THE EX-FACTOR

SIMPLE TRUTHS ON LOVE

noreply@blogger.com (silent storm) — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 16:54:00 +0000

It is simply a mystery why we fall in love.
It is a mystery how it happens.
It is a mystery why some love grows.
It is a mystery why some love fall.

You can analyze and look for reasons and causes,
But you will never do any more than take life out of experience.

Love is more than the sum of interest and attractions,
Or commonalities of two people share.
It is just as life itself. It is a gift that comes and goes in its time,
The coming of love must be taken as an unfathomable gift
That cannot be questioned in it way.

Too often when love comes to people,
They try to grasps the love and hold it to them.
Refusing to see that it is a gift, freely given
And a gift that just freely moves away.

When they fall out of love,
Or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving,
They try desperately to reclaim the love that is lost
Rather than accepting the gift for what it was.

They want answers, where there are no answers.
They want to know what is wrong with them
Or what went wrong and try to get their love to change
Thinking that if some small things were different, love
Will bloom again.

They blame their circumstances.
They blame each other.
They try to give meaning to what had happened.
But there is no meaning beyond love itself.
Until they accept its own mysterious ways and
They live in a sea of misery.

You need to treat what love brings you with kindness.

If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you at all,
Be gentle with yourself.
There is nothing wrong with you.
Love just didn’t choose to rest in the other person’s heart.
If you find someone else in love with you whom you feel no love,
Feel honored that love came and called at your door.
But gently refuse the gift you cannot return.
Do not take advantage. Do not cause pain.

How you deal with love is how love deals with you,
And all our hearts feel the same pains and joys
Though our lives and ways are very much different.

If you fall in love with another who falls in love with you,
And then love chooses to leave,
Never reclaim it nor assess blame. Let it go!
There is no reason and there is no meaning.
You will know in time but time itself chooses its moment.

Remember, you do not choose love. Love chooses you.
Feel the way love fills you – overflowing.
Then reach out and give it away.
Give it back to the person who brought it to you.
Give it to others who seem poor in spirit.
Give it to the world in any best way you can.

Love has its own time and season.
It has own reason for coming and going.
You cannot bribe it or curse it or reason it into staying.
If it chooses to leave from your heart, or from the heart of your lover’s,
Then there is nothing you can do and nothing you should do.
Be glad it came to live, even for a moment in your life.
Just keep your heart open and it will surely come again…

The One That Got Away

noreply@blogger.com (silent storm) — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 17:22:00 +0000

I saw an ex-boyfriend a couple of days ago. He was my boyfriend back in College. It was actually almost like that scene from the movie, "Cruel Intention," where Ryan Philippe was waiting for Reese Witherspoon at the end of the escalator. Except that I was descending from the escalator and he was going up, not really waiting for me.

We nodded and smiled timidly but didn't really avert our gaze.

It's been 13 years... Yet I still wonder what could have been.

What if?

Great Expectations

noreply@blogger.com (silent storm) — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 12:56:00 +0000

We had a typhoon (signal no. 3) here last night and although no roofs went flying this time compared to last year, the house was nonetheless still flooded. And so after spending the night moving and stacking things on dryer areas, we get to spend the whole day mopping and cleaning and returning everything back to where it's supposed to be (or at least according to my mother's specifications, who by the way happens to be out of town at the moment, so the worse is far from being over!)

Anyway, the only good thing that ever resulted from this, is that I was forced to finally "organize" my ever growing collection of reading materials. Midway through this "harrowing" task, I noticed this old box where I keep all my old "junks" (me, being sentimental). I chuckled when I saw about five or six autograph books (a must-have during my juvenile days!). I thought about how so much has changed since the time when all my girlfriends and I ever talk about are crushes, dates, boyfriends -- boys!

I think I was about 12 or 13 years old when I told my best friend that my first boyfriend should be someone who resembles "Mr. Pure Energy," Gary Valenciano, the hottest local singer during that time. In fact, I was already eyeing someone whom I thought has the same traits as Gary V. Unfortunately, my Gary V. look-alike went out with Ms. Barbie wannabe! (Sob!)

