Couples

How Marriage Seminars Can Stop Divorce

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony) — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 17:51:00 +0000

Marriage seminars could very well be the key to stopping your divorce. This is true even if you aren’t on the verge of a divorce. With the divorce rates skyrocketing, it pays for you to put in the work now at marriage seminars to make sure that you don’t have problems later.

For those of you not familiar with the term, a seminar is basically an event where experts gather to share some of their expertise. This can be multiple experts or just one, and it can be an event that lasts a few hours or a few days.

Marriage seminars are usually the longer variety, lasting over the course of a weekend, but if you look, you can find seminars that are longer or shorter. They are often Christian based, but again, if you take the time to look around you find ones that aren’t, if a religious based seminar doesn’t sound like it is up your alley.

All marriage seminars generally offer you the same advantages; they give you time to get away from everyday life and look at your marriage. This is important, because when you’re caught up in the day to day business of your life, it’s hard to actually look at your life. You just don’t have the distance that you need to do the work.

Marriage seminars, on the other hand, give you an opportunity to put yourself in a setting where you can get away from distractions and focus on the things that really matter. Even better, you’ll be there with other couples doing the same thing. The value of this time away is not to be underestimated.

It’s also good to know that you are not alone in your relationship problems. This one fact alone can really help you start the process of repairing your marriage. It may feel like you and your spouse are the only people in the world going through what you’re going through, but you aren’t, and getting away will show you that.

Another big plus is that marriage seminars are filled with experts on marriage, love and relationships. These are people who know what the right questions to ask are and can help guide you through the process of identifying your problems and they can tell you what you need to do to prevent your divorce.
The seminars and retreats are also good for people that aren’t having relationship problems. It’s all too common for us to not think about our relationships when things are going well, but having regular tune ups every few years is as good for your relationship as it is for your car. The best time for anyone to solve a problem us before it becomes a problem, and attending one of these seminars is an excellent way to do this.

If you can’t find the time or the money to do one of these marriage seminars, don’t worry. Thankfully, there are plenty of guides and systems available to you that can show you what you need to do to fix what is broken or even to just make sure nothing in your relationship gets broken to begin with.
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Is Step-Parenting Driving a Wedge Between Your Family?

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony) — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 14:59:00 +0000

“Yours, mine and ours” makes for an amusing movie plot, but it doesn’t assure a harmonious home. With so many stepfamilies in America, you would think we’d know how to make it work, but we don’t.

It’s a challenge to be a stepparent, no matter how good your intentions are. Maybe we’ve seen too many “wicked stepmother” stories that there’s an assumption of the stepparent as being the enemy.

As soon as a new “parent’ arrives in the family, the children start carving out territory. Then the adults get in on the act. Before long, the battle lines are drawn and the biological parent can become emotionally torn between the kids and the new spouse.

Psychotherapists have a name for it, “triangulation.” Think of a triangle with three sides. That’s what’s happening in the classic step-parenting drama: you, your spouse and kids are triangulating on every issue. It’s just constant upheaval in the home.

Kids always try to come between their parents. From toddlerhood, they instinctively know the principle of “divide and conquer.” When the parents are divorced and there’s a stepparent in the home, the game gets more intense.

Now the kids have a strong basis to create division, the old “blood is thicker than water” principle. And it’s natural for a parent to rise to the defense of his or her child. But when that’s a husband defending his child against his wife, the stepparent, it’s setting up a huge conflict on two fronts - spousal and parental.

In step parenting as well as traditional parenting, the spouses must find agreement and present a united front to the children. Even if they disagree, the couple must agree to disagree in private out of ear range of the children. Never let the children know that they can divide you, because they will attack like hungry predators.

The couple must also decide who disciplines whose children. There are needs for basic rules that are applied by parent or stepparent. Then the kids know that there’s no appealing for a reprieve. Break basic rules and the consequences apply equally. That also gives the stepparent authority that the parent will back up.

