She's A Quitter

2008-11-08T10:57:00.001-05:00

Read it and weep.

Or...just screw this.

♥, Yuki

(

DeviantArt

2008-10-24T21:29:00.000-04:00

After what seems like years since I've actually noticed this site, I've finally stopped being lazy and just made an account.

I've finally become a Deviant!

I'm too lazy to update this blog though. Mostly because practically all the conflict in my life has ended, now that my mom is too fragile and sickly to scream me and my bro's ears off.

So far, life is good.

Everything has turned into the life I've always wanted. A normal life.

Yush. My happy ending is here...kay, life will come back kicking me in the head sooner or later, but for now, I should enjoy what I have.

Peace. ♥

Yuki

Kerli

2008-08-28T18:42:00.000-04:00

Well, it's another chick in a Gothloli.

Also here's for all you preps who thinks lolitas are creepy and hideous, see how you feel when we bash your interests in clothing.
Oh yeah, I like goth stuff but I don't really show it by looking goth.

Peace and ♥, Yuki

Summer Pics of '08

2008-08-22T10:43:00.002-04:00

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Click the hearts to see some of my summer artwork.

I've drawn my Habbo character(the girl with the bandanna ) and the lead singer for Tokio Hotel. He's the guy with the wicked hair.

Hope you like it.

♥, Yuki

Need To Recharge My Camera... =.=

2008-08-19T20:00:00.000-04:00

Gah, my camera's batteries always need recharging. I've been trying to use it to get photos of my sketches, but it always turns off after.

I'll get it working once the batteries are recharge. I have some new sketches and a new sketchbook.

♥, Yuki

Powerful Music

2008-07-25T16:09:00.000-04:00

Lately, I've been listening to too much music. Mostly rock though...

Then I got bored. I felt like doodling so I made this.

A quick, random doodle.

A bit bland, but cute.

Hope you like.

♥, Yuki

Fruit Slices

2008-07-17T17:57:00.000-04:00

I'm making you hungry, aren't I?

Yes, this is my piece of artwork. Delicious slices of fruit perfect for a blistering summer day.

I was bored when I made this.

Well I hope you guys like it.

Peace.

♥, Yuki

I'm Back~!!!

2008-07-16T18:01:00.002-04:00

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Those are some of my pictures I did for my art blog, CinnaBunz.

Anyways, I'm back after 2 months of downtime~!!

It's been so long... and I've missed so much...

But, hey, at least I'm back.

I guess I won't be updating much now that my life is so...regular.

Well, see you all later.

♥, Yuki

Hiatus ~

2008-05-24T21:16:00.004-04:00

Well, right now I'm taking a break about blogging about my life 'cause...well, nothing is happening in my life.

Right now, I'm doing my favorite pastime, ART~!!

Since the deviants and critics at DeviantART want more "fancy" art by professionals(I'm an amateur artist ), I'm going to post at SanrioTown.

Yes, it is a Hello Kitty site...

" "

What?! Don't judge me. I like Hello Kitty... she's cute.

Anyway, if you're tired of waiting for updates, then go take a look at my art blog, CinnaBunz.

I'll be updating both these blogs every once in a while.

When my life is peaceful again, I focus on my hobbies. When it isn't I focus on life.

You get the picture.

Please visit the link above to enter my blog, CinnaBunz.

♥, Yuki

And I'm Back~

2008-05-07T16:25:00.003-04:00

Life has gotten peaceful...

...And ever so lame, too.

So far, after my month-long hiatus(erm...maybe 2 months?), I've been doing other stuff.

Also, I got a new sketchbook!

Posting pics once I start drawing a little more.

Later days.

♥, Yuki

Some New Art

2008-04-16T16:44:00.002-04:00

Yay it's Ruby Gloom! I unchibified her and drew her in my own style.

This is some sort of drawing of my mom. A couple of days ago, I had a dream about her looking like this, except she had white hair. She looked like this women when I saw my mom. I had never seen my mom in such a condition before. So I'm not sure if that was a vision or not.

In all her gloomy glory is...Ruby Gloom! Chibi version! ♥

This is Adriana. My made up character.

