Daddy Scratches

This post is pointless, goes nowhere and contains a completely unrelated photograph. Allow me to apologize in advance for wasting your time.

Daddy Scratches — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 17:50:45 +0000

Oh, I’m sorry, were you waiting for me to say something? Forgive me. I wanted to post something sooner, but, well, you see … my life no longer involves doing the things I want to do. It has instead devolved into a series of tasks … the most time-consuming of which as of late is my continued quest for a used minivan that can do two seemingly contradictory things: 1.) Fit into our meager budget, and 2.) Be something other than an embarrassing hunk of shit that compels us to wear bags over our heads while we travel around town.… [read the rest]

I wish these kids would demonstrate a little self-confidence and individuality

Daddy Scratches — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 15:52:43 +0000

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Taken just before… [read the rest]

This photo makes me ache for another tropical vacation … but I’ll settle for a really stiff margarita.

Daddy Scratches — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 20:19:34 +0000

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I just realized it was two years ago this month that Wonder Woman and I… [read the rest]

It will be best for my daughter’s future boyfriend if someone hides this picture from me, because if I should happen to see it on the night that he comes to fetch her for their first date, I will pummel his teenage ass to smithereens

Daddy Scratches — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 18:09:57 +0000

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Jayna and I recently attended our first Daddy & Daughter Dance, and the sheer… [read the rest]

Mark Cuban is totally fucking wrong … unless he’s not, in which case: My bad.

Daddy Scratches — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 15:42:53 +0000

So my Work Wife (who, just so we’re clear, is a dude) sent me this link to a blog entry by Mark Cuban, whom I didn’t know had a blog, and of whom I only am peripherally aware because of his cameo appearances on “Entourage” and the occasional glimpses I’ve had of that “Shark Tank” show (and that really funny legal brief he filed after his Mavericks won the NBA championship). Basically, I know he’s rich and, at least in entrepreneurial terms, successful. So here’s what Mark Cuban said in the aforementioned blog entry, which he titled “Dont [sic] Follow… [read the rest]

Guys, you will never guess who I went to see in concert on Monday night … unless, you know, you’ve read this blog before or been in my company for more than 30 seconds.

Daddy Scratches — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 14:39:49 +0000

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Good news for those of you who are sick of my little obsession: I'm pretty sure Monday was the last time I'll be… [read the rest]

Lay down your weary head, my son, and I will lull you to sleep with … a violent tale of death and dismemberment …?

Daddy Scratches — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 14:18:04 +0000

Zan is almost nine now, and one of the great things about having an almost-9-year-old son is that the list of things I can do with him that I actually enjoy rather than endure has grown considerably since back in the days when he was a wee little tyke. For example: Remember “Brown Bear” and “Goodnight Moon” and “The Very Hungry Caterpillar” and “Miss Spider” and “Dear Sweet Christ, My Brain Is Melting From The Monotony of Reading and Re-Reading The Same Boring Shit Over and Over and Over”? Yeah, me too. Thankfully, we have graduated to less lobotomy-inducing fare,… [read the rest]

It’s been, like, at least five minutes since I mentioned Van Halen, right?

Daddy Scratches — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 21:58:02 +0000

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I know what you're thinking; you're thinking, "Thank GOD he's FINALLY writing about VAN HALEN again! It's been WAY. TOO. LONG!"… [read the rest]

‘I almost puked at work today’ … or, ‘The anxiety attack that launched my writing career.’ One of those.

Daddy Scratches — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 15:56:43 +0000

Something awesome happened this morning: I was pulling into the parking lot at my place of work, and as I did so, I spontaneously blurted out loud to no one but myself the name of the completely uninteresting, uninspiring, unexciting-to-me-in-any-way-whatsoever company for which I work … and this verbal reminder of just what it is I’ve ended up doing with my life caused me first to erupt into a sort of crazy-person laugh, and then to literally dry heave a couple of times. For a moment, I was fairly sure I was going to have to lean out of my… [read the rest]

Just take the fucking medicine! A nursery rhyme.

Daddy Scratches — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 20:22:27 +0000

I know it tastes disgusting. I know you don’t like it. But look into my eyes; you’ll see that I don’t give a shit. I felt for you the first time. Was patient as can be. I tolerated meltdowns for doses two and three. But now we’re on day 5 of 10 and I want you to know that if you don’t just drink it down, my stack I’m going to blow. I thought by now you’d get it. I thought you’d have a clue. The medicine? You’re taking it … no matter what you do. I don’t care if… [read the rest]