Crazyland: Tales From The Motherboard

A View of My Life Via Instagram

2013-06-17T10:13:00.003-06:00

I'm always getting teased that I take pictures of everything... my feet, my food, the clouds, my people... And, it's true. I do. I've always viewed my life with pictures and music and when I see something beautiful my inner voice actually says "Kodak Moment" and I capture that moment in my minds eye. Now that I have a camera phone that is actually AWESOME, I'm capturing the minutia of my life with photos. In a hundred years my people will be able look through my photos and be able to see my day to day life through my eyes.

Here's what I was seeing this past week.

My childhood friends and I get together once a week and let our kids play while we chat. In the summer you will find us at the local park where we set up shop for the better part of the day sharing food and laughter. In the winter we have a booth that we have adopted as our own at our local McDonald's and frankly get rather irritated when someone else has the audacity to sit in it.

We have been friends for over 30 years, and there is comfort in that. It's familiar, known. There's no pretending, because we know who each other has been, and who we currently are. We've seen each other at our very best, and at our very worst. We worked at the same place as teenagers and have a long, torrid history. At various times we have saved each other from ourselves and are always encouraging each other to try a little harder to be a little better. These old, dear friends of mine are a great source of comfort, wisdom and acceptance. They bring out the very best in me and always encourage me to be my best.
Women need women. Once you have had that real girlfriend friendship,
you are never willing to go without it again.

Just a little selfie from under a picnic table at Lagoon

Birthday Flowers from one of my dearest friends.

We've been friends since our first semester in College

where we endured Art History together.
They have sat on my desk and cheered me this past week as I worked

Pretty Sweet Sunrise

Thing 3 getting her groove on to One Direction while cruising in the jeep.

The town splash pad.

We discovered if you get there around 4:00

no one is there cause they're all packing up and heading home for dinner.

What have you been looking at this past week?
Follow me on Instagram and let's share!

Father's Day

2013-06-16T15:58:00.001-06:00

Happy Father's Day to all the dudes that I love.

I hope you have a groovy day and get an extra long nap.

Random Randomness and Then Some Tunes

2013-06-14T08:30:00.000-06:00

Summer is upon us here in Crazyland and we are embracing it like an old worn coat.The children are settling nicely into the routine of sleeping in late, which is delightful for me. I'm up hours before their little bodies start stirring. I've worked my shift for work, done a couple loads of laundry, loaded the dishwasher and sat on my porch watching the sun peak her nose over my mountains, gracing me with her warmth.

I love this time of year and all the bright cheery heat that it brings with it. When people are complaining that its too hot, I'm grinning and sunning myself like a fat old cat. I love the heat. I love the late, bright nights. I love the freedom and Gypsy life that the warmth brings to my life. It fits me. It fits me well.

If I could live anywhere in the world I would choose a place where we have one season: warm. All the other seasons are nice places to visit, but I want my home to be cozy warm. Year Round.

***

My favorite guilty pleasure right now is Zupa's Pina Colada Salad and Enchilada Soup. I could seriously eat there every day.

And, I did. Last week.

It's a little rough on the pocket book and so I have been on a quest to find the perfect imitation recipe and I think I may have found her. It seriously is a wonderful little salad that is light, refreshing and yet filling as well.

Pina Colada Salad

3 romaine lettuce hearts, chopped
2 large cans mandarin oranges, drained
1 large can pineapple tidbits, drained
1 red onion, diced
1 1/2 cups tortilla strips
3/4 cup crumbled feta cheese
3-4 chicken breasts, cooked, cooled & cubed
toasted coconut, optional

Toss all of the ingredients together in a large bowl or layer on a platter. Serve with Pina Colada Vinaigrette dressing.

PINA COLADA VINAIGRETTE

1/2 cup plus 2 TBSP sugar
1/3 cup mr. & mrs. T's pina colada drink mix
1/3 cup rice or apple cider vinegar- rice will make it more mild or
apple cider will make it stronger tasting
1/2 tsp. ginger powder
1 tsp. dry mustard
1/2 tsp. salt
1 1/4 cup vegetable oil

In a blender combine all ingredients except the oil. Blend well until light & frothy. With the blender still on, slowly add oil in a steady stream. Keep blending until the dressing is emulsified & thickened.

***
My kids decided to have a bake sale yesterday. They spent all morning in the kitchen while I was working creating their perfect master piece to then go outside and sell on the corner. They brought me a sample to taste and as I examined it I asked what it was. There response? Smore's on the Go.

Right?

I asked them where they got the recipe and they told me they made it up. Everyone likes smores, so they wanted to make some that you could grab from the freezer to eat ... on the go.

They had taken marshmallows, melted them and spread them on graham crackers. Then they melted chocolate chips -- except all we had was white chocolate chips and mint chocolate chips -- and drizzled that all over the cracker mixture.

Mint Chocolate chips used as a "smore" is not good, peeps. I'm just sayin'. Don't try it.

Maybe if they had used regular chocolate chips it would have tasted better. But I seriously gagged as I choked that "treat" down. I smiled, gave them a thumbs up and sent them out to the corner to sell their magic treats while I spit them out in garbage.

My kids. The consummate entrepreneurs. Every summer we go down this road, them brain storming various ways to make it rich.

Yesterday's earning? $1.50. From me.

Time to hit the drawing board again, girls.

***

That's all she wrote, peeps.

Catch ya on the flip side!

1.Feel It All Around - Washed Out
2. She Will Be Loved (acoustic) - Maroon 5
3. Stay (Live Wrigley Field) - Dave Matthews Band
4. Mother We Just Can't Get Enough - New Radicals
5.All Summer Long - Kid Rock
6. Ho Hey - Lumineers
7. If I Ain't Got You (Unplugged) - Alicia Keyes
8. Come Home - Ryan Adams
9. Steady As We Go (Live from Red Rocks) - Dave Matthews Band
10. I Will Follow (Live) - U2

Bonus: I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For (Live from Milan) - U2

On the Corner of Vulnerability and Shame

2013-06-13T05:39:00.000-06:00

During the wee hours of the morning while I am working, I try to use my time in useful ways. Like watching videos or reading trashy chick Lit. In the course of working this new shift (just a little over a month) I have prepared two Relief Society lessons, read four books and watched an entire season of Breaking Bad.

Yeah I know.

I've already seen all of the seasons of Breaking Bad.

Don't judge me.

However, this past week I have been watching Ted Talks in the morning while I "work".

My sister told me about Brene Brown several months ago. She has done extensive research into vulnerability, courage, worthiness and shame. As my sister talked to me about this woman and her ideas it felt like a whole new world was opening up to me. Feelings that I would have when I interacted with various people started to make sense and my world was being rocked. In a good way.

I needed to mull over the things she would tell me, and digest them little by little. I would go back and ask my sister more questions and she would encourage me to watch the videos and read her book. I'm not sure why it took me so long to actually sit down and watch them... probably because I had to actually sit down and watch them. And that takes time. And I had more pressing things to do, like read trashy chick lit and watch Breaking Bad.

Whatever. Don't Judge.

Yet, as I watched her first Ted Talk (the one above) I was floored. I kept having to pick my jaw up off the floor. It made so much sense. I was energized with the idea that something as simple as being willing to be vulnerable could, in fact, be the birth place to creativity, innovation and change.

I have struggled because it feels like my creativity has become stagnant, stuck, dead, dried up in the water, gone, gone baby GONE.

I miss her. My creative side. And, for the life of me I haven't been able to figure out where she has been hiding; However, as I watched the video I started to understand where she had been.

The ideas she teaches are fantastic and frankly Mind Blowing.

What really rocked my world and has had me thinking non-stop about how I parent and interact with others is the second video she did on Shame.

Shame.

It's such a dirty little word.

Shame.

It has a tendency to rule our lives, mixed in with a heavy helping of Guilt and Fear of Failing.

Fear of failing is very real thing and it can be paralyzing. I see it in my daughter who just graduated. She has been so worried about making the right choice, and then succeeding in that choice that she has failed to make any choice. The world views failure through the lens of shame, but in reality its not a bad thing to fail. Failing is good. It means you tried. It means you allowed yourself to be vulnerable and open. Some of the most successful people have failed. And failed big. But they didn't view that failure through the lens of shame. They viewed it through the lens of courage.

According to Brene Brown, shame is an epidemic in our culture. We embrace it and proudly wear it like a medal of honor. And it is killing us all slowly. Killing relationships. Killing creativity. Killing potential. Killing testimonies. Killing personal self worth. Killing people.

"Empathy is the antidote to shame. If you put shame in a petri dish it needs three things to grow exponentially: Secrecy, Silence and Judgement. If you put the same amount of shame in a petri dish and dose it with empathy it cannot survive. The two most powerful words when we are in struggle is "me too."

I know, right?

I heard it. That was your mind blowing, too, wasn't it?

How many times do we not tell people how we are really feeling because we are worried we will be judged? How many times when asked how we're doing, reply "I'm Ok." when in reality we feel like we're drowning? How many times do we shut down the vulnerable side of us and listen to our critics -- the worst one being yourself -- and embrace the words we are hearing in our head: who do you think you are? you're not good enough, you're not important, you're not smart enough, you can't do that, you're a loser and a failure?

By doing all that we are flaming the shame, allowing it to grow, take control of our lives, rule us and ruin us.

