.Contrafibularities

Of social commentary and the love of the game.

2012-03-17T02:25:00.001+08:00

I have just finished the 3rd installment in the Mass Effect series of action-RPGs. For the non-gaming folk among you, it would not really give any cause for celebration, reflection or concern. It is, after all, merely a videogame, no? Where you control non-real things on a screen with non-real emotions, and non-real settings, in a non-real universe.

Be surprised then, at the following revelation : I find my perceptions and ethical leanings, have been irrevocably, if subtly, altered.

I have always felt that in order to fully understand what is required to gain enough critical mass for pan-human salvation, there are certain sacrifices that need to be made, and that not everyone could, or should, be carried forward through to the perceived utopia that we aim to create in the next level of our continued existence. It is erroneous of me, to even conceive of this notion. Why? Because if we do not attempt to save everyone, regardless of their own inclinations, then we cut out the very core of enlightened humanism. That is the shift in a nutshell. Empirically, it seems to not be much. Lest that sort of deviation be underplayed, to illustrate its importance you can draw a parallel with planetary orbits. Shift the Earth's direction by just half a degree, and we'd all be dead in decades. I have indeed set upon a new path.

It is startling, most of all to me, that such alterations of my core thought processes can occur due to a videogame, after all. Even one which I have more emotional investment in than any other game I have ever had the privilege of experiencing. Whilst I have been at the forefront of the school of thought that prescribes to the idea of gaming being as legitimate an artform as film or music, even I find the scale of the shift in my moral code breathtakingly invigorating.

I must admit, the twin thrusts of attempting to explain just how much has changed within my head, and the impact that the game itself has had on my heart, is probably too much for one post to cover. There will be more in the future, that shall spill forth across these pages. Or not.

After all, it's only a videogame.

And.. I'm back.

2012-03-01T19:06:00.001+08:00

After another hiatus which can only be explained by a combination of lethargy, work stress and the crippling lack of time that plagues those of us with questionable motivational powers, I am indeed back.

Sort of. Maybe.

Stick around, if you feel so inclined :)

Of shitty internet & new beginnings.

2011-10-13T01:36:00.002+08:00

The internet has not been cooperative over the past few days. I've missed various writing deadlines for articles that I had wished to put up here for everyone's perusal. They have all disappeared into the Internet heaven known as connection-goddamnint-timeout. So this will have to do for now.

Site news first. There is no Red-Eyed Devil episode this week as Manchester United did not play any matches. We had the unedifying site of Wayne Rooney doing his best to remind us all that he still has a darkside that isn't as easily hidden as Palpatine's,regardless of the positive result which saw England qualify for a major international tournament. R-E-D Ep 3 will be up on Monday, with analysis and opinions on the Liverpool-Manchester United tie. I have been cautioned against calling it a derby, by a Scouser who happens to be a head taller than me. Even though he speaks less English than I do.

There was no Xplitshock column last week as I was travelling, and there will be a delay for this week's column due to news that I will be disseminating shortly. Xplitshock Ep 2 will be up next week, on either Tuesday or Wednesday.

Now, on to the more important issues of the day. First of all, it is a great pleasure for me to actually say what I'm about to say : I have been offered the opportunity to be the latest member of Lucideas Creative! I got the call on Monday, with Melissa's smile actually being communicated through SMS before I actually heard it in her voice on the phone. And it was the start of a quite astonishing week.

Never mind the actual work that I had to rush to be able to take up my new responsibilities at Lucideas. Never mind the extra hours being put into planning the big move from hometown to megacity. Never mind the extra headaches and financial outlay required to make this all happen.

As the day of departure nears, I am swamped with feelings of elation and sorrow. Of excitement and trepidation. Of joy and sadness.This is it, you know? I'm leaving. For real. No more dress rehearsals for the job interviews. No more guarantee of being able to come back to the hometown when the money runs out. The time has come for the next chapter, the next act.

My chest seems to want to burst simultaneously with both pride and panic. Will I be a success? Will I be a complete and utter failure? All pertinent, yet irrelevant questions. Because they don't offer the ultimate measure upon which this adventure, this journey, will be judged. Each time you undertake an endeavour that requires a commitment beyond what you had ever done before, do not judge the merits of such outings on such a tangible and arbitrary manner.

Because all I really need to know, is this : Will I be able to find myself?

Music Review - ATB : Distant Earth

2011-10-07T19:08:00.000+08:00

Credit: born2trance.com

This article first appeared here :

ATB - Addicted to Bass, or All-new Tech Beats?

Credit: www.urban.ro

The DJ World's left-field man is back.

