dagblog.com - Potpourri

Scott Brown's Daughters - They're coming

William K. Wolfrum — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 19:39:30 +0000

We are living in a special time. Right now, we live in a world yet to be infected with lurid tales and gossip about Sen. Scott Brown’s daughters. Soon, Ayla and Arianna Brown will have the paparazzi aswoon, and be somehow linked to Paris Hilton, Perez Hilton, Hilton Perez and Perez Paris (assuming those final two exist).

Our media may not be able to explain Reconciliation, but they know how to blanket-cover college-aged girls. So enjoy things while you can. Because soon they’ll be everywhere. After all, once The Huffington Post starts running "BIKINI SHOT" stories about them, you just know they'll be huge

--WKW

Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles

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Tiger Woods SEO Tip

William K. Wolfrum — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 02:58:57 +0000

Here`s the tip? Just mention Tiger Woods. And Elin. And Affairs. Toss in a helping of steroids, and Britney Spears (because you`re a rebel), and you`re in the money. It`s a new Tiger world we live in. Maybe we can pray it away.

--WKW

LABELS - Blantant and sad attempted Google Manipulation by someone you`d think would be above that sort of thing but isn`t and that`s kind of sad really .

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Tiger Chasing Tail Just Par for the Course

Deadman — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 00:19:08 +0000

I'm shocked by this whole Tiger Woods scandal. Not by Tiger's behavior, of course, but by the silence that seems to be accompanying it, at least in my circle of friends on Facebook.

I really expected to be bombarded today with status updates addressing the emerging Tiger Woods scandal. I expected them to be mainly from women expressing some degree of disappointment or outrage. Instead, I only saw one status update that fit the bill.

Maybe my Facebook friends just aren't indicative of society at large, but to me, this lack of response is a much bigger shock than anything that's happened in TigerWorld over the past week.

I mean, let's be real, on the surface, this is a fascinating story - on a 1-10 scale rating the salaciousness of celebrity scandals, this rates an 11 at least. This is Eliot Spitzer, plus Kobe Bryant, plus Nick Hogan, plus Hugh Grant, all thrown into one juicy mixing pot.

You've got your billionaire sports hero, a rare breed of athlete at the top of his game, one of if not the best in his sport ever, beloved by millions and the beneficiary of a squeaky clean public image. You've got your super hot chick for a wife, a couple of cute kids, and a seemingly perfect life.

And in the space of a week's time, it's all come crashing down, literally, with a late-night car accident that allegedly followed a particularly intense marital dispute, which allegedly followed a series of affairs Tiger has had with one or more women (The specifics are still annoyingly vague, but Tiger has admitted to 'transgressions' on his Web site - note the plural use of the word).

Usually, in these kinds of situations, the outrage you hear from America's peanut galleries is deafening - which to my ears resembles the sound of thousands of glass houses falling down as judgmental people throw their sad, schadenfreude-filled stones.

But maybe, just maybe, we're starting to learn that perfection is a myth, and idol worship a waste of time. That no matter how superhuman Tiger is on the golf course, that off of it, he is just like the rest of us, utterly flawed and remarkably human. Monogamy may or may not be the most moral path for humans, but it certainly is not the natural path. In my opinion, it would be more shocking if Tiger actually hewed to his carefully constructed image and didn't succumb to the temptations that must surround him at every corner.

Is Tiger a hypocrite because he actively helped cultivate that sparkling family man image? Of course.

Should his behavior in anyway take away from his accomplishments on the golf course? Of course not.

Does Tiger really have a right to expect privacy at this time when he has earned hundreds of millions of dollars from regular folk who bought into the Tiger mystique? That's a much tougher question to answer. Tiger made the vast majority of his fortune off the golf course, selling not just his athletic prowess but a story and image that he was incapable of living up to. If he wishes to keep raking in the sponsorship millions, he may have some 'splainin to do.