As I grew older however, I noticed that most of the guys I've dated have some common denominator: roughly 5'6 to 5'8 (with the exception of this 6'1 guy I briefly dated -- imagine the contrast!), usually thin and has fair complexion... Come to think of it, I was actually a bit superficial before. Looks would definitely be my first consideration before I decided on whether or not I'll go out with someone.

But then of course, as some of you already know, in the long run, it's not enough that you just stare and admire a beautiful face. Eventually, you would want to talk or laugh or ask his opinion or want him to "understand" you from time to time-- hence, the inevitable breakup!

I reckon a lot of people are prone to such "mistakes" and I'm not just talking about being a sucker for beautiful people. I'm also referring to other "superficial" standards we may have unwittingly set, i.e., he/she ought to be smart, sexy, sensitive, has a good sense of humor, thoughtful, etc. etc.

It's not really wrong to want all these. However, one must also consider that "standards" will not always be met. You could maybe find Mr. So-full-of-sense-humor but he won't really be funny and cool all the time. There will be times when he would feel bad, will not be in the mood to crack jokes, or might even be a tad pissed off when you keep telling him, "cheer up, it's so not like you to be so gloomy." The same goes with Mr. Oh-so-sexy-you-can-just-eat-him-right-now... :-P

Face it guys, we're all just human -- with moods, quirks, habits, etc. nobody's really perfect, no matter how much one strives to become one. It's simply not possible since everything is relative.

So unless you want to wait until "cloning" and "selective genes enhancement" has been perfected, I suggest you take Myley Cyrus' (a.k.a. Hannah Montana) advice...

Love strategies we use in Relationships

noreply@blogger.com (silent storm) — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 19:12:00 +0000

Love strategies we use in Relationships - Falling in Love - By Dr. Charmaine Saunders - from Western Australia

Falling in love. It has to be one of the most exciting, heady experiences in human existence.

How to Fall in Love Again After a Breakup

noreply@blogger.com (silent storm) — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 19:01:00 +0000

How to Fall in Love Again After a Breakup

Eleventh Commandment: Love thyself

noreply@blogger.com (silent storm) — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 18:48:00 +0000

There was this popular song in the 80s by Whitney Houston, "The Greatest Love of All," which apart from being a favorite piece sung during Amateur Singing contests, has also somehow made an impact on me even while I was still very young.

Although at first, I have to admit that I thought it was too obvious and simple. After all, how difficult is it to love yourself??? In my young (and clueless!) mind, I thought you only have to count the number of times most people look at themselves in the mirror, or the number of hours some people spent "preening" themselves. Over time though, I realized that loving oneself is not really that simple nor easy for a lot of people.

When we were born, we have this innate narcissism in all of us. As we grow older however, because of too many extraneous variables, such egotism may be enhanced, balanced or completely wiped out of our system. The last "consequence" is the most damaging.

Insecurity creeps in even with those who normally has a healthy perception of themselves, particularly after a series of problems, rejections and failures.

But how does one gain back that self-esteem and positive outlook? --This is when loving oneself in a much deeper level comes in and this is also when it becomes a bit tricky and difficult. After all, affirming yourself when your husband/wife or lover just left you, or telling yourself that you're going to be fine after losing your job, or believing that you're still great after failing at something you've painstakingly worked for, isn't really something everyone does with ease.

We should therefore identify our limitations and strengths and realize that everything in this life aren't always within our control. It doesn't necesarily make us a complete loser if a relationship, career or something we are passionate about didn't worked out the way we want it to be.

As the song goes:

I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows

If I fail, if I succeed At least I'll live as I believe

No matter what they take from me

They can't take away my dignity

Because the greatest love of all is happening to me

I found the greatest love of all inside of me

The greatest love of all is easy to achieve

Learning to love yourself -- It is the greatest love of all

I couldn't have said it any better!

Healing a Broken Heart

noreply@blogger.com (silent storm) — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 18:34:00 +0000

Healing a Broken Heart

There is no such thing as a broken heart-only a heart that is learning to love more and better.

