In 1996 we were taken to a zombie-plagued mansion with many secrets in Resident Evil. After gaining popularity rapidly, ‘Resident Evil: Director’s Cut’ was also released a year later to satiate the fan following that had developed in no time at all. Fourteen years today, we continue to love the new characters Capcom brings to us, along with new antagonists and plots derived from the original.

The player is able to control either Jill Valentine or her partner Chris Redfield while scavenging through this seemingly ordinary mansion. There are distinct differences between their respective stories and the characters themselves, some being overtly sexist. For example, Jill is not able to tolerate as many hits from enemies as Chris and she is able to carry more items. Other differences include, Jill having a lockpicking ability and starting off with her own pistol. Whereas, Chris has to search for keys in order to unlock doors and has to depend on a minor character to complete a task.

Resident Evil may not have a vast selection of enemies to annihilate with brute force but the player remains wary and apprehensive due to the fixed camera angles which only add to the tension. You can never forecast what can be lurking around the next corner.

The synopsis of Resident Evil is simple enough to follow and may even seem very-much predictable but this does not detract from how enjoyable the game is which can still be appreciated presently despite its flaws; a main one being the unbearable and laughable voice acting.

The first half of the game does not contain much complexity; the player can adjust to the awkward controls as the game progresses and combat can be easily avoided if chosen. After returning back to the central area of the mansion after a brief detour and a meeting with a murderous plant, the player is introduced to the ‘Hunters’, much more lethal and agile than your average lumbering zombies. Hunters can quite efficiently defeat the player by jumping behind and proceeding to use their deadly claws. If the health status happens to be at ‘Cautious’ or lower then the Hunter’s coup de grace (a solitary slash) should be expected and evaded carefully when retreating.

Players can save via various typewriters strategically placed in the game but in order to do this you must acquire ink ribbons which are not abundant. You must then decide if it is appropriate to save now or can this be forestalled. It is likely that not saving will work against you, if you unfortunately did not save your game and met your untimely death then you must load from the last point from which you did save. Having experienced this justified aggravation and frustration, I tried to save after completing any taxing task.

Another feature of Resident Evil worth commenting on are the magical, mystifying storage chests. If at any point of the game the player is struggling to organize their inventory, they can then go to their nearest ‘Save Room’ and be greeted by the calming music upon entering. In these rooms there are no enemies and are usually health items and ammunition scattered around to aid you. The chest itself can hold any unnecessary items which can be accessed later at any other chest too.

Resident Evil can be underestimated greatly. Puzzles cannot be classified as intricate but can be surprisingly challenging if the common sense behind them is not understood. It can be as simple as not examining an item or failing to pay attention to notes. Enemies can also outwit you, bosses are not easy to tackle if not equipped with the suitable weapons and you must frequently think of ways to conserve any of your items. This may mean trying to survive without using your shotgun, unless it’s a boss fight or not allowing to heal yourself only if you are veering towards the ‘Danger’ status. For these very same reasons, Resident Evil is considered the first game to birth the term, ‘survival horror’.

The Resident Evil franchise has transformed over the years and this has been viewed as something positive. Current installments lack elements that their predecessors incorporated to attract more gamers and to put in layman’s terms, to move on from the old and on to the new. Having said this, Resident Evil is far from a perfect game, it can even be described harshly as having an unintelligible, badly executed storyline but what it does competently is to thrill and scare while constantly making you question, ‘What am I going to face next? How much further till salvation?’ Resident Evil was a breakthrough and is to this day to any gamer familiar with to the survival horror genre who can value its contribution to late 1990s gaming, giving it the famous reputation it still retains.

The Gamernerdz return–well, just DINX so it’s not quite as epic–to review Tatsunoko vs Capcom for the Nintendo Wii. Check it.

The Pursuit of Happiness

Sniper shots ring out in the distance. Bullets fly overhead. Explosions can be heard around the corner. I’m 2 kills away from my tactical nuke. The tension is making me shake and sweat. Trying to keep my cool, I repeatedly and frantically check my left and right. Lucky for me I did, because I catch someone sprinting towards me. Before he can pull up his weapon, I unload my SPAS-12 on his ass and tell him to sit down. Feeling pumped, I check both sides again, anxiously awaiting my next victim… Then I died. From a Grenade Launcher. Fired by UrMom4Dessert, who I murdered what seemed like only moments ago… And that’s when I start yelling at my TV. This is Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 as I know it.

