It's that time of the year when the playing field is leveled. No more parking stickers needed at the beach. The great unwashed masses are finally free to wiggle their toes in that same rarefied sand that the billionaires do every weekend during the summer. And you don't have to worry about finding a $125 ticket on your windshield when you get back to your car. Ah, the joys of September.
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We know, we know. Most of you packed up last weekend and have already forgotten about the Hamptons. But for the select few, those sage individuals who know what September has in store for the Hamptons, we're providing this WeatherDesk Update. Frankly, the news could be a little better. Sunday is not looking so great, but don't fear. If you went extended season that suggests you've got a few extra bucks in the bank, which also means you can afford a day off. Friday is looking great. Take it while you can.
· 10-Day Southampton Forecast [Weather.com]
For locals in the Hamptons, every summer ends with Mimosa Monday down on Sagg Main Beach where everyone hangs out, drinks—you guessed it—mimosas, and rehashes the trials, tribulations and even a few of the pleasures that each summer brings. This is followed by Tumble Weed Tuesday when the jokes begin about everything closing down for the winter. But we didn't expect it to start this early.
Out looking for a bite for lunch, a colleague reports that Bay Burger, Townline BBQ and Corner Bar are all closed for the day. They'll be open tomorrow...maybe. Or certainly the day after that. Probably. Either way, we hope they're having a nice day at the beach because they earned it.
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The rock gods dusted off the cobwebs and stepped up to the stage at Jon Bon Jovi's end of the summer party. No less than Bon Jovi, Paul McCartney, Billy Joel, Jimmy Buffett and Pink Floyd's Roger Waters all took the stage to jam together for an hour. Bruce springsteen was there, though he missed the jam session but that didn't stop New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine from leading the crowd out on the dance floor. As one guest said: "It was the first Hamptons party in years that was actually fun." (Clearly, this guest missed the Burger Off.)
The strictest dress code of the summer was enforced at Diddy's White Party. One partygoer was forced to remove his off-white pants—in the middle of the street—and put on a more appropriate pair of completely white pants that were bouncer approved. Katie Lee Joel—Billy's wife—was also turned away at the door for wearing an off-white dress as well. Among those who showed up and passed dress-code muster were: Mariah Carey, Busta Rhymes, Donna Karan, Ashley Olsen, Star Jones and Tommy Lee.
Although Springsteen may have missed the jam session, he didn't miss the chicken salad sandwiches at the Hampton Classic—he reportedly ate a few of them (while his daughter was riding). Mayor Bloomberg was also on hand to watch the ponies, though his daughter Georgina only finished 9th in her class. Steven Spielberg and his family were also spotted wandering the Classic grounds and some woman from North Carolina took the top spot and earned $150,000 for her troubles.
· Jon Bon Jovi's star-filled Hamptons party is a rock & roll ball of fame [NYD]
· Bridgehampton Classic crowns North Carolina rider [Newsday]
· Stars Turn Out for Diddy's White Party [WashingtonPost]
· Hamptons Diary [NYP]
Bling But No Bang: Celebrate the fact that, as of Tuesday, you can no longer wear white. Everyone thought Diddy sold out earlier in the summer when he threw a mid-summer white party at the Hampton Bays club, the Whitehouse. But Diddy didn't disappoint because he's throwing the usual shindig this Sunday at his East Hampton home. The guest list will be decidedly more discerning than the last affair and $40 won't get you in the door. And sadly, East Hampton Town nixed his fireworks permit, so it'll have to be a demure, subtle affair.
Fake Breasts, Fake Blonds: Stereo by the Shore may actually have the lowest collective IQ of any spot in the Hamptons tonight. Quoth the press release: "What causes an internationally celebrated rock-icon to sublimate his ego and surrender to the irresistible allure of synthesized beats, dirty electro basslines, and searing, loopy melodies?" Stereo by the Shore, natch. Tommy Lee is DJing tonight—yeah, we know, it's kind of like watching Mike Tyson figure skate.
Big Hats and Botox: Should you feel the need to wear a big hat this weekend, we highly recommend doing it at the Hampton Classic. On Grand Prix Sunday, large quantities of money will be given out to rich people riding horses. Basically, the event is just like polo: Big tent, horses and nobody paying attention to the competition. You can, however, watch the children of celebrities (Bloomberg, Springsteen, Dobbs—we know, the last one's a stretch) on horses. Which is way more fun than going to the beach.
Happy Last Weekend.
· Tommy Lee in the Hamptons [Long Island Exchange]
· Plovers Attack! Fear Seizes Hamptons [NYM]
You pretty much knew this was coming. Perfect weather has angered the traffic gods and the back up at the end of the Sunrise Highway stretches for miles right now. But this is the only appropriate way to start the last weekend of the summer as it makes you just a little less nostalgic for the Hamptons. Welcome to the weekend.