"The two most powerful words when we struggle are 'me too' " and by using those two little words, we take away the opportunity for shame to take root and grow. If we are going to find our way back to each other as a society vulnerability is the path. Its seductive to sit on the sideline, planning furiously how we will succeed. How we will accomplish our life goals, but not actually taking the plunge until "I'm ready." Or "financially secure." Or "have more money." Or whatever the excuse may be.

It's easier to let the shame wash over us and tell us we aren't "enough."

Telling people how you feel, or that you are struggling or that you need help isn't a sign of weakness but the most accurate measurement of courage.

Let me repeat that: Vulnerability is not a weakness, but the most accurate measurement of courage.

Courage people.

Being vulnerable and open with others means you have Courage. With a capital C.

All I want for the people I love is for them to dare greatly. To look that critic in the eye -- who is usually staring us back from the mirror-- and respond with "Who do I think I am? I am me and I am awesome. I can accomplish whatever I can dream."

Because they can. And so can you.

Watch the videos. I promise it will be the best forty minutes you will spend all week.

Even better than an episode of Breaking Bad.

Pinky Swear.

Moxie's Employment Plans

2013-06-12T10:13:00.000-06:00

Moxie goes through phase of favorites. For a long, LONG time her favorite movie was Ratatouille. Every day we'd have to watch it, and recite together the lines. Then we moved on to Tangled where we would have to dance and sing the parts.

I always had to be the wicked Step-Mother.

Weird.

Then it was the new and improved Muppets, except I could only sing softly because "this is MY show, Mom."

Now her latest obsession is "Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-Long Blog". It's a web show that was done by my two most favoritest actors ever -- Nathan Fillion and Neil Patrick Harris. Separately they are wonderful but put them together and its brilliance. Sheer brillance.

They go together like Peas and Carrots. Or Serenity and Firefly. Or award shows and Doogie Howser.

I love hearing her sing the songs and recite the lines of these two actors. Playing each part fantastically and even including the actions that the actors make. She insists that I sit with my nose glued to her while she performs it all for me.

Give it a watch and see if you don't fall madly in love, too. It was written by Joss Wheaton. And, it's sheer brilliance!

My favorite thing she has said:

Moxie: "Mom, when I grow up I want to be Dr. Horrible. And I'll freeze ray you and Dad and shrink ray the couch.

My work is done here.

A Week of Views

2013-06-10T09:51:00.000-06:00

Photography has always been something that I have dearly loved. I look at things and see things differently than most people, just because everything I look at has something interesting that you can photograph, some interesting way you can turn it into art.

I used to carry my gigantic DSLR camera around with me everywhere I went, with another littler one in my purse, however, since I started using an iPhone, I have found with each new phone that has come out, I haven't needed all the other cameras as much. Unless I'm wanting to really zoom in on something.

I have five folders of photography apps that I use when I'm fiddling around with my camera, with my most favorite being Instagram. I seriously dig that app. I was using it WAY before everyone else and their dog jumped on board. Back in "the olden days" when there was zero spam and it was full of actual photographs... amazing photographs that move you in ways that only good art can.

Now it has become a trendy brand-pushing, spamming machine and is losing the fun of seeing amazing photographers. And yet I still hang around, perusing what I can find to see if anything moves me to try new things.

I participate in a lot of the daily photography memes (# fmsphotoaday being the most popular) and its fun to see what happens in peoples lives on a daily basis. I am planning on taking these little gems that I am capturing and printing them out on a larger canvas to showcase the year in the lives of Crazyland.

Here's a view of last week:

Random Randomness and Then Some Tunes

2013-06-07T09:17:00.000-06:00


this picture has nothing to do with this post.

I think this is the first time in a very long time that I am not dreading the onset of summer. Usually by this time of year I am a giant ball of nerves because of the impending jail sentence of being designated Cruise Director for three months.

This year? Not so much.

I find myself thinking "Is it summer already? We have stuff to do, places to see!" For the first time in years I am excited to have all my people home, driving me insane and being lazy. I plan on drinking in every last drop because all too soon, this little nest of mine is going to be feeling rather empty. I have one little chick flapping her wings, readying herself to fly away.

That thought breaks my heart.

***
Years ago I wrote a first day of school post and had pictures that depicted the various stages of life I found myself in. Looking at the photos now, make my heart sad because I didn't realize at the time how accurate they truly were. "I will only know about their day what they choose to tell me." So true.

Thing 1 is graduating from High School today. She made it. She did it. She is entering the world of adulthood. She is more my equal than not now and while I love the idea of us transitioning into a new era of friendship and camaraderie, my heart aches for the days when she would crawl up on my lap and ask me to tickle her back so she could go to sleep. Now I only know about her what she chooses to tell me, and it is getting less and less information the older she gets -- which is as it should be -- and it makes my heart ache for the days of yore.

***
Thing 2 brought his girlfriend and another friend home from school with him yesterday. He texted me and asked me if I would go get them some pizza and frosty's. Of course I obliged. He has me wrapped around his little finger.

They hung out here, Thing 2, his girlfriend and his wing-man, for the most of the night. Once his wing-man left, and it was just the girlfriend and he on the couch, snuggling, watching The Hunchback of Notre Dame, I felt that familiar feeling. He felt comfortable enough with his family to bring his important people home for us to interact with. And, interact with the two little girls did. They pestered and played with him and his girlfriend most of the night.

I like this girl. She played with my little girls and treated them kindly. And, she brings out the best in my son. He was a kinder, more patient person while she was here. Granted, he was probably on his best behave (as Moxie calls it) trying to impress his girl, but to me that's a huge bonus.

I laid in my bed, listening to her laugh as she teased Thing 2 and the little girls and my heart swelled with joy. All that time and money we had spent in counseling has paid off. My people are happy to be home with their important people and that makes everything we have been through worthwhile.

I love my kids to pieces and hearing them play and interact together -- happily -- are some of the best sounds on the planet.

***
I had someone call into work the other day over the top pissed because they had booked a flight to Boston but somehow had ended up in Philadelphia.

I know, right??!

Truthfully, I had no idea how to respond to this person because how in the SAM HILL does one mistake the words Philadelphia for Boston? The airport codes are not similar at all.

I can't understand how: A) the boarding agent let them get on the wrong flight and B) how the customer did not realize they were boarding the wrong flight.

They say over and over again where the flight that is being boarded is going. How do you confuse Philadelphia for Boston?

Crack. That's how.
***

Jefe bought the kids and I season passes to Lagoon again this year. To say I am over the moon happy about that would be a huge understatement. I love that stupid place more than any sane adult should. There are two reasons why:

1. I spent half my childhood/teenage years at that place working and playing. I have so many fond memories of growing up and a large majority of them include Lagoon. In fact my Mom and I were talking the other day about how I never complained about going to work when I was a teenager, and I started working when I was fourteen years old. I loved my job(s) that I had at Lagoon. It was a wonderful place to work as a teenager. It offered me a social life along with money.

2. One of my favorite past times is people watching. I have no idea why but I seriously love watching people, seeing how they interact and how diverse the world is. It's fascinating to me to wonder what each persons story is, and sometimes (nerd alert) I find myself writing their stories in my head. Like the lady I saw crying the ugly cry at Disneyland. Who cry's at Disneyland? I had a fantastic tale I had woven as I stole glances at her while getting my Vanilla Diet Coke refilled. For the bajillionth time.

***
Speaking of Disneyland, I actually found myself looking at season passes for Disneyland the other day. Now that we can fly for free, I don't see any reason why we wouldn't hop on a plane and head to Disney for the day.

That could end up being WAY cooler than Lagoon.

***
Have I mentioned lately how much I love my job? Because peeps. I seriously don't just love it, I pink, sparkly, puffy heart LURVE it! I don't love getting up at 3:45am to be ready for calls at 4:00, but I DO love my end time of 10am. And I REALLY love working from home.

Like a lot.

I love walking upstairs on my break and being able to check on all my sleeping people. I love that when Moxie isn't feeling well, she comes and sets up her little nest under my desk and watches a movie on my iPad while I work.

I love being able to run up on my break and seeing if I can get the entire kitchen cleaned, which I can. My record? 12:49 seconds to load the dishwasher, wipe off all counters and sweep the floor. My kids are on crack telling me it takes an hour to clean the kitchen.

An hour if you load a dish and then send eighty texts maybe.

***
That's all she wrote.

Have a delightful weekend. I'll be over here in crazyland crying buckets at the High School Graduation. Then stuffing my face with some seriously good food.

Catch ya on the flip side!

1. Someday We'll Know - New Radicals
2. Set Fire to Rain - Adele
3. Hannah - Ray LaMontagne
4. If I Ain't Got You (Live) - Maroon 5
5. You Might Die Trying (Live Wrigley Field) - Dave Matthews Band
6. I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For (Live Milan) - U2
7. My Wish - Rascal Flatts
8. Keep It Lose, Keep It Tight - Amos Lee
9. She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5
10. SkyFall - Adele

Bonus: Come Pick Me Up - Ryan Adams

Random Randomness and then Some Tunes

2013-05-31T09:40:00.000-06:00

It's been a while since I posted one of my lists of what I've been doing/listening to lately. So here's what's been going on in my life:

1. Got a killer new job working for an airline. I went through a month of hellacious training. When I say hellacious I mean HELLACIOUS. It was stressful beyond belief and so freaking hard. Not because the information I was learning was hard, but it was basically boot camp for the airline -- strip your identity away and then rebuild you as a new and improved crew member. I seriously wondered what in the Sam-Hill I had gotten myself into. I loved every single minute that we were in class, but it was still the most stressed I have been in a long long time.

