dust climbing the sides of the truckbed
you tap the steering wheel as we sing
old country songs that taste like sweetened
whiskey

i love her and she loves me
remembering only in the back of our minds that
i did not choose her and
she did not choose me

ego masturbation mixed with
crisis aversion mixed with
late night whispers of revolution
told to help you get up & go to work
in the morning

i hold all our shit down
do it out of love when really family
is my only calling and
you don’t even know
to offer me
home

the first of many callous lines
scratched into
the ground

let me grow myself
a cold heart

a breathing, beating
indifference

a hurt so pulsating
it propels me into an easier,
(necessary)
goodbye.

as silly as it sounds, every story i write reads as though it should be cradled and crooned by hank williams himself.

ache.
isolation.
longing.
always looking in.

you and me though — & all of us, really— maybe we are a shot at something new… a story not yet written, let alone told

hesistant fingers stick to slick creases
of sweet pear summer skin

old idioms kneaded into the tips
of new tongues, i reword lust
into something wholesome
well-meaning
friendly
“cute”

all the while,
bitterness grows
thicker and
thicker and
thicker

resentment eager to choke
closed this once courageous
throat of mine

let this be
a summer night’s prayer
for brave desire

My sister, who knows more of my secrets than anyone else, doesn’t know I’m queer yet. I’m not sure why I haven’t told her yet since I am safe to do so. She essentially knows I’m queer (homo friends, polyamory, etc) but I haven’t given her political language to understand it. Took care of that today. Deep sigh of relief.

Hi Sis,

Your email about people not being real about who they are made me want to tell you that I identify as queer. A lot of my friends are coming to the Reap conference and I’m excited to tell you that I’m queer because it means I won’t have to try to dance around it, quieting conversations into secrets and protecting your ears from something you probably already know and are down with.

To be specific, by queer I mean,

I date guys girls transgender folks genderqueer ppl;
I try to practice polyamory in all my relationships (not owning the other person, understanding that no friend/partner can fill all your needs, being honest); and
I am critical of the way that society polices and otherizes non-normative bodies (gender variant bodies, disabled bodies, fat bodies, poor bodies)

Ok. So now you know. We can talk more about it when you come home. I love you.

cripchick