YAY!~ A picture of Watanuki without his glasses.
He looks cool without 'em.

♥, Yuki

Website Tips

2008-04-15T16:04:00.002-04:00

Ok, I'm writing this post because a lot of certain people I know are asking me for web design tips.

Lets start off.

1. Layout and Appearance
Nobody wants to go to a site where the background is white and there's just a bunch of text. It would be boring, wouldn't it?
Learn some HTML, people! Go google HTML guides.

HTML helps us build our sites to make it nice, clean and pretty.

Without HTML, every site on the internet would be white and bland.

I can't exactly teach people HTML, but guides on the internet can!

There are tons of sites on the net that will help you with that.

Anyway, on with the guide.

First of all, when making a layout you should choose some images to put on it.
Unless your some twisted pervert, put something that's appropriate for all viewers.
A picture that suits your tastes, like a beach scene for example, is nice for your layout.

You also need some colors to match your layout. Don't just use one color, like blue, and just use the same shade for everything, like your text and image. Everything would blend in and you won't be able to see anything!

Try using different shades of certain colors, or maybe a combo of them. I use the blue-black combination of colors a lot for my layouts.

Also, every color has a match! Don't match it with something lame!
A good combo would be something like pink, green and white. A bad combo would be neon blue, brown and gray.

Ok, so we have our nice-looking layout!
"IT'S PERFECT!"
No. You forgot something!
"What?"
NEATNESS.

Neatness is a top priority when it comes to web designing.

If your site was disorganized, nobody would come.
It would be super hard to navigate and also hard to read stuff.

Use HTML to help! With the help of tables, iFrames and columns, your site will be neat
in no time!

2. Content
As I said before, unless you're some twisted pervert, your blog should have "clean", appropriate content.

"Yeah, clean, appropriate content...what content is clean and appropriate?"

Good content is stuff that's interesting.

Stuff you could write on your site could be about hobbies like sports, famous people, art etc. You could also write about your personal life. Just try not to write anything a regular person would do. It wouldn't be interesting at all.

For example:
"Today I ate eggs for breakfast. I drank cold milk with it, too. Then I went to school. I saw my friends. I think they are emo. They talk about emo music. They like eggs, though. I like eggs."

That paragraph is boring, eh?

There are tons of unfortunate emos out there. But I don't know about the egg part.

Overall, nothing seems to catch your interest, right?

If your gonna write about some one or your life, it should be different than other people's. Other people deal with people that love eggs.

Not many people go traveling every month. Most people don't get the chance.

Writing about that would be nice. You could take pictures of your travels and stuff like that.

Not many people write about being in the Olympics. That would be interesting, too.

These subjects are things in life that rarely happen to people.

Those are things in life that people like to read.

Everyone hates the same old thing over and over. Without uniqueness, the world would be the most uncreative, bland place ever.

Anyway, once you pick an interesting subject for your site/blog/whatever, you should write about it.
"Ok!"
So, Conscience, write something on your non-existent site!
"...Ok! I'm done now! Here's what it says:

2day i went 2 da fair that came in town y3st3rday. it was aw3s0me!
there wuz these cl0wns and j00glers that d1d trix like flips and stuffz.
i saw dis guy walk across da tite r0pe and a guy put his intire hed in a lyon's
m0uth! it was like sw33t. after da show i went to look @ the fr33ks. there was a
guy that h@d only one eye and wuz like staring @ me wi3rdly - "

STOP.

MY EYES.

Conscience, that was a nice subject, but...you could have done a few teeny weeny little touch-ups...like, THE GRAMMAR.

"Ah, I see."

No seriously. That grammar is murder. I can't even read that stuff.

Note to all you readers: When writing don't use bad grammar like Conscience did. People will just leave. It's really hard to understand that stuff.
"Don't judge me. "

Try not to put so much content that it takes 3 hours just for one page to load. People will get impatient and leave.

Try to keep things balanced. Not to many pictures and not to much text.

Anyway, that takes care of the content. On to the next subject!

