Jerreigh@contemplayshuns.com

Thought for the Day | Big Fan of Forgiveness

2012-01-16T08:00:00-07:00

"I'm a big fan of forgiveness as long as I'm given the opportunity to get even first."

-- Kinsey Millhone, V is for for Vengence

Thought for the Day | Is It Good?

2012-01-15T13:01:58-07:00

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

Thought for the Day | Both Wrong

2012-01-10T10:00:14-07:00

If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

Merry Christmas from a curmudgeon

2011-12-22T13:05:35-07:00

Merry Christmas. I also hope you have a happy, prosperous new year. Well, prosperous may be a bit of a stretch given the state of the economy.

My greetings extend to those of you who celebrate a different holiday this time of the year. If you do, I hope you have a grand time celebrating whatever you celebrate.

If you're one of those people who go around wishing everyone "happy holidays," I’m happy to accept that as well. But I won't be wishing you "happy holidays." That's because I have achieved one of my longtime goals: Becoming a curmudgeon.

My current curmudgery centers around political correctness in general and "happy holidays" in specific. It seems to me that those of us celebrating Christmas should say so, just as those of you celebrating something else should say that, too -- and we ought to all be grateful we live where we can openly celebrate different things without fuzzing it all up with a generic label that doesn't own up to any of them.

Curmudgery is a word I believe I’ve invented, but I’m happy to be a practitioner. When you’re young, complaining -- even about things that deserve to be complained about -- is often called whining. Later, it becomes a rant. It’s only when people begin to see you as old -- we never see ourselves that way, of course -- that you qualify as a curmudgeon. So, as one who has whined and ranted much of his life, I'm glad now to be able to curmudge. It's still the same thing. But it has a better ring to it.

As long as I'm curmudging about Christmas, I'm inviting those few people who are inclined to buy me a Christmas present not to buy me any more "stuff." I have too much stuff already. I like my friend Adrienne’s idea: If you want to give me a gift, give me a haircut (hint: Adrienne is a great barber) or a massage or something else that will give me pleasure and an American worker the gift of being able to earn a few bucks doing whatever it is they do. Two gifts in one.

But enough curmudging. The whole point of these annual letters is, I believe from the ones I’ve received, to provide a recap of the past year so you can catch everybody up without having to write everyone a personalized letter.

So, let's get on with it. I’m lucky enough to have nine grandchildren in my life. Four of them are mine. Five of there are Mary's. But I have the privilege of watching all of them grow up. All of them are bigger, smarter and cuter than they were at this time last year. I don't know how they do that. It's magic, I think. But I'm glad they do because I enjoy watching them do it.

I'm smaller (I lost 40 pounds), smarter and no cuter (which is to say not cute at all) than I was this time last year. Like the kids, I'm also a year older. They want to be older than they are. And I'm okay with getting older. Being old enough to qualify as a curmudgeon is an interesting time of life.

If you know the kids in my life well enough to care about the details of what happened to them during the past year, you probably already know the details. If you don't know the details, you probably don't care about them anyway. But if you're curious, then let's chat. That's way more fun than a form letter.

I also remain in awe of my grandchildren's parents -- some of whom are my former children. I say "former children" not because I've disowned them or vice versa (as far as I know). I'm still their dad. But they're not children any more. I'm happy to report they all seem to be doing a better job of making it through life than I was doing at their respective ages. I take some credit for that. But not much. They're mostly doing it on their own.

Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. Much love to all. And don't forget to laugh at your problems. Everyone else does.

Never been in Cahoots or Cognito

2011-12-15T10:54:33-07:00

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions. But you have to jump. And I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm. Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent, and I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing.

PLEASE DO YOUR PART! Share this with at least one unstable person. My job is done!

Life is too short for negative drama and petty things. So laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly! And don't forget to laugh at your problems. Everyone else does.

From one unstable person to another, I hope everyone is happy in your head. We're all doing pretty good in mine!

Pray your vote counts

2011-12-07T15:19:08-07:00

Colorado Secretary of State Scott Gessler frets often about how worried he is that Colorado suffers from rampant voter fraud -- although he has yet to offer any proof.

So, what's Gessler doing to "protect" us against voter fraud? According to Denver's daily newspaper, he wants to reduce the security of electronic voting machines used in Colorado.

The machines Gessler wants to use provide no paper trail of how you or I vote. So, they're an open invitation to hacking -- or manipulation by the people who control them. Like our secretary of state.

Gessler wants to make it harder for groups he doesn't think will vote his way to vote at all. And he wants to make it easier for people running the system to hack the system. Of course, no one with control over an electronic machine whose results can't be audited would ever do that. Yeah, right.

I believe in separation of church and state. But I think Gessler's decision means we better pray our votes get counted. Let me modify that. We better pray our votes get counted correctly.

Occupy Wall Street: Why They're Protesting

2011-11-30T20:48:42-07:00

It's not about redistribution. It's about restitution.

Source: FactSpy.Net

Mitt versus Mitt

2011-11-29T19:14:08-07:00

This video was posted to YouTube by the Democratic Party.

From: DemocraticVideo

Four Stages of Life | You & Santa

2008-04-18T14:25:55-06:00

The four stages of Life:

1. You believe in Santa Claus

2. You don't believe in Santa Claus

3. You are Santa Claus

4. You look like Santa Claus

Foreploy | Tricks For the Hard Up

2008-04-17T08:51:32-06:00

The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter and supply a new definition. This year’s winners.

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off these bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Glibido: All talk and no action. See f oreploy.
Dopeler effect*: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor* (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
And the pick of the literature -- Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.