Well, it’s finally here. The 17th Annual At-Home Dad Convention is taking place this weekend (with activities starting today) in Washington, D.C.  My wife will likely be glad that I’m gone (mostly because it means she gets to sprawl out when she goes to sleep) because this is the weekend that recharges my passion for being an at-home dad.  Not that there is any lack of passion, but let’s be honest, the week after the convention, the dishes get done a little faster, the laundry seems to put itself away, and the house is suddenly spic and span like it hasn’t been for a while. Why?  Because when I get back from the convention, I feel like Super Dad, and I’m dying to prove it to myself.

All kidding aside, I am really looking forward to connecting with some friends from last year.  I am also looking forward to meeting some of my blogging pals in person, namely Chris Routly from Daddy Doctrines (who will be part of the same panel discussion that I am in, more on that later), John from Daddy’s In Charge? (you can’t hide!), and a few others.

The most important part of the convention is the Saturday speaker lineup.
You can view the program details here.

I will be tweeting the best take-aways from the following sessions (in this order):

Parenting Playgroup Workshop – Dr. Rene Hackney
The New Dad: Caring, Committed, and Conflicted – Dr. Brad Harrington
Age Based Open Forum – Dads of pre-school aged children
(my girl is 2 1/2, so I’m getting a head start)
Dads and Daughters – What We Say, What They Hear
Men’s Brains: Improving Communication in Marriage and Family
Moving the Conversation Forward*
Motivational Speech: Jeremy Hilton, 2012 Military Spouse of the Year

You can follow me on Twitter (@realmattdaddy) and look for the hash tag #ahdconvention to keep up with what’s going on throughout the day.

I have also been nominated for the board of the National At-Home Dad Network, and I am honored to even be considered. I know that even if I am not elected to the board, I will still do everything I can to further the cause of at-home fatherhood (and involved fatherhood in general) with this great organization.

* I will be taking part in the panel discussion “Moving the Conversation Forward” along with Lance and Matt from the NYC Dads Group, Chris Routly from Daddy Doctrines, and David Worford.  We will be discussing how dads can work with the media and marketing companies to change the way dads are portrayed in the news, on TV, in film, and in advertisements.  I am honored to be a part of this panel, and I look forward to sharing my thoughts.

I have to give a special “Thank You” to my mother-in-law for loaning me a laptop so that I don’t have to do everything from my phone this year.  It is very much appreciated!

Don’t forget, you can help me win a tablet from the Blogger Idol competition that I am currently participating in so that I don’t have to borrow a laptop for next year’s convention in Denver. (VOTE HERE until midnight Thursday)

In this week’s episode of TableTop, Wil, Morgan Webb, Ed Brubaker, and Robert Gifford (owner of Geek Chic) play Pandemic in its most feared difficulty: Legendary. Pandemic is a great co-op game that utilizes both resource sharing and risk management as mechanics. Even under normal circumstances, Pandemic is tough. But on Legendary? Say your goodbyes.

Both Webb and Brubaker are novices in this game but work well with the team as they try to solve the world of a zombie plague. What they lack in experience, they make up in humor and teamwork. Wheaton says “Co-op games like Pandemic are great for new players because it’s not 100 games played versus 1; it’s 101 games played versus the game itself.”

• Sometimes, you’ll just have to give up on fixing a certain area of the board. Just cut your losses and reallocate your strength where you have a chance. Novice players often can’t find that tipping point and will chase a lost cause past the effective point.
• Don’t allow multiple chain reaction spots on the board. You’ll notice in the game that there are a couple points where the players are looking really good, but left a chain reaction spot open. Once that hits, it’s almost certain doom.
• Expect to lose when playing Pandemic on legendary.

This morning, in typical understated fashion, the band Rush issued the following statement on their Web site: ”We are honored to be among the nominees for this year’s Rock ‘N Roll Hall of Fame. We are especially thrilled for the many, many dedicated RUSH fans to whom this nomination is so very important.” – Geddy Lee, Alex Lifeson, Neil Peart. Thus, potentially signaling the end of one of the longest running controversies involving the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

The band was nominated along with Donna Summer, Public Enemy, Procol Harum, N.W.A, Randy Newman, the Meters, Kraftwerk, Albert King, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, the Marvelettes, Heart, Chic, the Paul Butterfield Blues Band, and Deep Purple. The Hall of Fame also announced a fan’s ballot, where fans can vote on the artists they think should be included in the Hall.

It’s a nice honor and one that is long past deserved, but – at this point – does it really matter? Alex Lifeson has said “They don’t really want us in there and we don’t really want to be there.” And if you parse the statement they made today, there’s not a lot of joy to be found in it.

Looking at the list of bands not in the Hall of Fame, two of the biggest snubs are finally addressed in the nominations of Rush and Deep Purple. But when considering some of the bands that went in before them, what does that say about the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame as an institution?

Many fans will side with Rush, saying that the nomination doesn’t matter. Still, Rush is an influential and important band and they belong in the Hall. We won’t know until April 2013 if they will actually get in, but until then, Rush fans can claim One Little Victory today.

Image courtesy of Rush. 

Red Dwarf X Premiere in London’s Leicester Square

It’s been well over a year since the official announcement, 10 months since filming began and four weeks since Dave (the U.K. TV channel) began its countdown reruns of all eight previous seasons, but at smeggin’ last, it’s here – the brand new series of sci-fi sitcom Red Dwarf starts tonight at 9 p.m. in the U.K.

