Czabe.com

Play Czabe's March to Madness - Today's Game:

2012-02-20T01:31:00.001-05:00

Baylor vs Texas

Click Here to Play

Play Czabe's March to Madness - Today's Game:

2012-02-17T01:28:00.000-05:00

Cornell vs Penn

Click Here to Play

Bye Bye Productivity!

2012-02-16T18:28:00.000-05:00

Somehow, I have a insatiable appetite for watching football tumble end over end through a pair of uprights. So in addition to building PVC uprights in the yard to "scratch my inner Grammatica" I now can while away hours at the office kicking virtual FG's here.

WASTE YOUR AFTERNOON!

The Amazin' Asian

2012-02-16T10:09:00.000-05:00

There really is no end in sight. The best, out-of-nowhere, racial-boundary-crossing, feel-good, big-market NBA cinderella shows no signs of letting up.

Jeremy Lin is legit.

I am now of the firm belief that Lin's sudden rise is no gimmick, no schtick. Just a legitimate case of an overlooked talent, who finally gets his shot. The kid can play, and if the rest of the Knicks' overpriced primmadonnas buy in (ahem... looking at YOU, 'Melo..) then we are looking at a dynamic and dangerous Eastern Conference Contender for years to come.

Is the marketing and hype of this kid overboard? Of course. But it's harmless fun, so just ride it.

I was wondering early on, if Lin was more Billy Volek than Kurt Warner. (Sorry, I just couldn't find a more suitable basketball comparison, so this will have to suffice.)

Volek was a scrub bench warmer for the Titans, who came on like gangbusgters in the 2004 NFL season to singlehandedly win millions of fantasy leagues as an oh-by-the-way pickup late in that season.

In just 8 starts, Volek threw for 18 touchdowns at a 61% clip. He went for 426-4 and 492-4 in BACK-TO-BACK weeks late in the year. Never mind that the Titans lost those games. The guy was ON FIRE.

So next year, Volek puts back on the baseball hat for injured starter Steve McNair, and basically melts into the backround. Then he goes to San Diego, and in his 5 seasons there, has thrown exactly 44 passes.

Legend, over.

Kurt Warner, meanwhile, remains the gold standard of out-of-nowhere sports legends. Even better than Unitas, in my opinion.

Steelers coach Walt Kiesling never even let Unitas take a snap in practice with the Steelers. Among those edging out Unitas was Ted Marchibroda, future NFL quarterback and longtime NFL head coach. Married with a child and out of pro football, Unitas worked in construction in Pittsburgh to support his family. On the weekends, he played quarterback, safety and punter on a local semipro team called the Bloomfield Rams for $6 a game.

You know how it worked out with Unitas. With Warner, it happened in living modern televised color. In an age of football far more advanced than back in Johnny U's era. With increasing levels of sophistication being applied to scouting and player development, you wonder how any such talents slip through the cracks.

Warner burst onto the football world like a supernova, throwing for an absurd 41-21-and-36 touchdowns in his first 3 years as a starter. Won a Super Bowl, should have won a second (thanks Mike Martz, clown) and then after being seemingly finished, resurrected himself one more time and should have won a 3rd Super Bowl (thanks James Harrison and Santonio Holmes).

Could Lin be the basketball Kurt Warner?

Absolutely.

Sometimes, all talent needs is a chance.

Play Czabe's March to Madness - Today's Game:

2012-02-16T01:26:00.000-05:00

Wisconsin vs Michigan State

Click Here to Play

Play Czabe's March to Madness - Today's Game:

2012-02-15T01:14:00.000-05:00

Memphis vs Tulane

Click Here to Play

Snickies du Jour: Natalie Gulbis and Alex Morgan

2012-02-14T18:20:00.000-05:00

When my colleague Scott Linn got news that his soccer playing future ex-Mrs-Linn Alex Morgan had posed for the SI Swimsuit issue, he was positively giddy.

When he heard "body paint" his peeny when "hmmmmp!"

In a similar vein, every golfer I know has been breathlessly sending me these Natalie Gulbis bodypaint pics from the very same SI issue.

My thoughts: eh. Not only do the painted bikinis look fake, but the models look fake too! Somebody put down the photoshop airbrush!

