I’m taking a quick departure from the roadmap this week, in fact I’m changing my mode of transport altogether and flying to sunny Queensland. This week will be all about how I try and make cooking easier, and hopefully happier and healthier too.

I’m off to Noosa as one of 9 Australian finalists, and a few international ones too, for the Gourmet Garden Blog Off/Cook Off. It all started last year with me submitting a tongue in cheek post about how I cook a meal when I’m not really cooking. Because, I’m not actually much of a cook!

But it was enough to get me through to a one on one cook off, which I won by default. And so here I am, pitting my lazy cooking skills against a bunch of people who actually look like they know what they’re doing – oops!

I hope the good folk at Gourmet Garden know they’ve got a cat among the pigeons – I’m definitely the wild card (with the emphasis on the wild and no expectations of stellar performance!).

However, I’d like to think that I’m pretty representative of most mums. We’re not all chef material and when it comes to feeding chirping/whinging/ravenous/irrational children (pick the one that suits you!) at arsenic hour, crash testing easier ways to get something healthy and tasty on the table takes precedence.

The Gourmet Garden herbs and spices have saved my sanity more than a few times, so I’m quite excited about giving this competition a go without going all Master Chefy ;). So much so that I’ve only made my dish once and I’m making a change without testing it! A true live crash test on the day – ha ha!

Over three days we’ll be doing some foodie tours, learning about blogging and cooking, some eating I presume too! In fact we’ll be treated to lunch by Sammy and Bella, previous winners of My Kitchen Rules. They’ll be judging our dishes too!

So, I’ll be sharing the experience via Instagram, Twitter and Facebook using the hashtag #ggcookoff if you want to follow along.

Wish me luck – I’ll need it!

In the meantime, I’d love to hear your best tip for making cooking easier in your home. Please leave a comment below :)

Laney x

PS Gourmet Garden haven’t commissioned this post, but they are paying my way to Noosa to participate in the competition.

I’m posting on a Tuesday, so why not check out some other IBOT bloggers over on Essentially Jess :)

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When’s the last time you went on a date with your husband or partner? And was it an overnight one?

As difficult as it is for us financially, we try and get away together for a night away from the kids at least once a year. This was after me going 1216 days without ever taking a night away from our children! We find it revitalises us, brings us closer together, and makes us realise how lucky we are and how cool our kids are.

Just recently Berlei shouted CrashHubby and I out on a date to crash test their new Dig Free hosiery, and I agreed because

a) I’m in the middle of my focus on ‘Happier Relationships’ on my roadmap, and

b) well, hello – someone offered to shout us on the night together!!!

Now I’m not going to go into all the details of our date night because I’d rather take the opportunity to tell you why I think date nights are so important (not that you need convincing, I’m sure!). And stick with me because I’ll also tell you what I think of my new tights and you’ll get a chance to win your own $1000 overnight date night!

Falling in love over restaurant tables . . .

My husband and I fell in love over the tables of restaurants all around Melbourne. Talking and talking and talking. We shared a love of good food and I loved that he shared his passion for good wine with me.

Our early days weren’t all lovey dovey though. Tempers would flare when differences inevitably arose and we’d each dig in and defend our post. Then we’d get over it and go out to dinner! I love going out to dinner so much that I hate it when it is sprung on me as a surprise. What?!?!? Yes, I get majorly grumpy and irritable if I’m told to drop everything because I’m taking you out overnight. Crazy right?

But here’s the thing – it doesn’t happen all that often now that we have kids, so I like to have something to look forward to. Something to savour and get excited about. Surprising me kind of robs me of making the most of it! Hubby has learned this now, even though it took a couple of lip pouty tantrums from his grown wife before she came around to the idea ;)

I do always warm up to it all though, because going out for dinner reminds us why we fell in love. Talking over a meal from time to time helps us to stay that way. And that’s why I look forward to it so much.

Our dates are always relaxed, comfortable and dig free ;). Seriously, the other night I said to Hubby, “Can you remember the last time we fought?” and neither of us could. It’s important for us to work together as a couple, especially when our kids can seem like adversaries rather than progeny at times! Getting away for some time together helps us check our attitudes, reflect and get back on board this crazy ride that is parenthood.

 An overnight getaway in Melbourne

Here’s a wee glimpse of our date. An overnight stay in Melbourne CBD and dinner out at Pei Modern. We chose a package that included room service breakfast and a 1pm checkout – highly recommended for overwrought parents of children who wake you early asking for breakfast!

