All our efforts to do something are just accomplishing… what? Kingdom work? The good news of God? We are only a sign and a fortaste of the kingdom when we act out of Jesus’ interest in humanity.

Church planting/seeding Jesus shaped communities should be the ends that our efforts work towards, not “only” doing good. Yes, good needs to be done, and yes doing good points people towards the reality of the kingdom that has broken into history, but if good is all we do, we are acting short sighted and too easily find our selves unable to speak how we are different from mearly a cause for social justice.

If we end poverty, stanch the Aids epidemic, change the economic system but have not God’s love driving and being the end result of our actions, we have nothing.

This requires a theological shift in our thinking: orthodox praxis will never end in theologicaly based doxology. If we are going to live and do from a heart orientation of worshiping YAHWEH, we must let understanding and thankfulness be the catalyst to our actions.

Our theology must find it’s roots in the thinking of 1 john 4: “in this we know what love is- while we were enemies of God, he sent Jesus (his only begotten son) to be the peace offering for our lives of brokenness, enmity, and hurt.”

With out a hope based theology grounded in love, we will never truly be the change we long to see in this culture/city/nation/world.

The ‘emerging conversation’ did allot to spur us to think differently, however it didn’t go far enough. The focal point became praxis, and while that was/is a needed change in the church, it was not enough. proof of this lies in the fact that ‘missional’ (which was birthed out of a praxis change) has become a buzzword, yet is still undermined by the churches actions and assumptions. We are willing to be missional, but we still need the larger building, the new parking lot, the cool branding… At it’s core, we are still prosperity driven, ‘christian culture’ building, separates that have labeled our efforts at making a difference (in our favor) missional, therefore telling our selves we are doing what God wants.

Our theology needs an overhaul, just like it did in the days of Luther and Calvin. If we fail to let true love (the kind that Jesus displayed in his life, passion, death, and resurrection) reshape our theological understanding of sanctification, holiness, mission, and ecclesia, we will never be the church the world needs.

Stuff that *may* or *may not* relate:

• Weaker brothers (and sisters)
• What the Atonement Did
• Bob Hyatt: The Death of Preaching

Our good friends Michelle and Jim have a son named Hunter. Hunter is rad as all get out. Hunter also has autism. Sarah decided that she wanted to be a part of this walk for hunter, for the cause in general, and because it’s a great way to do some good in our community/world.

Her goal is to raise at least $150.00 dollars towards the cause (here is what the money goes towards).

So, you there on the couch, at your desk, in the bathroom(???), please think about contributing towards this cause and supporting my wife’s walk.

If you’re feeling like you want to be part of the support and giving, click here to go to her walk profile page and donate. Any and all donations are welcome.

This is a good thing people.

Stuff that *may* or *may not* relate:

• I got nothing

I’m not who I want to be. Probably never going to really be that guy. I’m too selfish, near sited, weak, and human to ever love like I want to, do what I *really* dream, and truly live carpe diem.

——-

There is this verse in the book of Malachi [edit: ok it's actualy the book of Micah] that says (in the Aaron-says-it-like-this version), “God has shown you what is good; And what does the Lord require of you? This: do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with God.”

I like that verse. It gives me some boundaries for being at peace with God, for doing the kind of life he calls good.

Over all, I don’t think people can really argue or complain at that verse. I mean, who really doesn’t want to live justice or be merciful? Walking humbly with God… I know some people can take it or leave it, but it’s still a beautiful picture ain’t it?

Even with these boundaries and my full heart wanting to live them out well, I suck at it. I don’t know how to do this stuff. Maybe I’m just too critical of my self. Maybe I just listen to that voice of failure that shouts loud and lots in my head. I don’t know.

What I do know is that I never feel that I “got it figured out”, never really feel that I’ve made peace with God.

Maybe that’s part of the point.

——-

Psychologically speaking, they say our concept of god is largely shaped by our experiences with father figures. My dad was sort of around, seemed to sort of care, and took me to his girlfriend’s house when we were going to spend time together. Not sure what that says about my concept of God. I certainly don’t picture Mr. Freeman in a white suite. In fact, I don’t really picture anything at all. Left to my own paint set, I draw God as far off, aloof, having better things to do than hang with me. I mean, I know he loves me and all… but does he like me?

