Least-of-craigslist commentary and pictures

a question about sailng - 22

noreply@blogger.com (judgecraig) — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 23:22:00 +0000

Reply to: pers-464820074@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-10-31, 4:32AM PDT
"hi, im looking into buying a sail boat in a few years but dont know much about them. do you know what the best size for a sail boat is if i were to sail to the philippines?"
http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/stp/464820074.html
Aren't the waters around Philippines some of the most pirate infested around? Great trip for a maiden voyage from Seattle for a junior sailor. Fortunately, we've seen there are plenty of pirate-friendly Seattle craigslisters, so this guy should be able to get plenty of sage advice.

NEW BF APPLICATION - 20

noreply@blogger.com (judgecraig) — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 23:10:00 +0000

"Reply to: pers-464187082@craigslist.org

Date: 2007-10-30, 1:50PM CDT

SEND ME YOUR RESUME..I NEED SOMEONE NEW..THE ONE I HAVE ISNT CUTTING IT..."

http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/w4m/464187082.html

My relentless travel schedule today takes me to Chicago, where I discover one of the appeals of not being a 20 years old and having a woman who takes a blurry self portrait with a scowl as a potential date. Maybe it is because it is almost Halloween? Next time, try the sexy nurse outfit instead.

Hot redhead buying cheap wine... - m4w

noreply@blogger.com (judgecraig) — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 05:06:00 +0000

"Reply to: pers-454019094@craigslist.org

Date: 2007-10-19, 4:10PM PDT

Thursday eve at 7-11 Lk City Way near 80th. I'm guessing you had a rough day as you were buying a bottle of red wine, had a big gulp cup to go, and were looking for a way to get it open. That or you are a raging alcoholic. I was going to tell you I had a wine opener at my place, but I don't think you were going to let that wine age a minute longer. You: beautiful long red hair, gorgeous blue eyes, and a skirt that I wanted to play around in for the night. I was wearing a black visor. Tell me what I bought. :) "

http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/mis/454019094.html

Hmm, I'm guessing after guzzling down a bottle of foul Yellow Tale in a Big Gulp cup she's not going to remember what anyone was wearing....generous of you to offer your wine opener services, though.

@@@@ NEED GET MARRIAGE @@@@ - m4w - 22

noreply@blogger.com (judgecraig) — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 04:47:00 +0000

"Reply to: pers-450346625@craigslist.org

Date: 2007-10-15, 9:29PM PDT

Hi my name is Tom 22 year old man and I am looking for 18-23year old girl. She should be young and hot, willing and naughty, and in need of money. If she is a college girl that would be even better. Sound like you? Reply with your pic, some info about you, and tell me why I should choose you. MUST BE US SITIZEN need marriage, only your sign (sex if you are ok or if you want) , ready to pay for your great help. Let me know if you are interested. What do you think, expect.? please leave your pictures, and phone number thanks Please be serious and don't waste your time or mine.

http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/mis/450346625.html"

SITIZEN: A calm, zen like person who sits....who also happens to be naughty and in need of cash. An unusual missed connection indeed.

LOOKING 4 LOVE FROM THE WRONG PLACE!! - w4m - 32

noreply@blogger.com (judgecraig) — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 19:56:00 +0000

"at the moment i am presently locked up.... but getting out real soon!! but with no man to come home... to im looking for a established hard working man.. I CANNOT RETURN EMAILS YOU HAVE TO WRITE ME A LETTER AND MAIL IT... TO: S. BARNETT#958160 P.L.C.C.W TAM 1-10 PO BOX 300 MEDICAL LAKE, WASHINGTON, 990222 IV BEEN WAITING A LONG TIME 4 LOVE.... AN NOW IM WAITING ON YOUR LETTER....."

http://seattle.craigslist.org/oly/msr/449835937.html

I didn't know they allowed pets in jail....this is post #100 for "Least-of" - glad to be able to highlight such a romantic story from the "misc romance" category.

This one not for the faint of heart

noreply@blogger.com (judgecraig) — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 05:36:00 +0000

"Hemp fest cook ... SQUIRTER !!! ... E-something??? - m4w - 38
Reply to: pers-448919604@craigslist.org

Date: 2007-10-14, 12:46PM PDT

Sooo long ago. Do you remember necking in my pick-up truck? In the slight rain around the corner from the bar? Wish I'd fucked you there, that'd been hot! I fingered you out at Greenlake and you begged me to stop or you'd "squirt my pants!" We ate at Beth's cafe once.(YUM!) You cooked dinner for me (AWSOME) and I fingered out your asshole in front of your sink!!! Once I showed up and your kids were there. We listened to The White Stripes, fucked in your bedroom, you did get very wet/squirt, and I came very close to fisting your damp pussy, but could NOT get my thumb to slide inside. You're kind of a short stack and ..."
http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/mis/448919604.html

Um, does this one need any explanation why I chose it for "Least-of"?

