As you may know, I now have symmastia (or synmastia) and will be soon facing my THIRD complete reconstruction surgery. My problems are rare, but I believe that if I had purchased this bra after reconstruction I would not be facing symmastia. I believe that with everything I am.

The Thong Bra basically is a specialty bra that works much better than athletic or underwire bras. I have heard of women being told to wear both types of bras 24 hours a day after reconstruction, basically to keep the breasts from moving while allowing the scar tissue over the breast bone develop to create a nice ‘pocket’ for the implants. The Thong Bra goes one step further and has a firm section that presses down on the breast bone, keeping the muscles and skin where they should be, which reduces the risks of symmastia.

I received my thong bra a little over a week ago, and although I have already developed symmastia, I can tell you that every time I put the bra on I hate to take it off. Wearing the bra is the first time I have been comfortable in months. It relieves the pressure and tightness I feel over my breast bone. It forces my implants that are too close together because of the torn pocket into the proper place and it’s a feeling of ‘ahhhhh’ to have my breasts in the right spot! I LOVE MY THONG BRA!

The bra arrives in a beautiful package that is obviously wrapped with love by the creator, Judy. The package and accompanying letter are adorned with little hearts and special touches that let you know that this is more than just a bra.

Every Thong Bra is handmade. Judy created the Thong Bra after struggling along her own journey, 13 years ago she also experienced bottoming out and symmastia. I thought my journey was tough, but I can’t imagine going through these problems 13 years ago when they were truly unheard of. She went through 3 failed surgeries and countless doctor appointments and created this bra so that you and I don’t have to face the same struggles.

And, again, although I found this bra after developing symmastia, I wish I had found this bra earlier. I believe it would have made all the difference in my recovery, and would have prevented having to go through yet another surgery.

I wore the Thong Bra to my appointment with my surgeon to discuss my symmastia repair, and he suggested that after my next surgery I should wear the Thong Bra continuously during recovery. I would anyway. It’s the best I’ve felt in months.

The Thong Bra isn’t invisible. It’s not going to hide quietly under a tiny tee. But that’s ok. I’m just going to boldly accessorize with scarves. I’d rather wear a scarf here and there than risk going through this again. Recovery seems like forever, but it’s just a few months. I will happily wear my Thong Bra every day!

Check out photos of my Thong Bra below. Want to find out more about this wonderful bra? Visit http://www.thongbra.com/

This is a post that will be on all of my sites, Courage Is My Strength, Team Courage Racing, and Team Courage Gazelles. Since you are reading this now, you probably know that I had a double mastectomy to prevent breast cancer almost exactly 2 years ago. I have been going through reconstruction since, and due to loss of insurance and several complications a process that should have taken just a few months has stretched into years. But I have been using my story as a way to hopefully light the path for other women fearful of breast reconstruction and have wanted from the bottom of my heart to take some of the fear from those women and hopefully inspire them to chase their dreams at the same time. Courage Is My Strength is about educating by sharing my reconstruction story, and Team Courage is about inspiring women to never give up.

Over the last few months I have guessed that I’ve developed a new problem with my reconstruction. I have been so caught up and excited in my upcoming adventure with my Team Courage Gazelle partner Emme that I have been successfully able to put my worries to the back of my mind. I knew I had developed a fairly rare complication called symmastia, but I really tried not to think about it. But now I have to come to the realization that I can’t ignore this condition any longer.

Basically, to give you the quick version, my pectoral muscle has detached from my breastbone. This is exactly as uncomfortable as it sounds. Since my implants are under that muscle, it means that my implants can cross over the breastbone to the wrong side. They can touch each other and move around in ways they shouldn’t. I could live with that, and have been doing just fine ignoring it for awhile, but recently the muscles have begun to tear more allowing for more movement and causing quite a bit of pain, not to mention it has become physically disfiguring. There are other minor issues going on as well, but the worsening of my symmastia is a problem I can no longer overlook. The surgeries to fix this problem will be painful and I will really have to be diligent in taking care of myself during recovery. I will be pretty limited in my activities, but doing it right will make sure I don’t have to go through this again.

The Ladies of Team Courage! Betsy, Michele, Emme, and Heather

So many of you have been so supportive of Team Courage as well as Courage Is My Strength, and your support means the world to me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. It is with heavy heart that I have to tell you that I will be most likely looking at several surgeries in 2012, and will not be able to race at all this year. Including Morocco. My dream of racing in 4 countries in 12 months is over for this year.