I was lucky enough to grab tickets for the filming of the first show back in December of last year and then last week, thanks to the wonders of Twitter, I also managed to snag tickets for a special screening of that same first episode in London’s Leicester Square last night. I’ve never heard of a TV show getting a red carpet premiere before and so it was rather strange to see three quarters of the cast and writer Doug Naylor walking down the carpet, greeting the hundred or so other fans and invited celebrities.

I wonder if it’s worth anything on eBay?

The show itself was as funny as I remember it being at the filming, and it was great to see it in proper chronological order with all of the effect shots in place. When I watch it again on TV tonight it will feel quite odd – going from the filming, to a cinema, to my living room, almost as though it was a play, that got made into a movie and then spawned a TV show! While we waited for the screening to start, we tucked into our complimentary red popcorn (I think i should have been poppadoms, but given that we were in a cinema, I’ll let them off) and chatted with fellow dwarfers of all ages and from all over the country.

Red Dwarf X is a real return to form after the Blade Runner homage that was ‘Back to Earth‘, with the four main characters back on Red Dwarf doing what they do best – goofing off and making jokes, usually at the expense of Rimmer. It was refreshing to see the small rouge one lovely built and filmed as a physical model in all its intricate detail – it was of course filmed in HD this time around – and it looked amazing, slowly drifting by on a huge cinema screen. The post-production effects looked great too.

After the screening we were treated to a short Q&A session with Craig Charles, Robert Llewelyn, Chris Barrie and Doug Naylor (Danny John-Jules couldn’t be there as he is currently filming in the West Indies) where they discussed various aspects of the show including favorite moments, what is was like getting back together after such a long break and what the future holds for Red Dwarf. Read on to hear what they had to say (I’ve left out spoilers) and don’t forget to tune in to Dave tonight at 9 p.m. BST if you have the means. Don’t despair if you can’t – although there’s still no word on U.S. transmission dates, the DVD and Blu-ray will be out before Christmas.

The Boys From The Dwarf

Wired: How do you get the ideas for the scripts?
Doug Naylor: They’re just things that happen to me in real life really, and I just write them down. You get ideas for the characters and you think of what kind of situations you can put them into.
Craig Charles: So what were trying to buy when they put you on hold? (laughter)
Naylor: Oh, I was trying to get the internet – oh yeah, that was a whole day.

Wired: In the whole time you’ve been doing Red Dwarf, what’s been the most fun episode to film?
Charles: There’s been a lot of fun episodes really, there’s been some unusual ones, I more favor scenes, really. It was really fun filming the scene with Robert where I have the shrinking boxer shorts. He had his groinal attachment out and he was riding me to oblivion. That was really fun, because of the audience reaction really, the laughter was so loud that we had to scream our lines and we still couldn’t hear each other.
Chris Barrie: I think I had to wait several hours to come into the sleeping quarters to say the immortal line, “You’d bonk anything.”
Charles: He loves playing Ace Rimmer, he loves him, he wants to be Ace Rimmer. He wants his own spinoff series. “Ace Rimmer Saving The Universe!”
Barrie: “What a guy,” “Thanks for that Spanners!” A lot of people say that should have been the character all the way through, but I say well no he shouldn’t because he would actually become a pain in the neck after a while because he’s too good. So good old Smeg Rimmer, as I call him, he’s petrol for comedy so that’s why he’s there. But yes, Ace is enjoyable to play.

Wired: Robert, you’ve done four cameos as different characters now without the gear on….
Robert Llewelyn: Oh yeah, I don’t like that though….
Charles: You did a cameo in that as well though…. “I’ll be in my quarters, covered in taramasalata” Bongo, it was Bongo wasn’t it?
Llewelyn “Well a guy like Ace can turn a guy’s head!” But I can’t watch the ones where I’m me, I don’t mind the ones with the bloke with the square head, he’s alright I can watch that, but not the real sad, tragic, uncooked pie man underneath.

Wired: Naylor: Not really, no. We’ve haven’t seriously considered using Kickstarter.
Charles: (whispering) What’s Kickstarter?
Barrie Wasn’t that a TV program with Dave Lee Travis with those trials bikes?

Wired: Thank you for using proper models this time and not going down the CGI renders for Red Dwarf. What was the process you went through to do it?
Naylor: We always wanted to film the models, as everyone probably knows the original Red Dwarf miniature met a tragic death when it fell off a shelf, and it didn’t exist for a long time. When we did the remasters a new one was built, the ‘pencil,’ so it it existed. So for this series we knew we had that, and it’s had a “reddwarf-ectomy” and has been shortened, so we wanted to go back to the miniatures. I think the miniatures, certainly with the budgets we have, they look better that (CGI) model shots, and we able to shoot them as the first unit, rather than it being the B unit.

Wired: In the last series we saw you do a crossover with Coronation Street, moving forward, what program would you like to see a crossover with?
Charles: Match of the Day, where Lister scores the winner, for Liverpool against Man U. Oh Yes! You can imagine Doug writing than one can’t you?
Llewelyn: I’d like to see a crossover between Red Dwarf and a really interesting art documentary, presented by someone really clever.
Barrie: I’d like to see Red Dwarf crossed with The Brittas Empire…
Charles: Where Starbug lands in a swimming pool and various consequences commence.
Barrie: “Look, we’re back on Earth.” “No you’re not, get back in that thing and go back wherever you came from.”

Wired: If you could spend a day on the real Red Dwarf, what would you do?
Charles: Get drunk and eat curry! There’s not much else to do.
Llewelyn: I’d find an enormous pile of towels to fold, that would be fantastic, I mean really big, like 10 million towels. And maybe a bit of ironing….
Barrie: And I’d start revising for my Astro-Navs!