· Hamptons Merge Cam [Hamptons.com]
So is The Patience of the Grounded: The anti-helicopter forces are building and gathering strength. "'It felt like Apocalypse Now,' East Hampton resident Kathi Goldman said at a recent public hearing." There's a movement afoot—headed by an investment banker no less—to conduct a formal study of the noise generated by plane and helicopter traffic into and out of East Hampton airport—which would be the first step towards banning or reducing flights. I-bankers, we'll see you on the LIE.
So is Your Marriage: They always trot out this little statistical anomaly at this time of year. "'People don't want to initiate something when they're in the Hamptons or in Europe,' said Robert Dobrish, a New York divorce lawyer." After Labor Day though? Sayonara sucker, don't let the door hit you on the way out.
So are The Freewheeling Sharehouse Party Days: Southampton has passed "a new law which requires that rental properties—a whole house or a single apartment—must be leased and used by a single family, and that no rental can exceed the number of persons permitted in the state's fire prevention and building code." So much for the kegger, kids.
Summer is dead. Long live summer.
· Hamptons Helicopter Gridlock Stirs Up Air Rage on the Ground [Bloomberg]
· End of the Summer, Time for a Divorce? [ABC News]
· Southampton cracks down on summer rental uses [Newsday]
Anyone who's ever suggested that Hamptonites are rich, self-centered snobs who are interested only in their own welfare, hasn't seen what investor Henry Kravis's neighbors are doing for him today.
Concerned that Kravis might be forced to sell one of his numerous abodes, the "Southampton Alliance for Monied Estates (SHAME)" is mobilizing a protest to "Demand More Tax Breaks for Private Equity Kings." The press release announcing this effort continues:
Southampton "residents" will take to the streets Wednesday to demand more tax relief for buyout billionaires, including longtime Southamptonite billionaire Henry R. Kravis, inventor of the leveraged buyout and pioneer of the trillion-dollar private equity buyout industry.
Heartwarming, isn't it? Kravis might not be as moved as we are because the gathering is actually a protest organized by SEIU, a large service workers union that has been fighting the private equity giants and their practices, which often entail layoffs when taking over companies.
We're hoping the union isn't expecting sympathy at the corner of Main and Jobs in Southampton. That's private equity country through and through. And the only thing they'll get from passersby is looks of derision through the tinted windows of Mercedes SUVs, driven by ladies on their way to the Southampton Bathing Corp. for their evening Southsides, paid for by their private equity husbands and served by people who may in fact be members of SEIU. You gotta love this town.
· Union takes LBO protest to Hamptons [Reuters]
· Hamptons Residents Concerned Buyout Billionaire Neighbors Pay Too Much Tax [BehindtheBuyouts]
The collective sigh of relief about this weekend's weather is understandable. Over Labor Day weekend last year, and the year before, we had rain. As you can see, weather perfection is assured for this weekend. And, actually, for all of next week. Consider extending your share. Or just squat—legally we can almost guarantee that you can't be evicted until the end of September.
· 10-Day Forecast for Southampton [Weather.com]
Spotted: "Thought you may want to know that everyone's new favorite chef in the world who can do no wrong. TOM COLLICHIO was having dinner on the top level of Sunset Beach in Shelter Island Saturday night with a party of 6 people. We sat right behind him at 930pm and he was eating dessert. Wearing jeans, button blue striped shirt and unshaved (scruffed out). He seems like such a cocky ass on the show I didn't care to say hello, however my girlfriend was star struck by ol baldy..."
Not Spotted: "Everyone said Jimmy Buffet was going to be at The Talkhouse on Wednesday night. He didn't show up. There were a lot pf people wearing Hawaiian shirts though."
Hunger Pangs: "Noticed late Fri night and Late last night again there is no more BONBON sign on Star Room? Is it gone? Did it fail?" [Ed. note: A couple of calls to BonBon went unreturned. We're guessing they discovered that fried chicken and a nightclub might not be as synergistic as they had hoped.]
