Cool Limerick Poems

Does North Carolina Have Penis Envy?

2012-05-10T04:41:18Z

North Carolina is the latest state to take on gay marriage. I still cannot understand why this is such a big issue. There is something about sex that drives people nuts. Some seem to think all of our problems can be solved if we’d just stop and contemplate what our neighbors are doing with their penises. Sheesh!

The people from North Carolina
Give thinking folks cause for angina
‘Cause apparently their God
Would find it quite odd
If you don’t have a taste for vagina.

China Shows World It’s Blind Spot

2012-05-02T03:47:16Z

Here’s a great story about a Chinese activist who escaped his house arrest and took refuge in the U.S. Embassy. Chen Guangcheng’s crime was exposing forced abortions in China. Unfortunately, Chinese authorities will punish his relatives because that’s what they do. Despite all the rhetoric about the Chinese economic miracle, they are still a repressive regime of thugs. Which makes it all the better to watch them squirm because…

The Chinese were caught in a bind
When their prisoner managed to find
A way to escape
That left them agape
‘Cause it turns out he’s legally blind.

The Horrors Of Paying Rent

2012-04-14T03:41:22Z

Here’s a story about a family who moved into a new house only to find that it’s haunted. Needless to say, the landlord was unconvinced and refused to return any of their monies. The most unusual part to this story (other than it’s ALL unusual) is that it took place in Toms River, New Jersey…the sight of the filming of the Amityville Horror movie. Perhaps the ghosts had a contract dispute?

Strange happenings caused them lament
So they moved out to much discontent,
But was the house haunted
Or had they just wanted
To skip out on paying the rent?

Another Black Eye for Apple

2012-04-12T02:58:25Z

I continue to ask why people do business with Apple. They are hell-bent to extract as much money from your pocket as they possibly can…legal or otherwise. The Justice department has now formally accused Apple of price-fixing with several major book publishers. Is it a wonder why there is so much content pirating? These greedy publishers deserve to go the way of the dinosaur and are only delaying the inevitable. As for Apple…

At Apple, the price of e-books
Is not quite as fair as it looks.
Now accused of collusion
The only conclusion
Is behavior more related to crooks.

Jet Blue Has A Special Effect On Employees

2012-03-28T12:54:32Z

Here is a scary story. A pilot for Jet Blue started acting erratic in the cockpit, flipping switches and otherwise ‘flipping out’. The co-pilot had the presence of mind to get him out of the cockpit and locked the door behind him. He eventually had to be subdued by passengers until the plane could make an emergency landing. It reminds me of the story a year ago about the Jet Blue flight attendant that quit his job in a flourish by grabbing a beer and jumping down the emergency slide. The company seems to have a real affect on it’s employees…and not in a good way.

There are somethings in life you can do
That you might not do again if you knew,
Like flying on jets
If all that it gets
Is a company job with Jet Blue.

Evolution of the GOP

2012-03-08T03:38:36Z

A new study has the genes of gorillas and apes as closer to man then previously thought. That explains a lot of chest thumping, particularly with the current crop of GOP candidates for President. In apes it’s all a bluff but the GOP would declare war on Twinkies if they thought they could win. So, put two and two together and what do we get…

If apes are now closer to man
I’m thinking that maybe they can
Win an election,
As natural selection
Will still beat the GOP clan.

Santorum Giving God Heartburn

2012-03-01T14:21:21Z

Thankfully, Rick Santorum looks to be out of the GOP race. Not because he’d ever win the Presidency but because every time I read about him “I want to throw up” (in his own words). The guy is another religious wing-nut trying to appeal to the ‘base’ of ignorant conservatives. Even if I was a conservative (never to happen), I’d disassociate myself from the Republican party simply because of the dumb-ass candidates they put forward. God must be upstairs shaking his head “where did I go wrong”?

Santorum has God on the brain
‘Cause he thinks that’s how to obtain
The GOP nod
But he needs more than God
To revive his now sagging campaign.

Afghanistan is Done

2012-02-26T03:51:19Z

Afghanistan deserves to be a shit-hole. Thousands of years of civilization and the best they can do is riot in the streets because someone burned their ‘holy’ book. They’re irrational, ignorant, corrupt and not worth the blood of our soldiers. They have no industry, no economy (other than growing poppy), no brains and no will. It’s safe to assume that if this is the best they can aspire to after two centuries of civilization, then they’re destined be a shit-hole forever. They deserve nothing because they’ve earned nothing. We need to get out yesterday.

Religion is often just mean
And mixed with a crowd can careen
So out of control
To cause a death toll,
Even God must think it’s obscene.

The Most Unlucky Man In The World

2012-02-17T14:05:10Z

Here’s a guy who just had a very bad day. He accidentally flew his small plane into the airspace where President Obama was being ferried to Air Force One. He didn’t realize his mistake until two F16′s appeared outside his window. Once on the ground, they found over 40 pounds of Pot on his plane! The absolute wrong place at exactly the wrong time.

He flew in a space he ought not
And imagine just what he had thought
When he found he’s between
Two F16′s
And carrying a plane load of pot.

Gay Marriage Kicks Conservative Butts

2012-02-08T06:00:26Z

An appeals court strikes down the California ban on gay marriages…as it should. I still can’t fathom why this is such a big issue. Who cares if gay people want to be married? It harms nobody and is not likely to add significantly to the already high divorce rate. It’s mostly churches and the overly religious that have heartburn e.g. the small minds with the big mouths. Those must be the traits needed to get close to God. Although I seriously doubt God wants to be too close to them.

Conservatives can’t abide by those Gay
So they squawk and they flap and they pray,
‘Cause when the goal’s persecution
And your brain’s lilliputian
Then nothing can stand in the way.

"Gay marriage a threat to the future of humanity"