——-

Making peace with God is something I don’t think about mostly because it seems too big and hard and too much work for me to try and connect with some far off deity and hope I did enough that was good so that he will like me.

This is one of the big reasons I’m still a Christian. The story of God and Jesus that the bible tells me isn’t a story of someone who I need to make peace with. It’s a story of someone who comes close to me in my broken mind, heart, body and life, someone who made peace with me because he simply loves and likes me.

——-

I think it’s awesome to face your childhood fears of the god you were shown. I think it’s healthy to show the little one inside you that that god is a figment of bad theology and human error. The concept of god as the big ol’ bastard in the sky is like the monster under your bed: scary as hell but ultimately it’s just an old shoe and a moldy pizza box. I applaud you for wanting to reconcile those fears and be free.

——-

As for me, the only way I know to get rid of my bad un-picture of God is to try and get to know him as he really is, and be willing to let him teach me how to lean into the person I deep down want to be, the person he wants me to be: healthy, hale and whole.

It’s this better, more true version of me that I have a problem coming to terms with. It seems like that person is so unreal and so unreachable that it must be imaginary.

But the God who loves me, likes me, and made peace with me even after I gave him the finger (a couple of times over) seems to insist that health and wholeness are the best for me, no matter how hard the healing is.

——-

Here is love. We didn’t love God first; rather, he loved us and sent his son as the sacrifice that makes peace for our broken lives.

1 John 4.10

Stuff that *may* or *may not* relate:

• I got nothing

Here is what I’m feeling today:

• My brain is too big for my head. My thoughts seem right now to be swirling and large, unable to be contained by the size of my skull. This is probably the onset of a good session of hypo-mania. In addition to a metaphysical big brain, there are waves of pressure that feel… odd. No pain, just a sensation of pressure starting at my head and washing over my whole body. It makes me feel as if physically my brain is too big for my head.
• It feels like the ocean sounds. So you know that “whoooshhhhhh” sound you hear when your at the ocean or holding a sea shell or cup up to your ear. Ya, my whole body feels like that sounds today. It’s an ebb and flow of nerve endings exploding with feeling and then it recedes. Also, my ears keep ringing off and on. And, I know this sounds crazy (HA!) but when I close my eyes and move my eyes, I can hear them move. Makes falling asleep an… interesting experience.

Basically, I’m recording what’s going on with me as I get off Effexor so that people will know what it’s like: medication effects, mood disorders, the whole deal. It is hard to put this stuff into words. It’s physical sensations, experiences, and emotions happening all over the place all at once. It’s not just some overly emotional state that someone needs to pull together. It’s rough. It’s hard. It makes you feel like you are insane. To devalue that is to tell me that I am even more crazy than I feel.

So, who in your life do you know that deals with a mood disorder and/or medication side effects? Will you take the time to listen to what a day is like for them? No comments, no explanations, no disbelief. Just listen to their words and phrases, no matter how crazy or unbelievable you think it sounds. Listen and let them know that you believe them (even when you don’t understand or relate to them) and you care about them (even when there is nothing you can do for them). Your presence and the space you make for them speaks volumes.

Who do you have that you can listen to this week?

Stuff that *may* or *may not* relate:

• The War Against Hopelessness | Amber Naslund | Inaccurate Reality
• I get confused…

That can sound like a cop out, just another excuse and crutch to lean on so that I’m not responsible for my own life. Tonight for me, it’s the exact opposite. Instead of a crutch it’s a lifeline away from despair and giving up.

See, right now I’m not in the best place. My life seems to be filled with potholes, failures, struggles, and defeat. If that’s too vague, here is a rundown: As a family we have dad (me) who is bipolar II with currently no way of getting the medication I have been on, and mom (my wife) who deals with severe anxiety/depression. We are a two income household: I’m a server at a local german restaurant and work as a freelance photographer/designer. Right now, we don’t really have the income to cover rent and living expenses. We are trying to move into a more affordable location, but moving is expensive… and we still need to cover rent where we are at.

