I’m a huge fanboi of Joe Johnston. He’s the mastermind behind Liberty Market, Joe’s Real BBQ and other iconic eateries past and present in the Phoenix area. And he’s a super nice guy.

But this time, he’s gone to far. And I’m registering a formal protest.

You see, I just found out that Joe and crew are launching “Burger Daze” at Liberty Market this Sunday. On that day, and following every day for the month of August, they’re putting out one specialty burger. And it’s only available on that day. They know how to do burgers right at Liberty Market.

But back to my protest. I’m protesting this on the following grounds:

Exhibit A: Liberty Market is too far from my house to drive there every day.

See how far away Liberty Market is from my house?

Exhibit 2: Like I need to add any more mass.

Weighting Game or Why My Ass Doesn't Need To Get Bigger

Exhibit III: What am I made of money?
So there’s the burger, the obligatory beer, maybe a coffee and most likely one of those GIANT cinnamon rolls… Now multiply that by 30 and you get just under the Gross National Product of Tuvalu. Dammit, Joe! I’ve got a kid in college and wife with expensive hobbies, man! One of them will have to be sold off to slavery for me to afford this!

So join me in protesting Liberty Market and their insidious “Burger Daze” next month. I figure the best place to protest is on-site. We’ll get our message across that way better. And I hear they have some real tasty burgers in case we get hungry carrying those signs.

“When you’re dealing with the Universe, ignorance can be deadly.”

One of the baddest quotes from the Bad Astronomer himself, my Dr. Phil Plait. He’s been playing all super seekrit with everyone for the last few months, as he jets all over the place filming and shooting his new project. And today, we found out what that super seekrit project is. I give you a sneak peek of a new Discovery Channel series, Phil Plait’s Bad Universe!

I’ve watched it at least a half dozen times already. Partly because it looks so stinkin’ cool. And partly because I can say, yes, that man is a friend of mine. He has the hots for my wife, and I have his cell phone number. How the hell do I deserve such cool friends? I don’t know. But I’ll take it.

Congrats on the pending release, Phil. Know you’ve got a dedicated household hoping you’ll show us how to save us from a universe that obviously wants us DEAD!

And if you haven’t picked up a copy of Death from the Skies!: The Science Behind the End of the World by Phil, I highly recommend you do. I wouldn’t call it an uplifting read, but it’s fascinating none the less. And you can hear Phil read from the book on on the track by the same name on George Hrab’s latest album, Trebuchet. (Another person who I’m just giddy to know calls me a friend!)

I don’t play Rock Band. I’m convinced of an inverse proportional relationship to your skill as musician with the real world analog of the Rock Band “instruments” and how well your performance is measured by your ability to strike or “strum” the shitty pieces of plastic required in said game.

But get a few beers and shots of Knob Creek in me, and that theory can go screw itself. Sort of. I still won’t pick up the “instruments”, but I will sing.

And at the Skepchick party at TAM8, sing I did. Here’s a shot of me rockin’ the house to the smooth groove of Stevie Wonder’s Superstition. Prior to this post, you could only live the glory that was me on that night vicariously through photos. But now, you can own a piece of history legend.

Signed XBox on Auction

• Simon Singh

• Phil Plait
• Richard Saunders
• Rachael “Dr Rachie” Dunlop
• Joe Nickell
• DJ Grothe
• Michael Shermer
• Captain Disillusion
• Evo Terra (See? Not first.)
• Ben Radford
• Swoopy
• Brian Dunning
• Tracy King
• Sam Ogden
• Surly Amy Davis Roth

And your money just isn’t going to support the drunken abandoness of skeptics in Vegas. At least not all of your money. This is part of the Skepchicks “virtual bake sale“, which according to Rebecca Watson, will…

… raise the money to get me to ATL! We’ll auction a few items so that you get cool stuff while I get to attend Dragon*Con, do some outreach, and host Maria’s Star Party (a big success last year raising money for the American Cancer Society in honor of Jeff Medkeff, who once named an asteroid after me).