Step parenting is challenging enough on a good day. The couple has to remember that strengthening and affirming their commitment to each other is the best way to create family unity. The stepfamily is only as strong as the marriage.
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How a Healthy Mind and Body Can Contribute to a Healthy Relationship

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony) — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 13:08:00 +0000

When you start a relationship with someone, you want it to last as long as possible. Building a healthy relationship can help you do that. In order to have a strong relationship with someone, you need to have a healthy mind and body.

How do they make a relationship healthy? A healthy mind is when you have good self-esteem and confidence about who you are and what you want out of life. A healthy mind gives you independence so that you rely on yourself to get things done and don’t become co-dependent on your partner.

An unhealthy mind is when you have little or no self-esteem and no confidence in yourself. The lines of communication become non-existent because you withdraw into your own world and just look to your partner for guidance on your life, which puts a burden on your lover.

A healthy body is when you take care of yourself. You try to maintain a healthy weight and you care how you look and feel on a daily basis. You don’t smoke or drink or do anything that would cause harm to your body in the long run.

You exercise regularly to keep your heart running smoothly and eat a sensible diet, splurging once in awhile as a reward. Your attitude becomes a positive one that makes your partner want to spend time with you.

An unhealthy body is when you don’t care enough about yourself to take care of your body. You smoke or drink too much and let yourself go. You eat junk food most of the time and your waistline is expanding.

Since you don’t care about yourself, you don’t try to exercise or do things that would keep your heart beating soundly. Your attitude is poor, making your relationship crumble because your partner no longer wants to spend any time with you. You can’t blame them because if you can’t even love you, why should they?

When your mind and body are in sync with one another, you can gain a positive attitude, which keeps the line of communication going with your partner. It allows you to listen to them and helps you support them whenever they need it (and vice versa). You’re more likely to do what it takes to keep that relationship in tip-top shape so that it continues to grow.

Avoid those pitfalls and take a stand on your mental and physical health. Setbacks are sure to happen, but don’t let them ruin your state of mind or affect your health for the long run.
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What Women Want Most from Their Husbands

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony) — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 15:51:00 +0000

What women want most from their husbands is the easiest, least expensive gift a guy rarely thinks to give. It’s not from the jewelry store or the luxury car dealer. It doesn’t involve lingerie or even designer shoes.

And no, it’s not about chocolate, truffles or cheesecake. What women want most and get least from their husbands is TIME. Sounds simple, right? But the truth is, our lives get so crowded with work, commuting, children and home maintenance, there are barely enough hours in the day to get everything done.

As the children get older they have activities that keep the parents in a state of perpetual taxi service. Before long, most of the conversations between the couple are about practical things, more like a daily schedule conference and not communication between husband and wife.

It's understandable that guys want some time for their interests to go fishing or watch football for hours. So he hands her the credit card and says, "Have fun shopping" hoping the mall stays open long enough for the last game to finish. Having done that, he thinks he's met her needs. Sure, she's enjoying the shopping but that's no substitute for what she really wants most from him, his attention.

What women want most is to be the focus of their man's interest, the way she was when they first met. She knows it can’t be that way every day for hours on end now that they have other responsibilities.

But she wonders why it can't be that way for at least a weekly date night or a long weekend together? She would like to be out in the car together and talk or hold hands without him fiddling with the radio buttons to catch the news.

He has totally no idea why fixing the kitchen faucet or taking her car for an oil change isn't seen as quality time to her. So she has to explain it. Explain, not whine, gripe or complain.

Just saying she wants time is too confusing for most men to grasp. Instead, she should give a specific use for that time like going to a movie or taking a walk in the park. Waiting for him to use his imagination to guess what she means by "spending time with me" is likely to miss her expectations. So she should be specific - he'll appreciate knowing exactly what to do to please her.
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What Women Want From From A Relationship And A Man

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony) — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 18:31:00 +0000

Different women have different expectations about what they want from a man and a relationship.

For example, a young woman may not know what she wants in a relationship simply because she isn't experienced enough to know what's important to her yet.

A more mature woman, one who's been in different relationships, may know exactly what she's looking for in a relationship. But there's one thing all types of women know about before they get into a relationship...They know what they're ATTRACTED to!