2. Got a killer promotion at my new job. That's right. I graduated from training and a wicked cool position came open in a support department and I decided to go for it. I went all ball busters on it and got the promotion which meant back to more training for me. Only this time the training was absolutely delightful. It was a completely different experience being trained in a support department verses the initial front-line training. I spent the day learning about destinations all over the world and which hotels are what and all the fun things there are to do in all the various destinations around the world. Basically I'm a Travel Agent for the airline and I dig it. I dig it hard.

3. Watched a ridiculous amount of indoor football. Thing 2 played on an indoor league this year and the kids on his team were all Sophomores in High School and BIG. My poor baby looked like a little midget next to these kids and I was terrified he was going to get squished. But the boy loved it. The older boys were super nice to him and pushed him harder than he has been pushed in a while. I saw some serious improvements in his confidence. Besides, it was super good for him to be exercising every day for two hours.

4. Watched a ridiculous amount of Soccer. Thing 3 was on two teams this spring - a rec team and a comp team. She has blossomed into this amazing Keeper who is willing to dive and sacrifice her body for the good of the team. She wears her keeper wounds like a trophy prize-- proudly showing all who will listen the various wounds and exactly how she got them. The comp team has been wonderful for her because its something that is just hers, and hers alone. And, she's good at it. Her self confidence has grown exponentially over this past season and its in large part because of Soccer.

5. Thing 1 is graduating from High School in one week. ONE WEEK my baby, who is not really my baby, is being set free into the big bad world. It's exciting for me see her growing up and she is terrified. As was I when I was her age. We are more alike than different, she and I and its fun to see how much further ahead in life she is than what I was at her age. She is starting her college career with over 30 college credits which is amazing to me. I started college with a buck-two-eighty-five in my pocket and not a clue in the world. She is worlds ahead of where I was her age.

She is a delightful child who has turned into a delightful young woman. I have thoroughly enjoyed these past couple of years with her-- she is smart and thoughtful and wise beyond her years. I am excited to see where the waves of life take this child of mine.

6. Moxie is giving me a run for my money. She says the funniest things on a rather regular basis and she thinks she is way older than what her small five years actually are. She graduated from Pre-school yesterday and I felt rather verklepmt. My two bookends are graduating and leaving my nest. I don't like it. Not one little bit. I have this photo of me with my kids and I'm reaching out for their hands... it's symbolic because I really feel once they head off to school I am only privy to what they choose to share with me.

I feel like the Dad in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and even though that's my favorite scene and I laugh like a crazy lunatic, my heart now breaks a little because I understand that cry on a much deeper level.

That's it peeps. That's me in a crazy nut shell. Now that my life is getting back to normal and I've got my life back I hope to be able to start squeezing out some more posts. Don't hold your breath, but there is hope.

Catch ya on the flip side!

1. Get Lucky - Daft Punk
2. Ho Hey - The Lumineers
3. Mirrors - Justin Timberlake
4. Just Give Me A Reason - Pink
5. Home - Phillip Phillips
6. Skyfall - Adele
7. How Am I Supposed to Be - The Watson Twins
8. Free Fallin' (Live) - John Mayer
9. Young Blood - The Naked and Famous
10: Keep It Loose, Keep It Tight - Amos Lee

Bonus: She Will Be Loved (Acoustic) - Maroon 5

Actual Conversation

2013-05-31T04:36:00.000-06:00

I carry my cell phone in my bra. Mostly because I kept losing it and it was easier to find if it was stuffed inside my bra. I could hear it ringing (or feel it vibrating) and "toilet incidents" decreased by over 100% when I started using my bra as my phone purse.

You KNOW I'm not the only chica that does this, too. Hell, they even sell bras with little pockets on the side of them so you have an even better, safer place to store your phone.

If it weren't so weird, I'd get me one of those.

Anyway, I work from home except for two days of the month when I drag myself into the office to work and attend various meetings. We have a fantastic little Deli at the office that I frequent WAY more than I should and I have developed a fun relationship with the employees there.

Me: {pulling my cellphone out of my bra purse}

Deli Dude: Nice Boob purse you got there.

Me: Uhhh, Thanks?

Deli Dude: No. Seriously.

Me: Well, you know you're just jealous cause you don't have one.

Deli Dude: Wanna know why girls are better than boys?

Me: Sure.

Deli Dude: {very serious now, holding up his fingers to count off the reasons} Boobs, Purses, Heels

Me: Ain't that the truth!

Crash! Bang! Boom!

2012-12-05T15:12:00.001-07:00

Thing 1, the 17 year old, wrecked the jeep on November 1st. We are still cleaning up the mess from that. It's been getting "fixed" since November 2 and as of today they still don't know when it will be done.

She is no worse for the wear. Other than a jacked up back and a mild case of anxiety. Thankfully they make herbs and oils for both ailments.

The jeep on the other hand? Well, it's seen better days.

The drive shaft, rear suspension, rear axle and 4-wheel drive were ruined. Along with the door, wheels and a plethora of other problems.

Apparently she has mad driving skills because everyone -- police, paramedics and towing company-- could not believe that she didn't roll that puppy.

Frankly, after hearing them all talk, I can't believe she didn't roll it either.

She said that she felt it go up on two wheels and the thought occurred to her that she was going to roll. Then the next thing she knew it felt like she was being yanked back down and she landed on the stop sign on the sidewalk.

I have my own theories as to what happened that morning and I thank the Lord constantly that the little stinker was protected.

As humans we have a tendency to hold grudges, be offended when no offense was meant and with hold forgiveness as a means of protecting ourselves. It's easy to get caught up in being angry and serving up our own version of Javert justice -- obsessed with proving that we are right -- that we neglect to see the amazing person Jean Valjean has become. Javert is only concerned with Justice, paying no mind to Mercy.

This accident reminded me of that principal. Accident's have a tendency to do that, don't you think? Remind you of what is truly important. It's not being right. It's not holding that grudge. It's the people that are in your life. It's forgivness. Its change and growth. That's what's important.

Proving that you're right is never the right way to be. It only sacrifices relationships and alienates people.

Thing 1 and I had argued that morning and I am eternally grateful that THAT wasn't the last memory I would have with my child.

"The Great Accident" of 2012 reminded me that the only thing that really matters in life are the people that are in it. Things are just that -- things.

Things don't matter. People do.

Dreams and Robbers

2012-10-30T10:40:00.000-06:00

The first thing you are taught when you are working with the public and money is "If you get robbed, give them everything they ask for. Don't panic. Don't be a hero. Remember everything."

That last part is easier said than done in the heat of the moment.

Unless you dreamed about it happening several weeks earlier. And then you remember everything with stunning clarity.

I had a dream that I was robbed at work. The dream was so real and vivid that when I woke up, I was in a total state of panic. My heart was thumping right out of my chest and my fight or flight instinct had kicked into high gear. I could remember every single thing that happened in the dream. The look on the mans face as he stormed through the doors, the tan pants and plain white wife-beater tank that he was wearing. He had a go-tee and walked with aggression.

In my dream I was absolutely terrified and I woke up with those same feelings pumping through my veins.

The next night at work, my friend came to me and said she'd had a dream about both last night. We were closing and a group of men tried to rob us.

I was stunned.

I sat riveted to every last word as she described in great detail the same type of dream that I'd had the night before. The man in her dream was dressed the same, but he had a posse of dudes with him. And hers ended a tad more violently than mine -- We got shot as they ran from the store.

We laughed it all off, but it was clear that we were both a little creeped out by the fact that we had both had similar dreams at the same time. Granted, minor details were different, but the subject was the same: We were robbed while we were working, right as the store closed.

For the next few nights, when we worked together we would joke about how we wondered if this was going to be the night all hell broke loose at Schmoles. We had talked through the dream scenarios several times, and discussed what we had done wrong in our dreams and what we "should have done" instead. Mostly we did joking with each other and to figure out how we could avoid being shot, which was what happened in my friends dream.

Several weeks after the dream's had occured (and we had stopped talking about them) I was closing the registers. The store was closed, but the doors hadn't been locked yet. I had the register open and was facing the window, counting it down when I heard the door open.

I glanced up and instantly knew what was happening.

A man with a go-tee dressed in tan pants and a white wife beater tank top was storming aggressively toward me. I pushed the register closed and stared at him.

I felt my heart sink and a lump form in my throat. I didn't just feel fear, I felt terror and it was pulsing through every inch of my body.

He snarled "You open?" as he aggressively approached me.

I was shaking because this was the point where he pulled the gun and demanded all of our money. If my friends dream scenario was followed, I would turn around and his posse would be behind me and someone was getting shot.

I looked him in the eye and slightly shook my head as I said "No. We're closed."

Then something different happened. The man deviated from both the dreams we'd had.

He stopped dead in his tracks.

He looked at me. Then past me, Then at me again.

Then he turned around and left the store.

I sat there shaking, trying to get control. My friend who'd had the dream about us was working that night with me.

In her dream it was a Wednesday night.

This was a Wednesday night.

Coincidence?

Maybe.

I honestly don't know what to make of it.