3. Visitors
There are good visitors and bad visitors.

The good ones leave a nice comment like "Your site is so cool! I LOVE IT! :D" "yo, nice site. sweet tunes u put on here." "Great stuff! I love the layout!"

Whenever somebody leaves a nice comment, I always reply to it.

When you reply to somebody's kindness, people appreciate you.

Now this is where everything gets negative.

Sometimes people just leave a message like this:
"OMG YOUR SITE IS SO LIKE LAME. EWWW THE LAYOUT IS SO CRUDDY. YOU SUCK!!!111"
"my eyes...it burns...this is like the worst site EVAR."
"lol the crud u write on here is so lame. gtfo. loser."

It's best you don't reply to these messages no matter how easily offended you are.
If you can, delete them immediately.
Nobody likes a hater.

Unless you can't remove these rude comments, then either ignore the user or just block the person from ever coming back to your site.

"I have awesome content, a great layout but I don't have any visitors. What should I do?"

I suggest you go explore sites. Then comment on them. Leave a link to your site, too!

Random people click on random links to other sites. That's how they get to places.

If you're nice enough, the person may make you a friend. A.k.a. affiliate or affie you.

They add your link to their site and you add theirs to yours.

Then your buds can stay connected with each other!

Also, you can join fanlistings. They're basically sites that are for fans of things.

Like for example, you're a fan of Fergie or some one really famous. You go google Fergie fanlistings. There's a huge list of links, you click on one and join the fanlisting.

Once you join, you can add your link to the fanlisting.

You must add the fanlisting's link to your site, too.

People that have joined this fanlisting will randomly visit different sites and may click on yours.

You can also join web directories. It's basically a site that has a bunch of links to other sites that all belong in different categories.

Once you join, you can visit other sites too.

Web directories are just like fanlistings except you don't have to be a fan of anything, you have to have a website.

Link the directory to your site and you're all set!

4. Originality and Effort
No one likes idea thieves.

People like sites that are original and unique.

When naming your site, think of an interesting catchy name. Something that no other site has.

But there is such thing as being too unique. Like naming your site '1663324'.
Obviously, you haven't put any effort into thinking of a nice name.

There are many sites that are written on the same subjects, but each specific thing the creators of these sites write are totally different.

Being unique is something everyone likes. Be original, be creative, be AWESOME!

Now, onto effort.

Nobody likes a site with no effort put into it. People that worked hard on their site usually have tons of visitors.

