Contents of Perception

371.

2009-11-19T23:16:00.000-03:00

Low impulse. No impulse. Low impulse. Inertia.

370.

2009-11-18T20:57:00.000-03:00

There are days closer to death than others. There are places closer to bliss than others. The only way to not mud your shoes is stepping on milestones. But they're too far away one from the other. That's why you wanna burn when you're young: want to move them closer, or jump longer, and end the road earlier, but clean. The last rebellion dies before 20.

369.

2009-11-17T14:09:00.003-03:00

The sun is raising. In front of me there's a church with two domes.

One day won't be there anymore. To my side there's a bird on a branch. One day won't be there anymore.
It's the afternoon. One day, I won't be here to be standing in the shadow anymore.

No more blogging the moment, no more mistakes or joys. No more. No-one. Nothing. Never.
I build the hope to be some place else next, but may stop being forever aswell. Religion is built on the uncertainty, and the implied fear of tomorrow.
It's the night. All I have is now, and it feels far too small to cling to. But look!... I'm very, very, infinitesimally small too.

368.

2009-11-16T23:37:00.001-03:00

The assertion that mankind can actually kill the planet is yet another expression of ignorance on natural laws, and self-indulgence in our pitiful power. Is not the planet what can be destroyed.

367.

2009-11-15T23:40:00.000-03:00

This is my blog. It started in one way, now it develops in another. Before, I wrote in one way, now I seem to write in another. And it will change again. Because his owner changes.

It was composed in many colours: black and white first, later brown and black, after that it was teal and white, now is white and orange. The font also changed.

White is the colour of purity and hope. Orange is the colour of the spiritual search. My blog is white and orange because, through my problems and accompanying other people's problems, I'm on a spiritual search for my purity and my bliss.

366.

2009-11-14T23:46:00.002-03:00

Looking for the paths and doors out of the left hemisphere of the brain, and into the right side.

365.

2009-11-13T23:20:00.000-03:00

This is my ceiling fan. It stirs the air and it feels like heaven.

I don't like air conditioners. I never knew why.
I don't like the unnatural cold. There's too much unnatural coldness in the world. My ceiling fan refreshes me, and in a way, keeps me warm. Good combination.

364.

2009-11-11T23:42:00.001-03:00

This is my white door. I can see through it from the inside.

My door has been opened to friends, welcomed. My door has been opened by burglars, unwelcome.
I need two keys to open it. One lock is higher than the other one. The door doesn't have an opening knob on the outside. One of the locks opens it: The one above. The higher one is the most important. So I start to open the lower first, then the one above.

For everyone, the higher instance is always the most important to open.

363.

2009-11-10T10:54:00.004-03:00

Sometimes I leave to work with the breathing feeling of giving an inspiring class, and I do, mostly when I feel like that in the beginning; then I come back home with the sense that I gave something nice to the world... and that it's time for yet another change of career, I won't fool myself about that.

362.

2009-11-09T05:17:00.000-03:00

Trying to reinsert what's left of myself into what's left of society. :-) I hope all of us could see how much we need our fellowmen.

361.

2009-11-07T23:46:00.000-03:00

This is my laptop computer. It was a perfect present.
It has a green cover, like a frog. Some other times a purple cover, like a frog. But it's white inside, like a frog.

Green is the symbol of youth and growing, and it's the most common in nature. Purple is the symbol of suffering and royalty, and it's the less common in nature. White is the symbol of purity.
Since youth, we all must go growing, through the implied suffering, that turn us into the royalty of our inner domain of purity.
The content and the expression of my computer represents me.

360.

2009-11-06T12:30:00.002-03:00

Love yourself better than you've been loved by the one who loved you the best.

359.

2009-11-03T22:37:00.002-03:00

This is my left hand.

It never had real hard work, or built up a house, as my grandfather left hand did.
It helps me to hold the Shift key down, use the trackpad, and to use the brakes of the bikes. And it has some sexual abilities.
I think my hands are my best physical trait. I inherited them from my grandfather, who had extremely beautiful hands. I remember them very well.
The left hand is the symbol of Vāmācāra, in tantric practices. I think the Vāmācāra traditions, and by extention all traditions that encourage to go through impurity, are needed for the freedom of the individual to find its very personal path in this life. Knowing the experience of the good and the bad helps to choose what's right for yourself.

358.

2009-11-02T16:18:00.000-03:00

You are all that I want to be.

357.

2009-11-01T12:51:00.001-03:00

There's a beautiful sky today.

It's covered. But behind the clouds, there's a beautiful sky today.
The sky is a symbol of the future. Specially of the future dreamt as a community.

356.

2009-10-27T22:35:00.017-03:00

Friday.

Visiting parents.
Tornado. Lots of things flying. Everything breaking everything.
Rough sleep.

