:: at this moment ::

finding perfection out of imperfection

2008-10-11T18:40:00.003+08:00

finally i know what is the meaning of irreversable.

sometimes saying sorry can't really help much.

i had made mistakes in the past.

what if. what if...

hope time will heal the wound.

hope we can accept the imperfection to find perfection.

i'm urs

2008-09-01T16:50:00.002+08:00

i've moved on...

i'm now forever yours...
i hope u can be forever mine too...

miss ya...

Which Punctuation Mark Are You?

2007-09-02T14:27:00.001+08:00

Your Score: Exclamation point

You scored 61% Sociability and 47% Sophistication!

Yes, you are fine around others. Fine. But you wish you could have just a *little* more alone time. Okay, well, a lot more alone time. In fact, you'd be happier if you didn't have to go out nearly as much. You get along very well with the period, who tries mightily to take up as much of the load as he can. But fools will not listen. You want to scream, "Cut it out, for the love of Safire!" But, all of that notwithstanding, you do your duty. And, if sometimes you feel like a Chicago street hooker, you also remember that you really do have an important role to play. Your soul remains pure. Hold your head high!

Link: The Which Punctuation Mark Are You Test written by Gazda on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

my personal dna map

2007-05-18T19:10:00.000+08:00

再一次擁有 - 龔詩嘉

2006-10-03T21:32:00.000+08:00

我想念去年的冬天下著雪的那一夜
你給我的溫暖緊握的雙手溫暖整個寒冬

失去了曾經的擁有在你離開以後
帶走了笑容只留下寂寞忘了幸福是什麼

沒有你的夜特別漆黑
只能閉上雙眼去感覺
沒有我的夜誰在你身邊
代替了那個從前

能不能再聽一次你說愛我
回到還再你懷裡的時候
能不能讓我在一次擁有
曾屬於我的溫柔

無條件為你

2006-07-28T20:07:00.000+08:00

愛你等於擁有　一片天空任何風吹草動　
都有你存在其中自然而然的輕鬆

*一路到　夏天的尾聲
無所謂　到過於激動
我們有笑容　我們曾心動
不再是　無動於衷

#無條件為你　不顧明天的安穩
為你變堅強　相信你的眼神
不敢想　不敢問　有一天壞的可能

無條件為你　放棄單獨的旅程
為你堅強　就不怕犧牲
我的靈魂　如此沸騰　為我愛的人#*

喜歡複雜還是　習慣單純
我願盡力完成　你在我心中幾分難以形容的責任 repeat*

愛一個人　付出才會完整
無條件　越愛就越深永遠不分　啊 repeat#

The Five Love Languages

2006-05-21T04:59:00.000+08:00

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		9
Quality Time:		7
Acts of Service:		5
Words of Affirmation:		5
Receiving Gifts:		4

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

titanic 2... muahaha

2006-04-25T16:33:00.000+08:00

大城小愛 - 王力宏

2006-04-19T01:45:00.000+08:00

歌手：王力宏作曲：王力宏
填詞：王力宏/陳鎮川/K Tee 編曲：王力宏

烏黑的髮尾　盤成一個圈
纏繞所有對妳的眷戀
隔著半透明鬥簾　嘴裡說的語言
完全沒有欺騙

屋頂灰色瓦片　安靜的畫面
燈火是妳美麗那張臉
終於到所有流浪的終點
妳的微笑結束了疲倦

千萬不要說天長地久
免得妳覺得我不切實際
想多麼簡單　就多麼簡單
是媽媽告訴我的哲理

＊腦袋都是妳　心裡都是妳
　小小的愛在大城裡好甜蜜
　唸的都是妳　全部都是妳
　小小的愛在大城裡只為妳傾心＊

烏黑的髮尾　盤成一個圈
纏繞所有對妳的眷戀
終於找到所有流浪的終點
妳的微笑結束了疲倦

千萬不要說天長地久
免得妳覺得我不切實際
想多麼簡單　就多麼簡單
讓我大聲地對妳說　I'm thinking of you

REPEAT＊

那回程的票根　妳留做紀念
不必害怕面對離別
剪掉一束頭髮　讓我放在胸前
走到哪裡都有妳陪　相隨

REPEAT＊＊

烏黑的髮尾　繞成一個圈
纏繞所有對妳的眷戀
那一種寸步不離的感覺
我知道就叫做永遠

谷歌

2006-04-16T06:35:00.000+08:00

this is google's chinese name... which really sounds terrible, coz it juz has no link to wat it actually does and its have to pronounce... song of the grain/song of the valley, both also no link leh... lastly, it sounds like 股沟... sick...

www.buttcrack.com <-- best search engine in the world, lol x 1000

my bleach character...

2006-04-16T00:06:00.000+08:00

Take The Quiz Yourself!

no more

2006-04-14T04:27:00.000+08:00

the story of -=k=- has ended, thanks for everyone who has been supporting the story... hmm, so wat shld i do next? nothing for the moment bah, rushing for deadlines and exams are coming, no time to study lah... kld*#td^@%^rew$#dfc@(e_@#@!...

story of -=K=- :: part 54 (end)

2006-04-05T14:15:00.000+08:00

Everyday K was sad.. but in his heart, there is still T who kept him going.. Every second, every minute, K goes on for T.. many a time.. he thought about what can he do to show that he truly loved T.... and he began to type this story... day and night. Each part of this story took tears and pain to write... Each part of it left many emotions stirring within him....