Was God warning us of something that might have happened?

Or was it all just a spooky coincidence?

I really don't know.

All I know is that it felt like something. And it felt like when he looked at me, he saw me something and that something changed his mind... changed him.

Whatever it was that happened -- a warning, or a coincidence -- I'm glad it turned out differently than both of our dreams. There are lessons to be learned from this, and I am sure tons of symbolism. The biggest being situations and circumstances can and are re-written instantaneously all the time. And when they are? Maybe its because God prompted a different choice to be made.

Wordless Wednesday

2012-10-17T09:00:00.000-06:00

Taken with my iPhone

No editing or filters used

Time

2012-10-16T05:24:00.003-06:00

About ten years ago, I had a falling out with one of my friends.

It was nothing exotic -- there was no fighting, no yelling or even hurt feelings involved -- we merely "grew apart".

This friend and I had met at a local scrap-booking store and we hit it off fantastically. She worked there and I would arrange to go to the midnight scraps she hosted because I knew it would be a night of laughter and release. We had a great friendship and I really liked this person.

She lived several towns away from where I was living at the time, and because of that, moving the friendship to "the next level" required work. I was young and inexperienced in the art of friendship making (and keeping).

This friend invited me over to her home. A lot.

And at first, I went. A lot.

And then slowly, I started finding excuses as to why I couldn't make our scheduled play dates. I really liked this person, but it was work and frankly I was lazy. And selfish. Candidly, I didn't even realize that I was pulling away until she started calling me asking me why I wasn't returning her phone calls anymore or not coming to our Midnight Scraps anymore.

I started giving her the standard excuses: "I'm super busy and I've got no time for myself anymore. My family, kids, church calling and job are sucking me dry. I'm just barely hanging on here."

And that was true.

I was in the RS Presidency at the time, I was working 30 hours a week at Schmoles. I was busy. My marriage was running a little rough, my kids were being kids and I felt like I was drowning. My natural instinct was to cut out things that were work, or took too much effort.

In doing that, I cut out a person who was my advocate. My biggest cheerleader. My friend.

A year or so later I got a letter in the mail from her telling me how sad, hurt and angry she had been with me. She didn't understand what she had done to ruin our friendship or why I had cut her out of my life. She understood that people can change and grow -- not be "compatible" any more -- and if that had been the case, she wished I would have just told her. She explained that she had spent an exorbitant amount of time trying to figure out what she had done wrong. She missed our friendship and couldn't understand what was wrong with her and why I wouldn't be her friend any longer."

My response?

"No! No! No! That's not the case at all! I do like you (which I truly did! She is a wonderful person and a blast to be around) I've just been so crazy busy that I haven't had time for anything or anyone. It's not you, it's me! You are a wonderful person and I do consider you my friend. I've just had no time."

And there they were: The time excuse. The too busy excuse. The family is sucking me dry excuse. The job is taking all my time excuse. The excuses.

We've all used those phrases a million and one times. But, really? All they are is an excuse. An easier way for us to say "You weren't a priority to me."

Think on that for a second while I tell you another story.

I had another friend who called me recently to tell me that she was feeling bad about our friendship. When I started offering her my standard "I've been super, crazy busy! I hardly have time to think! My kids are being emotional vampires and I am working like crazy!"

She listened nicely to me, and then said: "What you are really saying is that I am not a priority to you. Because Elisa we all have the same amount of time in the day, and we find the time to accomplish the tasks, or be with the people who are Priorities. I am not one of your priorities."

I was stunned.

How could she say that? Of course she was a priority, and when she called me on it and characterized our lack of interaction so boldly, it hurt. A lot.

However, she was right.

She hadn't been a priority.

When we say we "haven't had time" or "I've been crazy busy with X, Y and Z" what we are really saying is it wasn't a priority to me.

I say it to people all the time when they quiz me about how I am able to be involved with all the things I am. They essentially are giving me a compulsult -- a compliment that was really intended as an insult -- when they say they have "no idea how you find the time to be involved with all the things you're involved with. They can barely keep up on the laundry!"

My response is always the same: "You find the time to do the things that are important to you. If it's important enough to you, you will find the time to do it. It becomes a priority."

Priorities. That's really what all those excuses are about. They just weren't a priority.

People change and grow. Friendships change and grow. However, if you are a true friend, we make time for one another. We find the time for the things that are important to us: Our families and our friends should be priorities. People should be priorities.

Think about that the next time you find yourself responding with the standard "I didn't have time to get it done" response. What you are really saying is that task, that request, that person wasn't a priority.

Every time I have found myself saying "I didn't have time . . . " I have thought to myself "what I am really saying is it's not a priority to me." When I phrase it like that, it sounds selfish. That simple change in phraseology causes me to stop and evaluate the situation and circumstances. More often than not, I am the one that has the priorities out of whack. I need re-focusing.

I should never be too busy for my family or my friends. If that is the case, then I have some adjustment to do. In the final analysis, all I have when I leave this life are the relationships I have made and nurtured. And that nurturing takes work, effort and time.

And time? That is something we all have plenty of . . . if it's a priority.

My Autumnal Ritual

2012-09-10T08:30:00.000-06:00

Every year about this time I get this insatiable craving for country music. It's actually really bizarre because any other time of the year, that crooning makes my eye twitch kick into over drive. And yet when that cool breeze comes floating in and I see my mountains littered with color, I find myself hankering for Rascal Flatts, Carrie Underwood, Trisha Yearwood and Faith Hill.

I even have separate pre-set country stations in my car that are used ONLY in Autumn.

I add Pandora Stations at the end of September and by the beginning of November I have deleted them all, returning to my usual listening habits.

I have vivid memories of my college friends and I taking many a road trip in September and October, which makes me wonder if that is why I always listen to country this time of year? We made day trips to St George, Jackson Hole and even one time flew to Portland to see a friend and then drove all the way back to Utah-- listening to Country the entire way.

In October.

It could also be that during the Fall while Jefe was in Law School I would take the kids on weekly --usually daily-- drives or "field trips." I didn't like to drive the country roads in the winter, so I would get my "fix" until the first snow fall, which was typically the first week of November. Then I would stay put for the long and dreary winter.

The cold weather makes me want to sing and honestly? My vocal chords seem to really dig these country tunes. They have deep, sultry sounds that my gravely voice can easily find the harmony to. I have my favorite ones that I've put on a disk and when I have a lot of errands to run or some distance to cover, I pull that baby out and sing to my hearts content.

For me, signing is cathartic. Healing almost. And, it makes me feel good. Alive even. A lot can happen in three and half minutes when you're singing a song. You're whole outlook can change in those few short minutes. That's the power of music.

Moxie has started crooning with me and it totally melts my heart. When I look in the rear-view mirror and see her sitting in her seat, belting out the tunes it knocks me flat. Then add into the mix her copying my idiotic dance moves while we do our errands? I'm out cold. She is her mother's daughter, that's for sure.

Her Dad commented about how she was singing at the top of her lungs one time with him: "Not only does she sing every single song that comes on the radio, she also knows all the words and inflections, too. And her pitch? It's dead on."

Yes. She is my child and that makes me feel all sorts of sparkly, gooey, fou-fou happy inside.

*Pulled from the archives. Originally published on October 6, 2011

Random Randomness and Then Some Tunes

2012-08-03T14:00:00.000-06:00

"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age."

- Lucille Ball

My sons football coach was astounded last night when I told him I was Forty-One. I've known the man for several years, and honestly my age has never come up. When I told him that I was a Forty-Year old woman so OF COURSE I knew more about football than my son did. He gasped.

Hearing his gasp, I begin rapidly explaining how I really DID know a lot about football.

All he heard was forty-one.

He was shocked and actually argued with me that I couldn't be that old.

I was all "Dude. I have a seventeen year old! I was not a baby-mama! How old did you think I was?"

When he told me that he thought I was no more than thirty-five I may have said: "You have totally made my day and I just may have to kiss you now."

I didn't. Cause that would've been gross. And weird.

But I wanted to.

I don't look forty-one, yo.

Them's magic words right there.

***
I have been thoroughly enjoying this summer. The bohemian, gypsy lifestyle has meshed into my soul rather nicely. I haven't felt this relaxed and safe in YEARS people.

It's a good feeling, yo.

I have read more books in the past month than I have in the past two years and it has been delightfully wonderful. I have re-connected with old friends that have I missed and I am enjoying LIVING my life.

It's funny, you can get so caught up in social media and blogging that you can actually forget to LIVE your life. We write about all the things we're doing, read about all the things other people are doing, but the danger is when you get so caught up in what's happening in the Internets that you stop interacting with your peeps and interact more with the peeps inside your computer/phones.

I'm living life to it's fullest right now and it is delightfully wonderful. For the first time in YEARS I am actually not looking forward to all my people going back to school. We are all getting along so well (thank you to our awesome family counselor) that not having them all around will make me miss them. Sure my house will be quiet and clean most of the day, but I do enjoy the friendly banter and the way our family interacts with each other now.

It's a good thing, peeps. It's a very good thing.

***

Football season has started again. Oh my word peeps. I am in hog heaven.

This time of year makes me giddy with joy. I love football. I love that my son plays football and I love that we are a football family.

I love sitting at football practice watching the boys work. I love hearing them crash their pads into each other and seeing them push themselves a little harder to be a little better. This game is a game that teaches boys so much more than just football. It teaches them about teamwork, loyalty, and unity.