Wired: You’ve been playing these characters for such a long time now, do you ever break into them in normal life?
Barrie: (in character) ABSOLUTELY NEVER DO I BREAK INTO MY CHARACTER IN NORMAL LIFE! (performs Rimmer’s Space Corp salute)
Charles: I sometimes think I am my character. They become very familiar to play, it’s very easy to fall back into them. As soon as you put the boots on and get the hair in and put on the leather jacket, you’re almost there. Give him a ‘H’ and he turns into an a***hole!
Barrie: (in Kryten’s voice) Or sometimes you can turn into the other characters….
(in Lister’s voice) Well sometimes you do, sometimes you don’t….
(in the Cat’s voice) and sometimes you just can’t help it man!

Wired: With social networks like Twitter and Facebook, how has that changed your perceptions of the community and interactions with the fans?
Llewelyn: Certainly, when we did the last live recording in front of an audience in 1998 there wasn’t Twitter, Facebook or any of that. I think the fear we had was that everyone would post story lines, spoilers and things like that, but no one did and that was really fantastic. I mean Doug threatened them with death obviously, but the fact that no one did means the ones who did see it and really enjoyed it, then they didn’t want to spoil it for anyone else, as opposed to being told not to. I mean anyone could have posted spoilers but they didn’t, which is really encouraging.
The good thing about it is that we get feedback straight away. The morning after we’d done a live recording, I’d get loads of tweets from people who’d seen the show, raving about it but not posting spoilers, saying things like ‘it’s classic Red Dwarf‘ or ‘it’s really funny,’ etc. It’s really good because we didn’t get that before, we didn’t have a clue really.
Naylor: I remember, roundabout series three, at a book signing, someone saying, “Did you know the science-fiction community absolutely hated the first two series?” And of course, we said no, ’cause we had no idea! He then said, “It’s OK they’ve changed their minds now”.

Wired: As fan of (Chris’) Massive Engines and (Robert’s) Scrapheap Challenge, do you prefer to make those kind of programmes about real life that you’re interested in or this complete fantasy thing like Red Dwarf?
Llewelyn: They are so different that you can’t really compare them. I definitely laugh more on Red Dwarf. There was a great moment I remember that wasn’t actually on set, but was in Shepperton when Craig and I had been for a curry and suddenly realized that I was on my hands and knees in the rain, ’cause I couldn’t walk anymore ’cause I was laughing so much. (To Craig) I don’t want you to repeat the joke you told me though ’cause it was really bad. Disgraceful, but very funny! We get on so well, we have such a great time together, reminds me of being in school, sitting with the bad boys at the back of the class.
Barrie: The documentaries are fantastic to make, but as Robert said, they’re so incredibly different. On a documentary you go with a very small to back of beyond somewhere and you’ve got to learn up about this big machine. You speak to the expert there and suddenly you’ve got a camera straight in you face. From dawn to dusk it’s just work, work, work you don’t have time to think about it and it exhausts you. But Red Dwarf is a different kind of stress; we just want to make sure that we’re funny and we’re on the money in terms of doing justice to the scripts, so it’s completely different challenges really.

Wired: How does it work in front of the live audience? Do you work stuff up and try it again and again or do you do it almost as if it were a stage play?
Charles: We try and do it like a stage play, we try and get it right first time. Unfortunately, we very rarely do!
Some of the scenes in that first episode where one takes, but most of it we work on it and work on it. The audience do seem to like it when we get it wrong and break down and clown about, it’s all part of the night really and it gives us a chance to say hello to the audience. So the audience got to know us very well during this series!
Llewelyn: It gives me a chance to just pop ’round the back and have a look at the script!
Barrie: If we did it seamlessly, it’s be over in half an hour. It’s be so boring, so we have to do that to stretch it out to like four hours!

Wired: I’ve heard that part of one of the episodes is based on part of the movie script. Do you intend to adapt other parts of it at some point?
Naylor: There are no plans right now for that, but there were just some really good scenes that I thought we could take and use in show six.
Charles: There are a couple of other scenes from that movie script that have popped up as well, there’s one in show three….
Naylor: and show five….
Charles: Yep, he’s plagiarized the whole thing!
Naylor: But there were 35 drafts so there are a few scenes going spare!

Wired: After Back To Earth received some (unfair) criticism, was it a conscious decision to go back to the formula on Red Dwarf?
Naylor: The thing is, when you start up a new series, and no one really knew whether this would work, whether we still had the same fanbase, or if the interest was there, so it was a little bit of an experiment. Back To Earth started off with ‘let’s do something to celebrate the 20th anniversary,’ and one point that was going to be the guys in costume introducing clips, and then it grew into one show, then two, and then three shows. But we had no sets, no miniatures at the time, and you can’t just throw millions of pounds at something when you don’t know if it’s going to work. So we decided to make a show with things that were there at the time, contemporary things, like we knew we’d be able to get Coronation Street, we knew could set the story on contemporary Earth and we could afford to build a couple of sets. So it was based on bits and pieces that we had around and then we tried to tell the story. One of the things we thought we could achieve was the audience, but then that didn’t work out because to the budget, so that had to go.
It then became a much more filmic, green screen piece because we got Mike Seymour (the VFX supervisor) who said this story could be bigger if you trust me to go down the CGI route, which we felt at the time was the best thing to do to give it a big look. It was not Red Dwarf in some senses, but it did the job and as soon as it had done the job and proved it, we where then able to say ‘OK, let’s go back now and do what we really want to do’, which is Red Dwarf, 30 minutes, four boys on Red Dwarf, which is where we are with the series now.
Charles: We always wanted to have the audience, because we’re natural show-offs, and it’s really good for your comedy timing and it heightens your performance and it’s a completely different thing to doing it single camera. You get that adrenaline buzz and it changes the energy of the show.

