For most of my life I have struggled to find God, to know God, to love God. I have tried hard to follow the guidelines of the spiritual life—pray always, work for others, read the Scriptures—and to avoid the many temptations to dissipate myself. I have failed many times but always tried again, even when I was close to despair.

Now I wonder whether I have sufficiently realized that during all this time God has been trying to find me, to know me, and to love me. The question is not “How am I to find God?” but “How am I to let myself be found by him?” The question is not “How am I to know God?” but “How am I to let myself be known by God?” And, finally, the question is not “How am I to love God?” but “How am I to let myself be loved by God?” God is looking into the distance for me, trying to find me, and longing to bring me home.

From The Return of the Prodigal Son: A Story of Homecoming by Henri J. M. Nouwen (New York: Image Books, 1992).

One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.

Another good thing about music is the memory it sparks.  It’s not just memorizing lyrics.  It’s memorizing a feeling, a point in your life, a friend or even a foe.  It’s memorizing an emotion, and with the strum of a chord, it all comes flooding back like it was happening all over again.

I got some great memory comments over on my “Cash” post last week.  I mean.. some really good ones.

Through most of high school, my favorite band was Nirvana. (Still is in my top 2 or 3).  When I hear a song, it brings a lot back.

I remember picking my outfits so carefully, so I could like like them.

I remember laying awake at night, listening to Nirvana and wishing my folks would stop fighting.

I remember my first guitar.

I remember having to play Nirvana loud enough to not hear the parties my mom was throwing.

I remember crying. I remember laughing.  I remember friendships, come and gone, I remember the day Kurt died.

I remember going to Kroger, and asking them for “Penny Royal Tea” not knowing that it is actually a toxic tea leaf, and was often used as a suicide agent.

What memories come back when you think of Nirvana?

If you’re not offending people, you’re doing something wrong.

On social media, people use this to preach against homosexuality, stay at home dads, working moms, and to use profanity as a way to preach the ‘edgy gospel’.  I’ve often wondered where this comes from.  Where’s the Biblical Truth in this. Surely, with so many pastors using that phrase, it has to be in there somewhere…

Jesus did offend people.  A lot of people.  Jesus offended people by healing on the sabbath.  Jesus offended people by hanging out with lepers, whores and outcasts.  Jesus offended people by saying to love your enemies.  Jesus offended people by not saying it’s ok to stone the adulter.  Jesus offended people by telling them, instead of focusing on everyone else, focus on the plank in your eye.  Jesus was offensive because he cared more about people than he did for the ‘religious laws’.

So.  There you have it.  Jesus was offensive.  He loved people so much it was offensive.  He loved people so much that he couldn’t stone them, so much that he would heal them on the ‘religious day off’.  He loved them so much that he told them the Way to eternal life. 

How does this translate today?  Does it mean we need to post status updates about the extremist muslim that will surely burn in Hell?  The homosexual or the stay at home dad who is worse than a non believer?  I don’t think so.  I don’t think that’s offensive, I think that’s more of the same.  It’s the same hate that this world is filled with.  It doesn’t surprise anyone, and surely, it can’t offend…

How do we live truely ‘offensive’ lives?  I think the only way is to take up our cross daily, shine the light, and love so much that it makes us uncomfortable.  Go out of our way to help and love the sinner.  Become uncomfortable in living a life in closer parrallel to Jesus.  Become more concerned with loving everyone than we are with the Christian laws we’ve laid down over the years.  Jesus did not call us to judge, and we’ve become all too good at that.  Jesus did not call us to tell people they were going to Hell, he called us to tell people they could go to Heaven.  Jesus did not call us to throw stones, beat up, or crucify people.  He called us to love.  Love our friends, love our God, and love our enemies.

Do you really want to offend people?

Drop the rules, drop the show, drop the judgements, drop the regulations and start loving.

The idea of politics mixed with religion has been a hard one for me to break.  I’ve felt, for most of my adult life I’ve had to pick a side.  I have to have an opinion.  If I don’t vote, I’m part of the problem, if I vote wrong, I’m ignorant or uneducated, and it’s my number 1 duty to protect this country, uphold it’s values, and sacrifice anything I can to make sure that nothing bad happens to it.

I have felt like I need to pick left or right.  Pro-war or anti war.  Pro-choice or pro-life.  Obama or Bush. Oil or alternative energy.  Bigger government or smaller government. Immigrant reform or immigrant deportation.