Realizing that your heart isn't damaged is a relief. But when you're desperately trying to let go of a former mate, and you're in emotional agony, this bit of wisdom is cold comfort. Many say they can feel a physical aching in the chest that can last for weeks and even months. An inability to hear love songs on the radio without crying is common. At worst, those struggling through a break-up can't stand to be alone, and avoid places where they might see their ex. Conversely, they might even arrange to run in" to their former flame.

Why do we find it so hard to release when a relationship ends? We get emotionally attached when we fall in love. Emotional attachment is wonderful when the relationship is in full bloom, but a great source of pain when the romance is over. Emotional attachment is responsible for much angst, from jealousy to endless mooning over the lost love, to an inability to move on. Once you finally break the attachment, you have a pleasant neutrality towards the former object of your attachment. You know you're over him when you can see him with another woman and not feel a surge of emotion. It's not that you wish him ill; you simply no longer see why you were so hung up on him to begin with.

There are three steps you can take to expedite the process of release and be free of the pain. If you start practicing them immediately, you may find yourself getting on with your life and experiencing a heady freedom by tomorrow.

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Alice1.html

Life Anew

noreply@blogger.com (silent storm) — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 18:05:00 +0000

Wanna share your story? Inspire other people or touch their

lives? or simply be able to waffle about everything that

seems to go wrong with your life? --

Join http://groups.google.com/group/empowered-life/

You never know whose lives you may inspire ...

or you just might get an all new different perpective!

PICKING UP THE PIECES AGAIN

noreply@blogger.com (silent storm) — Sat, 01 Sep 2007 04:40:00 +0000

My friend, Rita, looked helplessly on the pile of canned goods she wanted to buy. It's not that she doesn't have money to buy it. She just couldn't get it literally because being petite, she was afraid that even if she manages to reach for the bottom pile, everything would just collapse and come crashing on her head. And with no one in sight to assist her, she couldn't help but think of her ex-husband who was at least a foot taller than her. It used to be "his job" to get the groceries that were almost always beyond her reach.

Four years after the separation and the memory of her ex-husband still creeps in her head from time to time, even during the most trivial moments. Although the pain and resentment have significantly subsided, she can still feel the impact of their separation in her life.

Just last week for instance, she narrated about the incident when her three-year old daughter asked her where her father is. And in as much as she promised herself to explain everything thoroughly and objectively to her daughter, she still felt torn between telling her the truth or making up some lies about it in the meantime. After all, her daughter is still too young to understand about the separation.

Rita isn't the only one going through such plight. There are thousands of other men and women who, after spending a significant period of their lives being married to the person whom they thought they would share the rest of their lives with, suddenly find themselves at lost, starting all over again and getting used to the single life again. A lot more are having difficulty juggling their time between raising kids on their own and working, not to mention the usual financial constraints that accompany such dilemma.

Rita is now concerned because her bills and credits are starting to pile up. She knew that without other means of income or support from anyone she would soon find herself bankrupt. Hence, she took another part-time job which requires her to stay out late most nights. Despite barely making ends meet, her biggest concern is her child. She knew she rarely spends time with her. Even during her off from work, she's usually too tired or too drained to manage a brief "quality time" with her. Her daughter is now learning more and more things and is steadily growing, yet it seems that she has missed witnessing far too many developments already. In another five months, her daughter will turn four. Rita will turn 29 next month. She is a single parent juggling two jobs, yet is almost bankrupt and without much of anything that resembles a normal social life. She is also worried about the possibility of being tied up with her responsibilities too much that in the end, when things would start to get normal again, she would end up alone (In other countries, child support is virtually unheard of!).

For those who haven't gone through a divorce, annulment or separation, it's easy to say that this is actually just normal or that it's just a phase, or that so many others have also gone through it and were able to move on eventually.

True. In fact, we see and hear so many Hollywood couples and other well known and not so well known people who couldn't seem to wait to file their next divorce and move on to their next "possibly-this-time-it's-forever" relationship. Yet too often also, we mistook this as actually moving on. For some, I'd give them the benefit of the doubt. For others, I might think that this could be just a ploy to run away from the loneliness and forget the feeling of rejection or abandonment that they simply could not bear. Either that or their motto in life is: "Try and try until you die!"