So now that I’ve established that our relationship is relatively dig free, let’s talk about these tights shall we?

Berlei Dig Free Tights

I don’t need to convince you that an overnight date is a good idea, but you might need some convincing that tights that pull up nearly to your boobs can in fact make you feel desirable and comfortable! But these new Dig Free tights seemed to lift my butt and my confidence!

I put on quite a bit of weight during my depression and even more since thanks to my medication. Being 10kg overweight has reduced my dressing up options considerably. I usually end up going out in hipster jeans that fit my bum but not my belly, so I’m left self consciously pulling my top down all night to hide it. Or worse, I wear tights that start rolling down as the night (and number of dinner courses) wears on!

The Dig Free tights though were awesome. They look pretty hilarious straight out of the packet with a really tall gusset (that’s where the muffin top zapping magic is!) and the short little legs, but they make you look amazing! Enough so that I am actually sharing these photos with you to prove their magical powers. There is no way I would show you them otherwise!

They’re also really robust. I’ve been wearing the 100 denier tights (opaque) and they’ve survived the velcro on my sandals and the zipper on my boot without getting a hole or ladder. Pretty excellent value for $14.95. They’re getting great wear because I’m much happier in my comfy tights with a skirt or dress than my torturous jeans!

Here’s the details about the two new styles from Berlei:

Barely There Legwear is available in an 8 Denier Light Shaper with control waistband and unique invisible shaping, 8 Denier Firm Shaper with innovative firming and slimming solutions, or 8 Denier Toe Less sheers. Barely There is available in Naked, Golden, Fair, Natural and Black RRP $15.95.

Dig Free Legwear is available in 15 Denier Sheer, 100 Denier Opaque tight and 100 Denier Opaque full length leggings; making them the perfect Winter companion. Berlei Dig Free is available in Naked, Golden and Black RRP $14.95 

Berlei Legwear is available from Myer, David Jones and selected specialty stores from April 8th 2013. Purchase online at www.berlei.com.au or call 1800 645 045 for more information.

Win your own $1000 date night with Berlei!

The prize includes:

• Restaurant dinner for two
• One night’s hotel accommodation for two
• Limousine transfers from hotel to restaurant
• Berlei Dig Free product

Your date will be arranged for you in your closest major capital city, with transfers included as required within the total prize value of AUD $1000.

To enter:

Get out of your ‘mum zone’ and in the comments below share how you make yourself feel like a ‘desirable woman’?

This is a game of skill. There are opportunities to enter across a number of blogs with the promotion closing on this blog on Friday 24th May at 5pm AEST.

Please check out the Berlei Dig Free Promotion T&Cs (26) [link to T&C pdf]

Please enter – you owe it to yourself and Happier Relationships!

Laney x

I’ve tried writing about this topic a few times now, but shied away from it again and again. But a healthy, happy woman is nothing without friends, and I’ve let too many slip through my fingers.

My life has been largely nomadic. I attended 5 different schools and as a result I’d be hard pressed to name all the kids in my class photos, let alone know where all those photos are.

I haven’t had any lifelong pals. I wasn’t the bridesmaid to the girl I went to kindergarten with. Actually, I’ve never been a bridesmaid.

But this isn’t really a sob story. I have friends, really good friends, but they’re scattered across the globe or on the opposite side of the city from me! They’re the kind of friends where you just pretty much pick up where you left off, even if it has been years since you last saw each other.

I’m so bad at staying in touch . . .

My biggest problem is staying in touch with people. I think I’m the kind of person who, when I miss someone, I tend to shut out the fact that they’re so far away by trying not to dwell on it. Ask my parents how many letters they got from me when I was in boarding school!

Email came along when I was in my early twenties. It made it easier. That is until my email became a cluttered noisy mess that I would try mostly to avoid, let alone sit down and write a meaningful and interesting email to loved ones.

Facebook is a game changer though isn’t it? People come out of the woodwork. You rediscover old classmates, old boyfriends, even an old husband! The former I happily connect with, the latter two, not so much ;). I use the term ‘connect’ rather loosely though. A wall post here or there, a few comments and likes. It’s not exactly meaningful communication is it?

For my Roadmap to an Easier, Happier and Healthier Motherhood, I’m making myself focus on one of the most important, yet often difficult things to maintain – our relationships.

Have you ever found yourself discussing with a girlfriend, “We really should catch up more often. Everyday life just gets in the way.”

