Funny Stories

Telo oh Telo

noreply@blogger.com (Selamber.org) — Sun, 20 Apr 2014 11:35:00 +0000

Sahrin gemar memelihara ayam dan setiap pagi dia akan mengutip telurnya. Suatu hari dia pergi kekebun dan mendapati ayamnya bertelur di bawah pokok limau jirannya, Herman. Dia menjadi sangat marah apabila ternampak Herman sedang mengutip telur ayamnya.

"Hey, jangan ambil, itu telur ayam saya" jerit Sahrin.

"Mana boleh ia bertelur didalam kebun saya, maknanya saya punyalah" balas Herman.

"Saya kata itu telur ayam saya" kata Sahrin. Mereka pun bertengkar.

"Macam ini lah, biasanya keluarga saya akan selesaikan masalah ini dengan beradu kekuatan. Apa kata kita lawan sepak perut, siapa bangun lebih cepat dia menang. Mula-mula saya akan sepak perut awak dulu" kata Sahrin.

Herman bersetuju dengan cadangan itu. Sahrin pun balik kebangsalnya dan terus memakai kasut but. Kemudian dia kembali semula mencari jirannya itu. Setelah bersedia Sahrin menyepak perut Herman sekuat-kuat hatinya. Jirannya jatuh tersungkur dan berguling-guling menahan kesakitan. Herman mengambil masa 30 minit untuk bangun kembali.

"Ha, sekarang giliran awak pula.." kata Herman yang sudah bersedia untuk menyepak Sahrin.

"Nanti dulu, ambillah telur ini," kata Sahrin dan terus pergi meninggalkan Herman.

Eat Sandwich

noreply@blogger.com (Selamber.org) — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 02:00:00 +0000

Two best friends go to a fast food shop to order a soft drink.
Once the order until they remove the bread from each sandwich, and began to eat.
The owner of the shop who had fun watching their behavior towardtheir direct and
saying,
"Sorry sir, you can not eat your own sandwiches in here !"...

So the two friends was sighted people, among themselves, thenshrugged and started to change
their sandwich ......

Poison

noreply@blogger.com (Selamber.org) — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 01:54:00 +0000

Jake is lying in bed at home ... just wait for the lost lives.
His wife, Susan was at his side. Susan holds a weak hand and crying
tears out of her eyes.

When Susan prayed, and she looked at her pale lips began to say it slowly.
"Susan, my wife," she whispered. "My husband, not to talk, relax."
"Susan, I have to admit something," he said weakly.

"There is no need to confess," replied Susan with grief.
"Everything is okay, go to sleep," said his wife, crying.

"No I want to die in peace. Susan, I have been unfaithful to your sister,
Your best friend, and your mother. "

"I know ...," he said. "That's why I poisoned you ..."

Short Life

noreply@blogger.com (Selamber.org) — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 01:41:00 +0000

An old man entered the room doctor for an annual physical examination. After several minutes, the doctor came out and said,"Aaron, I'm sorry, but we found out you have a condition which onlyallows you to live only another six weeks.

"But Doctor," Aaron replied, "I feel healthy, I do not feel better thanthis year ... This can not be true. Is not there can I do?"

After a while, the doctor said, "Yes, you may be new to the healthspa at the end of this road and the mud bath every day. "

Aaron eager to ask, "And it will heal me?"

"No," replied the doctor, "but it will make you familiar with the land."

Diamond Ring

noreply@blogger.com (Selamber.org) — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 12:48:00 +0000

A wife to her husband for not insisting on purchasing a car as her birthday gift. But her husband bought her a diamond ring of extraordinary beauty. Her friends were amazed at the selection.

One was a male friend asked, "Why did you buy your wife a diamond ring, not a car?"

The man smiled and said, "It is difficult finding counterfeit car."

Teacher Farewell Gift

noreply@blogger.com (Selamber.org) — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 12:15:00 +0000

When that is the end of the school year, and a Professor of receiving gifts from her students. Salim son of a flower shop owner gave him a gift. Professor shakes gift box, holding it above his head, and said, "I'm sure I know what this is. .. Some of the flowers?"

"That's right" of the students said, "but how the teacher know?"

"Oh, just a guess," he said.

The next pupil was the daughter of a candy store owner. Professor of holding the prize, shake it, and said, "I'm sure I can guess what this is. A box of sweets."

"That's true, but how the teacher know?" asked the pupil.

"Oh, just guessing," The Guru says.

The next prize is the son of a liquor store owner. Teachers holdings gift box, but the box was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched the tongue.

"What is wine?" he asked. "No," answered the children themselves, happily.