We’ll be using the eBayz to auction off several items through the Women Thinking Free Foundation, which was set up by Skepchick Elyse to do awesome things in Chicago like fighting anti-vaccination misinformation. Your winning bid will go toward a plane ticket and hotel room for me, and if we happen to raise more than we need then the rest will go to the WTFF.

So get a piece of history. With me on it. And good luck getting what you play to match what’s on screen to howthe song actually should be played on a real instrument. Or just set it on your coffee table and use it as a conversation piece.

Vickie and the most handsome boy in the world

Vickie teaches aerobics to my highschool class

Vickie as The Village Person

Vickie and NJ

Vickie and a pig

Love you!

^{* – It may have been less time than that.}

Skeletons in the closet

But in the post-TAM glow, I’m compelled to do more work to forward the cause of skepticism, science and rational thought. And just as with my brief flirtation with politics, there are few things I need to clear up, save someone expose them as evidence (heh) that my skepticism is somehow false.

Lucky for me, I’ve lived pretty much out loud and online since the early Oughts. So my big reveal shouldn’t come as a surprise, since it was well documented.

In 2000, I completed a 18-month intensive study of western herbalism. To be specific, the class was taught by a wonderful practicing herbalist named JoAnn Sanchez, and classes took place at the Southwestern Institute of Healing Arts, or SWIHA for short. And yes, it’s primarily a massage school. I have no knowledge of the curriculum of the school outside of JoAnn’s classes. And quite frankly, I don’t care. JoAnn’s credentials in the herbal community — whatever that may be worth to you — were and remain impeccable. I learned much from her and the handful of other herbal medicine practitioners she introduced to me and the rest of the class.

Healthy or insane shelf 3

But back to the non-bunkness of some (and that’s an important word) of the claims made in regards to herbal medicine. Many plants — hell, MOST plants — have chemical compounds with pharmacological properties. Some of these pharmacological properties do effect the human body. Sometimes the effect is small, sometimes large. Sometimes the effect is good, and sometimes bad. As in dead-bad. Just ask Socrates.

So yes, I studied herbal medicine. And yes, I learned a lot. And even more yes, I still used plant-based medicine at home. I also use medicine my MD prescribes. And I use medicine I can buy over-the-counter at my local pharmacy.

While I wish I could say that all the herbal remedies I used had been adequately — or even tentatively — studied; I cannot. I, too, fell for the woo. I, too, fell for the “its been used to treat this for thousands of years” bullshit. On some plants. Guilty as charged. Yet the skeptic inside of me never died. He just got over-shadowed by the latent Believer that hadn’t been let out since my brief fascination with UFO-ology in high school. Then I learned about the vastness of space. But I digress…

So yes, I know a lot about plant-based medicine. And yes, I still use plant based medicine. AS an alternative to “conventional” medicine? Some of it, sure. If I’m coming down with a sinus infection, I’ll take some tincture of Mahonia repens. That I prepared myself. The antibacterial properties of the alkaloid berberine are well documented. Sure, I could go to the doctor and he could give me a broad-spectrum antibiotic, or maybe culture a sample of my snot and pinpoint the bacteria in question so he could prescribe a more specific antibiotic. But I know what I have (in this case) and know how to treat it (in this case). That’s not woo. But if I don’t know what I have? I’m calling the doc. And if I know what I have but I don’t know how to treat it? I’m hitting the pharmacy. Or the doc.

Am I an expert on plant-based medicine? Probably more so than you. And for a handful of specific conditions I’m likely to deal with from time to time, close enough. But I know my limits. And I’ll not be so foolish as to suggest a trip to the herbalist is as good as a trip to the doctor or pharmacy. In some cases, it may be. But unless you know what those cases are, don’t risk it. Yes, I used to rail against “allopathic” medicine and the strawman of “big Pharma”. Yes, I once questioned a doctor — very, very briefly — on his prescribed choice of treatment when my son developed a pretty nasty staph infection in his elbow joint. It took me all of about 5 seconds to realize there existed a vast gulf between what I knew and what the trained medical professional knew. Hence, my kid got the best that allopathic medicine had to offer. And kept his arm. As JoAnne taught us, “If I’m hit by a car, don’t take me to an herbalist. Take me to the emergency room!”.