The next day... K reached home... and received a message from t... it said... " I am sorry I cant accept your present " It shook K. K could not do anything else.. he stopped doing whatever he was doing and was stunned... He couldn't think straight. The only thing he could do is to call T... and they talked... K asked.. "can u tell me why u cant accept my present?" T replied.. " I asked him, and he said he would not be too happy about it... I can understand how he feels.. how jealous and sad he would be, so I chose to respect him and not accept your present.."

K felt that pain go through him.. he felt it hard. Just because of a single sentence he said.. K's efforts for many weeks are all wasted... Is this fair, K asked in his head... but K said.. " why? Please don't do that, I have spent a lot of effort into making it for you... " but T said.. " I can fully understand how u feel, I know u put in effort, but if u want me to be happy, u shouldn't make my life difficult..." that was what T said.. and K , felt an intense pain deep within... He said. " just because I have hurt you, u didn't want to take my present.. just because I have hurt you, its ok to waste all my efforts from doin it.. Just because I have hurt you, u have all the reason in this world to hurt me back..." when K said this, he was just saying what he felt... but T said something that put him down even more...

T said.. " so u are still like before, tinking that I am hurting you cos u have hurt me?" this sentence hurts K so much.. T sees him as such a person... Why would k ever think that way? It was the most insulting thing that T could have said to K... Up till that moment T still couldn't see how much K was suffering when he said that... But K beared with it.. he said.. " no, I don't mean that.. I meant that all I ask for is for u to accept the present which I had put in so much efforts in... u have a right to hurt me, yes you do, cos I have hurt u before, and I know whatever I say is useless, so I just hope that u will accept my present just like someone who likes you..

but T said.. " no... I can't.. I can't make him sad, I am with him , I should make him happy.. If I am Very enthusiastic about getting your present, I wont care what he said... but the fact is.. I am not .."

This put K down again... but he realised he is just a piece of dirt to T now...T said.. " please don't waste anymore time on me.. at the end of it, when its all futile, u will feel like u are the silliest person on earth..." So K put down the phone... with a grief that no one knows except him... But he could take it.. He could take everything that T threw at him... because.. because he love T.. just like T took them last time... this is really a tradgedy... After putting down the phone... he msged T.. " yes I am silly, but I have only been silly for a month, while u have been silly for 1.5 years."

T replied.. " maybe I was too harsh, but I still wont accept your present, stop wasting your time on me.. good night. "... It was so clear cut , so cleanly put across.....

K thinks about T all the time.. he thinks about how T is passing her life... how she is feeling inside... deep inside.. K want so much to touch her inner feelings .. K knows T is still the same T.. she is only suppressing her feelings and trying to immune herself by studying.. no matter how long it takes.. T would never find real happiness till the day the hurt is removed....but for K, he will never find real happiness too.. till the day the hurt that he had caused.. is removed from T's heart. K is still here.. waiting for T.. he will love her.. cherish her and treat her well.. all these are no longer empty.. the only thing that is empty is K's life, without T.....

So when T read this story, all K hope... is for T to know.. who is the one that truly loves her.. and trust love once more... it isnt that difficult to find real happiness.... With someone u love... the path of true love never did ran smooth....

There is no ending to this story yet now.. it all depends on the only and only one who deserves to end it.... Happily or sadly, and that is T.... when T reads this part, K knows in his heart, that his heartfelt words, had all come across to T.... It is not easily fabricated... it took pains to piece all of this together... when T reads this line, hopefully, she knows that K is still there waiting for her.... K hopes that when T finished reading this story, she would just give him a call... not to demand for anything... just to hear.. what she would like to say to K...

The end

零與零之間 - 鄧麗欣 (Stephy)

2006-04-03T20:10:00.000+08:00

這首詩　畢竟寫愛一字
記憶鎖匙　應該一試
時空之中不肯將我記得清楚
狂風怎麼吹不去還是我

＊未放低　怎會去轉身
　未抱緊　冰冷了氣溫
　沒有心深愛記念　怎麼當真
　怎麼走更近

　沒記憶怎告訴你知
　若有天可從零再一次
　沒法相擁之時　還不太諷刺＊

說不知　不懂不愛不是
我心奔馳　終於一試
寒冬之中不肯將我抱緊心窩
何解當天總不對還是錯

REPEAT＊

如你說記念也都交給我　喚醒這個我
能再說句　未記起當天受罪
看過去　夜雨冰封下墜
風急不必再追　枯乾一堆眼水

未放低　怎會去轉身
未抱緊　冰冷了氣溫
就算這刻再發現　終於看真
多麼相配襯

若記憶觸碰我的心
若有天可從零再一次
沒法相擁之時　還不太諷刺

未發生的當時　如果更機智

分不開的兩個人 - 品冠

2006-04-03T00:28:00.000+08:00

那些事都像在眼前那条巷子想睡觉的夏天
合力提一个袋子一边走一边吵
一边想起一辈子

*傻瓜会觉得从前像那张压在抽屉的相片
扔掉了又捡回来忘记了又想起来
当护身符保佑幸福从不曾离开

那一夜哭了两三遍这几年绕了三四圈
明明分不开的两个人明明爱就在我身边

两三遍走回那条街三四圈全是你的脸
分不开的日子再找不回
最亲爱的最靠近的离最远*

挂断了变空号的电话停止脚步过一半的马路
存一整年的孤独一下午全涌入
有多久没这么哭

Repeat *

哭了两三遍绕了三四圈
明明分不开的两个人明明爱就在我身边

两三遍走回那条街三四圈全是你的脸
分不开再找不回
最亲爱的最靠近的离最远

story of -=K=- :: part 53

2006-03-27T21:44:00.000+08:00

On the 3rd of february,2002, K called T in the morning... he asked T... whther she would accept his valentine's day gift..... And T said . I will accept it.. like any normal friend who gave me.. And K asked.. " then can I meet u on that day to pass u the present?" and T said.. " I have school on that day.. I don't know , I will try to see whether I can meet you ... as a friend." T specified as a friend... but K was more than happy..." Hearing T's voice was more than enough... he had changed totally... They chatted... and K was tearin in his eyes again.. K was never such a crybaby, but whenever his emotions is evoked when talking with T, he will tear... he had become such a freak...

