Aaron's blog

Time > Money

Aaron — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 07:57:23 -0600

IT sickens me that it's been over two month's since I have posted here at Dadviser. I apologize profusely, but I hope you can understand how the life of a stay-at-home-dad can be let's say, unpredictable.

I'm not going to fill this space with complaining about life, only to let those that aren't already believers know that time is not money, it is far more valuable than money. Every day, my project lists get longer and longer and I enjoy all the work I do so much I can't help but take it on, but at some point it gets overwhelming and leaves me with little time to do some of the things I love like write on this blog.

If you've hung with me through all this, again thank you. Please know there are some great new segments that I have planned to start launching very soon, as well as a couple of book reviews I have secured with some great authors. Then there are the many questions I have received from fathers all over that deserve my attention. I'm also going to spend more time trying to get the parenting blog community more involved with each other, so stay tuned for that.

In the meantime, check out this fantastic collection of daddy blogs across the Internet over at The Bootstrapper Blog. I know I haven't been the best blogger lately, so check out some of the other great blogs across this niche.

Be back soon, promise!

DAD TALK

* Besides not posting for two months, how else can I improve the site for you?
* Are there any special areas of interest you would like me to cover?
* Do you think this site should focus more on positive fathering as a whole or focus on single and separated fathers only?

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The Trials Of Life

Aaron — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 12:43:58 -0500

SEPTEMBER has been a roller coaster, to say the least.

When the month started, I hadn't seen two of my daughters for weeks as their mother found herself in some trouble and checked herself and our children, without my consent, into a woman's shelter. Legally hamstrung, I devoted all my time into my business and saw some exciting growth.

A couple weeks later, busier than I've ever been in my life, the mother found her way into some trouble, landed in jail, signed over her rights to our kids to her mother and without her parental alienation campaign at full strength, I've been spending considerably more quality time with my kids. Then over this past weekend, I was in an accident and fractured my left humerus and dislocated my arm, severely limiting the time I can spend blogging or even performing my business duties.

I've been resting non-stop for the past few days and have had some time to reflect on all that's happened and my only regret right now is not being able to blog. Sometime over the last year, I became addicted, focused on publishing as much free, quality information as possible for fathers. Some of you have been invaluable supporters in this mission, and it is you I thank most and feel most indebted to.

I've decided to finish the current Personal Development series over two months instead of one or scrapping it altogether due to the fact it won't be completed this month. I'm slowly regaining some motion in my arm and when possible, I'll be writing new articles and brainstorming ways to make Dadviser even better for the end of the year.

Until then, I hope to see you all continue to make your lives better, so stop by now and then to let me know how things are going.

DAD TALK

* Have you ever been disabled?
* How did it make you think differently about your life?
* Have you experienced parental alienation?
* How did you respond and what would you do different next time?

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Personal Development For Dads Challenge #5 - Volunteer

Aaron — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 04:29:29 -0500

ONE of the best ways I've ever found to help myself grown is to give more of myself to others. There's just something about watching others grow from the time and care you have put into them.

One of the truly special gifts of being a parent is having a child you can teach your skills to and one day watch them do all we can do even better. Even with children, it's an amazing experience to help others out with your free time and not much else will ever make you feel better about yourself. Below are ten ways you can volunteer even if you already have a busy family and career.

1. Your children's school- A great way to volunteer and spend more time with your children at the same time is to volunteer in their classrooms or at their school.

2. Homeless shelters- Homeless shelters need as many extra hands as they can get. It doesn't take more than a couple of hours each night you can to help feed dozens to hundreds of homeless. Read the 35 ways to help the homeless for more ideas on helping the less unfortunate in your town.

3. Park Maintenance- Our parks are some of the last open places some of us have. Keeping them beautiful and safe for our children needs to be a high priority. Volunteer a few hours a week or month and help clean up your area parks.

4. Read at the library- Your child may be a terrific reader, but they were lucky you took the time to teach them one of the most important skills a person could ever have. Take your children to the library during volunteer reading hours and help some children learn about the wonders of reading.

5. Mentoring- Big Brothers & Sisters is a fantastic organization that helps children without fathers, mothers or older siblings learn about the world in a responsible, loving way. I've personally been a Big Brother and can't describe how good it feels to be a mentor in this program.

6. Animal support- Local animal shelters and humane societies are notoriously shorthanded and can use all the help they can get in tagging, feeding, grooming and nurturing animals. Check out these 80 tips to help animals for more ideas.

7. Senior homes- Senior homes can use some extra help in entertaining their residents and serving food. Play games with some elderly folks and let them tell you of times past. Not only will you be doing a good deed, you are bound to learn some very important lessons.

8. Blood banks- One of the fastest ways to volunteer your time is to go give blood. Blood is the most precious resource we have in our communities and helps save more lives than any other volunteering action. Visit Give Life for more information.

9. 800 Number Volunteers- We often take 800 and disaster relief numbers for granted. They must be manned at all hours of the day, and in the event of a disaster, will likely need more volunteers than the organization has on hand. Give some spare time to a 800 phone bank in your area and you just may save a life.

10. Politics- With the political season in full swing, there are many opportunities for you to give some of your time to help gather signatures, pass out fliers and buttons and get the word out about the politician you support.">

No matter how busy you are, there is something on this list that you can give two hours or less of your time. It may seem difficult to fit in, but once you see how good you feel afterwards, I'm sure you will find more time in your schedule to volunteer to needy organizations in your area. For more ways to volunteer, check out Volunteer Match and Volunteer Solutions.

DAD TALK

* Did your parents do any volunteering when you were growing up?
* Do you find time to volunteer in your community?
* If you've thought of volunteering, but haven't, what can you do to find a few hours a week or month to volunteer?

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Personal Development For Dads Challenge #4 - Live In The Moment

Aaron — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 02:01:03 -0500

SOMETHING I have noticed as being a major hurdle for many people to overcome is the ability to stop dwelling on the problems of their past or looking to the future for their happiness. Your happiness can only be found in one place, within you, and at one time, at the intersection of just happened and about to happen.

I've been guilty of dwelling on the past and the future at different times of my life. Much of my life I spent being a "perfectionist" and wondering how I could have done things in my life better. The simple answer to that question is nothing, but for years I went over certain things over and over to the point I stopped enjoying the things that were currently in my life.

When I saw the error of my ways, I began to be a much more creative and loving individual, but as I surrounded my life with new projects and ambitions, it became hard not to dwell on the good times the future could bring if I could just follow through on my goals. Sadly, this wasn't the happiness I was after either.

It was not until I fully had my children back in my life that balance began to take shape in my life. My goals had purpose and relation, not to bring happiness into my life because I had already achieved it, but to just be the most complete person that I could be and see where it took me. No longer was the past or the promises of the future what occupied my thoughts.

Being able to "dwell" on the here and now is what I strive to make my life about now. Below are some great ideas for you to use to achieve the same mind state and start enjoying life from this moment forward.

1. Be thankful- Showing gratitude for the little things in your life is a good first step towards living life in the moment. Be thankful that you woke up this morning, that your children are healthy and that you have the potential to improve areas of your life you are unhappy with. Being thankful will also help you raise thankful children.

2. Forgive your past- Humans love to dwell on their pasts as if they had any power of changing it. We don't, so get over it. Chances are the things you dwell on weren't even your fault, but even if they were, you need to forgive yourself and move on. You aren't your past, no matter how often people try to define you as if you are.

3. Tie up loose ends- One thing that holds us back from moving forward is allowing loose ends that keep us looking backwards. Tie up those loose ends and move on with confidence knowing you don't have to go back to those places again.

4. Believe you have enough now- There's nothing wrong with planning for the future and building a better life for your family. The problem lies in not knowing when enough is enough and that you have all the things you need right now to be happy.

5. Check yourself- You need to learn to be aware of your own thoughts. Once you are aware of your thoughts, you become free to change them at will. When you find yourself dwelling, stop and tell yourself that you don't dwell anymore, and find something in your presence to enjoy for a moment.

6. Stop procrastinating- Like loose ends that tie you to your past, procrastination ties you to your future. When you don't get the things you know you need to get done finished, they nag on your conscience and keep you from enjoying your present. Shorten your to-do lists so they are manageable or stop procrastinating and complete your daily tasks. Only then will you feel free to enjoy your time.

7. Live life to the fullest- Granted, living each day like it's your last is a difficult mind frame to have and neglects any planning for the future. But by doing the things every day that you enjoy most and knowing that tomorrow doesn't matter until tomorrow, you will be living life to its fullest.

8. Evaluate your priorities- When you reevaluate your priorities and understand what is actually most important to you and your happiness, it gets a whole lot easier to find the time to spend on those things. Set your priorities and forget the other stuff.

9. Don't take life too seriously- In life, there is death, taxes, war, famine and hatred. But there doesn't have to be in your life. Enjoy your life, do good deeds even when you don't have to and know that for every good in life, there may be a bad, but it doesn't have to affect you negatively.

10. Let go- So many things in life are out of your control. Stop trying to make it otherwise. Some things in life you just need to let go of, including how people behave at home or work. The only thing you have control over is how you react to the things that happen in your life. Master that and Enjoy your life.

It will take some time, but by practicing the ideas outlined in this article, you can learn to let go of the past, be optimistic of the future without dwelling on it, and enjoy the little moments of your life. Once you have made these ideas a part of who you are, you'll see that every moment is a little moment of your life that should be enjoyed.

DAD TALK

* Do you take the time to appreciate every single day of your life?
* Do you spend more time dwelling on the future, the past or in the moment?
* What things can you do in your life to start appreciating the now more than the past or future?