I like Natalie. She'a a cool chick who knows the deal. She doesn't suck, but she also realizes that her financial future depends on being hot enough to pose for spreads like this, and just good enough to make the TV coverage on most LPGA weekends.

That said, I think Nat looks WAY hotter wearing golf gear. Including a hat. Hard to explain I suppose, but something about a hot chick in hot golf clothes in her sporting element just does a lot more for me.

Same thing for Alex Morgan. She's got a frontcourt like a 12 year old, so posing nekkid with just paint doesn't seem to make any sense.

I like Alex in a tight ponytail, sweating from head to toe, churning those lean soccer gams for 90 minutes against some helgas in the World Cup.

These body paint spreads have had their day. Time to let them go quietly into the swimsuit night, SI, not unlike fishnets that show some nipplage.

"Think of Him As A Very Tiny Stadium"

2012-02-14T07:26:00.000-05:00

Roger Goodell is the man.

Just ask him.

Guy has a new contract extension that will take him to nearly $20 million per year by the end of the decade. This for a guy whose league is locked in to a no-opt-out 10 year labor agreement, and TV contracts that last almost as long.

In other words, the cake is baked on this league making ridiculous money for the next decade, so why do they need to jack this guy's salary to the moon now?

Answer: they don't HAVE to. They do it because they can. Period.

Skip Oliva sums it up perfectly at his blog "Under Penalty of Catapult."

Some brief comments on reports that Roger Goodell’s recent contract extension will pay him upwards of $20 million annually:

1. This isn’t about Goodell’s subjective value as an executive. During the lockout, we learned Goodell’s value in that sense is $1. There’s no competition for Goodell’s services and he’s publicly maintained he’s never wanted to work anywhere but the NFL.

2. This contract is primarily about the owners’ validating their prior decision to elect Goodell commissioner.

3. This contract further proves my contention that the league isn’t about profitability, but maximizing consumption for its own sake. “Hey, we can spend $20 million on this guy who adds little to our product!” Think of Roger as a very tiny stadium.

4. Goodell does provide one valuable service to the league. He consistently sells fans on the idea that players aren’t valuable as individuals. He breeds resentment among the customers against the product, yet does so in a manner that (for now) hasn’t damaged demand for the product. He’s almost like a Super Skip Bayless—a troll that keeps you interested.

REACT: "Think of Roger as a very tiny stadium." Boom. Roasted. Nice.

Better yet was this comment attached to the Mike Florio re-cap of the contract on PFT.com. "Would be a sweet twist of fate if they cut him three years into his mega-deal before he got to the big money… just like teams do to players. Then he can hit up free agency for aging commissioners. I’m sure the IHL or the Putt Putt Pro-Am will come calling."

Roddy White of the Falcons took to twitter to rip the news.

“How in the hell can u pay a man this much money that cant run tackle or catch,” White wrote. “Roger Goodell is getting over never seen anything like it 20 million for looking over the league with tremendous help I guess the NFL is banking.”

White added, “the players make this league dont ever forget that.”

Sorry, Rod. You guys (players) had your chance. You had this league, and the machinery which produces such absurd financial excess, by the balls. You had the chance, if you could just weather a mere 4 months or so of missed paychecks, to bring the owners to their knees.

You blinked. They won.

You can address it again in 9 short years. I'm sure you'll still be around by then.

Dummies.

Play Czabe's March to Madness - Today's Game:

2012-02-14T01:05:00.003-05:00

UNLV vs TCU

Click Here to Play

Tiger's Game Still Drifting In The Wind

2012-02-13T08:30:00.000-05:00

Remember when you couldn't swing a dead cat around Tiger Woods and NOT hit new swing guru Sean Foley?

Well, these days, I haven't seen Foley much, if at all. Maybe there are good reasons. Maybe Tiger is quietly getting away from publicly praising how this fraud has managed to re-build - better, stronger, faster! - a swing that never needed rebuilding.

I know this much. If Tiger's swing is so good now, how come I got so many pictures of clubs flying out of his hands this weekend? And this is when he's playing WELL! Maybe Tiger can get some straps for those clubs, kinda like ski poles.