I never thought I would be a crazy football mom. But I am. And boy-howdy do I ever love it. Every single freaking second of it. I love it. I love how this sport is teaching my son more about the game of life than I ever could. He is learning that sometimes even though you work really hard, you get disappointments, but you pick yourself up by your boot straps and you carry on. You make the best of each and every play. Work your hardest, do your best and you can hold your head high, no matter what the outcome.

Life isn't a solo game, it's a team game -- it's the big game. And football is teaching him how to work with a team, be loyal and how to never give up. Not Ever.

I love how this sport is turning my boy into a man.

*****

I really like how this show turned out! We talked about social media (hobbies) and how that affects our marriages. It's all a delicate balance and it can be done, peeps. It can. This one turned out really great and I love the conversations that happened during the podcast.

Click over and listen to the podcast.

It has Cjanes husband in it and my favorite blogger Heather Johnson, who has the best job on the planet, yo. She is a professor and teaches her students how to have successful families and marriages. Something that I'm super passionate about right now.

Check it and love it. Love it real hard.

***

That's it for my randomness this week, peeps. I'm busy having the time of my life with my kids and Jefe. We've got plans. Big ones. And we're gonna be living them to the fullest.

Take care and catch you on the flip side.

Goodnight Hollywood Blvd - Ryan Adams
Romeo & Juliet - Dire Straits
Ohio (Live at Massey Hall) - Neil Young
How Do You Keep Love Alive - Ryan Adams & The Cardinals
Ain't No Reason - Brett Dennen
Keeping Me Awake - Tarkio
Fade Into You - Mazzy Star
Boys of Fall - Kenny Chesney
Everybody Wants To Rule the World - Tears for Fears
Mercy - Dave Matthews Band

Bonus: You Lie - The Band Perry

Watching the World Pass By

2012-07-25T22:01:00.000-06:00

I have this tacky camping chair that I like to sit in on my driveway to think and watch the world float by. I can face the mountains and watch the sunset reflect off them, turning them various shades of pink and purple. I understand that phrase "Purple Mountains Majesty." It is a beautiful site.

The clouds started turning and moving-- doing an exotic dance that was entrancing and seemed to be only for me. I could hear them moaning and churning as they danced and if I listened carefully I could hear the low rumble of thunder trying to break free.

Slowly the wind met with the leaves in the trees and they started their familiar dance, singing a beautiful song. The sounds and sites were hypnotic as I sat in my chair listening to the world around me.

I listened to the distant crackle, pop and boom of fireworks while the wind and trees continued their dance. It would crescendo and decrescendo in such a mesmerizing way. I couldn't tear my eyes from the giant trees across the street. They swayed perfectly to the unheard song of their dance. It was if they were marrying themselves to each other over and over again and at the exact perfect moment, the sky exploded in a sea of color-- blues, greens, reds and yellows-- the perfect culmination of this forbidden dance of the wind and trees.

Then the rain slowly descended. It was refreshing, that smell from the rain, and it felt clean. I sat there and let the rain pour down on me as I continued to listen and watch the forbidden dance of the trees and watch the firework display in front of me. It was a perfect moment.

It was calming watching the world-- changing, growing, moving-- being cleansed and given a chance to start fresh. I love watching storms come creeping over my little piece of the world. It reminds me that I always have a new day and a fresh start.

Just like that, I can let go of my past, forgive myself and move forward. There is always a new beginning just around the corner.

*pulled from the archives. Originally published on July 25, 2011

Random randomness and Then Some tunes

2012-07-20T11:00:00.000-06:00

When this song comes on, I just can't help myself. I have to dance. And, not dancing? Well, that just makes the need to dance worse. There's something about that opening that just makes me start bopping my head to the side and once those trumpets start? I'm a goner. I'm swinging my booty and rocking to the beat. It doesn't matter where I am, when I hear that familiar refrain? It's all down hill from there people.

This song makes me feel awesome and want to do awesome things. I suppose its effect on me could be compared to be like those who drink alcohol. It takes away my inhibitions and I just don't care. I know I look like a lunatic dancing in the empty parking lot (or Walmart) but I just don't care. The beat calls to me and I can't help myself. Must. Dance. Now. Even after the final refrain has finished I often times find myself still swain' to the melody because it just makes me feel so dang good.

---

I have eclectic groups of friends. If you have a fun sense of humor and can banter back and forth with me then I can pretty much guarantee that you and I will be friends. Each group fills a need and I couldn't imagine my life without all of these amazing friendships, support and camaraderie that I feel with them. I love how accepting they are of each other and the lifestyle choices we have each individually made. I also love the fact that my friends challenge each other to do better and be better.

I had dinner last night with one such group of friends and it was so fun to sit, listen and laugh our heads off. We talked about crazy stuff and our conversations jumped from "So I was stuck in the bathroom stall and I couldn't get out ..." to us discussing heavy problems and challenges. The conversation was all over the board and we were teasing and encouraging each other to move forward and NOT accept the status quo as acceptable. While we live different styles of life, at the core we love each other and want what is genuinely best for each other and for each of us to be happy.

Isn't that what a real friendship is about? Just wanting your friend to be successful and happy?

eekk. i look like i'm on crack

---

I have been mulling something around in my brain for a while now and I want to throw it out into the universe for someone to catch and expound on.

Why is it that Anti-Mormon Rhetoric is the last acceptable form of bigotry and prejudice?

Think about that.

When people make comments about Blacks, Hispanics, Gays, Jews or Native Americans that are derogatory we are called on the carpet, called bigots and told that we are prejudice.

Hate speech of any kind towards other races, religions or cultures are not accepted or tolerated.

Except when it's Mormon rhetoric.

Then everyone laughs, slings some mud and then turns and ignores it.

It's OK to be a bigot and prejudiced against Mormons? Why?

I could no more get away with saying every southern person is racist pig or that all black people are thugs, Hispanics are all drug dealers and Jews are all cheap; Lesbians are angry men haters and Gays are all effeminate. Making fun of Jewish culture is out of bounds and mocking the Italians will get you whacked.

(see what I did there?)

Anti-Mormon Rhetoric is not only tolerated, it's accepted.

We claim to be such a civilized culture. Yet, are we really?

Throughout history there has always been a need for society to have a group of people to scorn and mock.

Think about it.

Egypt held captive the Jews. Whites and Native Americans. Whites and Blacks. Whites and Hispanics. Germany and Jews. The world as a whole and Germany. Heterosexuals and Homosexuals. Always, there has been a scape-goat. Some group of people that we as a society have used to whip, mock and torment. To be prejudiced and bigoted toward.

As a society, we really haven't changed. Not one little bit. I find myself wondering if we truly ever will change or if this is just how it goes... claiming to be a civilized society that is accepting of everyones religious, political and sexual orientations.

Except for them.

You can say whatever you want about them. They are free-game.

Don't ever talk or act like that about any of these groups of people, but them? Go for it.

Don't all of these groups of people who have experienced the bigoted rhetoric see the irony?

Why is Anti-Mormon rhetoric not only tolerated but accepted?

WHY?

Bigotry and prejudice of any kind is not OK. Ever. Period.

---

Riddle me this Bat Man: Why did I wait so long to drink the Koolaid that is Breaking Bad?

Good gravy! That is a good show!

It's Jefe's favorite show and he's been talking about how awesome it is for years. I decided last weekend when I was laying around sick that I would give it a whirl.

I got stuck in a Breaking Bad time-loop and I couldn't get out. Before I knew what had happened I had watched 24 episodes. TWENTY-FOUR. Twenty-four episodes people. That's like 24 hours of TV.

I just couldn't stop myself.

It's amazing TV. Watching it so fast is fascinating because you see the decline of Walter White who starts out morally good. He's this timid High School Chemistry teacher and he just wants to do what is very best for his family. And, through a series of events you can see him slowly decline into pure evil.

It's been said that one specific choice can set your path in motion and it's fascinating to see the specific choice that Walter White makes and then consequently how multiple smaller choices catapult him to where he currently is: The creepy, scary dude who comes banging on your door in the middle of the night. With a gun.

---

I may have gotten locked in a bathroom stall last night at the place I was eating dinner. And, I may have rattled the door and considered talking to the person in the stall next to me begging for help. Then I may have considered texting my friends who were still eating and begging them to come and help me. Because HELLO! I WAS STUCK IN THE BATHROOM STALL AND I COULDN'T GET OUT!

And I may have started panicking a little and started rattling the door sort of hard in a desperate effort to get out and in that desperate effort finally yanked the door open and nearly fall back into the toilet.

Then while I am washing my hands and giggling hysterically I may have done a spastic weird dance in front of the paper towel dispenser because the paper towels would only come out 1/2 inch at a time.

And then I may have looked back to see that the bathroom was full of people waiting in line, watching me wide-eyed. And laughing at me.

Or not.

---

That's it for me this week. I'm fixin' to sit in the sun by the pool all weekend long. I have a good book that is calling my name and desperately needs my attention.

Take it easy and I'll catch you on the flip side!