K said.. " I don't know if it sounds lame to you.. but if one day u will die unless I die, I would do it... " and guess what T said? T said.. " and I would rather die than live through the hurt again... It is too terrible.. too horrid... I cant even remember anything happy about us.. the hurt covered it all... " when K heard this.. tears flowed down his eyes... He knows how hard it was for T to take... he would never cause another pain to someone he loved so dearly again...

If time could be turned back, K would rather suffer himself than make T suffer... he said.. " U were 1/2 the reason why I live on... so when u have left me, it was as though I had lost my other half.. I couldn't go on anymore.. I really wish that we could turn back time, and things could be changed totally..." but K knows, if he hadnt gone through all these, he would not have learnt... he wouldn't have changed.. now he has.. and its only because he is made to go through the loss of T...but K was happy that T is willin to accept his present..

K asked T a question... " Do u believe that I truly love U?" and T replied.. " Yes..." K can sense the suppressed love T still bears for him... he knows it.. but every second, every min, the hurt had covered it all up... after they put down the phone.. K msged t.. " I hope we can go back to the times where I hadnt enlisted... we were so happy then... " T replied.. " if only u had not enlist, things might have been different..." K didn't know what she meant to this day.... But no matter what she means, K will still be right there waiting for T...

story of -=K=- :: part 52

2006-03-23T01:11:00.000+08:00

Although K did all these, it was just as what the girl expected, it is not goin to have any effect on T... K knew it ... but he did it... just like T did last time.. it was not returned... T kept telling K that she knows how it feel to give and be hurt... and she doesn't want to hurt the other guy... but K knows how it feels too- believe me. K knows how it feels ... now.

The feeling is simply heartbreaking... now he finally realises it. He had become a stronger person... at the expense of T's wounded heart. K knows.. in t's heart, he is still there... but T would not give K another chance... for fear that she will get hurt another time.. but only if she knew ... if only she had a magic mirror to see what was K like, how he dealt with things, how he talk to ppl now, how he carries himself, how he changed, she will know... she will trust him once more...

Every single night.. K sent T sms... good night sms... each single day.. K would wait till it was night.. before sending her an sms... To show that he is still there waiting... From then on.. K changed his Mp3 playlist. No longer was it trance and techno... it had only a few songs... songs that describe his feelings.... And one of it is.. " right here waiting.. " he will be right here waiting for her no matter how long it takes... " K changed his Icq nick too... he changed it to rightherewaiting.... He hopes one day, one fine day, T would call him.. and say... lets be together once more... he knows his destiny with T had not ended yet....

But as time goes past... K slowly began to nurture the pain... each day, he lives to type this story.. each night, he lives to send T one sms... each second is lived on to know that there is still T living.... K doenst know how much he love T, he just know it by his actions... Never had he had such actions before... It was like as if he was living for her... but what about T? T had become someone who keeps studying... K talked to a mutual friend of them... from there.. he learnt that T had become someone who concentrates so much on her studies.....

So one day... K msged T... K said.. " If u can change till u are someone who keeps studying, It is also possible that I have changed..." but T replied... " I have not changed.. I only placed my priorities right..." Each single day passed.. and each time K hoped that T will msg him at least a good night... Every time K reached home.. the first thing he would do is to send T emails ... emails that doenst demand but show that he cared... Everytime K is missing T, he would write down on a piece of postcard....

There was one postcard tht he had given T... it is something like that.. " I can see that u are happy now.. I can picture u going to lectures with him.. I can picture u going out with him ... it is really a happy picture... I cant give u anything now, so I just hope for you to be happy... but please remember... that I will always be right here waiting for you.. u will always be the one I love most... and the words XX, XX, are the words that mean everything to me...." XX is T's name...."

There was once when K's good friends talked with T... they found out about everything... for K... when they asked T whether she still had feelings for K... T often said evasive replies... like I don't know what the future holds... and replies like.. take it that I don't... but deep inside... K feels it.. K feels that T still loves him.. whenever K talks to T.. he can sense it.. he can sense the feelings that T is forever trying to suppress.. this hurts him a lot... The T that he knew never suppressed her feelings.. from the first day that he knew her, he knew she would never do such a thing... from everyone , K knows.. K knows that T is unable to forget the hurt that he had caused.. .the hurt that T had gone through had built a barrier around her... Not daring to love again...

T herself said.. " I also don't know why I became like that.. I became someone who is afraid to love , I never liked to study.. but now what am I doing? I am immersing myself in my books and projects, trying to numb myself.. studying is so horrid, I don't like it at all.. but I would rather study that remember the hurt that u have caused me.."