Meanwhile, the BEST shot of the weekend, came on the Sr. Circuit when Corey Pavin got up and down from a POTHOLE.

LEFTHANDED!

Play Czabe's March to Madness - Today's Game:

2012-02-13T01:13:00.004-05:00

Kansas vs Kansas State

Click Here to Play

Dress Comfortably For The Links

2012-02-12T08:28:00.000-05:00

If people rip on Gronk for being in-sufficiently devastated following the Super Bowl loss to the Giants, and stupidly dancing the night away on a bad ankle, then can't we make a similar charge against Bill Belichick? Don't the same "end-of-the-worlders" in sports think it's a bit too early for Bill to be yukking it up on the links at Pebble?

All I know is that it's pretty sweet he sported the gray hoodie on the links. You stay frumpy, Bill.

Meanwhile, Bill Murray took it to the "next level" on Bushwood un-approved attire with his "full camo" sniper outfit. Lovely. And Chris Berman's Nutri-System Endorsement is proving to be worth every penny for the diet company.

Play Czabe's March to Madness - Today's Game:

2012-02-10T01:21:00.001-05:00

UW Milwaukee vs Detroit

Click to Play

Bitch

2012-02-09T18:53:00.002-05:00

The wonders of Lebron James and his fragile ego, continue to amaze.

This guy's skin isn't just thin, it is diaper rash sensitive, 24-7-365.

Lebron tweeting like a giddy-fanboy over Blake Griffin's dunk over Kendrick Perkins was bad enough. I mean, really, dude. For a guy who - I believe - won't enter the NBA slam dunk contest out of mortal fear he won't win, what good does it do for your image to be whooping it up on your Blackberry like this?

Mark Kriegel, writing for FoxSports.com, has a theory. And I think he's dead on.

Let me tell you, again, what LBJ (another acronym offered without irony or any deference to the past) really needs. It’s not connecting with his fans. It’s a title. He needs one more than any athlete I know.

Now you show me a ballplayer who talks about being persecuted, I’ll show you a guy who wants to be a victim. Being picked on is an excuse. It’s another form of plausible deniability.

It was Kendrick's way of calling James unprofessional, or worse, dismissing him as a fan, another guy oohing, aahing and tweeting over a dunk.

The highlight reel euphoria obscured a couple of facts. First, Perkins hit Griffin hard and high. Second, Griffin had to literally throw the ball in the basket, a play that perhaps only he could make. In other words, all things considered, Perkins played pretty good help defense.

Then again, help defense is a team concept. It’s a subtlety lost on giants of the tweeting classes.

Perkins was willing to risk humiliation to make the proper basketball play. I don’t believe James would risk as much. He’s a Nike commercial. He always looks cool. Just the same, it’s worth reminding you he’s proclaimed himself a King, though he has no title.

Boom, roasted.

Meanwhile, let's take the ol' "Wayback Machine" for a spin, and remember what happens when LeBron gets posterized, even in an obscure, off-season Nike Camp.

Ryan Miller, who videotaped the dunk and had his tape confiscated, detailed the events to CBSSports.com.

"[Nike Basketball senior director Lynn Merritt] just said, 'We have to take your tape,' " Miller said. "They took it from other guys, too."

Miller, who is a freelancer, was at the camp in part for ESPNU. He also was getting material for Syracuse.com. Miller, who attended Syracuse, had been part of ESPNU's Campus Connection program, which uses college students to report on various sports events at their campuses. The tape that was confiscated belonged to Miller, not ESPN, and he is not an ESPN employee.

Miller said he had been filming all day and had his tapes confiscated only after Crawford's dunk over James.

"LeBron called Lynn over and told him something," Miller told CBSSports.com. "That's how I knew his name was Lynn. LeBron said, 'Hey, Lynn. Come here.' "

Minutes later, Miller said Merritt demanded his tape.

"There's nothing I can think of besides LeBron just not wanting it online," Miller told CBSSports.com. "It's a good story to tell people, I guess. But then again, I'm kind of pissed. I lost my tape."

Here's the dunk footage. Only 1.2 MILLION views and counting. Watch it a few times yourself to pump up the hit counter, just to further piss off Queen James.