Sadly, this all appears to have happened in my hood. I wonder how you could do all this with a person and not seem to recall their name. Oh yeah, Hemp fest.

Want to play detective today? - w4m

noreply@blogger.com (judgecraig) — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 17:00:00 +0000

"Reply to: pers-445133474@craigslist.org

Date: 2007-10-10, 8:43AM PDT

I'm trying to catch a cheating husband so I can move on. If you're around and have nothing to do today, let's hang out and spy on him. I'll pay for gas and lunch. You drive. Be good at following without being noticed. It's 8:45 am, can you be ready at 9:30 or 10:00 today?"

http://seattle.craigslist.org/sno/stp/445133474.html

I'm thinking the odds of this woman finding a suitable willing participant to be along the lines of Joe inheritance guy and the old guy who wanted to wash your car nude someplace private. This should be in the strictly sketch category instead of strictly platonic. Free lunch though. I am getting a bit hungry...

Taylor...I'm NOT Vain, I'm Sorry, and I MISS You - w4m - 26

noreply@blogger.com (judgecraig) — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 06:26:00 +0000

"Reply to: pers-443713225@craigslist.org

Date: 2007-10-08, 3:56PM PDT

Yes, I drink. And, yes, I drank several more shots than I needed to on Saturday. But, you were NOT as inebriated as me. A decent boyfriend would have been taking care of me - NOT verbally assaulting me in front of a karaoke audience. You NEVER should have sung, "You're So Vain" to me. You know that hurt me so deeply. But....I never should have thrown a drink at you when you were on the stage. SugarBear...Saturday night was toxic, but our love is intoxicating. I miss you...you won't email me...you won't call me. I know you like to read these. Maybe, you'll talk to me in this forum. -Renee"

http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/mis/443713225.html

Is it a bad sign that my wife regularly sings "You're So Vain" around the house? I thought it was a compliment to be compared to Warren Beatty. And who wouldn't want to walk into a party like they were walking onto a yacht? I love yachts. And I do sing a mean karaoke, although I prefer George Michael songs, personally. Just for the record Renee, if some crazy drunk girlfriend of mine threw a drink at me while I was on stage b/c she couldn't take a joke, I wouldn't call her back either.

Please don't creep me out... - 32

noreply@blogger.com (judgecraig) — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 20:04:00 +0000

"Reply to: pers-443015304@craigslist.org

Date: 2007-10-07, 10:37PM PDT

I'm very hesitant to post this as I easily creep out. Oh, I can watch the movie "300" and not even flinch, but when Jack Nicholson took his shirt off in "Something’s Got to Give" I literally pushed myself over backwards in a recliner to hide. I'm not looking for a perfect 10 either, but there is tons of room in-between the two extremes. I'm definitely not perfect. In fact I'm a split personality. When people first meet me I come off as very polite and professional. That's a cover for my initial introvertness. I'm actually very sarcastic and immature. The only perfect word to describe me is eclectic or maybe the word is eccentric. I can fit into any crowd, but would much rather be out in the woods. I have a Bachelor's degree, but work manual labor. I can't afford to buy a home, but I have a $20,000 horse. I haven't been to the Redwood National Forest which has been on my must see list forever, but plan on visiting Scotland for the second time next year. And, after not being able to advance my career I dyed my hair green. So, if I haven't creeped you out by now perhaps there's a chance for a connection.

P.S. Get over the picture! I'm a girl, I like to dress up. You should see me in my dominatrix outfit.

P.P.S. I'm 5'11" barefoot, so it'd be nice if you were not shorter than that.

P.P.P.S. I wear glasses too! Black nerdy ones! Ha! Ha!"

http://seattle.craigslist.org/sno/w4m/443015304.html

I hope there is a fall renaissance fair season that this woman can hit the circuit on, she's definitely some sort of catch for a tall knight out there with a thing for horses, green hair, dominatrix outfits and glasses. Yee-haw!
P.S. Hopefully my writing about her post doesn't creep her out.

just checking whats out there for me - m4w - 31

noreply@blogger.com (judgecraig) — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 20:03:00 +0000

"Reply to: pers-436410771@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-30, 6:25PM EDT
hi what u c is what u get i like to travel to europe and africa and australia everywhare really .and i like to go to movies cook go for something cooked any way i dont wanna give too much info but send a message with a pic and will talk ...... we only gonna live once i am anyway let have fun !!!"
http://boston.craigslist.org/gbs/stp/436410771.html

Perhaps his brain is cooked?