Wired: Have you written series 11 yet? Is there going to be another one? Has it been commissioned yet?
Naylor: No, I haven’t yet. I … think … it … will … happen (whoops and cheers).
It hasn’t been commissioned yet, but I think it will.

Wired: Will we see a return of Holly (or Hilly)?
Naylor: In Red Dwarf 11? Because I haven’t written any shows, I can’t tell you (said with a knowing wink).
So you never know!

Wired: Who would play if you weren’t playing your own character?
Charles: I’d love to be Kryten ’cause it’s such cool part to play isn’t it? I’d love to wear the mask. He hates it so we should swap!
Barrie: Obviously, I’m a natural to play the Cat, but I wouldn’t want to be him. Oddly enough, I also want to play Kryten, but I want to renegotiate the terms of the mask!
Charles: I’m trying to get Doug to write an episode where all of us have this mad dream that we’re all Kryten and he’s the only one that’s human!
Llewelyn: There was a moment when we’d finished filming and I was outside waiting for a car and Craig and Danny came out with masks on. They’d got the spare ones and just pulled them on over their heads. That was one of the most disturbing experiences of my life.
Naylor: And Danny had blacked his up! It looked very odd
Llewelyn And he was doing a very strong West Indian accent!

Wired: We’ve just seen one great guest star performance, have you got any favorite guest stars?
Charles: He was great wasn’t he?
Naylor: They are so many, I promise you, coming up in this series.
Llewelyn: Well, Jenny Agutter!
Charles: You still haven’t gotten over her legs! I remember him going into my dressing saying, “Have you seen her legs?”
Who was the film star we had who played the King?
Llewelyn: Oh, Brian Cox, he was brilliant
Barrie: Tim Spall was brilliant too.

Red Dwarf X starts tonight at 9 p.m. in the U.K. on Dave

Photos: Nathan Barry

HackMaster Basic Rules PDF loaded onto my tablet (aka. my favorite gaming tool) along with essential dice and character sheet to make my first character. (Photo by Ryan Carlson / GeekDad)
Photo by Ryan Carlson, GeekDad

Learn to Hack! events are being held all over the country in order to raise awareness about the 5th edition of the HackMaster roleplaying game. As Dungeons and Dragons scrambles to re-establish a connection with their dwindling fan base, these HackMaster grass-roots events are being encouraged by the publisher of the game, Kenzer and Company. But unlike massive corporate marketing campaigns like those employed by Wizards of the Coast, publishers of Dungeons & Dragons and Magic: The Gathering, the events promoting HackMaster are almost entirely driven by their fans. These are fans who are passionate about telling good stories and enjoy game mechanics that make sense. These are fans that are out to spread the good word of HackMaster and expect nothing in return. Other games are gaining market share while Dungeons & Dragons fights against its greatest competitor: previous editions of Dungeons & Dragons. Games like HackMaster and their loyal evangelists have an opportunity to grab some new players into their camp.

Kenzer and Company has made the sales pitch incredibly simple for their acolytes of fantasy roleplaying by offering the entire mail order viagra HackMaster Basic rules set for free on their website. This 231-page PDF contains the complete rules set needed to take player-characters from 1st to 5th level. HackMaster Basic offers all four base races and classes, whereas the Advanced HackMaster Players Handbook nearly doubles the number of races and classes available to players during character generation.

The Introduction of the HackMaster rules congratulates the reader in a tongue-in-cheek fashion, thanking them for choosing the greatest game ever developed by mankind. Having recently played a demo game of HackMaster Basic with an experienced game master, as an experienced gamer I am really pleased by what I saw. I had spent several hours the other week rolling dice at a table of strangers with unfamiliar rules, the promise of blood, adventure, and a vague promise of an intangible reward of ‘bragging rights’ should I and the other strangers complete a short introductory adventure. My local friendly game store The Source Comics & Games had a flyer on their events board that exclaimed ‘Learn to Hack!’ This was to be an official introduction to the newly revised HackMaster 5th edition game system run by local HackMaster enthusiast Chris Wheatley. Chris is part of a fan-driven group of HackMaster evangelists that calls themselves the Hack Pack. When I asked Chris, a veteran RPG game-master of 20+ years why he now runs HackMaster over other games on the market he did not have to think long to come up with an answer. He said that initially there was some resistance because it would be hard to give up the Dungeons & Dragons brand. D&D had always been the simplest way to explain his gaming history, to connect himself to the community of fantasy gaming enthusiasts that he loved being part of. When pressed further about why he promotes HackMaster, Wheatley shared his conversion experience:

I knew that it was time to make a change when I tried Hackmaster Basic with my D&D (4th edition) group, and the newest player told me that this was far more exciting, far easier to understand, and far “more real” than any other game I’d run.  If I can have the superior combat mechanics of HackMaster, and even a new player can find it more real, that is the game I need to be running.

There has been a trend over the years to play incredibly heroic games, because after all who doesn’t want to roleplay a hero? Lead Designer David Kenzer writes in the foreword of the HackMaster rulebook about how heroes are very good at resolving a crisis, whether through force of arms, might of magic or otherwise. Kenzer dedicates an entire page of the book foreword to describe what makes HackMaster a unique gaming experience. He writes:

Here is where the HackMaster game sets itself apart from other fantasy roleplaying games. The HackMaster game is about more than just playing a hero that fixes troublesome predicaments. Indeed, HackMaster allows for heroic play – play long enough and you will experience such a game. But HackMaster includes another element overlooked by the other games – the journey to becoming a hero.

