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The Blasphemy Box

“You know that nightmare you’ve always had? The one where you wake up one day to find yourself fat, frumpy, fifty and alone? I’m living it.”

Maddy Nelson has an idyllic existence: a handsome husband, great kids, a comfortable, affluent lifestyle. One morning soon after she turns fifty, however, she wakes up in her San Francisco home to find her husband Steven announcing that he’s leaving her for a woman half her age. And a third of her size.

Ouch!

Feeling totally unmoored and grieving for her married life and husband, Maddy finds herself thrust into an unfamiliar and uncomfortable world of middle-aged singledom. There, she must come to terms with her situation and embark on her new life: divorce proceedings, single parenting, internet dating, and trying to earn a living. It’s enough to drive her over the brink. To help her cope, she shares her struggles in a smart, wry blog named The Blasphemy Box, after her ex-husband’s obnoxious habit of having her drop a quarter into a wooden box every time she said something off color. Her madcap middle-aged adventures find her devoted readers who identify with her challenges.

In time, Maddy recreates herself and finds happiness in the arms of a good man, and a fulfilling new career as a novelist.

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Read an excerpt from the book: 

CHAPTER ONE

day 1 of separation

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

—Groucho Marx

You know that nightmare you’ve always had?

The one where you wake up one day to find yourself fat, frumpy, fifty, and alone?

I’m living it.

It’s barely nine on a frigid January morning. The three children have gone off to school, and I’m in the kitchen in my pajamas on my laptop working on my novel when Steven comes lumbering through, toward the front door of our Victorian house in San Francisco, dragging two of my large Louis Vuitton suitcases.

It’s been only a week since he said he was leaving. Not even a week. Six days. We’d only just celebrated the kids’ birthdays. After twenty years of marriage, I just didn’t believe it. I thought maybe he had a cold and was feeling out of sorts. Sure, we’d been bickering a lot lately, mostly about how he was working until all hours of the night with no convincing explanation. And about how he was sick and tired of seeing my nose in a book and that I should take it out and pay more attention to him. And about why he hadn’t touched me for several months. And about that wooden box with a slot on the top, which suddenly appeared on the kitchen table to remind me not to curse. Steven called it the Blasphemy Box, and I was to insert a quarter into it every time I swore. (I’m from England where cursing is the second language.)

He told me he was leaving while we were perusing the baking aisle at Whole Foods. It was the first time he had been grocery shopping with me in a long time. All I could see through my tears was a row of boxes of “No Pudge Fat-Free Fudge Brownie Mix.” I kept asking him if he was joking. He said it was no joke. I blinked the tears away and tried to maintain my British cool—public grief is just not done in England after all, where I come from. I babbled about needing bitter cocoa powder, mascarpone, and ladyfingers for tiramisu. I asked him if he wanted something other than tiramisu. But he just stood silently next to me, not looking at me, far away, already gone.

Had I seen this coming? No! (Well, not exactly.) I thought we were just used to each other, just comfortable with each other, the spark gone, the flame tamed, but still together as one. I guess not. We didn’t talk about it again in that intervening week. I couldn’t. It’s called denial. I thought if I didn’t talk about it, it wouldn’t be real. It wouldn’t happen. But it has. It is. Happening. Now.

As he lumbers toward our front door, I look up. “So, that’s it. You’re really leaving.”

“Maddy, don’t start…We’ve been through this. It’s over. ”

No matter how many times he says it, I still can’t believe it.

“Because of some bimbo half your age?”

“And half your size.”

Ouch.

“Her name is Gabriela, Madeleine.”

Gabriela. I want to skin her and wear her like last year’s Dior.

“Yeah, right,” I say, furious, then numb as I pull my stomach in and try to stand straight. I am trying to hold back my tears. I really am. I dig my finger into my thigh, hoping the pain will distract me from the other pain and humiliation. Of course it doesn’t. I just feel the cellulite growing there like kudzu.

