Crazyland: Tales From The Motherboard

The Notebook(s)

2012-02-28T17:07:00.001-07:00

Writing in my journal has always been an important part of my life. I carry various notebooks with me everywhere I go and write down the thoughts and feelings I have. Sometimes I am able to go weeks without something needing to get out, and other times I can't seem to write my thoughts down fast enough-- hence my blog.

Typing my thoughts out is much faster than taking pen to paper.

However, I literally have hundreds of notebooks and journals floating around that contain my thoughts, struggles, trials, Quotes and words of encouragement that I hear from others. When I am really struggling, my notebooks are ever present and I record everything that pricks my heart and helps me feel like I can move forward.

Recording the stories of my family is important to me and I hope that my children and grandchildren will thank me one day for taking the time to capture them. I know how I feel when I am able to read the private thoughts of my Grandparents-- It makes me feel connected to them and I understand myself more when I am able to read their words.

My Father took the time one year to transcribe my Grandmothers journal and then had it bound for all of us as a Christmas gift. I promptly sat down and devoured every single word. She had a hard life and yet she never lost her faith, in fact she lived by it. She never said an unkind word about anyone-- a trait that my Father inherited.

My Dad did the same thing with my Grandfathers journal and when I saw my Grandpa's handwriting, tears sprang to my eyes. He had beautiful handwriting, which I think was rather common place in the 30's and 40's. His journal was full of poems-- some silly, others serious-- and it just fit that his journal be filled with these things. I remember him always telling us poems and stories and how much I loved hearing them. He was a jokester and had such a healthy sense of humor.

Reading my Grandparents journals did for me what the man in the video said it did for him-- it helped me understand myself better. I am stubborn, so is my Grandmother. I love to laugh, joke and tease, and so did my Grandfather. Understanding who my ancestors were is helping me to understand better who I am. And, who I have the potential to become.

I love hearing the stories of "the olden days" -- stories that my Grandparents would tell, and also the ones that my parents would tell. Some of my fondest memories involve me and my Dad sitting around our kitchen table and him telling me stories about what it was like to grow up in Randolph, Utah.

The coldest place on the face of the planet. And a place that time forgot.

Recently Family Search asked me to help them write on their blog about the 1940's and as I have been researching it, reading about it and frankly learning about my own personal heritage, I have felt my heart being pricked yet again.

I know that I want to do it -- gather my family's stories -- and the Spirit is speaking to me, but keeping that fire ignited all the time is hard. The fire comes and goes in wanting to collect the dates, but the gathering of stories is something that has always been very important to me.

Truthfully, the stories are what we fall in love with-- not obscure dates-- and the stories are what helps us power through the difficult trials that we may encounter in life. At least that's been my experience while working on this project.

Family Search is looking for Blog Ambassadors to help rally the troops and get people excited about not only the 1940's but helping execute the largest community service project ever recorded -- Indexing the 1940 Census. Anyone, from any religion, can help be an ambassador (and win swanky cool prizes) and anyone can help index the 1940's Census.

Heck. They've made it so easy to participate-- you can even index from your phone, iPod, iPad or iTouch now-- because there's an App for that!

Guys, this is a good thing to be involved in. Think about the people in your past that you love, and the support, comfort and help they have given you. Digitizing these records will make it possible for other relatives to connect with them and feel these feelings as well.

At the very least, the documents that are being digitized could be what your posterity needs in order to feel like they can "carry on in this little trial".

Click here to participate in the Blog Ambassador Program and click here to help in the 1940 Community Project.

Random Randomness and Then Some Tunes

2012-02-17T11:38:00.000-07:00

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." -- Soren Kierkegaard

Somewhere on my body is a magnet that attracts crazy people.

I'd really like to find this magnet and have it uninstalled because I'm not exaggerating in the least little bit when I tell you crazy people are attracted to me. In part, it is my fault because I am a chatty patty. I am able to chat with anyone. Crazy people love the fact that someone actually sees them and will carry on a conversation with them. If the conversation lasts less than two minutes, then I'm OK. It's when it goes on for long stretches -- and then they won't go away -- that it makes me squirm.

Like the lady who comes in every night to work to read my palm and predict how many children I am going to have. I am not kidding. She also likes to tell me how long I am going to live and what kind of problems I can expect to face in the next five years, and then gives me a box of chocolates. Every single time she comes in to the store.

Me thinks I'd rather not know what is coming my way if they're anything at all like she says is coming down my pipeline.

Then there was the Vietnam Vet who had to tell me all sorts of slap-stick jokes while he proceeded to pee his pants in front of me.

Yes he did. TOTALLY peed his pants right in front of me. I promptly picked up the phone and called "Housekeeping. STAT."

SO. GROSS.

Then there was the man who brought his bike into the store and wanted me to not only watch it -- because it is so cool everyone wants to steal it -- but put a tracking device on the shirt he wanted to buy NEXT MONTH. And, it couldn't be just any shirt that looked the same as the one he was holding-- it had to be that exact one.

There was also the lady who could hardly walk, let alone shop with her kids, because she had shot up on Meth in the bathroom.

#True story.

Or the dudes from Turkey who were trying to convince me that I needed to give them the "tourist" discount because they were hot Turkey Men. I told them I would if they would give me job-alimony for the rest of my life.

People. The moon is forcing the crazies out of their caves and they are flocking to me like I am their leader and Schmoles is their mothership.

What does that even mean?

*****
Hindsight it always 20/20 and I have a tendency to be way too trusting. I would never purposefully hurt someone, say something degrading or a half-truth about someone to other people. I have a tendency to give people the benefit of the doubt over and over again until I have been burned so bad it is beyond repair.

Is that a good quality or a bad one?

I don't know.

I just know that even when I am faced with the truth that people are blatantly stating untruths about me, I can't bring myself to "argue" the facts. It's exhausting and people will believe what they choose to believe and that's that.

People may say that they never believe anything they hear is actually an incorrect statement. People may think they don't believe it, but their opinions are being molded by what they hear others say. That is just human nature.

Communication is a tricky skill, and I think people -- me included -- would be surprised if they could hear a recording of the conversations they are saying happened and realize that things are actually much different than what we both remember.

*****
Yesterday was Jefe's 41st Birthday. I was talking on the phone with my friends (we do free conference call.com so we can all talk together at the same time-- its a total blast!) and was posting a video to his Facebook wall when we got the crazy idea that I should post 41 birthday videos to his wall.

We then spent the next 30 minutes coming up with crazy Happy Birthday videos for Jefe. Want to know what they were? Cause peeps. They were HILARIOUS.

No?

Too Bad.

I'm gonna tell you anyway:

I think I broke his phone as all 41 Facebook notices hit his phone at the exact same time. During a business meeting.

Yes. I know. I totally need to get a life.

*****

Have a good weekend peeps. We're hanging low and calling it good.

Catch ya on the flip side.