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The view from the Montauket
The Fish Farm: Dog breeding meets geese meets seafood. This spot is not for the squeamish or those looking for fine dining and tablecloths. But if you don't mind wading through a muddy or teo, then the Fish Farm (properly, The Multi Aquacultural Systems) is the spot for some super fresh fish. Order at the little take out window, grab a picnic table down by the water, watch the sunset as you tuck into some steamers. And FYI it's BYOB. (429 Cranberry Hole Rd, Amagansett, 631-267-3341)
]]> Montauket: Yes, you could stand in a huge crowd that spills into Montauk Hwy. at Cyril's, but there's no better spot in the Hamptons to catch a sunset than at the Montauket. Sitting on a cliff, high above Navy Pond, and facing east, this is the spot to bring a lady and make her very impressed with your local knowledge. and the margaritas are wicked. (88 Firestone Rd, Montauk, 631-668-5992)Ram's Head Inn: Joanne Starkey puts it pretty much perfectly: "The quintessence of romantic, far from the crowd dining is at the Ram's Head Inn on Shelter Island. Picture a cooling ferry-boat ride, a drive along sleepy, country lanes, a sighting of ospreys on their highly perched nests and a lovely inn offering water views and good meals at the end of the journey." (108 Ram Island Dr, Shelter Island Heights, 631-749-0811)
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DePetris Liquor Store (Bridgehampton): "No, it's gone." Best Substitute: Chateau de Pourcieux, $13
Harbor Liquors (Sag Harbor): "Hang on, let me check...Nope." Best Substitute: Chateau de Pourcieux, $12.99
Amagansett Wines & Spirits: "No, I'm sorry, we're out." Best Substitute: Channing Daughters Rosé, $18.99 (Wine enthusiast note: "It's tough to find a similar one because of the high chardonnay content in the Wolffer.")
East Hampton Wine & Spirits: Hang on, let me double check... Yes sir, we have one case left. Would you like me to hold it for you?" Answer: "Yes please."
Herbert & Rist (Southampton): "No, sold out, won't be in again till the new vintage." Best Substitute: Chateau Menuti $19.99
Wainscott Wine & Spirits: "No, it's sold out for the season." Best Substitute: Channing Daughters Rosé, $18.99
Just try and beat us to East Hampton Wines & Spirits.
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Dress: For Bobby Van's happy hour
This is what happens when you give Christians a pail, a shovel and a weekend off. There's probably some deep metaphor that we could derive from sculpting the Last Supper out of sand (ashes to ashes, dust to dust...something like that), but it's Friday, so we're not going to bother.
]]> He died for your sins...
Jesus gets his close up...
Amen.
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You may notice that this weekend's weather report looks exactly like last weekend's weather report (and the one before that and so on). This is not news. What is of note, however, is next weekend's forecast. Straight up, unadulterated perfection. Nary a cloud to blemish the last weekend of the summer...and dammit we deserve it.
Set your email auto reply to say, "I'll get back to you after September 4th."
· 10-Day Southampton Forecast [Weather.com]
Southampton Town has just released its 2007 Southampton Town Hurricane Survival Guide. Things we took note of while perusing predictions of our imminent doom include the fact that there is as much info about caring for your pet as there is for senior citizens. Also, wise advice is offered for those in three story homes: "Just because your third floor is above the storm surge, doesn't mean you're safe." Offering that kind of advice does the human race a disservice. If someone is dumb enough to try and stay on the third floor of their house, then they deserve to die. It's called Survival of the Fittest, where the weak—and in this case stupid—are culled from the herd.
The above map was also worth taking note of. Other than the pretty shades of yellow and red, there's a direct inverse between how rich you are and how screwed you'll be if a hurricane hits. That's some kind of biblical justice. And if you take a close look at this map, pretty much everyone is in trouble. North Haven is completely under water, ditto Sag Harbor and don't even look at the ocean side. Billions of dollars well underwater.
Like our main man Jesus said, the first shall be last and the last shall be first. Or at least oceanfront.
· 2007 Southampton Town Hurricane Survival Guide [Town of Southampton]
Interested in a gigantic martini glass filled with "seafood-focused" paella? How about a new hybrid luxury sedan? Or maybe you're yearning for new luggage? Whatever it is that you want, somebody has made it and slapped a Hamptons-related name onto it. Much like sex, it seems Hamptons also sells.
Among the most egregious offenders is the Montauk Martini, which you can order at Table, a New Jersey restaurant. From the review: "Step beyond the door of the strip-mall storefront and have a head-shaking experience. Table... doesn't have a storefront attitude, a storefront appearance, a storefront casualness." Ah yes, haute strip mall dining. "The menu follows course, with lots of posh offerings. One incredibly popular item is the Montauk Martini, which, at $48, is a seafood-focused take on a paella served in an oversize martini glass."
]]> Much like redheads are predicted to die out sometime around 2060, it was around this time that it was predicted car companies would run out of names for their cars. That's the only rational explanation for why Lexus has chosen to name their new GS540h the Bridgehampton. Bridgehampton, as it's noted, is "a hamlet known for horse racing and golf courses. With a median income for a family of $74,583, according to Wikipedia, I guess I can understand why Lexus decided to name the car after them."Nieman Marcus alone has dozens of products with Hamptons in the name:
If you're keeping track, that's the "Hampton Table," "Hampton Bracelet," "Hampton Linens" and Hampton Lamp." Don't know about you, but just looking at all of these items makes us think beach.