Every Modern Warfare 2 player is plagued by certain pet peeves. Some of these peeves are alleviated by patches to the system. But most of them are just a part of the game, whether you like it or not. So it has become our call of duty to find a way to enjoy this game, and for most of us, that means getting a higher kill/death ratio. That said, let’s take a look at all the things that keep us from achieving that high k/d.

Newb Tubes

I hate these things. Even when I use them I hate them. It is by far the cheapest way to kill someone, period. And when someone combines it with Scavenger and Danger Close, things get real fucked up. When this happens, I just switch lobbies. Sure, he or she may not be invincible, but all those double kills and triple kills they get cut off your team’s kill streaks. So even if you manage to ruin that newb tuber’s killstreak, it doesn’t matter because he’s massacring your entire team. The only way to defend yourself is to equip a Blast Shield to one of your classes and hope for the best. And if you can’t beat him, join him- whip out your newb tube class and see how THEY like it.

Lag

When I played Call of Duty 4, bullet lag was a big issue for me. I like my bullets to go where I’m aiming at and instantly. That didn’t happen for me in COD4 when it came to sniping. It drove me crazy, and as a result, I didn’t play it much. Thankfully, Infinity Ward has, as far as I can tell, completely killed off this kind of lag in Modern Warfare 2. But hosts are a completely different story. Whoever is host has a crystal clear advantage. You see it whenever you get killed by them- those 3 bullets you fired? They never happened on the host’s screen. No, on their screen you look like an idiot. And he’s calling you expletives. How do you avoid this frustration? Simply play the game more attentively. The reason your bullets never fired is because you’re  looking at what happened on HIS screen milliseconds ago. You’re lagging. If you constantly look around and check behind you, you’re more likely to see him or her before they can see you. This can also be taken as a general tip for anyone who wants to become better at the game.

Thermal Scopes and Heartbeat Sensors

As much as I don’t like thermal scopes, I’d have to say they’re not that big of a deal. The only maps I ever get killed on by thermal scopes are Wasteland and Afghan. And besides, you can just use Cold Blooded to counteract them. As for heartbeat sensors, I’ve fallen in love with them recently. I can totally understand why people hate them- I’m asshole when I use ‘em! For some reason people think that perks like Steady Aim and Scrambler are better than Ninja (in non-hardcore matches). Or they figure that not many people use heartbeat sensors, which is true. But Ninja PRO is incredibly good- it makes your footsteps silent. I don’t think I need to explain why it’s so useful. But for some reason, even that’s not enough incentive for most people to use it. If you hate heartbeat sensors, then man up (woman up?) and use Ninja for cryin’ out loud! And for the record, Scrambler sucks.

GET OVER IT

Akimbo Rangers: At least they’re not using a SPAS-12 which has a much farther range, or Blinged 1887s. Campers: Just be as stealthy as you can! Equip a shotgun, Marathon, Cold Blooded and Ninja, and try and take over their camping spot for yourself. Or just avoid the place they’re camping. That works too. Snipers don’t always kill one hit: Complaining about this is like complaining that pistols aren’t one hit killers when you shoot someone in the head… you know you can shoot again, right? And if you’re really that picky, just transfer over to hardcore. If you want a detailed look at all the weapons, damage multipliers and tons of other useful information, check out this link. It helps to know all the technical details.

In the end, there is simply nothing we can do about certain injustices in video games. Things like care-package glitching are inevitable. And some things are just part of the game. This may come off as harsh, but get over it and try to enjoy the game for what it is- a broken but somehow addicting Call of Duty game.

“DON’T TELL ME TO GET OVER IT! THIS GAME IS BULLSHIT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!”

Final Fantasy XIII comes out tomorrow.  On March 9, 2010 Square Enix will be releasing the thirteenth iteration of the series to the hungrily waiting fanboys prowling the streets.  Initial reviews have been favorable, and it would seem that the game is going to be a solid representation of brand that many of us love.  The game will be available for both the Xbox 360 and the Playstaion 3.  Microsoft is also releasing a bundle which includes a copy of the game and a Xbox 360 elite system.  Gamestop, and it would appear a few Best Buys, will be offering midnight releases for the game if you are unable to contain your Final Fantasy addiction till tomorrow morning.