1. Night Drive - Gotye
2. Let Go - Frou Frou
3. When the Roses Bloom Again - Billy Bragg & Wilco
4. They - Jem
5. The Stars Just Blink For Us - Say Hi To Your Mom
6. Lights (bassnecter remix) - Ellie Goulding
7.Orange Sky - Alexi Murdoch
8. Wake Up -Arcade Fire
9. Ghostwriter - RJD2
10. Something Good Can Work (The Twelves Remix) - Two Door Cinema Club

Bonus: Learn to Love - Ryan Adams

Happy Valentines Day {and all that other mushy crap}

2012-02-14T11:41:00.000-07:00

Jefe and I have the same conversation every year: "Are we going to celebrate V-day this year?" and every year we decide to wait and celebrate it (maybe) the weekend AFTER the big love-fest.

I sort of hate the big love fest that goes on because all it really is a comparison fest. Or a guilt fest. Or a my-husband-gets-me-better-presents-than-you-fest.

And really, who likes that?

Not I said the cranky girl on the back row.

It's also not because I don't have love in my life-- because I do. Lots of it.

To quote Rihanna "We found love in a hopeless place."

Truer words have never been sung.

I love Jefe like a Zombie loves brains.

I love him like a back ally whore loves crack.

I love him like a fat girl loves cake and I love him like an Emo kid loves tight pants.

Peeps.

This dude has my heart.

I'm gonna be honest with you here. Cause if I'm anything at all it's honest with my friends on the internet.

As a teen I freakin' LOVED Valentines Day. I think it was because when I was in 9th Grade, I had NO Boyfriend and was happily minding my own business in Mr. Day's 6th period Science class (which was totally nasty, yo) and the student body officers came in to hand out the Valentines. I knew I wouldn't be getting one because hello? I had no boyfriend.

I watched as all the girls (and boys) got corsages --- YES CORSAGES -- that they could put on for the dance that was happening in like 15 minutes. If you think about it-- that's really a horrible thing to subject teenagers to. Handing out corsages on VALENTINES DAY to then be worn to a DANCE where they HOPE someone will dance with them.

Imagine my complete surprise when they called out my name "Elisa You're the next contestant on embarrass the crap out of you while you walk to the front of the class to get this flower thing."

I actually asked them if they meant me because there were two other Lisa's in the class with me. The Student Body Officer grinned at me and looked me straight in the eye-ball while he spelled my name "E-L-I-S-A that's YOU, right?"

{wink}

Umm. Yes.

{did he just wink at me?}

But why?

I had no clue why anyone would want to buy me a corsage. I was convinced it was my friends playing a mean trick on me.

Imagine how stunned I was when I read the card:

"To Elisa, From Loren. I'll meet you in the dance."

HOL.EE. COW.

The hottest guy in THE WHOLE SCHOOL (who was also an officer) had sent me a Valentine and I didn't even know that he liked me.

Heaven, I tell you. Pure heaven.

I wasn't planning on going to the dance I was going to go home. However, I promptly changed my mind as the class Cat-Called me while I walked back to my seat. I sat there blushing like, well, the school girl that I was. I danced the afternoon away with my new found love and we had a marvelous romance that lasted all of fifteen minutes.

(I really have no idea how long it lasted but it was good, yo.)

As an adult, nothing has ever lived up to that teenage vision of Valentines Day. Finding out someone has a secret crush on you is pretty hypnotic.

But, what is even better is re-discovering your lover and seeing him with new eyes. That's pretty hypnotic, too. And the Fringe Benefits are most excellent, yo.

I don't need no stinking holiday to realize I've got it pretty good here in Crazyland. 'Cause I see it. I know I do. Things were seriously rough there for a while, Peeps. But, I gots it bad for Jefe and we're plowing through. Isn't that really what love is all about? Knowing each others shiz and then deciding they're still swanky fun?

Me thinks so.

Happy Valentines Day, Jefe. I'm glad we hooked up again.

Actual Conversation(s)

2012-01-30T15:21:00.000-07:00

Moxie Pants is such a kick. She is at the age where she just says what she thinks -- much like her mother who never actually grew OUT of that stage -- and the stuff she says leaves me LOLing.

Maybe that's why I enjoy being around her so much. She says what she thinks, with no filter. And so do I. Sometimes.

I love the fact that whenever anything goes missing she thinks about it and then yells at the top of her lungs "It's the Binky Monster. He steals EVERYTHING!"

I am constantly left laughing at the crazy stuff she comes up with and how that crazy cute brain of hers works.

Take for instance these conversations:

Moxie: How do I climb the wall?

Me: Huh?

Moxie: This wall. How do I climb it?

Me: Umm. You can't.

Moxie: I could if I were a frog. How can I be a frog?

*****
Moxie: I want a TV in my room.

Me: {muttered under my breath} Dream On baby.

Moxie: Oh. OK. I also want a fridge for all my own soda and a baff-tub.

*****
Moxie: Mom?

Me: Yeah babe?

Moxie: Can you log me on to Kids.net.org?

Me: Wuh?

Moxie: You know. The internet? Can you log me on?

Me: Wow.

*****

Me: Why is your face blue?

Moxie: Because I got ready for Primary all by myself.

Me: But, why is your face blue?

Moxie: Cause I wanted to wear makeup and be blue.

Me: Oh. Well that makes perfect sense.

*****
Me: Where's my lip goo?

Moxie: You mean this? {showing me my brand-new EMPTY jar of Burts Bee's Wax}

Me: Uh, yeah. What happened to it?

Moxie: I ate it.

Me: WHY?

Moxie: Cause it's good.

*****
Waitress: And what will she {pointing to Moxie} have to drink?

Moxie: {putting her hand up} I got dis Mom. I wanna have a diet coke with this much ice {showing her hands super big}

Me: {laughing} I'll have what she's having.

*****
Me: What did you learn about in Primary today?

Moxie: Umm. Lemme think. Oh yeah. I know. Go Diego Go. Or God. I can't remember really.

*****
I just can't get enough of this kid. Every time we interact she leaves me wanting more. She is so fun to be around and her silly laugh makes my day. I'll be sad when she enters the phase that all of my kids have eventually entered -- The one that I "lovingly" call the "Need to Know" phase.

And you Mom?

You don't need to know. Anything.

And when that happens it will make me sad. 'Cause hearing her blurt out every single thought she has? It warms me to the depths of my soul.

Pixie Lott

2012-01-24T14:48:00.001-07:00

Random Randomness and Then Some Tunes

2012-01-20T11:45:00.000-07:00

"Think of what would happen to us in America if there were no humorists; life would be one long Congressional Record." -- Tom Masson

Word.

me laughing, because dang. I'm funny.

One of the qualities that I value most in people is their sense of humor. If you have one, I probably heart you. If you don't we probably aren't friends.There is value in being able to bust-a-gut laugh with someone-- it bonds you and is the best anti-depressant around.

Besides, the more you laugh the younger you look. Serious. I read it on the Internet, so it must be true.

How boring would life be without people who see the irony in life and happily point it out? Sure. Life is hard, sad and all that other depressing crap. But, it's also funny. You just have to look for it, but it's there. Pinky Swear.

*****
Moxie is trying to kill me slowly. She loves my diet coke more than I do and I feel like a mean old ogre every time I yank it out of her hands. Truthfully, I have a problem sharing with her. Not because she drinks it all (she does) but because she likes to take the lid off my McDee's cup and then PLAY WITH THE ICE. In the Diet Coke.