Please know that this isn’t the end of Team Courage! I have had lengthy discussions with all of my team, and all three girls are being super supportive and ready to make 2012 a great year for all of us! Emme was amazing enough to decide to stay with me and sit this year out instead of replacing me. She not only said that she can’t imagine doing the Gazelle Rally without me, she also wisely pointed out that if we are really going to be representing women facing breast cancer, we need to be honest that this kind of stuff happens, and complications are sometimes part of it. So we may be out for 2012, but we are still making big plans.

The 4 of us will all be together for the NORRA Mexican 1000. I will be there to support my team as well as to offer support to the organization that is like my family, if they should need me. The 4 of us will be together for the Powder Puff as well. Again, even if I can’t race, I will be there to cheer on my girls. I’m so proud to say there will be at least one Team Courage vehicle in both events.

The extra time Emme and I will now have to get to Morocco allows us to really do things right. We can launch a really great marketing and funding campaign and also put together a totally rad story about overcoming some pretty amazing obstacles to make it to Morocco. And we WILL make it to Morocco.

Don’t give up on us! Your support during these difficult months will mean everything to us. Plan on hearing a lot from us as we continue racing to make a difference to women facing breast cancer. We have fund raisers, events, fun times, and even a documentary on the horizon. We will see you soon!

I have so far spoken with 7 doctor’s offices, left a message for another, and received a generic “You have reached…”voice mail when I called the 9^th. I didn’t leave a message with that one, already not making a very professional impression from the get go.

Of the 7 offices I actually spoke with, only 3 knew what symmastia is, although there are a lot of procedures the doctors I work for do that I don’t know about. Only 1 office had me speak with an assistant that was not only very nice and professional but knowledgeable as well. She gave me so much more information than any other office that her surgeon already stands out in my mind as the surgeon I will be using.

As a patient, I have already learned that this condition is kind of rare. Thankfully, because of this blog, I have heard from several of my BFFs that have been unfortunate to also have been through symmastia repair. It’s a relief to know I’m not alone. But as a patient of an usual complication calling the offices of ‘world renowned’ ‘specialty’ plastic surgeons, you would think the offices would treat you more like a patient and less like cattle. Some of the offices I spoke with had employees that sounded completely out of their mind with boredom and like they were only there for a paycheck. Although I will give them a break since it is the day before Christmas Eve.

I am not excited about these next steps, but I am at least content that I’m finally moving forward again and will be taking the next step soon. My biggest worry, after the thought of the pain of surgery, is that the muscle damage is already too bad for me to be able to do some of the events I have planned for next year. Although my health comes first, I will still be disappointed if I can’t make it to some of my events.

I’m sure I will keep trying to find a way!

So for a crash course in my PBM and reconstruction story, you can read the condensed version here.

After the PBM, expander phase, implant swap, and then new implants and repairs to torn muscles, I was very happy with the result. Despite the pain of the last surgery, I couldn’t believe the difference in the way the new implants looked.

During the first 6 months of recovery I noticed a problem. I have always been fearful of developing ‘uniboob’, I think because during so much of this process the chest muscles are just stretched so tight. I have found it is a common fear with women going through reconstruction. A few months after surgery, I noticed that my skin no longer seemed to be attached to my breast bone and was popping up a bit. I asked my plastic surgeon about it and he agreed, and let me know that it could get worse, but that he wouldn’t recommend repair until/if it became worse because the surgery is painful and doesn’t always work. I had really had enough of pain and couldn’t imagine another surgery.

(Photos and resource links are posted at the end of this blog post)

Since that time I have noticed ‘rippling’ on both sides, when the muscle adheres to the implants and causes a weird ripple effect on the chest. I have also found that the ‘uniboob’ (real medical term is symmastia) is getting worse. The only way to repair either problem is with surgery. If I were facing just mild cases of either of those, I would probably be content to avoid surgery. But now that I have both problems, and they have grown worse over the last few months, I have come to face the fact that I will be facing another repair surgery next year.

I also have ‘dog ears’ on both sides of my left scar. Like rippling, they are difficult to photograph, but it is annoying that I have to wear a bra all of the time, and can be embarrassing because sometimes one of them pops out of my bra and creates a lump on my breast.