1. Put the Phone Down - Wooden Bones

2. Any Other Name - Thomas Newman

3. Talk - Coldplay

4. Picture (featuring Sheryl Crow) - Kid Rock

5. Be Here Now - Ray LaMontagne

6. Black or White - Michael Jackson

7. Stars - Grace Potter & the nocturnals

8. One - U2

9. Deep Draw - Genuine

10. If You Leave - OMD

Bonus: Come Home - Ryan Adams

Hello My Pretties

2012-07-18T09:41:00.000-06:00

At the beginning of every summer I feel mounds of trepidation. I get used to the schedule and consistency that the school year brings -- Up and going every day by a certain time. Dishes and dinner done every morning with the house all shiny and clean. Routine is my comfortable old worn coat and it makes me feel safe and secure.

Summer means the end of that blessed schedule and we all turn into free stylin' gypsies.

We have migrated into our gypsy lifestyle rather seamlessly this year. We've stayed up late and slept in. We've had cheesecake for breakfast and omelets for dinner. We've spent our days next to the pool and our nights riding the Merry-Go-Round. We've caught ourselves up on our favorite TV shows, watched the latest blockbuster movies and read a library full of books. We've taken nightly walks around the neighborhood and have a worn path that is a friendly reminder of where we've been and how far we've come.

It's simply perfect.

I forget every year that when it's all said and done and the transformation is complete this Gypsy lifestyle fits me rather nicely. Taking that first drink of Koolaid is scary but once I do I remember how much I love it and how liberating this lifestyle really is.

With the metamorphosis complete, I find myself taking a deep breath and saying "This. THIS right here is the life" and that familiar feeling of peace slides over me and I recognize it. My old worn coat has returned.

Life is good. Summer is good. We're good.

The TeXt Files

2012-06-06T14:17:00.000-06:00

Here's my most recent conversation { inspired by this.} with my 16 yro daughter and I think it's probably my most favorite teXting conversation.

EVER.

It's best read OUT LOUD.

pinky swear.

you need to read it out loud.

And, don't blame me if you spew Diet Coke.

--

Me: How did Moses make his tea?

Me: Hebrews it.

Thing 1: Wow. That's so funny I forgot to laugh.

Me: Now. Now. Don't be Russian around being a hater!

Thing 1: I was trying so hard to think of something punny to say that Iran into a door.

Me: I Caanan tell a lie: That Made Me Snort.

Thing1: Well, that's what French-ip is all about.

Me: You Turkey.

Thing 1: Ha Ha. I'm Hungary. What's for dinner?

Me: Chile.

Thing 1: I think I might Peru-se the library before I come home today

Me: Now you're Babylon

Thing 1: Sorry. I thought I'd Czech with you to make sure it was Okay

Me: Maybe you need to Persia your bag first. You know. To make room for more crap.

Thing 1: I China get irritated but I think you just insulted my organizational skills.

Me: Irish you could see how hard I laughing.

Thing 1: Iraq my brain so hard every time people start one of these conversations with me and it always gives me a headache.

Me: So what you're saying is I'm Ghana win?

Thing 1: Nether... lands.

Me: Jamaica me crazy, girl.

Me: Kenya say: Mom's rule and Thing 1's drool?

Me: Oman. I'm on a roll!

Me: Should I give you Samoa?

Thing 1: Oman. That is quite possibly the most inaccurate statement ever.

Me: Uganda give me credit . . . And you can't use the same one twice.

Thing 1: NOT COOL. Gabon Man. You stole mine!

Me: {evil laugh} Yemen. I rule. You drool.

Thing 1: Laos - er. You're doing multiple at once. The world is only so big.

Me: Geeze. Quit having a Macau.

Thing 1: Just come get me, okay?

Me: Kuwait for me outside.

---
You're Welcome and Have a Nice Day.

Ear Candy

2012-06-06T13:07:00.000-06:00

My new addiction is Live from Daryl's House. It's real, authentic music played by musicians who are just jammin', having a good time and I can't get enough of it. I made a playlist of all my favorites from his 40+ episodes and it streams while I work.

I'm in hog singing heaven, people.

Srsly. Turn up your speakers. Close your eyes. I triple-dog-dare you to not start swayin'. Or dancing. Once the moves have been busted out, the words will beg you to be belted out. Singing along to these familiar tunes is medicine for the soul and will cure any bad mood. Or sad idea. Trust me.

Confessions of a Self Narker

2012-05-24T11:42:00.006-06:00

I hope you have your spoonful of Nutella and your Diet Coke (with the good ice) handy because I have a story to tell you. It's a good story-- maybe even a funny story-- but mostly it's a story that showed me who, at the core, I really am.

A Self Narker.

It's true.

I am a total self narker.

I can try my hardest to be dishonest, but it starts gnawing at me. Right there at the back of my brain and it gnaws and gnaws until I can't stand it and I nark myself out.

Always.

It eats at me until I have to come clean.

Big stuff and little stuff. I just can't do it. It eats at me until I just can't stand it anymore and I blurt it out and I have to come clean.

Jiminy Cricket would be so proud of me.

I have a very healthy conscience and at times I think it works overtime.

Take for instance when I was at work the other night. A yellow bracelet that I was jonesing for hard core was on sale and I had a coupon and store credit. I also found a jacket (cause I was freezing) that I planned on buying on my break.

I bought the items and I wanted to wear them the rest of the night so I proceeded to show the other employees my receipt so they wouldn't think I had stolen them. They all looked at me as if I was crack.

One of my co-workers looked at me funny and said "I would never think that you stole that, Elisa. I trust you."

The manager laughed at me and said "I trust you Elisa. I know you wouldn't steal."

They both said the same thing and I never wanted to give them a reason to not trust me. So I showed them all the receipt anyway.

That's important to me, people being able to trust me. I am a trustworthy person and I never want to anything to make people not be able to trust me.

Now to the point of this post.

I went shopping unexpectedly yesterday. Jefe left his laptop at home and so I happily volunteered to take it to him.

Hello. He works next to City Creek. Why wouldn't I want to take him his laptop? I could love on him for a few minutes and then I could happily wander the shops. Which is my new favorite past time. Maybe I could finally buy those aqua and orange pants that I have been wanting.

Once the eagle had landed and the package was secure, Moxie and I headed out on our adventure. We played on the playground. We counted the trout in the pond and creek. We went into every. single. store. kid and mommy alike and we shared an awesome almond vanilla steamer from the Nordstroms E-bar.

It was an afternoon filled with sheer nirvana.

I admired the colored skinny jeans and Moxie hung out at the jewelry section. It was a shopping companionship made in heaven! She would tell me what necklaces I should buy that would match my pants and I would buy her lip gloss and feather hair bands.

When we finally got to our intended destination, I was elated to find that both colors of pants I wanted were there. I immediately started trying on shirt and pant combos, coming up with amazing color blocking creations that would rival any fashion week runway model.

I tried on every color of the rainbow and Moxie and I were having a ball. Well, at least I was having a ball. She was happily watching a movie on my phone.

God Bless iPhones and Netflix.

I purchased my new found treasures and we headed homeward bound.

We chatted all the way home about all the fun things we saw -- she loved the orange pants that were her size, the fountain that sprayed to music and all the fishes in the "lake".

All in all it was a good day.

Until I got home, that is.

Upon getting undressed to get ready for work I realized that I was still wearing a tank that I had tried on earlier. I have to be honest: when I realized I had it on I gasped with horror and actually threw the shirt away from me -- as if just holding it was going to condemn me to prison.

Jefe's told me all about what prison is like from when he was a Federal Defender. I know from his stories that it's a place I never, ever want to go. I have a healthy fear of police and jail.

I started doing my famous panic dance and was mumbling "Oh no. Oh no. Oh no."

Peeps. I was horrified.

Images of prison whizzed through my head which made my panic dance even more epic. I am sure if it would have been recorded, it would leave the So You Think You Can Dance judges amazed and dazed. And wanting the thief's autograph.

Holy! Freaking! Crap! I'm a thief. I had stolen something.

Accidentally? Yes. But I had not paid for it, so technically it was stolen.

I was getting ready for work and I had exactly 90 minutes before my shift began. I was sick, people. Sick to my stomach and completely freaked out. I was trying to use all the amazeball skills my counselor has taught me over the past year, but it wasn't working.

As I stood alone in my closet, using my new-mad-skills, I found myself thinking a myriad of thoughts:
"No one would know that I had stolen this tank. I would be late for work if I took it back. It was an accident. They probably didn't even notice, either. Besides, it was an honest mistake, no one would ever know and God would forgive me. He always forgives me."

And that's when I made my decision.

I got ready for work and I drove back to Salt Lake to return the "stolen" tank.

I hurried into the shop and found the employee that had helped me earlier and explained what had happened. She proceeded to look at me with a puzzled look. "You mean, you brought this back? We didn't even notice it was gone. You didn't pay for it and you actually brought it back? Why?"

Yes and yes. Because it's the right thing to do.

She looked at me and said "Thank you for being honest."

And that's why I did it.

Not because of what some other person would think about me, but because it was the right thing to do. I knew I hadn't paid for that tank. And further, God knew. It doesn't matter a lick what others think, it matters how I feel about myself and how God feels about me. I couldn't live with myself if I had not taken it back.

Besides, this is who I am. At my core I am honest -- A Self Narker -- and sometimes I'm honest to a fault.

People have a hard time with me because I don't talk circles or spin webs. If you ask me something I will respond honestly. There's issues? Lets discuss them honestly and not beat around the bush. If I hear someone has an issue with me or said something false, I will talk to the source and correct the facts. Nothing good ever comes from being dishonest. Never.