How people find this site

noreply@blogger.com (judgecraig) — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 22:58:00 +0000

Ok, I've been traveling way too much and my post frequency is way down since I can't ready CL from airplanes. But I checked today to see some of the sources of how people stumble upon this site, and I thought I'd list out some of my favorite search engine searches that have led people here for your enjoyment:
- large photo of motley crue
- minneapolis airport bathroom
- unbelievably huge breasts
- boner man
- little sexy bitch
- find bunions attractive
- circle jerk sauna
- powder blue jacket
- pictures of muggle clothes
As Bill Simmons says, "Yup, these are my readers."

got yr text.. i am in cali now. - w4m

noreply@blogger.com (judgecraig) — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 23:38:00 +0000

"Reply to: pers-432247601@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-25, 7:04PM PDT
i seen you had texted. didnt recognize the number.. whats yr name?? you proposed.. i was in complete disbelief. i laugh. but i still dont know who you are..
http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/mis/432247601.html"

Chances are, if the woman you're proposing to (via text, perhaps) doesn't know your name, you may not be getting married anytime soon.
Bizarre one, that's for sure.

free box spring

noreply@blogger.com (judgecraig) — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 04:40:00 +0000

"Reply to: sale-431255966@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-24, 6:05PM PDT
free queen sized box spring waiting for a happy home. it is on the east side of hwy 99 under the pedestrian bridge. it's in great shape and will go fast, so hurry."
Special thanks to an early reader, I believe his handle is "Pleasure" who sent me his own post.
http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/fur/431255966.html
Fitting that he dropped his box spring basically right across the street from Blue Video, a prime porn video store on 99. I'm guessing it might get some use from folks that find the sauna at their local gym too far a trip.
Or perhaps someone from the infamous "nudie roomie" house which is located within view of their bedroom window (yes, complete with sexually friendly skinny-dipping) will claim it.
I don't know, do they really need box springs for their bunk beds?
Newer readers may want to reference an earlier post:
http://craigsleast.blogspot.com/2007/07/nudie-roomie-275.html

Window Licker Wanted - w4m - 42

noreply@blogger.com (judgecraig) — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 23:31:00 +0000

"Reply to: pers-428540980@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-21, 4:14PM PDT
Did you ride the short little yellow window licking bus????????????? The one with helmets required and wheel chair access????????Are you a bit on the off side, but still a good fun loving, stand up citizen???????? Do you want to go to the fair and watch people....and laugh at them ??????I am so very tired of being alone. But then again this dating thing really SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!! I am 42 female live alone, no children, never married , take care of myself. just want someone to hang with and talk to and ............. You:40-42 live alone,clean,single.............
http://seattle.craigslist.org/tac/stp/428540980.html"

I've said it before, and I guess I'll say it again. Strictly platonic really is my favorite section. Wonder why such a limited age range of 40 - 42...

"Vintage Collectible Blue Ball Mason Canning Jars - $24

noreply@blogger.com (judgecraig) — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 20:19:00 +0000

Reply to: sale-428393037@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-21, 11:49AM PDT
There are 5 regular mouth quart jars, and 3 pint size regular mouth Ball Perfect Mason jars. $24 for all. Clean. Great collectible for display in you kitchen. Finn Hill area of Kirkland. Thank you."
http://seattle.craigslist.org/est/hsh/428393037.html

I do feel like a teenage snickering like Beavis at a headline like this. Find it fitting since I'm headed tomorrow to Chicago, the city that is the setting of Stuart Dybek's short story "We Didn't," which is my all time favorite blue balls short story.
Thanks again to Merbs' roommate Dan who is apparently spending more time than me on CL.

Customized HUGE Pirates Wall Hanging - $50

noreply@blogger.com (judgecraig) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 17:10:00 +0000

"Reply to: sale-420160952@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-11, 6:58PM PDT
This is great for your little pirate. I can paint whatever you want, "Pirate Pete", "Captain Jack" or any nickname you want. Great gift for your kids or their friends.
It is 36" x 24" and can be done in a week or less.
Open to all ideas! Thanks

http://seattle.craigslist.org/skc/bab/420160952.html "

Just in case you were looking for a special way to celebrate this wonderful day (as detailed in the post below). I bet there may have been some extra demand and hitting that deadline of getting it done in a week must have been tough.
Particularly nice the combination of royalty & pirates & zombies together. What a potent combination, Elizabeth.