Can you recall when your last date night with your partner was? The last Sunday meal with your extended family? A catch up with your friends without your kids in tow?

Ringing a few bells there?

Every year I think, this will be the year when I write actual letters. Call my Dad more often. Send friends and family birthday and Christmas cards. I fail every year!

So it’s hard for me to not think that I’m a crap friend. But rather than just accept that self-anointed moniker, I’m going to delve a little deeper. Maybe I’m not as crap as I think.

I might be a crap friend for not staying in touch, but at least I’m not a toxic one. I can be a little self-absorbed at times and talk too much and overshare, but I dont’ think I’m toxic.

Not toxic . . .

I’ve had a toxic friend in the past. One who just whinged and whined about everything whenever we were together. It was totally all about her and she sucked all my energy. Even so, I always tried to help, for what little I got out of the relationship. She would also hurt me, and I would forgive, because we were friends. But when push came to shove and I put a foot wrong, she shoved me. Friendship over.

Just withdrawn . . .

If I don’t like how I’m feeling or who I am, I tend to pull back and not put myself out there. My tendency to withdraw doesn’t really endow me with star friend quality unfortunately. I just disappear. Radio silence. No phone calls. No emails. No checking my personal Facebook for months.

. . .  and forgetful

I’ve also got a ridiculously bad memory. If I don’t ask you how your operation/wedding/job interview went, it’s not because I don’t care. It’s because I don’t remember! When I’m not talking to try and fill in awkward silences, I’m sitting in silence, brain racing with all the things I need or want to do. There’s not always enough room in there for much else!

Reading around the internets I saw this comment from Dani on a blog post about friendship. It struck a chord with me.

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

There’s an entire poem about it (just google it). I’d like to think that I’ve been someone’s reason and with my nomadism I’ve definitely been a season, what I’d like is to be a lifetime friend to more people. Or just a better friend to the people I love in my lifetime.

I do take heart, however, at the number of my friends, both old and new, who came forward to support me and share their own stories when I talked about my fatigue and depression. It’s times like this when you realise how important friendships are and why I’m highlighting relationships in the Survival Mode section of the Roadmap.

My personal crash test

I’m going to start connecting! Writing a few letters, sending a few cards, making some calls. Really making an effort. This week you might see a few updates, tweets or instagrams with the hashtag #happierrelationships. Feel free to join in of you like. There’s no set time, no set rules. Just start connecting :)

Laney x

Image credit and sales (no aff)

It’s been a while, but it’s Tuesday so I’m linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT and Grace’s Flog Yo Blog Friday. I’m looking forward to catching up on some good reads :)

What do you think when you hear survival mode? Is it a ‘man the life rafts!’ kind of thing? (And yes I know that’s not a life raft. It’s a dinghy I photographed on Iona off the coast of Scotland’s west coast!). For me Survival Mode is focusing on the bare minimum, the things that really matter that will get you through a tough time. As far as I’m concerned the dirty washing, floor mopping and such can wait. My bare minimums for survival are:

• Sleep
• Sunshine
• Stimulants (as in none!)
• Slack off
• Support

Sleep

At the end of last year CrashHubby took a month of work. I almost slept through Summer! Well, not exactly, but I got a 2 hour nap in most days. I really needed it. I started monitoring my night time sleep using my FitBit and the results were horrendous. I was waking up to 15 times in the night. Sometimes more. With some concerted effort I built up the number of hours I slept (you really do want to aim for that 8 hours) and managed to sleep more soundly. But it’s really important not to sleep too much. That’s why I mentioned ‘Sunshine’.

Sunshine

No matter how insurmountable it might seem, getting out for a bit of a wander in the sun is great. Both the Vitamin D and exercise will do you well, whether you’re depressed, exhausted or feeling a bit distracted (ie step away from that screen!).

Stimulants (none)

When you’re in survival mode you don’t need any competition for your energy or stimulants for your already shot nerves. It’s time to give up (or seriously assess the amount of) your coffee, chocolate/sugar and alcohol. Any buzz or feeling of energy you may get is temporary and actually robs even more of your precious energy. Don’t add any extra load to your body. Give it a rest. If you need help in the quitting sugar department, head over and check out my Sugar Crash page and my IQS experiment.

Slack off

Give yourself a break and lower your expectations. I’m going to have a bit of a guess and suggest high expectations might be the reason you landed in the Danger Zone. Seriously, who cares if the odd meal isn’t as great as it could be? Does it really matter if there’s a pile of dirty washing in the laundry for another day? Do you really need to put your hand up and volunteer this time? Let someone else take the load, or just let it wait. It’s all about prioritisation. And when you’re coming out of the Danger Zone, you are the priority.