Despite recent unrest and a corporate reshuffling at Infinity ward, its good news for fans of long running series Call Of Duty. Not only is there a definite 2010 release of a ‘wholly new game’ but with conformation of a 2011 release, plus some new downloadable content coming for the utterly fantastic Modern Warfare 2, its looking like an ever increasing fantastic year for gamers.

What will perhaps delight and disillusion fans in equal measures though, is the news that newcomers SledgeHammer Games is in development on a Call of Duty game that will ‘extend the franchise into the action-adventure genre,’. This could be of case of ‘if it ain’t broke don’t fix it’. With the last couple releases all generally accepted as being within the nine out of ten range at least, weather it could be a move that backfires will remain to be seen.

I played Saints Row II today. Sure, that is in no way out of the ordinary since I’m gangster as fuck, but today I did something special: I crashed a plane into the skyscraper known as “The Ultor Building”. Not only did I crash a plane into the building, but somehow I survived and was warped into the structure itself. It was an office, and there were people there. I shot them, broke their necks, threw chairs at them until they died and finally grabbed them in order to toss them to their death a mile below.

When the game was released, did you hear anything about that in gaming news? They were unarmed civilians, and they didn’t have any clue what was going on. Chances are, you didn’t know about it until you’re awesome enough to terrorize polygons. So, why was “No Russian” so special? It’s special because you’re idiots. By “you”, I don’t necessarily mean “you”, mighty you who is a God send to lions and the anathema to bears. You devilishly handsome man or dashingly beautiful woman, you! Punch your mirror in its face; it’s trying to steal your damn good looks. I’m just kidding, you’re ugly.

Not you.

If you haven’t heard about “No Russian”, then you’re really far behind. In case you haven’t heard of it though, this Youtube video shows you everything and gives you some appropriate music to this controversial scene. The story behind it is that you play some kind of undercover agent in some Russian terrorist organization, and the people you’re killing are just doing their daily shit and hanging out at the local StarRusks or whatever. You can choose to gun them all down, or you can choose to not gun them all down. Man, these are tough moral choices. Why was this an issue again?

You are an asshole.

Personally, I don’t care who I gun down in a video game. I don’t have any sort of emotion or feelings towards these pixilated faggots who are just bullet magnets to my full metal jacket. Why should I? They’re not real. Sure, they represent real people (last I’ve heard, Russia is a real place and is located somewhere on the world map), but they’re not.

You're welcome.

It was even more of a “big deal” to everyone (read: blog sites related to video games/the news) that Visceral Games’ Dante’s Inferno had dead babies. Honestly, I can’t stand babies, so this didn’t bother me at all, once again, because they’re just pixels on my TV screen. The Hell-babies didn’t help either since they looked pissed off, attacked you in packs, had their guts out and had Scyther like blades on their arms. Baby or not, something charges at me like that and they’re getting wasted.

I am a pro at Paint.

After we (girlfriend and I) beat the game, I listened to some of the developer’s interviews. Surprise, surprise, there was an entire thing for these fucking dead babies. In it, they talked about the art and shit, but that was boring. It finally got to where the guy mentioned what you would feel being attacked by them. The developer guy wanted you to feel something. This isn’t grapes in a bowl at Halloween, it’s an already touted “edgy” game, and this doesn’t make it any worse. For fuck’s sake, there were chicks with vaginal tentacles and nipple tongues. Fuck you, Visceral Games.

I guess I’m a heartless, sadistic bastard since I advocate killing babies and unarmed civilians (disclaimer: in video games). I can understand if you were forced to kill outside of a video game, as I’m pretty sure that brings up a lot of emotion (unless you’re a badass). Really though, these are games, and the only people who get upset about this bullshit would be idiots, or websites/blogs trying to be first on Google search. Search for this game in 2012: Unarmed Baby Killer, you’ll be glad you did. I used a lot of pictures in this.

Don’t agree? Leave a comment, or you can e-mail me at raptor_jesus_vs_the_police@yahoo.com and I’ll make sure to copy/paste “Fuck you” at least thirty times.

