dagblog.com

Barack Obama wishes all Americans a “New Year”

William K. Wolfrum — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 16:07:03 +0000

WASHINGTON – President Barack Obama today officially wished all Americans a “New Year,” breaking with the tradition of U.S. Presidents wishing U.S. citizens a “Happy New Year.”

In his original draft, Obama had said he wanted all Americans to have a “Happy New Year.” However, Rep. Peter King (R), quickly protested, saying that Obama was “Once again showing his arrogance and hatred of freedom.”

“By wishing everyone a ‘Happy’ New Year, Obama is putting his liberal spin on 2010,” said King, strangling a small dog as he spoke. “Americans should feel free to have any type of New Year they wish, whether it be happy, morose or supremely crappy.”

Upon hearing the news of King’s complaints, Obama quickly shifted gears. In his official announcement, Obama strictly avoided any type of adjective that could possibly “restrict the freedoms of unhappy Americans.”

“My family and I wish all Americans a New Year. And may 2010 be a Year,” said Obama’s official statement.

A White House spokesman, speaking from behind a black sheet and using a voice modulator, said that Obama felt that his greeting showcased the administration’s willness to make bipartisan compromise.

“We just want to get the ball rolling on this,” said the eerie, electronically modified voice. “We’re hoping that future administrations are able to improve upon this message and make it something that will appeal to all Americans.”

–WKW

Feature video:

Include this post in the featured videos

Indonesian Travel Journal: How to Pack

Orlando — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 03:34:46 +0000

Step 1: Wake up early, determined to finish packing up at least one room.

Step 2: Check email.

Step 3: Check Dagblog.

Step 4: Check Facebook.

Step 5: Read news.

Step 6: Shower.

Step 7: Head next door to see what the family is up to. (Wii!)

Step 8: Play Lego Star Wars on the Wii

Step 9: Play Just Dance on the Wii (FREAKING AWESOME!)

Step 10: Have lunch with a friend you won't see for a couple years at least.

Step 11: Get home from lunch determined to finish the room by dinner.

Step 12: Order some shoes online.

Step 13: Go to the post office.

Step 14: Get a pedicure.

Step 15: Drive a half hour to see a newly-born member of the family.

Step 16: Drive back.

Step 17: Stop by the doctor's office to get a tetanus shot.

Step 18: Get home and go next door to see what the family cooked for dinner.

Step 19: Eat with the family and then watch some television.

Step 20: Return home to go to bed, determined to wake up early and finish at least one room.

I figure if I can sustain this schedule for 13 more days, I won't actually have to pack. It's a strategy that's working for me so far.

Feature video:

Include this post in the featured videos

Nine Out of Ten Taliban Agree: Dead Animals Do Not Belong in Polo

MJS — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 17:39:57 +0000

At least the Taliban and I can agree on something.

During their regime in Afghanistan, the Taliban banned the popular Central Asian sport, Buzkashi. This, uh, sport consists of horseback men riding around and trying to drag a dead calf into a ring in the sand.

If you find this objectionable for some odd reason, don’t worry – a goat can also be used.

So, the Taliban may make no bones about killing innocent people for no particular reason, but dragging around dead calves – that has got to stop. Well, since these musketeers of peace and morality are no longer running things in merry ol’ Afghanistan, the sport has made a comeback.

Now that I’ve wetted your appetite for playing polo with deceased barnyard animals, here’s the good news: the Afghans want to bring Buzkashi to the world stage, perhaps as an Olympic sport.

In anticipation of some objection from the part of the Western world, the Afghans’ Buzkashi Federation has already banned the use of knives and weapons during matches. Even with these adjustments, my guess is that the sport is still a few tweaks away from being something the West would warm up to.

Feature video:

Include this post in the featured videos

U.S. Officials: "Happy New Year" greetings likely originated in Yemen

William K. Wolfrum — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 17:08:06 +0000

ITALY - Blogger William K. Wolfrum today sent Happy New Years greetings to all his friends, family and readers. Upon hearing this news, U.S. officials quickly surmised that the greeting likely originated in Yemen.