The more effort you put into your work, the better the results.

~~~~~ +++ [[ ♥♥♥ ]] +++ ~~~~~

This ends my guide.

Hope it helps!

If your to lazy to find HTML guides, here are some links where I learned them.

PixelFX Tutorials
Webmonkey for Kids
Lissa Explains It All

Here are also some resource sites you might need.

Pyzam
BlogSkins
CBox

Later days.

♥, Yuki

Reunited

2008-04-13T16:36:00.002-04:00

Today, the day of the week that I dread most, had come.

Sunday.

I was in for loads of boredom and nonsense from church.

But I just had to get through with this, or else I'd break my mom's heart.

She may be the cruelest mother ever imagined, but after all, she is my mother.

Even worse, I'd hurt my mom's friend. I'll call her Mrs. Ophyllia.

She's an opposite of my mom. Nice, kind, the usual granny act.

Since my mother's absence, I've went to church with Mrs. Ophyllia.

Heck, she's one of the nicest people I know.

But she believes in this religion stuff. Which(in MY opinion, don't kill me for this)is totally bogus to me.

If there was a God of any kind, I would be able to actually speak to this god and he'd reply. I'd hear this reply.

If there was a God I'd see him, but I can't.

I could go on about reasons being non-religious stuff, but I better get on with the story.

I got bored in church, waiting until the service would end so we could have fun going out at lunch.

The bible classes and major church production practice seemed to drag on for hours...

But it all ended after a while.

Mrs. Ophyllia took me and my bro to [Swiss Caret].

We had a fun time eating and talking. Nice food.

After that, we walked back to the car.

My brother was jumping around smiling, commenting the ribs and fries he ate and how delicious they were.

Then Mrs. Ophyllia spoke. "So kids, I asked your dad if it was ok if we could go see your mom at [Sunny Rivers] Hospital. Is that ok with you guys?"

My brother fell silent.

I paused for a moment and thought for a second. "...Sure, why not?"

Mrs. Ophyllia looked pleased. "The nurses at the hospital have been asking me for a while if I could bring you kids to your mom. It would help her a lot!"
"Yeah."
"So, little guy, what do you think?"
My brother stared at Mrs. Ophyllia for a second.
"Ok." He answered with his cute face.
"Alright, kids, a friend of mine is going to bring us over to [Sunny Rivers], his name is [Darrel]. He's from church, remember?"
Another person from church. Oh joy.

***

We arrived at the hospital after sitting in a stuffy car for two hours.

"Isn't it great that we'll get to see your momma again?" She grinned.
"Yeah." I answered with a solemn smile.

We walked through the hospital, looking inside open room doors, getting a glance of the injured and sick people inhabiting the little rooms.

People walked around in blue robes with tubes stuck up their noses, necks and heads.

I felt so bad for these unlucky people.

They stared at me the same way I did to them, and I looked away.

We found our mom sitting in a wheel chair, wrapped in a blue blanket with some bloodstains on it.
A small gash on the right side of her head hid under her thin layers of hair.
When we came, one of her eyes opened.

"Hello [Tammi], remember [Yuki] and your son? They're here!"

My mom stared at me with her one eye open. Her face looked hurt.

I held my mom's hand.

"With you guys here, she must be very happy." She smiled at us again. "Each time I visit, [Tammi] is stronger and stronger each day. Because of God's healing hand, she's still alive. All that she needs now is some rest."

I felt sort of better now that I was with my mom. I've never seen her like this. I felt really bad for her and started to feel differently for my mom. She never knew how to show love to her kids, but I still love her as my mom.

As I looked at my mom, I noticed she was straining her face to keep one eye open.

She was still recovering from her coma, so she needed to get used to using her senses.

Mrs. Ophyllia talked about me and my bro and what was going on in church. We also pushed her chair around the hospital.

"[Tammi], you're going to be fine. Once you recover, you'll be back in church in no time!"
"Yeah, Mom, you'll get better soon." I smiled at mom.

We stopped at a window near a stairwell.

"Look at the pretty blue sky, [Tammi], can you remember the beautiful sky on Sunday mornings?"
Mom stared out the window. Her mind wandering off to memories from the old days.
My mom was still in a coma. She could still hear and see everything, but she couldn't react to all this yet. Only her left side of her mind had recovered so that's why she was still in a coma, but it was a light one.

After talking a while we went back to my mom's room and greeted Darrel and her wife.

"We're all praying for you, [Tammi].", answered Darrel's wife.

We chatted more and then headed home.

I stared at the blue sky, thinking about the past events.

Get better soon, Mom.

♥, Yuki

Yay, More Doodlez!

2008-04-03T17:23:00.004-04:00

MY PICS ARE BACK!~

Enjoy.