Retrospectively, I probably couldn’t have made it through the intensive program if I had my skeptical hat on. And maybe that would have been a good thing. But I don’t think so. I have a hunger to learn new things. My cursory investigations lead me to conclude there was something to plant-based medicine, and I wanted to learn more. Studying with Joann seemed a good choice then. And it still does now. But don’t expect me to rush to the defense of all plant based medicine. Nor should you expect me to lump herbalism in with the quackery of homeopathy. More on that quite soon. But for now, I think I’ve adequately aired out the biggest skeleton in my skeptical closet.

How about you?

It’s hot. And to combat the heat, I’ve created the Perfect Cuban Mojito. No, it doesn’t use white rum. It doesn’t use piles of sugar. And no, you probably won’t like it. But if you like drinks the way I like drinks, please enjoy.

Evo’s Perfect Cuban Mojito

• Dark rum, probably by some distiller you’ve never heard of

• Powdered sugar
• Seltzer water
• Key lime juce
• Fresh spearmint
• Ice, from a tray. Not a machine. Or a bag. You pussy.

Take four (4) leaves of fresh spearmint and add them to a highball glass. Add one (1) heaping teaspoon of powdered sugar and cover with one (1) shot of fresh Key lime juice. Find something to mash it around with. You aren’t trying to pulverize. Simply mash to release the flavor of the spearmint.

Add three cubes of ice, two (2) shots of dark rum that doesn’t rhyme with “Brock Hardy” and two (2) shots of seltzer. Add in a new fresh sprig of spearmint to look cool. Stir gently. Drink. Beat the heat.

Happy 4th.

I’m very close to being done with Sprint. I’ve been here before over the last 10+ years and it always boils down to the same thing: Sprint’s customer service is terrible. So if you’ll indulge me (and this is my blog, so you have to indulge me,) I’d like to share my story from today.

I figured I’d go buy the new HTC EVO™. And yes, I gave up on my halfhearted attempts at getting them to give me one. As a Sprint Premier customer, I’m eligible to upgrade yearly. And my year was up in early June. So down to the store I go.

Ceser was great. He managed to produce two phones — the plan was to buy two of them to replace our getting-worse-by-the-day Palm Pres — and started the process. But he was quickly thwarted. Seems that my phone number wasn’t the one that had the “Premier” status associated with it. Neither was it associated with Sheila’s. They stuck it on NJ’s number, for some inexplicable reason. No, he couldn’t fix it there in the store, but it should be cleared up quickly enough with a call from me to… Customer Service. Que the “dun-dun-DUH” effect.

The first person I talked to (from Topeka, Kansas, she proudly offered upon answering) said they could easily make my phone the primary number, in effect associating the Premier status with me. The problem was that it wouldn’t be active in Sprint’s computer system until the start of the next billing cycle. Next month. So those phones Cesar found? Not gonna happen on a free upgrade.

But I’m no fool. I asked if she could bring in a supervisor to see if things could be hurried along. Since I’m right here, right now, and ready to purchase. After a few short minutes, I’m on the phone with Cindy(?) from Albuquerque, New Mexico. (There’s probably a good reason for telling customers where the rep is located, but it escapes me right now. I mention it because I thought it humorous at the time.) Cindy informed me that the prior rep was incorrect, and that it might take several billing cycles before the error could be fixed.

This didn’t sit well with me. Mustering some righteous indignation for my voice, I impressed upon Cindy the inconvenience lumped upon me due to a clerical error. I also mentioned I cared little for “the process” and wanted to see if someone might be able to force a change through their system outside of said processes. Acting upon this new found line of reasoning, Cindy checked with a manager. And wouldn’t you know it! There was indeed a work around.