"At this point it may be too early to tell, but we have it on good authority that the New Years greetings in question more than likely originated in Yemen," said an anonymous U.S. official. "Al Qaeda has a stronghold in Yemen, and the recent attempted terrorist attack came from someone in Yemen. Yemen."

Wolfrum, reportedly on vacation, has denied any connection to Yemen, and has admitted only to struggling to find the apostrophe key on an Italian keyboard, thus forcing him to try and write everything sans apostrophes.

"It is a real pain in the ass, let me tell all of you," said Wolfrum.

U.S. officials responded by saying in is well known that Yemen is a growing terrorist stronghold that rarely used apostrophes.

"Yemen," said the officials.

Nonetheless, Wolfrum was adamant about getting his greetings out.

"I wish all of you a Happy New Year, and hope that 2010 is a wonderful year for you all, in every way imaginable," said Wolfrum.

--WKW

Feature video:

Include this post in the featured videos

Progress and the Pendulum

Doctor Cleveland — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 19:17:21 +0000

I'm watching the snow through an airport window, thinking about the posts I've meant to get to in the last hectic week or so, and about the things I have to do and the places I have to fly over the next ten days. But for today, it'll have to be a short one, and mostly a metaphor.

We're at the end, more or less, of a decades-long rightward swing of America's political pendulum swing in this country. We'd gotten to the point where lots of sensible proposals seem like wild-eyed leftism, and where many of the conversations at the right end of the spectrum have come untethered from practical policy and basic reality. Essentially, the conservative movement has driven the country off the road, and now we're beginning a long, slow leftward hitchhike to the middle. The end of the swing was deeply frustrating for most progressives, including me, and the 2008 national election seemed to mark the beginning of that return to sanity. But it's been frustrating for lots of progressives (again, including me) that momentum of the last year hasn't been greater. Lots of people were hoping Obama would turn the country around and start to gain some enormous ground, very very fast. All I can say to my fellow liberals, progressives, and lefties, is this:

Look at a pendulum sometime. If you don't have one handy, and grandfather clocks aren't part of your decorating scheme, look at a kid on a swing. Notice that when the pendulum reaches the far end of its swing, it slows down. Then, for a very brief period, it actually stops. (This is easier to see if you're watching some 8-year-old girls who can really fly on the swings. Look at that moment where they're essentially stopped in midair.) After the stop, it picks up momentum again, this time in the opposite direction. It starts moving pack to the mid-point slowly, then faster, and as it passes through the middle of its arc it's going at its maximum speed. That's the momentum that carries it back the other way, until it reaches the other end of its swing, runs out of energy, and pauses before returning.

I would suggest that we've just has a thirty-year pendulum swing end. The motion back in the direction lefties prefer isn't terribly fast right now, and isn't as fast as it's going to get. Gradually, as with real pendulums, we will reach the middle of the political spectrum at blazing speed and keep moving, moving along further and further until, in a couple of decades perhaps, we've swung too far out past the concerns of the avergae voter and the pendulum will start falling back toward the center. I don't know when that will be. But the pendulum always starts the return with a little hesitation. That doesn't mean it's not going to pick up speed.

Feature video:

Include this post in the featured videos

Overstalk.com CEO Patrick Byrne unveils new tool for curious investors

William K. Wolfrum — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 19:55:20 +0000

Tired of not being able to know the secrets of those you obsess over? Want a closer look at those that have something you think can help divert attention from the awful truth? Well, at Overstalk.com, CEO Patrick Byrne has a special deal on a device that will help you “look through the windows” of those who may have some vague thing in their past that can be attacked ad nauseum.

For years, Patrick Byrne has lusted after the success, respect and ability of others. Ill-equipped to gain that success on his own merits, he has learned that it’s best to blame and stalk others. Now, for less than $30, this significant part of the Overstalk.com arsenal can be yours.

Order now and receive a free exorcism from Facebook, as well as an invented certificate claiming that you’re a bad-ass karate guy who shouldn’t be messed with.

So order now, and have as much fun with naked short stalking as Patrick Byrne does!