Ok, not from CL

noreply@blogger.com (judgecraig) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 16:50:00 +0000

Once in a while I stray from my mission, this one seems sadly relevant given the apparent pirate plague in Seattle.

http://www.talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html

I do like that it is "International" talk like a pirate day, none of this U.S. only crap when you roam the high seas. Sort of like IHOP.

Sweet Jesus, please no one sign me up for "The Poopdeck" email newsletter as revenge against my pejorative pirate commentary.

Special thanks to Merbs' roommate Dan...

i'm sorry that i gave away your birthday gifts - w4m

noreply@blogger.com (judgecraig) — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 21:14:00 +0000

"Reply to: pers-425853227@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-18, 4:45PM EDT
i was being emotional, which is typical of me when it comes to you. i do think my emotional response was justified in this case. anyway, i'm glad you called me the other day. i know i could have emailed this to you directly but i thought it would be more fun to put it here - and you and i need to work on bringing the fun back. right?
http://boston.craigslist.org/gbs/mis/425853227.html"

Let me go out on a limb here and say that if you're dating someone that is enough of a loose cannon that she gives away your b-day gifts and then she half apologizes over missed connections on CL, this relationship isn't so likely to work out.

Babe blonde in Fremont huge breasts! - w4w - 49

noreply@blogger.com (judgecraig) — Sat, 15 Sep 2007 19:45:00 +0000

"Reply to: pers-422950662@craigslist.org

Date: 2007-09-14, 11:07PM PDT

You, blonde, streaks of red and green in hair, massive tits, tattoo on chest, ring in nose, high heels, bitchy. Me, bald overweight guy at Lenin statue. Too nice for you actually but have a really big one and could make an exception. Lose the high heels and metal in nose and quit being a bitch for an hour or so. Must enjoy anal! Don't delay!"

http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/mis/422950662.html

Um, this is one confused missed connection. A bald overweight guy posting in w4w. And wow, those are some shall we say "specific" must haves?

Red or White Ikea Sofa cum Bed - $175

noreply@blogger.com (judgecraig) — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:04:00 +0000

"Reply to: sale-422071925@craigslist.org

Date: 2007-09-13, 11:16PM PDT

We bought at IKEA a few years ago but its hardly used being part of the Living room. The original color is Red and then we bought the expensive corduroy fitted slip cover which is white. You get both at this price. The sofa fold into three position, straight back, reclined back and full flat which makes quite a comfortable queen size bed."

http://seattle.craigslist.org/est/fur/422071925.html

Yes, loyal readers. I've been neglecting you due to travel and visiting family members. Fortunately Merbs sent me this link which just can not be ignored. I think she is in the market for a couch. This one looks particularly appealing under a blacklight...

Beautiful girl at Justin Timberlake concert - m4w - 28

noreply@blogger.com (judgecraig) — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 00:51:00 +0000

"Reply to: pers-419852856@craigslist.org

Date: 2007-09-11, 12:49PM PDT

I took your picture and you stole my heart away with your smile. Please if anybody knows the woman on the center of the picture please let her know I am in love with her and get back to me. Thank you all!!!"

http://seattle.craigslist.org/est/mis/419852856.html

Um, if anyone wants to help out a sketchy stalker type who takes pictures of girls without them noticing, feel free to check out the post above. Then again, if you're a 28 year old guy cruising a Justin Timberlake show for girls to fall in love with a cocked cell phone camera...you might need all the help you can get. Let me guess, you were just a big fan of "Dick in a Box" from SNL...