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Personal Development For Dads Challenge #3 - Exercise

Aaron — Sat, 08 Sep 2007 01:17:30 -0500

STAYING in shape is probably near the top of most of our to-do-lists yet never gets crossed off for most of us. Many people don't start their exercise and/or dieting regimen because they don't feel good about themselves and lack motivation, though ironically, getting in shape is just the thing to improve their self-esteem.

The benefits of getting and staying in shape are profound. Besides increased self-esteem, exercising increases your libido, your stamina and most importantly, your lifespan. On paper, exercising sounds like the Fountain of Youth, but to our minds, it sounds more like a root canal.

If you are serious about living a long, happy life, then starting and maintaining your exercise regimen is the most important decision you can make. Stop procrastinating. To help you get started, try out some of the fun, free exercise ideas below as soon as possible.

1. Walk- Walking is a free activity with huge health benefits and if you plan your routes, can actually be quite entertaining. Go to your local Chamber of Commerce or information center and pick up maps to routes and historical properties in your area. You can also walk to establishments you frequent on a regular basis and kill two birds with one stone.

2. Join a Team- Are you interested in a certain sport? Been wanting to meet new people? Joining a local recreational sports team is a great way to get in shape without the stigma that you are actually working out. Sports are fun and allow you the opportunity to meet new people that have at least one thing in common with you - an interest in the same sport. You should find ads for free groups in the newspaper or on Craigslist.

3. Ride Bikes With Your Kids- Of the ideas listed here, riding bikes with my kids is by far my favorite form of exercise. Choose a route that will be strenuous enough to be beneficial, but not so difficult your kids cannot complete it under their own power. The added benefits of this idea are that you can teach your children the importance of exercising and you can spend the time bonding.

4. Swim- Swimming is another great exercise idea you can do alone or with your kids. It's also known to be one of the most beneficial forms of exercise as it involves all your muscles. Check out this directory of swim exercises for workouts according to experience level.

5. Hike- Hiking is one of the fastest growing hobbies in the U.S. as American look for more adventurous forms of exercise. Most cities have hiking trails for all skill levels that let you see your town from a different perspective. Find trails in your area at StepWhere and LocalHikes.

6. Stretch- Stretching reduces muscle tension and increases range of motion, blood circulation and energy level. It's also important to stretch from a young age and is a good tool to teach your children. Try some of these stretching exercises for better flexibility and injury prevention.

7. Tai-Chi- Sometimes describes as "meditation in motion", Tai-Chi is a terrific form of passive exercise that helps balance body and mind. Its benefits include stress reduction, greater balance and increased flexibility. Check local bulletin boards and publications for groups or set your own hours at home. Visit this site for loads of Tai-Chi exercises and information.

8. Yoga- It is just as important to keep your mind in shape as it is to keep your body in shape. Yoga does both. It will not help if you are looking to increase strength or muscle mass, but it will help you increase range of motion, injury prevention and blood circulation. There are hundreds of techniques, so you should be able to find some you enjoy.

9. Gym Exercises- You don't have to join a gym to get some of the gym's best benefits. Whether you are looking to build muscle or stamina, there are several ideas you can do right at home. Check out these ideas and statistics for a good starting point.

10. Park Games- Your local park is a fun place to plan games with your kids. Tag, pickle, Frisbee, kickball and catch are always as close as your neighborhood park. Keep up with your kids for the best workout!

Try out as many of these ideas as you need until you find one you can enjoy doing on a regular basis. The important thing is to find exercise activities that you will like doing over a period of time because all exercises require time and repetition before they show any substantial rewards. Enjoy working out now and enjoy the benefits later.

DAD TALK

* Was your family into physical fitness when you were growing up?
* How has that affected your current exercise schedule?
* Have any other exercies ideas you can do with your children?

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What's Your Goal?

Aaron — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 10:07:39 -0500

TODAY'S reader question caught me a bit by surprise, but it was so thought provoking I couldn't resist posting it.

Charlie asked "I have been to your site several times and I have to admit I have been confused at times. What is your goal for this blog?".

Though I have a pretty solid idea of where I want this blog to be in another year or two, I have never actually written down a specific goal. The reason for this is that I continually change my mind about who I am trying to reach.

As a marketer, I know that is a cardinal sin, but as a human being, I can't help it. My original intention was to target single and separated father only, but several of my first readers were either women or married fathers. So I decided to try and include them, as well.

It didn't take long for me to change course again, though. Trying to make everyone happy wasn't the best idea, so I thought a little more about it and decided that positive parenting and personal development were things I not only knew about and had a passion for, but could potentially include anyone.

So I changed the tagline again to "Be A Better Dad" and that's where we are today, though I have a gut feeling I should probably edit the tagline to sound less preachy. One idea was "Helping You Be A Better Dad", which is actually part of the welcome on the front page. I think I'll eventually just let the readers decide on a tagline and how I can best help them be better dads. After all, that is all I really want out of this blog.

Thanks Charlie! If you have an opinion on this matter, don't hesitate to let me know.

DAD TALK

* What direction would you like to see this blog head in?
* Have a better idea for the tagline?
* What other resources would you like to see added?

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Personal Development For Dads Challenge #2 - Express Your Emotions

Aaron — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 05:35:15 -0500

EXPRESSING your emotions in a healthy manner is directly related to the level of happiness and growth you experience in life.

When we don't feel worthy of ourselves, we hold our emotions in and create a variety of psychological and nervous disorders. When we are feeling inspired and motivated in life, we freely express ourselves without hesitation or worry of what others might think. Only during these times are we truly living.

Learning how to express ourselves in productive ways is a difficult task and is often a lifelong process. You don't have to let the best years of your life pass by before you learn this skill, though. Pay attention to what your feelings are trying to tell you and practice these tips to increase your ability to express your emotions in any circumstance.

1. Start A Journal- Expressing yourself to the person you feel is responsible for your current emotions is the healthiest option, but if you aren't quite ready to take that step, starting a journal is a good way to start understanding your emotions better. Be sure to be honest with yourself and check out these benefits of keeping a journal if you need more convincing.

2. Write Letters- Keeping a journal is a nice start, but doesn't involve letting the other people involved know what role they played in how you feel. A good step forward would be writing the person a letter clearly expressing the feelings you are experiencing and explaining how their actions are involved. The more you write, the easier it will be for you to come to terms with your emotions.

3. Explain Your Feelings Out Loud- In order to take the next step, you need to convince yourself that you are worthy of asserting your feelings and that there is nothing wrong with feeling the way you do. It may not feel natural at first, but learning to assert yourself will reduce stress and lead to a happier life.

4. Use Specific Words- The more specific your words are, the more the other person will understand where you are coming from. By clearly conveying your reasoning, you increase the likelihood your conversation will end without spiraling into a new disagreement. Read this article for phrases to use in order to prevent arguments.

5. Use "I" Statements- If you want the other person to take you seriously and care about how you feel, it is important for you to not blame them. The best way to keep blame from entering the conversation is to focus on "I" statements. These neutral statements are a powerful way to keep the conversation focused on a solution instead of the problem.

6. Figure Out Where Your Emotions Are Coming From- One of the most important parts of finding a solution is to understand the meaning behind the initial problem. You may have learned to express your feelings, but if the same triggers continue to arouse similar emotions, you still have some work to do before considering your growth a success. Pay attention to your emotions and work your way back until you discover what's really causing you to feel the way you do.

7. Accept And Own Your Emotions- Ultimately, you are the only person responsible for your feelings. Other people may do things you don't agree with, but the only way they can affect you is by giving the emotion power over you. Take complete responsibility for how you feel and be aware that you alone have the power to change how you feel.

8. Face Your Past Honestly- The most common justification people use for their inability to express their feelings is having gone through a difficult past. By taking responsibility for your past, you gain the power to keep it there. Don't let your past become your future.

9. Believe Expressing Your Emotions Is Better Than Ignoring Them- Many people hold their emotions inside because they think it is easier than expressing them. Not only does this cause a wide range of new problems, it reinforces the same behavior in the future because the original issues were never dealt with.

10. Enjoy Your Emotions- The opposite of being unable to express your feelings is to learn to enjoy them. Our emotions make us human and allow us to experience life in amazing ways. There is a time and place for all emotions, even so-called bad ones like anger. Learn to enjoy your humanity and master your emotionsso that fear will never again have a grip on your life.

Your emotions are similar to a compass. Once you have taken responsibility for them and understand where they come from, you can trust them to lead you in the right direction in life. By ignoring or fearing them, you are robbing yourself of the quality in life we all deserve and you'll have no one to blame but yourself. Decide today that you alone are responsible for your emotions and by expressing them, to take control of your life.

DAD TALK

* Were you allowed to express your feelings as a child?
* How has that affected the type of person you are today?
* What types of emotions do you allow/not allow your children to express?

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Personal Development For Dads Challenge #1 - Simplify

Aaron — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 02:35:33 -0500

OUR lives are being held ransom by the inevitability of progress. As much as technology has the potential to help us streamline our lives, it has a far more persuasive ability to infiltrate our lives and distract our attention from where it would best be given.

If we ever expect to grow in positive ways as individuals, it is imperative that we put the man hours into really getting to know ourselves. Once we understand how to utilize the tools we were born with, we begin to create situations in our lives where we can succeed and not just attempt.

I don't know about you, but I can't remember a time when technology didn't command a hefty portion of my time. I was raised in the golden era of home movies, video game consoles, abundant broadcast options and the height of prime time television. The advent of the Internet certainly didn't help matters.

With all these distractions, what can an already busy father do to break free? Here are ten ideas to help you simplify your life so that you can use that time on improving yourself and your situation in life.