No...My stupid camera always turns my pictures sideways...

This is a picture of one of my characters, Lisa. She's an adventurous chick that loves flying in her airplane with her buddy, Jay. Here she is, in her sideways glory, sitting on a mountain's edge. I wish I could grab one of those mountains as toothpicks.

[Click to enlarge, the image is so huge, it can't fit in these margins.]

Oh no, I didn't snap any shots of Jay.

Now I need to recharge my stupid camera for a whole day.

I'll post a bunch of pics later tomorrow.

♥, Yuki

Information

2008-03-30T12:57:00.002-04:00

After such a long time, I've finally seen one of my mom's friends.

She was the friend that drived us to the church.

"Your mom is still in a coma, but now she moves a little bit. She can move her arms now and holds my hand. Her lungs are getting better, too."

That's what I heard from her.

She also is the one that visits my mom the most. Like every week or so.

...

I've had mixed feelings for my mother.

I hate her because of how badly she treats us, at the same time, I love her as my mother.

Sad thing is, she has never shown love to her kids.

I wonder if she'll ever change.

♥, Yuki

At Peace

2008-03-23T19:45:00.002-04:00

For a while, nothing has happened.

I haven't heard from anyone related to my mother.

I don't know how my mother is feeling right now.

It's way past my birthday, and I think I've grown quite a bit.

I've gone through so many problems, I think I'm sorta learning how to deal with them.

My family is as boring as ever and it seems like my world is at peace...

For now.

♥, Yuki

Birthday Present

2008-03-10T10:30:00.002-04:00

My birthday is next week!

... But I don't know what I should get.

Every year, I'm stuck trying to think of something to get for my birthday.

For all my readers out there, it must be easy thinking of gifts to ask for.

Whenever I think of things for myself, I feel sort of...self-centered. Like I'll turn into a self-centered brat(like my stepsis... )

I dunno what should I get...I don't know if I even deserve a birthday present.

This post is a bit...eh, I dunno, self-centered?

Just tell me what I should get.

This March Break is depressing as ever, so the only thing I sort of look forward to is my birthday.

♥, Yuki

Party Time

2008-03-07T21:45:00.001-05:00

Yes! March break is finally here.

Now no more school for a week.

And my birthday is coming up, too!

♥, Yuki

Feelings

2008-02-28T21:49:00.002-05:00

I returned from the Sunnyrivers Hospital(not real name, just another cover up like the rest).

We had to wait half an hour until we could go in.

The nurse said me and my bro had to stay outside. They won't allow kids in there.

I was really confused. I felt sad, too...

"She's your mother, but she treated you terribly. Now that she's in critical condition...how do you feel...?"

Um...confused. Very confused.

I've hated her ever since I was born. She never treated me right. She never treated anyone right, actually. My mom just lied to people about how great a mother she is and so on.

When she's just with us kids, she'd just nag at us. She would never show affection or kindness.

A cold hearted woman.

I never felt affection for her, either.

But now that all this has happened...I actually feel bad for her.

I actually want her to stay alive when I wanted her to be out of my life.

This is super confusing...

I feel terrible and sad.

Dad saw what happened to Mom. She looked ok. No blood. She broke her leg, though.
I think my dad said she was wearing bandages around her head and she was in some sort of...coma.

I've never felt like this for my mom, ever.

It's such a new feeling.

It's also the most painful and confusing one I've had today.

Why?

Why did Mom have to get hurt?

Why is life so hard?

Why live in a world when no one is happy in it?

♥, Yuki

P.S. Look at the post below if your confuzzled like me. It tells you the details of what happened etc.

Confusion

2008-02-28T17:58:00.002-05:00

My mom got hit by a car.

She's in the hospital right now.

I don't know what to do, I don't think I could do anything actually.

Dad said her lungs collapsed. She's using a respirator right now and isn't conscience.

"Do you want to go see your mother?", Dad asked.
I thought for a moment.
"She is my mother after all. I guess I should."

Dad will be driving me to the hospital later on.

I just don't know what to say. I feel so confused.

My real mother has never been kind to me, and so includes my past stepmoms. But I feel that if I go visit my mom, I'll be doing the right thing.

Dad says that I am doing the right thing. In the future I won't regret this.

I also visited the counselor again. She wants me to join programs.

You know, the kinds related to my interests.

But I don't think that would make me feel any less confused then I am now.

I'll tell you what happens later.

♥, Yuki

P.S. I guess that was more of a hiatus then a close down. So I'll be blogging again.

I'll just take short breaks.

I've Thought...

2008-02-02T22:01:00.000-05:00