This is insane! - m4w - 42

noreply@blogger.com (judgecraig) — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 01:24:00 +0000

"Reply to: pers-418287015@craigslist.org

Date: 2007-09-09, 6:11PM PDT

Guess what, I just moved here from another state. I know, shocking, but hey at least my excuse is that I am going to get another degree to add to my collection and that is why I moved here. And not the lie that I was run out by the sheriff and asked never to return. Anyway I heard the people here are awesome and so easy to get to know I just had to pack out and see for myself. Well personally, I believe that the people don't have maps in Seattle because of the children in Africa and such. And we need to send money to Asia, such as and we can have a future for our kids. Brilliant! So, you might be interested to know that I'm rebuilding my life at this point and life is a continual learning process. I have no kids no pets and never married. And I have taken a hankering to aviation and building stuff. Oh yea and I almost forgot the medical degrees. I was once a business owner. Now I am renting a room in a house that they described as rustic but private. Hmmm I guess it is private and has it's own entrance, so I'll make it work for now. The getting to know you part. Lets get together and walk around the track near the Hospital until we get up the nerve and ambition to actually jog a little. Seems that I want to get in better shape. And then some other time we could have coffee in between our teeth whitening sessions and you could tell me all about your troubles and we could eat some food. We need to discuss my new business idea for the greater Seattle area. It's called rent a friend and rent a PIC. With rent a PIC you pay a small fee and pick out a pic from an online Database that kinda sorda looks like you or looks like you wished you looked like and then after we get one of your credit cards to finally pay out you can start posting that pic to all your personals you have posted all over the Internet. You know like some of the ones you forgot you even had until out of the blue somebody actually responds. Then there is I'll be yourfriendformoney.com a subsidiary of rent a PIC.com a division of give me a freaking break .com Yes you too can get involved with me if you dare. Oh great I suppose you want to know what I look like. Well I personally believe that I have told you quite enough and such as that may be you already know I can spell and communicate intellectually and such, and that I am white, straight 5'7" 180lbs and single and happy. Superficially anyway. If your interested in getting to know me and would like some encouragement and occasional companionship in your life from somebody brand new, by all means please let me know right away, don't delay this offer wont last and there is no money back guaranteed. :)"

http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/stp/418287015.html

You know, sometimes the headline just says it all, doesn't it...

1984 honda accord - $800

noreply@blogger.com (judgecraig) — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 16:30:00 +0000

"Reply to: see below

Date: 2007-09-05, 7:13PM PDT

I am selling my 1984 honda accord it is licensed until 03/08 it run and drives great it has a almost brand new clutch and I have almost $4000 dolloars worth of receits towards work done from the previous owner. This car is not in perfect condition but it gets from point a to point b without any problems or hesitations the car has 166000 original miles but it has a dash cluster out of an 83 accord that reads 286000 the windshield has a crack in it on the passenger side. The ca works great I did the R134A retro fit kit that allows you to recharge it yourself instead of spending tons of money at a shop there is no stereo or speakers in the car buy has all the wires for one and the tires still have great tread. The only reason I am selling this car is because my wife refuses to learn how to drive a manual transmision. The car just had a recent tune up including spark plugs,wires,cap,rotor,air filter,valve cover gasket,PCV valve, and both fuel filters. The only thing that does not work is the cruise control but it hasn't worked since I bought the car 2months ago. If you have any questions feel free to email me or callme on my cell 206-xxx-xxxx or xxxxxxxx@hotmail.com The car has fairly new exhuast also and it also has some rust."

http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/art/415034406.html

The 1984 Honda Accord is, I'm afraid my friend, no work of art. Especially a rusty burgandy one with faded paint.

Stealthy Giraffe seeks Cunning Ninja!!!! - m4w - 22

noreply@blogger.com (judgecraig) — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 22:37:00 +0000

"Reply to: pers-414194430@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-04, 8:53PM PDT
I'm a Stealthy Giraffe seeking a cunning Ninja to go on amazing top secret missions with me. We can fly off to Paris and battle the evil forces, on Eiffel Tower, then we can be off to practice Tai Chi on the Great Wall. Once all of this adventuring is over, we could a relaxing boat ride through Niagara Falls, only to be interrupted by some evil doer and we're off again... a stealthy giraffe and cunning ninjas job is never done!"
http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/stp/414194430.html
Yup, you're so right. It is never done. Evil doers are always getting in the way.

>>>>>GODS GIFT TO WOMEN RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW<<<<< - 24

noreply@blogger.com (judgecraig) — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 20:27:00 +0000

"Reply to: pers-413750669@craigslist.org

Date: 2007-09-04, 12:00PM PDT

....we can discuss details after you send me your pictures...nude okay... ....now I must go clean some carpets....see ya!..."

Just back from a Labor Day weekend and so I'm feeling a bit lazy. Where to turn in CL for a quick hysterical post? Certainly men seeking woman will have something suitable.

Sure enough.

I do like the carpet cleaning detail. Employment is pretty hot. And it is nice that he specifies that he'll accept nude pictures. Very polite.

It does sort of look like he just cut & paste his head onto this body, or is it just me?