This is certainly a departure from Andre Tanneberger's previous efforts. Let's get that out of the way first.

The German DJ, widely considered to be one of the best in the world having been ranked at number 11 by DJ Magazine for the past 3 years, is best known for hits such as his debut 9p.m(Till I come) and trance anthems such as Ecstasy. However, those that are looking for similar musical stylings from this album, his latest album since 2009's Future Memories, will be left disappointed.

Persevere though, and the listening experience becomes a pleasurable one, if slightly jarring along the way.

ATB - Distant Earth (Minimix HD)

ATB's Latest Album preview

Disc 1

Let's get loud.

Disc 1 sounds as though it is intended to be a blend of trance and house, with tracks seemingly covering the penumbra between these two genres. Is it chillout? Is it dance? That seems to be a question of personal interpretation, although it has to be said that there are elements of both in almost all tracks.

Whilst this writer does indeed recognise the peaks and troughs of typical trance music (4/4 timings, 130bpm, characteristic 'drops' / climaxes), these sorts of musical staples are used sparingly throughout, and only seem very obvious on songs with a wider spectrum of sound, such as Apollo Road, All I Need is You, and Move On. Apollo Road (a colllaboration with Dash Berlin) deserves a special mention however, as it is the only song on the entire album that bears any relation to ATB's previous trance anthems, with its grandeur-filled climaxes, consistent beat, and beautifully laid out arrangements of various electronica instruments.

Truth be told, there is a lot of variety on this part of the album, and in some places, it flows extremely well, with most tracks obviously related to a thematic sound that ATB has seemingly put together. However, there are tracks that seemingly do not fit in at all with the overall musical theme of the 1st disc. The biggest offender is clearly This is Your Life, with Fuldner failing to impress with his pseudo rap, followed by poor vocal work by JanSoon and a lack of polish from ATB himself on the rather risible Gold.

Standout tracks? Apart from the afore-mentioned Apollo Road, nods go to Twisted Love featuring Christina Soto, as well as HeartBeat with Amurai and Melissa Loretta. Both Melissa and Christina recall the beauty of the vocal stylings by Tiff Lacey on Ecstasy (2004), yet have their own unique sound.

Disc 2

Let's get comfy.

Disc 2 is far more consistently paced compared to Disc 1. Unfortunately for most people, it will be paced far too slowly. The bpm is a lot lower, there is no track that anyone could conceivably dance to. It is, for lack of a better word, a Chillout session on a disc. It is this slower pace that undoubtedly helps it along.

How so? Because musical flow is far more pronounced on Disc 2 than Disc 1, with no tracks really standing out as party poopers. And it is on this Disc that ATB really shines. You will find some of the most beautifully emotive electronica music ever made on this part of the album, with standouts being Vice-Versa (with Armin Van Buuren), Magnetic Girl and Moments in Peace.

credit : born2trance.com

A nod has to be thrown in the direction of the rather delightful Moving Backwards, featuring Kate Louise Smith. It is not the best song on the album, but it is one that this writer keeps on coming back to. Simple lyrics with a simple yet elegant electronic arrangement are indicative of ATB's talent for massaging beauty out of what most laymen consider random beats and beeps.

The titular track Distant Earth is another triumph of simplicity and elegance. However, the disc is not without missteps. Trinity, whilst a beautiful track in itself, sounds more like an orchestral composition than a thematically linked song with the rest of the Disc. City of Hope hopes to achieve the same levels of elegance and simplicity as other tracks, but falls short due to what seems to be formulaic and filler-style arrangements. Strenwanderer never seems to make any sort of momentum whatsoever, with the diminished sound coming off as banal.

Disc 2 is clearly meant as an excuse to whack up the hifi system and just bathe in the sounds of a clearly relaxed and matured ATB. It has some of his most brilliant work yet.

So should you?

Is ATB worth your time?

Undoubtedly, he is. This isn't the bombastic trance fest that could conceivably be expected by someone who has grown up listening to ATB's Ecstasy (still his biggest hit to date), but it is an accomplished effort that warrants space on your music shelf. Even if you are not an electronica fan.
Yes, there are missteps and jarring additions that do not belong on this album's musical canvas, but they are not dealbreakers. From the soaring efforts of Apollo Road to the studied miasma of Magnetic Girl, it is a triumph of brilliance and clearly shows the work of a settled, confident artiste at the top of his game.

This article first appeared here :

Of traveled souls and weary flight.

2011-10-07T18:21:00.001+08:00

The new XplitShock column was supposed to be put up today, but I've had to delay it as I'm still on the road and traveling. For that, I apologise.