But it's also past time we question why we fall for these obviously man-made mythologies in the first place. For now, I'm considering the relative silence on this issue a small sign of progress.

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The Simple Beauty of Sandhill Cranes

Orlando — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 02:44:58 +0000

Last Saturday, I had the pleasure of standing on the side of a field flanked by marshland and farmland, as groups of migrating sandhill cranes flew in from the north, east, and west. Each fall, over 10,000 cranes visit the area around Medaryville, Indiana. Over several weeks, groups of them land in the same field, starting about an hour before sunset. There, they socialize a bit before retiring to the marshes. They come back to the field in the morning, to dance and sing a little bit more, before eating and then continuing their migration south.

I stood for two hours, watching the same scene play out. Groups from two to two hundred flew over, circled, and then dropped. With their long legs extended straight toward the ground and their wings stretched wide, they almost looked like paratroopers, gliding in for a landing. With each new flock, I was transfixed.

Sometimes I forget how beautiful Indiana can be. As I prepare to leave it, I'm reminding myself.

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Jesus Christ quits Christianity after viewing Republican platform

William K. Wolfrum — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 22:35:53 +0000

(With today's GOP, I feel like this post - originally posted Sept. 2008 - never stops being topical.)

For years, Jesus Christ had kept quiet while his “followers” had killed and committed horrendous acts of intolerance in his name. They were the “birth pangs” of a new religion, his surrogates would say. One day he would be accepted by all as a liberator.

But in an announcement that has left his followers shaken, the Christ himself has come forward to announce that he is leaving Christianity, effective immediately. The reasoning: The 2008 Republican Platform. Reached for comment at a West Hollywood coffee shop, Christ said that he couldn’t deal with a world that so misinterpreted his words and actions.

“They mention the word ‘faith’ 12 times in their platform,” said Christ. “Do they think we’re idiots or something?”

Christ went on to say that he had grown tired of being portrayed as a “marauding archangel of vengeance,” and that he held out little hope that the world would ever accept his message of peace.

“There’s a new breed of Christian out there that seems to think I represent free-for-all capitalism and slaying my enemies,” said Christ, munching on an arugula quiche. “I mean, they made Isaiah into a Cold War-era strategist, for Dad’s sake. Did they even read the New Testament?”

With the 2008 U.S. Presidential election coming up in short order, many have expressed skepticism over the timing of Christ’s announcement. Reached for comment, John McCain’s campaign lobbyist Rick Davis said that his candidate would not be responding to the “obvious liberal smear.”

“John McCain has made it clear that he will not speak to or about Jesus Christ until Christ shows him the respect he deserves,” said Davis. “John McCain was a POW and deserves respect. Jesus obviously can’t understand the kind of sacrifice John McCain made.”

For his part, Democratic Presidential nominee Barack Obama has said he plans to stay above the fray.

“This is above my pay grade,” said Obama during a campaign stop in Canton, Kansas. “Way, way, way above my pay grade.”

The reaction from many political entertainers was swift. Sean Hannity of Fox News made clear his disappointment in Christ.

“Seriously, let him go,” said Hannity to co-host Alan Colmes on the popular show “Hannity & Colmes” on Fox News. “If he doesn’t have the courage to face up to the Republican platform, how can he ever stand up to Osama bin Laden. This is a partisan attack, plain and simple.”

In response, Colmes vehemently disagreed with Hannity.

“But, but, but … , ” said Colmes.

The major religious corporations of the world have yet to comment on Christ’s decision. At the Vatican Web site, a simple message appeared: “Thank you for allowing us time to reflect on this matter. Pray for us, and know that we need your tithing now more than ever.”

Many devout Christians have stated that Christ’s abandonment will not affect their faith.

“Jesus Christ is the one true savior and those who don’t accept him into their heart will perish in eternal damnation,” said religious entertainer Joel Osteen. “That is the truth, regardless of Christ’s actual involvement.”