1. Turn off your television- No other single act will do more for simplifying your life than turning off your television. According to some studies, watching television consumes nearly 1/7th of an average Americans life. If lost time weren't bad enough, habitual television watching has also been linked to attention problems, inactivity and aggression. Unplug your television, or better yet, cancel your cable subscription and take back years of your life.

2.Organize Your Work Space- Another adversary in our attempts to lead simpler lives is having a disorganized work space. Each book, note, document and file on our desk competes for our attention and wastes our time by consuming space that could better be used for matters we are actually working on at the moment. Check out these great tips to help you organize your desk for maximum productivity.

3. Start Your Day With A Positive Attitude- Starting the day off on the wrong foot used to be the most distracting factor in my life. By allowing unresolved issues and emotions to loiter around our mind, they constantly ping our attentions throughout the day and make it difficult to focus on our goals. Click here for more reasons why starting your day positively is so important.

4. Plan Ahead- Spending a few minutes each day to plan your day ahead has two very powerful benefits. First, it makes your day more efficient, saving you time throughout the day. Second, and maybe more importantly, by going over your day first in your mind, you are increasing the odds of actually completing your goals successfully. Read this article to learn a great technique for helping you plan ahead.

5. Cut Unnecessary Ties- When our lives are being dictated by a lack of time, we tend to treat people like memos. Instead of giving them our full attention, we set them off to the side yet feel an obligation to keep them in our lives. If you have grown apart from someone, it is better to move on than spend time and energy pretending otherwise.

6. Shop Less- Americans are addicted to shopping. As a result, many of us become slaves to our possessions or lack appreciation for the things they do have. There is a constant war for your wallet and most of us are more than happy to concede. Acquire less and increase your productivity.

7. Appreciate The Little Things- Life is a succession of moments. The more of them you take the time to appreciate, the easier it will become for you to enjoy the majority of them. Appreciating the little things also gives you a sense of balance during life's more difficult times. Find happiness in the everyday things of life and notice how free the rest of your life becomes.

8. Focus On One Goal At A Time- With all the distractions in life, it's a shame that we are often our own worst enemies. I've conquered several of the items on this list, only to come face to face with this new nemesis. It's clear from the days I am focused on one goal at a time that I'm the main distraction in my life. Now that I'm aware of this tendency, I've been motivated to use advice like this to continue my growth.

9. Demand Your Right To Say "No"- When we say "yes" when we really feel like saying "no", we are telling ourselves that we aren't worthy of standing up for. There is no such thing as an obligation, there's only the feeling of feeling obligated. Use these tips to say no and prove to yourself that you are the most important person in your life.

10. Keep Your Finances In Order- One of the most common things people dwell on is their financial situation. Pay your bills on time, or better early, automate as many payments as possible and reserve spending on credit for emergencies only. Money is important, but not important enough to consume your thoughts. Check out this article for tips on keeping your financial matters organized.

In order to gain an honest perspective of our lives, we need to break free from the distractions and obligations in life that keep us from having enough time to spend on ourselves. Simplify your life one day at a time and invite positivity into your life.

DAD TALK

* What are the major distractions in your life?
* What do you need to do to eliminate them?
* How would you spend an extra five hours a week if you had it?

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Personal Development Month

Aaron — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 15:39:05 -0500

DADVISER just surpassed six months of being live and while every month has seen numerous improvements, August was by far the best month we've had. I still have many improvements in mind, but as a full-time father and owner of an increasingly busy marketing company, my available time is shrinking.

My lack of free time got me to thinking about outsourcing, which is ironic because I spend so much time marketing to business owners to get them to outsource their marketing needs to me. The circle of life in 2007, I guess.

Anyway, a major reason traffic increased so much around here last month is because people returned to see the next tip in the 31 Days to Being A Better Dad series. I've actually been toying with month-long series on several of my blogs, but this was the first time I actually made it all the way through the whole month and was able to put together a finale post.

Hopefully some of you got some benefit from the series. I know I learned a lot. Many of the posts forced me to look closer at myself and examine my childhood more honestly. It's been a roller coaster of a year concerning my children and many of the tips probably kept me in a positive mindframe when at times I really didn't feel like being so.

Since the series did so, well, however, I decided to start another series for this month. I chose personal development for two main reasons. First, I work from home and I could certainly use some advice on growing when you don't have time to hang out with very many other human beings. I'm also very passionate about helping others get to a point where they too can work on things they are passionate about in the comfort of their home. If that doesn't have the potential to make better dads, I don't know what does.

The second reason is because although I feel awkward at times writing posts about marketing and other non-father things, they seem to be very popular and have been surprisingly effective earning new readers. As the Director of a marketing company, I'd be going against my own beliefs if I just ignored that fact.

Hopefully if I ever step too far off my original path here, I can rely on one of you fathers to put me back in line. After all, it's only because of a certain 40-50 of you that I ever made it this far. Many times I was ready to quit or use my time on things that seemed to be more productive, but that small group of original readers kept me going. Seriously, thank you guys so much for your support. I'll do my best to stay within certain boundaries of fatherhood, but feel free to hand it to me if I stray too far.

Anyway, I know I'm 3 days behind already, ironically for posting a series on personal development, but I will make it up. Every time I go visit my mom, I'm stuck without internet. It's nice because it keeps me focused on visiting her instead of work, but a time comes each time where I have to get connected. Maybe by finding some of the best personal development ideas to share with you this month, I will find a salvation from that yearning.

So expect at least two ideas tomorrow and for me to be caught up before the weekend. I don't want to be more specific than that because there is a million things to do around here, including catching up on the other posts I had planned for this week, but I owe you guys that much.

Thanks again fellas. I'm proud to know such a great group of dads!

DAD TALK

* What topics would you like to see get covered during an upcoming month?
* Do you like or dislike this type of posting schedule?
* Let me know how I can improve the site. It's here for you guys, you might as well get some benefit from it eh?

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31 Days To Being A Better Dad Toolbox

Aaron — Sun, 02 Sep 2007 17:26:12 -0500

THE first tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to be good to your child's mom.

As someone who has gone through some extreme ups and downs with his child's mom, I can attest to the power of taking the high road. In fact, our relationship is the inspiration for this blog. I have made many mistakes as a father myself, but I have grown dramatically over the 11 years of my oldest daughter's life.

I can't say the same for her. Sadly, she has chosen to use the lack of having her own father in her life as an excuse to remain stagnant. Sometimes I think that's what she wants for our daughter, but I won't let it happen. Instead, I've been proactive in gaining custody and playing the largest role possible.

Through it all, I never have a bad word to say about her and I remind our girls to always love and respect their mother. I even go so far as to take her out for Mother's Day and give the kids presents to give her for other holidays. As a result, the past stays in the past and the kids can live life without worrying about mommy and daddy hurting each other. As they get older, your kids will see for themselves the sacrifices you've made to be the bigger person and repay you with their love and loyalty.

Remember, no child should have to choose between their parents. As men, we often get the short end of the stick, but by being good to your child's mother, your kids will see that you put them first.

That's what being a good dad is all about.

DAD TALK

* Do you find it difficult to be good to your children's mom?
* If so, what are some things you can do to improve relations with her?
* Did your dad have a good relationship with your mom?
* Do you think there is a correlation between your parents relationship and your relationship with your child's mom?

THE second tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to teach your kids self-esteem. If we fail in this effort, our children are going to make bad decisions for a large majority of their life or at the very least, not have the guts to take the chances that will lead to happiness.

The best way to teach this invaluable trait is to show them how important they are to you. Spend your time with them, even if you have something more "important" to do. Talk to them and more importantly, listen to them. Have high self-esteem yourself. Encourage them to strive for more and if they fail, praise them for the effort.

I was typically reprimanded for doing anything that wasn't part of the military regiment my brother and I called childhood, and as a result, I spent most of my time at school. In fact, I never missed a single day of school until my senior year in high school. I excelled educationally, but I truly lacked any semblance of self-esteem.

It took years of failing myself before I finally gained the courage to do things on my own. In the meantime, I had left my daughter behind, gotten into legal trouble and went through a string of ultimately failed relationships with women. I'd hit bottom several times before it hurt enough to take matters into my own hands.

I think we all have a high self-esteem, but when it isn't adequately fed, we lose touch with it. Praise your children, support their efforts and don't let them lose touch with their self-esteem.

DAD TALK

* How has your self-esteem helped or hurt your relationships in life?
* Do you believe your parents were a major part of your having or lacking high self-esteem?
* What do you do to teach your children to have high self-esteem?

THE third tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to be good to yourself.

Treating your children's mother is important in showing your kids that she is a valuable person worthy of love, but if you don't take care of yourself, you won't be around long enough to see how things turn out.

After my relationship with my kid's mom ended, I went into a downward spiral for several years. Between drinking, neglecting my university studies, separating further from my parents and hanging out with the wrong crowds, there was very little joy in my life. It was as if not having my daughter in my life made life not worth living. Fast forward a few years, and life couldn't be much better.

I have my kids back in my life, I'm much closer to my parents, I've rid myself of fake friends, I graduated college and am now using my skills in my own business and I appreciate every single day. Of course there are still peaks and valleys in life, but now that I treat myself properly, the valleys aren't so low and the peaks aren't quite as high simply for the fact that every day is a gift.

Having this outlook on life rubs off on my kids. Now that I have my self-esteem back, I can see my children's self-esteem growing by the day. Treating yourself good is the foundation for all the other tips that will round out this project. Without treating yourself good, it's virtually impossible to treat someone else good.

THE fourth tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to protect your children.