It seems/feels like every time we try and get our life in order, an ambush of problems jumps us in a dark alley. Life is hard right now, both from poor choices we have made and from some pretty crappy circumstances. So, when I say, “life seems to be filled with potholes, failures, struggles, and defeat” I’m not talking metaphorically or ‘we can’t afford the good cable package or that new car’.

As a family, we are living in the midst of a very tangible expression of the brokeness that pervades our world; we are experiencing hard living in a sinful, fallen world. Yes, others have it harder than we do… still don’t change the fact that life is uber hard for us.

So, what does the life of some Jewish carpenter turned traveling teacher have to do with the shit storm that we are in?

Everything.

The tendency of my life is to see all these things going on and react one of two ways: 1) I can fix it. I can work harder, pull my shit together, and make this situation good. I can save us. 2) I give up. There is no hope of solving all these problems. I just hope something good happens some time. So, on the one hand, I try and save myself (and my family) and on the other I give up and resign us all to fate.

Jesus gives us a third way, a better way, a way that leads to life.

Part of the core of Christian belief is that Jesus lived a perfect life. He didn’t screw himself or others up. He led the kind of life that we can only imagine; a life that dealt with pain and suffering by giving compassion; a life that didn’t condescend to bitching about how much stuff sucked; a life that was in perfect harmony with creation, man, and God. Jesus lived the life that I want, the life I can’t ever have on my own because I am broken. Jesus wasn’t broken.

Since Jesus lived the perfect life, when he died in an unjust execution, he became the perfect sacrifice to cover over all my (and your) faults and failings. Three days later, he got up from the dead, declaring the last great enemy of life to be defeated. Then (and here is the part that I’m thinking about tonight) he offered to let his life stand before God in place of mine. So, instead of a screwed up, broken mess, God sees the perfect life of Jesus when he looks at me.

This is good news to me because it means that I don’t have to get my shit together and figure out my life on my own before God will love and embrace me.

What does it mean for me to not have to earn God’s love? It means that now, in the midst of the crap of life (both crap I’ve caused and crap that is piled on) I have the greatest being in all existence on my side. I am free to try and work harder, to solve our problems, to move towards healing and health… with God on my side.

Things don’t magically get better when we begin to believe the hope Jesus offers us. God is in the business of making us fully human, perfectly fit for a perfect creation. The biggest way he does that is by using the shit in life to refine and form us into who we are truly meant to be. I don’t know why he does it this way, but I know he is for me, on my side; I know he loves me no matter how bad things get.

I can learn to do better; I can make better situations; I can begin to accept the things I can’t change; I can learn the wisdom to know what’s mine to work on and what isn’t. I can do all these things with what vigor and strength I have because I’m not working to impress people or God. I can do these things because Jesus gives me his life as he walks beside me in mine.

Stuff that *may* or *may not* relate:

• Jesus and nothing else
• I’d Rather be Hurley
• Death You’re a Bastard… or why there will be baseball in heaven

Fear as a motivation to believe is horse shit. All it leads to is people that are terrified of anything that may crack, question, or challenge their way of thinking (hence your experience in the classroom) and a notion that I can somehow make myself more lovable to the big judge in the sky… that way he wont hurt me (as badly anyways.

Like I said. Horse shit.

It is actually possible to have faith in God and to believe the bible is true with out being motivated by fear and terror. If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t be a believer. If I hadn’t had a few gracious people give me room to question, seek out my own answers, read texts from other spiritualities, etc… I probably would have ended up an agnostic my self. Couple the “shut up and believe hook, line, and sinker” mentality with the god you can only fear… if that had been my sole experience growing up I would probably be giving Richard Dawkins a run for his title as “biggest hater of religions… in the universe”.

It sounds to me like you were a thinker. Someone who wants to understand before they can take the blue pill (or was it the red one?).  Believe it or not, being a thinker doesn’t preclude you from being a Christian (despite what the internet tells us). There is room for questions, answers, and some questions that remain a mystery. That’s one thing I really dig about the Jesus movement: it’s suppose to be something that leads us to find real freedom.