Support

This is where I admit I would have found most of the above difficult without the support of my husband. Do not underestimate how important it is to have someone helping you. Whether it’s your partner, mum, friend, whoever. The most important thing, is let someone know that you need support. If they don’t know you’re struggling (and I’m the Queen of hiding it), then they probably won’t offer to help you out! My husband is like my life coach. He nudges me along, looks after me and often sees what I need before I do. Which brings me to an important point . . .

Relationships

I feel like I’m always the one in need in our relationship. It’s been a tough few years for me and my adjustment to motherhood pales in comparison to how effortlessly CrashHubby glided into the role of ‘Dad’. Before we were married I wouldn’t have pegged him as a natural father figure. But he definitely is and I’m so appreciative (albeit a little jealous of how easy it seems to have been for him). I’m making some assumptions here! Honey, if you read this one, maybe you can set me straight in the comments ;)

Oops, what was my point again? Right, I need to remember to give back and for us both to take the time to see ourselves as a couple, not just as parents. We just had to giveaway Gold Class tickets because it was approaching the end of the one year validity and we couldn’t manage to get out to the movies! Pathetic!

I’ll be focusing on relationships over the next couple of weeks, just because I think it’s so important. Friendships, family and your partner. They all form a support network for an easier, happier and healthier motherhood.

In the meantime, tell me, what’s your survival mode?

Laney x

Ask me the one thing that would make motherhood easier for me and I’ll tell you “someone else to do the cleaning!”

Well, recently my wish kind of came true when Erica (a lovely PR) emailed me and asked if I’d like to try a robotic vacuum AND give one away! Well, I consider that an important community service, so of course I said yes!

The other reason I said yes, was because it was a great chance to crash test something that makes motherhood easier – big tick!

However, there was a part of me that felt a little reticent. We have hardwood floors and I sweep them with an old fashioned straw broom. I actually find it quite meditative. I wondered if I might miss it. But then I remembered how long it takes me and all the little piles of dirt I then have to stoop down to sweep into a pan. And whilst the broom is good at getting stuff out of corners and crevices, it tends to be better at pushing dirt around rather than get rid of it altogether.

Thankfully I have found a happy solution. Before Neato is set free, I quickly whip around with the broom sweeping out the corners and from under our sofa (which is too low for Neato to fit under, but perfect for harbouring half-eaten apples and carrots, dried up banana peels, and missing puzzle pieces.) Then I sit back and watch. Yep, I don’t always use the time to do something else productive! I’m still completely fascinated and choose instead to put my feet up and fully languish in the glorious state that is me not cleaning while someone else does ;)

I have to say, Neato and I didn’t get off to the best start. He couldn’t make up his mind if he was charged or not. Whilst charging he asked me to “clear my path” and then proceeded to try and run over his docking station and up the wall. This happened twice, so I turned everything off and then back on again and all has been well since.

He has quickly become a valued member of the family. But not quite to the extent that ‘Wilson’ squirreled his way into the heart of Reservoir Dad. His love story  with the Neato is definitely one worth checking out!

It has prompted us to consider names for Neato. So far we’ve come up with Rove, but it just isn’t sticking. I think he will remain Neato, and in my head it is said in the voice of Elroy from The Jetsons, as if he was calling out to his dog Astro! It is all very Jetson-esque isn’t it? Robots to do your cleaning!

But maybe there is a dark side too? Will Neato rise up, become intelligent and demand civil rights?

Whilst watching the movie “The Help” last night I guiltily glanced at Neato and wondered if he felt ‘owned’ and disempowered. A quick check of his screen showed  he was ‘fully powered’. Whew! We have indeed come a long way, and hopefully not so far that our robot ‘help’ take over completely!

The most amazing function of all? Getting my children into an excited frenzy about tidying up so Neato can do his thing. I only have to ask them, wait for it . . . . ONCE!!!!!

They’re even on an alternating roster to be the one who gets to start him!

But on a more serious note . . .

Does Neato do the job?

The Neato XV-21 Robotic Vacuum Cleaner does a pretty good job by my standards. It gets fairly close to edges and into corners. If you want a perfect job, then do as I do and sweep out the more difficult areas before you start.