Protecting your children doesn't just mean putting a roof over their head to shield them from the elements. It includes helping them steer clear of harmful relationships, helping them understand the dangers of drugs and alcohol, being aware of harmful toys and taking appropriate action when you are aware of these dangers. It also means preparing them to make their own decisions when dangers face them when they are on their own.

Your children will always be your children - parenting is a life long job. Even as adults we may not be aware of some of the dangers in life because we were not properly prepared. For example, growing up in an alcoholic home, I abused alcohol for some years of my life because I was not properly prepared to see alcohol as a dangerous thing. I was led to believe drinking a lot was a normal part of life and it cost me and my family in many ways.

By no means do I think it's a good thing to be an over-protective parent, but you have to be aware of the things going in their life so you can help them make sound decisions, not just for now, but for life.

"I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection."
- Dr. Sigmund Freud (1856-1939) Father of Psychology

DAD TALK

* Did you feel protected as a child?
* In what ways do you protect your children?
* What things do you see in the future as possibly being a danger to your children?

THE fifth tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to learn new things.

Learning new things inspires your children to do the same. Optimally, this would lead to either of you discovering your true passions in life, but even at minimum it will result in a better you.

Learning new things inspires us to do more. The more qualified we feel in a subject, the more likely we are to get over our fears and do it. This again will teach our children to take the chances necessary to achieve happiness in life.

Learning new things will also allow you many more opportunities with your children discovering new things together. In discovery, there is magic that creates moments that you and your children will cherish forever.

"One father is more than a hundred Schoolmasters."
- George Herbert (1593 - 1633) English poet

DAD TALK

* Is learning new things a high priority to you?
* Do you want it to be a high priority for your children?
* Is it?

THE sixth tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to be your children's biggest fan.

When I talk to people with good relationships with their fathers, they just about always mention that he was their biggest fan and was the inspiration for them to achieve more and more in their lives.

Though times are changing, traditionally it's been the man that instills the desire to achieve in children. And there have been many a great father that relished in watching and encouraging the whole way.

Indeed, some of my happiest moments in my life are those cheering my children on. Not much can make you feel like a child again than encouraging your own to be, and certainly nothing makes you feel more proud.

"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.
- James Valvano (Jimmy V) (1946 - 1993), Basketball coach

DAD TALK

* Who was your biggest fan growing up?
* Who is it now?
* Who are you the biggest fan of?

THE seventh tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to always be supportive.

Supportive parents are loving parents. It shows in everything they do and in every thing their children do. If it's not life-threatening, support them. There's a good chance they are going to do it anyway.

Life is about taking chances. It's the only way we reach our true goals. When we aren't supported, over time we lower our goals so that we can achieve them and finally get that pat on the back.

I was inactively supported in my choices as a child, but my relationship with my parents has improved a great deal and now they fully support everything I do. As a result, even as an adult I'm taking far more chances and achieving them.

DAD TALK

* How supporting were your parents of your decisions growing up?
* Has that affected who you are today?
* In what ways can you be more supportive of your children?

THE eighth tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to say "no".

I hate to tell you dads, but it's our job to put the foot down. No matter how easy life is, it's still "no" 50% of the time. Lights turn red. It rains unexpectedly. People you like, don't like you. That's life.

When we give our children everything without teaching them the flip side, we are setting them up for a rough reality later on. When we teach them that there are boundaries to everything, they learn to enjoy things in moderation instead of excess.

As the father of three little girls, I have a hard time saying "no" sometimes myself, but I have a line. I think too many "no's" is stifling, so I have a pretty flexible line.

Often, I'll use that leniency to teach them a lesson I otherwise may not have had a chance to. After all, guiding them through a mistake after the fact is a far more educational tactic than "see, I told you so" or getting mad.

DAD TALK

* How much freedom did you have as a child to "get away with things" or do the things you wanted?
* Are you more or less lenient with your children?
* Do you think they'll be happier for it?

THE ninth tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to show your emotions.

Us dads are often viewed as being Superman by our children, but we are people just like every one else. I admit it is our job to be strong for our families, especially during a crisis, but I also believe it's important for our kids to know that we have emotions just like their mother.

By showing our emotions, it gives our children a glimpse into our hearts, into the things that we care most about, and shows them that it's ok to show their own and how to handle certain situations. This doesn't just mean crying, it means laughing and smiling when we are happy, expressing disappointment responsibly when we are let down, joy and pride in our loved ones' accomplishments, compassion for the less fortunate and remorse for our errors among many others.

Throughout my childhood, I can only remember my step-father crying once when we had to put our dog to sleep. The truth is that I'm sure hundreds of my actions made him want to cry but he wouldn't show it. Perhaps had I seen it, the point to change my actions would have been driven home. I would also have learned that it's ok to ask for help or cry myself instead of being "macho" and trying to solve all my problems alone.

Our emotions are our guidance system. By making them visible, we are more capable of aligning them with our true selves and helping our children manage their own emotions in a responsible manner.

DAD TALK

* Was your father more likely to cry or yell?
* How do you think this affected your idea of emotions?
* Do you explain to your kids that crying and anger are ok if they are handled responsibly or would you rather them not show these emotions?

THE tenth tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to spend your time with your children.

I have talked about spending quality time with your children before, but it really cannot be stressed enough how important it is to spend your free time with your children.

Life is busy, and as such, we have very little disposable time. The time fathers do have, they need to commit to their children. Let's be honest, your kids would basically prefer you not work and stay home with them all the time. When the majority of the hours in your week are spent at the office, they look forward to the time you get home from work, weekends and holidays.

When you don't spend this time with your children, they start to believe they are not as important as other priorities in your life. Children come to understand that work is a given, but they will never understand why daddy can't play with them when he finally is home.

Spending your free time with your children will build the bonds between you and your children, and will also make them feel special knowing that you WANT to spend time with them and that they are a top priority for you. Your reward will be a loving relationship that lasts.

DAD TALK

* How much time did your parents typically spend with you?
* Do you spend less or more time with your children?
* How can you possibly free up and extra ten minutes per day to spend with each of your children?

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THE 11th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to discipline your children with love.

Children need discipline. They don't need punishment. They don't need to be yelled at or hit.

Discipline is about guidance. You can't beat or yell it into someone. Guidance is about maintaining your moral authority and being the person your children look up to for guidance. When you reduce yourself to yelling or worse, hitting, you risk losing your status as "trusted adviser".

By choosing to discipline your children with love instead of anger, and choosing positive over negative, your children will come to know that you are on their side and that they can come to you in times of need without fear of reprisal.

When your children make mistakes, remind them of some pre-discussed consequences and follow through on them. Disciplining with love does not entail being a push over. It requires you to be firm and understanding, consistent and compassionate. Often times, our children make mistakes in a cry for help. They feel alone or scared. The last thing they need is the most trusted people in their lives yelling at them.

DAD TALK

* How was discipline handled when you were a child?
* Do you discipline your children the same way?
* Why or why not?

THE 12th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to set routines for your children.

Our children need routines. The earlier we set routines for our children, the more likely they will do well in school and behave at home. When children know what is expected of them, they are eager to gain your approval.

Developing routines in our own lives is the best way to create routines for our children. Children learn by watching others and when they see their parents getting up, eating breakfast, grooming and heading off for work the same time each day, it establishes an internal clock in them.

By the time they are school-aged, children should already have most of their routines set and be prepared for what is expected of them. They should know what chores are their responsibility and when they should be done. They should also know when bed time is and what they need to have done before then.

Good fathers have good children that more often than not do what they are supposed to before they are even asked. By establishing routines early in childhood, your children will be eager to show you how well they have it down.

DAD TALK

* What routines did you have as a child?
* Do you think having a routine helped or hurt you growing up?
* What routines do you set for your children?

THE 13th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to learn from your childhood.

All too often, I hear parents say they raise their kids the way they were raised because that's how it is. I disagree. If we aren't learning from our childhood and correcting the things we felt were wrong as we raise our kids, we are failing ourselves and our kids.

The value of going through your childhood is twofold. First, it allows you to gain the experience needed to be a man. But second, it allows us to raise our kids how we felt we should have been raised. To give them the things we were denied and to allow them as much opportunity as possible to live a better life than we do.

I was told over and over by my step-father that I would punish my kids as fiercely as he punished my brother and I, and I can remember saying time and time again, "No I Won't".
So far I haven't, but I have told him many times how greatful I am that he raised me.

Doing things different isn't meant to be a slight at our parents, they did the best they could. But it's up to each and every father to decide for himself if doing things the same is good enough. For me, it wasn't.

DAD TALK

* What things did you not like about the way your parents raised you?
* Do you do those things to your children?
* Do you think your children will raise theirs the way you have raised them?
* Should you change the things you don't think they will do the same?

THE 14th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to be charitable.

As kids, we treat others the way our parents treat others. Use this fact to show your children how to be kind to the world. Set an example by offering a helping hand to those in need and by doing charitable work or donating. Your children will learn that all people are important and that we are all in this together.

My parents were very kind to those in need. To this day, they go out of their way to help others when they hear of them needing it or to give support to those currently in crisis. It rubbed off on me in a major way. I treat everyone as a friend and it usually reciprocates. I also let people stay when they are having problems and volunteer at my children's school and the local library. I even Big Brothered for a little while.

By being charitable to those in our community who need our help, we not only make a better community, we make better kids. Kids that turn into caring adults that will do the same when the time comes. More than likely, they will have learned that from you.

DAD TALK

* Were your parents charitable people?
* Do you help those in need or prefer to mind your own business?
* In what ways do you think you teach your child to be charitable?

THE 15th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to encourage your children to follow their dreams.

As far as I'm concerned, the job of a parent is to raise adults, not kids. Part of raising a good adult is to teach them while they are a child to follow their dreams and to take the risks needed to make them a reality.