Play Czabe's March to Madness - Today's Game:

2012-02-09T01:19:00.000-05:00

Illinois vs Indiana

Click to Play

The Hall of 44 Horribly Biased (and Increasingly Irrelevant) Sportswriters

2012-02-08T18:14:00.001-05:00

The Pro Football Hall of Fame conducted it's annual farce last weekend, otherwise known as the "Selection Meeting." A closed door affair, where 44 un-elected, un-accountable - and in some cases, un-employed former writers, got to chose which former NFL players are worthy of access to the pearly gates of Canton, Ohio.

The results, were predictably, less than satisfying to many.

Among the perceived "snubs", coach Bill Parcells and defense end Charles Haley were left out this year. Perhaps they will get in next year. Or maybe never. The logic of why a guy is not worthy one year, but then worthy the next year, or perhaps 7 years or more later, remains one of the great mysteries of the process.

I won't get into the merits or critiques of this year's inducted class - that's a robust discussion you can have with your buddies over a beer - but rather let me once again highlight the sheer stupidity of the PROCESS involved.

To begin with, allowing just 44 voices to determine a man's life work in the game is absurdly small. Let's bump that up to 100 as a start, and keep an open mind to adding even more if needed.

Secondly, take a look at how un-inspiring this list of writers really is. I mean, how many of these people have you heard of?

Many of these writers, have lost their full time newspaper job years ago. I don't want to name names, because this is not a personal attack on them (or their relative football acumen). But I know the guys in that room, who are NOT currently practicing full-time NFL writers. They should no longer be on the panel.

Also, you will see a small handful of TV broadcasters on this list. I don't object to that, per se. However, I maintain that it's absurd to not include some long time sports radio talk show hosts on the committee. I would not volunteer myself, because I understand my own biases. But sports talk radio hosts are, in my opinion, especially suited to HOF arguments, because we HAVE THEM ALL THE TIME in the course of our regular work.

It'll be a cold day in hell, before they let in an unwashed "sports talk radio host" into this little enclave. Better to have a former beat writer, from a 50,000 circulation paper that is now just a website, to help decide if Bill Parcells deserves a bronze bust in Canton.

My buddy, and now (wait for it....) FELLOW SPORTS RADIO colleague Thom Loverro - himself a former major market newspaper columnists (although he still does fine work for a smaller, free paper here in Washington, the D.C. Examiner) tried to ZING me by saying "how about sports radio hosts who ACTUALLY GO INTO THE LOCKEROOM AND TALK TO PLAYERS AND COACHES."

Oooh. Burn. Not really.

Thom actually makes a great point in my favor on this one. By NOT going into the lockeroom as frequently (or ever) as writers, we are not subject to the negative bias of many writers who have felt the sting of rejection from certain players.

We don't hold grudges, because we have no grudges to hold.

So what if Parcells was a liar, a bully and a tyrant to the scribes who covered him? The guy built NFL teams from the ground up, proved innovative in big games, and bequeathed a tree of assistants that is legendary. So what if Charles Haley was a borderline sociopath and mostly un-cooperative to the press? The guy has 5 rings and terrorized offenses. I'd love to see/hear/read the 44 electors "rationale" for why Chris Doleman belongs ahead of him.

If you are on the committee, you should be required to divulge your votes on each nominee, and not just "up" or "down." I would require each selector to write a concise 1 paragraph explanation of their vote. At least lets see their "logic" and let it stand on it's own. If you can't take the hate mail, hate tweets, or general "heat" of a strong opinion, then get out of the room. It's that simple.

Finally, there should be a price for being on this committee. As it currently stands, the committee meets conveniently during Super Bowl week, where there is essentially zero cost to the members. Take a few hours out of your week, haggle over inductees, turn in your votes, go have a steak dinner on your employers' per diem.

Nice work, if you can get it.

I would hold this annual meeting outside of the Super Bowl week, and I would require members to pay for their own travel and accommodations. If it matters that much for you to be on this committee, then you should put some money behind it.

See how quickly the room clears out once you do that.