As I type this, I'm sitting on an uncomfortable and barely padded bench in Miri airport, counting down the hours to my flight back home to Kuching. (For the record, it's scheduled for 9.05pm, 3 hours from now. Oh joy). I barely got to see anything of interest in Labuan, due to my own tiredness and the sheer tedium of having to sit through a regional sales meeting. It seemed a nice enough place, and I might pop back over in the future.

My thoughts for the day have centered on two things : future job opportunities, and what to do if I do get one. The question of money is not the main thing, although that is obviously part of the motivation in finding gainful employment. I find myself wondering how, if at all, I'm going to grow. This is all moot, however, should I not find meaningful employment in the fantastically hectic settings of Kuala Lumpur. The yearning for answers to these queries serves to indicate, more than anything else, my intense desire to make something for myself. At least, that's what I believe it to be.

Traveling like this though, with the lonely solitary nights in hotel rooms and the isolationist feel of being on your own, is probably something I won't miss too much regarding my current position of employment. Flying around all the time, being a supposed jetsetter, has its perks. You're part of the jetset, right? But all that solitude.. Sometimes, it just gets too much. Missing loved ones, your kid, your family and friends. It's a special kind of courage that is required to truly make the most of such a situation. To keep on boarding that plane that takes you away from all that you value most and love.

I just want to stay at home with my daughter and play hide-n-seek till I run out of energy. Which will be long before she runs out of hers.

As it is, I'm grateful at least, for this sort of experience. Suffering depravity amplifies the simple mercies that life affords us. Whether it be waking up to the cries of your children making a mess of breakfast, or the oddly comforting sound of your siblings arguing with your parents. I know that my future employment choices will mean that these mercies will be taken from me. I understand the concept of the price that I will be paying in order to find myself. What I probably do not understand yet, is the depth of the price that will have to be paid for that to happen.

Then again, the cost of merely staying in a comfort zone and coasting along in life.. It does not bear thinking about.

The sun has set here in Miri. I consider it a poignant coincidence, as I ponder the sunset of one phase of my life, and the potential dawn of another. The brilliance of such happenings mirror the fantastical parallels that accompany our journey through the different chapters of our existence. In a week when the world's most famous tech company mourned and celebrated the end of an era and the emergence of a new one, I eagerly await the birth of another.

My own.

End of an Era - RIP Steve Jobs, 1955 - 2011

2011-10-06T20:16:00.000+08:00

I am currently on a business trip to Labuan, and it was with a sense of deep sadness that as I checked into my room and switched on CNN, I was greeted with the announcement of the death of former Apple CEO and Apple Chairman, Steve Jobs.

I am not a huge fan of Apple products. Maybe in the future I will provide an insight into that stance, and why I have an issue with their technological vision. As for the man though, he is undoubtedly one of the greatest technology CEOs that has ever lived. Better eulogies have been written all over the internet for the man, and I will not attempt one myself until I feel ready to fully expand on the ideas that he has inspired in me.

So rest in peace, Steve. Your genius will not be forgotten.

image : Apple.com

Of queried labels and finite time.

2011-10-04T22:27:00.000+08:00

What a day it's been. I've been in KL for two days now, taking in the sights and sounds, and getting down and dirty with why I came here in the first place.

Job interviews.

I had a very interesting one today. One that combined my appalling propensity to talk too much, with my equally dreadful habit of talking too quickly when even slightly nervous.

The company in question is called Lucideas, and is a marketing communications company located in KL. I had been spectacularly nervous before this, because I had never done any campaign planning or presentations as part of any interview process. The jitters before said interview were some of the worst I had ever experienced. Having been in debate tournament finals before, I can safely say which one is scarier! (Hint - not the debating)

However, the late afternoon interview soon became an early evening chat, and I found myself comfortable and openly engaged by the wonderful people that had taken time out to speak to me. My hat is doffed in the direction of Zac for being a good sport, and especially to Melissa, who offered much warmth and encouragement as I underwent the interview process.

I loved the vibe at the office, and I seemed to find it very easy to get along with the personnel that I met. They have a very different work culture at Lucideas, compared to where I had been to before. It is a place that I sincerely wish to be a part of. My fervent hope is that they consider me good enough to become part of the family there. It helps that an old friend, whom I haven't seen in YEARS, actually works there (talk about coincidences and cue the singing for *It's a small world after all*).

I am not getting ahead of myself, however. There are still some obstacles in the way. Major obstacles, as it is.

At the very least though, for one day, I can feel happy that I was welcomed with open arms at Lucideas. Hopefully I'll be back.