K remembered every word that T said.. K knows how hard it is on her.. and he loves her dearly and wants to change that.. If T would give K another chance, she would know how easy it is to ease the pain.. and relieve the hurt. The more T tried to suppress her feelings.. the more horrid she would feel.. she will never find real happiness. K knows it.. K knows what T is suffering emotionally.. she may not show it.. but she is not truly happy... she always say that she is happy now.. but K knows.. K knows when she is all alone and lonely and doenst have anything to keep her occupied , her sadness flows in again.. If K could take the pain from her and live it himself.. he would do it....

story of -=K=- :: part 51

2006-03-21T01:01:00.000+08:00

K waited for what seemed like eternity.. he waited for T to call her.. he didn't know how long that was.. but it seemed a very very long time..before T called.. and when T called.. K was silent. He couldn't start singing right away... he was very emotional at that time.. when he sung.. he had tears in his eyes.. but he still sang.. he sang from the first word to the last... and when he finished... he put down the phone... without saying bye... Just as he was picking himself up to leave... he received an sms.. which said.. " thankx , you can go home now.." and that was it.. that was all T said... T also said.. " please don't sit outside my door,, go home... "

For all the time that K was looking for T, T kept asking him to go home... K didn't know what that mean then... now he knows.. T didn't want K to do all these for her , she thinks its all too late... But no, nothing is too late.. K knew T too well.. she was not a hard hearted girl.. she was a nice girl who had to protect herself as she was hurt.. T said before.. " I know u only too well.. if I had gone back to u when we just broke up, u will never have changed.."

But K had something to say too... it is.. " Happiness is not that difficult to achieve... if u can trust love once again " ... K took his leave... and went home...

Initial OK??

2006-03-13T13:05:00.000+08:00

got this from carareok, the first place i can think of to shoot the video will be the road behind science park, and i am right... hahaha... but then its breaking traffic rules leh, double white lines cannot go across u know...

story of -=K=- :: part 50

2006-03-11T14:55:00.000+08:00

K went to look for T..... while going to look for T.. he felt really terrible.... He was so afraid that T wouldn't meet him... He thought to himself.. what should I do if T doesn't want to meet me? Wait below her block? Wait till the next morning? K prayed and prayed... why was he doing that? He asked himself... If T didn't want to see him then he would have to leave it to the letterbox again.... he called T when he was at the mrt station... but T said she would call him back...

So K began to walk the 15 mins walk..... halfway thru walking, T called... K said.. " can u come down to meet me now?" But T said.. " no I cant.. its too late at night for me to go out..." but the time was only ten... so K asked.. " please, I come all the way to pass something to you... please meet me for a while k? 5 mins is all it takes..." But T was determined not to meet K... T said.." no...don't make me feel like u are pestering me..." but K said... " if u r not going to meet me... I will wait downstairs for you... no matter how long u take.. I will wait.. " T said.. " like that, u are forcing me again... " but K said.. " no.. I am not forcing u.. if u dun wish to come down.. don't come down... " and T said.. " fine, u can wait for all u want, let me tell you, I will not come down to meet you., u will only be wasting ur efforts... I am goin to bath now.. bye.. "

K didn't know what kept him going.. he just walked and walked ... every step he took drained his life away from him.. it was depressing to know that T would say.. " no matter how long u wait.. I will never come down... " it struck him hard... but not hard enough for him to turn back. Never in his life had K become so mad before... he never never written love letters.. he had never do things like bringing things to a girl like that before... he had never waited for anyone below her house... he had never did such things to a girl... but now, he is doing it.. K's love made him change.. When K reached T's block.. he didn't know what to do again... He knew that T would never come down to meet him... and so he sat there... he waited... he waited... but he didn't know what was he waiting for, he was not waiting for T.. he was waiting for nothing. T didn't care that he was there.. he knew it.... But still he sat there like a fool....

After about 1/2 an hour... K decided to call the girl whom had analysed everything so well for him... he asked her.. " how? What am I going to do now? She wont come down.... " The girl said.. how did she sound when he said she wont come down?? K said.. " she sounded very stern.. and harsh... " then the girl said... " ok... she will not come down, dun bother to wait... just go put the stuff in her letter box.. and leave... or u could go up her house and leave it at the door.. and wait for her to open then talk to her..."

K decided that this is what he is going to do ... and so he left the stuff outside the door and stood there n waited for T. he wanted to sing the song for T too.. that is why he wanted to meet her.... K sent T an sms... " I left it at your door.. " And So K waited... he waited n waited... when he waited, he thought about the times he was at T's house... there was once when K went to her house ... when her cousin was in... and T let K sleep on the floor as he was tired... there was once when K went to her house for a meal cooked by T's sister in law.... It was a salty beef steak.... Those were the times when he felt like staying over at T's house.... During exactly the same time last year, K had went to T's house for chinese new year too.... T's mom cooked lots of nice food for them... and gave K a red packet... which was exactly the same amount as what T received from K's dad.... It all flashed in K's mind....

But suddenly... K realised that those were only past images, the present was the exact opposite... K kept looking downwards at the area below ... he looked and he looked.. he thought at that time... if T didn't bother to come to the door... why don't he just jump down and die? But that was just a stupid comtemplation. K would not do that.. if he did that.. it wasn't dying for love.. it was dying for stupidity... if he died, he will never get T back ....

So K waited.. and waited. He waited for T to open the door.. he knew she wouldn't expect him sitting outside.... So when T opened the door, she was shocked.. T was wearing a dark colored nightee.. the type that she always wore.. and T had a pimple on her face... K remembered everything about T .. but they had broken up. When T saw k.. she said.. " please don't do this... my parents are at home.. " But K replied.. I am here only because I wanna sing u a song... please... Just as K was about to start, T said.." no..please don't sing... my parents are at home.. " K said... ok... I don't sing... but can u call me so that I can sing to u?

