A Gonzo Journal

Such Succulent Sake

Cowboy Caleb — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 10:45:03 +0000

15 minutes ago, I left the Japanese restaurant located just outside my apartment block. It is an upscale eatery with Japanese speaking service staff, catering to mainly my Japanese expat neighbours.

Today, because I felt so down, I ordered a bottle of sake to go along with the salmon sashimi, cold noodles and prawn tempura.

Today, because I felt so down, I drank all the sake and wasn’t interested in a bite of food. When I asked for the bill, the waitress looked at my untouched food and asked if anything was the matter.

I told her the sake was excellent.

Then, I popped into the liquor shop next door and bought a bottle of Bacardi, some soda water and a few lemons.

The theme of today’s morose mood is ” After 30, The Things You Love Fall Away”. I find that as I grow older, the things I love confuse me, and the things I no longer love are becoming a burden.

Some burdens are too heavy to bear alone.

Torchlight

Cowboy Caleb — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 10:27:58 +0000

I just bought this new game called Torchlight online.

Because it’s looks set to be a lonely weekend.

Because I have given up drinking.

Because I like pretending that I’m actually an elf slinging bows and arrows into the crotches of foul-smelling orcs and goblins.

14 Gifts That Will Get You Laid This Christmas

Cowboy Caleb — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 10:56:31 +0000

14 Gifts That Will Get You Laid This Christmas

The World’s Greatest Con: Man Helg Sgarbi

Cowboy Caleb — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 10:47:18 +0000

The World’s Greatest Con: Man Helg Sgarbi
Seducing, swindling, and blackmailing European matrons, Helg Sgarbi perfected a scam that made him a fortune. Then one day he met the billionaire BMW heiress

How to Seduce Difficult Women

Cowboy Caleb — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 10:45:09 +0000

How to Seduce Difficult Women – it’s really quite simple

Every Nickelback Wikipedia Page Vandalism Ever

Cowboy Caleb — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 10:19:06 +0000

Every Nickelback Wikipedia Page Vandalism Ever – I hates them too

Why only young girls should strip on webcams

Cowboy Caleb — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 06:19:13 +0000

Why Only Young Girls Should Strip – Watch more Funny Videos

Ian Fisher : American Soldier

Cowboy Caleb — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 11:11:16 +0000

Ian Fisher : American Soldier – kinda makes you want to pack up and join the army after reading it

Malaysian Blogger Bernard Khoo asked to appear at Commercial Crimes Dept

Cowboy Caleb — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 15:09:48 +0000

Malaysian Blogger Bernard Khoo asked to appear at Commercial Crimes Dept. How sad is this?

Taiwanese girl invents tofu-shaped breathing chair

Cowboy Caleb — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 14:43:22 +0000

Taiwanese girl invents tofu-shaped breathing chair – tofu has other connotions in Mandarin. It literally means, to molest.

The Complete Run Down Of Jobs

Cowboy Caleb — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 07:20:21 +0000

Stressful jobs that pay badly and Least stressful jobs and of course the f87kers with the Top-paying jobs

Looks like I may learn to live here after all

Cowboy Caleb — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 23:15:18 +0000

The expat supermarkets I had found so far had been found lacking and selling overpriced shite. To make matters worse, the selection of imported food at places like Carrefour was found to be severely lacking.

Having picked up a copy of a the only freely distributed English magazine in Guangdong called “Here! Dongguan”, I began flicking through the classifieds section. To my surprise, I found a Jusco supermarket located about 20 minutes from my apartment. If you don’t know, Jusco is a Japanese chain of supermarkets and malls which have proven to be extremely popular in Malaysia where they are known as Jaya Jusco.

Upon arrival at the supermarket, I nearly wept when I found the same layout in China, that you would find in Malaysia. Fruits were neatly stacked. Meats were chopped into tidy bits, cleaned and then wrapped in foil. For the first time, an idiot like me could shop without cringing because the average China supermarket isn’t very different from a wet market.

I bought lots of steak (pre-marinated with black pepper), enough for an entire week.

The important goods section were just as impressive. Jusco didn’t really declare they had an imported goods section but instead decided to just mix everything together.

Quality of life here just went up by 5 points.

Stereo8 is an internet radio with a twist: the listeners share and choose the music.

Cowboy Caleb — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 11:00:42 +0000

Stereo8 is an internet radio with a twist: the listeners share and choose the music. Now

Selling Speakers Out Of A White Van

Cowboy Caleb — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 02:04:32 +0000

A couple of years ago, I was walking along Ann Siang hill after work to look for a friend so we could head off to the bar for a beer when suddenly a white van pulls up and this old chinese dude pops his head out the window and asks me if I would like to buy some branded speakers for next to nothing (well SGD500 actually).

Apparently, he been asked to deliver 20 sets, but had somehow been given 21 sets by mistake so he wanted to make some money.

Despite showing me some brochures, I declined his offer because I know nothing about speakers and basically do not appreciate audio hi-fi in the least.

Now I discover, that this is a scam and it exists all over the world.

THE International Islamic University Malaysia has become the first “no dating place” in the country.

Cowboy Caleb — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 01:20:17 +0000

THE International Islamic University Malaysia has become the first “no dating place” in the country. So if you don’t date during university, how on earth are you going to find 4 wives and become a proper polygamist?

One Malaysia? My Arse!!!