People. That is just plain old nasty.

Who knows where those hands have been.

Actually. I do. That's why I am a mean old ogre when it comes to my Diet Coke.

Mama Don't Share Well.

*****
I got buckets of emails and texts from people asking about "The Stalker."

Yes I had one.

No. It was not a traffic ploy.

(although note to self: that would be a good idea. start working on a fictional series ...)

Yes I am fine.

No they haven't tried to kill me.

Yes I did send TWO cease and desist letters ~~telling~~ asking them to leave me alone. The last one seemed to have done the trick. It was rather forceful and held all sorts of promises of what we could and would do to them if they did not stop immediately.

It may have even included a threat about a horse-head in their bed, too.

Or not.

Man. I'm glad Jefe is an Attorney and not a Garbage Man. That brain of his has come in handy more times than not.

*****

I have found myself reflecting on the friends that I have been blessed with in my life. A lot of them have come and gone, but there have been a core group of women that have stood by me-- through thick and thin-- and I don't know what I would do without them.

Good friends are ones who are willing to call you on your crap, and then help you stand up and be better. Those are the friends that I have surrounded myself with. They know my stuff, and still love me anyway.

It's been an interesting case study for me this past year. I would be honest in telling you that 2011 was absolutely the worst year of my life. And, when I confided to some of my friends while I was going through it-- it was interesting to me the ones who stuck around and helped pull me through and the ones who quickly bailed. The ones I thought would be the stalwart ones were the ones who bailed, and the ones who stayed are the ones who have become my rocks... my true friends.

My blogging friends-- Caroline, Veronica, Melissa and Julie are my rocks. They would send gobs of emails-- bouncing them back so fast it was like watching a tennis match on speed-- that just kept me laughing. When you put those four women together the things they come up with never cease to amaze me-- they should write for SNL-- they are that funny. And twisted. They see things clearly and always have my back.

I suppose trials in your own life really define who your true friends are. To say I was surprised -- and frankly heartbroken-- at the ones who chose to leave my life would be lying. I trusted them with information and when it was no longer an "easy road", they moved on to bigger, better and brighter pastures.

That sort of hurt. A lot.

However. What it did do was create better friendships. And it taught me that not everyone cares. Most are just curious.

*****
The other night Moxie looked at Jefe and I and said: "I really want a TV in my room." I sort of mumbled under my breath, not intending for her to hear, Dream On.

She did hear, and took that statement quite literally.

"OK. I also want a baff-tub and a fridge to put all my own sodas in."

She's a dreamer that kid.

And, I like it. A lot.

*****
Have a swell weekend peeps. It's mighty warm around these parts and I likes it. Mucho.

Catch ya on the flip-side!

The Winner Is - Devotchka
Windows Are Rolled Down (Live) - Amos Lee
Hannah - Ray LaMontagne
Iris - The Goo-Goo Dolls
Christmas Song (Live) - Dave Matthews Band
Flightless Bird, American Mouth - Iron & Wine
Rest - The Temper Trap
The Grid - Crystal Method
I'm An Animal - Neko Case
Medicine - Grace Potter & the Nocturnals

Bonus: Fade Into You - Mazzy Star

Bucket List

2012-01-19T11:59:00.001-07:00

Before I die I want to not just SEE a flash mob, but I want to be IN one, too.

Wordless Wednesday

2012-01-18T10:20:00.000-07:00

Click here to go sign the petition being sponsored by Google to tell congress to stop Internet Censorship.

If you want to read more about SOPA or PIPA head on over to Mashable and check out their detailed post.

Another Portlandia Moment

2012-01-17T12:02:00.001-07:00

Jefe and I discovered Portlandia during the holidays. It is seriously one of the weirdest yet funniest shows we have ever watched and we can't seem to get enough of it! It's full of the best one-liners since the old days on SNL. Which makes perfect sense, seeing how it's produced by Lorne Michaels and has tons of SNL actors in the skits. It's just high quality SNL -- making fun of quirky things in society.

Take for instance this skit on ordering at a restaurant. The waiter is hell-bent on telling them every single thing they can find on the menu, which we found hysterical. The facial expressions of Fred's character makes me snort every time I watch this. Which is a lot.

I think what makes this show so freaking funny is the fact that its a parody on life. Every where we go now Jefe and I find ourselves looking at each other and then busting a gut because hello! Was that a Portlandia moment?

Take, for example, my experience at the Apple Store recently. It was a culinary fest of satire.

People. All I wanted was to buy a cover for my iPad.

That's all.

Just a simple little cover.

The Apple employee had something totally different in mind. He sat me down at the little desk and proceeded to parade in front of me all the covers available to man-kind.

"Now here we have a darling green one that has this cute little dangly-thinger. I think of all the covers we have this one says TECH GIRL the most."

Yes he did.

He totally said that.

My eyes started glazing over and I looked to Jefe for help and saw that he was mouthing "Crazy Craigs Guac Tacs" at me, which made me start to laugh.

The parade continued.

He was pulling more and more covers out, faster and faster and my head was starting to spin from the whirlwind of iPad covers flashing in front of my eyes. It was like an iPad Rave happening in front of my face. I could hardly focus my eyes.

Really. I just wanted a simple iPad cover, not the millennium falcon version of iPad covers. Is that too much to ask? Just a cover. Get in. Get out. Get on with your life. An iPad cover. Nothing more.

Finally I told him that I really liked the one my girlfriend Veronica bought so I would go call her and come back later and get the one she bought. I told him that I knew she had done all the research and I was content with being a complete copy-cat and not screaming "Tech Girl" every time I took my iPad out.

He promptly asked me her full name, did some typing on the computer and said "Aha! I know exactly which one she bought!" And I had my magic iPad cover that was just like Veronica's.

After enduring 20 minutes of the epic iPad cover parade.

And Jefe laughing because Hello.

That was a Portlandia moment.

Random Randomness and Then Some Tunes

2012-01-13T15:59:00.000-07:00

“To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, Hey, can you give me a hand? You can say, Sorry, got these sacks. - Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy (Saturday Night Live)”

This week has been a crazy whirl-wind adventure. From the kids puking to me puking to me being possessed, yet again, by James Earl Jones. I always thought it would be awesome to have him narrate my life, but now that he's taken up residence once again inside my lungs, I'm thinking that really he's just a needy little bugger.

The only thing I hate more than me puking is other people puking. See I'm a sympathy puker. I hear someone puke and immediately I'm joining the puke fest. So imagine the fun that's been my house this past week.

The kids puke. I puke. The kids puke. I puke.The kids puke. I puke.

Round and round we go, like a merry-go-round.

Which, btw makes me puke.

*****
I'm working on a post about my favorite apps from 2011. This year I increased my photography apps by two folders-- making it 4 folders that I have of apps that I can edit photos, make collages and even turn the photos into comic strips. I love photography and I love my iPhone-- so mixing the two together is nirvana for me.

*****

I am digging this song big time. It's an arrangement of Coldplay's Paradise. I have had it on continuous loop for the past couple of days. I love hearing artists remake popular songs... just hearing them take a popular tune and then remaking it into something totally new is fascinating to me.