There are many gamers that will recognize the name HackMaster, as it is the game played by the fictional characters within the pages of Jolly Blackburn’s popular comic, The Knights of the Dinner Table. What was originally a game system built on parody and humor has proven with it’s latest edition that it’s no joking matter. Fans of the first three editions of Dungeons & Dragons will find a lot of familiar elements to the game mechanics and flavor.  The system has a number of unique twists that has me very excited to try my hand at running this game system with my friends at some point in the future. With HackMaster Basic being free, the price is right for me to give it a try.

To find a local Hack Pack demo event near you, generic viagra online check the Kenzer and Company forums thread for scheduled demos and meet-ups.

We all have moments that bring salty water to our tears ducts as parents, but as GeekDads our moments are sometimes slightly different from others. We might feel it when our child acknowledges that Episode IV is actually better than Episode I, or when they draw their first dragon and call him Smaug. They are things other parents don’t fully understand or appreciate. These things are different from first steps or first words, and they run deep for those of us who grew up with our heads in science fiction and our hands on twenty-sided dice. So, I wanted to share with you one of those moments – because where else and with whom else can I share them?

I had a GeekDad moment a couple of days ago. My 9 year-old was happily playing on the iPad flicking through different apps. I was tinkering over at the TV hooking up my latest Commodore 64 console (because retro gaming is a thing in my head now). He then called out to me and said, “Hey Dad, Scribblenauts knows about Cthulhu.” I headed over to the couch to take a look.

For those unaware, Scribblenauts is a very clever educational tool that is a combination of problem solving and the old text-based RPGs we used to play before graphics on computers existed. Basically you have to solve different levels by typing in words of things that might help you to solve the problem. For example, if you need to get to the top of a cliff you might type “wings” to give your character wings, or “aeroplane,” or “pegasus.” The vocabulary of the game is huge and extends to all types of items that when typed appear on the screen to be used.

Well, my 9-year-old (who is yet to read any H. P. Lovecraft I might add) typed in “Cthulhu.” And the Great Old One appeared in Scribblenauts and began to attack him! There was no mention of just how much sanity was lost, but all I could do was ruffle my boys hair and smile. “He typed ‘Cthulhu,’” I kept repeating to myself over and over while shaking my head.

I’d love to hear your GeekDad moments. We should be sharing them often, don’t you think?

I started a group over at the GeekDad Community for us to share the GeekDad moments as they come along. Please head over there and add yours.

Fire engine sirens, jackhammers, alarms, elevator musak, oh my! It doesn’t matter what it is. Loud or awful sounds can freak a kid out. And every kid has their various ways of responding and even defending against these things.

Here’s Lucas (3yo) holding up his toy tool box, demonstrating the Arm Muff technique as a Harley belches thunder on its way down the street.

It doesn’t even have to be a loud noise, either. Sometimes it’s the oddest noises that give them the heebie jeebies, like the tinkling of keys or the sound of a fly buzzing. You name it. If it makes any sounds whatsoever, there’s some kid out there that’s ready to fill up a diaper or pair of undies fast at the sound of it.

For these, sometimes there are pretty obvious logical connections. “The little one was just stung by a bee, so a fly’s buzzing sound scares him.” And sometimes it makes as much sense as the way kids draw grass. Which is not much.

From their perspective, they’re little itty-bitty people living in a world of giants with a bunch of loud and hot and sharp things. Stressful stuff. If you weren’t a giant, you’d be on a hair trigger, too.

–

Instructional Diagrams
Dig into more of these useless original infographics. Here’s a shovel.

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Whew. With the regular refs back I was able to find some solace in the consistency of the games this past weekend, going a pleasurable 10-5. I knew I shouldn’t have picked the Bucs to win a goddamn thing, and the Falcons cut it close, but all in all a good week to be picking games. The best was Monday night, when the Bears totally destroyed the Cowboys and then some. That was fantastic.

So there’s not too much to talk about this week. I’m going to keep it short and sweet, since the Presidential Debates are on soon (I write this column on Wednesday nights if you haven’t figured that out yet after all these years). I can’t tell who won from the debates, since I haven’t watched the debates yet even though you are reading this after the debates. We still have to vote though, not like it matters. The whole douchebag vs. a turd argument. It doesn’t matter. They are both dirty politicians out to protect the corporations and their financial interests, rather than the good of the people. On with the picks!

Arizona at St. Louis +1.0
I’ve seen better Thursday night games. A year ago this would be a hotly contested battle between two teams that weren’t going to win shit. This year, the Cardinals are undefeated and the Rams are coming off an upset win over the Hawks. The Cards have a tough road ahead of them, but the Rams shouldn’t pose much of a challenge. Their defense stepped up last week, but with only a few days rest and facing a very potent set of receivers, I’m sticking with the Cards in this one.

Miami at Cincinnati -3.5
The Dolphins are hilariously bad this season. Yet they hung in with the Cardinals last week… no fucking way. The Bengals are going to destroy the Dolphins on both sides of the ball. If you have a fantasy league in which you play defensive players, pick up every Bengals LB, CB and so on. Bengals to win.

Green Bay at Indianapolis +7.0
The Colts needed a week off to relax, work on some patterns and prepare for the Packers, a team looking to reassert themselves. The Colts could steal this game, because the Packers running game is still trying to find its legs. Regardless, the Colts defense is nothing to be proud of at this point, and allows a shit ton of rushing yards. Packers to win.