A thoughtful Christ said he had yet to decide what would be next for him, but expressed pride in his philosophy and accomplishments.

“We had a good run,” said Christ. “It really far exceeded anything I had hoped for, but humanity was supposed to become more evolved over time, not less.

“It’s just time to pull the plug.”

Christ said he would likely dedicate his time to working on an autobiography that will focus on his philosophies and work with people from all walks of life.

“I figure after 2,000 years it’s about time there was a book about me,” said Christ. “You know, from someone who was actually there.”

When pressed for details, Christ said he wasn’t allowed to reveal anything about the upcoming tome due to a contractual commitment with Simon & Schuster. But Christ did allow for one tidbit to be released - what the “H” stood for in “Jesus H. Christ.”

“Hector,” said Christ, walking out the door.

–WKW

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I denounce “Liberal” Martin Eisenstadt and his new book!

William K. Wolfrum — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 14:36:59 +0000

Throughout my long and inglorious writing career, I have always held true to the concept that money, fame, and recognition was always secondary. Good work has always been its own reward. These words I have lived by. But no more.

You see, in slightly more than two weeks, Martin Eisenstadt will have his first book - “I Am Martin Eisenstadt: One Man’s (Wildly Inappropriate) Adventures with the Last Republicans” - hit the stands. This is the same Eisenstadt that I spent part of 2008 conclusively proving was a hoax. The one who was wrong about everything (except Sarah Palin’s $900 spray-on tan. Turns out that was true.). And he gets the book deal. To make matters worse, he mocks me - by name - throughout the book.

Well, let me tell you, I’m somewhat peeved. And I will take it no longer.

I hereby denounce Martin Eisenstadt’s upcoming book. I also denounce Martin Eisenstadt, his assistants, his family and his pets, provided he has any. Consider this a full-blanket, scorched-earth-type denouncement. I really want to have my bases covered on this. I also denounce the food he eats.

In denouncing Eisenstadt, I join a long list of conservative commentators like Debbie Schlussel who long ago denounced him. Knowing that far-right thinkers are always astute judges of character (see Bush, George W.) I believe that now is the correct time to denounce Eisenstadt.

But denouncement isn’t enough. It never is. What we need here is a full-scale preemptive strike. And I’ll let Schlussel deliver it:

“When I was a teen and worked as a summer intern on Capitol Hill, there was a fellow intern, [Martin Eisenstadt], who worked for Jack Kemp. An Orthodox Jew, [Eisenstadt] was an extremely good-looking guy on his way to becoming a rabbi. Instead, he became a liberal.”

Yes, my friends, radical right neo-con extraordinaire Martin Eisenstadt is, in fact, a liberal. He’ll deny it, but it’s something you should really keep in mind when you decide whether or not to buy his book.

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Belated...

Genghis — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 19:47:33 +0000

Sometimes I become so enmeshed in the daily dramas of life that I forget to recognize the important milestones of those I hold dear. In such cases of neglect, the sin is not selfishness--I care, I really do--but rather self-absorption. My life is like a gripping suspense film. I...just...can't...turn...away. Not because my life is particularly interesting. It just happens to be mine. In addition, I have an attention absorption problem. I can't even turn away from an episode of Elmo's World. (My nephew and I like to spend quality time with our furry red monster friend.)

And so I forget things like birthdays and anniversaries. Many of them are in my calendar, but sometimes I even forget after my phone cheerfully buzzes to remind me. And my laptop calendar chirps crossly. And my Yahoo calendar pops open a stern notice. And Friendster account sends me a glowering email (my only reminder of its continued existence). I'm incorrigible.

On September 23rd, I forgot yet another important birthday. This one was not in any of my calendars. Probably because it belongs to an animate object...er...abstract entity.

Happy belated birthday, dagblog!