*****
I'm doing the 365 on Instagram again this year and I'm having a blast! I love documenting my life one photo at a time. I went through a phase where I was driving over a bridge every day at the same time, so I took a picture at the top of the bridge every day-- at sunset. It's such a fun way to document your life and goes beyond the basic scrapbook stuff. Which, btw, I have outgrown.

I used to love to scrapbook and would get together with my friends in Illinois on a weekly basis to scrapbook... but once I found blogging I decided this was more my cup of tea. And then all the various other platforms of capturing your stories and photos have captured my interest.

Here is the past weeks photos:

*****
Jefe and I have a rule that when we go out to eat together we have to eat at a new restaurant. Which is super fun, but can be a pain too. Especially when you have a favorite restaurant that you like... But broadens your horizons and creates super fun memories.

Yelp is our new best friend. Wherever we are we can pull up Yelp and get suggestions on places to eat and what's good at each place. I have to say that Yelp is one of my favorite Apps-- I just wish it would list where there was free WIFI and would let you post your review straight from your phone and not have to log in via an actual computer.

This past week we tried two new restaurants Sonora Grill and Pats BBQ.

I am a Mexican Food junkie and Sonora Grill was fantastic. I absolutely LOVED the coconut rice-- I would eat there again just to have a giant heaping portion of that rice. So. Dang. Good.

Their chips were awesome! They are hand made tortillas that you can break up yourself. The tortilla lady makes over one thousand tortillas a day. We had two baskets of tortillas while tasting all the different types of salsa they offered. It was a great environment and the booths were different and cozy.

Pats BBQ was totally different than what we had expected. It was a total hole-in-the-wall and down a dark, scary alley. Which is the perfect combo for making a great eating experience.

I'm dying to go back when its warmer and eat on the patio. They have blues bands on a regular basis and it has a super cozy feeling. We had a blast listening to the band playing and trying all the flavors of BBQ Sauce. I think I would get a bigger helping of the Jambalaya next time I go. It was to die for good!

The other fun part was Pats was featured on Diners Drive-ins and Dives. They have a wall of photos and I was ogling over Guy when the owner came over and asked if I wanted my picture taken next to it.

Need not ask me twice to get my picture taken. We chatted the owner up for a while and decided we needed to come back when a different band is playing. And when it's warmer outside.

*****
Friday the 13th.

Are you superstitious?

Me? Not so much.

{as she throws salt over her shoulder.}

*****
That's it peeps. Have a good weekend. I see lots of sleep in my future so I can get rid of this dirty little squatter that has taken up residence in my lungs. Here's hoping he moves out faster this time around versus last time. Last time I ended up with pneumonia and a sinus infection.

Take it easy and keep your nose clean.

Catch ya on the flip side!

1. Love Gone Crazy - John Nemeth
2. Tripping Billies - Dave Matthews Band
3. Beat It (2008 Remix) - Michael Jackson & Fergie
4. Amsterdam - Coldplay
5. Beautifully - Jay Brannan
6. Don't Know Why - Norah Jones
7. One - U2
8. Born Free- Kid Rock
9. Ghosts N Stuff - Deadmau 5
10. Sweet Disposition - The Temper Trap

Bonus: All For You - Janet Jackson

Can't Wait to See These Flicks

2012-01-12T14:20:00.000-07:00

Quit Stalking Me

2012-01-10T14:02:00.000-07:00

When I was doing my blogging conference, I had a speaker confide in me that she was being cyber-stalked. She was getting daily emails, and comments from someone who "stalked" her blog and had decided that they had a personal vendetta against my friend. I was horrified because my friend was one of the nicest people I had ever met.

The stalking had gotten so bad -- and threatening -- that my friend actually reported it and took full advantage of all the cyber stalking laws that are in place. She worked closely with her local police and they actually got the FBI involved to track down her stalker.

The stalker thought they were crazy smart and "hiding" their identity online while surfing my friends blog, leaving nasty comments and sending harassing emails. But, when you are crazy smart-- or know crazy smart people-- there are a myriad of ways to track people. Even when they think they are hiding their IP Address.

My friend was terrified to actually come to the conference and speak. I can share all this now because the conference is a thing of the past-- but we went to extreme lengths to make sure that she felt safe. Including having an undercover officer there so that if her stalker showed up (she knew who the stalker was at this point) my friend could be protected and the stalker would be arrested.

I remember at the time thinking that this was extreme and that "normal" people don't get cyber stalked. Especially "normal" people who write about their family or their "weird" religion.

I have always been pretty careful about never mentioning my children and their real names on my blog. I went to extreme lengths for years to never even give out MY name. I know that for a long time it was a big deal and that people were on personal quests to figure out my real identity.

I "came out", so to speak, because of the Casual Blogger Conference. And frankly? That caused me copious amounts of trepidation.

Now?

Not so much.

I'm all over the radio and TV these days and I can't hide behind my Motherboard moniker any longer. I mean, who would take that seriously? No one. However, I still have gone to great lengths to protect my children. Their mother may be comfortable living her life out-loud on the internet, but they should not have to. Not unless they choose to do so.

I get all sorts of "hate email" on a pretty regular basis. Which I find ridiculous that someone will take the time to write emails about how much they hate my blog (its usually in reference to MMB). The first time it happened I was heart broken. Then I read an article by another blogger on how she handles the negative comments and emails: On a weekly basis she prints them all out and runs over them with her car. Over and over again. I decided to give it a try and I couldn't believe how empowered that little action made me feel. Now when I get those nasty emails, my skin is thick enough that I can just hit delete.

I have been the victim of cyber-bullying numerous times as well -- people writing nasty blog posts about me, ripping me to shreds in other people's blog comments or blog forums, as well as just stalking my blog and leaving nasty comments. In the past I just hunker down, surround myself with my closest friends and dig deep. I have found that it usually takes a week or so for the hurricane to move on and focus elsewhere.

It's happening again.

Only this time?

I am NOT going to back down.

I am fully aware of who the person is that is stalking my blog on an obscenely regular basis. The stupid emails have not ceased and this time I will not back down. I have asked numerous times for this person to stop... even going so far as to send a Cease and Desist Letter written by my Attorney Husband.

They have chosen to not desist, but rather increase their stalking. I am completely prepared to utilize any and every law avaliable to me to make this person leave me alone. I am ready and willing to pursue this the fullest extent of the law.

You have been warned.

Sunday Devotional

2012-01-08T12:00:00.000-07:00

I was in a focus group that helped refine this idea and I am absolutely thrilled with the final outcome.

The Hunger Games

2012-01-07T11:49:00.000-07:00

When I read this book the first time, I sat down on my couch and literally did not move until I finished it. It was griping and absolutely fantastic. It is one of those books that you think about for days afterwards. Only me? I couldn't stop thinking about it for weeks after I finished it.

Collins did such a fantastic job building up the horror of the games. She gives you just enough information in the book and then lets your imagination fill in the gaps. She understands that your imagination can create something much more disturbing than what she can with words. She does it brilliantly. She handles this tough subject perfectly, and again, lets the readers imagination run amuck.