–WKW

Feature video:

Include this post in the featured videos

BREAKING: God Apologizes for Failure to Disrupt Senate Health Care Vote

Genghis — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 18:45:11 +0000

God issued an unusual apology on Monday for failing to stop Senate Democrats from cutting off a Republican filibuster of the health care bill. In a brief press statement, God acknowledged underestimating Democrats' resolve and promised a thorough review His divine intercession policies.

In recent weeks, millions of Americans had prayed for God's help to stop the Democrats from passing a health care bill. After the Family Research Council organized a 90-minute prayercast with Senators Jim DeMint (R-SC) and Sam Brownback (R-KS) and Representatives Michele Bachmann (R-MN), Randy Forbes (R-VA), and Todd Akin (R-MO), most theological analysts predicted that God would heed the demands of his constituents. Many interpreted Saturday's record-breaking blizzard in Washington D.C. as evidence that God was taking steps to address the crisis.

But Democrats thwarted the blizzard by holing up overnight in the Capitol building as they doggedly pursued a cloture vote. Realizing that the act of God had failed, Senator Tom Coburn (R-OK) called for an emergency intercession, insisting, "What the American people oughtta pray is that somebody can't make the vote tonight."

Analysts focused on the 92-year-old Robert Byrd (D-WV), who seemed like an easy target for the most powerful deity in the universe. But when aides wheeled the senator into the Senate Chamber at 1:06 am, it was clear that God had screwed up.

In His press statement, God expressed surprise at the Democrat Senators' determination, stating that "no one could have predicted that those lazy, spineless secularists would get their act together," but He acknowledged that the miscalculation had seriously undermined His reputation for omnipotence. In addition, God blamed "bureaucratic snafus" on His failure to respond to Senator Coburn's urgent prayer, and He promised "a full, unblinking review" of the Emergency Divine Intercession Network (EDIN).

While God conceded that institutional changes could take eons, too late to save innocent Americans from Federal death panels and health care benefits for illegal immigrants, He promised an extensive evaluation in which all punitive options would be considered, including "fire," "brimstone," "flood," "pestilence," and "frogs."

God's supporters expressed disappointment at His failure to stop the Senate vote. While some held out hope that He could still pull off a Christmas miracle, others expressed disillusion and skepticism. According to one depressed believer who asked not to be named for fear of divine retribution, God was "on probation":

"If He puts an outside expert in charge of the review, maybe I'll go back to Church. But if it's just another ass-kissing preacher blinded by God's alleged perfection, I'll put my faith into another institution with more accountability. The peer review system in the Hindu pantheon is very appealing to me these days."

Feature video:

Include this post in the featured videos

Who is a Jew? Britain's Supreme Court Dings State-Funded Jewish School

Genghis — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 20:08:14 +0000

When I was twelve years old, my father took a sabbatical in London, and our family moved from quiet, middle class Iowa City to London's buzzing if somewhat downtrodden Camden neighborhood. I enrolled in a "state school" called J.F.S. (Brits confusingly call their private academies "public schools".) I would walk to school by myself past the gloomy "estates" (housing projects) and the jumbled little shops of Kentish Town, shyly self-conscious in my blue blazer, gray sweater, and striped blue-and-gold tie.

But I would not put on my blue-and-gold beanie until I arrived at the school. A beanie is an unusual accessory in an English school uniform. Its significance is suggested by the full name of the school, Jews Free School. The "beanie" was a yarmulke.

Britain lacks the strict separation between church and state of the U.S. A third of its state-funded schools are religious. Most are Anglican or Catholic, but 37 are Jewish, seven Muslim, two Sikh, one Hindu, one Greek Orthodox, and one Seventh Day Adventist. The majority of my classes at J.F.S. were secular, but Hebrew study and a course called "Religious Knowledge" were required. The cafeteria was kosher, and we recited Jewish prayers several times a day. In addition to the state holidays, we also got the Jewish holidays off, and the school closed early on Fridays--my favorite part of attending a Jewish school.