Teacher repeats, taking fluid from leaking into the box tongue.

"What is champagne?" he asked.

"No," answered the children themselves, with more smiles.

Teachers feel left before the state,

"I give up, what is this?"

Of the students replied, "That dog!"

Number

noreply@blogger.com (Selamber.org) — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 18:25:00 +0000

A kindergarten teacher asked her students ...

Teacher: "Who in this class who knows the number?"

Razif: "I know"

Teacher: "Do you know the numbers?"

Razif: "Yes teacher .. I have learned with my father"

Teacher: "Okay .. let's see ... after 3 .. how?"

Razif: "4"

Teacher: "Well ... after 6?"

Razif: "7"

Teacher: "Yes .. Well .. after 9?"

Razif: "10"

Teacher: "Yes .. Well done ... your father seems to really care about your education .... Finally after ten.... how?"

Razif: "Jack, Queen, & King"

Died Every Friday Morning

noreply@blogger.com (Selamber.org) — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 18:20:00 +0000

One of ICU beds in the room of a hospital often experience events leading odd .. Each patient will be placed there, died on Friday morning of each day regardless of age, gender, or their health This is very confusing for doctors ... Then the doctors decided to monitor the bed ...

Upon arriving next Friday ... some doctors prepared to identify the cause of death in the bed where the young man when a patient is asleep ... Some doctors hold the Koran as a preparation for Yassin and spirits drive ..

Spinning time ... at 08:00 am .. 08:30 am up at 9.00 am ... all of a sudden ... ... ICU room door was open ... . Then go Aunt Surgery ...A part-time workers as cleaners who only served every Friday .. Login ... approaching the sacred bed ... and continue to pull ...electrical socket for the respirator to turn for help .. vakum cleaner ...

Short Funny

noreply@blogger.com (Selamber.org) — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 18:15:00 +0000

Man: My father was great. He was the police. Everyone is afraid of him.
Ali: Hahaha, my father is more greatest. When he asked the subject, that person would be subject ..
Man: Wow! What your father working?
Ali: Barber.

Doctor: You should take this medication 3 tbsp per day.
Patient: Uh! Can not be a doctor.
Doctor: Why?
Patient: My house is only have two tablespoons.

Teacher: Hasan, connect 2 of this section into one. 'Ali ride bicycles to school. Ali saw the corpses. "
Hasan: Ali saw the corpses ride bicycles to school.

Moni: From this morning I was not full-meal satiety.
Sasi: You eat what?
Mony: Wind!

Egg Seller

noreply@blogger.com (Selamber.org) — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 17:56:00 +0000

Buyer: "Sis, how many eggs per kilo?"

Seller: "chicken or duck eggs?"

Buyer: "egg."

Seller: normal egg or chicken? "

Buyer: "ordinary chicken."

Seller: "The local or the imported?"

Buyer: "The local."

Seller: "The wish of the local Ipoh, Kuala Selangor
or Tampin?

Buyer: "The Ipoh lah ..." (As he looks upset).

Seller: "Want to Ipoh Central, West, East, North or South?"

Buyer: "You want to sell the eggs or the streets?"

Seller: "Sorry brother, I am selling noodles in the stew. Incidentally
The eggs sell out to eat. I asked to speak first to the buyer until he comes!

Can U Play?

noreply@blogger.com (Selamber.org) — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 15:55:00 +0000

A man approached a neighbor's house and knocked on the door ...
When the young woman opened the door of your house .. the man was asked ...

"Miss ... Miss can play the sex?"

Because the shock ... The young women hit the door of his house... However, the man would have just knocked on the door and
asking the same question. This time the young woman was screaming as hard hearts
as he drove his neighbor was not indecent ...

That night .. she was telling embarrassing afternoon
to her husband. Her husband promised to wait for the next rude boy
day when he comes again.

It was true ... the next day the same man came again and
knocked on the door. The woman immediately opened the door while her husband
while holding a gun to hide ...

The man continued to ask ..
"... Miss. can or not play the sex?"

"Must be good .. why ask this question sir?"
She said with a bold ...

"Good if you know ..." the man said ...
"Then Miss .. satisfy your husband and tell him to keep away from
my wife! "

In The Hospital

noreply@blogger.com (Selamber.org) — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 15:45:00 +0000

Four people will be the baby's birth father is waiting for their break room of a hospital. Anxiety clear indication on their faces ...

A nurse came out of the operating room said the first man, "Congratulations! sir's wife gave birth to twins safe. "
"Double double! Coincidently, I worked at the iconic Petronas Twin Towers, "said the first man.