Turns out that the person — she made it sound like the ONLY person — who could fix the issue just happened to be there in the Albuquerque office. But the fix would not be instantaneous. This unnamed person would begin forcing the change right away, but it would take some time. How long? Cindy wasn’t sure, but she was sure it would be longer than a few minutes. But the unnamed person with the magical fingers departed work at 5:00p local time, so it would be before that. Huzzah! A solution had been found.

Not wanting to waste a trip back to the store, I asked if I could receive some sort of notification when the change had been made. Cindy said that she would call me as soon as she received the confirmation email that the work had been completed.

That was… 3 hours ago? Cindy hasn’t called. I called Cesar back at the store to see if the status had been moved in his system. It had not.

So thanks once again, Sprint, for living up to your continued reputation of shitty customer service. I hear that new iPhone 4G is pretty slick.

Update Tuesday, June 29th @ 1:42p

Yesterday I received the following Tweet from @SprintCare:


To which I replied:



And that earned me the following suggestion:



So I did. I emailed all the info, starting off with “The details can all be found here” and including a link to this post. They just responded to me with the following fantastic reply”

Thank you for your email. We reviewed your account records and found that phone line (928) 593-9678 will be listed as the Premier line of service effective July 7, 2010, which is the first day of your next billing period.
According to www.sprintrebates.com, you are currently eligible to upgrade that line of service. I recommend visiting a Sprint store location and speaking with a member of management regarding your upgrade options.
Thank you,
SprintCares

As you might imagine, that’s not response I was hoping for. Yet completely within the realm of what I expected. Here’s my unedited reply back:

Did you even bother to read what I wrote? Did you even bother to read
what someone at your organization promised, then failed to follow
through with?
The answer to both of those questions is an obvious “no”. Please
change your account to SprintCaresNot.

Wow. Can’t wait to see how this ends. Not. Though I’m pretty sure I can predict the future.

I’m fortunate to have lots of friends with talent. Talents come in many shapes and forms, but it seems a large number of mine are talented in artistic ways. I’m not without skills in this area. I’m just without the drive necessary to hone many of those.

Take video editing. I did some very VERY basic editing back in the late 80s. When it was hard. Well, maybe not hard. Manual might be a better word. But it’s all digital now, and things are less-manual. But it still takes talent to go above and beyond. And if you’ve seen any of the videos I’ve ever put up, I don’t have that talent. Or at least I haven’t taken the time to hone it.

But my young friend Brent Weichsel has. For barely existing on the planet two decades, the boy knows what he’s doing. And will only get better. Among the projects he’s done is a a video for Scott Sigler’s Ancestor contest. It’s dark. Disturbing. Minimalistic. And really well done.

Did I mention disturbing? Yet I love it. It shows that you don’t need a lot of bells and whistles to make something fantastic. You just need… talent.

For months, I’ve been walking around, singing songs aloud that no one has ever heard of. That’s not all that unusual, as my musical tastes plunder the eclectic. But recently, there’s been an air of exclusivity to my music of choice. I was fortunate enough to get a copy of George Hrab’s Trebuchet before it was available. And yes, I gloated. Loudly. And with feeling.

But that time is over. George has asked me — and a host of others — to make the .mp3 version of his entire album available as a single download here on my site. An honor to which I am happy to oblige.

What kind of music does George play? Well… that’s hard to classify. And why I like him so. So I won’t even try. If you’re a fan of odd time-signatures like me, Hrab’s music will appeal to you on a deep level. If you have no idea what the hell an odd time-signature might be, don’t worry. No advanced music appreciation classes are necessary for the enjoyment of this album.

The image associated with this post is a word-cloud of the lyrics. The larger the word, the more often it’s used. If you are fortunate enough to know George or his work, you’ll immediately know why “know” is so prominent. George’s music is smart. You will be, too, after listening.

So enjoy. And go buy the CD from CD baby. It comes with an incredible booklet. And everyone needs a backup. Plus, it supports an amazing (and I don’t use that word lightly) artists doing incredible work.