Baltimore at Kansas City +7.0
The Chiefs didn’t fare so well last week, biting it hard to the Chargers. This week, another road team rolls into KC looking for a pushover team. The Ravens have holes, the Browns exploited them for most of the game. Press coverage and flushing out the QB. Can KC pull that off? This is a game where I’d love to call a home team upset, but I just can’t. The Ravens defense is too good.

Cleveland at NY Giants -13.0 CRAPFEST OF THE WEEK!
I guess if there is any solace for the winless Browns, it’s that the Saints are also win-less. Though after this week, I’m thinking only the Browns will be win-less. Giants to win.

Philadelphia at Pittsburgh -2.5 GAME OF THE WEEK!
Always a fun game, this in-state rivalry is never without a little violence. The Steelers defense has one mission and one mission only – destroy Michael Vick. I’m pissed that the Eagles beat the Giants, that was bullshit. Vick isn’t any good, he just gets lucky. Harrison, smash! Steelers to win.

Atlanta at Washington +3.0
The Redskins played a close game against the Bucs, who had the win in hand then fucked it up. They are looking moderately okay, as long as the offense stays healthy. They still don’t have much of a running game. The Falcons, well, they are going to be near unstoppable this year. I smell an upset though, but I have to stick with the Falcons to win.

Seattle at Carolina -2.0
I guess I better start picking some home teams to win. Statistics demand it. The Panthers came on strong against the Falcons, but Cam Newton and his dumb fucking touchdown dance pissed off the football gods and they were handed a last second defeat, after a Cam Newton fumble. That’s right Superman. How’s that stupid fucking dance working out for you now? Regardless, the Panthers are offensively playing stronger than the Seahawks are playing defensively. Panthers to win.

Chicago at Jacksonville +6.0
No upset brewing here. Cutler and crew calmly destroyed the Cowboys on Monday night, handling Romo with ease, with five interceptions, two returned for TD’s. This veteran defense is playing amazing. The Jags have no chance. No chance. Bears to win.

Tennessee at Minnesota -5.5
At this point, after beating two good teams in a row (respectively good that is) the Vikings cannot be ignored. Their defense is playing amazing, at both the run defense and the secondary. Special teams play has also been great, with the runners finding the gaps and exploiting weak special teams defenses. The Titans have a weak everything. Vikings to win.

Denver at New England -6.5
Manning looked like his old self against the Raiders, but the Raiders defense blows chunks. I still think that Manning hasn’t clicked with his offensive line, and going into a hostile environment against a team that has a deadly offense will be trouble for Manning. He’ll be playing from behind, communication will be a problem. The key for Denver is taking the crowd out of it as quickly as possible, which means scoring first. This game could really go either way, if it was being played in Denver. Patriots to win at home.

Buffalo at San Francisco -8.0
For two quarters it looked like the Bills were going to pull off the upset last week, then they didn’t. They got beat and beat hard. Alex Smith makes better decisions though, so shouldn’t make as many mistakes. The Niners are up and down this year, and having trouble establishing any kind of solid rhythm. Last week, with the pistol offense, that was pure genius. A rout of the Jets was just what this team needed to get back on track. A rout of the Bills will help as well. Niners to win.

San Diego at New Orleans -3.5
The Chargers came alive last week while the Saints took another knife to the chest. But is any of this for real? A Saints fan pointed out the Saints could still finish 12-4, but with no competent coaching and a defense that appears to be asleep at the wheel, is that possible? As for the Chargers, they tend to appear in a win, better than they are. The Saints are going to wake up this week and win. That’s not a guarantee, but close to it.

Houston at NY Jets +9.0
The Jets have become my no-pick team this year. TEBOW! TEBOW! Houston to win.

Tampa Bay at Bye Week
Hmm… didn’t pick any upsets this week. In that case, the Bucs have a bad bye week.

Oakland at Bye Week
The Raiders, no high draft picks until like 2014… how’s that Carson Palmer trade working out for ya?

Dallas at Bye Week
When are they going to stop thinking Romo is any better than one of those tennis ball machines?

Detroit at Bye Week
Good. Megatron needs to rest up. All that running and no catching a tired receiver makes.

Related posts:

1. Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game 2012: Week 4
2. Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game 2012: Week 3
3. Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game 2012: Week 1

Whew. With the regular refs back I was able to find some solace in the consistency of the games this past weekend, going a pleasurable 10-5. I knew I shouldn’t have picked the Bucs to win a goddamn thing, and the Falcons cut it close, but all in all a good week to be picking games. The best was Monday night, when the Bears totally destroyed the Cowboys and then some. That was fantastic.

So there’s not too much to talk about this week. I’m going to keep it short and sweet, since the Presidential Debates are on soon (I write this column on Wednesday nights if you haven’t figured that out yet after all these years). I can’t tell who won from the debates, since I haven’t watched the debates yet even though you are reading this after the debates. We still have to vote though, not like it matters. The whole douchebag vs. a turd argument. It doesn’t matter. They are both dirty politicians out to protect the corporations and their financial interests, rather than the good of the people. On with the picks!

Arizona at St. Louis +1.0
I’ve seen better Thursday night games. A year ago this would be a hotly contested battle between two teams that weren’t going to win shit. This year, the Cardinals are undefeated and the Rams are coming off an upset win over the Hawks. The Cards have a tough road ahead of them, but the Rams shouldn’t pose much of a challenge. Their defense stepped up last week, but with only a few days rest and facing a very potent set of receivers, I’m sticking with the Cards in this one.