About Author Mandy Behbehani

Mandy Behbehani grew up in England and now lives in California. She holds a journalism degree from the University of Missouri-Columbia and is a professional journalist whose work has appeared in a variety of publications from the Los Angeles Times and the San Francisco Chronicle to W magazine, Town & Country magazine and Travel & Leisure magazine.

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Veggie’s Bully
A Book Encouraging Self Esteem for Readers Young and Old

A book inspiring lessons about self love, Veggie Bunnie learns something that all readers need to know…. Love yourself, no matter what others may say! Filled with colorful illustrations, this book follows Veggie’s relationship with her friends Carb Monkey and his Uncle Bear. Throughout the book, ‘Carb’ wants to get even with the bully that is bothering Veggie, whereas ‘Uncle Bear’ wants her to take a different approach. This book encourages readers to be the best person they can be, regardless of how people may act around them.

Buy the book: Kindle / Paperback

As a mother of a kindergartner I am always having conversations about the right and wrong way to treat friends. Veggie Bully is a great conversation starter.

Veggie Bully illustrates beautifully the right and wrong way to deal with bullies. It demonstrates that even though retaliating may make you feel better for the moment, it will have lasting consequences and you are stooping to their level.

I deal with these type of situations everyday working as a lunch mom. Kids are always at a cross roads in how to react when some one comes on too strong or hurts their feelings. I always go with the two wrongs don’t make a right, which is a strong message in this book.  I love how Veggie Bully emphasizes that it’s important to believe in yourself and not really care if others feel your cool or awesome. In a world where magazines and the internet seem to feel they can dictate how you are supposed to look and act, I think this message is important.

About Author C JoVan Williams

Clarice Williams was born and raised in Chicago, IL, but now resides in New Jersey as an Air Force spouse, with a blended family of six. A freelance writer as seen in Military Spouse Magazine, with a Bachelor’s Degree in Accounting, she tries to find cost effective family friendly ways to entertain her loved ones. Her self-published works include children’s book that are available on Amazon under the pen name, C. JoVan Williams.>

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Through the Valley Love Endures

What if death came for you today? Would you be ready?

Forced to face his own mortality, Eddie Santiago fought to stay alive in a broken world. His incredible journey through heartbreak, abuse, and adversity left him with one truth: every life makes a difference.

This is the true and compelling story of his supernatural quest through the valley of death, doubt, and darkness. Eddie provides a passionate story that will capture the attention of even the toughest skeptics.

Angels, demons, heaven, hell, Jesus and the devil: are they fiction, or are they more real than anything else in the world?

About Eddie David Santiago

Eddie David Santiago has worked in the mental health/substance abuse field since he was 18 years old. He holds bachelor degrees in both psychology and religious studies and has provided counseling related services for multiple mental health, substance abuse and human service agencies. In addition, he earned his master’s degree in counseling along with certification in educational administration.

With over fifteen years of counseling related experience, Eddie founded the organization L.E.A.D. (Love Endures And Delivers) which offers interactive group trainings, seminar sessions, speaking opportunities for groups of all ages and crisis counseling sessions.

THROUGH THE VALLEY, LOVE ENDURES is based on Eddie’s early collection of writings, through which he found his voice. He seeks to inspire others to find their voice and share their own stories.
Eddie resides in the Midwest with his beautiful wife Sarah and their three amazing children, Faith, Isaiah and Makaylah.

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My review:

Through the Valley Love Endures could make even a non-believer take pause and review their relationship with God. I found Eddie’s story extremely relatable and very inspirational. Imagine growing up with your mom as your aunt figure and your grandmother as your mother figure. Then picture moving from a gang area to a small town where no one has basically had any contact with ethnic people. Eddie had to learn to fight his own battles while trying to make peace with his beliefs and his mother’s. I think the reason I could relate so much to Eddie’s story and his path to God is because it’s very similar to my own. I didn’t have to endure a lot of the battles he fought but I fought similar battles with my own faith. Organized religion and man’s beliefs always hindered my growth. It wasn’t until I figured out that it was my own grace that would get me through and that is all that mattered to God.  Eddie was a witness to the battle of good and evil. Even though darkness would have been the easy way out for him to take, he turned himself back in the right direction  It’s a long book but a worthwhile read.