This, of course, is just the merest of samples. You can find just about everything short of sex toys named Hampton [insert generic product here]. But sex toys might be the most appropriate thing to name Hampton, because if you buy any of theses products, you're really taking it in the ass.
· TABLE (review) [Asbury Park Press]
· Lexus GS540h [AutoSpies]
We all know they can strut the red carpet looking pretty, but you may not know they can also jet ski while looking pretty—or at least fairly pretty. Thursday's the big day for the second annual Princess Race, so if you see Tinsley in a kayak or Fabiola on a surfboard, stay calm and realize they're doing it for charity.
The socialites usually don't venture far from the comfort of their Fendi, but for the second summer in a row they'll be competing in disciplines ranging from water skiing and tubing to surfing and kayaking. Among the ladies expected to compete are Fabiola Beracasa, Annelise Peterson, Charlotte Ronson, Countess Lu Ann De Lesseps, Stella Schnabel, Tatiana Platt, Caradee English, Hoymayra Sellier, Jaci Reid, Elletra Rosselini, Sessa Von Richthofen, Sandra Ripert and Tinsley Mortimer.
If you're wondering what could compel the ladies who lunch to risk their perfectly pedied toes or coiffed curls, it's a charity called Innocence in Danger, which protects children around the world. We're expecting big things out of Tinsley as she's a fierce competitor (and we hear she cheats). Fear not, we'll have full race coverage on Friday.
· Innocence in Danger
It's that time of summer when the horse people arrive. They're easy to identify as they're the ones who not only don't think their shit doesn't stink, they also think their horses' shit doesn't stink. Break out the big hats ladies and pretend you know what the Hunter/Jumper competition entails.
· Borat in the Hamptons [YouTube]
Earlier in the summer there was a tempest in a teapot when the Cinema Society's Andrew Saffir and incumbent screener Peggy Siegal scheduled movie screenings on the same night. They made nice-nice in print, but below the surface, it was obvious that there was tension. Since then, all has been calm and other than a few party pics floating around, the screenings by both seem to have been excuses to eat popcorn and not much more.
Then, two weeks ago, Siegal held a well-attended (read: big names came) screening of The Kingdom. This past weekend, Saffir raised the bar again and brought out the really big guns for a screening of The Good Night, Gwyneth Paltrow's brother's directorial debut. Breathy write ups in The Post and The News followed, along with ample silhouetted coverage in New York mag where the boldfacers are asked about their dreams. (Our favorite is James Lipton's response to the question: What's your favorite recurring dream? “When I was covering ballet, I dreamed I was flying. I would jump into the clouds, and then I would levitate.”) Among the others who made an appearance were Chris Martin, Paul McCartney and daughter Stella, Billy Joel, Christie Brinkley, Dina Merrill, David Geffen, Sandy Gallin, Ed Burns and Christy Turlington, Donna Karan, Kyle MacLachlan, Kate Capshaw and Blythe Danner.
Saffir took a commanding lead with this one, so all that remains to be seen is Siegal's rebuttal. And she's never lacking for a rebuttal.
· Sneak Peek of The Kingdom [Plum TV]
· Gwynnie Offers Sympathy [NYP]
· Side Dish [NYD]
· The Cinema Society's Screening of ‘The Good Night’ [NY Mag]
· And the Winner Is: Siegal vs. Saffir in the Saturday Night Screening Battle [The Beach]
That ruddy glow that plenty of Hamptonites are sporting these days may have more to do with rising blood pressure than overexposure to the sun. The gilded lily may be losing a bit of its shine with the rising sub-prime mortgage market taking more than just a bite out of our resident Wall Streeters' year end bonus checks—housing prices in the mid- to lower-end of the market are actually starting to fall.
Until the past few weeks, East End brokers were denying left and right that there was any kind of East End bubble—in fact, to even suggest it was to earn the wrath of "the family." Now, Diane Saatchi, head of Corcoran's East Hampton office, says, "The shakeout has already begun." She already has buyers cutting their asking prices by hundreds of thousands of dollars and she's predicting a 20% decline for—in essence—everyone who's not on Gin, Further or Lily Pond Lanes. "More and more, this feels like a correction."
Let the bloodbath begin.
· Housing Woes Hit High End [CNNMoney]
We’re catatonic here. We’re lying in a hospital bed somewhere, tucked in tight underneath white sheets, and a cute nurse is sticking a pin in our left big toe and we’re not even feeling it. It’s that bad. What happened? When did the Hamptons become as exciting as a stick of unsalted butter? Where are the good old days when gays were harassed on Asparagus Beach and Lizzie Grubman drove over people at clubs?