The surgery to repair symmastia isn’t fun. They will be stitching the muscle and skin to my breast bone and permanently stitching different places in my pocket to reduce future movement of the implants. I have found some very helpful information from different websites about symmastia. I haven’t spoken to my plastic surgeon about this yet, but will be soon. I have found that this repair isn’t done by a lot of surgeons and may have to travel to have it performed. I have found a doctor in San Diego that does them fairly regularly and also repairs rippling by adding Alloderm instead of just removing the implants and trying again, so I’m thinking I’m going to contact his office for an appointment in January.

I don’t think I’m really upset about this. I can feel a part of me that would love to be depressed, could easily be depressed about this. But as I did research this weekend I saw so many photos of reconstructions that have gone wrong and the scars from breast cancer and treatment and I know that I am still very lucky. Although some can get through this without any complications at all, my complications have been minimal compared to some, and I’m still healthy and haven’t had to face the nightmare of being diagnosed with breast cancer and fighting for my life. It could be so much worse.

So that’s where I’m at in my much-longer-than-expected journey with PBM and reconstruction. I will be contacting surgeons that specialize in the repair of symmastia to get a feel for the plan for the future. I know the repair is pretty intense, so I won’t be planning on doing it until after the Team Courage Gazelle’s event in Morocco (The Gazelle Rally) and the Team Courage Racing event in Baja (The NORRA Mexican 1000). That puts it about June. I’m also hoping to host a breast cancer survivor/previvor retreat in June, so make sure you’re signed up for blog updates so you can sign up before the spots are filled!

I have a smile on my face and a uniboob under my shirt, and life is good. One more step forward, and everything happens for a reason. 

“The caterpillar thought her life was over, and then she became a butterfly. 

Here is another site for more detailed photos. Again, not a recommendation, only information.

Here are photos of my different stages, including rippling, dog ears, and symmastia.

I want you to know that I read every single email and post that I get. Every story makes me smile and cry, and all of you are in my thoughts constantly. When I talk to people about my site, and about Team Courage, I often share these stories you share with me, making sure that others are hearing your voices and that they understand that the women around them are so much stronger and courageous than they realize, and that you never know what the woman next to you may be going through. I haven’t been able to reply and keep in touch with everyone the way I want, and I apologize for that. But I want you all to know that your stories stay with me and mean something to me, and your stories are what keep me going when I start to lose my way. Now that my life seems to have balanced out somewhat my plan is to put Courage Is My Strength first. Thank you for continuing to visit and for staying in touch, and for sharing your thoughts and fears and successes with all of us.

You may be familiar with Team Courage, my little race team that I use to raise awareness for Courage Is My Strength. I use my races to hopefully let the women facing frightening decisions about breast cancer and reconstruction know they aren’t alone and that although this is a terrifying time, there is light at the end of the tunnel and to never give up. I also use each race as a method to raise money for different breast cancer charities.

I have a race in California on October 8th, called the Powder Puff. The entire race benefits the Cedars Sinai breast cancer research foundation. Our goal as a team is to raise $2500 for that race. Next March I will be racing with one other woman in Africa for 9 days. It’s called the Rallye Aicha des Gazelles, or the Gazelle Rally, and it’s one of the toughest off road rallies in the world. Only 5 U.S. women have participated since its inception in 1991. Our goal is to raise $50,000 for that rally, and getting our non-profit status will help us reach that goal with corporate sponsors. We will be primarily be benefiting the National Breast Cancer Foundation, chosen because of their focus on providing mammograms to underinsured women.

All of you are so important to me, and I want to make sure you all know you are the driving force behind everything I do. My teams race in honor of all of you. To show the world the impact breast cancer, or the chance of developing breast cancer, has on so many women I will be adding names to my truck for everyone to see. It’s our way to show the world that we honor each of you. But before doing this I wanted to make sure you had the chance to remain anonymous if you would like to. Each badge of honor will read like this:

Heather Berger-Previvor ~Honored by Michele

We will be using only last initials if that is preferred, and we will be honoring survivors, previvors, fighters, and angels. Many of you contact me without giving your last name, and I’m not certain if some of you are still fighters or if you have been blessed to become survivors. If you could please let me know if you would NOT like to be included, or send your last name or initial and your current health status. And, please, if you have other women you would like to honor, I would be proud to add them to our truck. We want to honor every woman that we can. Please let me honor you, and please add other women that deserve to be honored too. I have links at the bottom of this page to take to our honor page.