In about 18 hours, I’m going to do my level best to piss off a good chunk of those who consider themselves part of the creative class. I’d apologize in advance, but what I have to say needs to be said. For you are not as fantastic as you think. And those who keep telling you that you are share in the blame, so I’ll be lambasting them, too.

But in advance of that, and to prove that I’m not a complete and utter curmudgeonly bastard, I present to you the antithesis of the above:

You can claim George Hrab has innate talent. He’ll likely mention his education and hours of dedication and practice. Those of us fortunate to know him will attest to his unwavering dedication to quality and quest for perfection.

And he’s creative. Scarily creative. Can you be this good at your chosen craft? Yes. Anyone can. But most won’t. Which will you throw your lot in with?

I’m having a blast in San Francisco. Sheila spent a long weekend with me, and now I’m attending ad:tech. Guess which part I like more?

And while I’m here, I’ve been continuing my “Give Evo an EVO” movement. Thus far, I’ve posted 27 videos of me pining for the new HTC EVO from Sprint. Hey, if you name a phone after me you should expect me to ask to be one of the people who get the sneak preview.

Here’s the one from last night:

If this is the first time you’re hearing about this, don’t be surprised. I haven’t pushed it very hard, outside of linking my YouTube account to Twitter. That’s partly because I’m curious what YouTube can do on it’s own. My answer: not much. Surprise! It needs pushing. I get 10s of views on videos that I don’t push, with a mix of visits from Twitter and some searching on the keywords. And as you’ll tell from the comments on the videos, the searchers aren’t too happy with my daily habit.

But some of you have noticed. There’s a Facebook Page for the Give Evo an EVO movement, and it wasn’t set up by me. Promise. Nor did I request it be set up for me. Yes, I obviously know the person who did set it up. Thanks, Corey! So if you’d like to become a fan of like become a fan of the page, that’ll help.

Some notable episodes if you don’t want to wade through all 27 (and future) episodes:

• Francine Hardaway lends her support
• Wherein I suggest you go to your local Sprint store and lobby for me
• The wrath of The Mole Man
• Wherein I grow despondent that others are getting the phone
• Support from Batman
• Where wolf?

So… time to push. Hey, I’m no David Lynch. And I know that some videos are more creative than others. The later in the day, the lower the creativity. Maybe I should do this in the morning? Sorry. Sidetracked.

Go watch some videos. Share and like some videos. And let’s see if we can get Evo to give me, Evo, an EVO.

Clearly, I am an enigma. Offer me a quality craftbrew beer and I can wax poetically about a host of subtle nuances that are completely undetectable — or unpalatable — to most consumers of beer. I can do the same (to lesser degrees) with scotch, sushi, tequila and chili rellenos.

But I have to scratch my head at boutique coffee shops. I really, really do.

Now don’t get me wrong. The swill served out of my office’s coffee machine is just that. And while I love me some donuts, the coffee they make for dunkin’ isn’t made for drinkin’, IMHO.

I’ve never been a big coffee drinker. Mom wasn’t. So I’m not. Hell, I drink Yerba maté most days, which puzzles the hell out of my co-workers. But from time to time I do enjoy a cup of coffee. And I’ve had some excellent coffee in a variety of flavors and permutations. Thanks to everyone who has helped me experience something new with the bean.

Now allow me to throw that all aside and tell you my dirty little secret: I like Circle K coffee.

[pause to let the retching sounds cease]

No. Seriously. Circle K dark roast is damned tasty. For one thing, it tastes like coffee. I get 20 ounces for just over a buck and can add just a splash of half and half. Hard to find cream these days, I guess. And yes, I think it tastes great!

Even more important: I can always get a cup of coffee at Circle K. Yes, there are times when a nice mocha is what I need. I’ve been known to get an iced toddy when the weather is warm. Which it often is in Phoenix. But at that same place that makes a great mocha and a refreshing toddy, it’s nigh impossible to get a cup coffee when I want a cup of coffee. You know, with coffee in it. Just coffee.

Go ahead and throw things virtually in the comments below. I’ll manage.