This isn’t some idle rant. We have the facts to back this up. So before we chart our demise, like responsible researchers, let’s take a look at the big stories of Summer ’07 before jumping to any conclusions. And try and stay awake here.
]]> Story 1: The SOCIAL concert series at The Ross School: $15,000 for a ticket to see five concerts. Wow! Let’s discuss this endlessly. Can you believe someone would pay $3,000 to see Billy Joel in concert? No? Neither can he. Snooze. Story 2: Hillary Hits the Hamptons: This has happened every summer for as long as we can remember. She didn’t even show up for the first two events of the weekend and Bill was a bigger draw than she was. Story 3: Piping Plovers: First they canceled the fireworks, then Ralph Lauren “harassed” them. Verdict: No one but the East Hampton Star and plover monitor, Latisha “Kill Joy” Coy cared. Story 4: The Weather: It’s been perfect. There was one rainy Saturday. It’s not even a story. Story 5: A Couple of Restaurants Opened: Tutto Il Giorno opened in Sag Harbor and the food is hit or miss. Townline BBQ opened in Sagaponack and the food is good. Check please… Story 6: Oh, wait… there is no Story 6.That’s it. That’s all that’s happened in the Hamptons this summer. Even the heirheads—Paris, Lindsay et. al.—haven’t had the decency to at least get arrested out here. The Hamptons have become such a commodified, packaged, celebrity-appearance driven series of vanilla events that we’re beginning to wonder if they have a pulse left.
In years past, we used to have some fun. Martha Stewart used to start huge landscaping fights with the neighbors. We could count on Fabian Basabe to swing from the rafters at Star Room and scream racist insults at the bouncers when they kicked him out. The rich guys down on Further Lane weren’t afraid to complain loudly and publicly about gays having sex on Asparagus Beach. The publicist spawn of powerful entertainment lawyers could be counted on to mow down people in line at a club while calling them “White Trash.” Catching Peter Cook chasing underage tail while still married to Hamptons princess Christie Brinkley was always a possibility. Hell, now Cook is only chasing—if not age-appropriate ass—at least of-age ass. Ira Rennert built one of the biggest homes in America and pissed off all of Sagaponack and most of the Hamptons. Some guy used to run down the beaches and flash women and Georgica Pond, backyard of the billionaires, was mysteriously drained in the middle of the night. There was the murder of Ted Ammon—tragic, yes, but a scandal in the classic form when the contractor was implicated. Nowadays, we’ve got nothing going on. Where have all the good times gone?
In conclusion: Here's a plea from those of us who like a little controversy with our vacation experience. Will somebody please do something wildly inappropriate this weekend? We’ll owe you one.
· Joel Can't Get into a Concert State of Mind [NYD]
· Who Pulled the Plug in the Pond? [NYT]
While perusing Hampton Style's latest Index (and learning things like a "Distinguished-benefactor table for ten to Robert Wilson's Voom Zoo Benefit" costs $50,000, while $2.19 will get you a gallon of milk at the IGA in Amagansett), we were strangely drawn to the interview with cover girl Ali Wentworth. Why? We're not sure, though we may have to investigate our attraction to women in swimming caps at some point.
Mainly, we're wondering how Wentworth ended up marrying George Stephanopoulos. She's wacky—not like Edie Beale in Grey Gardens wacky, but certainly a little off kilter in a harmless, fun sort of way. George? Not so much. Also, is crabbing as much fun as she makes it out to be and are we missing out on something here?
Also of note in the issue: Ruminations on lasering off your pubic hair, a late-season assessment of Tutto Il Giorno (it needs a little work), and some quality time with Nick Kraus from The Talkhouse.
· Hampton Style [Danshamptons.com]
It might be Lyme Disease If: You experience generalized fatigue, muscle and joint stiffness, swollen glands and headache.
Boredom Explanation for Symptom: This is an easy one to confuse with a hangover and it's happened plenty of times. How many shots did you have last night? Did you mix any combination of beer, wine and liquor? Drink some Gatorade, take a few Advil, rest. If symptoms persist, have a Bloody Mary.
It might be Lyme Disease If:Additionally, as the disease progresses, the nervous system can develop facial muscle paralysis, abnormal sensation due to disease of peripheral nerves and confusion.
Boredom Explanation for Symptom: These are the exact same symptoms produced by eating too many hot dogs because there's nothing else to do because—what else is there to do? Has your nitrate intake been extremely high over the past few days? Did you consume an entire pack of Boar's Head Black and Tans in one sitting? If so, it's not Lyme Disease. Switch to burgers.
Final Note: We're not doctors. If you think you have Lyme Disease, go see a doctor. If you're just bored, don't worry, the summer is almost over.
