you like yourself, the better you do, and then the better you do the more you like yourself, and you get on an upward spiral of life and the two go hand in hand.”Brian Tracy

Tracy reiterates, you cannot be in a downward and upward spiral at the same time. Its hard to like yourself unless you know you are pretty good at the work you do, have some sense of pride in its completion. And you cannot be really good at the work you do unless you like or respect yourself.

“No one who was successful or respected or esteemed was not good at their job.”

So - work hard and get good at what you do?