Adults that are chasing their dreams are far happier and satisfied with life than those that don't. Personally, I know that is the difference between being unhappy and being happy for me. Ever since taking destiny into my own hands, my whole outlook on life has changed.

I didn't get much support chasing my dreams when I was younger, and perhaps that's why I didn't really have any in the first place. I was content to be mediocre despite my superior performance in school. To my parents' credit, once I figured out what my dreams were and started taking the steps to get there, they have been very supportive.

It feels great having their support and knowing I can talk to them about things when they aren't going as smooth as I'd like. Their encouragement makes me see that I'm not alone and that makes taking the journey that much easier.

Great dads will make sure their children know they support their goals from the time they know what goals are and have confident children that know they can reach their dreams. And when they do, my bet is the first person they will thank is you.

DAD TALK

* Were you encouraged to follow your dreams as a child or expected to conform?
* How did your parents support or lack of support affect your ambitions to chase your dreams?
* Do you encourage your children to follow their dreams, regardless of how you feel about them?

THE 16th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to put your children first.

Children have a deep need to feel they are the most important thing to their parents. Mothers usually master this ability immediately upon birth, but fathers have nature and life working against them.

Fathers are more hardwired to protect their children more than nurture them and they often have the added pressure of being the primary breadwinner and all the responsibilities that implies. It's not difficult for a father with a demanding job to put his career over his children; indeed, he's likely expected to by his superiors.

If you find yourself in this situation, explain to your children early on that daddy has to work to support the family and that he will hurry home as soon as possible to spend time with them. By doing so, there is no confusion that daddy would rather spend time with them, but has an obligation to spend part of his day at work.

The key is to be consistent and to follow through on your words. If you promise to give your child a piggy back ride as soon as you get home, do it. It seems taking their parents words literally is one of a child's first skills. Don't let your children down or you will find yourself as the one being let down later in life when you become a lower priority to your children.

Single fathers especially need to master this tip, not only in how they treat their children, but how they allow their children to do what's best for themselves in a two-home arrangement.

DAD TALK

* Who were the most important things to your parents?
* Do you believe you put your kids first?
* Do you think they'd agree?

THE 17th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to have specific days set apart to have family fun day.

Doing things as a family is a great way to catch up with everyone's latest news and to remind each family member that you are a unit and function best as a unit. Family unity is often regarded as the glue that keeps families close far after the children have flown the coup.

It's also important to have certain times you can spend with each of your children individually and give them a little one-on-one time. Children act differently in different settings. While you are a family unit, that unit consists of powerful individual pieces. Pay attention to the differences in how your children speak to you when they are together as opposed to alone with you.

I know with my daughters, they are far more likely to talk to me about it when I make sure to give them each some time alone. When they are together, they are usually content to chatter amongst themselves. But when they are with me, it's almost always about making me proud of them or helping them solve a problem.

DAD TALK

* Did you spend much time doing things as a family growing up?
* Do you set aside times to do things together with your family now?
* How do your children act differently when together as opposed to alone with you?

THE 18th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to laugh everyday with your children.

It's long been said laughter is the best medicine, but many parents either don't find the time to laugh with their children or simply cannot find anything to laugh about. What a shame!

Laughing creates healthy, happy bonds with your children. It brings joy to others and cures any blues you may have, as well. It also allows your children to believe in a world of good instead of the one seen in the daily news everyday.

For parents who don't have time for this tip, try tickling your child for 5 minutes and see if it doesn't bring a smile to both of your faces. If you can't find something to laugh about, you aren't paying enough attention to your kids. Responsible observation of your children will lend numerous opportunities to laugh with them each day.

DAD TALK

* Was your childhood home filled with laughter?
* What type of bond do you have with your parents?
* Do you think there is any correlation between the first two questions?

THE 19th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to give your children praise daily.

Praising our children is a powerful motivator, for good or bad. The key to praising your kids correctly is to quantify the praise you give them. According to this article, simply praising your child without explaining the "why" actually leads to lower performance.

Though we want our children to believe in themselves, that they are smart and worthy, instilling these beliefs takes a little more effort than just telling them they are so. Like good writers, good parents "show" their children why they are worthy of praise instead of just telling them they are.

Next time your child does something you are proud of them for or accomplishes something new in their life, show them how proud you are by saying something like "I'm very proud of you for getting a "B" on your speech in class today. I know how hard you have worked to get over your fear of talking in front of the class. Public speaking is difficult for everyone at first, but when you work as hard as you did, it can only get easier."

By understanding your child's motivation to do well, your ability to support your children through positive praise can only get easier, as well. Not only will proper praising teach your kids self-esteem, it will encourage them to follow their dreams. Remember to praise the actions and what it took to get there, not the child.

For more tips on praising your child, check out "Good Boy!" Bad Parent?, Using Patience To Parent and How Not To Talk To Your Kids.

DAD TALK

* Were you praised for your "good" actions as a child?
* How do you think that praise or lack of praise affected your self-esteem?
* What ways of praising your children have you seen work best?

THE 20th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to be consistent.

In order to establish routines for your children, you need to learn to be consistent in all areas of your parenting. One of the hardest things for children to do is toe the line between right and wrong in a home without consistency.

By creating routines in your own life, you will be that much closer to setting a consistent example in areas such as discipline, eating habits, work ethic, manners and personal hygiene. Your children will learn your habits and create consistent behaviors in their own lives, a quality that will allow them to make better decisions for themselves throughout their lives.

Consistency is also vitally important when dealing with two home families. Both parents need to agree on rules and acceptable behavior. By learning two sets of rules, you are not only pitting one parent against the other, you are teaching your child that they can act out of character in many situations. Don't fall for the good parent/bad parent trap, be consistent!

For more tips on being consistent, check out The Guiding Principles of Parenting, Caregiver Woes and An Acceptable Means of Discipline?.

DAD TALK

* How consistent were your parents in establishing rules and behaviors?
* Do you think that helped or hurt your behaviors growing up?
* Do you put more weight on consistency or spontaneity?

THE 21st tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to teach your children financial responsibility.

Consumer debt is rising at an alarming rate due to several reasons. One big reason is that children do not learn good money management at home and head out into the world thinking credit cards are mana from heaven.

If we hope for our children to have stable futures, teaching financial responsibility needs to be a high priority for parents. It's not sufficient enough to instill a solid work ethic in our children. We must give them the tools and understanding of how money works and the importance of saving it.

If our children do not learn this important lesson at home, it's likely they will not learn it until they have joined a debt consolidation service, obviously a bit too late. There are many things you can do to teach responsible money management, including giving allowances, creating a bank account for them, showing them how to save up for desired goods and discovering their talents to make money on their own.

Don't let your children add to ugly debt statistics. It is your duty as a parent to teach your child sound financial management, a tool that will allow them to follow their dreams and reach their potential.

For more advice on teaching your children financial responsibility, check out Young Investor, Handling Children and Chores and Teaching Your Kids About Money.

DAD TALK

* Was financial management an important lesson in your home growing up?
* How do you think that impacted your financial status today?
* What things do you do to teach your kids about financial management?

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THE 22nd tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to think before you speak.

As a hero to your children, your words are very powerful and can set the tone of your child's life for years to come. Everything you say to them adheres to their little brains and adds to their self-image. By thinking about what you say before you say it, you can ensure that your children will remember you for the positive words you said to them and not the angry or frustrated ones.

The easiest thing for a parent to do is to react to their child's behavior with yelling, commands, name calling or put downs. You must teach yourself to have the discipline to use each conversation with your child as a learning lesson and positive reinforcement of the behaviors you are trying to encourage.

Kids don't need negativity in their lives, especially from someone as important as their father. Next time you are in a position to blurt something out to your child, take a breath, think about what you want to teach them about the current situation and calmly advise them how to do things a better way.

Don't allow yourself to be remembered for saying the wrong things. Think before you speak!

For more advice on thinking before you speak, check out Think Before You Speak, Being Misunderstood and Watch Out Before You Speak.

DAD TALK

* Do you have memories of your parents yelling at you or putting you down?
* Do you speak to your children the same way?
* When do you think people get over harsh words their parents may have said to them as a child?

THE 23rd tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to conquer your bad habits.

As I've said in previous posts, _________ parents = _________ kids. Whatever bad habits you have, your children are at great risk of picking up themselves. They watch and they mimic. That goes for things like having a good work ethic and being charitable as well as for smoking, drinking and biting fingernails.

I'm not saying people should not do "adult" things, I just don't think they should do them around children. If you are unable to keep your bad habits away from your children, then it is more than just your bad habit. It becomes theirs, as well.

In order to conquer bad habits, one must focus on the desire to quit and nothing else. By putting your children ahead of your "needs", you give yourself some motivation that you may not have otherwise. Keep in mind that if you are disappointed in your own bad habit, you are going to be even more disappointed once your children pick up your habit.

I smoked for several years of my life, a habit I picked up from friends but justified because my parents smoked around me my whole life. So too with drinking, however, I still drink now and then with friends. I just don't drink or even talk about it around my kids.

I realize I could take it a step further and quit altogether, but I don't consider drinking with other adults a bad habit as long as it is handled responsibly. If I start having a hard time drinking responsibly, then that habit too shall have to be conquered because I never want my kids to see me drunk or being obnoxious.

For more advice on conquering your bad habits, check out Release Your Past Trauma, Are Bad Habits Running Your Schedule? and Breaking Bad Habits.

DAD TALK

* What bad habits, if any, did you learn from your parents?
* Do you do these things around your kids?
* What tips do you have for breaking bad habits?

THE 24th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to teach your kids the value of failure.