The Courage Is My Strength website could not survive without your visits and caring. I don’t think I could survive without you women either! I am honored to have heard from each of you, and blessed by all of the help I’ve had in making Team Courage a reality. We are taking small steps at first, but I have every intention of making Team Courage as big as possible so that we can help other fighters, survivors, and previvors in their journey.

Thank you for reading my post, I’m so sorry it is so long. Thank you for all you have done for me, and for each other, and thank you in advance for your help. I know it’s time consuming, and a lot to ask, but every moment you spend making your mark on these sites helps us grow and help other women.

Thank you, I love each of you, and I’m thankful for you every day. You have my best, always.

Michele

Please visit each of our Courage sites below. Every visit helps us show our sponsors that people are paying attention to what we do. Every visit makes a difference. I know it’s time consuming, and a lot to ask, but every moment you spend making your mark on these sites helps us grown and help other women.

Main Team Courage Site

Video About Team Courage

To see and add to our Honor Page

While you are on our site, it would mean so much if you would also make a post on our “I am Team Courage” page. This helps us show our sponsors that our team is important.

Although my focus is currently on the race in just 2 weeks, I have another website set up for our Moroccan race.

You can also help support Courage by becoming our Facebook Friend.

http://facebook.com/courage.racing

http://facebook.com/teamcouragegazelles

http://facebook.com/courageismystrength

Team Courage Racing and Team Courage Gazelles are my two off road racing endevours, and they mean so much to me. I use these two teams as a means to raise money for other breast cancer charities, as well as to raise awareness to women that are facing the same choices I faced, so they know there are so many others out there facing the same fears. We aren’t alone, and we should still be proud of who we are and know that we are all powerful and beautiful, with or without breasts, no matter our scars. Maybe our scars actually give us the freedom to be MORE courageous and strong. But I need your help to reach these women.

There are a few things you can help with. The most important to me is to share a little of your story, especially those of you that are going through breast cancer issues or on the previvor path. You are Team Courage as much as I am. So many of you have written to me or posted here, and it touches my heart every time you do. It would mean the world to me if you would post a little bit about your strength, or courage, or the pride you feel to be you on my new racing blog. Our team has a large following on Facebook and I would like for our fans to see that what we’re doing really does touch the lives of other women. Showing that we touch even one person makes a donation to our causes more likely, and helps get the word out about what we are doing. You can find the page for posting here. And if you will email me a photo I will create a page of all of our fans to see that the world is full of powerful and courageous women, and we are all Team Courage.

Another thing you can help me with is just making sure you are our friends on Facebook, like our posts, and that you occasionally visit our other sites or sign up for those blog updates. We have a huge following for Team Courage Racing on Facebook, but the Team Courage Gazelles Facebook page is just getting started and really needs more friends. Please friend us! My Gazelle team will be racing in Africa next spring, and our goal is to raise $50,000 so that we can make huge donations to the National Breast Cancer Foundation and the City of Hope, as well as spread the word about Courage across the globe.

Spreading the word is sometimes as easy as liking us on Facebook, but telling people is great too. With your help I hope to not only raise $2,500 for the Powder Puff race in October benefiting the Cedars Sinai breast cancer research foundation, reach our $50,000 goal for Africa, but also start our new project next year. After getting so many emails from young women in their 20′s that have been diagnosed with breast cancer, and seeing teens and women in their 20′s struggle with other intimate decisions and challenges, I’m starting the Save The Girls Project targeting young women and helping them catch breast cancer and other problems early.

Your support means the world to me, and I could not have made it through without the kind words, thoughts, and prayers of each one of you. Thank you for everything you have done for me, and all of our breast friends out there.

I have removed all of the posts about Team Courage Racing and NORRA. They both still mean everything to me, but after taking the time to research the patterns of the visitors of my blog I found that those aren’t the posts my visitors are reading. My visitors and followers of this blog are here because of breast cancer or breast reconstruction. So I’ve cleaned up the site and moved everything concerning Team Courage to our team website.

I am so sorry that I am behind in posting updates, photos, and videos. I am working on getting updates out to you soon, and I thank you for the concerned emails I have been getting! I am ok, things are healing well, and I can’t wait to get back on track with my updates.

If you’re getting this update by email after Sunday, just ignore it!