Unfortunately, our human need/tendency for order and ways to measure “how good we are compared to that guy… even Hitler was better than that guy…” has taken this Jesus movement, this relationship with the God who is love, and boxed it into an institutional religion. Religion doesn’t work. Religion is one of the many breeding grounds for fear based motivation. (Did I mention that’s horse shit?)

The phrase is totally cliche to me, but it still rings true: not religion; relationship. That dog will hunt.

Stuff that *may* or *may not* relate:

• I got nothing

God is love.

God is love.

God is love?

Not the god I know. The god I know is cruel, and punishing, and watches all the time, judging, always judging, and condemning. This is what was taught to me. This is what is still seared into my brain. This is what was nailed into my head from age 3 to 17, a dogma that was accompanied by hateful, cruel “women of the cloth” who would have died laughing if I had ever said “I thought god was love.”

I don’t blame my parents, you know, for sending me to Catholic school. They were Catholic, still are. They have some more progressive views (no hating on The Gays, plz, and abortion isn’t a one way ticket to the big fireball in the center of the earth) but they are still religious. I mean, my grandmother first told me I was going to hell when I was 12. (I said that I didn’t take the bible literally.) Charming thing to not only say to a kid, but your own flesh and blood, yes? So no, I never learned that god is love.

It’s strange, to say the least. I’m 33 bloody years old. My “Jesus Year” as friends have dubbed it. “Time to do something important!” Well, that sounds neat. And it’s a lovely sentiment for the year. Should be every year, but I digress. So I ponder Jesus, who I believe existed, as a man with a following of miscreants and misfits, who preached what he believed to be the teachings of his god. I have no problem believing that. But…”God is Love” still baffles me, and I blame that entirely on my schooling.

The day I changed from a terrified little schoolgirl into a, well, miscreant and misfit was the day I raised my hand in Theology class and asked “if the stories in the Old Testament are representational and symbolic, how do we know the New Testament is true? Where is the line drawn between symbolism and reality?” It was an honest question, something I wasn’t trying to ruffle feathers with, something I was genuinely curious about, as a logic question.

I was thrown out of class.

That was the day I decided this whole “religion” thing was bunk. Why on earth believe in one book and not the other? Why believe that Jesus, but not the Buddha, exists? I mean, the Bible’s an interesting book, but so is Harry Potter. What’s the difference?

Faith, I was told. And I realized then that no matter how many times I was scared into “believing” in the religion of my parents and peers, I never would. I was sick of being scared all the time, and I made it my mission to realize my own sense of spirituality. And that had nothing to do with kneeling at a pew reciting lines written by a man countless years ago.

I wish I could say that fear left me, but it hasn’t.

Stuff that *may* or *may not* relate:

• I got nothing

Why are we doing this? I have no idea…

Seriously, the idea that Christianity is defined by fag-hating, bombing, loud mouthed,  protesting, doosh-nozzles get’s me all heated under the collar.  I’m not the one to judge and say that they really aren’t “saved”… but I will say that there is defiantly some room to learn what grace is. Is sucks that your experience with Jesus followers has been primarily those stories.

I’ve had my own share of exposure to the god to fear. While my catholic school experience was sans nun, plenty of well meaning preachers and pew sitters have shared in word and action that idea of who god is: “fear him cause he’s big and doesn’t really like you or what your doing!” Thing is, when I read the bible, I don’t see the big police dick in the sky.

The book of 1 John was written by one of Jesus’ close friends. John was the guy that Jesus (during his execution) told to take care of his mom. John followed Jesus around for about three years. Then, after Jesus got up from being dead and flew away with the promise to come back, John was one of the main guys to tell people about the Jesus he knew, touched, ate with, and learned from.

Anyways, in this letter John wrote (1 John), he said a couple of things that tell us a lot about God. First, John said, ‘God is love’. Then, John said that the way we can really know what love is (and who God is- his character, intentions, cares, concerns, dreams for us) is by looking at Jesus.