· What are symptoms and signs of Lyme disease? [Medicinenet.com]
Fried dough fetishists have long known the pleasures of fresh Dreesen's Donuts made every morning at Scoop du Jour in East Hampton. In fact, there was a near revolt a couple years ago when Dreesen's announced they were closing up shop. But the donuts have survived and are given a fitting homage in this vaguely odd, but ultimately touching and heartfelt work.
· The Gentle Donut [Plum TV]
We're kind of speechless here but compelled to ask: What happens when you give a drunk girl a magazine to run? Piles of fun, natch! The latest issue of Hampton Daze hit the street and this baby has a serious case of fetal alcohol syndrome. You don’t even have to venture past page three, where you’ll find the publisher/editor’s letter from Jessica Mackin to see what we’re talking about.
Recounted—in what is the Best Editor’s Letter of the Summer (full letter after the jump) is the launch party festivities for the Hamptons’ most inebriated rag. We’re going to pull out just a few of the gems contained within, and we’re going to highly recommend you pick up a copy if you can find one.
Scene 1: The Star Room: “They gave us a table and two complimentary bottles of SKYY 90 Vodka. Can’t complain about two complimentary bottles of vodka!!” And nothing goes down as well with a shot of vodka as a dose of hubris: “We met tons of people who LOVED our magazine. But really, who wouldn’t?” Hmmm, how about anyone with a full set of teeth?
Scene 3: Heading Home to Hampton Bays: Oops. Those crazy kids left their car keys in the cab the night before so they had to take a quick trip out to Montauk to retrieve them.
Scene 4: The Boardy Barn: The girls decide they "have to make up for all the classiness the night before" (that would be the classiness of the Star Room, btw) so they head to the Boardy Barn which is merely the place to go a few hours before you end up in the drunk tank. "There is no list, and while we might get the VIP prices on beer, getting in, we get no VIP treatment. Whatever, lines are FUN!"
Scene 5: Some girl's pool: Rosie decides some of the girls aren't pretty when they're wet. "See, some girls are pretty wet, and some are not, even if they are pretty in real (dry) life."
Freakin' genius. Read the entire letter below.
· Hampton Daze
Remember that scene in L.A. Story where Steve Martin is the weatherman and he just prerecords the weather for the weekend? We’re doing that from now on. So enjoy this one while it lasts, kids, because this is the last WeatherDesk post we’re doing this summer. It’s going to be sunny and perfect; the mostly sunny day they’re predicting for Sunday is going to be completely clear just like it was last Saturday when they said it was going to be partly cloudy. Ditto for the rest of the weekends this summer. Hope this was as good for you as it was for us. Fear not, we'll still keep an eye on the traffic.
]]> Weather for August 18th to 19th
Weather for August 25th to 26th
Weather for September 1st and 2nd
· 10-Day Forecast for Southampton [Weather.com]
Meet Dr. Seth Gordon, a New York pediatrician who spends his summers in the Hamptons making house calls and treating sick kids. So Mayberry/Norman Rockwell. So heartwarming. Nothing to give us pause here. Except for "well-known hair colorist" Sharon Dorram-Krause's rationalization about why she uses Dr. Gordon.
An eerie sense of calm has descended over the Hamptons this week. Children are sleeping peacefully through the night, old ladies don't fear walking the streets alone at night and criminals are afraid to show their faces. It can only be due to the arrival on the scene of Preppy Superhero, David Lauren.
How can we draw such a conclusion? Frankly, it's the only way we can explain the outfit he wore to polo last weekend. That is definitely a costume—a superhero costume. The only thing missing are the tights. Let's briefly deconstruct: the white blazer, not damning enough alone, but add the emblem on the pocket and you're in the zone; the white polo shirt with—correct us if we're wrong—the extra-high collar; and the piece de resistance: white short shorts.
What are his super powers? We're guessing the ability to pop a collar in a single bound, run faster than a speeding 1959, black Porsche Carrera and coordinate multiple pastel colors into a single outfit. Sleep tight Hamptons, you're in good hands.
· Bridgehampton Polo à la Ralph Lauren [Fashion Week Daily]
Despite recent downgrades in this season's hurricane predictions, Dr. Stephen P. Leatherman, Director of the International Hurricane Research Center (the same guy who rated two of the Hamptons' beaches in the top 10 in the U.S.), has now come out with a new ranking that we shouldn't be so happy about being included in. Taking 8th place in the U.S. spots most vulnerable to hurricanes, Eastern Long Island is the only place north of the Mason-Dixon Line to receive the honor. Our fellow nominees:
1. New Orleans, Louisiana
2. Lake Okeechobee, Florida
3. Florida Keys
4. Coastal Mississippi
5. Miami/Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
6. Galveston/Houston, Texas
7. Cape Hatteras, North Carolina
8. Eastern Long Island, New York
9. Wilmington, North Carolina
10. Tampa/St. Petersburg, Florida
Most blatantly obvious observation in the report: "The fear is a return of a 1938-type Great Hurricane that generated a 15-foot storm surge that overtopped and pancaked the barrier beaches (which now are crowned with waterfront mansions) and flooded the downtown villages of Westhampton Beach, Southampton, and Montauk."