J.F.S. is the news today. Britain's Supreme Court has ruled that it must change its admissions policy. J.F.S. only admits Jews, but that practice is not illegal in the U.K. What is illegal is the way J.F.S.'s admissions policy defined what it means to be a Jew. According to traditional Jewish law, if your mother is Jewish, you're Jewish, no matter what you believe. If she's not, then you're not, no matter what you believe. You can, however, convert to Judaism, though it's not nearly as easy as dunking your head and embracing God. There are various rituals and tests of knowledge required, and if you're male, you need to be circumcised. (The last requirement may partly explain why there are so few Jews in the world.)

The case in the news involves another twelve-year-old boy, known as M in court papers. His father is Jewish, his mother is Jewish, and I presume that M is circumcised. But M's mother was not born Jewish; she converted in a progressive Jewish synagogue. Since J.F.S.'s admissions policy only recognized Orthodox Jewish conversions, M's mother's conversion didn't count. Ipso facto, the school did not consider M to be Jewish and refused to admit him.

M sued. He lost. He appealed. The Court of Appeal found the school's admissions policy to be based not on religion, which is legal, but race, which is not, and ruled for M. J.F.S. appealed. In a 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court upheld the ruling. J.F.S. has changed its admissions policy to use a "religious practice test" instead of the matrineal test.

The question of what it means to be a Jew is one of the most divisive questions within the Jewish community. Orthodox synagogues and organizations claim exclusive privilege in defining Jewish identity. For instance, under Israel's Law of Return, all Jews are allowed to settle in Israel and to become citizens. For most of Israel's history, the Chief Rabbinate of Israel had the authority to determine the validity of conversions according to Orthodox requirements. In 2005, the Israeli Supreme Court ruled that non-Orthodox conversions outside Israel were also valid.

I have a younger sister who was too young to attend J.F.S. when we lived in London. She is adopted. As a Native American, we're pretty sure that her biological mother wasn't Jewish, Mormon theology notwithstanding. When I was young, I remember traveling to Des Moines, where my sister had a ritual bath called a mikvah and officially converted to Judaism under Orthodox rules. My parents explained that our synagogue, the only one in Iowa City, wasn't religious enough and that my sister needed the full conversion in case she someday decided to move to Israel or wanted to marry an Orthodox Jew. They weren't thinking about Jewish schools in England.

Feature video:

Include this post in the featured videos

Media is terrified of Patrick Byrne & Overstock.com’s anti-privacy activities

William K. Wolfrum — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 19:21:41 +0000

Sometimes, as a journalist, blogger, or what have you, you come across a story you think has real meat on the bone. Such was my thinking when I saw that Patrick Byrne, CEO of Overstock.com, had been mining Facebook to create some type of “enemies list.” The list included business writers, bloggers, as well as the children and families of said writers and bloggers.

This, coming from Byrne, who is already under investigation by the SEC for the second time in recent memory, would make one believe there’s some type of story there. Think about it – the CEO of an online retailer is using Facebook to invade people’s privacy. You’d think this would be of some interest to someone. Somwhere.

Thus far, however, from the mainstream media, there has been only crickets. Here’s what the MSM has put out on Byrne in the past few days. From the Tampa Tribune:

Saturday before Christmas typically the busiest for retailers

Patrick Byrne of Lake Placid bought a couple of small gifts at the Avon Park Wal-Mart along with household items with holiday designs including towels, a throw (small blanket) and area rug.

Yes, that’s right, it’s not even the same Patrick Byrne.

The Internet, including prominent Business sites and writers, however, have been all over Byrne and his flunky Judd Bagley:

Overstock CEO Patrick Byrne’s Facebook Pretexting Scheme Lasted Six Months (Business Insider)

Ritholtz: Boycott Overstock.com (The Street)

(Motley Fool)

http://www.fool.com/investing/general/2009/12/14/1-retail-winner-we-can-all-agree-on.aspx“>Pathetic Patty Byrne & Judd Bagley Stealing Facebook Friends

(Business Insider)

Trader: We’re Shorting Overstock.com Because Of This Facebook Insanity

And on and on. And all Byrne has to offer is more issuer retaliation.

It’s as simple as this: When it comes to Patrick Byrne & Overstock.com, the mainstream media are nothing but cowards.