Red-Eyed Devil : Ep 2 - A Blip, or the start of a slide?

2011-10-02T22:42:00.000+08:00

Past weeks' results :

Stoke 1 - 1 Man Utd
Man Utd 3 - 3 Basel FC
Man Utd 2 - 0 Norwich

And so we've emerged from three games we would ordinarily have expected to win, with two draws instead and a solitary win over Premiership newbies Norwich. Whilst a case can be made for the excellence of Stoke on the day, many more questions need to be asked of United after their rather tepid performances in the subsequent fixtures.

Ashley Young : Missing Versus Basel (credit : free-football-wallpapers.com)

An examination of United's Champions League exertions in midweek reveal two very telling things : Tom Cleverley continues to have his reputation grow in the absence of credible performances from his stand-ins, namely Michael Carrick and Darren Fletcher; United without Ashley Young, Rooney and Welbeck on the same pitch look one-paced, one-dimensional and vulnerable.

Whilst Sir attempted to mitigate the effect of missing personnel by packing the midfield with the 4-5-1 formation of yesteryear, United were far too open and kept on losing possession in rather dicey situations. The chief culprit for the Basel game has to be Anderson, who seems to be an accident waiting to happen every time he receives the ball in front of the back 4 (a rather shocking mistake VS Chelsea a few weeks ago comes to mind).


Anderson has been making a lot of mistakes	(credit : whoateallthepies.tv)

The perpetual motion machine that registered such barnstorming results over Arsenal and Bolton relied on continuous movement and fluid passing to starve the opposition of the ball and prevent opponents from having enough of the ball to provide any sort of meaningful and sustained pressure. United had so many players rotating and pressing all over the pitch that the opposition were drawn out of position regularly, and could not get organised quickly enough to launch proper counter attacks.

Without this sort of fluidity in attack, defence becomes inherently harder. With Rio looking like he's elsewhere and Vidic out, the back 4 has been in a constant state of upheaval. With a new goalkeeper that doesn't speak English as well to integrate into the backline, and a green recruit (Jones), it is no wonder that the defence hasn't been as solid this season. Without the benefit of out-of-position opponents as a result of an expansive attack, United have made themselves susceptible to opponents who themselves attempt to attack with pace and directness.

Most of Basel's most fruitful attacks (and their goals) came as a result of mistakes made with sloppy, slow passing in midfield, and swift counter attacks up the field. The same could be said of Norwich's opportunities, although they lacked the class of players such as Alexander Frei to make the most of them, resulting in the rather flattering scoreline. United had too many players up in attack trying to mix it up, resulting in gaping holes that the opposition can exploit. Their goals incidentally came when United just decided to play it simple. If we play like this against Barcelona, we'd be well and truly rogered.

So where do United go from here? There is a scary resemblance to the rather dour and grinding performances of United circa Sept '10, and yet United still managed to win the title. The answer does not seem to come in the shape of Berbatov, who is beginning to look like Ruud van Nistelrooy in his last year at United. A classy player no doubt, but one ill-suited to the pace and tempo that this United team want to play at. A return to the marauding performances of August requires a return to the mindset that characterised them. Fearless, effervescent and energetic, with pace and power.

Cleverley : Missed? (credit : livesoccertv.com)

The impending return of Cleverley is one that all United fans are looking forward to, with Anderson looking like something close to being reliable and solid with the young Englishman to partner him. Rooney has got to stop trying to do everything, because he is far more useful upfield where he can do the most damage. Carrick should never be used as a starting player against anyone save for the lower reaches of the Premier League, because his lack of dynamism merely serves to illustrate the slow-paced nature of his play, which in turn hinders the rest of the team.

The impending games versus the old enemy (Liverpool) and the noisy neighbours (Manchester City) are not season-defining, but are important in the context of making sure that United do not fall into the clutches of a slump, and continue their previous good form. The match in between, versus Champions League newbies Otelul Galati, should (and I say this with the most amount of caution I can muster) be dealt with ably.

Upcoming fixtures :
12 45 GMT 15.10.2011 Liverpool Vs Manchester United
19 45 GMT 18.10.2011 Otelul Galati Vs Manchester United
13 30 GMT 23.10.2011 Manchester United Vs Manchester City

Of tired minds and old party animals that won't retire.

2011-10-01T06:02:00.000+08:00

I was thinking about a lot of things at this late hour. Chief among those concerns was how am I going to make ends meet once I get out there into the real world. I appreciate all that my parents have done for me, and the employment opportunities that have been presented to me by them. Nothing can adequately express the love and gratitude I feel for their role in my life.

It is, however, time to move on.