The suction is perfectly calibrated to the speed of the unit and means that it can clean with floor with just one pass. A huge bonus when you compare the wasted energy (electricity and your own) in multiple passes with the standard sweeping action of a stick vacuum. The only issue I’ve had is large volumes of sand ie the careless removal of boots belonging to a child who has spent all afternoon in the sandpit! I’m talking loads of sand! It seems I’m not the only one who can’t quite cope with it. Neato did a pretty good job, but tended to track bit of sand around and left a few traces of it in circular lines on the floor. No biggie really, easily swept up or dealt to with Neato’s spot cleaning function.

The spot cleaning function is great. Just put Neato down on the dirty area and he will do a 1m-ish square clean.

Watching Neato, you can see it is very systematic. It doesn’t just go careering around the room bumping off things. It scans ahead, get’s it’s position, knows the rooms boundaries and only passes over an area once. It recognises table legs and can ‘pirouette’ around them to get nice and close and clean thoroughly. We have a step down into another area of our house and it won’t go down it. So in one clean it will do our living room, kitchen, hallway, bathroom and a bedroom. The rest can be done by starting a new clean with Neato placed in the new area. Neato can do the lot on one full charge. If not fully charged, it will return itself to the docking station and then will go back to where it left off once charged again.

If there are areas you don’t want it cleaning then just close the door or you can create a boundary with the Neato magnetic strips by laying them out on the ground.

Neato is a bagless vacuum with a small to medium size dirt container. I empty it after every clean (which is recommended) and haven’t filled it completely yet. It’s easy to empty out and I give the filter a quick dust with an electrostatic rubber brush that I have (one of my most favourite pieces of cleaning equipment). The ‘bristles’ are the perfect size to sweep dust out of the filter.

The suction seems to stay constant right throughout the clean and is billed as having the most powerful suction of any robotic vacuum cleaner.

One really awesome feature is that you can schedule Neato to clean whenever you want it to. You just set the program up by choosing the days and times you want Neato to do it’s thing.

Want to see more?

Finally, some intelligent help around the house!

Would I buy one myself?

The Neato XV-21 Robotic Vacuum Cleaner isn’t cheap. The model we have is the one specially designed for pet owners and allergy sufferers and retails here at $799. However, after going through two vacuum cleaners, three if you count our still functioning Electrolux stick vacuum and it’s sucky suction (as in not that great), I would definitely consider it. Especially if I had the cash to spare and it continues to perform as it is.

I just can’t go past the fact that it cleans for me and gets the kids excited about cleaning up. There are few things in life sweeter than knowing a machine is cleaning your floors while you play in the park with your kids!

Giveaway

***Giveaway now closed***

Congratulations to Kelly from Katoomba!

I’m pretty excited to be giving away a Neato XV-21 Robotic Vacuum Cleaner to one of my community(the same one I have, pictured above)! I mean, how cool is that?

To enter:

1. You must be a registered member of the Crash Test Community and have completed your Crash Test Mummy profile
2. You must be an Australian resident.
3. Leave a comment below telling me what robotic help you would invent and why?
4. Only one entry per person.

Terms and Conditions

The name of the promotion is: Neato Robotic Vacuum Giveaway
The promoter is Crash Test Mummy in association with Artbeat and Neato Robotics
The conditions of entry are as stated in points 1-4 above.
Employees, immediate family members, retailers, suppliers, associated companies and agencies are not eligible to enter.
Entries close 9pm (AEST) Tuesday 9th of April, 2013.  Comments submitted after this time will not be considered for the giveaway.
This is a game of skill.  The winner will be awarded based on the strength of their answer to the question in point 3 above.
The prizes will be sent to the winners by Artbeat.
Winner will be notified by Friday 12th April 2013 via email.
The results of the giveaway will be published on this site.
Prizes are not redeemable for cash and are non-transferable
The prize is a Neato XV-21 Robotic Vacuum Cleaner valued at $799AUD.
If for any reason beyond the Promoter’s control the agreed prize is not available a product of equal or greater value will be provided.
Your entries may be shared via the Crash Test Mummy Facebook page
Any entries posted by the Promoter to Facebook will be accompanied by the first name you use to post your comment.

For more information about Neato Robotics products visit www.neatorobotics.net.au or head into your nearest David Jones.

Disclosure: I received a Neato Robotic Vacuum Cleaner for the purposes of review and to keep – and I love it! My opinions are my own, and can’t be bought, but my affections can definitely be won on merit alone!