Too many people believe that failure is a bad thing. Like discipline , failure is an integral part of the growth process. Without failure, you will never know what not to do. Without discipline, you will never have the resolve to not do those things again.

In conversation, I always ask the naysayers of failure where they would be without the failures in their life. From learning to walk to figuring out your best career path, failure was the catalyst that got us on the right path. Indeed, you don't tell a child they failed when they fall down as they learn to walk. You encourage them to try again until they succeed. Not a single one of us skipped the failure stage, yet we are all walking.

Too often, our society paints failure as the end when in reality it is the beginning. Those that are willing to try again invariably make the necessary improvements until finally they reach their goals. Take the time to explain to your children that everyone fails, and that as long as they try their best and don't give up, they will succeed.

Celebrate the failures in their lives (and your own). By encouraging them to take the necessary risks on the road to success and be willing to fail, you will raise children that more than likely will face the world eager to follow their dreams and thank their parents for helping them do so.

As John Keats said, "Don't be discouraged by a failure. It can be a positive experience. Failure is, in a sense, the highway to success, inasmuch as every discovery of what is false leads us to seek earnestly after what is true, and every fresh experience points out some form of error which we shall afterwards carefully avoid."

DAD TALK

* How was failure treated in your childhood home?
* What are your personal thoughts on failure?
* In what ways have you encouraged your children after a failure?

THE 25th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to encourage your children to take risks.

In order to follow ones dreams and realize true happiness in life, one must take risks. Taking the safe road in life may lead to contentment and security, but the majority of people who have taken this road never experience the exhilaration of living life to their potential.

For many years, I was content to be mediocre, living a life without dreams. I had always known that I could do anything I wanted, but I had never been encouraged to go out and do it. Honestly, I was scared to take chances because I didn't want to be "better" than my family and friends.

Looking back on those days, I consider it lost time despite the valuable lessons I learned along the way. At some point, I knew I had to take a chance on my own if I was ever to be truly happy. That decision may be the best I've made to date. The security I once had isn't quite as solid, but I wake up each day looking forward to what is to come instead of just going through the motions.

Having experienced the difference between contentment and happiness, I am passionate about encouraging my children to go for the latter, to follow their dreams at all costs. I let them know that it is ok to fail and that the most important thing is to get back up and try again.

If you are less than thrilled with your life, learn from your childhood and encourage your children to do more than you were encouraged to do. By doing so, you will be remembered as a great father that was thrilled to watch his kids take the chances he never got to take himself.

"Fortune favors the bold." - Virgil

DAD TALK

* Were you encouraged to take risks in life as a child?
* How do you think that has affected your position in life?
* What can you do for your children to help them realize their dreams?

THE 26th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to know your legal rights.

One of the main reasons I started Dadviser was to help single and separated fathers play a bigger role in their children's lives. After a divorce or separation, fathers are often left to play supporting roles, but it doesn't have to be that way.

By knowing your legal rights, separated fathers can play as large a role as they wish. I was out of my child's life for several years, but after asking her if she wanted me back in her life, I moved hundreds of miles to do so. Our relationship consistently improved, but I learned the hard way that I still had to secure my legal rights to have her in my life.

At first, I wasn't allowed to pick her up from school or take her to visit my side of the family, things that made me feel like less of a dad than I should have been. After educating myself of my rights, I went through custody mediation and received joint custody, allowing me all the rights I had previously lost. Not only was I allowed to be a better dad, I felt like I was a better dad.

No matter what position you are in, there are options. Don't let circumstances dictate what type of dad you are. Be proactive, educate yourself, get help and get the rights you deserve. Your child's mother may not agree with it, but your children will appreciate the time and effort you took to make them a bigger part of your life.

For more information on learning your rights, check out Dad's Guide To Custody, Fathers' Rights and Dads Rights.

DAD TALK

* Are you satisfied with your rights as a father?
* How would having more rights enable you to be a better father?
* Do you believe you are an important part of your child's life even though you may not be in it right now?

THE 27th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to eat as a family.

Food makes people feel comfortable, which in turn opens up all kinds of conversation. Eating meals with your family helps you stay up to date on your children�??s lives, as well as share your latest news with them. For many, mealtimes are the only part of the day everyone can stop what they are doing and appreciate the time they have as a family.

Growing up in a home where my brother and I ate alone in the kitchen, I�??ve always felt that created a barrier to communication with our parents, but also symbolized where kids stood in the overall family structure. As a believer that my children are for the most part equal with me, I promised I would always find time to spend dinner together with them. It�??s a good way to stay attached with my children and set a good example for when they have their own families.

Eating dinner together also allows the family to clean up together. Cleaning up together sets the example to go through good and bad things together as a family, and that together, you can clean up any mess. Mealtime also offers a great opportunity for fathers to teach their children about tabletop manners.

Last, but definitely not least, eating meals together allows good fathers an opportunity to teach their kids about healthy eating habits, something that just may keep their kids alive for many additional years in their lives.

DAD TALK

* What was dinnertime like for you as a child?
* Do you think that helped or hurt your family relationship?
* How often do you eat meals with your family?
* How can you increase that number?

THE 28th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to practice.

As they say, practice makes perfect, and it�??s no different with parenting. The more time you spend parenting, the better you will get at it. This doesn�??t mean staying to yourself at home or spending all your time working. It means doing all the things your little ones expect of you and more.

The fact that you are reading this post is proof you want to be a better dad and that you will go out of your way to learn how.

I�??ve often said that our parents did the best they knew how. It�??s true for any of us, so the more we know, the better we will do. For me, that means writing blogs and reading others so that I can know as much as possible about parenting as well as spending as much time as humanly possible with my girls.

Ultimately, the goal is for our own kids not to say we did the best we knew how when they are our age.

DAD TALK

* Does practice makes perfect work for parenting or are there too many things out of your control?
* Besides reading blogs, how do you practice parenting?
* Do you have a special interest or insight that other parents could benefit from? Share them.

THE 29th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to stay attached to your children.

Humans have a tendency to take things out on those they are closest to, and that�??s usually our family. Arguments and disagreements are inevitable and can sometimes go too far and hurt feelings. In these times, as parents, whether it was your feelings hurt or your child�??s, it is your job to remain attached and never shut them out.

If your child is shutting you out, continue talking with them with love and affection. Avoiding a defensive attitude will show your child that they have no need to attack and that you are more interested in maintaining a happy home than being �??right�??.

I�??ve been the �??shut out�?? and the �??shutee�??, both as a child and an adult, and I know how easy it is to hold a grudge or remain quite and pretend things are fine. Only after a good talk and a big hug do things get better, sometimes not even then, but if you always remain attached to your children, they will come around and vice versa.

DAD TALK

* Who do you most often take things out on?
* Who most takes things out on you?
* How long have you held a grudge for?

THE 30th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to say earn your voice.

The best way to stay attached with your children is to talk to them from the minute they are born and never stop. Quite often, fathers only talk to their kids when one of them has done something wrong. As someone that grew up that way, I can tell you that doing so makes your child not want to talk to you.

The more you talk to your children, the more you will earn their trust to talk to you about the issues in their life. Talking also involves listening to your child - sometimes even more so. The main thing is to be as open with your kids in both good and bad times and to be supportive of their choices. Like a valued friend or consultant, you will be a person they seek out when they need advice and someone whose opinion they respect instead of reject.

Children love talking to their fathers. Somewhere along the line, many of us give our children the feeling that we don�??t want to talk with them, that we don�??t have anything in common or that their thoughts aren�??t on the same level. As a loving father, you must understand that equality starts from birth and though your child may be younger or different, only loving them enough to talk with them instead of at them will earn you the right to enjoy a close relationship with them later on.

DAD TALK

* When your parents spoke to you growing up, was it as a child or as a person?
* How do you think that affected the way you speak to your children?
* In troubled times, do you think your children will come to you first?
* Why or why not?

THE 31st tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to be a good role model.

Whether you are a good dad, a bad one or don�??t even care, you are one of the most influential role models of your child�??s life. Children learn from you from day one, and retain many of their parents qualities for life, even after years of consciously trying to change them.

As the father of three daughters, I believe it is vital for me to set a good example for how men should treat women. I�??ve never been one of those dads that talk about scaring off potential suitors with a shotgun or turning the house into a fortress to keep suitors out and daughters in. I know that if I treat women well, especially their mother, my children will likely expect men to treat them well. If not, there isn�??t much more I could have done as a father.

For sons, fathers are the role model for how they treat women, what type of work ethic they have and what type of character they have. If these values are important to you and you show it (not just talk about it), your sons will very likely grow up to respect women, work hard and be viewed as someone with integrity. If not, don�??t blame yourself. There is only so much we can teach our children, but by being a good role model, you have done the best you could in teaching yours.

As they say, actions speak louder than words, and your consistent honorable behavior is the loudest you can hope to be.

DAD TALK

* Who were your role models growing up?
* Was one of them your dad? Why or why not?
* What type of role model have you been to your kids?
* In what ways can you improve on that?

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Day 31 - Be A Good Role Model

Aaron — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 08:11:54 -0500

THE 31st tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to be a good role model.

As they say, actions speak louder than words, and your consistent honorable behavior is the loudest you can hope to be.

DAD TALK

* Who were your role models growing up?
* Was one of them your dad? Why or why not?
* What type of role model have you been to your kids?
* In what ways can you improve on that?

Copyright © 2007 by Dadviser All rights reserved.

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Day 30 - Earn Your Voice

Aaron — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 08:55:02 -0500

THE 30th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to say earn your voice.

The best way to stay attached with your children is to talk to them from the minute they are born and never stop. Quite often, fathers only talk to their kids when one of them has done something wrong. As someone that grew up that way, I can tell you that doing so makes your child not want to talk to you.