When I look at Jesus, I see perfect love. Not protesting hate-mongering. I see acceptance, an open invitation to be in human relationship with anyone… I see unconditional love.

I want to be like Jesus. Not like organized religion. Not like people who have to make enemies of other human beings.

‘God is love’ has some huge implications for how I view justice, mercy, spirituality, my family, my friends… There is no area of my life it doesn’t effect. I don’t have it all figured out and I don’t have all the answers. All I have is Jesus, who shows us what real, unconditional, unending love is.

Anyways, long winded way to say I always enjoy when I can attempt to tell/show people Jesus: God who is love. For me, that’s part of what this conversation is about.

The other part is listening to what others think, feel, and believe.

You said that when you hear an ambulance, you say a prayer to your god, and the god you were told to fear. First of all, I think your showing us a glimpse of real love by praying for people you don’t know. Good on you! That is rad.

I would like to hear. About the god you pray to and how she/he is different from the god of the frighting nuns and protesting jerks.

Stuff that *may* or *may not* relate:

• I got nothing

A little about myself: I am a former Catholic, current Agnostic, who, as I describe it, had the “religion beaten out of me” during 15 consecutive years of Catholic education. My personal beliefs regarding religion are that everyone is entitled to their own sense of spirituality, but I have found that the bounds of organized religion are not for me. I have no fond memories of being a part of an organized religion. I was emotionally abused by nuns throughout my schooling, and learned that their god was a god to be feared.

I still fear that god. I still have moments in which my Catholic upbringing rears its ugly head. If I hear an ambulance (which is quite often, I live down the street from a hospital) I subtly make the sign of the cross. I talk to my god, AND the terrifying god of my youth. I also have major issues with paranoia (a completely different topic) so when things go down the crapper, I immediately revert back to that scared little girl in her uniform, terrified that this god will punish those I love because I am “a bad person.”

I am also full of piss and vinegar. I love being irreverent, I have a mouth on me that shows my deep New Jersey roots, and if I ever got the chance to punch one of those nuns, I would without a second glance. I’m also a lady, dammit.

WHY I’M HERE:

Aaron and I are friends who run in very different circles of belief. This fascinates me, as he does not fit  the “Christian” that I know; the judgmental hater who wants to bomb abortion clinics and waves signs that say “God Kills Fags Dead.” That is the Christianity I know. I’m here to open a conversation with Aaron, his readers, and mine, about spirituality, philosophy, and religion, to hopefully create a better sense of understanding between the godless heathen (moi) and the saved believer (Aaron.)

I’m also a complete smartass, if you haven’t guessed.

That’s enough out of me, I’ll give Aaron the floor now. Aaron? Why are we doing this? (“we’re gonna get crucified” joke omitted)

Stuff that *may* or *may not* relate:

• I got nothing

She wants to have a conversation with me about philosophy. her words (From the Twitters):

the Christian and the disillusioned ex-Catholic school Agnostic? Let’s talk personal philosophy, man!

I’m going to let her introduce her self, and kick this conversation off.

A couple of things:

• Miss Banshee is my friend. Usually I have very good commenters round these parts. However, if anyone decides to insult her personally, I’m gonna hunt you down and kick your ass. You will be blocked from commenting, and I will squeeze lemon juice in your eye. No warnings, no second chances. I value my friends and their thoughts, stories, and opinions. If you comment, be civil and respectful.
• This is not the forum to try and proselytize.  We are having a conversation between friends about personal philosophy/spirituality. You are welcome to listen in, comment, and talk amongst your selves. Be aware that people commenting and posting here may have different positions than you. It’s not your place to try and argue them into the “right position”. In other words, don’t be a dick and/or doosh.
• Miss Banshee will be posting her own words. I’m not going to edit anything. Her words are her own, my words are my own. “Swears” may come out (probably from me). Deal with it. We all have our own way of using language.

Alright kids, with that, I give the stage to Miss Banshee (She is a lady dammit! Don’t forget it!)