And T replied.. ok....

story of -=K=- :: part 49

2006-03-04T00:46:00.000+08:00

K took the mrt home... The train was so crowded, yet K felt so lonely... Everyone seemed to revolve around K... he was getting smaller by the minute... He sat there motionless for the whole journey... thinking and thinking.... Never one moment did he stop thinking or regretting.... K's friend had to meet a client... and so she left.... So K was all alone... alone in the whole wide world...

Without T.. K had lost the most important thing he ever had.. That night.. K called the friend who told him about the situation of army guys and their gfs in uni...... and talked... and asked for advice... She told K.. " it is not that easy K.. u have to show her that u have changed.... But even if u have changed, she might not believe u anymore ... because u have hurt her before... "

K said.. ""i know I am wrong... but I know she still has feelings for me.... If she could trust love again... nothing is impossible... " but K's friend, who was such a great analyser.. said.. " Even if she still loves u in her heart, she is already suppressing it.. she doesn't want to come back to u for fear that she might suffer like before.. .Even if one day the things u do manage to touch her... she may still not come back to you... because she might feel that the other guy would do better to take care of her... and even if one day the guy left her... she might still not come back to you... u have hurt her too much... eventually she might end up with another guy....

Are u sure u really want to still not give up? Do u know what that means? That means ... if u give and give and give and give.. and in the end its all to no avail, can u take it? Can u take the pain? The hurt? And its not going to be a few weeks or 1 month.. It could take so long... It could take so long.. and are u sure u can do it? Its not easy K...”

K was perplexed.. but he knew what he wanted to do.... He thought... poor T... she had become like that.. all because of him.. that look of T when he saw her kept flashing into his head... she had become such a freak.. and it was all because of him.. She had turned into a girl afraid to love... all because of him.. and she , T , had given so much into the relationship but got nothing in return... If she can do it for so long... K could do it too... K loved T ... It was then did he realised how much he loved T... T loved K , and so she could give unconditionally... and now.. it was K's turn... it was K's turn to give unconditionally... whether or not T is going to be moved.. or touched...

Another friend of K sent him an sms... she said.. " don't give up. If last time she can wait so long for u, hoping that u would learn to appreciate, then now its time for you to wait for her.." This message, although simple... is what had kept K going .... Till now...And so K replied.. " I will... I will touch her one day.. no matter how long it takes.... "

One morning.. K woke up... he woke up very early.. in tears... and started to write a letter to T... K said many things in the letter... all about how he felt.... How he took it.. how he got past that horrid time.. but K made it very clear to T... he said that he would wait for her no matter what it takes... And with that... K kept the letter and put it into a present wrapper that T had given him... K was a sentimental guy.. he keeps all of T's presents wrappers in a paper bag... so he took one of it.. and wrapped the ugly looking piece of paper.... Although it was an ugly piece of paper... It was the foolscap pad that T had bought for him .. from her school.. It was the last gift that T had bought for K besides the mouse... it was the last meaningful gift... K still remembers why T bought the paper for him.. cos K said.. "I want your school foolscap pad.." and T bought a foolscap pad from her school... a normal foolscap pad that could be bought from any popular bookstore.... But T wrote... with her handwriting... the initials of her school on the cover page of the foolscap pad... K would never use the foolscap pad anymore... he would only use it ... on T... he will never finish using it... he couldn't bear to.... K brought the piece of paper and wanted to give it to T that night.... That day.. K thought what could he do to let T know how he feels... so he thought and thought...

K remembered a song.. which he and K loved very much when they just fallen in love... the song title was "everytime"... K was a good singer... so he decided.. to sing the song for T that night.... K and T had never went to a karaoke before.... And since the day K and T broke up... K visited the karaoke at least 3 times a week... to sing ....

This is what life means... when u have a chance to do it... u don't.. and when u have lost the chance, u no longer have the chance to do it anymore.... So K went to find out the lyrics ... as he found out.. he typed it into a document..... the lyrics were so meaningful for K... K chose this song to sing to her.. because of the lyrics....

It goes like this...

Everytime

Lately i'm not who i used to be
Someone's come and taken me
where i dont wanna go
If i knew.. exactly what i have to do
in order to be there for u
when u are feeling low

And all the things we ever wanted
were once yours and mine
Now, i know we can revive it
all the love we left

Everytime i kiss i feel ur lips
Everytime i cry i c ur smile
Everytime i close my eyes i realise that
Everytime i hold ur hand in mine
The sweetest thing my heart could ever find
And i have never felt this way
Since the day i gave ur love away

Save me, i fallen from my destiny
U and i were meant to be i've thrown it all away
Now u are gone
It's time for me to carry on
But baby i just cant go on
Without u by my side

We can survive it
All the pain we feel inside
U relied on me and now i've let u down
Now, i promise u forever
I will be the best i can
Now i know we can revive it all the love we left

story of -=K=- :: part 48

2006-02-22T03:19:00.000+08:00

K was stuck there for a while.. watching T leave.. to watch T leave sap K of all his energy... Every step T took away from K, K could feel his life draining away... finally , T was not in sight anymore... K had no more energy.. he sat there... and didn't know what to do... all that have happened seemed like yesterday... His head was in a flurry of thoughts. But as he sat there.. he kept thinking... how to make T realise that he had changed.... So from that moment on.. he told himself.. " I am going to do everything I can to show T that I truly love her, and that I have changed... no longer am I the immature freak that I was..."