The more you talk to your children, the more you will earn their trust to talk to you about the issues in their life. Talking also involves listening to your child - sometimes even more so. The main thing is to be as open with your kids in both good and bad times and to be supportive of their choices. Like a valued friend or consultant, you will be a person they seek out when they need advice and someone whose opinion they respect instead of reject.

Children love talking to their fathers. Somewhere along the line, many of us give our children the feeling that we don�??t want to talk with them, that we don�??t have anything in common or that their thoughts aren�??t on the same level. As a loving father, you must understand that equality starts from birth and though your child may be younger or different, only loving them enough to talk with them instead of at them will earn you the right to enjoy a close relationship with them later on.

DAD TALK

* When your parents spoke to you growing up, was it as a child or as a person?
* How do you think that affected the way you speak to your children?
* In troubled times, do you think your children will come to you first?
* Why or why not?

Copyright © 2007 by Dadviser All rights reserved.

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Day 29 - Stay Attached

Aaron — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 07:36:19 -0500

THE 29th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to stay attached to your children.

Humans have a tendency to take things out on those they are closest to, and that�??s usually our family. Arguments and disagreements are inevitable and can sometimes go too far and hurt feelings. In these times, as parents, whether it was your feelings hurt or your child�??s, it is your job to remain attached and never shut them out.

If your child is shutting you out, continue talking with them with love and affection. Avoiding a defensive attitude will show your child that they have no need to attack and that you are more interested in maintaining a happy home than being �??right�??.

I�??ve been the �??shut out�?? and the �??shutee�??, both as a child and an adult, and I know how easy it is to hold a grudge or remain quite and pretend things are fine. Only after a good talk and a big hug do things get better, sometimes not even then, but if you always remain attached to your children, they will come around and vice versa.

DAD TALK

* Who do you most often take things out on?
* Who most takes things out on you?
* How long have you held a grudge for?

Copyright © 2007 by Dadviser All rights reserved.

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How Napoleon Hill Can Help You Be A Better Dad - Part 3

Aaron — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 05:01:26 -0500

PART 3 of "How To Win Friends And Influence People" deals with winning others over to your way of thinking, a major skill for parents in today's world.

As a rule, I don't "make" my children do anything. It is my job as a parent to persuade them in some way that it is best for them to do the things I ask. Obviously if they don't, there is some sort of repercussion, but I'm not going to have a war of words with a child. In an effort to be more persuasive and win your child over to your way of thinking, try these 12 tips.

Win People To Your Way Of Thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it- Arguments are a waste of time. Generally, someone is bound to get their feelings hurt and the argument still isn't resolved. Simply avoid them.

2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."- Even children deserve your respect. They are every bit as important as you and being dealt with fairly will go a long way towards winning them over.

3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically- People that admit they are wrong and let you know about it are the polar opposites of those that are right and let you know about it. Which ones do you agree with more?

4. Begin in a friendly way- Maintaining a calm voice of reason, especially during times of disagreement, is a powerful persuader. Start your conversations in a friendly manner and don't let anyone deter you from finishing that way.

5. Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately- Don't be accusatory. Instead, form your questions so that the person responding will reply affirmatively. Even in disagreement, getting the other person to say yes reduces tension and increases the chance they will agree with you in the long run.

6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking- Let your children do the talking. It not only makes them feel they are being heard, it will allow you to understand the situation more clearly and ask better questions.

7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers- This tip is hard for many people simply because they want to take credit in the end for resolving things. Let it go. If the other person agrees to do as you say, what does it matter whose idea it was?

8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view- Spend more time listening than talking. By doing so, you will gain a better understanding of what your child is going through and how best to motivate them to taking your desired action.

9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires- Children are just little adults. They have their own hopes, dreams and desires. Let them communicate them and support them in any way possible.

10. Appeal to the nobler motives- Arguing, yelling, dictating and other power trips only minimize your effectiveness as a leader. Remain calm, think before you speak, and appeal to the things your child has shown will motivate them. The key is understanding each of your children individually and keeping a cool head.

11. Dramatize your ideas- Sometimes words aren't enough. If talking doesn't get the desired action from your child, try a story. If a story doesn't work, try showing them.

12. Throw down a challenge- If all else fails, challenge your child. We are all motivated to different degrees to prove people wrong, especially our parents. You never know, maybe in the end, they will prove you wrong. Are you afraid to let them try?

Getting your kids to see things your way isn't nearly as difficult as most parents would like to make you think. These parents have either already lost their children's respect in some manner, don't think before they speak or simply don't care to allow their children their own voice.

If you want a home filled with harmony and respect, try these 12 ideas out, see which ones work best for each of your children and be consistent. Not only will you enjoy reduced stress, you will soon have children that are happy to do the things you ask them without all the fuss.

DAD TALK

* How did your parents "win" you over to their way of thinking?
* Do your children generally do the things you ask them to do or is there usually a battle?
* How can these 12 tips help you improve your family dynamics?

Copyright © 2007 by Dadviser All rights reserved.

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Day 28 - Practice

Aaron — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 07:32:25 -0500

THE 28th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to practice.

As they say, practice makes perfect, and it�??s no different with parenting. The more time you spend parenting, the better you will get at it. This doesn�??t mean staying to yourself at home or spending all your time working. It means doing all the things your little ones expect of you and more.

The fact that you are reading this post is proof you want to be a better dad and that you will go out of your way to learn how.

I�??ve often said that our parents did the best they knew how. It�??s true for any of us, so the more we know, the better we will do. For me, that means writing blogs and reading others so that I can know as much as possible about parenting as well as spending as much time as humanly possible with my girls.

Ultimately, the goal is for our own kids not to say we did the best we knew how when they are our age.

DAD TALK

* Does practice makes perfect work for parenting or are there too many things out of your control?
* Besides reading blogs, how do you practice parenting?
* Do you have a special interest or insight that other parents could benefit from? Share them.

Copyright © 2007 by Dadviser All rights reserved.

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Day 27 - Eat As A Family

Aaron — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 07:17:51 -0500

THE 27th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to eat as a family.

Food makes people feel comfortable, which in turn opens up all kinds of conversation. Eating meals with your family helps you stay up to date on your children�??s lives, as well as share your latest news with them. For many, mealtimes are the only part of the day everyone can stop what they are doing and appreciate the time they have as a family.

Growing up in a home where my brother and I ate alone in the kitchen, I�??ve always felt that created a barrier to communication with our parents, but also symbolized where kids stood in the overall family structure. As a believer that my children are for the most part equal with me, I promised I would always find time to spend dinner together with them. It�??s a good way to stay attached with my children and set a good example for when they have their own families.

Eating dinner together also allows the family to clean up together. Cleaning up together sets the example to go through good and bad things together as a family, and that together, you can clean up any mess. Mealtime also offers a great opportunity for fathers to teach their children about tabletop manners.

Last, but definitely not least, eating meals together allows good fathers an opportunity to teach their kids about healthy eating habits, something that just may keep their kids alive for many additional years in their lives.

DAD TALK

* What was dinnertime like for you as a child?
* Do you think that helped or hurt your family relationship?
* How often do you eat meals with your family?
* How can you increase that number?

Copyright © 2007 by Dadviser All rights reserved.

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How Napoleon Hill Can Help You Be A Better Dad - Part 1

Aaron — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 05:21:36 -0500

RE-READING "How To Win Friends And Influence People" recently, I did so from the perspective of being a father and how to be a better one. Napoleon Hill's 1936 classic has long been a staple in my business dealings, but it's easily worthy of being a template for parenting, as well.

The book is broken down into four parts, each of which are a formula for succeeding at the title task. The first section deals with the fundamentals.

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain- Relationships are hard work. Successful ones require the best in each of us on a consistent basis. When we are not at our best, we are not completely happy with ourselves and it becomes easy to complain about the actions of others. Criticisms of our spouse or children add up in their minds and eventually create a degree of separation.

Keep poisonous words to yourself and find a way to say something positive about the thing you were going to complain about. You'll be happier yourself and be much more enjoyable to be around.

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation- Showing your children appreciation has a magnetic effect and inspires your children to appreciate you. By listening to their words with intent and sharing their interests, it shows that you are sincere in your love for them.

3. Arouse in the other person an eager want- Great fathers have children that love to be around them. Be fun. Encourage them to follow their dreams. Do new things together.

By being a fun and supportive father, your kids will look forward to times they get to share with you. You can make your kids want to be around you, but it requires effort and a dedication to be consistent good in their lives.

If you combine these three fundamental techniques each day, you will have a large influence on your children and they will love spending their time with you. Tomorrow I'll go over part two of this classic book.

DAD TALK

* How often do you complain to or about your children?
* In what ways can you say those things in a more positive manner?
* You may appreciate your children, but do they know it?

Copyright © 2007 by Dadviser All rights reserved.

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Day 26 - Know Your Legal Rights

Aaron — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 07:02:41 -0500

THE 26th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to know your legal rights.

One of the main reasons I started Dadviser was to help single and separated fathers play a bigger role in their children's lives. After a divorce or separation, fathers are often left to play supporting roles, but it doesn't have to be that way.

By knowing your legal rights, separated fathers can play as large a role as they wish. I was out of my child's life for several years, but after asking her if she wanted me back in her life, I moved hundreds of miles to do so. Our relationship consistently improved, but I learned the hard way that I still had to secure my legal rights to have her in my life.

At first, I wasn't allowed to pick her up from school or take her to visit my side of the family, things that made me feel like less of a dad than I should have been. After educating myself of my rights, I went through custody mediation and received joint custody, allowing me all the rights I had previously lost. Not only was I allowed to be a better dad, I felt like I was a better dad.

