Actually, let me just sidetrack and say a few words about those shit supermarket eggs. Firstly, it’s not all bad. Because they have been stored, and because the whites have had time to break down a little, they are really easy to peel once boiled. If you have a supply of super fresh eggs, warm from the chicken’s egg hole, you will know how difficult they are to peel when boiled.

My tip for peeling super fresh boiled eggs, by the way, is to do it when they are stone cold (fridge cold even) and try cracking the blunt end first and peeling from there; you may spot the thin membrane coating the egg, sort of attached to the shell, and if you peel that, you may get lucky and get a nice clean peel. Better still, though, don’t boil them, poach them.

Which leads me back to the question of good poached eggs. You don’t need some magic pan. You certainly don’t need to wrap them in cling film as I have heard suggested. In fact the cling film trick makes no sense when you think about it: you take it (your shit supermarket egg) out of its natural shell, wrap it in toxic plastic and boil. Err, right, so why not just soft boil it in the shell, peel whilst still warm and serve it the way instead? Remember shit eggs are easy to peel, soft boiled and warm should be no problem. In fact I know that a warm soft boiled egg is gorgeous on a piece of fresh grilled tuna with some green beans, olives and a nice shallot dressing. Just remember a warm soft boiled egg just needs a gentle hand when peeling; treat it like a new man (gently and with love) and you will reap the reward.

So, where were we? Oh yes how to poach an egg, here goes:

1. Buy very fresh, local, eggs or don’t even bother trying to poach.
2. Fill a relatively large pan with water and bring to the boil, add a tablespoon (or two) of white wine vinegar.
3. DO NOT ADD SALT TO THE WATER, IT WILL BREAK DOWN THE WHITES.
4. Crack your egg into a ramekin or small glass, or cup.
5. Whisk your boiling water so there is a whirlpool at the center of the pan. NEVER USE AN ALUMINUM PAN AND WHISK TOGETHER, NEVER!!!!!!
6. Gently tip the egg from the ramekin/cup/glass into the center of the vortex.
7. Do not allow the water to boil rapidly but gently simmer.
8. Practice until you know when the egg is cooked just to your liking.
9. Remove from the pan using a spoon with holes in (a holy spoon, if you like).

At this point you have two options. You can serve the egg immediately or (in keeping with my post about doing things the day before) you can drop it gently into iced water to stop it cooking and leave it in the water (in the fridge if it’s the next day but don’t bother if it’s an hour or three) until you are ready to reheat it, in gently boiling water, later. If you do go for the reheat method you should leave the egg a little undercooked as it will cook more as it is reheated. You can also reheat many more eggs at once than you can poaching to order; so I thoroughly recommend this method if you are preparing for a dinner party with 12 poached eggs involved.

Sorry there are no timings on this post but I will explain another day how I used to time things when I was a chef.

There are four options, as I understand it:

1. Go to the supermarket and grab some ready meals.
2. Run round like a headless chicken, panicking, and produce something crap.
3. Prepare it all the day before and reheat.

I often resort to the first option; Tesco’s Finest range is wonderful, and Marks and Spencer do a simply fantastic range of ready meals… and of course because I am an ex-chef everyone just assumes I knocked it together.

The last option is also a good one and bar souffle (which you could always do twice baked) and fresh fish, there isn’t much you can’t make ready and reheat.

During my time as a chef working in restaurants turning over 100-200 covers a night I became a master re-heater, and it is a fine art (NO MICROWAVES THANK YOU). Once you get it right, though, no one will be able tell.

For our particular situation, the after work dinner party, I would recommend meat that enjoys being overcooked, mashed potatoes, braised vegetables and stuff that just needs to be dunked in rapidly boiling water for a few minutes to cook (I am thinking noodles and green beans). Risotto also lends itself well to being partially cooked and then reheated with some water, butter and a touch of mascarpone (Now everyone who knows me understands why I always cook risotto ;))

As for Harry who inspired this post I would recommend the slow-braised belly pork from Roast Chicken and other stories it is a simply stunning dish; go to a good butcher though!

But wait, the fourth option! The fourth is my favourite but you need the kitchen to do it. You get all your friends round and get them to help cook their own dinner. This is my favourite option by far and fantastic fun… I just wish I had the kitchen to allow me to do this more often.

My recipe is very simple, an equal measure of everything. It really doesn’t matter if that measure is a coffee cup or a bucket, or if it is done by the pint. For example today I made mine with:

• Half a pint of milk
• Half a pint of plain flour (yup, dry flour up to the half pint line in a jug).
• Half a pint of eggs

These I added to a blender and blended to a smooth batter

The secret to good Yorkshire pudding is heat, around 220 celcius (428 Fahrenheit) to get things started and if you are cooking a big one (as opposed to lots of little ones) you might turn it down a little once it’s getting nice and brown.

It is important that there is plenty of fat (or oil), today I am simply going to chuck my batter into the dripping left over from roasting the beef joint. The bottom of the tray should have at the very least the depth of a finger nail of fat, more if your health conscious head can cope. And that fat should be red hot before you add the batter, smoking even. The batter should sizzle as it hits the oil. Then once it’s in the oven don’t open the door too often else it will probably collapse.

I tell how mine is cooked by colour and if it is a lot lighter, when lifted, than it looks.

Photo by Adactio

A few days ago I saw an advert on TV for low calorie cakes, from some weight watching company or another, and it made me angry. It made me angry because I can’t believe we really live in a society so backwards that such things can exist. It made me angry because I don’t know how this company is managing to con people into believing that these chemical filled boxes of sweet junk are actually going to make them healthier. If you want healthy cake buy a local homemade cake and eat a small slice, occasionally!

The bit that makes me really angry is the complete and utter focus on weight loss rather than health. With healthy eating comes weight loss, dead simple really. To go from junk food overeater to healthy muncher, though, takes a change of lifestyle and that can be tough.

How then, someone please tell me, do low calorie cakes help you kick start the process of lifestyle change? Of course, they don’t, they aren’t meant to. Instead they encourage you to keep the same lifestyle whilst easing your underlying guilt about being a fatty. Their purpose is to make you feel better about stuffing your face with cake; they allow you to continue being lazy about your health issues by making you think you are at least doing something.

So, my own conclusion about fixing my fatness has not been to eat low calorie cakes and biscuits etc. but rather to change my lifestyle, slowly, one step at a time and of course somewhere in there has been slowing down on the cakes, the sticky toffee puddings, so on and so forth…

...Full English breakfast may be tougher nut to crack, though.

P.S. I apologise now for the ironic Google ads!