K wanted to wait below T's block so that he could accompany T to school the next day... So K called T and asked her what time was her lessons tml.... And T said 10 plus.. K said... ok.. let me wait downstairs so that I can accompany u to school tml... But T didn't want that. T told K to go home... T told K that if he did that, he would only be forcing himself on her.. an she didn't want to feel that way about K...K said.. " if u want me to go.. I will go..." and K went home... K messaged T a lot of times that night... telling her how much he had changed.. and how much he loves her.. but T was immune to everythinga lready.. T's heart no longer bear emotions... her emotions were suppressed by the very soul of herself. But K knew it was all because of him that she had become like that.... The sight of T last night is enough to make K sad forever. That was a T that seemed so lost, so disillusioned, so hurt and so lifeless.. If it was because of K that T become like that... K was a sinner... K made up his mind... to try to get T back...

The next day, K didn't book in, he took leave... early morning he woke up... and started to write a postcard to T... he wrote a short postcard... telling her what is he doing now and thinking of.... An extract would be.. " just woke up... and start to write this thing to you... am going to the bubble tea stall later.. I don't mind taking leave and bringing it to u ... its worth it." And K set out to the bubble tea shop where they had spent happy times together... When he reached there... the stall wasn't opened yet... so K wrote another postcard to T... saying.. " I am at the stall now... hope that u like the drink..."

After K bought it... he decided to call T.. the time was close to ten... T said that she needed to go to school at ten plus.... But when K called T.. T had already went out.... T was already in school with her bf...K said.. " I wanted to give u something this morning...didn't utell me that u are going out at ten plus?" T said.. " ya, but I decided to go out earlier.. go to school earlier... " K was so sad... he had already bought the bubble tea for T... so he said.. " can I bring something and pass it to you in your school?" This time.. T sounded harsh to K.. she said.. " NO, what am I going to do when he sees it? U are not making me any happier u know."

And K realised one thing... the moment T had another guy... it would be 10 times harder to make T realise that he had changed... and so.. dejectedly.. K put down the phone....but before he did it... with his last ounce of energy... he said... " can I bring it to your house and leave it in ur letter box?" T didn't say anything more.. she simply said.. " up to u" and put down the phone.... K had the first setback... he became sad again. Waking up in earnest to do something for K.. and was put down.. this was the first time he felt so lousy... and useless.. He was nothing. T treated him like dirt... but K loved T.. he didn't mind being treated like Dirt this time... If he took so long to appreciate T, why should T appreciate him with his first effort?

And So K travelled all the way... and left the postcards inside T's letter box... But on his way there.. he wrote a third postcard... which werent decorated or drawn or colored... he was too depressed to decorate it. It only had one sentence... which wrote.. " Although I didn't manage to see you... it is still worth it..." Sadly... K threw away the bubble tea...

At night.. K send a message to T.. he told her.. " no matter how busy u are.. I hope u open ur letter box... I went to ur place just to put that in ur letter box... "

That after noon.. K was the saddest man on earth. He felt so lousy.. he couldn't do any other thing.. He met his friend.. from the same school as T.. and talked to her about everything... K felt like dying.. he didn't have any more strength... and this friend, told K to give up... its not worth doing all these while she is treating u like dirt now.. please wake up K.. she said... but K couldn't give up..

He thought about how T and him were together last time.. he thought about how great that relationship was before he enlisted.. he thought about all those times...He went to have lunch with his friend.... And while eating... suddenly K's friend told K that the guy is a rich guy.. and could provide for K... n have a car too.... When K heard this.. he was shattered again... He thought.. and he thought... when he heard that.. he could not eat anymore... he had only eaten a mouthful...

K's friend lied to him. She wanted him to give up... Seeing K in such agony hurts her a lot.. Everyone who saw K during that time couldn't bear to see him suffer anymore.. The only person that could bear to see K suffer was T..... But also, the only person that would suffer for K was T too. K's friend lied... She wanted K to know the sad reality that T is already with someone else..

K thought in his head.. " what a happy sight... someone going to lectures together with T.. someone going for lunch with her everyday.. someone who could be there and take care of her everyday... drive her home... going out after school.. provide for her needs as he was rich... pay her bills... etc etc..."

When K thought about all these.. he realised that he could not give T anything... All he had was his love.. and T didn't trust his love anymore... He thought... " if T was happy with all these, then he would give up... and wish them all the best..." He hoped that T was really happy with him... So K picked up his handphone... and msged T " I know he is rich and have a car... if all these are important to u and u really like him, and have no more feelings for me.. I will give up ..." T took some time to reply K... but when she replied... she said.. " He is not rich and doesn't have a car.. I will love him.."

When K saw this sms... it was as if a thousand stones crumbled on him...While he was crossing the road.. he didn't even look at whether there was any cars... luckily.. K's friend pulled him back.. or he would have met with an accident at town... T hardened her heart.. to make K give up.. But not K... he would not give up... and so he called T... he said.. " Do u really not want to give me another chance?"

T replied.. " yes..dun force me..." K said. " Is he really that good? I don't know, but if he comes in at this time.. either he is only playing with you.. or he is just taking his chances... The people that gets the girls are pple like these...please do not be fooled... " K didn't know why he said this... he was in pain.. intense pain.. When T heard this.. she was pissed... and put down the phone abruptly.....