It was when considering the relative merits of certain money-making ideas that I realised quite belatedly that the weekend is upon us. Whilst I would normally greet such a happening with a quick scroll through the handphone contact list and arrangement of various get-togethers and club-hopping, nothing of the sort happened to me when I woke up earlier today (Friday). All I could think about, was where I was going to find the means to pay my own bills (and of course, meeting special someones).

It was a seismic shift in terms of outlook. I didn't even realise I had gotten so far along this train. Am I glad it has happened? Yes, up to a point.

I enjoy parties as much as anyone can possibly enjoy them. I live it up when I can, with a daughter in tow and other responsibilities to fulfill. It has been the way of the land for me for quite a while now. I was comfortable.. And to quote Incubus, "going nowhere fast." This is a big step for me, and one that I hope to appreciate more in the coming days as I finally, FINALLY, decide to actually grow. It leaves me with one burning question though.

Will I ever be able to experience the highs and happiness of years gone by? Will I be able to appreciate those sorts of moments with the same intensity and elation of yesteryear? Can I possibly hope to find the points in time that have anchored the various periods of my life, that stand out to me as defining benchmarks of how I should feel and emote?

Or will I be too obsessed with moving on quickly to the Next Important Thing, or the New Project that will surely dominate my future life, at the expense of savouring the here and now?

I do not know. One thing is for sure. I invite you all along with me on the ride, to find out.

Red-Eyed Devil : Ep 1 - An Introduction

2011-10-01T01:08:00.001+08:00

This is simply, a Manchester United and Football column. There, that wasn't hard, was it? :)

Est 1878

I have been a Manchester United supporter for over 20 years. My first memory that I can clearly recall of Man U was watching them on TV in the UK, when they whipped Nottingham Forest 5-0. Before that, we (my family and I) had gone to Old Trafford a few times as part of our driving holidays, as my parents were students studying their Masters Degrees in Scotland. We never actually got to attend a match at OT, but seemed to show up their on matchdays when on holiday. Some of my most cherished possessions include photos taken with Mark Hughes and Neil Webb.

Credit : Jordan M Brumley (http://studentweb.fortlewis.edu/JMBRUMLEY/Soccer.html)

I realise that to some United supporters, and probably most Mancunians, my credentials do not stand up to consideration when assessing what makes a true United supporter. I stand by my club, however, regardless of the 'Bandwagon' jibes that are inevitably directed my way by those that consider birthplace a pre-requisite for being a supporter. I understand that viewpoint, because football at heart is a tribal sport, and one that appeals to our individual need to be part of the collective. We are one tribe after all, and tribes tend to be geographical in nature first and foremost, before attracting followers and converts from elsewhere.

Nick Hornby probably does a better job of describing it than I ever could, regardless of how many blogposts I put up about it.

To those that do not know who or what Manchester United are, I urge you to go visit their website and read up on them. :) (psst, it's www.manutd.com).

This column will be a weekly affair, with updates to come on Monday or Tuesday. So do come back, for your weekly dose of Red-Eyed Devil.

XplitShock : Ep 1 - An Introduction

2011-09-30T00:34:00.002+08:00

I'll start off with an explanation of what this is supposed to be.

Every week, owing to my propensity to play games far more than is considered healthy for a 20 something male, I will be writing a column that expresses my love for this particular medium and discussing topics of the day. Or week. Whichever comes to mind.

First of all, why XplitShock?

Xplit (Split) comes from my own personality, being the indoor gaming hermit that I am, coupled with my propensity for outdoors-y activities such as sports, the occasional party and odd debate tournament or public speaking competition.

The DualShock3

Shock comes from the Sony PlayStation's controller, the DualShock, and indicates where I do most of my gaming. I suppose that must have been quite obvious to the well-informed among you.

As it is, the motivation behind this column is simple - I want to share my love of videogames with the world and my views on it. It is a dynamic medium, an interactive playground where your imagination, principles and views are merged with and challenged by that of the developers that have done their best to bring you into their world. No other medium of entertainment comes close to this sort of interactivity and immersion.

Lightning (Final Fantasy XIII)

No, I'm not talking about Angry Birds. I'm talking about games such as the Metal Gear Solid franchise, Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts and God Of War. Games that transcend mere fun, and become genuine experiences that alter perceptions, raise questions and provoke discussions.

Having said that, I do intend to talk about the platforms themselves, as well as the state that the industry is in from time to time. After all, we can't have games without a games industry, can we?

So do come back, every Thursday or Friday, for your weekly dose of XplitShock. :)

The new NEW Facebook.