The best part of the story?

I was only four minutes late for work.

A good day indeed.

Random Randomness and then some Tunes

2012-05-11T13:00:00.000-06:00

"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!"- Friedrich Nietzsche

You can follow my instagram photos via the Instagram app -- I'm Motherboard -- or on webstagram

I was interviewed this past week by a reporter from a German Newspaper, and according to my brother-in-law, this paper is the equivalent of being interviewed by The New York Times.

Yeah.

I nearly peed my pants, too.

My brother told me that little nugget of info and then promptly asked me to change my name back to my maiden name.

In my defense, I'm an easy interview. I can talk to anyone about pretty much anything. I know a little about a lot of things and am nosy and willing to ask questions to get people chatting about themselves.

They wanted to chat with me about my other blog, Mormon Mommy Blogs what it is, how it started and what it's purpose is. I suspect it's because of "The Mormon Moment" that my church is experiencing right now, what with Mitt Romney running for President and all.

I'll be totally honest with you here: I was skeert out of my wits and it was hard for me to figure out why. I mean, I have been interviewed by ABC Nightline for Google's sake, so I why was I freaking out about The National German News?

Because I don't speak German.

They could very well post a rather lovely picture of my friend DeNae and I and we would think it was all perfectly fine. However in German they could be telling everyone how crazypants we are. I really hope that's not the case and that they will be nice to us.

The reporter asked me to bring along some bloggers with me if I wanted to, so I picked ones that I knew could stand on their own feet and answer any question that was thrown their way.

I picked good, lemme tell you.

*****
I'm pretty quick witted and I can think fast-- that's something you have to learn how to do when you are missionary for my church. I served a mission for my church for 19.5 months (most girls serve 18 months. I asked to stay longer). I actually called off a wedding -- to someone else, not Jefe -- and went on a mission instead and it was seriously the best decision I ever made. Not a single day goes by that I don't think about my mission, or use things that I learn on my mission.

I don't regret my decision to serve a mission one tiny bit.

I'll link you to the article when it comes out. Lets all hold our breath, cross our pinkies and toes that they portray DeNae and I in a good light.

*****

All photos used with permission and courtesy of Bryce Olsen Photography

Did you see my show Tech Savvy? Episode 2 is up now on the site and I have to say it's pretty freaking awesome!

In this episode I was able to talk with Linda & Richard Eyre -- Yes. Best selling authors, public speakers and parenting gurus -- Those Eyres. Not intimidating in the least little bit, either.

I also had Ken & Katie Craig -- who are not only the kindest people on the planet, but one of the funniest couples I have ever had the pleasure of meeting! I am so excited about this episode and how it turned out! I mean, how could they NOT be funny? They met at BYU when they were in an Improvisational Comedy Troupe. Good grief. That has comedy written all over it!

All photos used with permission and courtesy of Bryce Olsen Photography

The team that works on the show with me is super great to stop and teach me things to help me be better and I am so grateful for it! After each show we film, I ask everyone individually for feedback on what I can do better. I tell them I am a sponge and I will absorb all that they will give me.

So far so good.

In this episode, we chat about how you go about parenting in the Tech Age. I think the stories that are shared are not only funny but an excellent way to teach and give us ideas on what we can do to be better parents in this Tech Age. The video clips are gnarly and I really like the direction that our shows are going. We have a fantastic little rhythm going and I think each show is getting better and better!

*****
I filmed more episodes for Tech Savvy last week, and I am SUPER excited about these episodes! They are going to blow your mind! When I say that I love the direction the show is going, I really mean it. We covered topics this past week that are going to attract a lot of attention and you are going to be blown away with the stuff that we present. Srsly. Such. Good. Stuff.

photos taken with my iPhone and posted on Instagram

Besides. How can you argue with a girl dressed like that? The only sad thing about these pictures is that you can't see my smokin' hot yellow heels or turquoise and red flats. Yes. I am having a total blast doing this, thanks for asking.

*****

Someone said to me recently that I was in a totally different place today than what I was one year ago, and it was a good place.

Boy is that ever the truth. 100% the truth.

I am in a different place. A better place. A happier place.

I am happier than I have ever been and that's the honest to goodness truth. My family is happier than we have ever been, and there is a total different feeling in our home. Peace. For the first time in years there is a constant feeling of peace in my home and it is oh so nice!

I can't believe how awesome things are right now. And what's even better is that for the first time in like ever, I'm not holding my breath waiting for a bomb to drop. That's saying something, people.

The children are loving on each other, on Jefe and I and just want to be with us. Jefe and I are in a really good place in our marriage and in our relationship. I can honestly say I never knew that marriage -- or family life -- could be this fantastic.

We have worked very very hard and it wasn't without hiccups in the road, however, I can say this: Looking back from the other side of this mountain that we have climbed as a family, I am so very glad that we didn't just throw the towel in and give up. We hung in there, worked through our junk and have emerged on the other side. And this side of life? It's pretty damn awesome. We did it. We are victorious. And I am so glad that we fought that fight, it was most definitely a good fight.

*****

That's it for this week peeps. Take it easy. Enjoy the weather. Kiss your kids and snug your spouse. Life is too short to not appreciate the people that are IN your life.

I'll catch YOU on the flip-side!

Can't You See (ft. Kid Rock) - Zac Brown Band
Your Hand In Mine - Explosions In The Sky
Best For the Best - Josh Ritter
How Do You Keep Love Alive - Ryan Adams & The Cardinals
Sweet Disposition - The Temper Traps
From Finner - Of Monsters & Men
Welcome Home - Radical Face
Kids - MGMT
Dog Days Are Over - Florence + the machine
The Weight - The Band

Bonus: Tripping Billies (live 1999) - Dave Matthews Band

Random Randomness and Then Some Tunes

2012-05-04T10:51:00.000-06:00

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. - Jim Carrey

Sometimes I get hair-brained ideas. Actually, if the truth be told, I get hair-brained ideas all the time.

Some of them are dumb ones that I would like to forget and flush down the toilet to never be seen again.

Others?

They are actually pretty freaking amazing.

And then sometimes those amazing ones morph into awesomesauceness.

Which is what's been happening 'round here.

Awesomesauce has been evoloving and I'm so excited to be able to finally share it with the tens of tens of you that still read my ramblings.

Peeps. I have a talk show.

Me sitting in the host chair on the set of Tech Savvy. All photos courtesy of Bryce Olsen Photography

I know right?

I told Veronica a while back that I really wanted to host my own show. I was thinking podcast (think radio programs that you can download and listen to whenever you want). I pitched it to someone I knew who worked at The Mormon Channel and he loved it.

He pitched it to someone.

Who then pitched it to someone.

Who then called me and had me come meet with him and a producer and re-pitch the idea.

The next thing I knew I was helping to write a TALK SHOW with video.

VIDEO PEOPLE.

ohmygoshtheresvideo! I have video.

I host this freakin' awesome Talk Show now called Tech Savvy and it airs on The Mormon Channel, on HD Radio around the country (KSL 102.7 channel 2 in SLC), on YouTube and on The Roku.

Peeps.

It's so dang awesome and I can't even begin to tell you the kinds of fun that I am having!

Jefe was having a hard time wrapping his brain around what I was up to, so I took him to the studio so he could see my set.

Tech Savvy Set. All photos courtesy of Bryce Olsen Photography

I have my own set. {insert evil laugh} And I freaking LOVE it.

When we left the studio he looked at me and said "I can't believe this. You're like legit. I thought you were doing one of your hair-brained ideas out of someones garage."

Nope. My hair-brained idea turned into something freaking fantastic! This is WAY cooler than anything I had dreamed up in my wee little brain and I can't even begin to tell you how high on cloud nine I'm floating right now.

There were cameras, directors, make-up artists, producers and "big-wigs" from The Mormon Channel there to watch the initial filming. They all made me feel like a million bucks and really took the time to teach me. Guys. I've never hosted a TV show before. Heck. I've only been on TV a couple of times, so this was a whole new bag of tricks for me. I am pleased with how the shows turned out and even more pleased with how I have been able to take their advice and grow into something better.

I brought a fantastic photographer named Bryce Olsen with me to document the entire two day shoot and I am so glad that I did. Bryce took the most amazing photos of everything, and created a way for me to remember the day my dream came true!

Veronica & Elisa All photos courtesy of Bryce Olsen Photography

My e-bff turned in-real-life BFF,Veronica, was on my pilot episode which aired this past Saturday and you can tell by the video and the photos that we had a total riot!

Yes. That is totally Jay McFarland from KSL Radio's The Browser.

Guys. I was a total and complete goof-ball when I met him that day. Srsly. He probably thought "what in the Sam-Hill have I gotten myself into" when he met me. I was falling all over myself, getting pictures because I listen to his show religiously. He had no clue who I was, but was gracious enough to agree to be on my show. I think the fact that my producer (eekk! yes. i totally have a producer) contacted him and the email came from a "legit" email address had something to do with it.

Veronica actually turned me on to The Browser, and I listen to it all the time when I'm working. I talk back to he and Amy all the time and in my head we are total BFF's.

It was so comforting to have her there on all the shoots. When she walked in the door I looked at her, gave her a big hug and said I'm so glad you're here! Now I can relax and be myself.