Cowboy Caleb — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 01:18:26 +0000

‘One Malaysia’ my arse – Three bright Malaysian students were denied places in university matriculation programmes because they are of mixed parentage. No wonder debates like this are still taking place with our smartest kids being denied a proper education.

Malaysian Girls Are Idiots

Cowboy Caleb — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 01:15:41 +0000

Malaysian girls are idiots, says Malaysian Deputy Foreign Minister A. Kohilan Pillay. It is the view of Cowboy Caleb that Malaysian ministers are idiots.

Somali man aged 112 marries girl of 17

Cowboy Caleb — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 07:53:02 +0000

Somali man aged 112 marries girl of 17 – there is no hope for the human race

Town-Sized Illusion

Cowboy Caleb — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 07:38:54 +0000

Town-Sized Illusion – this is so screaming awesome. I’m sure we could do something like this in Toa Payoh

Nintendo profits freefall as iPhone cuts into portable game sales

Cowboy Caleb — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 07:36:29 +0000

Nintendo profits freefall as iPhone cuts into portable game sales – I am finding this hard to believe because I pay good money for iPhone games on a regular basis and find that most of them either lack depth or suck ass.

Requiem For Mine Caffeine

Cowboy Caleb — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 07:53:45 +0000

Today, I succumbed and drank a cup of hot coffee down in one gulp despite swearing to myself that I would never touch that heroin again. After every last drop of brown liquid had found its way into my belly, I felt the familiar sense of glowing happiness begin to seep into the pores of my skin.

It was a feeling not unlike a good blowjob by an ugly woman.

I am deathly afraid of habit-forming consumables and of forming habits. They are a crutch that quite frankly, a man born without station or advantages in life like me, can ill afford.

Caffeine is something that inspires a sense of dread and longing at the same time in my loins. For on one hand, it perks you up but then you come to a point where you simply can’t function without it. I know people that can’t even start their day without having a cup of the heroin first.

Little wonder that drug dealers like Starbucks and Ya Kun rake in the big bucks.

I’d advise any and all my readers not to drink this shite.

That’s how you cook a real thick steak for your man

Cowboy Caleb — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 02:49:31 +0000

That’s how you cook a real thick steak for your man – I predict very wild and rough sex will follow after such a wonderful feast is prepared.

My husband has a virtual girlfriend

Cowboy Caleb — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 02:36:56 +0000

My husband has a virtual girlfriend – this is why grown men should not own a Nintendo DS

If you play Farmville on Facebook, check this out

Cowboy Caleb — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 01:02:59 +0000

If you play Farmville on Facebook, check this out

The Curse Of Being Beautiful (Disney-style)

Cowboy Caleb — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 00:59:37 +0000

Movies reborn as pron!

Cowboy Caleb — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 00:56:54 +0000

Movies reborn as pron! – my fav is Goatsebusters

Giant breasts shock China

Cowboy Caleb — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 00:54:01 +0000

Giant breasts shock China – hahahahahahahahahahhaha!!!

There is no hope for the human race

Cowboy Caleb — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 00:47:01 +0000

There is no hope for the human race – what’s disturbing is that he managed to find other men to participate

Destiny Lead Me To This Pushcart In Front of A Shanghai Carrefour

Cowboy Caleb — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 13:30:36 +0000

It was a grey and lifeless day yesterday in Shanghai. I could barely feel the passage of time because the sun was hidden behind clouds of gravel-coloured cotton. Although I had left Suzhou at 7am in the morning and slept all the way during the dull 2 hour journey to the Pudong section of Shanghai, I still felt as if I had just woke up.

After spending most of the morning in meetings, I was brought out for lunch at a nearby industrial area that can be best described as Sixth Avenue meets Kallang Puding Road (for those Malaysians reading this, think Bangsar meets Shah Alam industrial area). My colleague dropped me in front of the restaurant so she could park the car.

My eye immediately spotted a pushcart laden with books outside the Carrefour hypermarket next to the restaurant.

Books! A rarity in China!

I quickly walked over and skimmed through the titles with my eyes. OH MY GOD. It was laden with all kinds of good shite ranging from Harry Potter to the Harvard Business Review to Salman Rushdie.

I asked the man guarding the cart

“Duo shao yi ben xu?” (How much for a book, asshat?)

“She guai yi ben, hou de she oo” (10 renminbi, but the thicker ones are 15 renminbi)

Stunned at the price, my mouth nearly dropped. It was then that my colleague appeared from behind and whispered in my ear – these books are fakes/knockoffs/pirated.

Apparently it is true that China is the market leader in knockoffs. I bought a fake copy of Dan Brown’s latest “The Lost Symbol”. Upon close inspection, the ink is inconsistently dark and light on different pages, it lacks many things like a copyright page and the quality of paper is terrible.

But it was dirt cheap.

Hooray for pirated shite.

Nothing but feelings

Cowboy Caleb — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 09:39:55 +0000

For the past 4 days, I have been running about nonstop on business.

The worst part about business travel for me is that I am reminded how lonely life can be.

So I’m now sitting in the waitingarea of Shanghai’s HongQiao airport waiting to board my plane when it hits me that in the past, after I traveled on business and got the job done, the flight back was always to HOME aka sillypore. Now it’s back to my apartment in southern china where all that is waiting for me is a cold dark empty house.

Man, this is very depressing.