Stuff that *may* or *may not* relate:

• I got nothing

Stuff that *may* or *may not* relate:

• I got nothing

“So I’d be very careful with the idea that only the most self-defined, formally recognized institutions get to make the call on what qualifies as Jesus’ movement. I resonate with the Lutheran understanding that the church exists where the Word of God is preached and the sacraments are administered. I see all sorts of smaller movements leading up to or participating in that definition. Jesus sees his church in a gathering of two or three followers, and he sometimes doesn’t see it in the biggest church in town. So think like Jesus and have some humility on this subject. I encourage each of us to pray: “Lord show me your church as you see it.”…

“I want every Christian to find a Jesus-shaped community that is doing what the New Testament says a church should do. I don’t believe the Christian life happens entirely at church or is determined by what churches decide to do. Christians follow Jesus into the world as disciples on the mission Jesus gave us. The best churches facilitate the mission of Jesus and grow Jesus-followers who pursue that mission.”
-Michael Spencer, Mere Churchianity, pg 213.

Stuff that *may* or *may not* relate:

• I got nothing

…I’m not denying the role sermons play in the life of a church community – my point, however poorly made, is that if you are a church leader and think you are going to grow disciples by preaching @ them rather than being in relationship with them, then you are simply wrong.

Bob Hyatt and Darryl Dash both have some responses (with a little push back) to Bill’s post.

Here’s my two cents…

On the whole, I agree with Bill. You can’t expect to create people who are being transformed into the shape of Jesus by sermon-ing at them for 45-60 minuets a week (or minutes if you prefer). Even if you take 30 or 40 hours a week to study and craft your presentation sermon, preaching at people, sermonizing to them, and talking passionately about theological or life application truth will not fulfill the call of the Great Commission to, “Go… make disciples… teaching them to obey all I have commanded.” Creating disciples comes out of relationship. And no matter how good your sermon is, most of the time most of the people aren’t going to remember most of what you said. I would go as far as to say that your sermon will very, very, very rarely bring about the response your really wanting: to make disciples.

Now, I am more ready and willing than most to pitch the weekly traditional sermon right out the window. I’m all for re-imagining the weekly 40 minute presentation in 5 easy bullet points. However, I am not ready to give up routine preaching of the gospel as essential in the rhythm of creating and maintaining health in the life of discipleship. While your weekly sermon alone isn’t going to bring people into a place of walking in the steps of and doing the actions of Jesus, your preaching the gospel week in and week out is a healthy part of forming healthy disciples.

Regular gathering together to hear God’s self revelation, the story of salvation, and  our call to mission is formative: it forms a gathering of believers into a community that walks the life of discipleship with each other and wrestles together with the message, the implications, and our response to scripture. Ultimately, no disciple of Jesus is formed in a solo environment. Our relationships may (and should!) run deeper with specific people, but it is the whole community we are part of that will most influence the direction of our overall life with Jesus.

So, while your sermon on any given (or even all the given) Sunday might not create a single disciple, the weekly, rhythmic preaching of the Gospel does bind a group of disciples together, helping them identify more with each other and more with Jesus. Sure, I’m probably going to encourage you to re-imagine the way you preach, maybe go more interactive, maybe leave room for questions, maybe just shortening your sermon… but keep preaching the Gospel to the congregation you have been entrusted with.

Preaching is one tool of many used to encourage, teach, equip, and shape a community as a whole so that the individuals of the community may go and make disciples… this includes you Pastor. You are called to be a disciple and to make disciples as well. In fact, I would say if your sermons aren’t birthed out of a life of discipleship (being one and making others) your probably missing some big pieces in your sermon.

After all, only disciples make disciples.

Stuff that *may* or *may not* relate:

• I got nothing

‘Crucial to a life of Jesus-shaped spirituality is the place of Jesus as the one sufficient Mediator between God and humanity, in contrast to relying on religious institutions and rituals that insist on occupying the stage with Jesus. The radical nature of believing “Jesus = salvation” and “Salvation = Jesus + nothing” becomes clearer as we have to move through a culture where the church has attempted to replace Jesus as our connection to God.