I find the book to be a fascinating comparison with today's society that is frankly shocking. I freaking loved this book and this series is one of my all time favorites -- coming in a very close second to Harry Potter. Although the last book in the series left me feeling highly unsatisfied.

I am so excited to see this movie... especially after seeing the trailer and then hearing one of the songs from the movie.

Taylor Swift has done an amazing job with this song-- Safe & Sound. Its haunting and depicts the horror of the games, and yet the innocence of the children perfectly!

The internet is all a-buzz with who they think the song is written for... Some say its Katniss singing to Primrose as she sacrifices herself as the Tribute; Others say its regarding Peeta & Katniss' realtionship during the games. My thoughts as I heard it the first time was that this song was for Katniss & Rue. It just fits. Those two girls had a beautiful friendship and the song is haunting...

I speculate that this song will be played when Katniss is holding Rue as she dies.What do you think?

Random Randomness and Then Some Tunes

2011-12-30T14:37:00.000-07:00

“Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared” - Jack Handy

I hate scary movies. Like really hate them.

My family loves them.

How did I end up with a bunch of weirdos that like to get scared? ON PURPOSE?

I guess I'm just a giant scaredy-pant-boo-wah-baby because even Moxie can sit through this stuff and not get completely wigged out. Me? Not so much. And to be totally honest, it's not like we're over here watching Horror Flicks or anything. We're talking Goosebumps people.GOOSEBUMPS.

Yes. I totally get scared from Goosebumps.

Don't judge.

*****

Would it be completely sacrilegious if I told that I am freaking glad that Christmas Vacation ends this weekend and the kids are heading back to school on Monday?

Because I totally am.

I find myself being plagued by the boogity-boogity when I admit that little nugget, too. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids like crazy. "They are my world." They are also hell-bent on killing me. I am slowly drowning in a sea of their crap that is strung from one end of the house to other. Once they head back to school the house can stay clutter free for six hours a day while they are off enlightening their minds with french and algebra.

Truthfully, I have a hard time relating to women whose entire existence is to simply take care of their children. When I hear them talking about how much they love having all their kids at home with them (making messes) it does not compute. When they talk about how excited they are for summer, I find myself wondering what is wrong with me... because that thought brings on panic attacks. I just don't get it.

I don't, by any means, begrudge their lifestyle choice either. I just don't get it. I need that extra stimulation and frankly a reason to get up in the mornings. My kids home all day does not offer me the necessary umph to drag my sorry rear out of bed every morning. Getting them off to school? Me going to work? Yes. Those are the types of things that force me to get up in the morning. Everyone hanging out, making messes? Not so much.

Neither choice is more right than other they are just different ways of doing things.

*****

Portlandia.

Watch it.

You'll thank me later.

"you can put a bird on it and call it art!"

{ Snort.}

*****

Jefe and I have a little game that we like to play and it always starts the same way - with me sending him a text asking "when you coming home cause I don't know when", his response is always the same "I don't know when, but we'll get together then yeah. You know we'll have a good time then."

We then spend the next however long shooting obscure song lyrics back and forth at each other-- and the one that receives the text has to send back another line from the song. The more obscure the lyrics are the better.

The most recent ones we threw around?

Jefe: two trailer park girls go round the outside

Me: testing "attention please" feel the tension soon as someone mentions me."

{ name that song. ready. set. go.}

It's crazy fun.

I'm not really sure how it all morphed into what it has, but me likey. A lot.

*****
It's going to be a mellow New Years around these parts and I'm glad. We're gonna hunker down, watch stupid movies-- or maybe a Mt Everest Marathon-- eat bacon wrapped water chestnuts and ring in the new year as a family.

Should be loads of fun.

Unless the teenagers decide they need to do their own partying... then not so much.

Catch ya on the flip side, peeps!

Trip Through Your Wires - U2
Jails & Bombs - Amos Lee
#41 - Dave Matthews Band
With Or Without You - U2
Oxford Comma - Vampire Weekend
Just Like Heaven - The Watson Twins
No Such Thing - John Mayer
Spectrum - Florence & The Machines
Shake Down on Ninth Street - Ryan Adams
Baby Blue - Dave Matthews Band

Bonus: Bad Things - Jace Everett, True Blood Soundtrack

That One Time I Lost My Ever Loving Mind

2011-12-27T12:14:00.001-07:00

I almost didn't make it through the holidays.

Seriously. I was like *thisclose* to dying one night. Not because someone tried to punch me (that was my manager they punched) but because I lost it and went all Postal on a customer.

I did. I totally flipped right out. Hard.

I bit her head off, chewed it up and spit it out for breakfast. I nearly went back for seconds when the crazy zombie left me and I saw a ray a sanity shining brightly in the distance.

Most people tell you to walk towards the light, but me? I ran for it, people. RAN.

On Christmas Adam (December 23rd) I was pulling my 6th consecutive night shift when a lovely group of carolers showed up to serenade us.

Awww. That's so nice, right?

Not really.

It was nice for about five minutes-- which is how long it took them to finish their repertoire of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, We Wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday Baby Jesus.

(totally not kidding)

I would have been happy with the first run through... maybe even the third. But after an hour of their singing?

Not so much.

I was not feeling it.

Not one little bit.

I had visions of my high school choir teacher, Ms. J, dancing through my head waving her stubby little finger and pointing it heaven ward while screeching "You're flat. You Are Flat! SOMEONE IS FLAT!"

Then the key changes people. Oh My Word. THE KEY CHANGES.

They were not intended, but they happened. Every. Single. Measure. they were in a different key. And the harmonizing to Happy Birthday Baby Jesus? It made my inner wolf howl.

It was horrid and I had to stand right next to them. ALL NIGHT LONG.

They had parked their tiny little rears in the vestibule making the songs echo throughout the store. Every time someone came into the store -- or left-- they would start at the beginning of their repetoir and sing at the top of their ever loving off-key lungs.

Over and over again. Round and round we went. Rudolph; Merry Christmas; Happy Birthday Baby Jesus.

Off Key. Different Keys. AT THE SAME TIME.

Holy Cow. I was dying a slow and painful death. My eye twitch was in full blown twitch overload mode and no matter what I did I could not stop it from twitching. And there was nowhere I could go in the store to hide.

I actually offered to empty garbage and organize the dock just to get away from the noise.

I felt myself slipping into a sea of madness when some woman came through my line (which was 30 minutes long) and said "How fun! You get to listen to carolers!"

It was right then and there that I completely snapped.

"If they don't stop singing right this very second I'm going to go punch them all in the face because HOL. EEE. COW! THEY FREAKING SUCK!"

She just looked at me like I had completely lost my mind.

And lets be honest: I did.

I mean who freaks out about carolers? Uhh. Me. That's who.

I scared her, too.

Apparently A lot.

She left my line, went to the vestibule and whispered to the girls serenading us. They looked at me all horrified like, picked up their stuff and promptly left.

I felt guilty for about half a second until I heard the most beautiful sound ever: Silence.

Finally.

Peace and Quiet.

And that's where it happened. In the middle of the silence: My heart grew and I could feel myself starting to be all festive like. I knew it was true when I softly started to hum.