2011-09-29T00:46:00.000+08:00

I've seen a lot of hate being spewed out over the Internet regarding the new Facebook interface. Comments have ranged from 'Stalker-ish ' to 'MARK ARE YOU CRAZY WHY I DUN GEDDIT?!' It is a source of amusement that this topic seems to provoke so much outrage at all, considering that Facebook has gone through many interface changes before.

Those changes provoked similar levels of vitriol and bile being directed at Messrs Zuckerberg & Co. But guess what? You're still on Facebook.

What continues to provide much mirth and merriment is that in spite of all that hate, people continue to use Facebook, regardless of its interface changes or liberal view on privacy. It is because of this that the Facebook team see no problem with all that they are doing. Hardly anyone is leaving Faecbook. There are hundreds and thousands of new users daily.

Simply put, they can do anything that they want, and people will put up with it.

This makes me wonder about the sort of expectations that people have on social networks such as Facebook and Twitter. Just what do you really want from all of these things? Everyone should know by now that the Internet is a domain that places privacy pretty low on the list of priorities, even if it's Facebook we're talking about. You put your information up there, and people can see it. "Ahh, but I can set privacy settings, right?"

Right up to a point. Because people at Facebook can still see what you've stuck up there. For you to have true privacy, indulge in a real physical social network, not an electronic one such as Facebook. Call your friends and family up. Meet them. Print out your photos. Make copies for everyone. That's what real social interaction is like. Have coffee. Make dinner parties. Consequently, and no surprise here, you can actually control who you meet, what they see, and what you want to keep to yourself. Job done, you have your 'privacy.'

I appreciate Facebook as much as the next guy, and I enjoy it for what it is. It is not the by-word for social interaction and privacy that many people seem to perceive it to be. Which is the point. Facebook will not replace your real friends or the secrets you share with them. Remember that the next time you complain that Mark and the Gang are stripping away every layer of privacy you have.

You asked for it.

Going out into the real world.

2011-09-28T00:56:00.000+08:00

I have been rather active lately. Now that I've finally graduated, it seems as though plenty of new opportunities have the potential to present themselves. I'm not too sure what direction my life will take after this. Many things are up in the air. One thing is for certain though.

I will not go back to how I did things before.

I've applied for several different jobs in KL. All have either been advertising/branding/PR jobs or Writing. I realise that I have no work experience in these matters at all, but it's what I've always wanted to do. Playing the numbers game and the creative game at the same time? What a challenge to have!

Having said that, it hasn't been easy. I'm closer to 30 than 20, and I have never had to compete with anyone for a job in my life. I've never been exposed to the cruelty of the job interview or the crushing sense of disappointment that accompanies rejection. It's all new to me. It's something that I am having difficulty adapting to. Waking up, wondering what news shall greet me today, be it good or bad. Worrying where the next paycheck is going to come from.

Trapped by the freedom that comes without the safety net of a parental bank account.

I've been coasting along for so long in life, I barely even realised that any momentum I had ever built up, had already been filed away by the inertia of complacency. My growth has ground to a spectacular halt. I'm glad, for what it's worth, that I am able to even recognise this problem and to have the presence of mind to consider doing something about it. I owe much to those around me that have helped me see this.

Arrogance has been my undoing before this. I hope that humble ignorance can be the start of an epiphanic rebirth of the person that I am going to be, for the rest of my life.

I need an outlet of some kind.

2011-02-16T10:08:00.000+08:00

And then I remembered I still own this little corner of the world to rant in.

*sigh*

I had so much more to say when I booted up the laptop. Now it's all gone.

I'm sorry.

I had a dream.

2010-11-09T11:21:00.000+08:00

...But no song to sing.

As it is, it has been a rather hectic three weeks.

I am so tired. I am stressed. I need a holiday.

I need some loving.

Worth.

2010-10-15T02:01:00.000+08:00

Do not underestimate the value of a 10 minute encounter.

Spending time with someone for whatever amount of time... Most people don't realise that the qualitative nature of a meeting is of far more empirical importance than the quantity of it. You could have 3 hours with a person that turn out to be unfulfilling, dry and turgid.

Or 10 minutes with someone that could change the very way your soul feels.

Are we so caught up on quantity now? Does spending more time with someone, really mean that it is time better spent?

I've thought long and hard about this. I've thought about what it means for me to be able to see someone and to spend time with them. I've considered all of this in the context of my own issues, and my own demons. Of my own insecurities and my own anxieties. Of my own history and my own checkered past.

I would rather have ten minutes with you. Than 3 hours, with anyone else.

Hmm.