This is the only reason you should be happy your rental ends on Labor Day.
· 10 Most Hurricane Vulnerable Areas [Scribd.com]
Every once in awhile, The New York Times will run a story about some quack, thereby giving said quack an air of respectability. Case in point: Dr. Debi Warner, who was in the Hamptons last weekend to study the sandcastle contest. Warner is a self-styled "renovation psychologist," which means she specializes in counseling couples who are renovating their homes. Her mission: "To provide aid to the 'human side of the hammer,'... and to create 'fearless, considerate renovators.'" We've read that line fifteen times now and we're seriously considering gouging out our eyes with a blunt stick so we never read it again. This is what is wrong with America. When a middle-aged woman in black spandex and a safari hat can spend an afternoon talking to eight-year-olds and claim this can give her insight into home remodeling, we're screwed.
Contemplating dropping a few bucks to buy into the Hamptons' real estate market? Forbes counts two East End spots as good places to plunk down the bucks: Water Mill and Amagansett/Napeague. In their ranking of the "Best Places to Buy a Vacation Home," in the northeast, Water Mill ranks 1st with a median home price of $1.38 million and average appreciation increases of 21% since 2002 and the Amagansett/Napeague area ranks 3rd with a median price of $862,129 and average appreciation of 20% since 2002. No mention, however, about what will happen to property prices in Napeague should we have a hurricane and your house ends up well below the waterline.
]]> Yet another spot is being called the "New Hamptons," but this time it's a lot closer to home. Fire Island has earned the moniker based on two developments: Prudential Douglas Elliman has opened an office there and buyers want air conditioning and service on their Blackberries. A few visibly nervous real estate brokers are interviewed about the arrival of Prudential on the island and they also note that buyers aren't interest in renovation projects and they want move-in-quality houses that include many of the amenities that you'd find in the Hamptons.The super rich living oceanfront have demonstrated a blatant disregard for the 10th commandment, which urges us not to covet our neighbors property. This week Robert X. Sillerman, whose company CKX controls "American Idol" and Elvis' "Graceland," bought his neighbor's 4.5 acre property on Meadow Lane for $30.5 million. Around the corner on Gin Lane, Josh Harris of Apollo Management, bought 2.7 acres next door to his home for $25 million. He plans to build a "compound" on the combined properties.
We can only hope that he has the foresight to consult extensively with Dr. Debi Warner before beginning the harrowing renovation process.
· Today a Strong Wave, Tomorrow a Teardown [NYT]
· Best Places To Buy A Vacation Home [Forbes]
· Fire Island: The Next Hamptons? [LXTV]
· In the Hamptons: Buying the House Next Door [WSJ]
If you've ever driven out to the lighthouse on Montauk Point you've undoubtedly seen the giant radar dish at Camp Hero that looms over the easternmost point of Long Island. For most, this is of only passing interest, noted briefly and then forgotten. There is, however, a small faction of conspiracy theorists who believe that all sorts of experiments went on at Camp Hero involving everything from aliens to time travel. Google "Montauk Project" and the index of insanity is impressive. Now comes a new documentary that's sure to further the cuckoos' cause—or at least add fuel to the flames. All we can say is, burn baby, burn.
· Camp Hero State Park [Wikipedia]
· Montauk Unveiled: Teaser Trailer [YouTube]
A quick thanks to all of the fine brands that have advertised across the Curbed network of sites during these dog days of summer. If you're interested in joining them, please click here for more info, or feel free to drop us a line at sales@curbed.com.
· 20 Bayard
· 100 W. 18th
· Bay Burger
· Chelsea Modern
· Highlands North Fork
· ING Direct
· Innis & Gunn Beer
· KL Wines
· Metro Homes
· Newport, NJ
· Parrish Art Museum
· Platinum NYC
· Stuyvesant Town/Peter Cooper Village
· The South Group
· Trulia
· Trump Plaza New Rochelle
In brief, a bit of the music related news happening in the Hamptons...
Other than having one of the ugliest divorces in recent memory, Paul McCartney and Heather Mills are also giving East End hosts and hostesses headaches. McCartney and Mills have been in the Hamptons for a week or so now—he's been spotted at a gym in Amagansett and she's been seen at a gym in East Hampton—but no one can figure out who to invite to the party. One source told the Daily News, "We were expecting Paul last weekend, although he didn't show. But we were specifically keeping Heather off the guest list in case he came. There is no way those two can be in the same place in public."