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Cinco de Mayo is a fun holiday to celebrate with your family especially if you have one like mine who LOVE Hispanic food. My older kids usually have a celebration in their Spanish classes. They all bring a Hispanic dish and have a blast trying all the foods. This year Cinco de Mayo falls on a Sunday so the whole family will be home. My husband is going to make his famous baked tacos and I am going to make some enchiladas. We will most likely grab some of my kids favorite Mexican soda (Juaritos) plus my favorite, black beans and rice.  The kitchen will be decorated with streamers, pennants and balloons. I am totally looking forward to eating all the delicious food and spending time with my family. I am hoping that my husband and I can even sneak in a margarita or two.

Ingrid Hoffman and Mission have some great ideas and recipes to help make your family’s Cinco de Mayo fantastic. Ingrid has a new book out called Latin D’Lite which has some of the best quick recipes I have ever seen! Make your party pop with these Enchiladas!

Photographer: Andrew Meade Copyright: Chica Worldwide llc

Enchiladas Suizas from Ingrid’s

new book “Latin D’Lite”

 Makes 4 to 6 servings

1 pound boneless, skinless chicken breast halves, trimmed of excess fat,
rinsed

3 cups water

3 garlic cloves, crushed under a knife and peeled

1 teaspoon Delicioso Adobo Seasoning

6 medium tomatillos (about 12 ounces), husked, rinsed, and quartered

½ medium yellow onion, coarsely chopped

¼ cup packed cilantro leaves, plus more for garnish

2 jalapeños, seeded and coarsely chopped

½ cup fat-free sour cream

2 tablespoons freshly grated Parmesan cheese

8 corn tortillas

cooking spray

1 cup (4 ounces) 2% milk reduced-fat mozzarella cheese, shredded

1. Place the chicken, water, 2 of the garlic cloves, and the adobo to a boil in a
medium saucepan over high heat. Reduce the heat to low and cover. Simmer
until the chicken is opaque when pierced in the thickest part with the tip of a
knife, about 15 minutes. Transfer the chicken to a cutting board. Strain the
cooking liquid into a heatproof bowl and reserve. Let the chicken cool. Using two
forks, shred the chicken into bite-size pieces.

2. Puree the tomatillos, onion, cilantro, jalapeños, and the remaining garlic clov
with ¼ cup of the reserved cooking liquid. Transfer to a medium saucepan. Bring
to a boil over high heat. Reduce the heat to low and simmer, stirring often, until
slightly thickened, about 10 minutes. Remove from the heat. Stir in the sour
cream and Parmesan. Pour into a wide, shallow dish or bowl.

3. Wrap the tortillas in moistened paper towels. Microwave on high (100%) until
the tortillas are pliable, about 15 seconds.

4.  Position the broiler rack 6 inches from the source of heat and preheat the
broiler. Spray a 9 × 13-inch flameproof baking dish with cooking spray. Dip each
tortilla in the sauce. Transfer to a plate. Place about 2 tablespoons of the chicken

on the tortilla and roll it up. Place, seam side down, in the baking dish. Pour the
remaining sauce over the enchiladas and sprinkle with the mozzarella cheese.

5. Broil until the cheese is melted, about 1 minute. Sprinkle with the cilantro and
serve immediately.

You can also make the Fastest Ever Enchiladas , Coca Cola Rice, Mango Tomatillo Guacamole or Turkey Nachos

Now that you have your food how about some awesome decorations to liven the party up? My favorite is the taco holder. It will be perfect for my husbands baked tacos.  Just click on the pictures and right click to save to your computer. Print them out and get ready to party!!

What do you and your family do to celebrate Cinco de Mayo?