cool dry place

yet another

regan — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 15:16:53 +0000

I’ve been blogging at cooldry.tumblr.com because it’s simple and fun and supports post-by-email out of the box and there’s no spam comments for me to slog through. Join us! Tumblr aggregates my flickr photos and del.icio.us links and whatever else I throw at it.

Because I am a nomad.

Also, subscribe to the rss here.

your whole family is made out of meat

regan — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 02:46:35 +0000

I’m sitting here trying to subscribe to CBC podcasts with Banshee 1.0 (Hint: you can’t. You have to use Feedburner to create a new [valid] feed out of CBC’s cruddy [quasi-valid] feeds. My feed for All Of CBC Radio 3’s Podcasts is here.) and Sherry is watching the Canadian equivalent of the Dog Whisperer on internet video streamings. The guy they hired to do this show likes to concoct dramatic staged incidents to get the point across to his unfortunate charges (delinquent dog-owning families in search of both dog-help and togetherness-assistance) that a poorly trained dog is dangerous. Usually he fakes a car accident or has an invalid hauled down a flight of stairs by a spirited Weimaraner but for this particular episode he dressed a golden retriever in an elaborate cape made of sewn-together freezer-bags full of raw meat. The dog seems less than impressed.

Every day this world feels more and more like pessimistic science fiction and I’m sure there’s a pill for that somewhere.

Attention pharmaceutical industry that keeps spamming me: Let me know when that drug comes in energy-drink form.

lidocaine, aloe, isopropyl, ammonium thiosulfate

regan — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 03:02:16 +0000

We treated our bodies the way high school photography students treat photographic paper. We overexposed some parts and underexposed others and then we left them out before they had completely dried so they stuck together.

Any minute now Mr. Fell, arms mottled pink and hairless to the elbow from hand-dipping archive prints in vats of corrosive virgin fixer, is going to come in and holler about mess and waste. But he’ll soon get bored with that and start talking about Ansel Adams instead.

shit just got real

regan — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 14:10:54 +0000

Cottage people fed us quiche and beer for breakfast and cradled our puppy in their laps and named her after a teevee lobster. In other news, my feet and most of my Sherry are glowing bright red.

The things that Ontario people call “cottages” are called “cabins” in many other parts of the country. As a result, many summertime beer advertising campaigns must be overdubbed or retouched so that Saskatchewanians aren’t distracted from their beer-thirst by some errant non-beers-and-easy-women-related thought like “how can you claim your beer is the coldest when beer’s coldness obviously depends on available refrigeration infrastructure?” or “what the fuck is a cottage?”

a second fecal matter

regan — Fri, 30 May 2008 20:22:14 +0000

Someone took a shit in the urinal in the men’s room at work. My coworker blames the deranged and I blame a four-year-old who’s never seen a urinal before.

Or the sky people.

a fecal matter

regan — Fri, 30 May 2008 12:03:55 +0000

My life is probably a lot less interesting now that I have a job I don’t hate. However, this hasn’t put a damper on the insurance industry’s enthusiasm for spamming my blog.

Here’s an odd thing about dog-ownership for you, though: I am, for the first time in my life, more interested in the excretions, secretions and various bodily functions of some organism that isn’t me. I just took Cloey* outside and she took a shit on my lawn and it felt like a personal victory for me.

*Yeah well you spell your name funny too.

the k stands for karma

regan — Sat, 24 May 2008 03:30:13 +0000

i managed to make her sit still

Originally uploaded by reegmo

Four out of five neighbourhood kids agree, Cloverfield K. Metronome Surname is awesome enough for Facebook.

pigs tend to chew

regan — Thu, 22 May 2008 01:40:08 +0000

The miniature pinscher is an ancient breed, and theories about its origins are varied and colourful.

When I brought her home, Sherry was with her class on a trip to Stratford. I text messaged her the following: “Our puppy is made out of all the universe’s best ingredients.”

That was before she inhaled her dinner, then vomited it onto the floor in front of her kennel, then ate the vomit. It was before she peed on every square foot of our kitchen. It was before she made a sound like a bird of prey engaged in epic battle with a dolphin caught in a tuna net when we left for work in the morning.

I have since revised my min-pin recipe. People of the internets, this is what miniature pinschers are made of:

Today our friends Megan and Borrelli came to visit with Splash, their Catahoula Leopard Dog (possibly the best name for a dog breed of all times). In honour of this special occasion, Clover decided to eliminate on the Globe and Mail, which we had conveniently laid on the floor near the door for her. We tried to reward her with carrots but she didn’t understand. I scratched “bunny rabbits” off my list.

Update: Deer! I forgot that she’s part deer.

we dug a hole and put our heads in it

regan — Wed, 14 May 2008 01:03:53 +0000

Sherry’s mom has a chupacabra digging complex tunnels in her garden and yard killing her plants. It is building a city and preparing the way for our new alien masters, the sky people.

It may also be voles.

Either way, we’re going to leave a bunch of open tuna cans to attract a population of cat people. The key to controlling the vole population or the chupacabra is encouraging predators.

oh em gee puppy!

regan — Mon, 12 May 2008 02:27:59 +0000

clover
Originally uploaded by reegmo

This is Clover. We met her yesterday in Orillia, and she’s coming home with us next week. She is a Miniature Pinscher, born March 17.

She is tiny and soft. She thinks my beard is interesting and tasty.

Sherry’s mother, who was initially blasé about the prospect of us getting a puppy, immediately took her in her arms and cooed, “you love Grandma, don’t you? Don’t you?”