She later confided in me that when I told her what I wanted to intially do -- the podcast -- and that I had pitched to people she thought I was crazy. And not just crazy but crazy-pants-crazy. I laughed so hard, but then she grabbed me and said "But you did it and it is amazing! I am so proud of you."

Peeps. That made my day.

And you know what? I did do it. I had a dream. And I decided that I was the only one stopping me from accomplishing this dream so I went for it. I would only be a failure if I didn't try. Just taking the step to pitch the idea made it a success because I tried. The gravy of the whole thing? That they actually not only bought my crazy idea, but they ran with it. Boy howdy, did they ever run with it.

I have a page on The Mormon Channel. I have intro music. I have a producer and a director. I have sound guys. Light guys and an awesome makeup girl.

Yes. I am in hog heaven and I am loving every single second of this adventure. If and when it's over I can look back and tell my Grandbabies "I had this crazy dream once and I went ball-busters after it and I accomplished it."

That's the biggest thing that I have learned from this year: You are the only one stopping you from accomplishing your dreams. You can accomplish anything that you set your mind to. I'm living proof of that.

Check out my show and see what you think. It's only be on the channel for a week, and I am thrilled with the response so far. Seeing the clips that people are watching is helping me know what kind of shows to do in the future. I'm gonna ride this ride as long as I can. Come join me, won't you?

Have a great weekend peeps and

I'll catch YOU on the flip-side!

It's Time - Imagine Dragon *my new favorite song I've had this album for a year and it's fantastic!
Hallelujah - Ryan Adams
Sacred Vision - Iron & Wine
Wild Horses - The Rolling Stones
Heart of Gold - Neil Young
Dance All Night (Must Love Dogs Soundtrack) - Ryan Adams
Cold Desert - Kings of Leon
Mykonos - Fleet Foxes
Middleman - Bright Eyes
Soul Suckers - Amos Lee

Bonus: Picture (Live) - Kid Rock

Random Randomness and the some Tunes

2012-04-27T10:34:00.000-06:00

"The Constitution gives every American the inalienable right to make a damn fool of himself." - John Ciardi

I was driving down the interstate with my girlfriend a while back when she came up with this hair-brained idea for a post, and dare I tell you that I nearly crashed the car I was laughing so hard? She grabbed a piece of junk mail off the floor of my van and quickly started scribbling down what we had been laughing about.

And then I forgot about that brilliant post idea because I lost the envelope in the sea of junk squatting in my van.

However.

I have since found that envelope and it made me snicker all over again. You see it was entirely based on us seeing a 65+ year old man writing REPENT with his Red Solo Cups in the overpass chain-link fence.

Totally serious.

Repent. In the chain-link fence OVER the interstate.

My girlfriend and I raised our eyebrows, cocked our heads to the side and we both turned to each other with our mouths gaping as if to say "wha the wuh-wuh?" at the exact. same. time.

Which is what nearly caused me to wreck the car.

The dude was greyer than Gandolf the Grey and he was punching those red solo cups into the fence with such fury I thought the fence was going to fall over. He was spelling out Repent. Now, it's quite possible that his message may have included more, but I only saw the repent portion.

Which it seems was a gift from my Muse because the ideas started flowing like Niagra Falls.

*****
In the mall by my house there is a Kiosk that sells Dead Sea Facial rubs. It's run by a bunch of obnoxious kids. They see you coming and start walking towards you yelling all the reasons why your skin is in dire need of their product. I will go to great lengths to avoid the Dead Sea Kiosk because it's just awkward. They don't take no for an answer and will actually follow you along if you aren't rude.

Which I am rather adept at being, but I am trying to be a better person and not be rude.

It's hard people.

Thing 1 and I were at the mall shopping and I forgot to tell her to not look them in the eye or even acknowledge them. If you do? You get sucked into the never ending schpeel of why your face is going to be ruined for eternity without the mud from the birthplace of our Lord and Savior.

I held my head down and quickly made my way past the kiosk. I turned to say something to her and she was nowhere to be found. I assumed she had stopped in the teeny-bopper store we had passed, so I sent her a text and told her where I was heading.

She promptly sent me a text back saying the Dead Sea guy had stopped her and she needed me to come back so he could tell me about all the products she needed for her face.

My response?

"I am not coming back and turn around right now and run. They will hold you hostage. RUN! Run for your life, sweet child 'o mine. RUN AWAY!"

I know. I am so mean.

Then I did a little covert action and watched from afar as she tried to worm her way out of the clutches of the Dead Sea Kiosk hairy dudes.

It was awesomely funny. Because she could see me, but they had no clue that I was her mother so they ignored me and kept pestering her. I wish I could explain the death glares that child of mine sent me. It was the most entertaining thing I had seen all week!

Now when we are at the mall together walking down the Dead Sea hall? We both pretend to talk on the phone. TO NO ONE. They start approaching and I mouth "I'm on a business call, sorry" and keep on walking discussing the ever increasing cost of rice from China and just keep walking.

My tip to you? Don't make eye-contact and pretend to be on the phone. Otherwise you'll get sucked in the Dead Sea Vacuum and the only way you can escape is by paying them $34.99 for MUD.

I'll sell you mud from my backyard for that price. Sheesh.

*****
I have a neighbor that mows his lawn three times a week.

Totally not exaggerating either.

His garage is also spotless.

I fully expect one of these days to come home and find him laying on his belly with a ruler and scissors to make sure his grass is all equally cut and symmetrical.

I wonder how I could get him to channel his OCD over his lawn into MY yard.

{the wheels are turning now peeps}

*****
I cannot wait for this movie to come out. It looks fantastic!

*****
I can't wait for this one either!

*****
That's it for me peeps. Have a good weekend and I'll catch you on the flipside!

Random Randomness and Then Some Tunes

2012-04-13T12:49:00.001-06:00

"All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable."- Fran Lebowitz

My peeps from Schmoles and I have a tradition of hitting Applebees after work for their half-priced appetizers. I actually really dig this little routine because hello Mr. won-ton chicken taco for $3.99! We always get the same waiter, Tony, who now knows us as his "regulars" and knows what we want to order and drink. It's actually quite the comforting thing-- this being known thing-- and I find it cathartic to walk into a place where everyone knows your name and what you like.

Tony brings us various drinks and appetizers and then we all sit and chew the fat. It's fun for me to see how complete strangers can come together and just be themselves with no judgement from anyone else and we just gab for an hour or so and then head out on our various ways. I love it.

One night we went in and there was a new group of people there. I kept wondering why I was hearing a buzzer, like one I would hear at a basketball game. I stood up to get a good look at the new crew and realized that they had a jumbo-- and I do mean JUMBO -- big screen TV that they had brought WITH THEM into Applebees. Along with a portable DVD player.

I thought it was probably just a bunch of high school coaches scouting out their next opponents. Which I'm totally OK with, that kind of coaching makes sense to me. We all agreed that it was probably a bunch of coaches and then went on with our B.S session.

We were wrong. Like WAY wrong.

Tony made a bee-line to our table and gave us the low-down on the new regulars.

See they are dudes in their late 50's who like to play church ball. And they record themselves playing church ball. Because that's what cool dudes in their late 50's do-- record themselves playing church ball.

But wait. There's more.

After the game is over, they head over to Applebees where they get a pint of brew and watch the entire CHURCH ball game all over again. Where they drink beer, and pause the recording of the game THEY JUST PLAYED to let their pals know exactly what they were trying to accomplish but didn't actually get accomplished.

You see the irony, right?

"See that? Right there I was trying to go up for a slam block, but Garth totally elbowed me in the face which is why I missed it. See? Right there... there's the elbow... And... there's when he made the basket."

Totally not kidding.

I nearly peed my pants when I heard that conversation and Tony AND the manager came over and gave us blow-by-blow details from all their conversations.

Well. I of course did what any responsible blogger would do. I took a picture of them so I could ~~mock~~ document it.

photo taken at super zoom on my iPhone and edited on my iPhone

*****
I said to my pal Veronica the other day that I was feeling pretty good about my life and that I could see that I was in a totally different place this year than where I was this time last year. "For the better?" she asked me and I replied "Oh yeah! Totally!" She started to giggle and said "I think so too, but you had to say it first!"

Yeah.

It's true. I am in a totally different place this year and it is a very very good place. I feel at peace and that is something that I have been craving for years. I feel peaceful and content. And, I like that feeling.

I like where I am and who I'm with and I don't really care any more what other people think or say. I have this silly mantra that I say to myself when I start obsessing about the fact that people "don't approve of me" or don't like me or whatever.

"Those that matter don't care 

and those that care don't matter." 

And you know what? It's totally true.

*****
Freaking Mother Nature needs to get back on her meds. She clearly is not ready to be off that dang bi-polar medication. One day its nearly 80 and the next its in the mid 40's??

What the crap?

Not cool Madre. Not cool.

*****

That's it for this weeks randomness.

Have a great weekend, peeps and I'll see YOU on the flip side!

Honey I Been Thinking ABout You - Jackie Greene
Kissing the Lipless - The Shins
Please Do Not Let Me Go - Ryan Adams
Fade Into You - Mazzy Star
Can't You See - Marshall Tucker Band
Little Talks - Of Monsters & Men
Dog Days Are Over - Florence + The Machine
Welcome Home - Radical Face
Intro - The Xx
Getting Old - Hellogoodbye

Bonus: Strange Days - We Are Augustines