Yes, dagblog turned 1-year-old last month. It's grown up so fast--seems like only yesterday when it was just a parked page with large letters that said "Coming Soon." There were just three bloggers at the beginning: Deadman, Articleman, and Genghis. Hence the name, dagblog. With the new addition of Doctor Cleveland, we're up to seven, having lost poor Mortimus along the way. (We've considered changing the name to dagdolcblog, but it's way too stupid.)

I'd like to celebrate, belatedly, with a few dagstats. In its first year of life, dagblog had 100,147 unique visitors. Our writers and guests wrote a total of 787 articles which received 7768 comments. We have 88 feed subscribers, 78 facebook friends, and 25 twitter followers.

I'd also like to take a moment to shout thanks to everyone at dag:

My co-founders: Deadman and Articleman
My co-bloggers: Orlando, DF, Larry Jankens, Doctor Cleveland, and the much-missed Mortimus
Our illustrious guest bloggers: Nebton, Acanuck, Bill Wolfrum, jaisizzle, KRXA Hal, Prophet, NeuroTic, ChronoSpark, and of course, the lovely SarahPalinGrrrrl
Our loyal readers and contributors: Dijamo, quinn the eskimo, Bluesplashy, crazedandconfused, kalakitty17, elliotness, LisB, Donal, CaliforniaPaige, Marquis de Sea to Shining Sea, workerbee, AM, scofflaw, littleblackpropaganda, GeofhrisKhzn, stillidealistic, and michael.
All the lurkers out there who read but don't comment--thanks for being with us, and don't be afraid to speak up. (Unless you're an ass-hat. We already have enough of those.)

Thanks to the old-timers. Welcome to the new-timers. Auld lang syne, and all that. Here's to another great year at dag!

-- Genghis

PS I'll try to remember on the actual day next year.

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Your (Canadian) Tax Dollars at Work or When Zombies Attack

Orlando — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 01:19:13 +0000

If zombies actually existed, an attack by them would lead to the collapse of civilisation (sic) unless dealt with quickly and aggressively.

This according to an article at the BBC Web site that reports on a scientific paper written by researchers in Canada. It’s almost as if Bob and Doug MacKenzie were unleashed on an unsuspecting university math department.

The researchers say that, although they realize that zombies are not real, their findings could have real world applications in fighting infectious diseases. They also say “the key difference between the zombies and the spread of real infections is that ‘zombies can come back to life.'”

I’m certainly glad that Canada is on the case, protecting me from these imaginary fiends, because if zombies were real, and I was bitten by one, I doubt my health insurance would cover it.

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Questions: The Regrets Edition (Part II)

Deadman — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 06:49:34 +0000

Great answers to Part I of the regrets column. Here are my other 5 top regrets.

6) I regret being afraid of dying. In some ways, I feel my whole life's purpose is to finally accept (at least on a Zen-like level) the inevitability of my death. Instead, the concept so terrifies me that it has clearly kept me from being as adventurous and/or productive as I could have been. A little caution can be a good thing, perhaps, but to live without fear of death sounds so freeing. (To be completely accurate, it's more the pain of dying than the actual being dead part that scares me).

7) I regret being shy around girls. Ok, so it's all good as I ended up finding this great awesome girl, but oh man, I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have caught the eye of a beautiful girl and wish I had gone up to her and introduced myself, make small chat, throw her a compliment, ask her on a date, etc. but instead only watched her walk away and out of my life forever. If I had chosen not to do any of those things because I thought it would be too forward and ungentlemanly or even creepy, that would be one thing. But me ... I was mostly just scared, especially of rejection, and that's just silly. Only the rejected can give rejection its power (Oh yeah, that's like Tony Robbins good!)

8) I regret not being more serious about my writing. Even as a young kid, I fancied myself a writer. I remember creating a whole series of short stories, including a choose your own adventure (damn I loved those), about a porcupine named Kong. I had people who liked and encouraged my work, including a teacher I had in elementary school who took a bunch of my stories and compiled them in a pretty cool bound package and helped get one my tales published in a young children's magazine (still one of my all-time great thrills).