Miami at Cincinnati -3.5
The Dolphins are hilariously bad this season. Yet they hung in with the Cardinals last week… no fucking way. The Bengals are going to destroy the Dolphins on both sides of the ball. If you have a fantasy league in which you play defensive players, pick up every Bengals LB, CB and so on. Bengals to win.

Green Bay at Indianapolis +7.0
The Colts needed a week off to relax, work on some patterns and prepare for the Packers, a team looking to reassert themselves. The Colts could steal this game, because the Packers running game is still trying to find its legs. Regardless, the Colts defense is nothing to be proud of at this point, and allows a shit ton of rushing yards. Packers to win.

Baltimore at Kansas City +7.0
The Chiefs didn’t fare so well last week, biting it hard to the Chargers. This week, another road team rolls into KC looking for a pushover team. The Ravens have holes, the Browns exploited them for most of the game. Press coverage and flushing out the QB. Can KC pull that off? This is a game where I’d love to call a home team upset, but I just can’t. The Ravens defense is too good.

Cleveland at NY Giants -13.0 CRAPFEST OF THE WEEK!
I guess if there is any solace for the winless Browns, it’s that the Saints are also win-less. Though after this week, I’m thinking only the Browns will be win-less. Giants to win.

Philadelphia at Pittsburgh -2.5 GAME OF THE WEEK!
Always a fun game, this in-state rivalry is never without a little violence. The Steelers defense has one mission and one mission only – destroy Michael Vick. I’m pissed that the Eagles beat the Giants, that was bullshit. Vick isn’t any good, he just gets lucky. Harrison, smash! Steelers to win.

Atlanta at Washington +3.0
The Redskins played a close game against the Bucs, who had the win in hand then fucked it up. They are looking moderately okay, as long as the offense stays healthy. They still don’t have much of a running game. The Falcons, well, they are going to be near unstoppable this year. I smell an upset though, but I have to stick with the Falcons to win.

Seattle at Carolina -2.0
I guess I better start picking some home teams to win. Statistics demand it. The Panthers came on strong against the Falcons, but Cam Newton and his dumb fucking touchdown dance pissed off the football gods and they were handed a last second defeat, after a Cam Newton fumble. That’s right Superman. How’s that stupid fucking dance working out for you now? Regardless, the Panthers are offensively playing stronger than the Seahawks are playing defensively. Panthers to win.

Chicago at Jacksonville +6.0
No upset brewing here. Cutler and crew calmly destroyed the Cowboys on Monday night, handling Romo with ease, with five interceptions, two returned for TD’s. This veteran defense is playing amazing. The Jags have no chance. No chance. Bears to win.

Tennessee at Minnesota -5.5
At this point, after beating two good teams in a row (respectively good that is) the Vikings cannot be ignored. Their defense is playing amazing, at both the run defense and the secondary. Special teams play has also been great, with the runners finding the gaps and exploiting weak special teams defenses. The Titans have a weak everything. Vikings to win.

Denver at New England -6.5
Manning looked like his old self against the Raiders, but the Raiders defense blows chunks. I still think that Manning hasn’t clicked with his offensive line, and going into a hostile environment against a team that has a deadly offense will be trouble for Manning. He’ll be playing from behind, communication will be a problem. The key for Denver is taking the crowd out of it as quickly as possible, which means scoring first. This game could really go either way, if it was being played in Denver. Patriots to win at home.

Buffalo at San Francisco -8.0
For two quarters it looked like the Bills were going to pull off the upset last week, then they didn’t. They got beat and beat hard. Alex Smith makes better decisions though, so shouldn’t make as many mistakes. The Niners are up and down this year, and having trouble establishing any kind of solid rhythm. Last week, with the pistol offense, that was pure genius. A rout of the Jets was just what this team needed to get back on track. A rout of the Bills will help as well. Niners to win.

San Diego at New Orleans -3.5
The Chargers came alive last week while the Saints took another knife to the chest. But is any of this for real? A Saints fan pointed out the Saints could still finish 12-4, but with no competent coaching and a defense that appears to be asleep at the wheel, is that possible? As for the Chargers, they tend to appear in a win, better than they are. The Saints are going to wake up this week and win. That’s not a guarantee, but close to it.

Houston at NY Jets +9.0
The Jets have become my no-pick team this year. TEBOW! TEBOW! Houston to win.

Tampa Bay at Bye Week
Hmm… didn’t pick any upsets this week. In that case, the Bucs have a bad bye week.

Oakland at Bye Week
The Raiders, no high draft picks until like 2014… how’s that Carson Palmer trade working out for ya?

Dallas at Bye Week
When are they going to stop thinking Romo is any better than one of those tennis ball machines?

Detroit at Bye Week
Good. Megatron needs to rest up. All that running and no catching a tired receiver makes.

Related posts:

1. Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game 2012: Week 4
2. Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game 2012: Week 3
3. Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game 2012: Week 1

Whew. With the regular refs back I was able to find some solace in the consistency of the games this past weekend, going a pleasurable 10-5. I knew I shouldn’t have picked the Bucs to win a goddamn thing, and the Falcons cut it close, but all in all a good week to be picking games. The best was Monday night, when the Bears totally destroyed the Cowboys and then some. That was fantastic.

So there’s not too much to talk about this week. I’m going to keep it short and sweet, since the Presidential Debates are on soon (I write this column on Wednesday nights if you haven’t figured that out yet after all these years). I can’t tell who won from the debates, since I haven’t watched the debates yet even though you are reading this after the debates. We still have to vote though, not like it matters. The whole douchebag vs. a turd argument. It doesn’t matter. They are both dirty politicians out to protect the corporations and their financial interests, rather than the good of the people. On with the picks!