Today, GameInformer’s Jeff Marchiafava revealed Portal 2 will be the cover of the next issue.  After two unprecedented updates to Portal 1 this past week many fans and journalists had taken the add-on’s as a hint for a sequel or an expansion of some sort.  The updates give you 26 audio transmissions you are able to hear through the in game radio, and if you’re so inclined to search– some hidden Morse code recordings.  Portal first started off as an experiment that was bundled in The Orange Box with Half-Life 2 and Team Fortress 2, and it became something bigger than Valve ever thought it would be.  Here’s all the art work:

UPDATE: Thanks to sil3nttt3mplar, it appears that playing Halo 2 on LIVE in the past is enough to get you an e-mail, at least in his case. We’ll go out on a limb and say that’s a lot of Halo fans who are going to be covered if that extends further.

Just as the Halo: Reach hype machine cranks up another notch following the release of the Halo: Reach beta multiplayer trailer earlier this week, it transpires that if you are an original Xbox owner you might not need a copy of Halo 3: ODST to join in on May 3rd after all.

Credit for this should go to the fine folks over at Halo.Bungie.Org who received an e-mail this morning regarding the discontinuation of Xbox LIVE on the original Xbox, due to take place on April 15th. As well as an extra three months on their Gold membership and 400 Microsoft points, it seems like some subset of original Xbox Live members will be e-mailed an invite to the Reach beta as a thankyou.

Up until now, both Microsoft and Bungie have been steadfast in asserting that the Halo 3: ODST disc is the only way in. As HBO point out, it’s unlikely that anybody will be able to do anything now if they aren’t eligible for this already. Personally speaking, I thought the ODST only restriction would eventually yield in place of some form of hype building code give-aways and the like anyway so it could be things are starting to unravel in this regard as the beta draws closer.

If we get any more information, we’ll update this post. Stay tuned.

Before I start this, I want you to do me a favor. Go to the following link and begin playing the song. This is the soundtrack to the game and you must remember every lyric, and then sing it your girlfriend. If you don’t have one, call a random girl you know and serenade her with this lovely tune. She will ask you out. Congratulations, lonely man. Okay, you may now start reading the review.

I couldn't find a picture of the game's start-up screen, so here is a unicorn looking super badass.

Robot Unicorn Attack is probably the greatest game that I have ever played. Now, I’m not really the person to ever praise a game, but this Flash masterpiece (Flashterpiece) deserves more than what it may already have. In reality, it’s what every game needs to be: simple, addictive and fun as hell. It reminded me of a simpler time, one of Mario and platforming, not the generic shooters we’ve been handed today. Sure, it looks gay at first, and I even resisted playing it. However, I am an idiot, don’t make my mistake.

You have to go to Adult Swim to play it, but don’t let that deter you. After sitting through a shitty ad disguised as a game pre-loader, I found myself assaulted by pink, rainbows and delightful music which is insanely soothing. Depress your left mouse button immediately. Fucking do it. Instructions are now in your face, and you are ready to take the plunge into awesometown. Just remember, Z jumps (press again for double jump) and X makes you charge shit like a madman.

You are now running into Valhalla and that unicorn is your fucking Valkyrie. Yeah, that is one sexy unicorn. This bitch has horns and shit, and a rainbow tail. Whoever designed this character is a genius and I wish to meet him. The object of this game is simple, don’t hit anything, eat the floating fairies and make the deadly stars explode like this was some kind of Michael Bay movie, only good. If you do hit something, you die and you’re taken to a screen that tells you how many attempts your sorry ass has left (2 or 1). The gameplay is amazing, and it’s too amazing for words other than “holy shit”.

Failure, but nice score.

The only thing this game lacks is a story, which I will not give it. You play as escaped Robot Unicorn patient #822, having heard that someone that funded the project for robot unicorns has raped your unicorn sister. You want revenge, and you’re going to fucking get it. The fairies, who were the workers and technicians of this debacle of science and God are attempting to stop you, but your quest for vengeance must be completed. Of course, the overseers are also trying to stop you, and they’re aliens who look like stars. You charge through them, your heart pumping furiously. You don’t even know if you’ll get to your raped unicorn sister and have your mission accomplished, but you’re not going to give up.

There, it is now the perfect game. In fact, why aren’t you playing it after I used the word “awesometown”? I’m not really into giving scores, but if I had to judge it out of ten, I’d say it’s “fucking awesome/10”.