No matter what position you are in, there are options. Don't let circumstances dictate what type of dad you are. Be proactive, educate yourself, get help and get the rights you deserve. Your child's mother may not agree with it, but your children will appreciate the time and effort you took to make them a bigger part of your life.

For more information on learning your rights, check out Dad's Guide To Custody, Fathers' Rights and Dads Rights.

DAD TALK

* Are you satisfied with your rights as a father?
* How would having more rights enable you to be a better father?
* Do you believe you are an important part of your child's life even though you may not be in it right now?

Copyright © 2007 by Dadviser All rights reserved.

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Day 25 - Encourage Risk Taking

Aaron — Sat, 25 Aug 2007 07:38:56 -0500

THE 25th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to encourage your children to take risks.

In order to follow ones dreams and realize true happiness in life, one must take risks. Taking the safe road in life may lead to contentment and security, but the majority of people who have taken this road never experience the exhilaration of living life to their potential.

For many years, I was content to be mediocre, living a life without dreams. I had always known that I could do anything I wanted, but I had never been encouraged to go out and do it. Honestly, I was scared to take chances because I didn't want to be "better" than my family and friends.

Looking back on those days, I consider it lost time despite the valuable lessons I learned along the way. At some point, I knew I had to take a chance on my own if I was ever to be truly happy. That decision may be the best I've made to date. The security I once had isn't quite as solid, but I wake up each day looking forward to what is to come instead of just going through the motions.

Having experienced the difference between contentment and happiness, I am passionate about encouraging my children to go for the latter, to follow their dreams at all costs. I let them know that it is ok to fail and that the most important thing is to get back up and try again.

If you are less than thrilled with your life, learn from your childhood and encourage your children to do more than you were encouraged to do. By doing so, you will be remembered as a great father that was thrilled to watch his kids take the chances he never got to take himself.

"Fortune favors the bold." - Virgil

DAD TALK

* Were you encouraged to take risks in life as a child?
* How do you think that has affected your position in life?
* What can you do for your children to help them realize their dreams?

Copyright © 2007 by Dadviser All rights reserved.

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Free John Chow Banner Ad Contest

Aaron — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 20:07:25 -0500

MOST bloggers know who John Chow is, but for those who don't, he is one of the highest paid bloggers on the internet. He also has a huge level of traffic come through his site each day.

Tim Schroeder of eMonetized is giving four people the chance to have their own 125 x 125 banner ad shown on John Chow for free. You can read more about his John Chow banner contest here.

The winners will likely experience a nice influx of traffic to their site, something that most of us are actively trying to make happen daily. There probably isn't going to be an easier way to get a healthy amount of new readers to your blog than this, so head over to Tim's blog and drop your comments.

If you win, let us know how the banner affects your traffic. I'm definitely interested in seeing what a $500 banner can do for a less popular blog's traffic. Good luck!

Day 24 - Teach Your Kids The Value Of Failure

Aaron — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 07:58:47 -0500

THE 24th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to teach your kids the value of failure.

Too many people believe that failure is a bad thing. Like discipline , failure is an integral part of the growth process. Without failure, you will never know what not to do. Without discipline, you will never have the resolve to not do those things again.

In conversation, I always ask the naysayers of failure where they would be without the failures in their life. From learning to walk to figuring out your best career path, failure was the catalyst that got us on the right path. Indeed, you don't tell a child they failed when they fall down as they learn to walk. You encourage them to try again until they succeed. Not a single one of us skipped the failure stage, yet we are all walking.

Too often, our society paints failure as the end when in reality it is the beginning. Those that are willing to try again invariably make the necessary improvements until finally they reach their goals. Take the time to explain to your children that everyone fails, and that as long as they try their best and don't give up, they will succeed.

Celebrate the failures in their lives (and your own). By encouraging them to take the necessary risks on the road to success and be willing to fail, you will raise children that more than likely will face the world eager to follow their dreams and thank their parents for helping them do so.

As John Keats said, "Don't be discouraged by a failure. It can be a positive experience. Failure is, in a sense, the highway to success, inasmuch as every discovery of what is false leads us to seek earnestly after what is true, and every fresh experience points out some form of error which we shall afterwards carefully avoid."

DAD TALK

* How was failure treated in your childhood home?
* What are your personal thoughts on failure?
* In what ways have you encouraged your children after a failure?

Copyright © 2007 by Dadviser All rights reserved.

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10 More Ways To Spend Quality Time With Your Children

Aaron — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 05:00:17 -0500

SPENDING time with our children is at the top of the priority list for good dads. Unfortunately, many fathers don't have the time to spend much time with their kids.

Though young children want to spend all their time with us, the important thing to remember is that quality time is far more important than quantity of time. Here are 10 great ways you can spend quality time with your children.

1. Make believe- Kids love to pretend. They like it just as much when you pretend with them.

2. Build models and crafts- Participating on projects together builds bonds and encourages trying new things.

3. Care for pets- Bathe or walk your dog or teach your kids how to care for your other animals.

4. Explore nature- Hike, bike, swim or ski. Nature is fun when you do things together.

5. Start a collection- Build a collection of something you and your children will both enjoy and show it off to others.

6. Share entertainment together- Go to a movie, out to eat or take in a ballgame.

7. Create a business- Start a business with them and let them keep the profits. For great ideas, I recommend Ka-Ching.

8. Volunteer- Help out the elderly, homeless or injured people of your community.

9. Visit community resources- Go to your local library, police or fire station, chamber of commerce, etc. Take the time to teach your kids some civics lessons.

10. Share memories- Reminisce about the past, good times and bad. Rehashing your memories reinforces bonds.

DAD TALK

* How many of these things did you do with your own parents?
* How many of these have you done with your children?
* What other ways do you spend quality time with your children?

Copyright © 2007 by Dadviser All rights reserved.

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When To Get Your Child A Cellphone

Aaron — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 07:35:44 -0500

TODAY'S reader question from Louis asks "My son is 9 and really wants a cellphone for his upcoming birthday. My wife thinks it's ok, but I don't think 9-year-olds need a cellphone. What do you think?"

Two of my daughters have cellphones, but I was against it both times. Unfortunately, they were spending more time with their mother at the time and I didn't get to protest.

Personally, the only reason I like them having a cellphone is because I can call them directly instead of having to talk to their mom all the time. Other than that, I don't think elementary-aged kids need cellphones and I'd almost extend that to junior high school kids.

In my opinion, there are some things children need to learn before and set as a higher priority than socializing. One of those things would be making and managing money. Another would be respecting those around them, especially in class. Most kids I know with cell phones tend to use them mainly for playing games, often at inappropriate times.

I don't think I can put an age on when it would be appropriate to have a cellphone. Instead I'd base the decision on how well the child respects property, teachers and others and has their priorities in order.

DAD TALK

* What age do you think is appropriate for children to have cellphones?
* What was the main factor in choosing to give or not give your child a cellphone?
* In what ways have you seen cellphones get children into trouble?

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Day 23 - Conquer Your Bad Habits

Aaron — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 07:16:49 -0500

THE 23rd tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to conquer your bad habits.

As I've said in previous posts, _________ parents = _________ kids. Whatever bad habits you have, your children are at great risk of picking up themselves. They watch and they mimic. That goes for things like having a good work ethic and being charitable as well as for smoking, drinking and biting fingernails.

I'm not saying people should not do "adult" things, I just don't think they should do them around children. If you are unable to keep your bad habits away from your children, then it is more than just your bad habit. It becomes theirs, as well.

In order to conquer bad habits, one must focus on the desire to quit and nothing else. By putting your children ahead of your "needs", you give yourself some motivation that you may not have otherwise. Keep in mind that if you are disappointed in your own bad habit, you are going to be even more disappointed once your children pick up your habit.

I smoked for several years of my life, a habit I picked up from friends but justified because my parents smoked around me my whole life. So too with drinking, however, I still drink now and then with friends. I just don't drink or even talk about it around my kids.

I realize I could take it a step further and quit altogether, but I don't consider drinking with other adults a bad habit as long as it is handled responsibly. If I start having a hard time drinking responsibly, then that habit too shall have to be conquered because I never want my kids to see me drunk or being obnoxious.

For more advice on conquering your bad habits, check out Release Your Past Trauma, Are Bad Habits Running Your Schedule? and Breaking Bad Habits.

DAD TALK

* What bad habits, if any, did you learn from your parents?
* Do you do these things around your kids?
* What tips do you have for breaking bad habits?

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Day 22 - Think Before You Speak

Aaron — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 07:14:39 -0500

THE 22nd tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to think before you speak.

As a hero to your children, your words are very powerful and can set the tone of your child's life for years to come. Everything you say to them adheres to their little brains and adds to their self-image. By thinking about what you say before you say it, you can ensure that your children will remember you for the positive words you said to them and not the angry or frustrated ones.

The easiest thing for a parent to do is to react to their child's behavior with yelling, commands, name calling or put downs. You must teach yourself to have the discipline to use each conversation with your child as a learning lesson and positive reinforcement of the behaviors you are trying to encourage.

Kids don't need negativity in their lives, especially from someone as important as their father. Next time you are in a position to blurt something out to your child, take a breath, think about what you want to teach them about the current situation and calmly advise them how to do things a better way.

Don't allow yourself to be remembered for saying the wrong things. Think before you speak!

For more advice on thinking before you speak, check out Think Before You Speak, Being Misunderstood and Watch Out Before You Speak.

DAD TALK

* Do you have memories of your parents yelling at you or putting you down?
* Do you speak to your children the same way?
* When do you think people get over harsh words their parents may have said to them as a child?

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