Play Czabe's March to Madness - Today's Game:

2012-02-08T01:00:00.002-05:00

Georgetown vs Syracuse

Click to Play

Play Czabe's March to Madness - Today's Game:

2012-02-07T11:16:00.000-05:00

Florida vs Kentucky

Click to Play

Wrong Way JaVale

2012-02-07T08:02:00.000-05:00

From the guy who discovered that alley-ooping it to yourself on a breakaway - with a 1-11 record - "is apparently, FROWNED UPON in this establishment" we bring you this gem.

A wild-ass running hook shot that misses, and then a totally oblivious jog back upcourt, while your team get the offensive rebound and your point guard has to grumpily point you back into the TV frame.

Wizards. Idiots.

Snicky du Jour: Jennifer Lopez

2012-02-07T06:26:00.001-05:00

Sure, Jenny "From the Block" is probably a full 1/2 ton palette of bats*** crazy - on a good day. Demanding. Hot latin tempered. Wacko. But man, she just doesn't seem to take a BAD picture, to my eyes. So soak this one in, just like she's leaving your hotel room.

CzabeVegas Thursday Night: SOLD OUT!

2012-02-06T18:02:00.000-05:00

Ladies and gents, get your spots FAST! Thanks to great demand, we are official SOLD OUT of Thursday night in the VIP area, but there are about 20 spots left on Friday night. Both nights will be epic, so let's get goin!

And if you can't get into the VIP, but want to "hang out" afterward in the Hard Rock book and casino, then make sure to reserve your room today at the great low rates.

There are still rooms available, even if you don't get into the VIP room.

Super Bowl XLVI Photo Log

2012-02-06T09:56:00.000-05:00

Because a) you saw the game too, and b) a picture tells a thousand words, here's all you need on a Monday. That, plus I'm taking a nap today to recover from hosting a party at my house and having a few too many "Bud Light Platinums" with the turbo-charged 6% ABV!

The "Thrust Rule" Super Bowl

2012-02-03T19:19:00.000-05:00

Everybody who hates the Giants and Patriots, raise your hands.

Everybody who hates the sporting fan bases of New York and Boston, raise your other hand.

Okay, I've got bad news. One of them has to win on Sunday.

I know, I know. It's like being told you are going to have to either chug a gallon of Snooki's underpit juice, or be forced to spoon with a female contestant on the "Biggest Loser."

It ain't gonna be pleasant.

And because it's considered "wrong" and "politically incorrect" to root for "roof collapse" on Sunday during the big game, I have the only possible satisfying outcome to this game.

I'm hoping for the most disgusting, boring, lurching, painful, ugly Super Bowl game you have ever seen. Think of a Scotty Pippen love child with Cynthia Nixon.

I want a 3-3 game through regulation. I want 27 punts, 6 turnovers, and about 11 instant replay reviews that take forever and none of them result in an overturned call.

Then I want the overtime. I want the stupid new format to somehow get screwed up. I want overtime to drone on. I want missed field goals.

I want this game to be so awful, that Americans are cursing both teams come Monday morning.

Then I want the game to end in a way that is totally un-satisfying to both teams, regardless of winner. Hmm, I'm thinking I'd like to see the Patriots win 5-3 on a controversial safety that goes to a booth review. A play where it looks for sure, like it is NOT a safety, but then referee John Parry comes on the mic and announces that the "Thrust Rule" was applied, and therefore, game over, Patriots win.

What's the "Thrust Rule?" Nobody will know, of course. It'll be some bullshit rule that exists only in the deep fine print bowels of the NFL's full rulebook. A rulebook, which I must note, the league STILL refuses to publish openly on-line at their own site NFL.com.

(Note: you can get this "Official" rulebook on-line, but the links are backdoor links taken from behind media access firewalls. The "public consumption" rulebook on-line, is a mere "summary" of the overly complex full rulebook.)

So the Patriots will "win" but by a lame-o score of 5-3, in an painfully long and boring game, and only because of the "Thrust Rule." This will bookend their other big gift, the "Tuck Rule" game and forever torment Patriot fans who have to take shit from every other NFL fan about the quasi-legitimacy of their championship.

The Giants of course, and their fans, will feel rightfully cheated. And forever wail to the full moon about getting screwed.