I continued writing short stories and small pieces throughout college, but as time passed, I grew more discouraged. I would read stories by the masters, by authors I totally loved, and bemoan the fact I could never be as good as them. I experimented with longer forms of writing, including novels, but could never finish my projects. My imagination was lacking. My vocabulary was inadequate. My characters were cliched.

But if my writing was inadequate before, it's only gotten worse. Writing is a skill that must be honed like any other and I unfortunately have written very little over the past five years - aside from these blog posts, of course. I think I convinced myself that writing was not as enjoyable as it used to be, but I wonder if maybe there's something more going on here.

Because sometimes I think of how envious I am of the people who seem like they know what they've wanted to do since the day they were born, who have passion about something and pursue it with joy AND single-minded determination, a lethal combination for success. And then I think back to how I would spend hours as a young kid holed up in my room, composing stories, getting lost in the process, reveling in my own creations, and wonder if for me writing should have been that thing, and - note the emerging theme - I just was too afraid to pursue it. That my imagination was lacking, indeed.

9) I regret not doing more for my fellow man. This one is simple. I give to charity a decent amount, but not nearly enough. But more importantly, I should be more generous with my time. On this site, I've often complained about the lack of compassion certain members of society seem to have for their fellow humans, and yet I cannot honestly say I've done much to make a difference in this world. I talk a much better game than I do, and worry I just may be more selfish than I'd like to believe. Even when I try to do something charitable, I often do it begrudgingly and with the minimum effort, like the time several years back when I along with my brother mentored an inner-city student and helped sponsor his private Catholic school education. I did so little to really help that kid succeed, and embarrassingly, have since lost touch with him and his family.

10) I regret not going to California to watch the Northwestern Wildcats play in the Rose Bowl. OK, this is a small one, but when I was a senior in college, the Northwestern football team came out of nowhere - after decades of being the doormat of the Big Ten - to shock the world with a miraculous year for the ages. In one season, they beat Notre Dame, Michigan (in the Big House) and Penn State to win the Big Ten and earn their first appearance in the Rose Bowl in fifty years.

I saw every home game that year, and even a couple of away games, and that season easily stands as one of the top three sports fan experiences in my life. Many of my college friends went out to Pasadena during the Winter Break to cheer the team on, but I was a rather broke student and decided it would cost too much money. So I went home to St. Louis and watched the game on TV with some friends and family.

What a joke. You don't get opportunities like that often, and when you do, money should hardly ever be the deciding factor. I know the advice to save and prepare for retirement or a rainy day has its merits - and especially sounds sage in tough economic times like the current ones - but money is merely a means to an end, nothing more. Be prudent, but have fun and take advantage of once-in-a-lifetime opportunities when they arise. Trust me, you won't regret it.

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Questions: The Regrets Edition (Part I)

Deadman — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 03:54:02 +0000

In a post long ago, I talked about regrets and how I view them as a natural part of the examined life, something to be embraced, not feared. A person who claims he has no regrets is either a magnificent liar or an unreflective fool.

You can learn a lot from your regrets, and the only goal should be to minimize their occurrence as you grow older.

I didn't go into much detail discussing the specifics of my actual regrets, but I've now decided to list the top 10 regrets of my life to date, thinking that it could actually be a useful exercise for me and an enjoyable, potentially educational, but very long read for others (so long in fact that I've decided to divide the column into two).

Each regret will be accompanied by a related question in the comment section for you to answer.

Some of these regrets are small, some are huge. Some are in the past, where nothing can be done about them, and some persist today, where there's still hope that things could be made right. All contribute to who I am, and as the new Senator from Minnesota was known to say in a previous life, "And that's ... OK."