Saturday.

Fixing. Too much fixing. Lots of work. Tired. No hunger. Coming back home one day late.

They broke into my house. No more computers. No artwork. No project. No resources. No TV. No Ray-Ban's. No shaver. No drill. No router. No expensive shoes. No expensive clothes. No laptop bags. No coffee maker. No credit cards. No money. No caps. No speakers. No music. No keys.

No more dream of her. No more illusion. Yes, things have changed.

Crying in the shower. Dehydrated. Locked in. No hunger.
Sleeping among the ruins.

Sunday.

Locks changed. Cleaning up the heavy mess. Crying in the shower.
Police declaration. Buying groceries. What for? Hands hurt. Crying over groceries. Dehydrated.

Is this home? Drank all the water. Asking for help. No help.

Thank you all, you are wonderful. Nobody is.
No hunger.
Crying in the shower.
Sleeping. Cold. Hot. Cold. Hot. Crying. Sleeping. Woken up by pee. Make it stop. Sleeping.

Monday.

First day of work. My pants are big now. What happened with you? Why they ask if they walk away? Weakness. Depression. Mockery. What's going on with you now? Pressure. Wanna write Fuck You on my back and walk away.

Bought water. Heavy bottles.
Kind e-mail. Kind response. Yes, things have changed. No hunger. Forced eating. Yuk. Drank half the bottles.
Crying in the shower.
Sleeping. Pee. Punch the wall. Cry. Sleep.

Tuesday morning.

Most professional person I know, lashed out for being "unprofessional". WTF all around.
Students fucking around. Tension rising.
Back home. Trying to find receipts for the insurance company. Hours wasted. None found. Tension hurting the neck.

Tuesday afternoon.

I zombie. Hurting neck.
Broken server. "It is fiiine!"… Not fine, R.A.I.D. fucked up. Hours wasted. Heavy work ahead. What the fuck all round.
Broken cellphone, 700 dollars to the garbage. All her messages lost. No communication. No peace.
Insurance company doesn't takes charge of my loss. Why not! What else now?

Tuesday evening.

Sweat.
Trying to work. Drugged students. Fucking everything up. Why in school? Stole two cellphones. Too late. Everything fucked up. Student girl fainted three times. Everything fucked up for real. Heavy breathing. Everything fucked up really hard. Student girl having convulsions. This is fucking hell. Ambulance very late. No. It's not real. We are all into a nightmare. Wake up. No waking up.
Ride to the hospital. Fucking conversation. Trying to elude the pain. Fucking blaming. Trying to elude responsibility. Wake up.

Tonight.

Girl somehow OK. Mother worried. Principal worried. Two teachers worried. I zombie. Wake up.
I take you home.
Now home. No home. No hunger. Give me water. Crying in the shower.
Typing now.

FUCK

THEM

ALL

FUCK

THE

WORLD

Late night now. No hunger. Water. Tea.

Typing yet.
No Sounds. Silence now. Stunningly miserable. Stop writing shit.
Loneliness.
I zombie. Wait for sleep.

355.

2009-10-25T00:53:00.000-03:00

( Broken yes, but alive )

354.

2009-10-24T22:35:00.002-03:00

Humans are creatures of customs! They have the custom of breaking into my house and I have the custom of letting them in! :-D
Seriously I must block my doors very well tonight, they have the keys. I'm almost as strong as a beautiful green shiny frog.

353.

2009-10-23T22:57:00.001-03:00

I like the poetry of Frogden Nash.

352.

2009-10-22T23:56:00.000-03:00

You know you're too stressed out if:

- You pee while you flush.
- Your coffee is always instant, made with hot tap water.
- The ringing in your ears have a clear tune and it's mocking you.
- You speak perfectly clear broken sentences and become annoyed of the stupidity of all who can't get your stunning clarity.
- You always count one number over the real amount to get ahead the tendency.

So, if you scored five out of this list of "six", then you need a stress reduction kit.

351.

2009-10-21T22:51:00.000-03:00

While a guru alleviates angst, a froguru amphibiates it. Genius!

350.

2009-10-20T23:42:00.000-03:00

It's Raining Frogs! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Frogs! Oh, yeah!

Humidity is rising - Barometer's getting low
According to all sources, the street's the place to go
Cause tonight for the first time
Just about half-past four
For the first time in history
It's gonna start raining frogs.

It's Raining Frogs! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Frogs! Oh, yeah!...

349.

2009-10-19T23:15:00.000-03:00

Never needed to understand anybody to love them.

348.

2009-10-18T22:54:00.000-03:00

Why if this life is mine I try to make it better to others?

347.

2009-10-17T23:28:00.000-03:00

I cry because I'm not who I need to be.