Happy Holidays, Peeps. We made it.

Random randomness and Then Some Tunes

2011-12-16T11:04:00.000-07:00

If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers it's gone, I think a good thing to do is to blame it on Santa Claus. - Jack Handy

I've been working the Night Shift six nights a week for the past six weeks and seriously people? It's doing two things to me: Killing me slowly. And feeding me with never ending stories of how insane and totally possessed people have become.

I kid you not.

I go to work every night wondering what crazy stupid things are going to happen and if we'll make it through a shift without the police being called or being threatened with bodily harm.

Yes. Bodily Harm.

I am seriously considering taking pepper spray to work with me from now until New Years when people become less possessed by Satan. Which, if you look closely, Satan and Santa have the same exact letters-- just in a different order.

Coincidence? I think not.

I will happily hold my pepper spray up as I greet each new customer "Can I interest you in a Schmoles Card tonight?" then when they start to get nasty and yell at me, one little puff will put them back in their place.

And I'll end up in jail.

Which would be safer than Schmoles during the holidays.

I have several stories in draft that I'm working on for your reading enjoyment that hopefully will be finished by this weekend.

Just remember employees have no control over the lines, people, and threatening to punch them in the face because the lines are TOO LONG is not a viable option. You just might find yourself being pepper-sprayed.

#justsayin

*****
I have realized there are some things that I know for sure are true and they will never change. Not in a million years. No matter how much I try.

1. I ~~hate~~ ~~despise~~ loathe The Christmas Shoes song with the passion of thousand burning suns. I also hate synthesizer Christmas Songs that have obnoxious echos in them.
2. Blinking, flashing, spastic Christmas lights on houses, trees -- inside or out-- make me want to lay down and have a grand mal seizure. Add it to synchronized music? I die.
3. Blow up Santa, Reindeer's, Snowmen or Penguins with scarfs are Just. Not. Right. And seeing them littering lawns make me want to punch people.
4. Pink Flamingos with Scarfs wrapped around them does not make them Christmas decorations. It makes them look more stupid than they were sans the scarfs.
5. My kids make me want to overlook all these irritants. Simply because they think they're cool. And it makes them laugh.

****
The other night I was chatting up a teenager at the register that was there with her Dad. Apparently they had been talking about schooling, because as they left my register the Dad said to his daughter "See? A college education is important. You don't want to end up working as a cashier at Schmoles do you?"

I know, right? I was floored, too.

I hollered out to them "I have a college education!"

The Dad looked horrified-- which he should be.

I mean, WHO in their right mind does that?

If I have learned one thing working at Schmoles its this: Too many people are willing to throw other people under the bus to make themselves feel better. You have no idea why a person is where they are-- be kind people. Be Kind. And, don't assume. Or use them as an example to teach your children because more than likely YOU'LL end up being the example and a more poignant teaching tool for your kids-- on how NOT to be.

Yeah. Think about that one.

*****
I haven't done any Christmas shopping yet. Not one ounce. Not one present. Not one single gift. Not even a single treat has graced my oven.

I feel like the Human version of The Grinch.

Here's hoping I can get it done this weekend. I woke up sick again this morning. It's all those freaking late nights at Schmoles, combined with customers threatening to knock me into next week because we're too crowded that's made me sick again.

I don't have time to be sick again.Or the energy.

Cross your fingers and toes I can pull it together long enough to buy some presents. That's my Christmas wish-- energy long enough to do the shopping at 1am.

*****
That's all she wrote this week.

Have a good week, and smile people. Espeically to those who are working in the stores. This time of year is brutal and it really makes a person question people, and their integrity. I can't believe how this holiday, which is really about Christ, has become such a glutenous holiday where people try to out-do each other. And can treat complete strangers who are helping them absolutely horrid, then turn around and tell their kids that some of the stuff they are buying is for the homeless shelter, because "We have to be nice to strangers." while berating you because they had to wait too long.

Not that it's ever happened to me. Or has it?

*****

Catch ya on the flipside, peeps.

Here's hoping I survive these last Nine Days.

Pray for me.

Silent Night - Mariah Carey
Rest - The Temper Traps
Bartender (Live) - Dave Matthews Band
Gone Away From Me - Ray LaMontagne
Daydreamer - Adele
Believe Me Baby, I Lied - Trisha Yearwood
I Will Survive - Cake
Oh - Dave Matthews Band
Closer To Love - Mat Kearney
Running To Stand Still - U2

Bonus: September - Earth, Wind & Fire

You Can't Fix Stupid

2011-12-08T08:53:00.001-07:00

The majority of my working years have been with the public in some sort of customer service capacity. For the most part I like working with people simply because I can chat with them. I love talking with people and I love the challenge of making a complete stranger laugh.

However, the years and years of working with the public has taught me one simple truth: You Can't Fix Stupid. And, boy howdy. People are stupid. And, not just stupid, but STOO-PID.

People have lost their ever-lovin' minds when it comes to questions. Now, I know the teachers out there are going to say "There's no such thing as a stupid question . . . " But, honey, I'm here to tell you that you're wrong. TOTALLY wrong.

There are stupid questions and I get asked them on a very. regular. basis.

Take for instance the lady who asked me -- while I was standing behind the cash register -- if I was working (never mind the lanyard AND giant name badge I had on). I quickly responded "Nope. I'm just waiting for the register to open so I can steal the money." Or the guy who asked me last night "Do you sell clothes here?" I looked at him and then did a Vanna White hand move across the store while replying "Nope. Only tires."

Or what about the snotty lady that walked in just as we made our announcement that we were closed, picked out an entire basket of clothes and the proceeded to ask if she could try them all on... "Would I mind not closing my register, waiting and letting her try them all on?"

My response?

"Yes I mind and No you can't. We're closed."

She looked horrified. But seriously? We WERE closed. Who does that? Answer: Someone who thinks they are entitled, that's who.

I roll my eyes so many times during my shifts that I'm actually worried that they're going to get stuck in the back of my head. Just like my mother warned. In my defense: I have to roll my eyes or else I pipe up with snarky comments that I'm worried will get me fired.

Like the quips I dished out on Black Friday to the people who were waiting in the 2.5 hour line at Schmoles. Granted. 2.5 hour lines totally blow, but that doesn't give you a right to be nasty, people.

Take, for instance, the man who tried to rip me a new one about how incompetent I was and that I wasn't hurrying the lines a long quickly enough... he kept going on and on about my inabilities, and the unprofessionalism of Schmoles... That's when I held up my hand to him and said "Seriously Dude? I do not get paid enough to be talked to like this."

Later that same night another lady went OFF on me about how long the lines were, and that "Wal-mart was working people through ten times faster than we were." I was sort of stunned into silence (such an odd feeling for me) because really? Wal-mart has twenty times the registers and is ten times bigger than Schmoles. I held back and simply smiled and said "I'm sorry. We're doing the best we can."

She piped up about how that wasn't good enough and maybe we should buy more registers for black Friday (what? who says that?). That's when I temporarily lost my mind and said "No one made you come shopping at 2am-- you could have stayed at home in bed. Like a normal person."