2010-10-11T11:59:00.000+08:00

I thought the disappointment and pain would be over by now.

But it still hasn't subsided.

I think I'll write about the Yayasan Sarawak Debate Championships when they're actually over. The final is still on Wednesday (13th October 2010), so I'll hold off whatever it is I have to say until then, about it.

On to lighter news and happenings.

Socialising during a debate tournament is always fun. Granted, of course, that the company is suitably agreeable and voluntary in terms of participation. As it is, and thankfully so, many were during this tournament. I know that this sounds quite elitist, but there is nothing that incentivises conversation more than the promise that it will be intelligent, humourous and far-reaching. And that is more often than not more likely to occur during a debate tournament.

Naturally, nobody at a debate tournament is going to be a an idiot. They ARE in a debating environment after all. The laws of natural selection (well, debater selection committees, at least) dictate that a higher quality of conversationist is bound to make it through to the celebrated circle of interaction that forms during tournaments.

I have had the fortune of meeting some truly interesting people, and getting to know people whom I thought I knew, even better. Win-win all round, eh? More so than the debating, this is probably the best part of any tournament. Going somewhere with your friends, and coming away with new ones. Bonding with those that you have shared experiences with. Sharing collective anger when things are definitely stacked against you (more on this later).

May these new friendships last, and the old ones get better :)

'Cause you're amazing. Just the way you are.

2010-10-01T14:27:00.000+08:00

Patently, Bruno Mars is singing about a girl that does not exist. A pretty/hot/beautiful girl will have been told so many times that she is, that it would have been embedded into her subconscious self by then, thereby rendering the argument that she wouldn't realise it, impossible.

Unrealistic depictions of romance are commonplace in songs, after all. But I digress. Because at least one line is true in it. Some girls really are amazing, just the way they are. And I despair at the fact that they don't realise it's okay to just be yourself.

I have seen many people in university that seek to fit in by becoming different or caricatures of who they really are, just to be able to socialise and get along with people that they deem worthy of their social interactions. It's one thing to adapt yourself to your surroundings. It's another thing entirely to invent a persona that would seemingly be better for aligning yourself with certain social circles.

The tragedy, of course, is to end up being in a situation whereby you don't even know what's the real you anymore. The question is, has the mask become the face? Or is the face now the mask? The circular argument in this context just ends up driving people away from what would conceivably be their true selves. Is that what we really want? Is that what YOU really want?

This is usually a result of someone hating who they are, due to the supposed barriers that it poses to new friendships, dalliances or interactions. To say that it is sad is an understatement, on par with saying that Hitler's invasion of Russia in winter was merely 'a bit stupid.' By all means, be more outgoing and be more engaging. That doesn't translate into becoming an entirely new being that bears no relation to the old one.

People forget, that there are lines that they needn't ever cross.

No one ever said that finding a place within the complicated schema of a university is going to be something easy. Nothing worth it ever is. But what it definitely is, is simple. And that's not the same.So don't take the easy way out. Don't make the tragic mistake of becoming someone, or something, that you are emphatically not.

'Cause you're amazing. Just the way you are.

Enterpise Systems Management

2010-09-27T18:03:00.000+08:00

So other than the obvious fact that I should be concentrating in class right now, I find that my mind is wandering.

Sighs. The curse of having an imagination that refuses to stop.

I like this lecturer. She's nice, and she's always very cheerful and positive. Her favourite phrase? "Don't need to worry so much about this subject ah, I will always try to help you ah.." Haha, she repeats it at least twice during any class we have with her. I would hope that would mean giving me an A even if I don't do any of the assignments.

There are some dreams that are just too far, though. Hope springs eternal.

As it is, I find solace in my imagination, and the worlds it brings me to. These worlds usually have an absence of a moral code that would keep me from killing people that piss me off, and would reward my retribution with the satisfaction of seeing my lightsabre/sword/laser cannons, totally annihilate whatever poor sod who has managed to upset me that day.

Naturally, such action would be impossible in today's world, because there is no such law that prohibits people from being assholes, pricks, bitches or idiots. So this is what I propose.