So right about the time of this posting, I should be on stage doing my thing at Ignite Phoenix #6! This is my fourth time to present to the Ignite crowd, and I’m stoked to be doing it again.

For those who can’t make it and aren’t watching the live stream, here’s my dry run of Weird Time in SlideCast form. Note that I had rehearsed this for a couple of hours, nailed it, recorded another “Give Evo an EVO video” and drank a couple of glasses of scotch. So this one isn’t nearly as polished as I know it will be be tomorrow night. No drinking then. Promise.

I hope you enjoy Weird Time. And I hope I’ve given the chance to do Weird Distance and Weird Numbers at future Ignite Phoenix presentations. I figure I’ll keep submitting until they start turning me down.

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Dear Sprint,

I just got off the phone with Monica. She’s a great customer service rep of yours. She informed me that I’ve been a Sprint customer since December 1, 1999. Sure, we’ve had our ups and downs, but the scales have been tipped more in to positive for most of that time.

I pay you just under $200 a month for our service plans. Three of them. All phones with unlimited data plans — the big ticket item for you — because we use the heck out of our phones. My wife and I are both on the Pre, and our son — 1st year of college — is on the Rant. In a world where at least 75% of our friends have made the switch to the one that rhymes with “eye-bone”, we’ve not. Primarily because I want a phone first and a device second. But also because I really don’t want to switch away from Sprint. We just had our 10 year anniversary, and I’m sentimental.

But enough beating around the bush. I want the new HTC EVO™ 4G, and I’d like it now please. You’ve already let Engadget play with one. Gizmodo gushed about the 3.7 seconds they had access to it. CNET, Slashgear… you must have employed Santa to get you all over town in a single day doing demos.

I realized I’m not those media outlets. I’ve got a decent rep in the social and digital sphere. Some say I’m an influencer. But I have one thing that those other places don’t, and that one thing makes me the perfect spokesperson for the new HTC EVO™ 4G from Sprint:

My name is Evo!

Who better to be carrying around the EVO than Evo? It’s not like you’re going to get that guy from Bolivia to make you this offer. He’s a little busy. And I don’t think 4G coverage works there.

But that’s OK. You don’t need him. You’ve got me.

So let’s do this thing. It’s the least you can do, considering the branding hell you’re going to give me with this product. Not like I already have to compete against the above mentioned guy, a car company, tree-huggers¹ and dog food for my name, right? Reach me at 602-325-3045 and I’ll give you an address where you can send the phone. We’ll take care of the necessary paperwork when you’re ready.

Yours in love with the EVO,

Evo.

Note to friends: Help me get this phone first and to be THE spokesperson for it. Or at least just the first part. Tweet it, re-tweet it, facebook it, re-blog it, call your congressman, pressure, pressure PRESSURE! Let’s see what happens.

Update: I put a plea out on YouTube, recorded with my Palm Pre. You could help spread that, too!

^{1 – OK, OK… I’m a tree-hugger, too.}

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Actually, I’m having a lot of fun over on my new blog about digital business strategies, A Simpler Way.

Now you may not care. In fact, if you’re a loyal follower of my antics over here, you probably don’t care about the new blog. And that’s OK. Just know that things may be a little slower over here as I shift my attention to there… and other places.

But I do have some new fun stuff to tell you about. And I’ll still do that here from time to time. But I’m posting over there about 3x a week if you need more of me. And hey, who doesn’t?

Recently I was asked to write an article about podcasting. I don’t do it very often, probably because I’ve said about all I had to say in the 2.5 books I co-authored on the subject. But this was an article about podcasting and fiction, and I haven’t wrote extensively about that. I do that extensively, mostly though the love that is Podiobooks.com. So… why not?

The article on ErgoFiction is now live. And no, it wasn’t one huge commercial for the serialized free audiobooks we help distribute on Podiobooks.com. At least, I don’t think it was. You decide.

I went from hating this, to not being able to get it out of my head, to loving this.