1) I regret not lifting weights when I was going through puberty. Let's start off small. I think a bit of strength training - not a crazy amount, mind you, just a little weightlifting - is much more impactful when your body is developing and maturing. I'm not very body obsessed, but I think being stronger would have helped in a bunch of different ways. At the very least, it would have made me a better baseball player, which would have been nice as not making the high school baseball team is another regret of mine (although not worth a top 10 since I did try out 3 times, getting cut each year, and I give myself props for that).

2) I regret not making the top 10 of my high school graduating class. This is actually a bit of an anomaly because if anything, I think I cared too much about grades and schoolwork. But there's a reason why this stands out as a regret. I remember going to my brother's graduation as a junior high schooler and seeing the ten students with the top 10 GPAs get recognized for their efforts - they were asked to stand and the crowd gave each of them a significant round of appreciative applause.

For some reason, I decided there and then that that was something I wanted to accomplish. It became a goal - a ridiculous and nerdy one to be sure, but a goal nonetheless. And it was in my grasp til the very end, as I got all A's until my final semester of high school. But I didn't do the extra effort to sneak into the top 10, refusing to do the term papers that would have gotten me the 'H' honors (and 5.0) grades in history that would have put me over the hump. This sounds like a small, almost stupid thing but in many ways its indicative of a lack of single-minded determination, which I think the most successful in society seem to have and I clearly don't (an issue that comes up later in this post). I had a goal, I should have worked just a bit harder to achieve it, plain and simple.

3) I regret not living an extended period of time in a foreign country. This is pretty self-explanatory and clearly, the easiest, best time to do this would have been in college, studying abroad for a semester or year. To me, it's a sign of me living scared and nervous about trying new things.

As a side regret, though it isn't necessarily my fault, I regret not learning a foreign language (or two) earlier in life. Like developing muscles, languages are so much easier to learn when you're young, and I automatically give people an extra ten points of respect and IQ when I hear they're fluent in multiple languages. Unfortunately, the arrogant American public education system didn't include foreign languages as part of its early education curriculum back when I was a kid (I think it might now, but in any case at least American kids today have the bilingual Dora). In the end, I took 6 years of French in high school and college and still could barely communicate with the Frenchies when I was in Paris for a trip about ten years back.

4) I regret not being nicer to my mother through my teenage and young adult life. My mom is awesome. She's funny and social and loving and sensitive and generous, and full of so many endearing quirks. Everyone loves her. I do, too, of course, but there was a time when she embarrassed me. OK, she still does, but there was a time when I was way too annoyed by my embarrassment and wasn't always so nice to her.

Nothing major, just small cutting comments or a general lack of affection. I know where I was coming from and what I was doing - just trying to rebel a bit. Like all good Jewish mothers, my mom is a bit smothering and neurotic and for much of my pre-teen life I was a big mama's boy, and I probably overcompensated in my attempt to shed that image. I can now fully embrace that I am and will always be a mama's boy. But I know there were times I hurt her when she did nothing wrong, and for that I am sorry.

5) I regret giving up acting in college. In high school, I was in many of the plays, and had decent-sized parts in a lot of them, except for the musicals because I can't sing or dance (We did Fiddler on the Roof, and I - one of the few Jews in the production - had to play a Russian because of my limited skills). I really enjoyed acting, and thought I was pretty good at it (I knew I had some talent when during a final exam in a freshman acting class I was able to cry during a scene in which I played a father who found out his wife had left him. The tears even surprised me.)

I wasn't perfect, by any means - watching old tapes, I cringe at some of the tics I brought to the stage, but I would have liked to continue to pursue acting. Didn't think that would be an issue seeing as I was, after all, going to Northwestern University, which was known for its theater department. Unfortunately, freshman year I got paired up with a roommate who was majoring in theater and it discouraged me when I saw his commitment to the profession. I thought about performing as a lark, not necessarily a career, and my roommate and his theater friends were approaching it on a much different level. So I chickened out and never pursued it further. I've taken a couple of acting and improv classes to try and rekindle the magic, but I'm afraid that dream may be dead.

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