A few minutes later, another nurse came to tell the second man, "Her Excellency safely give birth to triplets. Congratulations!
"What? Triplets! I work with 3D Corporation, said the second man.

Half an hour later, a nurse tells the third man, "Congratulations!Wife of Mr. secure. Lord blessed the four twins "the nurse said quietly.
"Twin four! I really do not suspect this incident, I was working at the Four Season Hotel, "said the third man to be happy.

The four men began paced anxiety. The three men had surprised to see the fourth man. They ask,
"What worries you?"
With a whirl he replied "I work at Seven Eleven."

Papa and Mama

noreply@blogger.com (Selamber.org) — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 15:37:00 +0000

In the morning, a young man out of his room and asked her grandmother:

"Grandma, where Papa and Mama?"
"They are still in the room ..." her grandmother replied.

Child was laughing and then breakfast and then go to school alone.When home .. the son asked her grandmother:

"Where are Papa and Mama?"
"They are still in the room" her grandmother replied back.

The child giggled, and then spent eating tengaharinya and go play.At night then son had come home for dinner. Before eating, the child then asked her grandmother:

"Where are Papa and Mama?"
"Still in the room" said the grandmother.

The child giggled.

"Why is the last I just noticed you laugh?" asked her grandmother with a high tone.

The child answered,

"Yesterday, my Dad came into the room to ask for skin moisturizing gel, but I give her glue.. Super Glue!"

Celebrate the anniversary

noreply@blogger.com (Selamber.org) — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 15:28:00 +0000

While celebrating the anniversary of the 25-year marriage, a wife reminded her husband:

"Do you remember when you talk to me, u want marry me, I was so amazed that I cannot speak for an hour?"

Her husband said:

"Yes, dear, it is one of the happiest hours of my life!"

Died Elephant

noreply@blogger.com (Selamber.org) — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 15:23:00 +0000

A manager of a zoo received a phone call about the death of an elephant at the zoo. As a measure of inspection, the manager went to the elephant barn and found there a man cries next to a dead elephant.

Manager: "As the keeper of an elephant, I understand the grief that you incur because of our defense when the animal is dead."

Male: "I am not an elephant keeper, the owner. But I was assigned to dig graves and bury them!"

After Die

noreply@blogger.com (Selamber.org) — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 15:19:00 +0000

Dinner that night last year, Ajoi hang in front of the TV while talking to his wife.

Ajoi: "When the brother died, whether not marry again?"

Wife: "Of course not! Your sister would sit with me. How are u if I died, u not married again?"

Ajoi: "Absolutely not, the same kind of u ... i will live with your sister...

Why Monkey Fall Outta The Tree?

noreply@blogger.com (Selamber.org) — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 01:05:00 +0000

Why'd the monkey fall outta the tree?

'cause he was dead...

Why'd the other monkey fall outta the tree?

'cause he was dead too...

Why'd the third monkey fall outta the tree?

peer pressure...

Playing Golf

noreply@blogger.com (Selamber.org) — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 01:02:00 +0000

A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process she hacks the hell out of the buttercups.

Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golf bag and looks at her and says, "I'm Mother Nature, and I don't like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you won't be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea."

The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared. Shaken, the wife calls out to her husband

"Hey, where's your ball?" "It's over here in the pussy willows."

The wife screams back,

"DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!! DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!!"

So Cold

noreply@blogger.com (Selamber.org) — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 00:58:00 +0000

There's an Ahmish girl riding in a buggy with her mother, and she say's "my hands are really cold, how can I warm them up?"

Her mother say's "Put them between your legs, that will warm them up."

So she does, and her mother was right. The next day the girl is riding in the buggy with her boyfriend, and he says his hands are cold, so the girl say's, "Put them between my legs, that will warm them up."

So he does, and his hands get warm. The next day he has a cold nose, and they use the same remedy. The day after that he say's "My dick is really cold" and the girl says, "Put it between my legs and warm it up."

So he does. She's talking to her mother the next day and she asks, "Mom have you ever heard of a penis?" Her mother says, "Yes, why do you ask?"

She says I don't know what they are, but they make an awful mess when they thaw out!

Small World

noreply@blogger.com (Selamber.org) — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 00:56:00 +0000

Two men are having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course, and they didn't bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.

After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said, "I think I'll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through." He walked out to the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped, turned around and came back, explaining, "I can't do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress. Maybe you'd better go talk to them."

The second man walked toward the ladies, go halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped, turned around and walked back.

He smiled sheepishly and said, "Small World!"

Equipment

noreply@blogger.com (Selamber.org) — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 00:53:00 +0000

A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up real early that morning and took a nap.

