It’s the downside of living in a small town like our beloved albeit overly lauded Cville that after a few years you feel like you’ve either worn out your welcome in every restaurant/coffee shop worth your patronage or the welcome has worn you out -  and you’re just itching for the vibrant hostility of a big, alienating city like New York or D.C. Something different.

This tendency towards claustrophia – and let’s face it, boredom – gets intensified when you have children, because your Going Out options are that much more limited by the very small amount of child-friendly spaces around.

You find yourself having nightmares of giant turtles topped with screaming tots (Cville Coffee) or cringing at the UVA colors (Hoos Brews) and lying to your children about the Discovery Museum (it’s closed now, kids) because there is frankly little left to discover (the balls still go up and down, yay gravity, yadda yadda) and its attending carousel reminds you of your own trapped feelings of going around and around and getting nowhere (the horses are sick, honey) and anyway you’d rather ride the seven equines of the apocalypse than debate with your toddler about why he cannot climb the locked gate and give himself a ride, though maybe you should let him try, talk about an intense version of a playpen, right?

That’s why going to Arch’s on Emmet Street today with my 4-year-old daughter for lunch and a treat was so nice. I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of it before. The menu features great kid-friendly selections – Jo got a grilled cheese cut into easy-to-handle triangles on a cute fish plate that made her giggle. The prices were totally doable – much more reasonable than our usual hangouts. And the upstairs is inviting – spacious, full of light, and colorful. The walls were decorated with kid paintings, and there are couches, free wifi, and two balconies. Jo loved the skylights and the view — “It’s just so different!” she exclaimed.

All in all, quite a pleasant experience, and it was utterly delightful to break out of our routine habits without having to go too far out of our way.

So, I was Googling myself this morning – another thing to do while job-hunting, so you can see what prospective employers are learning about you – and something to do that feels like you’re working but isn’t really. You know, for those sluggish moments.

Well, Self-Googling (if not a term, it should be) always has struck me as a kind of surreal exercise – like peering into all of the alternate universes that could have been your life.

For instance, there’s the Amy Marshall Dance Company. I actually did spend most of my childhood dancing – so it’s always funny to think that that maybe could have really been me.

I try not to let the success of all the other Amy Marshalls out there get me down.

Today I saw a new Amy Marshall, and this just delights and flabbergasts me: her job title? Chief Reality Officer.

!!!

Taking a look at her bio, she’s a hot-shot marketing exec, but I’m wondering if I can steal and reinvent the position.

As Chief Reality Officer, I could really shake things up, on all sorts of levels!

• I could tell politicians to Get Real about healthcare.
• I could sanction magazines for publishing very un-real versions of real stars on their covers.
• I could encourage policy makers to embrace the reality of climate change.
• I could ticket superficial snots for their facades and lack of true decency.
• And I could embark on a global campaign to get everyone dipping more into real reality with their relationships and communities instead of being so latched to virtual reality of the computer and television screens.

As Chief Reality Officer, I could really – really! - make a difference!

And that’s an alternate universe I’d love to see coming up on Google someday…

Anyone hiring?

Advantage #345 of being out of work: You can take time off from biting your nails in front of your empty email inbox to go stuffed-kangaroo hunting.

(Yes, I’m trying to look on the bright side of things, especially after a new acquaintance told me yesterday that The Secret really did work for her, and while I felt like saying that as far as I’m concerned The Secret is Money, Wealth, Power, and Connections – none of which I have – and to tell The Secret to go screw itself – I am not being my flippant, negative self but yes, trying to be positive. So. Not so secret but definitely better than being a bitter whine-o.)

Back to the story. I have no idea why I thought it was a good idea to let my almost four-year-old daughter take both mama and baby kangaroos with us on our trek to the downtown library, and then why I let the baby ride in my pocket, which it promptly fell out of on the way.

After many tears, I promised we would find the joey, and, on our way home, we did. My daughter scooped it up and fell asleep in her stroller, while I mulled over my joblessness.

Well, when we got home, the joey was gone again, and again, many tears and promises of finding it again.

But seriously, what was I thinking? The kangaroo is the same color of all the leaves that have just started falling from the trees along Locust Avenue, and just as small. I didn’t notice the darn thing falling out of her lap – obviously having the keen eyesight of an owl is not one of my strong points (though I have many – stay positive, Amy!) – how the heck was I going to find it AGAIN?