Hosted by Three Lil Princesses

::

I really wanted to name this post “Man, this baby must corner like it’s on rails” (you know, Pretty Woman?), but turning the corner out of depression, exhaustion or isolation is rarely that smooth.

Let me demonstrate . . .

When I was depressed last year Crash Hubby gently called me on it. ”Honey, do you think you might be depressed?” I fired back and indignant “No!”, whilst silently thanking and loving him for not adding that dreaded ‘again’.

Oh bugger, I’m here again.

A tiny mouse of a “Yes” followed, and then disintegrated into a long sobbing “Noooooooo”.

Sorry, I don’t do failure. I don’t handle it well at all. In fact I’m terrified of it.

I was good at school, successful in sport, managed million dollar accounts, and here I was, not being able to manage my own life or family.

And what did I have to be sad about anyway? Yes, finances were difficult with a single income earner, the mortgage was (and still is) ridiculous, but at least we have a home. I had a great husband and gorgeous kids (thankfully still do!). I felt like I didn’t really have a right to be sad, which made it all the worse.

However, I accepted that I was depressed but what could I do about it? I already failed at staying normal after the last bout. Perhaps this was going to be my new normal?

I became belligerent whenever Hubby brought it up again. I wasn’t going easily. So that’s how I found myself begrudgingly sitting in the medical centre waiting room, his hostage after he kidnapped me under the pretence of just accompanying him to drop off the kids at daycare.

“I feel like a dick”, arms folded, not at all worried by all the people who were ahead of me in the waiting room.

“You’re not a dick” he replied without looking up from his book, knowing not to engage in my self berating. It was the right call. I don’t event use that word! What I was feeling was uncomfortable. Then I realised (as Hubby already had)  it was because it wasn’t me. I’m not the problem. The depression is.

I heard my name called out in a thick Russian accent. I looked up to see this “grumpy old guy”. Great. Just great.

I could have sobbed to a woman, but not him. I was forced to be more objective and matter of fact.

“Why are you here?” he asked. What? No “How can I help you?” I gulped and replied, “Um, I’m depressed?”

The matter-of-factness continued as he asked me to explain my history. I told him of my previous experience of depression and my diagnosis of adrenal fatigue.

He stopped me abruptly, “Who tell you you have adrenal fatigue? Naturopath?” Oh great, I’m going to get called out on it being all woo-woo alternative medicine rubbish by a grumpy Russian GP. “Ah, no”, I stammered, “It was a GP who consulted with a Naturopath”, and waited, cowering.

He looks me square in the eye and says, “I am also Naturopath”. Four magic, unexpected words.

My new Russian friend treated me with great respect and listened to my fears about anti-depressants. As a Naturopath he told me he had nothing against using them when warranted, but was happy to set me up with blood tests and a mix of supplemental support to help me. After a couple of weeks it was clear I needed more help. He explained that I was just in a bit of a hole and needed a little step ladder out of it. He made it easier for me to ‘give in’ and accept the anti-depressants.

I’m sure many of you are familiar with this notion of ‘giving in’. For me, taking anti-depressants was an admission of failure. Yes, feel free to slap me through your screen. I know, I know. I judge myself more harshly than others. Always have.

It’s now a few months later and I am myself again. In fact, I’m better than myself. The anti-depressants gave me the space I needed to focus on really looking after myself. It helped me move out of the “Danger Zone” into “Survival Mode”, the next stretch on this Roadmap to an easier, happier and healthier motherhood.

But before we head into Survival Mode, I feel like I should re-iterate my tips for turning the corner. I’m not a licensed professional, so remember, this is just from my personal experience . . .

3 tips for turning the corner

1. Get over yourself. It’s not you, it’s the depression, or fatigue, or the situation you are in. Attack that, not yourself.
2. Go see a GP. They’re not as scary as you might think. Maybe you’ll get lucky like me. If not, try another. Believe it or not, a lot of GPs are there to help you, whatever your problem!
3. Get some support. Your partner, your friend, your family, your online community. Whatever works for you. Be honest and accept their support.

Join me next week (after Easter) as I explain ‘Survival Mode’ and some of the crash testing to be expected so you can start surviving too :)

Laney x

PS And check out the Blackmore’s Giveaway over on crashtestmummies.com – perfect for feeling more Alive! during the survival mode ;)

I’ve inadvertently taken a bit of a bloggy break over the last couple of weeks. Turns out it was much needed as I needed some space to re-calibrate for my new working life and routine with the kids.