落花流水 - 陳奕迅

2006-02-21T03:53:00.000+08:00

曲：Eric Kwok / Eason Chan
詞：黃偉文
編：Eric Kwok / Jerald

流水像清得沒帶半顆沙前身被擱在上游風化
但那天經過那條提壩斜陽又返照閃一下遇上一朵落花
相遇就此擁著最愛歸家生活別過份地童話化
故事假使短過這五月落霞沒有需要驚詫

流水很清楚惜花這個責任真的身份不過送運
這趟旅行若算開心亦是無負這一生
水點蒸發變做白雲花瓣飄落下游生根
淡淡交會過各不留下印

流水在山谷下再次分岔情感漸化做淡然優雅
自覺心境已有如明鏡為何為天降的稀客泛過一點浪花
天下並非只是有這朵花不用為故事下文牽掛
要是彼此都有些既定路程學會灑脫好嗎

流水很清楚惜花這個責任真的身份不過送運
這趟旅行若算開心亦是無負這一生
水點蒸發變做白雲花瓣飄落下游生根
命運敲定了要這麼發生
講分開可否不再用憾事的口吻習慣無常才會慶幸
講真天涯途上誰是客散席時怎麼分

流水很清楚惜花這個責任真的身份不過送運
這趟旅行若算開心亦是無負這一生
水點蒸發變做白雲花瓣飄落下游生根
淡淡交會過各不留下印但是經歷過最溫柔共震

havnt seen such a good lyrics for a long time, so as the song... as quoted from a website "《落花流水》是一首利用落花流水這種非常詩意的景象，比喻兩個人相遇時間的長短並不重要，最重要是你懂不懂得去珍惜." its all described in the song...

story of -=K=- :: part 47

2006-02-14T16:26:00.000+08:00

K asked T..." why didn't u have a heart to heart talk with me? Why didn't u bother to do so? If u still love me u should have done so... " and T replied. " I tried to get it across to u many times that I am hurt but I still love you.. it was you who rejected me so many times..."

K was at a loss for words... All along he thought that it was T who wanted to leave him... K asked.. " I thought thatt u didn't want to commit anddidn't want me anymore... I thought that u wanted to concentrate on your studies... but when I heard that u are with another guy now, I can't help but feel cheated... Why did u do this to me?"

T said " when I told u that, I really meant what I said.. but things just happened... I don't know if I am serious or whether he is just there at the correct time, but I am with him now." K replied. " why are u with him? Do u really love him? Is he the one that u really like?" T couldn't find an answer... T could only say.. " I don't know what to say and what I like about him.. maybe I cannot rememeber at this point of time.."

K asked T.. " Do u know how hard I took it when I found out that u are with another guy? It was so hard to take it... I tried to tell myslef to be strong and forget it.. but cant.. why? Because I love you... I didn't know that u wanted to find someone else.. I thought u will only concentrate on your studies... but u lied to me..."

T said.. " I wanted to concentrate on my studies.. and I am doing that now..." K asked. " why is everything like that? Do u know what I thought? I thought that u don't want me anymore.. that was why I didn't try to salvage our relationship.. I thought u wanted to be single.... "

K thought about the times when T said.. " since I met you, I don't want to be single anymore.." but now.. K could only hear.." Its better for us to be friends..." K was shattered... he was in tears for the whole time he was talking to T. K said.." if I had knew that it was me who had hurt you so much, I would have come n looked for u sooner... I never knew that it was my hurtful words that caused u to become so cold... I love u dear... U will always be my dear... With tears, K said the words in his heart... for the first time.... He no longer used his mouth to speak from that day onwards...

t was on the verge of tears.. but she didn't cry...

she said.. " why did u tell me this only now? Its too late.. K.. its too late... If u had come sooner and told me all these, things would have been different... I had waited for u for a long time.. since the day I broke up.. no I mean u broke up with me, I have been waiting for u to do this... but when I said I loved u and u didn't believe me the other time, I was hurt once more... U were still so defiant that it was my fault... U were so accusing, and u didn't believe a word I say... from that time on.. I decided.. to put away the photo in my wallet.. I decided to treat everything between us as a memory.. that is only a memory to me now.. Its too late..K.. Its too late.."

K asked T a question.." do u really love him and want to be with him? Do u know that I have not stopped loving u since that day? I love u.... I know he may like you... but I am the one that loves u . even if he loves you... I am the one that loves u more... No one loves u more than I do except your parents... I am sure of that, now I can safely say it.."

K spoke from his heart again... he truly loved T.. Only when T left him did he realised how much T meant to him. But T said." Its too late k.. u came too late.. I am with someone else now.. and I dun wish to hurt someone else because of you..." but K said.. " no.. its never too late T... K asked T... can u tell me that u have no more feelings for me? Tell me that... tell me that u have no more feelings for me in my eyes.. and I will give up..I will stop bothering you..."

But T couldn't do it.. T didn't look at K's eyes for even a second.. K remembers the T that he saw... it was so heartbreaking.. T was looking so sad.. so hurt... so pitiful.. and it was K who had caused her to bevome like that.. T looked so weak.. so shattered.. cold and emotionless... And it was all K who did it.... K was the one that had made T became like that...and the worst part of it was... K didn't know... till that day.. T could not do it... T could not tell K that she didn't have anymore feelings for him..

K told T.. I will let u feel that I have changed.. I have really changed for you T... No longer will I treat u like that... Let me tell you, human is like that.. they will never change till something happens to them... and it is because of you, that I have changed. It is because of my love for u that made me change.I know its hard for you to believe me now.. but let me prove it to you that I have changed... the next gf that I have... is going to be the luckiest girl on earth.. I will no longer get angry with her... no longer get jealous. No longer take her for granted... "

remember the phrase that defines love? Love is patient love is kind. It does not envy does not brag, it is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self seeking, it is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always persevere.Love never fails...