She responded resolutely with a hearty NO! She LOVED shopping Black Friday, it was just that our lines made her crazy. "You love shopping black Friday?" I said. "Huh. You could've fooled me."

I know. I should be fired.

Do not pass go - Fired.

Do not collect $200

You're F-I-R-E-D.

Fired.

But they won't. Not today anyway. Because truthfully? I say what everyone is thinking.

People are stupid.

And mean.

And act entitled.

Customers try to bully their way into getting what they want-- and are super rude and mean to employees in their quest for acquiring more stuff.

Pretty much every night I have to tell the manager "Listen. If someone complains about me and says that I was rude, here's what I said and why . . . "

Whenever I start the conversation out like this, the managers start to laugh and reply with variations of "Oh Boy. I can't wait to hear what you said this time".

Besides I am right.

I don't get paid enough to be treated like dirt.

No one does Be warned: I will call you on it.

And, if you ask me a stupid question? I'll totally give you a stupid answer.

Pinky Swear.

A Post About Nothing

2011-12-05T17:41:00.001-07:00

At my "job" last week, one of the people I was interviewing talked about how his blog was "about nothing" -- like Seinfeld.

I liked that thought a lot because it aptly describes my blog. It really IS a blog about nothing. Only not as popular as Seinfeld.

The things that people thought were touchy to discuss on Seinfeld, they did in veiled ways.

I've tried doing that, but frankly, I'm not as good at it as Seinfeld, so I'm left talking about silly things like SpongeBob and Celebrity Rehab. Which, isn't a bad thing, because those really are important things that I think about. A lot.

But, they aren't necessarily what has been consuming my thoughts for the past several months.

What has been consuming my thoughts is, as my friend Erin put it, not blog approved. And when what you really want to talk about isn't approved, you are left with nothing to blog about.

Hence the post about nothing.

I can exercise my writing muscles and try to write veiled posts about what I'm really thinking and feeling. Boy howdy that's hard. A good writer can write about something that is bothering them in a way that everyone can relate to-- and have those who are reading think that what is on your mind is the same as what's on theirs.

I don't think I have mastered that skill yet.

Life is actually really good right now. I feel like I should be knocking on wood every time I think that thought, too, because I'm just waiting for the next bomb to drop. Logically I know that isn't going to happen, but I've lived my life for the past elevenity-billion years with that mindset. It's a hard thought process to kick to the curb.

This past year has quite literally been one of the hardest years of my life. I have thought that in the past, but I can confidently say that THIS year is the big one. The life changer. Twenty-eleven kicked my trash. That's been the life changing year for me. Some of the crap from this year is not my fault, and some of it is. That's how life is, you know. A two way street. No one is completely innocent and until you can accept your role in how things are, nothing can change. Ever.

I feel like things are finally changing. For the better. And, boy howdy am I glad. It's exhausting trying to pretend all the time that life is good when in reality you feel like its been in the crapper.

But, that takes us away from the fact that this post is actually supposed to be about nothing. And that this nothing has the potential to be something that is amazeballs good.

Not So Wordless Wednesday - On Thursday

2011-12-01T17:35:00.001-07:00

I have this new gig that I am involved with, and while it's been sucking up a lot of my time, I have to say that I am crazy excited about it! And, Oh So Happy.

I spent the last two days filming for it and when I get the all clear, you peeps will be the first ones to get the low-down. Until then, here is a little sneak peek of what I've been up to.

And, yes thank you. I AM crazy funny! Here's my proof: I cracked Jay McFarland, from KSL Radio's The Browser up!

I also cracked myself up, too.

Me watching some pretty sweet Tech stuff. You can't see the tears, but there were tears. LOTS of tears!

Me chatting with Chup from the infamous Cjane Blog

and one of my newest favorite bloggers- Heather from Family Volley!

DeNae and I looking Swanky Hot.

Shut the front door!!

Brandon Mull (author of Fablehaven) put his arm around me!

ACK! I'm never taking another shower again.

At least until tomorrow that is!

The Most Wonderful Time of The Year?

2011-11-28T10:15:00.001-07:00

I sort of hate this time of year.

I do.

I really hate it. Like A lot.

Let me explain...

Moxie is a pretty easy going kid. She will sit at her desk next to mine and "work" as long as I need to work. She has baskets of old scrapbook paper, glue sticks, staplers and tape galore to entertain her. It's actually quite fun, because she'll start singing along with the music and frankly? The kid has pipes.

She knows all the words to Pump Up The Kicks, Someone Like You and I Gotta Feelin'. When the latter comes on, she actually has to get up into the window seat of the office and dance for me. It totally cracks me up-- this little three year old go-go dancer shakin' her bon bon for all the world to see.

Lately, however, she has been watching all sorts of "shows" on TV. I use that term loosely because really what she's watching are the friggin' toy commercials. If she could have 24 hours straight of toy commercials, the kid would be in hog heaven.

She'll come running into my office screaming "Mama! Come see! COME SEE!"

The first couple of times, I freaked out because she's never done that before. I went running to see what all the hysteria was about... The Barbie Princess Castle.

The next time it was because of a Team Umizoomi Christmas Special. IN TWO WEEKS.

The next time? Dora was celebrating Christmas with all her peeps, and Moxie wanted to go. Like G-O NOW.

There is no explaining to a three-year old the ins and outs of marketing and toy commercials. She just does. not. get it. At All.

So as long as the TV is on, I have to be prepared to be pulled to the Television to witness the beauty of every single toy commercial and Christmas show preview that is aired.

Every. Single. One.

All the live long day.

It's horribly painful.

I even went so far as to "break" the TV so that it wouldn't work and all she could do was hang with me and work her crafting magic. But, then she found the "me-rote" and away we went on the Merry-go-round ride of never ending Christmas commercials.

It's killing me, this magical time of year. If I have to hear one more time "Can I has that for my birthday? Will Santa bring it for my birthday?" I think I may go postal.

I just smile, nod and say "Yes. Santa will totally bring that for your birthday." And then walk away. Because really? How else do you stop the madness?

Just smile and nod, peeps. Smile and nod.

There's only twenty-eight more days of this toy madness.

The most wonderful time of the year? I think not. It blows, yo.

Cobwebs

2011-11-15T12:23:00.000-07:00

When I have pressing work items that need to be done, I procrastinate and clean my house. I clean like a crazed mad woman who is on a mission to rid the world of uncleanliness.

It's strange that I do that, with regards to my work, because when I have pressing items that need dealing with in my personal life? I retreat and hide. I stop cleaning. I stop cooking. I stop functioning. I stop being.

That has been me for the last eleven months -- Retreating and hiding from my personal life, hoping it would somehow just fix itself or go away. And as such, my life became littered with dirty cobwebs.

I suspect that everyone has cobwebs in their lives that need dealing with. Most people are probably very good about cleaning out the corners of their lives-- riding themselves of those obnoxious webs.

Others of us -- like me-- have a tendency to ignore the cobwebs until they have completely taken over and you can't see the windows for the doors.

I have spent the last three months trying to clean out my cobwebs, and it has been an arduous task. Sometimes I felt like throwing in the towel saying "I give up! These damn cobwebs win. They have conquered me and there is no hope for ever seeing the light of day." And then other times I catch a glimpse of sunlight, radiating through my cobwebs, and I can see that it is beautiful mess. Beautiful in a different way. Maybe even a better way.