East Ender Edgar Bronfman Jr.'s Warner Music Group is seeing some hard times at the moment—which is not exactly shocking news for the mainline music biz. What did raise a few eyebrows though, was his recent investment in Bulldog Entertainment Group, the company behind the Hamptons SOCIAL concert series. According to a FoxNews report: "He’s been a ready presence there ‘til the end of each show, too, monitoring everything that goes on from catering to celebrity seating. It’s drastically more attention that he’s given WMG."
While Tommy Hilfiger works on his tan in the Caribbean for the month, Mariah Carey will be taking up residence in his Further Lane home. Carey dropped a mere $350,000 for a month on the 5-bedroom, beachfront abode.
· A Beatle's Reunion [NYD]
· Madonna's Label Hits All-Time Low [FOXNews]
· Carey Me Home [NYP]
Assuming you didn't drown this morning, you'll be happy to know that the weekend is looking pretty good. Earlier in the week there was a chance of showers which has now been downgraded to completely clear on Sunday and only partly cloudy on Saturday. (Sorry shopkeepers.) This mean two things: 1) It's going to be sunny this weekend. 2) You should go to the beach.
· 10-Day Forecast for Southampton [Weather.com]
If you're anything like us, you spend hours each week trying to figure out how to shave off all your body hair. Ass, crack and back, baby. Also, everywhere else. Which is why we were so happy when we came across this new razor from Phillips called the Bodygroom. It's the first gay razor. Seriously.
All of those images you see above are from the Phillips web site. We had no idea there were so many other men out there struggling with complete body shaving as well, but we're enormously comforted now. After taking the "Test Drive," which entails shaving a bush (yeah, a real bush), you end up with the lovely forms above. And there's plenty of other titillating tit-free fun to be had (like the lengthy discussion of how to gain your "Optical Inch"). Hours of fun ahead.
· Phillips Bodygroom
We started watching this YouTube diamond that we spent hours mining for your viewing pleasure today (no guilt required, the only blood spilled in the process was our own—from our eyes) before we read the title. More up-island, MDMA-infused, muscle-boy ravers was the brief thought that flashed through our heads for a second. Then the magic began. Then we read the title: "The Hamptons - Summers Beach Club 1987 Labor Day." A twenty-year old classic—big hair, Madonna-inspired fashion, aviators and (undoubtedly) piles of high-grade cocaine.
· The Hamptons - Summers Beach Club 1987 Labor Day [YouTube]
A much-needed, post-Clintons calm has settled over the Hamptons. Just about everyone had an opinion on their East End appearances and as we've combed through the coverage we've come to the conclusion that pretty much everyone is saying the same thing—which isn't much. We did, however, come across one very interesting take on the fund raising free for all.
The BBQ brains behind Morris and Jaci Reid's Friday night fete whipped up quite a menu, which included "hamburgers and cheeseburgers, pulled pork, barbecued chicken, grilled chicken breasts, corn, bbq beans and three kinds of bbq sauce." Pictured is the plate of food—the actual plate—that Mr. President made off with at the end of the event. Not a bad haul with pulled pork, a cheeseburger, corn, beans and bbq chicken. What Bill's cardiologist would have to say about this plate is another matter and, sadly, no word on how many pulled-pork sandwiches Hillary managed to eat.
· On the Darkside: My Night of Cooking Barbecue for Bill Clinton, Part 1 [the hampton smoker]
We often find ourselves struggling with the ephemeral question of how good a weekend we're having. Usually, we have to spend a minute or two thinking about it. Other times, not so much. For instance: this weekend, all it took was for a cute girl to paddle by on a longboard with two Coors Lights tucked into her bikini. Yes, it was a good weekend.
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Michelada: For some, the idea of adulterating a beer with anything is sacrilege. There is though, one reason that even purists like us would consider taking such measures and that's to kick it up a notch. A little salt, some lime juice, and a little hot sauce and Worcestershire sauce and you'll be saying, Ay caramba!
· Michelada [FoodNetwork]
Pimm Pomm: The British have always been astute imbibers and we Americans could certainly take a few tips when it comes to Pimm's, a spirit they're fond of, and we hardly drink. Pimms, pomegranate and a Granny Smith apple is all it takes for a little afternoon delight.
· Pimm Pomm [Forbes]
Mint Julep: Yeah, the Derby is over, but that's no reason not to fix up a pitcher of mint juleps. It's hands down one of the finest ways to enough a bourbon and the buzz isn't bad either. Super simple, and seriously good.
· Mint Julep [3000 Drinks]