Since I’ve been talking about work a little lately, I thought I’d use it as my topic for the week.

Here are some ACTUAL office memos, comments or notices that made me laugh.  Taken from Aha! Jokes.

As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning entry; Fred Dales at Microsoft Corporation )

What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)

E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business. (Accounting Mgr., Electric Boat Company)

This project is so important, we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Mktg. Mgr., UPS)

Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We’ve been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I’ll let you know when it’s time to tell them.(R&D Supervisor, Minnesota Mining & Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

My boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn’t edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected. (CIO of Dell Computers)

Quote from the boss: “Teamwork is a lot of people doing what ‘I’ say.” (Mktg. executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my boss, he said she died so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said,”That would be better for me.” (Shipping Executive, FTD Florists)

We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees. (AT&T Lone Lines Division)

We recently received a memo from senior management saying, This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above.” (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)

One day my boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said, “If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!” (New Business Mgr., Hallmark Cards)

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You don’t need to pick the same topic as I do.

It’s my second week back at work and I still find that I’m remembering how to do things again.  Before I left on maternity leave, I was in my new position for 6 months.  I was actually away on maternity leave longer than I worked.

Yesterday, I remembered how many unexpected things could happen in the world of retail.

I got in early morning only to find out from the marketing manager that we were getting a visit from a designer clothing brand who is thinking of entering their line in the store.  “Why did no one tell me?”  Apparently, an email was sent out last night.  Great!  So I had about 45 minutes before they arrived to prepare my walk through and convince them how we would best present their brand identity.  My boss of course didn’t start till 13:00, so it was left to me on my own.

If that wasn’t stressful enough, soon after the visit from the clothing company, our store had another surprise visit from the auditor.  Surprise, you’re getting audited this morning, please show me that all the store’s documentation is in order.

What a day!

1. Make money online 2. Ane @ Life According to Me

3. Dorothy Stahlnecker 4. Lisa@gardenofmany

5. Aftercancer 6. You're next!

My two boys both had a doctor’s appointment yesterday.  On the way there, Jeffrey was playing with his toys that he brought.  He was being very creative and I sort of was drowning it out until I kept hearing:

Jeffrey:  Open the hatch, fire the missile.

(a few seconds later)

Jeffrey:  Open the hatch, fire the missile.

Jeffrey:  Open the hatch, fire the missile.

Me:  Who are you talking to?

Jeffrey:  You.  Bumblebee (his transformer) got hurt because you didn’t open the hatch fast enough.  You didn’t fire the missile and now he’s hurt.

Me:  Who is going to help him?

Jeffrey:  Astro Boy will come to save him.  But next time, open the hatch (an imaginary one of course) when I say it.

Needless to say, I paid more attention for the rest of the trip.

Maui, Hawaii. A beautiful vacation spot

This is where my youngest sister will be as of this Saturday.

This is also where I will not be.

I am happy for her….. I SWEAR.

I would also like to remember and commemorate the sacrifices of members of the armed forces and of civilians in the name of their country.

For more Wordless Wednesday, visit 5 Minutes for Mom or Momspective

In case I haven’t mentioned it before, I work as an Assistant Manager for a large department store.  I’ve only been back for a week and the adventures are already beginning.  We probably get hundreds of people through our doors every day and I don’t think one day goes by without something bizarre happening.

The other day I got a call from a woman who explained to me that her boss wants to offer her a senior position in an Art Gallery.  She wanted my opinion on whether or not she was getting paid a good salary.  She proceeded to tell me what the offer was and went into a lot of details.  Who does that?  I don’t see myself calling up a total stranger in an unrelated industry to ask those types of questions.  I answered a few of her questions because she seemed to really want the advice.  She then started asking me some legal and human resources questions about what she should ask as benefits.  I referred her to something called, “Google”.

I wanted to join the NaBloPoMo National Blog Posting Month challenge until I realized I already missed a day of posting.

I brought the kids to get their H1N1 vaccine today.  It could be the fact that I woke them at 5 in the morning or the vaccine themselves, but their 2 hour afternoon nap turned into 4.

Now for a real random fact, In The News:

LONDON (Reuters) – A British man on the run from police sent a picture of himself to his local paper because he disliked the mugshot they had printed of him as part of a public appeal to track him down.

If you like Randomness and want to read more, go to the UnMom and read some more.