Arizona at St. Louis +1.0
I’ve seen better Thursday night games. A year ago this would be a hotly contested battle between two teams that weren’t going to win shit. This year, the Cardinals are undefeated and the Rams are coming off an upset win over the Hawks. The Cards have a tough road ahead of them, but the Rams shouldn’t pose much of a challenge. Their defense stepped up last week, but with only a few days rest and facing a very potent set of receivers, I’m sticking with the Cards in this one.

Miami at Cincinnati -3.5
The Dolphins are hilariously bad this season. Yet they hung in with the Cardinals last week… no fucking way. The Bengals are going to destroy the Dolphins on both sides of the ball. If you have a fantasy league in which you play defensive players, pick up every Bengals LB, CB and so on. Bengals to win.

Green Bay at Indianapolis +7.0
The Colts needed a week off to relax, work on some patterns and prepare for the Packers, a team looking to reassert themselves. The Colts could steal this game, because the Packers running game is still trying to find its legs. Regardless, the Colts defense is nothing to be proud of at this point, and allows a shit ton of rushing yards. Packers to win.

Baltimore at Kansas City +7.0
The Chiefs didn’t fare so well last week, biting it hard to the Chargers. This week, another road team rolls into KC looking for a pushover team. The Ravens have holes, the Browns exploited them for most of the game. Press coverage and flushing out the QB. Can KC pull that off? This is a game where I’d love to call a home team upset, but I just can’t. The Ravens defense is too good.

Cleveland at NY Giants -13.0 CRAPFEST OF THE WEEK!
I guess if there is any solace for the winless Browns, it’s that the Saints are also win-less. Though after this week, I’m thinking only the Browns will be win-less. Giants to win.

Philadelphia at Pittsburgh -2.5 GAME OF THE WEEK!
Always a fun game, this in-state rivalry is never without a little violence. The Steelers defense has one mission and one mission only – destroy Michael Vick. I’m pissed that the Eagles beat the Giants, that was bullshit. Vick isn’t any good, he just gets lucky. Harrison, smash! Steelers to win.

Atlanta at Washington +3.0
The Redskins played a close game against the Bucs, who had the win in hand then fucked it up. They are looking moderately okay, as long as the offense stays healthy. They still don’t have much of a running game. The Falcons, well, they are going to be near unstoppable this year. I smell an upset though, but I have to stick with the Falcons to win.

Seattle at Carolina -2.0
I guess I better start picking some home teams to win. Statistics demand it. The Panthers came on strong against the Falcons, but Cam Newton and his dumb fucking touchdown dance pissed off the football gods and they were handed a last second defeat, after a Cam Newton fumble. That’s right Superman. How’s that stupid fucking dance working out for you now? Regardless, the Panthers are offensively playing stronger than the Seahawks are playing defensively. Panthers to win.

Chicago at Jacksonville +6.0
No upset brewing here. Cutler and crew calmly destroyed the Cowboys on Monday night, handling Romo with ease, with five interceptions, two returned for TD’s. This veteran defense is playing amazing. The Jags have no chance. No chance. Bears to win.

Tennessee at Minnesota -5.5
At this point, after beating two good teams in a row (respectively good that is) the Vikings cannot be ignored. Their defense is playing amazing, at both the run defense and the secondary. Special teams play has also been great, with the runners finding the gaps and exploiting weak special teams defenses. The Titans have a weak everything. Vikings to win.

Denver at New England -6.5
Manning looked like his old self against the Raiders, but the Raiders defense blows chunks. I still think that Manning hasn’t clicked with his offensive line, and going into a hostile environment against a team that has a deadly offense will be trouble for Manning. He’ll be playing from behind, communication will be a problem. The key for Denver is taking the crowd out of it as quickly as possible, which means scoring first. This game could really go either way, if it was being played in Denver. Patriots to win at home.

Buffalo at San Francisco -8.0
For two quarters it looked like the Bills were going to pull off the upset last week, then they didn’t. They got beat and beat hard. Alex Smith makes better decisions though, so shouldn’t make as many mistakes. The Niners are up and down this year, and having trouble establishing any kind of solid rhythm. Last week, with the pistol offense, that was pure genius. A rout of the Jets was just what this team needed to get back on track. A rout of the Bills will help as well. Niners to win.

San Diego at New Orleans -3.5
The Chargers came alive last week while the Saints took another knife to the chest. But is any of this for real? A Saints fan pointed out the Saints could still finish 12-4, but with no competent coaching and a defense that appears to be asleep at the wheel, is that possible? As for the Chargers, they tend to appear in a win, better than they are. The Saints are going to wake up this week and win. That’s not a guarantee, but close to it.

Houston at NY Jets +9.0
The Jets have become my no-pick team this year. TEBOW! TEBOW! Houston to win.

Tampa Bay at Bye Week
Hmm… didn’t pick any upsets this week. In that case, the Bucs have a bad bye week.

Oakland at Bye Week
The Raiders, no high draft picks until like 2014… how’s that Carson Palmer trade working out for ya?

Dallas at Bye Week
When are they going to stop thinking Romo is any better than one of those tennis ball machines?

Detroit at Bye Week
Good. Megatron needs to rest up. All that running and no catching a tired receiver makes.

Related posts:

1. Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game 2012: Week 4
2. Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game 2012: Week 3
3. Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game 2012: Week 1