Today I ran and reran yesterday’s route, scouring the ivy and wincing at the drains, my heart aching for the poor kangaroo. The whole time I was searching, I kept trying to have hope; we found it once – certainly a miracle could happen again – right? Or is that kind of serendipity non-repeating?

I jogged along, feeling all the worry, anxiety, and fear focused on the stuffed animal that’s been plaguing me about not finding a job. I couldn’t find the kangaroo. I can’t find a job. My luck feels like it’s run out. Secret or no secret, having hope and enough energy to keep on looking feels not only hard but foolish. And it feels like if I were only better, if I’d been more prudent, if I’d done this or that, I wouldn’t be in this situation, letting everyone down…

I don’t know how I’m going to tell Jo about the kangaroo. We have plenty of little animals the mother kangaroo can adopt. I can invent a story about the Teeny Tiny Fairy finding the joey and taking her to a safe tree. I could go out and purchase a similar-enough looking toy to replace it. I could hope she forgets.

The thing is, I was so glad the first time we stumbled upon the lost kangaroo, because it felt like a lesson in trusting the universe, in finding what is lost, in hope. But not finding it a second time seems an equal lesson in the complete opposite direction – you can’t always get what you want. The universe is not always benevolent. Sometimes we lose things we love, despite all our best intentions and hard work. Despite all our hope and good energy.

The secret of happiness isn’t getting what you want. It’s following your bliss and learning to love what you have, let go of what you have not. I can’t control the job situation, but I can accept that it is what it is, and enjoy the ability to kangaroo-hunt in the meantime.

It’s not as easy an answer as I’d like to know for myself or teach my daughter. But probably, as the kangaroo’s disappearance proves, it is a more accurate description of the nature of things.

Goodbye, little joey. I hope you have found a happy home.

And hey, future job, I’m going to find you, someday…

I was chatting with friend and local business owner of Sugar Snap Consignment today, Vijay, about how g’s great to do all this online marketing and social media outreach, but there’s a whole demographic of people who don’t necessarily spend a lot of time online… and how do you reach them?

I know when we were first starting Cville Working Moms, I felt this sense that I was reaching out to folks on PNOC and other online groups, but that there’s plenty of working mothers in our community who may not have a computer or internet access at home, and maybe not a lot of opportunity to check email or sign up for a group, but who still need support.

But I didn’t know then and I’m not sure I know now how to break out of my cultural category – coffee houses, Facebook – so I welcome ideas… ?

This site rocks. I read about it in my daily Ideal Bite email newsletter, and clicked when I saw it featured ideas for sneaking in the healthy stuff.

I’m not really a sneaker. I out the broccoli, right in the open. I believe in getting kids used to a variety of tastes, and in my daughter’s case, colors.

But they don’t eat! I’m worried!

So I’m going to try one of these… just for my own conscience?

So yesterday I lost my health insurance. The COBRA from my last job ran out. And I don’t have a new job to replace it.

The ironic thing is, the prospects for health insurance don’t look much better than just coughing it up at Prompt Care. I know at least two people with job-provided health insurance that has such high deductibles, it’s almost not worth it.

And another friend of mine was researching purchasing health insurance on his own, only to find – he’s one of those people who combs through all the tiny print – that every single one he investigated has a clause saying they won’t pay if you get sick.

Which, I thought, was the whole freaking point.

So, no health insurance, what do you do? Some ideas:

• Take vitamins.
• Wash your hands.
• Cross the street carefully.
• Ignore lumps and pains.
• Turn into a Christian Scientist.

When I was a kid, my parents were impoverished missionaries by choice, but we lived in California in the 70s, and there were free clinics everywhere.

One of my exes took a lot of Niacin and Goldenseal to deal with tooth infections when he didn’t have dental insurance.

In my head, the line from that song: You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone

I think I would like all politicians to experience this. And to know that not having health insurance – or a job – is not a function of choice or delinquency. It can happen to the most industrious and well-intentioned of persons… just like poverty, homelessness, cancer…

So, if you’re germy, stay away!

I’m off to do some tai chi, visualizing a robust immune system…

Stanford did a study and found multitaskers are less productive!

Now, “working moms” tend to promote themselves to the workforce as being ‘cable ready’ with the multitasking abilities employers seem to crave like candy these days – so why, you ask, am I joyous about this study, which might be damning to those of us who have to Do Everything All the Time?

Because I think multitasking is often a sham. Very few people really do it, and very few people really do it well.