I cannot pick.  I cannot bring myself to divide my thoughts by such an intolerable inconsistent line.  I think that we, all too often, put our faith in our country and citizenship when I think, more than that, I should be focusing on my citizenship in Heaven. (Phil 3:20)  According to Paul, we should be alien to this planet.  We should be so different that people don’t recognize us.  We should be a light in the darkness.

Instead of conforming to a political party, instead of joining the masses, instead of choosing a party, be the light.

I think it’s time for someone to stand up and say that war is just as big a catastrophe as an abortion.  Time for someone to step forward and say you love the Muslim, Mexican and homosexual, despite what the politics in our country have raised you to think.  Despite what you think they believe about you, and despite what you’ve been told about them.

All too often I’ve found myself captivated by the political climate, and putting every ounce of trust and faith into the next bill to pass (or not pass).  The next deployment to keep me safe.  The next election.  From here on out, I plan to listen to Jesus and be very careful to not put my faith, trust, safety, or heart in a world that I am alien to.  I plan to be so alien that people don’t recognize me, and wonder what’s different about me, so I can answer..

The love of Jesus surrounds me with light, in a world that is only darkness.

Music drives me. This, is one of my top 5 faves.  What are your top five favorite albums. (Not musicians, but albums)

Yes. Box sets are acceptable.

Jesus asked Judas, “Are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?”
Luke 22:48

Do I do that?

dang.

Personal and Family Information:
Wilma lives with her father and her mother. Her father is sometimes employed and her mother maintains the home. Wilma works at home cleaning. There are 6 children in the family.

Wilma is not presently attending school. Playing with dolls is her favorite activity. She also attends church activities regularly.

Please remember Wilma in your prayers. Your love and support will help her to receive the assistance she needs to grow and develop.

“We need to talk.”  I don’t know if anything good has ever come of that sentence.  My stomach sank.  I immediately start thinking about all the junk I’d done.  I went downstairs to my room and hid my smokes and any other evidence I may have had on me.

I came upstairs, and my parents took me out on the deck.  Shortly after, my brother and my sisters joined me.  I could tell by their face that they were as clueless as me.

“We went to the doctor today, and got some results back.”  My dad says calmly.  ”Your mom has Hepatitis C.”

I had no clue what that meant.  I didn’t really ask any questions, I just sat there, knowing there was more to be said.

“It’s a disease in the liver, and it doesn’t have a cure.  Your mom will die.”

“How long?” I asked… not really wanting to know.

“The doctors told me I have at most, 2 years.” Mom said.

…
..
.

Silence.

I felt something in me, that I didn’t know what to do.  It felt like tears were about to come out, and it felt like my heart was pumping blood faster than my body could take it.  I could feel my face getting tight, and I knew if I talked, my sisters would hear the wavering in my voice.  I held it all in… As long as I could.

In a burst I had never experienced (at this level) I stood up, grabbed the chair I was sitting in, and smashed it.  I grabbed the table that was near by, and flipped it.  I started kicking the balcony, and screaming.  Not words.  Just screams.

I quickly made my way off of the porch and into the woods.  I had a place specially set aside for moments like this.  I jumped into the creek, and into my hiding place.  I sat there for what  must have been hours.  Hearing your mom has 2 years to live isn’t something you expect.   I didn’t say a word, I just cried.

I eventually calmed down enough to go back inside.  So I did.  Everything seemed the same.  The only difference was, now I know my mom is dying.  I still didn’t do my homework.  I still played guitar.   I still asked what was for dinner.  We didn’t talk about it. I guess no one wanted to see me get that mad again. I don’t know.  It wasn’t talked about.

In fact, the only time it seemed to come up was in fights.  My mom and I’d be yelling, I’d say my piece, and she’d say, “Is THAT how you talk to someone who will be dead in a matter of years!?!?”

That was her control.  That was my kryptonite.

I knew things were going to have to be different, I just didn’t know how different……

[to be continued]

12 disciples set out, with the fire of Jesus Christ in their hearts, with 100% belief that Jesus died for them, and shared the good news.

12.

that’s a box of donuts.

That is .0006% of Saddleback’s weekly attendance.

That is 17% the numbers of speakers at the Nine’s conference.

That is 3% the number of followers I have on Twitter. (The majority are Christian.)

Twelve.

These 12 people set out to do what Jesus told them to do.

Love.

Shine the light.

Spread the Gospel.

No fancy slides, no creative team, no lights, no fog.

Just the love of Christ in their heart.

What if we all REALLY had (and allowed) that kind of love in our hearts?

Imagine

There is a beautiful transparency to honest disciples who never wear a false face and do not pretend to be anything but who they are.
— Brennan Manning

I didn’t nail Him to the cross.

…..

Thing is….

……

I did.