There should be a law that allows anyone to kill a person that is acting in a manner detrimental towards cordial social relations. Signs of such a person :

1. If male, they like Twilight.
2, If female, they dye their hair blonde in the hopes that it makes them look more 'stylish.'
3. They begin every social interaction with a look of cold disdain.
4. They look like Edward Cullen.
5. They look like Bella.
6. They have the misfortune of looking like Taylor Lautner.
7. They grind their teeth in every sentence, like Taylor Lautner.
8. They think that using words like 'awesome' all the time makes them cool. It doesn't, you just sound like a prat trying too hard.
9. They still think that iPhones are cool.
10. They think that iPods are cool.
11. They think iPads are cool.
12. They think Steve Jobs is a genius. (clue : he's a prat, and a very weirdly dressed one at that. Now that you mention it......)
13. They think Steve Jobs looks cool in a turtleneck. He's just hiding the hickies he gets from Apple fanboys.
14. They try to sound intelligent by regurgitating someone else's argument, or offering up random facts without understanding what they mean. Wake up, morons. Intelligence != Knowledge.
15.

There are more, and I do realise this law needs more refining. But this is a good start.

I could have been sleeping instead.

2010-09-25T05:05:00.000+08:00

I was wondering about a lot of things today.

Love, life, the Universe and everything.

And then I realised I hadn't finished watching all 3 seasons of History Channel's The Universe. As geeky as that may sound, and I'm glad it does, I really need to find time to actually finish going through it. I am aware of the impossibility of me becoming an astronomer, astrophysicist, or even the coffee brewer at NASA or indeed the ESA, but that doesn't stop me from being completely and utterly in love with space.

The full moon these past few nights has gotten my imagination running mad, and the lofty dreaming that it inspires tends to render me a rather despondent creature, wishing he could actually go up, above and beyond. Oh, don't get me wrong, it's not an outpouring of emo-ness wishing that there is more to life than the existence that I ponderously endure on a daily basis. It extends much further than that, into the realm of a genuine desire to see more of the not just the world around us, but the place it inhabits in the grand scheme of things.

I do realise that this is a theme that I continually go back to in my writing. The idea of adventure is a romantic notion that always gets the heart racing. Or the head thinking, dreaming, digesting and analysing.

Fly me to the moon. It's okay. I don't need to find a way back.

This is for you, Mel! :)

2010-09-22T14:01:00.000+08:00

Having been urged to blog more often, I shall make it a point to talk about how hideously disjointed my life is whilst over-dramatising what is actually going on.

Alright, maybe not. I'm not usually one for hyperbole on that sort of scale.

Curiously enough, I have had some rather interesting social interactions in the past few weeks. Interactions that have re-kindled my social inclinations, and have made me re-discover the joys of making new friends in rather random ways and places.

I suppose the apathy that I was in possession of previously when it came to these sorts of situations did not really show itself until I actually tried to cast it away. The manifestation of such lethargy seems to creep up on you without you really noticing. I suppose it's why I was always seemingly so bored and tired the previous semester. Although having said that, there's still some of it this semester too.

As it is though, there is some solace in the fact that in spite of my issues and problems, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Graduation awaits and beckons. I have tried to mentally prioritise it over everything else, which is difficult considering the stress that I am trying to cope with. Already this semester I am lagging behind in some of my classes, and the subjects themselves are not exactly the kind that would light anyone's fire.

There is hope, after all. With good friends, old and new, and the requisite motivation to make it a success, there is indeed hope.

Wish me luck. :)

Welcome Back. To the cheapest show in town.

2010-09-13T17:54:00.000+08:00

That sounds like an advertisement for a B-Movie grade cabaret masterpiece.

So here I am. It's been a while. Excuses first and foremost.

1. The World Cup got in the way.
2. Debate tournaments got in to the way.
3. Ramadhan got in the way.
4. Eid (Aidilfitri) got in the way.

But fear not my band of not-so-loyal readers, I am back! I have returned to the blogosphere to bore you all with soporific tales of my bland existence and the lifelong lessons that tweeting during lab hours or falling asleep in a management class have taught me.

Of course, when phrased as such it might not seem that significant for you to actually pay attention to my various diatribes and rants. But stay. I promise to be entertaining. :)

Things bouncing around in my head.

2010-06-11T15:04:00.000+08:00

I've lost weight.

My hair is getting longer.

I'm awesome at doing last-minute projects that require good english.

I'm hopeless at doing last-minute projects that require good math.

I love playing badminton.

I'm not very good at it.

I love playing futsal.

I'm good at it.

I still care a lot about my exes.

Especially the ones that still talk to me.

I love gadgets.

But I don't have the financial capacity to fulfill my need for new ones.

I love gaming.

I am fucking awesome at it.

I have an unhealthy love for all things Sony.

I love seeing my name up in lights.

A place you all need to visit.

2010-06-10T22:30:00.002+08:00

http://dancingonleaves.tumblr.com

I guarantee you shall not be disappointed.

Daymaker.

2010-06-08T02:00:00.000+08:00

I have yet to meet someone

as charming

and as heart-grabbing

as you.