Usually, multitasking means:

- I’ve got a good excuse for forgetting something

- I’m too busy to deal with you

- I can’t prioritize

- I’m not focused

- I’m disorganized

- I don’t know how to say No

- I’m reluctant to hire enough staff, so instead I’ll make one person do everything

- I believe that stress is a way of life and I’m willing to put myself and others through it

These days, if you use a computer, you’re a multitasker. You have ten tabs open, you’re Twittering and Tumbling and Fb-ing and emailing and maybe even working; you’re deleting all the Forwards of cute cuddling animals from your inlaws while you discuss the peanut policy at your kid’s preschool on the phone while you instant message your office mate about the toilet paper missing in the bathroom while you scribble a dinner recipe on your calendar.

But if I were an employer, I would want to know if, counter to what is now the norm, can you focus and do one thing at a time and do it well? Can you be thorough? Can you complete a task?

I personally am one of those people who can get lost in a novel that I’m writing or reading, get wrapped up in a daydream or idea that I’m developing, get honed in on a job task I’m finishing, and burn the green beans on the stove and not notice my toddler is peeing on the floor and totally miss just about everything else. It’s a curse – and a gift – that I have that kind of ability to concentrate amidst chaos. One that I don’t tout to prospective employers, because it sounds antithetical to the multitasking they desire.

But sometimes you need to be able to switch gears from one to the other.

So I say – if you’re a true multitasker, awesome.

But if you’re really a better unitasker – be brave. Admit it. Own up to your truth. And cite this study if you need to for proof that not being great at multitasking doesn’t mean you’re a poor worker.

Now being a  mother… I need to learn to put the book down when I’m cooking…

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Apparently, men are losing their jobs more than women are during this “economic downturn.”

Not surprising, really – because most of the jobs lost have been in the construction and manufacturing sectors, which are mostly populated by men.

The USA Today article notes that

Women are more likely to work part time than men, perhaps making them less vulnerable. Approximately 25% of women work part time vs. 12% of men, Mission Residential chief economist Richard Moody says.”When employers are actively cutting hours for the workers they do keep, it could be that those already working part time have a bit more security … as they are not likely to be receiving benefits and in general, are likely to cost employers less than full-time workers,” he says.

It’s great to know there’s an upside to being the underdogs in the workforce, isn’t it?

Now, the NPR story did wonder if, as women become the primary breadwinners of US households, if employers will start offering more childcare/eldercare benefits – and if the equal pay cause will get a boost.

I doubt it. Not to be bitter, but it doesn’t look promising. If the reason women are more employed now is because they make up the majority of teachers, nurses, health aides, secretaries, housecleaners, daycare providers, etc., it’s not exactly like they’re in some power position to broker additional perks.

And those of us who are not in a two-parent household, while we may have that part-time job, well, while that’s better than not being employed at all (maybe?), not having benefits or the wages of a full-time job may push us or keep us hovering around the poverty line – and stressed out.

And, isn’t it funny?

- That women are still the primary caregivers for children and the elderly – when are men going to fully engage in this? Until they do, I don’t see employers adapting policies to help with either -

- We still have such gender-segmented workforce populations? Will that ever shift? Will the guys down in IT ever get more than one geeky girl? Will the construction crew ever feature a host of buff women? Our stereotypes are so intimately tied to the jobs we do – still…

As you may know, I abandoned this blog (sorry again, oh faithful fans!) when I decided to stay at home with my kids for a little while. While I definitely didn’t stop “working,” in the true sense of the word, I certainly wasn’t in the Workforce – so I felt that blogging in this particular arena clashed with the reality of my life.

Well, I’m back working again, but now a new crisis about identity – my online, virtual identity, that is – has emerged about blogging here.

Am I completely comfortable with this label? “Cville” “Working” “Mom”? Is that the sum total of everything I want to write about?

Certainly not; if we look back at my posts analyzing the gender tensions in Mary Poppins, or review some of my personal stories – I have never restrained myself within the confines of pure ‘working mom’ topics for very long…

So, what’s different now, you ask? Well – it’s a feeling, I’ll say, of being burdened by a definition. And: There’s a ton of “mommy blogs” out there now, especially working mom blogs. I’m not sure I really feel up to being part of the fray.

So, if the title conflicts with the content, you might say, Just start a new blog.

Problem is – this one has a history, a readership. And if the name has felt overly constrictive at times – well, that same constriction has also provided shape and purpose.

What do you think? Should I get back on the Cville Working Moms wagon and drive her wherever she goes – or start fresh, with something more open-ended?