Well, ok. I don't want to delete this site.

But I don't want to update it, either.

So I'll keep it.

But I'm putting a huge sign above the posts that says that this site is DEAD, and that they can visit my active site, Pixel Pop.

So I'm sorry if I made anyone sad or anything.

You can post all you want on my CBox. I'll reply.

But I won't update.

THIS SITE IS DEAD.

...BUT IT'S STILL OPEN TO PUBLIC.

:)

Cya.

♥, Yuki

Reasons

2008-02-01T18:53:00.000-05:00

Suuchi, Suki and many other people that have seen my blog all say I should delete it.

"It's unsafe! You're saying waaay to much about yourself and your private life!"
"You do know that people realize your a helpless girl that can be easily tracked down and kidnapped right?"
"Seriously, stop blogging. You're saying too much."

The negative comments go on and on and on...

"Why believe what they say? It's what you think that counts."

I actually believe what they're saying.

I am saying too much and I am an easy target.

There are more reasons why I'm deleting this:

1. I don't want to write in my blog anymore.
2. I've realized I'm saying way too much about my self and that I'm an easy target.
3. I don't want to stay in touch with people so much anymore.
4. Doing this is dangerous.

Those are all the reasons I can think of.

I don't know what to do.

I'm getting more depressed then ever. I want to be alone more.

"Exercise, do a hobby, DO SOMETHIN', MAN!!!"

None of those things make me happy. They just give me something to do for a while and the exercises just make me sweaty.

I do them alone anyway.

Which sucks.

I have mixed feelings about society.

Spending time with people is fun, it makes me happy.

On the other hand, I sometimes regret hanging with this person and just avoid them.

This stupid depression is TAKING OVER MY LIFE.

The counselors and social workers are no help to me. They just make me join programs and such. And I haven't even gotten into one of them.

I hate this.

And I feel like a bad influence to people, too.

Suuchi and I had a fight once because of my temper and my urge to be alone.

Her parents are afraid that I'm a bad influence to her.

They don't want me to talk about my life in front of her.

I hate my life so much.

I'm still thinking about suicide, yet I don't have the courage to do something like this.

I don't want to hurt anyone, yet if I keep living I only hurt myself more.

I'm confused, afraid, and depressed.

Though I'm not quitting the website building!

I guess I will just stick to my pixel site.

Instead of being known as the unfortunate loser who blogs, I'm just the anonymous pixel girl.

That's pretty much it.

Later.

♥, Yuki

Pixel Pop

2008-01-22T21:01:00.000-05:00

My newest site! Thanks to Ruby for the idea of a new site!

It's a graphics site! I'll put all my pixels and avatars there!

Having trouble getting to the site? Click this link instead.

♥, Yuki

Death and Loss

2008-01-16T17:16:00.000-05:00

Oh. My. God.

I've just found out that...Dad's friend died. It was during this morning.

That old guy that came to Dad's parties. He died.

My Dad has known him for 40 years. I've known the guy ever since I was, like, in diapers.

I miss the old dude. He gave me lots of stuff and was really kind to me.

Dad's gonna go to his funeral soon. Maybe I should go, too.

♥, Yuki

Change

2008-01-15T19:18:00.001-05:00

I don't want to change! ... But I want to earn the respect from everyone I know ...

Today I've realized that everyone in my class hates me. Other than my friends.

Suuchi thinks that maybe I should be more positive. That I should be more friendly around others and not just around my friends.

Good advice.

But that'll take me a long time to get used to.

Sure, I'm negative, gloomy and quiet.

But does that give anyone the right to say I'm a B-word or that I suck?

I mean, what have I ever done to everyone? I haven't done anything to embarrass anybody, neither have I tried to be a "snitch" and get somebody in trouble.

My conscience says: " Dude, they hate your guts, you have to live with that."

Sure. Like I can live with a rotten community infested with disrespectful, spoiled, bratty peers.

Seriously.

Another friend of mine has told me to change my look, smile, and be nicer.

I could be nicer, but changing my look?! HECK, NO! I'm not going to change my straight, short hair into a long, frizzy disaster!

Neither am I going to try tying up my hair(tried that once, every kid in the school was practically laughing their heads off).

I could try putting a clip to keep the hair out of my eyes...

The smiling part is worse. I just can't.

I'm only comfortable around people I know. I just hate smiling around anyone else.

Last time I did that, I was known for being the ugliest girl in the school.

Ugh. Any girls that have been in this situation before? Your welcome to gimme all your advice in my CBox or just post a comment.

♥, Yuki

I'VE MOVED. THIS SITE IS NOW OFFICIALLY CALLED BITTER EMOTION!

Now I need to change my links ...

x x x Creative Streak x x x