I do not intend to be too pessimistic or angst-ridden. I know that no matter what happens, life would go on and that there's really nothing wrong in pursuing one's happiness, unless you step on other people's toes or you have gone a bit overboard.

But life can be hard enough for those who are mending their hearts -- and lives.

A little patience, a bit of understanding, some amount of help, another chance or even just one opportunity to help them get back on track are often what they need more rather than indifference or bigotry.

Why Men Are Afraid To Commit

noreply@blogger.com (silent storm) — Sat, 25 Aug 2007 18:09:00 +0000

Why Men Are Afraid To Commit

http://ezinearticles.com/?Why-Men-Are-Afraid-To-Commit&id=261086

Surviving A Break Up

noreply@blogger.com (silent storm) — Sat, 25 Aug 2007 17:58:00 +0000

Surviving A Break Up

http://www.romanceforeveryone.com/article/surviving-a-break-up.html

Coping Up With Failed Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (silent storm) — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 14:21:00 +0000

Except for a few unorthodox souls, almost everyone wants to be in a relationship--be it in a serious and committed relationship, purely sexual or just for fun, platonic or whatever category anyone could come up with. Even those who are adamant that they can actually live their entire lives independently, craves for someone who would be there for them particularly during their lowest points.

I, for one, am not too hypocritical to admit that in as much as I enjoy my independence and no matter how I sometimes get annoyed with a partner's habits, I like being in a relationship-- to love and be loved.

However going through divorce/separation/annulment isn't really something that we anticipate once we finally decide to tie the knot. Despite the increasing number of divorces, separation and annulment all around the globe, once it happens to you, its impact doesn’t necessarily diminish.

During such an ordeal, our coping and defense mechanisms may vary. But it basically revolves among the following behavioral responses:

Intense anger and a general lack of conviction about other people's motive. Because over time, you tend to suppress your anger, there are times when you find yourself flaring up or going ballistic over things which, prior to your broken or failed relationship, are somehow more tolerable
A desire to "liberate" yourself. Be promiscuous. Get even. Have sex "without emotion." Anything to distract you and forget the feeling of betrayal or that notion that you are a failure
An inclination not to care anymore. Let yourself loose. Hence, the number of people who become obese or anorexic and too old before their own age
Loss of self-esteem. "What have I done wrong?" "Why did it happen to me?" “Where do I go now?"
A tendency to withdraw from anything that would suggest any amount of intimacy or the opposite – an inclination to be too clingy even if it’s just a rebound relationship
Prolonged and profound depression, mood swings or even bouts of manic-depressive phases
A need for a scapegoat, usually a child or someone who reminds you of your ex-
Downright pessimism. "I'll never find someone again and I would die alone."
A general disinterest in everything else. "Life is futile."

Ironically, society would often tell us that our experience isn't really unique, therefore, we ought to just forget it and move on, usually without taking into consideration its impact in our lives which is usually carried over, perhaps until old age. From now on, there will always be the question whether your next serious relationship would finally work out, or even whether there will ever be another serious relationship. After all, not everyone gets a second chance.

Such are the harsh realities that most of us try hard to face. But to be able to acknowledge and confront these fears and dilemmas is actually the first big step that we have to do in order to finally move on. After all, we were already forced out of our comfort zones. What we need to do now is to regain our faith in life and in ourselves -- Without faith, one can never be truly happy or at peace with himself.

I realize nonetheless, that what may seem a very simple advice, can actually be very hard to do and achieve. Hence, we need not force the issue to hasten our recovery. Instead, we should try taking one small step at a time, until we become strong enough or equipped enough to take bigger steps.

What is important is that we don’t give up on everything else in our life and understand that this is just another hurdle that we have to overcome. And yes, unless we choose to, this isn’t really permanent. In time, you will be able to smile again and move on.

Yet again, life can still be blissful!

e-mail your comments: classifyd_info@yahoo.com