And because I continue to run into people who’ve not experience the awesomeness that is Trololo…

There’s also version for people on ludes, ecstasy, and LSD. Yes, each one is a different experience.

I love the internets.

W007! Just found out that I’ve been selected as one of the presenters at Ignite Phoenix the Sixth! I’m totally stoked!

When I wrapped up Ignite Phoenix #4, I said that had reached the end of my three-part series on Big. I sat out — as in, in the audience — for Ignite Phoenix #5 and a bunch of people asked me what I would be doing next! Guess I didn’t bore you — at least some of you — to tears. I had lots of good suggestions from those who saw my prior talks. Many thought I should go Small, but I see small as a different type of big. Yeah I’m strange.

After batting a few of my own ideas around, the topic of Weird rose to the top. There are lot of things that aren’t big or small but are damned weird, and I want to talk about them. So that’s what I’ll do starting March 30th. And I’ll follow the same progression as before, with my first talk on Weird Time. No, you won’t have to bring your International Baccalaureate high school physics teacher with you. Hi, Charlie. Though I think he’ll like it, too. Expect what you’ve come to expect from me in these short talks — a different way to look at something you’ve been surrounded with all your life.

Thanks to whomever green-lighted my talk. I’m happy to see some of my good friends also got the nod. It should prove to be an interesting night!

It’s been one of those months. Sorry. But though I’ve been neglecting the blog, I’ve not been neglecting fun.

Here’s a bit of stupidity that Jeff and I came up with some time ago that has finally been green-lit. Green-lighted? Green-lanterened? Anyhow, it’s all about the little-known monitization angle and history of Twitter.

Or maybe we just made it all up. My money is on the latter.

And if you missed what kicked this off, here’s the two of us pontificating on social media. Yes, we’re serious about being not serious some times. And all the props go to Joe Holt for shooting and editing. He truly is the man.

You know about Podiobooks.com, right? Pushing around 80,000 episodes of close to 400 serialized free audiobooks out to thousands of listeners every single day. Some listeners opt to make a donation to a book, and the author gets 75% of that. Yeah, I’m a hell of a guy.

I use PayPal in a very non-automated system to handle both the collection of donations from donors and distribution of funds to authors/producers. I’ve got a pretty good system going, but there’s one spot I constantly fall down on — thanking those who have donated.

I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I simply can’t thank each of these people one at a time. It takes me the better part of 2 days to do it when they pile up, and I simply don’t have the bandwidth to do it daily. It’s hundreds of people that donate per quarter, but thanking them individually takes time.

And I really don’t like the thought of an auto “thanks” to be sent out as soon as the donation is received. Yes, I could set up PayPal or something else to do this. But I don’t want to. What I’d rather do is wait — maybe a month — and then send out a big “thanks” email to everyone who donated during that time. I’d include some quick stats on growth, new books coming… that sort of thing. Something of more value than just a “thanks”, but something that doesn’t have to be customized for each donor.

And that’s why I’m turning to you. I need personal recommendations on good, solid and inexpensive contact management services. I’m perfectly capable of searching Google on my own and doing research on my own, so spare me the links to LMGTFY. I want to hear from those of you who know of a system that will accommodate my needs.

Here’s the weekly/monthly/quarterly workflow as I see it:

1. Export week/month/quarter of donations from PayPal
2. Import that list — just names and email addresses, probably — into CMS
3. Write up a nifty little letter of thanks and tells the list a bit about what happened to PB.com. Would like this to be pretty-fiable.
4. Send.

That’s it. Of course, I know I’m building up a list — possibly a big list, though we have many repeat donors — of donors. I may opt to, though I never yet have, send them important updates from time to time. Things like the new site launch, and when we start selling versions of some of our books, too. Those will be one-off and certainly few and far between.

I have the names and email addresses of everyone who has donated in the past, so I’d like to start with a big import of those (no sending of anything), then import a list of donors since October 2009 that have yet to be thanked… and thank them.

So… what do you think? More importantly, what do you use? Spread this around if you know someone who uses email/contact management software and may be of assistance.

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