Cool Limerick Poems

Women, Wine and Weight Loss

2010-03-10T02:25:29Z

Good news for women! Moderate alcohol intake can help keep those pounds off. It doesn’t get any better than that. Get a buzz and lose weight. I’d like to see a partner study that says increased sexual activity makes women look younger. Then we’ll have women getting drunk and demanding sex! Sometimes science can be a wonderful thing.

Women want to see their weight shrinking
Now there’s help from a study that’s linking,
Weight loss to booze.
Now you can lose
Those unwanted pounds while you’re drinking.

Who Doesn’t Love Drunk Irish Girls

2010-03-09T14:20:00Z

Here’s a lady in New York who’s upset with a t-shirt that reads, “I may not be an Irish girl but I drink like one”. What’s the big deal? St. Paddy’s day is just around the corner and every bar that begins with the letter ‘O’ will be serving out beer as fast as they can pour it. “Why can’t they quote Oscar Wilde or say something positive”, she whines. Simple, Oscar Wilde is not funny (or as sexy) as the thought of drunk Irish girls. It’s called humor and people that get the joke have a ’sense of humor’. Jeez…sometimes I feel like I have to explain everything. Don’t worry lady, if you match the stereotype we’re not laughing at you, we’re laughing with you…unless you’re not laughing in which case we ARE laughing at you.

Humor has a mandate to poke
At the way people see other folk.
If a slogan on a shirt
Gets a burr up your skirt
Then you’re now the ‘butt’ of the joke.

Do You Know You’ve Just Had Sex?

2010-03-08T03:07:44Z

Researchers at the Kinsey Institute have found a surprising range of answers for the meaning of the phrase ‘had sex’. It was all pretty straight forward until Bill Clinton tried to single-handedly change the definition. Intercourse, oral, anal, other? I’ll not despair. Call it anything you want…I know what it is when I get it.

It seems that the phrase we ‘had sex’
Is suddenly much more complex.
I supposed ‘getting laid’
Will have to be weighed
To see if it too will perplex.

Heads Roll for Busted Russia Olympics

2010-03-05T00:53:26Z

Looks like the ‘purge’ has started in Russia following their dismal showing in Vancouver. The head of their Olympic Committee has resigned. I was noticing when I was watching how few times they were in the mix. They’re usually very big at the winter games especially in skating and Hockey. I think the Hockey loss to Canada was particularly galling. Canada, with their record take in gold medals, has raised the bar for host country performance. Russia will host in 2012.

While Russia is able to boast
Sports prowess that’s better than most,
Vancouver fell flat
So there’s no standing pat,
As the next time it’s their turn to host.

Bibles for Porn

2010-03-04T02:39:47Z

Here’s a good way to get people riled up…trade their holy text for porn! That’s what this Atheist group wants to do and the Christians are up in arms. It’s not just Bibles though. They’ll also accept Korans or Vedas (Hindu holy writings) so it seems like all religions are being treated equally. The problem with holy books is that they’re reverential to some but pure fiction to others so it’s hard to put a universal value on them. What’s the answer? Tolerance. You have your beliefs and I have mine…and “n’er the twain shall meet”.

If Bibles for porn have been traded
You might think that terribly jaded.
Holy word or just prose?
No one really knows,
So it’s hard to tell when they’re degraded.

I Miss the Olympics Already

2010-03-02T23:24:07Z

I miss the Olympics already…although every time I tried to watch I just got disgusted with NBC. I’ll leave that alone for now. The Olympics are a singular international event that brings people together from all over the world. If we could solve our political problems with sporting games we’d all be a lot better off. The Winter games are not quite as popular given that many countries don’t have winter but the feeling of camaraderie and shared experience is still there. And in the end…a gold medal is still a gold medal. Kudos to the Canadians for putting on a spectacular event!

The Winter Olympics have past
And for some it was glory at last.
While others saw pain
All stood to gain,
From the drama that plays unsurpassed.

The Winter games show us concisely
The things that you must do precisely,
To take home the gold.
But the best to behold
Is what happens when all can play nicely.

The Ides of March is Coming

2010-03-01T21:33:33Z

I just finished a good series of books about Julius Caesar by Conn Iggulden. I like to read history but it’s usually too dry so I opt for historical fiction. A good author like Conn, can create a story around historical events and people that makes it much more interesting and downright entertaining.

I’ve wandered off in this direction as March begins because the Ides of March was the day Caesar was killed (not only Brutus but a whole bunch of others participated…see how much I learned!). “Beware the Ides of March” was supposedly told to Caesar as warning of his future death. Who knows if it’s really true but even historians can’t resist a good catch-phrase.

Julius Caesar influenced afar,
With his name as the source for a ‘Czar’.
An Oscar award
With Brando aboard
Then made him a Hollywood star.

Emperor: The Gates of Rome: A Novel of Julius Caesar (The Emperor Series)

Emperor: The Death of Kings: A Novel of Julius Caesar (The Emperor Series)

Emperor: The Field of Swords (The Emperor)

Emperor: The Gods of War: A Novel of Julius Caesar

Tiger Woods to Host SNL?

2010-03-01T03:31:49Z

Now here’s a good idea for Tiger Woods…offer to host Saturday Night Live! This would go a long way towards showing us the real Tiger instead of the PR image Tiger. Let’s face it, the PR image Tiger is long gone and never to return so he’s got nothing to lose. Plus, if you can laugh at yourself, the whole world laughs with you.

This remedy for Tiger will tell
If his humor’s in rehab as well.
Screw the PR
And come as you are
To guest host a new SNL.

Could Pole Dancing Turn Golden?

2010-02-26T03:56:43Z

Here’s group who want to make ‘pole’ dancing an Olympic sport. I’m not sure exactly where the skill comes into play but who am I to judge. That, in fact, is a concern of current pole dancers. They fear you might attract gymnasts, circus performers or Chinese acrobats and lose the sensual aspect of the dance. I don’t think this will get very far. We usually like to keep our sex and sports separated…except for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue.

There’s a group who have a new goal
For their dancing, an Olympic role.
But fathers aren’t sold
As they’ve always been told
To be keeping their girls ‘off the pole’.

Lindsay Vonn

Is the Bloom Box Ready to Bloom?

2010-02-25T01:15:33Z

I’m not sure what to make of the Bloom Box as seen on 60 Minutes. It looks like a great idea although I’m not expert enough to tell otherwise. The experts quoted above were unanimously unimpressed. The technology’s not new and significant cost barriers still exist which is why it will take 5-10 years before we ever see one for the home. So why all the hype now? Either I’m missing something or maybe they’re just looking for more money.

The buzz for their fuel cell is booming
With hope for clean energy looming.
But five to ten years
Before it appears?
This box is a long way from blooming.

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