It is not the place of a church to claim that Jesus has outsourced any portion of the responsibility four our standing or relationship with God. Whatever we mean by church membership (which I am in favor of, generally) or whatever the relative importance of church ministries, there is not a single place where the church can do more than simply point to Jesus as the complete Source of salvatuon. Once the church begins speaking of itself as “necessary”, it has overstepped.

The only necessary things are what Jesus gives freely and graciously. The only basis for salvation is Jesus and his perfect life, death, and resurrection. He is the one assurance.’

-Michael Spencer, Mere Churchanity, pg 102

Stuff that *may* or *may not* relate:

• Look to the sky while working the fields of earth… or consummation is coming
• Kingdom Themes
• He is With Me

At his core, Ben wanted to be someone special, someone who was worth more to Jacob (the guardian of the island) and to the island it’s self than anyone else. His scheming and lies never really got him that worth though. Even though he was sufficient and had everything he could want (power, money, position, control) he was constantly fighting to keep it or scheming to get more because his life was never truly fulfilled. In the end, everything he thought he had was taken away from him and given to other people. He was left with nothing.

Out of all the characters on Lost, I relate to Ben the most. I’m constantly trying to scheme and figure out how to get all I want, but in the end sufficiency isn’t going to give me the worth, purpose, value, and meaning I’m actually craving deep down. If I had all the money and things I want, all that will make me sufficient, would I be satisfied and fulfilled? No, I wouldn’t. My hunger for worth and meaning can only be filled by God. Then why do I strive, work and (in subtle and not so subtle ways) worship this idea of sufficiency, the idea that I can be/gain enough to fulfill me.

Ben used his belief as a stepping stone to get him sufficiency. When it didn’t work out like he planned, he abandoned his belief and followed another master (the smoke monster)… at least until he could get more power/sufficiency by believing in Jacobs plan again. He was very two faced, doing what suited his desires for the moment. Am I using my belief as a stone to get me something I’m craving, or am I believing, and finding my hunger filled by the Stone the builders rejected, the Bread of life?

These are hard questions to ask myself. They cut to my deepest heart, lay it bare, and show me that I’m not the kind of person I sometimes pretend to be: sufficient, having it under control, in charge of my own existence. These questions show me that I am struggling to prove my self, to hide my weakness from people, and all around self involved as if my personal prestige was what truly mattered. All in all, not the kind of person I really want to be… not the kind of person Jesus wants me to be.

I would rather be Hurley.

Hurley had money, fame, and charisma. The ‘sideways universe’ showed us that if Hurley hadn’t crashed landed on the island, he would have been everything we imagine as successful. Given the same means, power, and sufficiency that Ben Linus had, Hurley lived a much different life than Ben. Where Ben lived and schemed for his own sufficiency, position, and power, Hurley tried to use what he had to enrich others lives.

It is a huge difference of character. Ben kept trying for more; Hurley kept doing for the good of others. Ben built a secret room in his home to keep himself safe and protected; Hurley build a golf course so other people could find some enjoyment and relaxation. Ben wanted control of the island; Hurley reluctantly accepted the guardian position from a self-sacrificing Jack. Ben wanted to be reliant on no one; Hurley asked for help from Ben in protecting the island.

The way that Hurley was so others focused, so not grasping for power and self-reliance, brought about good in others lives. Most notably, Hurley brought about the beginning of redemption in Ben’s life by giving him a purpose and a position, declaring that Ben was indeed needed.

Hurley: “You were a great number two.”

Ben: “You were a great number one.”

Hurley willingly gave Ben the worth he had been looking for, even after all the hurt and destruction Ben’s scheming and striving for self sufficiency had caused.

I may relate to Ben in lots of areas, but I would rather be Hurley. I’d rather be the kind of man that uses what little or lot he has to help others find good and what they are truly looking for. I would rather have the kind of character that Jesus wants me to have.

What about you?

Who do you relate to now? Who would you rather be?

Stuff that *may* or *may not* relate:

• Death You’re a Bastard… or why there will be baseball in heaven
• Kingdom Themes
• He is With Me