My friend asked me recently why I hadn't been writing on my personal blog, and when I explained she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said "I understand. You have to clean out those cobwebs. It will be worth it in the end."

I know she's right. It's just really hard and a very dirty process-- getting all these damn cobwebs cleaned.

And, just when I think I have found them all, I turn around and find six more over the window of my soul that somehow I had missed before. And the process starts all over again. However, this time? I'm not giving up until I have cleaned every nook and cranny and purged those webs.

I realize that I will have to continually clean my nooks and cranny's to keep those pesky webs from popping back up. That's a new thought process for me and something I never realized before-- that I have to do continual, constant maintenance. If I had only realized that years ago, I could have saved a lot of time, energy and tears.

I look at my four little monsters and I desperately do not want them growing up with my cobweb mess.

I want them to get their own, dirty cob-web mess.

I want them to have learned from watching me and their Dad try to clean out our cobwebs and then translate that into skills for cleaning out their own mess ... when the time comes. Because it will. Of that I'm certain.

I am realizing more and more that its not ever a matter of if but when those pesky cobwebs show up. Everyone, at some point or another, has to deal with them or else they run the risk of losing everything. If my kids can see and learn how to effectively rid their lives of the unwanted webs now then they will be light years ahead of the rest of us.

And maybe they will be better equipped to teach their children how to effectively de-cobweb their lives without having to experience some of the pain that comes when you have to learn the process the hard way. One can only hope. It seems like it would be easier to learn this process when you have no other people depending on you rather than trying to navigate it with a family.

See that? It's me trying to look on the bright side of things.

During one of my darkest hours recently, my cute neighbor took this picture, posted it on Facebook and then called me to tell me about. I was occupied with the ugly cry when she called, so I let her call go to voice mail.

She had no idea the waters I had been navigating, or the demons I had been wrestling but her message was simple and directly from God: "I walked out in my garage this morning and I saw the most perfect rainbow going right over your house. I had the most peaceful feeling come over me, as if to say Everything is going to be alright, and I wanted you to know that."

I cried the ugly cry even harder as I listened to that message. Twice.

It was exactly what I needed to hear and to know -- that He was aware of the cleaning I had been doing and that He was on board with the decisions I had made. That was the gentle push forward that I needed to remember... Remember how to clean. How to cook. How to function. How to be.

And, we will be OK.

Of that I'm certain.

Procrastinators Unite

2011-11-09T11:38:00.002-07:00

Source: designeriphone.tumblr.com via Elisa @ on Pinterest

I have some pretty major things I have to get done.

Like Today.

They HAVE to be done.

And those things are causing me copious amounts of stress.

So instead of buckling down and just getting my shiz done, what do I do?

I play on Pandora, Facebook and Pinterest.

If that little poster is correct, then what does that say about me?

{sigh}

I guess I better buckle down and get my shiz together. The day's a wasting and I have to work tonight.

Oh. Wait.

I just saw the most amazeballs dress on pinterest that I I need to pin.

(i want it so bad for the show I'm taping next week).

Oh and this song?

Best song EVER!

I need to like it on Pandora.

And push it to Facebook.

THEN I'll get my work done.

Later.

'Gator.

Sponge Bob

2011-10-26T17:07:00.001-06:00

Someone was recently telling me how much they hated Sponge Bob Square Pants.

"He's evil. Awful. Gross."

Really? He's a cartoon. A CARTOON.

She was getting so exercised, explaining all the reasons why Sponge Bob needs to be boycotted.

Over a cartoon?

I don't get it.

Me?

I pink puffy purple sparkly heart LOVE Sponge Bob. He's freakin' hysterical. More often than not, I'll find myself mid giggle and realize I am the only person in the room watching this cartoon. And, I like it.

I listened to this lady bag on the evils of Sponge Bob and it made me want to slap her, and then stab my eyes out with hot needles.

Who gets so worked up about a cartoon that they want to launch a boycott?

{eye roll}

Then I realized something:

I just don't think I can be friends with someone who doesn't like Sponge Bob Square Pants.

He's funny. Like me.

I recited this conversation to Caroline and she said "Well. I can tell you TONS of reasons why Sponge Bob is the perfect role model for our kids"

(you can totally hear her saying that, can't you?)

1. He has a job (for hell's sake).
2. He is a loyal friend.
3. He never speaks mean to his friends.
4. He always try's to find the positive side of things.
5. He's a hard worker.
6. He's a helper. And a giver (that's two?)
7. He is super positive.
8. He's not afraid to try anything.
9. He's a good listener.
10. He loves his peeps.

And really? Aren't those just the basic life lessons that everyone wants their kids to learn? So what if they come in the form of a bright yellow sponge? Who also happens to be freaking funny?

It's all about having a sense of humor, I guess.

Or the lack there of.

And this my friends is why Caroline is one of my best friends and the crazy neighbor lady isn't.

Sponge Bob.

It's what real people watch.

My Autumnal Ritual

2011-10-06T08:30:00.000-06:00

Every year about this time I get this insatiable craving for country music. It's actually really bizarre because any other time of the year, that crooning makes my eye twitch kick into over drive. And yet when that cool breeze comes floating in and I see my mountains littered with color, I find myself hankering for Rascal Flatts, Carrie Underwood, Trisha Yearwood and Faith Hill.

I even have separate pre-set country stations in my car that are used ONLY in Autumn.

I add Pandora Stations at the end of September and by the beginning of November I have deleted them all, returning to my usual listening habits.

I have vivid memories of my college friends and I taking many a road trip in September and October, which makes me wonder if that is why I always listen to country this time of year? We made day trips to St George, Jackson Hole and even one time flew to Portland to see a friend and then drove all the way back to Utah-- listening to Country the entire way.

In October.

It could also be that during the Fall while Jefe was in Law School I would take the kids on weekly --usually daily-- drives or field trips. I didn't like to drive the country roads in the winter, so I would get my "fix" until the first snow fall, which was typically the first week of November. Then I would stay put for the long and dreary winter.

The cold weather makes me want to sing and honestly? My vocal chords seem to really dig these country tunes. They have deep, sultry sounds that my gravely voice can easily find the harmony to. I have my favorite ones that I've put on a disk and when I have a lot of errands to run or some distance to cover, I pull that baby out and sing to my hearts content.

For me, signing is cathartic. Healing almost. And, it makes me feel good. Alive even. A lot can happen in 3.5 minutes when you're singing a song. You're whole outlook can change in those few short minutes. That's the power of music.

Moxie has started crooning with me and it totally melts my heart. When I look in the rear-view mirror and see her sitting in her seat belting out the tunes it knocks me flat. Then add into the mix her copying my idiotic dance moves while we do our errands? I'm out cold. She is her mother's daughter, that's for sure.

Her Dad commented about how she was singing at the top of her lungs one time with him: "Not only does she sing every single song that comes on the radio, she also knows all the words and inflections, too. And her pitch? Dead on."

Yes. She is my child and that makes me feel all sorts of sparkly happy inside.