And K can now safely say that he LOVES T.. K continued... he said" but it is because of you that I have changed... my love for you made me change this time.. I am sure of it.." And T said with wet eyes.. " maybe the next girl for you will be really lucky..." But K said.." no.. but there is no one that I want to be with me ...except for you... U will be the only one for me... so there will be no next girl ... U have caused me to change.. and I want you To feel the happiness that I can give you..." but T said.. " its too late.. I am with someone else now..." K said " I Know u are with someone else now... he cares.. he is concerned.. he give u support.. I can do all that too... I know that... and on top of that... I love u more than him..."

K knows that all these he is saying is useless to win T back... What K wanted is just to let T know that he can do the same too... he wants to let T knows that his love for her is really great enough for her to trust him one more time..

But it is not easy for T to believe K again... T said.. "its too late.. why haven't u come sooner? I might have risked everything again for the last time.. but now.. its too late.. I have told myself to forget about you..."T was really hard hearted to K already... K cried in front of T.. the first time he had ever cried till so badly... in front of a girl.. but it was not any girl.. It was T.. K cried so bad....

He told T " I have never cherished you before.. and it was because pple don't cherish what they have easily.. they only cherish something when they have lost it...But I m no longer the K that u knew.. I have change totally because of you...Please give me another chance, T.." But T said " I don't know what the future holds for me, I might end up with him ,I might not. I cant say anything, but I cant give u chances, or it will be unfair to him.."

But T had never thought that if the guy had wanted to come in at this time... he himself should be prepared for K to still go after T...chasing T after a break up might be easier... but there are the cons too.. but T didn't know that... K , was burning within him, not because he was angry with T this time... he had changed.. this time.. he was angry at himself for letting someone else come into the picture.. if he had treated T well.. if he didn't neglect her, if he didn't enlist, if he didn't bought his computer, If if if if if... such a situation would not have happened... he cuold only hate himself..

But K said.. " but T, I am the one that loves u most ... cant u give me one more chance on account of my love for u? Everyone of my friends told me to give u up.. they say u are not worth it... but in my heart... u are worth my everything... please give me one more chance..."

T was silent for a min... before she said again... " I cant predict the future.. I don't know.. but now.. I just want my life to go on... "

K knew that if he begged for T to give him another chance, nothing would come out of it.. so he decided to not force T anymore... he said.." T, take it that the old K has died... the new K , which is me, is totally changed... and changed for you, the one he love most.. can't u take it that it is a new person coming after u? If u cant... can u promise not to reject my calls or ignore my sms? Just try to reply sometimes.. I would be more than happy..."

T said." ok.. if I pick up your call for the first time.. I wont reject it anymore.." K was crying badly by now... and he asked for a hug with T.... T gave K a quick hug... and was very quick to withdraw... she gave K the feeling that she was really scared of him... it was so fast.. but K could remember the times when they used to hug tightly together for a long time... but this time, it was merely a friendly hug.. If K could hug T for one more time in his life.. he would rather fail his exams.. just like T would rather fail than leave K previously...

This tragic love story is an extreme case.... Before, T would do anything for K... and now.. K would do anything for T.... After the chat... K passed the sweets which he had prepared for T... and T took them... and left....

story of -=K=- :: part 46

2006-02-11T04:06:00.000+08:00

T was so cold towards K.. it was no longer the T that K knew... but K didn't want to give up just like that.. he loved T... and he didn't know that T had suffered so much still at that point of time. Hethought that T might have been sad.. but definitely he is taking it even harder, he knows it.. The person who took it harder is usually the one who still feels that there is a hope in the relationship... T didn't feel that there was any more hope for the relationship and so she went into another one.

K went to buy T's favourite sweets.... But this time K didn't just buy the sweets... he bought a few packs, took out all the sweets.. and took only the pink ones which were T's favourite.. and put them into a pack... Although this is only a small gesture, K only wanted T to feel at least a little happier when she eats them.. K brought himself to T's block.. and called her...

On the way there, K kept thinking.. " am I a fool? Why am I stll going afterher? Why cant I forget her? Why? Why? Why? Didn't she like someone else already? What am I doing? Why am I still taking this train to go to her place to look for her?" On the way there, it seemed like eternity... K was afraid that T wouldn't meet him....but he went... he went... dressed in the clothes that T first saw him in...

When K reached t's block... he called her.. and said that he was waiting downstairs...T cam down to talk to K.. K remembers every word that T said.... Every thing that T said.. on that day... when K saw T... he could not recognize T... I don't meant that T changed her appearance or anything.. K could not "recognize" the T that was like before... This T... had a different aura... It could sound funny.. but its true. T was no longer the same T.. she seemed to be.. cold. K walked T to a bench where they had spent many times talking before... when K hadnt enlist, K would always sit at those benches to chat with T till it was time for her to go home.. The memories they had chatting.. Hugging.. and kissin on the bench. But this time.. they were no longer going to do any of that... they were no longer together.

K remembered the first time he sat on that bench... T was so reluctant to go home... they talked and talked.. and each time T wanted to leave, neither could bear to do so.. That was the feeling that the old T could give K.. but this T.. she gave K the feeling that "please get it over with, I dun have time for you." She gave K that feeling... But K started... to ask why did T jump into another relationship so fast... K started to tell T how much he had went through believing in the wrong thing...