It would be the only redemptive outcome of this game, short of that proverbial roof collapse which we are not allowed to root for, for obvious humanitarian reasons.

Sadly, I am doubtful this will happen. The game will likely be pretty good. Because these teams are pretty good. And their organizations are pretty damn smart, and steady. Which is another reason why many of us hate them.

If you are a Giant or Patriot fan, wear our envious hate like a badge of honor.

The Patriots had a defense that was fried shit-on-a-stick this year, and all they did was go 13-3 and make this game. Amazing. If the Pats win, it'll mean a 7th parade in Boston since 2002. SEVEN! Eat crap.

The Giants were LEFT FOR DEAD in Dallas in Week 14. At 6-7, they were down 12 with 5:31 to play. And all they did, was rally to score 2TDs, a 2 PT conversion, and block a potential game tying kick to beat the NFL grim reaper and get up off the operating table

They not only haven't lost since, they've been pretty much dominant. Amazing. And if they win, every mouthy Giant player who had little to do with the team's winning this year (I'm looking at YOU, Brandon Jacobs) will fan out to all the requisite TV shows for the next month as guests.

Jealous? Of course. But screw ya'll both.

My pick? Like Jimmy Masterlock Dugans. Giants +3. Under 54.

Here's to Texans-Lions in 2013!

Even 200,000 Person Waiting Lists Need Marketing Videos

2012-02-02T17:38:00.000-05:00

Poor guy. Looks like he's making a hostage video.

"Hey, it's Mike Shanahan! They told me to hold this football up, and just ignore the AK-47 pointed at me off camera. Come on out, and enjoy some exciting Redskin football this fall! Especially, if we overpay to move up and get RG III, or do the utterly predictable and sign a crippled Peyton Manning. Call below for tickets!"

Sheesh.

It's Up... and It Is.... GOOOOODDD!

2012-02-01T21:57:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time when I was a little middle class punk, probably 10 years old, living on the mean streets of McLean, VA, I dreamed of kicking field goals in the NFL for my favorite team, the Washington Redskins.

This is what white kids dream about. At least the kids in my neighborhood.

Of course, I had to take it a step farther. Once I found some unused 10 foot long baseboard strips my dad had saved in the basement next to the washer and dryer. I pulled them suckers out, nailed them to the split rail fence on the side of the house, and then went to town with my red and yellow two-tone nerf football.

Fast forward to age 43, and having been dumb enough to purchase enough property to indulge in fiscally irresponsible projects, I decided to see just how far PVC pipes from Home Depot and my rudimentary understanding of engineering could take me.

Well, here it is.

Not bad. But it's also a very crude 1.0 version. I forgot the streamers on top, and I am too lazy to take it down and fix it. Also, the final-final version will get the requisite neon yellow paint job (anybody know what pantone code # that is?).

I also just sorta jerry-rigged the posts with duct tape and cardboard so that they would fit together snugly. The cement holes are also pretty half-assed, I used just a small tub of anchor rail cement and threw some dirt on top.

I would like to make a "t-style" goalpost once I get this section of the property graded out and re-seeded to accomodate a nearly 80 yard field. I think I can do it with a larger PVC base post (probably 6" in outer diameter) and a crossbar of reinforced 4" O.D. PVC pipe connected in the middle with some sort of "t-connector."

The uprights are a little more tricky.

The 2" PVC pipes I used here, are approximately 23' from ground to tip. Not bad, but a regulation NFL goalpost is a monstrous 40' from ground to tip. Too tall. I'd like to get 30 feet and call it a day.

For that, however, I think I need to order some custom aluminum or light steel poles, preferably 10' each that interlock (so I can break the goalpost down and store it in the summer). These will be more rigid than the PVC pipes.

My concern, is how thick do I need the aluminum/steel poles to be, so that a DOINK off one of the uprights doesn't bend it? Guess I'll just have to use trial and error.

Now, the only thing left, is for me to get a kicking lesson. Frankly, I suck. I am showing you the 2 out of 10 kicks that fly decent. The others, pretty squirrelly. Maybe I can call Graham Gano over at Redskin Park?

How much do you think he charges?

If not him, does anybody have one of the Zendejas brothers numbers?