While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the boat, and started reading her book.

Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside the woman's boat and asks her what she's doing? She says, "Reading my book."

The Game Warden tells her she is in a restricted fishing area and she explains that she's not fishing. To which he replied, "But you have all this equipment. I will have to take you in and write you up!"

Angry that the warden was being so unreasonable, the lady told the warden, "If you do that, I will charge you with rape."

The warden, shocked by her statement, replied, "But I didn't even touch you."

To which the lady replied, "Yes; but you have all the equipment!"

New Way To Loose Weight

noreply@blogger.com (Selamber.org) — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 00:46:00 +0000

A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his
doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an
advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. Guaranteed like
heck, he thinks to himself. But lets see what they think they can do.
He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight
loss program.

The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers,
there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe
dressed in nothing but a pair of Nikes and a sign hanging around her
neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss
company. The sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. Well,
without a second thought he takes off after her (like who wouldn't).
A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has
his way with her. After they are through he kisses the girl one last
time and thinks to himself with a nod, I like the way this company
does business.

For the next two days, the same girl shows up and the same thing
happens each time. On the fourth day, he weighs himself and, sure
enough, he has lost 10 pounds. Deciding that he likes his somewhat
more slender physique, not to mention the method of treatment, he
calls the company back and subscribes to their 5 day, 20 LB weight
loss program. He thinks that losing 20 pounds in only 5 days seems
like a lot, but he is intrigued by what their workout schedule might
be like this time.

As expected, the next day there comes a knock at his door. When he
answers it there stands a 22 year old knockout dressed in nothing but
a pair of Reeboks and a sign hanging around her neck. She is simply
stunning, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She introduces
herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign
reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. He's out the door like a
shot. This gal is in excellent shape and it takes a while to catch
her. But when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. She is
wonderful, the best he has ever had. He is really looking forward to
the next four days... For the next four days, the same girl shows up
and the same thing happens each time, much to his delight. On the
sixth day, he weighs himself and, unbelievably, he has lost another 20
pounds. I love this company, he thinks to himself, I never knew
losing weight could be so easy and so much fun.

Feeling much better about himself, he decides to go for broke and
subscribe to the companies 7 day, 50 pound weight loss program. Are
you sure, sir? asks the representative on the phone. This is our most
rigorous program. Absolutely, says he, I love your program. haven't
felt this good in years! The next day there comes a knock at his
door and he enthusiastically answers it. There stands before him a 200
pound perfect specimen of a man dressed in nothing but racing spikes
and a sign around his neck. He introduces himself as a representative
of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, If I can catch you, I can have you.

On Elevator

noreply@blogger.com (Selamber.org) — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 00:40:00 +0000

A guy steps into an elevator and there's just one attractive woman in
it. He turns around to
push the button for his floor and his elbow bumps right into her
breast. He says, "Oh, I'm
so sorry. If your heart is as soft as your breast, I hope you'll be
able to forgive me." She
looks at him a few seconds and says, "That's all right. If your penis
is as hard as your
elbow, I'm in room 204."

Old Man

noreply@blogger.com (Selamber.org) — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 00:38:00 +0000

An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he
called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is
it or the express degree you told me about?"

"It's $50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll be dead soon,
why do you want to become a lawyer?"

"That's my business! Get me the course!"

Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer
was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid.

Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing and
it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the
lawyer leaned over and said, "please, before it's too late,
tell me why you wanted to to get a law degree so badly before
you died?"

In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said,
"One less lawyer . . ."

Anak Yang Baik Sesangat

noreply@blogger.com (Selamber.org) — Sun, 10 Oct 2010 06:08:00 +0000

Dua orang wanita yang sudah lama tidak berhubung akhirnya bertemu di sebuah pasar.. Mereka masing-masing bercerita tentang keluarganya....

Wanita 1: "Aku ada seorang anak lelaki yang kelakuannya sangat sempurna"

Wanita 2: "Apakah dia merokok?"

Wanita 1: "Oh, tidak!...tidak sama sekali!"

Wanita 2: "Dia kekadang minum bir?"

Wanita 1: "Oh, tidak! Dia anak yang baik-baik"

Wanita 2: "Dia kuat bersosial... dan selalu pulang larut malam ke rumah?"

Wanita 1: "Tidak pernah sama sekali! Namanya juga anak terbaik dalam keluarga"

Wanita 2: "Wah, nampaknya dia betul-betul anak lelaki yang sempurna, berapa usianya?"

Wanita 1: "Minggu depan akan genap usianya enam bulan!"