See, the female mind processes things in this manner:

1. Is there something attracting me to this man?

2. Will this man be a good fit for me in the long term?

Usually, within the first few minutes of meeting a man, the former will kick in. She starts to evaluate the man's appeal quality. If he passes, then she will evaluate the later. This means that if he gets her really turned on, or even in bed, then she'll immediately start evaluating him based on his potential for a long-term relationship.

Women who try to do this backwards, by getting into a relationship and hoping the attraction will grow, usually end up disappointed.

When it comes to what women are actually looking for in a relationship, you can expect these factors to come into play:

1. How well does the man treat her?
2. What is the level of attraction occurring?
3. How good is he in bed?
4. How strong is the emotional connection?
5. How good of a provider is he?

Let's quickly go through these five female relationship factors...

The first factor can be misleading. All women want a man who treats them well, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she wants the treatment of a goddess and fawned over.(Sure, that's okay from time to time, but too much of a good thing is a bad thing...)

Women want to feel like the man they are with is loving and strong. So if he treats her in a way that she knows he cares, knows that she’s safe, but also knows that he won't take her bullcrap, them she will feel well treated.

The next factor has to do with what we discussed earlier. If she is feeling sexual attraction towards him, then this factor is met. But if things have fizzled, this is possibly the deal breaker.

Most women aren't used to having men who are good in bed. So if he can please her between the sheets, then chances are she'll see him as a "keeper."

If there is a strong emotional connection, a woman will want to be around him. She will feel connected to him and want to please him. This is a very important factor in any relationship.

Women who don't have a strong emotional connection to the men they are in a relationship with will tend to cheat on them, because they aren't being fulfilled emotionally.

Finally, a man who is a good provider will make a woman feel safe and cared for. Many women will gravitate towards men who can pay their bills, even if all the other relationship factors are absent. But that doesn't mean that this type of relationship is a happy or stable one (for either party).
Showing a woman that he is a good provider is probably the least important factor in a strong relationship, but it is still a factor.

But the first step you need to be aware of before you can even begin to THINK about relationships is the initial ATTRACTION phase. And that phase starts with how you MEET her.

I personally believe that any man has the potential to attract any woman.
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Is Restoring Trust In Your Relationship After An Affair Possible?

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony) — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 05:06:00 +0000

Some people say that an affair should always end a relationship. But I disagree. I believe that every relationship is savable if both parties really want to work at it. This article is about restoring trust in relationships.

Restoring trust in relationships requires a modification in attitude and actions. Even after an affair, it is possible to save a relationship. But it begins with rebuilding the level of trust within the couple.

If you had an affair, you have had an attitude that allowed you to stray. There may be something at the relationship’s core that is diseased. But you can heal the disease.

What was it that you were looking for when you strayed? Was the sex humdrum? Was your mate too busy for you? Were they just not spending enough time on their weight or grooming?

You wouldn’t have had an affair if the primary relationship were going well. So, first you need to fix what was wrong in the relationship. Often that lies in self-analysis.

Restoring trust in relationships means fixing the underlying problems. Sometimes that may mean going into couples counseling.

But just understanding your thoughts isn’t enough. The next step is to take concrete action in fixing the problems.

The secret to restoring trust in a relationship lies not in just talking about the right things, but in doing the right things.

One of the biggest steps you can take is to make small promises and keep them. If you promise to take the trash out every evening, do it. And, do it consistently. When you demonstrate that your partner can trust you with the small things, they will gradually trust you in other areas of the relationship.

Your mate is going to need constant reassurance that you have changed. This means that you are going to need to apologize more than once over time. You will also need to treat the recurring comments about the violation of trust as a matter of course. It is not easy for them to forgive the breach. If you want to stay together, you will have to be patient.

This does not mean that you must feel guilty about the indiscretion forever. In fact, if you allow them to constantly guilt trip you, they will not be satisfied in the new relationship you are building. Just be understanding.