I’ve also been doing an online course called “31 Days to Soul Wellness” by Melissa Horne (not sponsored or gifted by the way, just something I want and need to do). Spending so much time looking inwards has meant I’ve had limited capacity to share outwardly what I was feeling. I’ve been doing a lot of processing. And a lot of living!

I’m happy.

I’m confident.

I’ve well and truly turned a corner (something I will recount for you as part of the Roadmap soon).

Some of the things I’ve been enjoying lately . . .

One on one time with the kids

A few weeks ago I went on a date with CrashGirl. It was the first time we’d been out on an evening, just the two of us. It was fun to experience a new dimension of our relationship. We excitedly go ready together and even had matching nail polish for the occasion (not something she gets to do often).

I had been invited to see Cirque du Soleil’s Ovo and took the opportunity to give her an early 5th birthday treat. It was so much fun. Just me and her. Meeting one of the characters, dining out together in Docklands, walking along the dock looking at all the boats, and then of course the excitement of the show. It was outstanding and I recommend it for families wholeheartedly. Your kids will love the flying, tumbling, and comical insect characters. You can read my full review of Ovo here.

Credit: OSA Images

Oh, and we can’t forget the 5th birthday cake! (follows same recipe as my ‘mostly’ fructose-free beach cake), except I coloured and spread the batter into the pan in layers.

Pilates

My relationship with my body during my depression was woeful. I ate badly, I didn’t exercise and I felt no strength or love for my body at all. Believe me, it shows. I’m now back into Pilates, twice a week. Whilst it highlights how far I’ve slid back in my fitness and strength, it is also activating my body again, and my mind. I love it.

Family outings

Last weekend we took my mum up to the farm and then spent the day at a Highland Gathering in Geelong. It was so much fun! CrashBoy wore his kilt and CrashGirl delighted in telling anyone who would listen that she was born in Scotland! We also had the chance to check out a breed of dog we fell in love with in Scotland. We’re not quite ready for a dog just yet, but one day!

On Thursday night we went to Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (I was given tickets by a PR agency) and it was awesome! The kids had a really big day, but were still riveted on their seats clapping right until the very end! You can read Crash Hubby’s review of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang here.

Working

I’m loving being part of two really awesome teams. It’s the first time I haven’t worked alone in years. It feels great and enlivens me. I still get to work from home, but regular meetings, calls and skypes keep us all in touch. It’s a great arrangement and allows me to still be around for the kids which I love.

The key word here is relationships. I’m going to be writing more about “Happier Relationships” soon, especially staying in touch with people. When you’re struggling with depression it’s not something you’re very good at I find! I tend to shut off from those I love because I don’t want them to see me at my worst.

So where will this little blog go next? I’ve decided to let it meander as it needs to. Roadmap posts will still wind their way through the weeks, punctuated by things I find that help us enjoy an easier, happier and healthier motherhood. I might write once a week, and some weeks I might write more. I’ve decided not to be too prescriptive about it.

The best way to stay in touch is to subscribe to my weekly update which will come out once a week. I’d love if you could help me decide the best day to email it to you. Please let me know in the comments below :).

Lastly I’ve been nominated for Kidspot Voices (although I’m not entirely sure it wasn’t my own nomination to kickstart my blogging mojo again!!!), but if you did nominate Crash Test Mummy, then thank you for your support x

Laney x

You don’t need to be exhausted or depressed to be in the Danger Zone.  Maybe you’re just a little bit lost.  The roadmap through an easier, happier and healthier motherhood can help you too.

Sometimes motherhood all gets a bit hard. Whilst having children is immensely rewarding, it’s also bloody relentless. It can be easy to let your child’s needs become all consuming. Sure, we love them, so why shouldn’t they get our attention?

But what happens when the kids and your role as ‘Mum’ becomes your entire life and it’s not a change you were either willing to make or can get used to? I made the choice to be a stay at home mum, and whilst I’ve loved it, it has also been to my detriment at times.

What’s all this got to do with Facebook?

When things get hard we can tend to put our heads in the sand. We ignore the piles of washing, we avoid going out with friends because we feel like shite, exercising is something for people with energy, reading the same book again for the millionth time – no thanks.

We get lost in the Motherhood.

We lose our friendships. We lose our bodies. We lose our privacy. We lose our style. We lose our career. We lose our confidence.

We lose our way. We lose our direction.

What do we do instead? We lose ourselves in Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest (the holy grail of procrastination), daytime TV, Bejewelled!!!!