How cowardly you ask? Well, take boy-genius Matt Taibbi, for example. A couple months ago, Taibbi more or less dictated Byrne’s nonsensical accusations that Naked Short Sellers destroyed the entire global economy. It was a huge story in Rolling Stone.

Accordingly, Taibbi was blasted by every business writer that could still punch a keyboard. That was in Late November. How has Hunter S. Taibbi handled the situation?

By completely ignoring it. One day, naked short sellers were destroying the universe and killing your children in cold blood. Since then, nothing. Taibbi has run from the story faster than Tiger Woods is running away from women that aren’t his wife. That’s good old-fashion gonzo journalism in 2009.

Taibbi (when you write for RS, you are mainstream) and the rest of the mainstream media are either terrified of Patrick Byrne, or terrified of doing any actual work. That’s the only thing I can think of. All the information is out there, from multiple sources, or can be looked up independently.

Patrick Byrne is being investigated by the SEC, is using Facebook to list 10-year-olds, hasn’t made a profit EVER, and has made it a point to be a sexist, angry, mal-informed dick at every turn. And the mainstream media won’t touch him. What a bunch of cowards.

–WKW

Feature video:

Include this post in the featured videos

Overstock.com 'Spy' Larry Bergman & Hoax Martin Eisenstadt accused of illicit ‘Tater-Totting’ affair

William K. Wolfrum — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 11:03:40 +0000

ITALY – In a land known for sordid romances, the latest romantic drama has people around the globe transfixed, as two great mythical characters have been linked together by noted blogger William K. Wolfrum.

“I have learned from my sources that Larry Bergman – a creation of Overstock.com CEO Patrick Byrne – and infamous Hoax pundit Martin Eisenstadt have been seen canoodling in a New York bar,” said Wolfrum. “This would mark the first time in known history that two invented personages have had an illicit relationship.”

Bergman, who was created by Byrne’s underling Judd Bagley, has thus far refused to, or been physically unable to comment. Eisenstadt has thus far been in hiding, reportedly on a “book tour,” and also has yet to comment.

While, this would not be the first time two fictitious people had a sordid affair, it is certainly the most prominent, as it involves two nefarious fictitious subjects.

Bergman was created solely so Byrne and Bagley could spy on supposed “enemies” of Overstock.com. The Bergman character has used Facebook to pry into the private lives of people like Sam Antar, Felix Salmon, Barry Ritholtz and others.

For Eisenstadt’s part, the fictitious pundit was created to showcase the ineptitude of real-life American pundits. This is the first reported case of a “spy-on-pundit” relationship in Internet history.

While it is physically impossible for two fictitious personages to have physical relations, Wolfrum was adamant that the two had engaged in “nasty” activities.

“From my research, I have learned that the fake Bergman and the fake Eisenstadt have been doing all sorts of horrifying things, including Cleveland Steamers and Dirty Sanchez’s,”said Wolfrum, admitting he wasn’t really sure what either of those activities were. “They have also engaged in ‘Portuguese Bobsledding,’ ‘Tater-totting,’ and ‘Fork Fighting,’ with most of the activities being videotaped.

“As they are both fictitious, anything I attribute to them must be a part of their character,” added Wolfrum. “So these guys are just sick.”

As for the future of the relationship, Wolfrum demurred.

“Well, I know Eisenstadt and his creators should have a profitable future,” said Wolfrum. “As for Bergman, his creators – Byrne, Bagley and the entire Overstock.com board (which may also be fictitious) – will assuredly be heard from again, perhaps in some type of court where they can explain their complete lack of regard for privacy laws.

“I can guarantee you haven’t seen the last of the Tater-totting from Byrne, Bagley or Bergman,” added Wolfrum. “And the simple fact is this – neither really exists, so any accusation I make against them must be true.”

As a disclaimer, Wolfrum added that he has never been involved in the stock market and has no interest in OSTK or any other stock. He said that “unlike journalists like Matt Taibbi,” he just wanted to see the full story of Byrne and Bagley come to light, rather than “cherry-pick” certain aspects of the story in order to burnish his reputation.

–WKW

Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles

Feature video:

Include this post in the featured videos