Finally, you need to put a positive spin on the incident. Treat it as an opportunity for both of you to grow as individuals and for the relationship to mature. Just as a bone grows stronger at the place it has been broken, a relationship can improve after an affair.

Restoring trust in a relationship takes time. It requires that you change both your attitudes and actions. But it is possible to heal the hurt and be a stronger couple as a result. Check out my website for more relationship information.

How Can You Tell If You Are In A Toxic Relationship?

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony) — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 04:43:00 +0000

How can you tell if you are in a toxic relationship? Here are some clues:

· Your partner puts you down (verbally) in front of others.
· While your partner says they love you, their actions don’t show it.
· Your partner is controlling and constantly checks up on you.
· Your partner tries to make you dependent on them.
· You have changed things about yourself to please them.

Toxic people make you feel ill just being around them. So, why would anyone end up in a toxic relationship? Why would anyone want to be with someone who makes him or her feel emotionally or physically harmed?

A toxic relationship has a cycle. There’s a honeymoon period, followed by a break up, followed by reconciliation – at which point the cycle begins anew.

When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in the honeymoon stage. It is not until they’ve sucked you in further that you realize that you are in a toxic relationship. At that point, it is difficult to get out.

One reason is that many people in toxic relationships grow up in toxic homes. As a result, they replicate the patterns of their childhood without even knowing they’re doing it. And, they may not know any better. Others believe they do not deserve happiness. Still others find that they enjoy taking care of people.

But the first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you do have choices. Often people who stay in these relationships have low self esteem or suffer from depression.

Once you realize that you have choices, the next step is to start standing up for yourself. In most toxic relationships, the toxic partner has taught you that it is your entire fault. Once you buy into this, it can be very difficult to either walk away from the relationship or set new limits that can heal the relationship.

For some people, working in therapy groups can help them either get out of or redefine these horrible relationships.

The good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships. Some of them leave the relationship and form new, healthier bonds.

But others are actually able to repair their relationship and stay in it.

The truth is that most relationships are salvageable. Sometimes it takes a little space. Other times, it takes counseling. But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way.

The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you’re willing to walk away. If you aren’t willing to walk away, you’ll never be able to heal that which divides you.

Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection. Don’t nag the other person. Simply say, “I need your support,” “I need your love,” or “I need your truthful opinion.”

If you don’t get what you need, the other person should know that you’re prepared to walk.
A healthy relationship is a two way street. In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way. You have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands. Check out my website for more relationship information

Couples

noreply@blogger.com (Anthony) — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 00:58:00 +0000

Couples will find that starting a relationship is the easiest part. But to maintain that relationship will require knowing your partner. For a long lasting healthy relationship you must ask questions. You must ask questions that will give you the necessary knowledge of who your partner really is. In a relationship there are questions that couples need to ask to keep that relationship alive and vibrant.

Couples should share their thoughts and feelings with each other. Do this without making the other person feel stupid for what they’re feeling. Share what’s going on with each other. There will be differences because it’s a natural occurrence for all couples. Talk out those differences. If one person wants one thing and the other person wants another, decide upon a compromise to meet each other halfway.

Couples should also learn to listen. To listen to your partner when they need it, encourages them to talk and discuss things with you. Take your partners concerns seriously. Don’t brush them off as nonsense. Don’t interrupt let them say what they need to. When they finish ask questions concerning how you can help. This will help solidify a relationship or marriage. Couples should never keep thoughts or feelings bottled up inside of them. Let things out. If you don’t take the questions and concerns of your partner seriously, communication in the relationship will break down.

Couple should avoid lying and strive to build trust and honesty in a relationship or marriage. Lies will only lead to other lies and will eventually kill trust in a partnership completely. Trust is a necessity. Without trust you have little if anything in a relationship or marriage. When there’s little are no trust between each other, ask questions to find the cause and discuss solutions that are mutually agreeable to resolve the issue. It’s not always easy to do, but it is essential for trust and communication.

Maintaining these key points in your relationship will ensure that you will grow a healthy, fulfilling relationship that will last a lifetime. Read More