You know your poison ;)

Here at Crash Palace we’ve become very aware of the time we spend sitting next to each other and not actually talking. TV or the iPad becomes an escape from talking about how we’re feeling. They distract us from discussing difficult stuff like finances or my mental health. We’re knocking it on the head.

I’m also finding it quite ironic that I’m writing this blog post during a time that I’ve hardly been on social media and am finally feeling more motivated than I have been in a long time. I’ve recently started two new jobs. Jobs I could only have dreamed of having when I started my blog. It just goes to show, you can find your direction again. You don’t need to stay lost in the Motherhood.

So I’m guessing you probably want some kind of advice or a map to find your way out?!?!?!

My best advice is focus on yourself for a bit. Find some space to evaluate how you are really feeling and talk to someone about it! Work on different aspects of your life and look for some inspiration to start claiming your life back. This is what I hope this blog will be for you. I look to others for ideas and inspiration to crash test. We can do it together.

Also look back and remember what it was you loved to do before you became a mum.

Don’t forget, you had a life before kids. Remember, they’re coming along for the ride and enriching it, not taking it over ;)

My last piece of advice is this. You’ve been around longer than your kids. You have so much to give them and show them. Demonstrate to them how to live your life, rather than get pulled entirely into theirs.

But remember, I’m not the expert, I’m the experiment. Become the experiment. We’re not all the same. Not all of us have lost the same things. But it’s up to us to find them again and explore new aspects of life as a mum ;)

Are you feeling a bit lost? Have you found yourself again? Have you found a better self?

I’d love to hear your stories.

Laney x

Photo Credit: Bob Jagendorf via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: Fulla T via Compfight cc

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If a black dog started hanging around, I’d notice.  It would be totally obvious.  If she started getting aggressive with me and tried to dominate me, I’d fight back.

I’d put a collar and leash on that bitch and teach her some manners.

No, for some of us, Depression is craftier, more covert, surreptitious.

At first she’s the friend who offers you tea and sympathy . . .

“Yes, I can see how hard it is.  They’re both still young.  I understand.  You’re probably just really tired.”

“You’re not the only one.  All mums find it hard.”

She’s your ally and alibi, pulling you into the charade, offering your excuses . . .

“Don’t worry about the dishes, you need a rest.”

“Who cares if you’re not super skinny, you deserve that wine and chocolate.”

“Just roll over and got to sleep, he’ll understand.”

The seductress reveals her true self . . .

“They’d be better off without you.  I’ll take care of them.”

“You can’t get it together.  Why don’t you just give up?”

All she really wanted was your life.  To drive a wedge between you and those your love.  To rob you of your interests.  To squash your zest for life.

Would you notice the warning signs?

How easily would the seductress weave her way into your life and try and take it away from you?

When CrashHubby first suspected I was depressed, we turned to the Beyond Blue website for guidance.  In my own time and privacy I answered one of the surveys.  I was shocked to see the result, but thankfully I had CH’s support.

It gave me the jolt I needed.  Even so, it was still hard to take the next step of seeing a GP, but I did.

The following are some symptoms from one of the checklists for depression on the Beyond Blue site.  There are also checklists for anxiety, bipolar disorder and PND.

• Depressed mood most of the day
• Less interest or pleasure in all activities
• Weight loss or gain (when not dieting)
• Sleeping difficulties
• Slowed or fastened movements
• Tiredness or loss of energy
• Feeling worthless
• Difficulty concentrating
• Thoughts of death

I have a crash test for you

It’s time to reveal the seductress.  If not for yourself, then for someone else who might need help.

If life has been feeling a bit foggy and grey, consider having a look at the Beyond Blue site or one of the many resources on the RUOK site that can help you recognise how you’re feeling, or help you reach out to someone else.

Or maybe you know the signs because you’ve already walked in those shoes.  Is there someone in your life you could help?

IMPORTANT: Don’t go looking for things that might not be there.  Be respectful.  Don’t judge.

Here is a great guideline on how to ask someone else if they are ok.

DISCLOSURE: I’m not a trained medical professional and what I write here does not constitute medical advice. If you or someone you love needs help, please seek the services of a GP or other relevant medical professional.

If you feel comfortable sharing, please comment below. If you can offer advice of your own, we’d all love to hear from you.

Take care,

Laney x

I’m pulling over to the side of the road this week for a rest stop. It’s the last week of holidays and I’m enjoying it with the kids in this idyllic setting.

I’ll be back to normal programming next week.

Have you ever needed to take a rest stop?

Laney x